https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 08 May 2026 11:21:07 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113584 Thu, 31 Dec 2009 21:38:06 +0000 Christie 113584@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I wore my new knee-high Docs yesterday and felt a bit conspicuous, such a new, edgy look for me. But I paired it with some feminine items, thanks to what I'm learning from YLF, and didn't feel too "punk." I got a few neutral (perhaps being kind) comments from people I know, and one compliment from a stranger. But I like the boots, and my husband really likes the boots, so they are here to stay. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113579 Thu, 31 Dec 2009 21:29:42 +0000 shiny 113579@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting. In my workplace, we've all gone through sexual harassment training, and had it drilled into our heads that making comments about one's clothing is a huge no-no, as it can be misconstrued. Male coworkers would never, ever make such a comment to female coworkers, and vice versa. With that said, the females trade compliments all the time... even if it is a double standard!</p> <p>You could try being straight with this particular coworker, tell him that his comments make you uncomfortable, and ask him to keep it to himself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113491 Thu, 31 Dec 2009 17:33:09 +0000 Angie 113491@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>*chuckle*</p> <p>I love how they're getting used to your flawless style at work, Tanya. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113433 Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:12:01 +0000 Tanya 113433@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Kristine, and welcome!</p> <p>I am a scientist in a very male-dominated field, so I used to get such comments all the time. Eventually people will get used to it and stop commenting. As long as you feel comfortable and confident, that's all that matters.</p> <p>You just need to develop thicker skin and not let it bother you. Here is a funny story: a friend of mine showed up one day very nicely dressed as well (nothing over the top) and a male coworker commented something along "Aren't we dressed up today or what". The poor girl felt uncomfortable and replied that "Tanya (me) is dressed up too, I am not the only one"; at the which the guy said back "She is ALWAYS dressed up, so she doesn't count" :)</p> <p>Once they get used to it, they will stop. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113428 Thu, 31 Dec 2009 04:58:41 +0000 Kari 113428@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome, Kristine!</p> <p>I've dealt with a similar issue - not so much people commenting on changes in my style, but more that I receive comments that I'm dressed differently than most others around me. Case in point: at my workplace (a desk/office job) most people in my department and contemporary positions wear jeans, flat shoes, and knit tops or sneakers. I wear a lot of skirts and dresses and love bright colors, and even when I style skirts in a way that reads "smart casual" to my eyes, I receive comments about how "dressed up" I am (particularly when I was a new employee, because colleagues wanted me to make I knew I didn't have to "dress up.") I have a less casual, more structured style preference than other women in my immediate family, so I'm aware that I stick out sometimes even around home.</p> <p>I still feel funny about standing out and worry that I look overdressed or unapproachable, but I'm not worried enough about it to abandon the style preferences I've developed. Instead, if someone asks, I try to convey that I really just have an easier time finding skirts and dresses that fit rather than pants, and I try to project a welcoming, friendly vibe to nix the assumption that "dressy" clothes = an unapproachable snob. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113367 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 21:26:11 +0000 Beth 113367@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>People nearly always cling to the status quo and what they're used to. As I've been trying to work my way out of a fashion rut, I've gotten a few comments, too.</p> <p>The most amusing one was from my DH, who's verrry conservative (the boy wears bowties and not ironically either). He's good at telling me if something is flattering or not, but he's no fashion critic. When I modeled my new sweater dress recently and asked what he thought, he paused and said "I'm just not used to seeing you dressed like that" and grinned. It's all about reeducating eyes...ours and theirs:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113352 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 21:01:26 +0000 marianna 113352@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oops posted twice. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113351 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 21:01:24 +0000 medusa 113351@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kristine, welcome! By any chance is your co-worker a scientist/engineer/tech person? I'm a scientist and there are lots of us who fit the socially awkward stereotype. I can totally imagine one of my colleagues saying something like that as an awkward attempt to acknowledge that you're doing something new. If that's the case I might try joking around with him like Khris suggests...if he says "you don't wear skirts" you can sarcastically reply, "Oh no, this body has a skirt on, it must not truly be me! What has happened to me?" </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113349 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 21:00:45 +0000 marianna 113349@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can relate. Whenever I am wearing something new that is out of my comfort zone I almost wait and/or expect people to comment. The comments make me uncomfortable, thus trying new things is scary for me... thus sometimes I am resistant to leave my comfort zone! People will notice change, there's no getting around it. I guess you have to block out the negative comments and enjoy the positive. Ultimately the reaction will be positive (don't let one jerk get to you!) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113346 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:54:15 +0000 Srujana 113346@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kristine, I work in a almost completely male-dominated workplace and when I first started dressing a little bit less like a college student (hoodies, jeans, sneakers) and more like the engineer that my job description outlines (slacks, nice tops, boots, pumps, accessories) I got an unbelievable amount of comments similar to the ones you've gotten. Guys would literally do a double take, then make borderline inappropriate comments about something as simple as a pair of slouchy boots.</p> <p>I've learnt to brush it off for the most part, though it still annoys me from time to time. In my experience, male coworkers mean well, but their intentions sometimes get lost in translation when they speak. I have decided that just because the dress code is lax, doesn't mean that I need to dress sloppy. I love the way my wardrobe has evolved since being a part of YLF, and I love the confidence and light heartedness that comes from something as simple as knowing that I look good. Keep doing what you're doing and don't hesitate to explore your clothing options... I've bought numerous dresses with the intention of wearing the to work with leggings and boots...and the only thing that has stopped me so far is nervousness about the comments such looks would attract. But I will do it soon! So break out your skirts and enjoy yourself! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113319 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:15:48 +0000 AJ 113319@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome Kristine!<br /> I am a rather shy person and started off with a lot of negative self talk, so when I first started receiving compliments, instead of enjoying their positive feedback, I started thinking, "Was I dressing that bad before that they're making such a fuss over me now?" Since then, I've grown more confident in developing my style and enjoy putting thought into what I'm wearing. Now, everyone is used to me and I rarely get compliments anymore. I laugh about it now because I'm finally confident enough to receive the compliments and now I don't get any! My husband is very sweet and takes the time to say something nice and positive about my daily outfits.<br /> So what I'm trying to say is that I think part of it is others getting used to your new look and you getting used to the attention your getting. In awhile it will all balance out.<br /> Welcome again and I look forward to sharing your style journey with you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113316 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:03:33 +0000 marianne 113316@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>In general, those comments sound quite harmless, but they would make me feel uncomfortable, too. And if it becomes obvious that you are uncomfortable, that might lead to more comments So it's nice to have a few canned responses to those to avoid being caught by surprise - I like Chewy's idea.<br /> It also helped me somewhat to have a little mind game with myself, something like "let's pretend that there isn't anything new and I always dressed this way, and that's the way I should react" </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113313 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 17:53:54 +0000 Sarah 113313@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Change for me has always come in the form of a pendulum. I swing one way and try that out for a bit, swing back the other way and try that out before finding my happy "middle". During those swings, I usually do get comments because people aren't used to how I'm presenting myself. I try to accept the comments for face value and not read much into them. It's hard because I'm a huge softy and take things very personally. But when it comes down to it, people don't really *care* what you look like, as in, a life altering caring, but they are interested. So try to put their comments through that lens and see if it changes things.<br /> Be confident in yourself, and people will eventually rise to meet you there. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113305 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:52:38 +0000 chewyspaghetti 113305@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would probably just give a deadpan answer to those silly question-assaults. "What are THOSE?" "They're called BOOTS- you may have heard of them"- at which you turn right back to what you were doing or walk on by with purpose.<br /> That sounds annoying- I hope he stops soon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113300 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:36:13 +0000 Kristine 113300@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you so much for the responses. Maybe it is a cloddish way of paying a compliment! </p> <p>Michelle, I work in the museum field, but in the collections area so I don't see the public that often. I could get away with wearing nearly anything. I've seen co-workers in sweatpants, the kind with elastic at the bottom of the legs! There's a wide range of style and it's true that this particular co-worker is in a rut. Female co-workers have been more complimentary. People outside of work (my husband, friends, mom) have also been supportive. </p> <p>I guess I'm a bit shy and don't like to be noticed, so I probably read too much into comments. Hhm, maybe there's more to this than I'm realizing. I've considered wearing skirts every single day until everyone, especially myself, is used to it! From the frying pan into the fire! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113292 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:14:56 +0000 Michelle 113292@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome to the forum, Christine! I'm sorry to hear you're being made to feel uncomfortable about your fashion transformation. I can't help but wonder if people are projecting some of their own insecurities when they make potentially snide remarks about your clothing. Perhaps they're now feeling a little dowdy or out of step when they compare their outfits to your new, more stylish wardrobe? Perhaps they lack the courage to make the changes they see you implementing every day? Obviously this theory can't apply to everyone, but it could explain some behaviours. Are these reactions widespread or just confined to the office environment? What field do you work in?</p> <p>I'm certain you'll find that YLF can help counteract the uncertainty you're starting to feel about your style evolution. The amazing women here will provide you with honest feedback and give you many great ideas. </p> <p>And btw, I'm jealous of your burgundy boots! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113291 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:13:07 +0000 Alecia 113291@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome, Kristine. I think your responses sound spot on. Until folks catch up with you, you've got a wonderful place to vent and get support. Good on you, by the way, for making the effort! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113287 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:09:05 +0000 Angie 113287@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>And another welcome from me! </p> <p>It’s hard to remain unaffected by ambiguous comments. I do actually think your co-worker was trying to pay you a compliment in a very indirect way. </p> <p>Over the years I’ve learnt that when one makes changes of any kind, one has to accept the heat that goes along with it. Changing one’s personal style for the better is a fun journey and others will notice the changes taking place. If you can find a way to deal with back chat, it’s worth the effort. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113281 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 15:47:47 +0000 RoseandJoan 113281@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome to the forum.</p> <p>My thoughts are the same as Louise's. If a work colleague says 'you look nice' it may be misconstrued in so many ways. Could it be just banter? </p> <p>My Dad, bless him, is master of reverse psychology, if he says 'it will take more than a bit of make up to make you look good' it is always accompanied by a cheeky wink which belies it's true meaning. This may be attributed to the British sense of humour.</p> <p>Do your female work colleague behave in the same manner? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113277 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 15:20:18 +0000 Louise 113277@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome<br /> I think in a 'manly' way he's perhaps paying you a compliment. I'm sure eventually they'll stop once they get used to the new you x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/reactions-and-resistance#post-113275 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 15:04:33 +0000 Kristine 113275@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi everyone, I'm relatively new to the forum and would like to thank everyone for all of the inspiration! I'm in my late 30s and, after falling into a slump, I've been working on dressing better over the past year or two. </p> <p>One thing that's been a little difficult is the reactions from co-workers. I almost never used to wear skirts or heeled boots with dark jeans for example. Even though I've been wearing them more frequently, I still get a reaction almost every time. </p> <p>One male co-worker in particular has to comment on anything evenly vaguely out of the ordinary ("whoa, what in the world are those?" about simple burgundy boots with a 1.5" heel!). Or "you don't wear skirts!" (well, um, apparently I do because I have one on). I laugh it off and say things like "get used to it" with a smile, but I'm getting tired of it. There's no question in my mind that I'm dressed appropriately for work, so I don't think that's the issue.</p> <p>Reactions won't stop me, but it's frustrating that people have me so pigeonholed that they resist change more than I do! I guess I should look on the positive side and consider it proof that I really am making a change! </p> <p>Has anyone else dealt with resistance or ongoing comments from co-workers, friends or others in their life? If the comments were complimentary I'd be flattered, but instead I feel singled out and slightly embarrassed. I imagine over time people will get used to the change, but the comments are part of why I lack courage to dress more creatively. </p>