https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 22 Apr 2026 21:17:27 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go/page/2#post-835609 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 04:00:50 +0000 rae 835609@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Una, I really feel that cutting out the thrifting was key. It made constantly buying feel NORMAL. And at my swap meets there is not usually any way to properly evaluate fit or function. </p> <p>Beth Ann, I sympathize. I used to have multiple drawers of tees to sleep in. What's up with that??</p> <p>Susie, those deals can be the death of me! And some things (boots! bags!) feel like a good deal more easily than others (basics... tank tops.... sandals) - no matter if I actually need the other things more.</p> <p>Rachy, the important thing we have learned is that we are Proud Women. :D</p> <p>Aida, I have that panic about variety, too. What if I change stores? What if I change departments? I might NEED that thing I don't particularly like... : /</p> <p>Angie, that made me giggle! It is nice to know the cosmos are settling down after all that upheaval they brought. :)</p> <p>Suz, your compliment means so much to me. It is the best coming from a killer writer! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go/page/2#post-835544 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 03:03:34 +0000 Suz 835544@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae, you really are a wonderful writer, you know. </p> <p>And wise way beyond your years. </p> <p>Just needed to say that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go/page/2#post-835519 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 02:50:58 +0000 Angie 835519@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>*applause*</p> <p>The planets have aligned - after the sky fell down when you wore flat oxfords.</p> <p>:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go/page/2#post-835230 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 23:44:42 +0000 Aida 835230@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>SO very well written Rae! I VERY much enjoyed reading your post, it resonates strongly with me as well. Last year I had a rather sudden dampening on my purchases simply because I decided I wasn't being nearly picky enough; my closet had far too many 7s and 8s and not enough WOWZA 10s (even in basics and essentials). I am feeling better about curating what goes into my wardrobe these days, though I still have a LOT of holes after a recent reevaluation of my wardrobe. But as I've learned to become more picky about what goes INTO my closet, I just haven't gotten as good at being picky to get rid of those less-than-perfect items! I don't know if it's a matter of admitting mistake on my part, I don't really mind that so much, but I tend to become worried that I'll start to crave more variety. A lot of those items were purchased several years ago when I was still trying to figure out my style, so they span quite the style spectrum. But you know what, I'm on almost 3 years of no full repeats so that's a pretty good indication that there is definitely more than enough variety there, right? Honestly, it has come as a HUGE surprise to me that, as I have slowly pared my wardrobe down and culled out those less-than-perfect or not-quite-my-style items, I truly have become happier with the state of my wardrobe. It's not where I'd like it to be yet, but I really do need to just suck it up and get rid of those items that are more of a hindrance than anything at this point -_- </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834905 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 19:49:05 +0000 rachylou 834905@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes. You have articulated my own feelings for me very well when it comes to certain pieces. My pride can get in the way when I've invested something in a piece - time, money, imagination... I stubbornly try to get the dividend that will never actually be paid out.</p> <p>Btw, I see why you got that Navy trench coat in the first pic. It *is* a beauty. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834867 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 19:28:27 +0000 Susie 834867@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I appreciate you posting this, Rae. I've never been much of a saver and I've always weeded out my closet pretty regularly. But it seems as if I always skim over certain items, like there is nothing 'wrong' with them per se so why get rid of them? Yet there are probably lots of things in there that I just don't wear. </p> <p>I think I would like to have less pieces, love every single one of them (or at least value their usefulness, like a long sleeve layering tee that I actually wear), and wear them all more frequently. </p> <p>Too often I buy something just to have something new, or because it's a good deal, or because it seems like it 'should' be a workhorse, without focusing on things I love and am really excited to wear. </p> <p>I plan to do another purge soon and I hope I can be ruthless about culling the things I just don't wear or just don't love, even if I think I "should." </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834815 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:46:52 +0000 Beth Ann 834815@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kudos, Rae, to keeping what works and letting the rest go.</p> <p>As for me, I have 22 long sleeved t-s. Not counting sleepwear. Not counting turtlenecks. Clearly, purging is not my strength! I tend to keep items for several years, and I'm still working on PPP -- still refining. I think, however, it might be possible to do with less. Maybe 15? </p> <p>P.S. I live in a 1,000sq house with no basement or garage, and a small closet. I guess that provides a natural barrier to excess. YLF has been very helpful in making that small closet (stacked with 22 long sleeved t's) work better than ever before! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834749 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:51:54 +0000 Transcona Shannon 834749@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's all part of the learning curve and growing process. Well done! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834646 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:49:07 +0000 catgirl 834646@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>great post! Things have been flying out of my closet too. And come spring, most of my summer wardrobe will be gone too - especially the skirts I've continued to hoard on the off-chance I'll come back around to them. </p> <p>I have much less regret about letting things go than I used to, even a few items with tags still attached. Have made a LOT of mistakes, and will make more. But they are fewer now, and as I am happier with what I have, I'm less likely to be erratic. I've also slowed down on thrifting and browsing, which has helped keep me focused. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834642 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:48:02 +0000 ManidipaM 834642@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A very keen perception of happiness, Rae, and how important it is to 'buy' it at any cost --- including the angst of letting go of recent, expensive acquisitions. </p> <p>Like Caro, I find letting my mistakes go---or at least acknowledging it as a 'mistake' or a 'moving on' until I can replace/bridge the gap---helps keep me honest around my hot buttons (read: sales!). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834639 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:46:59 +0000 Janet 834639@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ooh, can I relate to the hating to make mistakes camp. Perfectionism has some serious drawbacks! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834632 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:42:41 +0000 rae 834632@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Adelfa, that is a great point - I sure am mentally tired or reliving the mistakes, too. </p> <p>Missvee &amp; Shevia, perfect way to look at it. The money's gone either way. I keep thinking I need to "get the wear for my money" but really I am "getting the irritation for my money"!</p> <p>Suz, I keep telling myself that, lol. Now the part I have to get hold of is buying less *this* year even though I love it now and it's gone on sale! It IS how I resisted duplicating my Lulu jacket when it went on deeper discount... I *know* there's a chance I'll want something else next year. </p> <p>Texstyle, you've hit on something for me. These trenches were NOT mistakes last year, when I thought I had an advancing career in wealth management. I was not outside as much, and I didn't have any time to take long walks, and I hardly saw the sun let alone the rain. Lifestyle affects us so much... </p> <p>Dana and Raisin, it is so tough. I have always hated to make a mistake - all my life, it was the expectation to get 100% in all the tests! I *should* be glad that life is not a schoolroom and that I am learning much more valuable lessons from my mistakes. </p> <p>And Dana, I love the idea of being a curator. This is what I tell DH about boots - it is not just my winter shoe wardrobe, it is my Boot Collection. Lucky that he collects action figures; it is hard for him to argue. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834579 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:17:12 +0000 ironkurtin 834579@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I say never be ashamed of making mistakes, because you cannot learn or progress without them. I have noticed that women in general overly stigmatize mistakes (yes that's a global statement) and beat ourselves up for them. So learning to let go and move on is good, even - especially - if it's just a piece of fabric!</p> <p>However, I do suffer from "But it's so pretty/soft/flattering/cool" syndrome... </p> <p>I have vintage Helmut Lang jackets that give me broken blood vessels in the shoulders, or are made of satin or velvet, or aren't right for my climate - but I will not shed them because they are SO damn cool and no one makes them like that anymore. They cannot be replaced.</p> <p>I have amazing wood-heeled booties I have not yet worn because they require an event - or just me feeling super sassy - and I haven't really done that much recently. But they are so neat. So I hang onto them.</p> <p>I have boxes of Inhabit cashmere sweaters that are lovely and soft, with such interesting details. I can wear them *maybe* a month out of the year where I live now - and not even *all* of them! But part of me is convinced I WILL NOT be living in Texas forever and I *will* need them wherever else we go. I've been in Texas for 4+ years now and this attitude has not changed. I love them.</p> <p>I think maybe I need to think of myself as a curator, not as a dresser, and stop feeling bad that I don't wear some of these things. After all, would I beat myself up if I didn't display my entire art collection? Probably not. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834555 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:05:43 +0000 AJ 834555@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wonderful post, Rae! I luv that you are looking at the selling of your items as a chance to upgrade your wardrobe! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834517 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:38:13 +0000 Raisin 834517@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really relate to not wanting to let something go because you feel like it's admitting you chose wrong, or miscalculated, I hate to make dumb mistakes! Like buying a jacket with a high neck, when I know I hate things on my neck. I realized too that once I acknowledged those mistakes and gave myself permission to get rid of them, I have become much better at thinking through my purchases, and most things do actually work for me now. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834455 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:50:19 +0000 pil 834455@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very insightful, Rae. I really enjoyed reading this and you've got me pondering my closet now. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834453 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:46:55 +0000 texstyle 834453@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>LOVE this post Rae because I've been doing so much purging the past year or so and it feels so much BETTER to get rid of things that don't make me feel happy when I wear them. It is an expensive learning process I suppose but then again, I didn't own a lot of super high end items.</p> <p>I have a charcoal blazer from jcrew that I've owned for 4 years and have not. worn. once. The problem with that one is that it makes me happy in that it fits, looks good, etc. but right now my lifestyle doesn't demand formality and I HATE dry cleaning chemicals. It's def. a dry clean only item. I thought I'd make myself wear it this winter but it hasn't been very cold and I haven't had a need to "dress" more than my comfier more RATE jackets.</p> <p>But there are still other items that I've been holding onto similarly - some worn once or twice. I'm working towards clearing them out a little at a time.</p> <p>Just yesterday I purged a bunch of socks. Most of these just never felt good or they were too heavy or too tight or something. Now my sock drawer is SO much more pleasing to open! Even the little stuff helps.</p> <p>And I have a friend who makes jewelry so whenever I purge costume items I can send them to her knowing she can dissect them as she pleases - so it makes me happy.</p> <p>And the comfort factor is critical to happiness for me these days. I can barely stand "skinny" jeans because I've learned how much better slightly slouchy straight jeans feel on my body. I've purged all but one pair of those.</p> <p>I think in another year or so my wardrobe will be more compact but better than it's ever been for me.</p> <p>sorry to go on so long! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834451 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:45:14 +0000 Anonymous 834451@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very liberating. I understand completely, especially the part of how letting go of the inexpensive stuff is so much easier. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834440 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:35:54 +0000 Sara L. 834440@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You articulated very well a problem that a lot of us struggle with. Although I purge my closet several times a year, I have a tendency to hang on to things that I think I didn't use enough to justify the purchase. I need to just them go whether they cost a lot or not. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834433 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:32:21 +0000 Suz 834433@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wonderful, Rae! This is an important (and freeing) realization. I know it can be hard -- I am okay passing something along if I have worn it quite a lot, or if I did not pay much in the first place, but it can be painful to acknowledge the shopping "mistakes." At the same time, passing along those clothes makes room for new, better things. </p> <p>I either pass mine along to a YLF friend or consign them. And it feels good to do so! </p> <p>Given my recognition that I really like to have a certain number of new things in my closet each year (which I will then wear to the point of boredom) I am even planning to build this in to my budget. I'll just EXPECT to recycle a certain proportion of my things each year (maybe 1/4 -- not sure?) and then I won't feel as much guilt when I pass them along, whether they're much worn and loved or virtually unworn. If they are not earning a place - good bye! </p> <p>Denise, I'm not sure it is "greedy" to want new things. It is part of your style persona to be very much ahead of the trend. Perhaps reframing to look at it that way will make it seem less guilt-inducing. And perhaps setting a few limits, either by budget or by number of new items per season you will permit yourself? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834422 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:24:16 +0000 Claudia 834422@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Excellent post that really resonates, Rae. Not just for the closet, but in life, too! Thanks for articulating it so well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834418 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:22:25 +0000 amiable 834418@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks Rae - this really helps me! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834365 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 12:25:46 +0000 Jaime 834365@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes once the cost is sunk it is sunk. No point in adding insult to injury by forcing yourself to keep things that make you unhappy when you have things that fill you with delight! (At least that is what I tell myself.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834361 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 12:19:10 +0000 missvee 834361@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I totally agree with you. I always have to remind myself that the money's gone and whether I keep the item s in question or not, the money's not coming back. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834326 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 08:19:35 +0000 Adelfa 834326@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Holding on to things that don't work means you have to build outfits around them. Which means you have to spend a lot of mental energy trying to make something work that never will. Which in turn means you have to *wear* the outfit you struggled to plan. Which means you won't feel right that day. Which means--often--that you'll spend even more mental energy trying to plan an outfit that works better.</p> <p>Makes me tired just to write it! This is what I'm trying to remember. Because it's hard for me to let go, too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834322 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 08:02:04 +0000 rae 834322@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Cathy, that is so true. I have saved many items hoping for another YLF swap!</p> <p>Denise, I feel greedy sometimes, too. :T But weirdly purging makes me feel less so... like I don't want to hoard everything for myself; I just learn different needs... and sometimes the need is a change. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834320 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 07:48:18 +0000 CocoLion 834320@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I so understand this. It's so hard for me to pass on things that I got last season but haven't worn this season. Especially if I paid a lot for it.</p> <p>Honestly I think I'm just greedy and always want new things. Plus I look at my clothes every day, and so my eye will tire of an item even if I don't wear it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834310 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 07:23:41 +0000 cciele 834310@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Totally get it. I thank my items for their service and find them a better home. I love it when friends get joy out of an item I've invested my time and money in but no longer suits me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834308 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 07:05:08 +0000 lyn* 834308@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for the reflection, Rae, it's very thoughtful ... I definitely cling on to my full-priced items too, even though they may not make me happy 100%.</p> <p>I hope you feel better. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reflections-on-the-happiness-factor-and-letting-go#post-834307 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 07:04:20 +0000 Caro in Oz 834307@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I absolutely get it. I used to sell my mistakes on ebay but now I give them to charity - even though it's painful sometimes, I just accept it &amp; move on.</p> <p>I find this approach works for me &amp; keeps me honest when I'm buying stuff - I'm less likely to rationalise a poor purchase. </p>