https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 26 Apr 2026 09:43:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items/page/2#post-1308055 Sat, 19 Jul 2014 15:34:00 +0000 Janet 1308055@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just wanted to pop back in and say thank you again to all of you. I have read and reread the responses, and it means a lot to see what you all have to say. Clearly, this is a challenge for many people. I feel like I've tackled another phase of the project, but it will continue. I'm going to chat with my oldest niece (who is in the area and can actually look at some of this stuff) about some of the things I'm holding on to, to see if she wants any of it. Not only is she "next in line" for these kinds of family mementos, but she's also a psychologist, so she knows what's going on from that perspective as well. And I suspect that looking through some of these things might be therapeutic and interesting for her as well. She was not able to be here for her grandmother's final days, or for the time when her mom and I cleaned out my childhood home, but I knew she has many memories there as well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items/page/2#post-1308003 Sat, 19 Jul 2014 14:38:59 +0000 ironkurtin 1308003@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have only skimmed all of this, and it may be too late, but taking a picture of things before you pass them on is a wonderful way to keep the memory but not the physical item. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items/page/2#post-1306741 Fri, 18 Jul 2014 01:27:05 +0000 Echo 1306741@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I was gone for a little while and so am late to this thread, but I wanted to add that it is VERY difficult to let go of things when one hasn't fully worked through the emotional toll of losing the people. We moved into the house my DH grew up in, and it was filled with things when we moved in - the furniture, clothing in the closets, pots and pans - literally everything he had grown up with. I tried to make room for "us" in the house, but DH lost his mum when he was 16, and to be honest, I am still not sure he has fully dealt with it. He didn't want to get rid of or even move anything. He wanted to keep canned goods in a drawer because that's what his mum did.<br />&nbsp;<br />I realized that it was holding us back and it was holding him back, and we started one room at a time. When we had children several years later, it was much easier to completely clear out a room, refinish the floor, paint the walls and make it "new". Periodically, I would suggest we "redecorate" a room, which was simply an excuse to get rid of stuff. But it helped to be creating something new in his mind instead of just getting rid of the old. It has been a long process.</p> <p>I am sentimental about very specific items, but not in the grand scheme of most things. There is a very short list of things I want when my mum passes (my dad passed many years ago), and because we talk openly about things (and have made all the arrangements for when she dies), she knows what they are and has them set aside - along with all the important documents - in a locked box in the bank to which both she and I have a key.&nbsp;</p> <p>But I had the advantage of working through a lot of my emotions and feelings about her passing when we made all the arrangements and when she put my name on all the relevant things to make sorting things easier when she dies. It was a difficult process for me to go through, and while I will be devastated when she dies, all the legal arrangements being done will make things easier. Losing a parent suddenly makes things much, MUCH more difficult to process - both emotionally and physically.&nbsp;</p> <p>My only advice is not to rush. If you are unsure about anything, keep it a while longer. If you haven't thought about it in a year, then pass it on. But don't get gung-ho about purging and then regret letting something go.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items/page/2#post-1304024 Tue, 15 Jul 2014 15:57:36 +0000 bella 1304024@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a beautiful thread. I come from a tradition that believes in getting rid of a person's belongings shortly after they pass away. Donating clothes, furniture, books, etc. to charity, or people in need is seen as a great act of charity, a kind of good deed that will earn the deceased merit in the afterlife in the eye of creator. So by tackling this really huge, emotional issue, you are not doing it just for your sake, but for the your loved one, who passed away. It is a duty to be completed for those who remain in order to honor the soul of the person who passed. Maybe this way of thinking would give you some courage and strength to tackle the issue.&nbsp;I just wanted to put it out there as a different perspective.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items/page/2#post-1303286 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 21:07:35 +0000 Glory 1303286@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What an incredible thread. So moving and deeply personal.<br />Both of my parents passed away when I was in my very early 20s.&nbsp;<br />Like you Janet, I had to make the decision to remove my mother from life support. That is a very difficult job to have. I agonized over it but felt it was the right decision for her, just not for me.&nbsp;<br />Since my parents have been gone for such a long time (I am 54) there are only a few mementos that I have of them. From my mother I really have nothing more than a few photos. I have taken one of them when she was in her mid twenties and framed it. It sits on my piano. I love seeing her dressed in a lovely frock, smiling.&nbsp;<br />From my father, I have several photos and somehow I have&nbsp;a love letter he wrote to my mother. How fabulous!&nbsp;<br />For some reason I have not other items. The only possible thing I could wish for is information. How did they meet? What were their parents like? Family keepsakes are the memories that are built in the day to day life. They are forgotten from generation to generation. If you have some stories and memories consider writing them down for future generations. If a small memento can be saved with the story of why it is sentimental, that would be wonderful. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1303167 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 19:19:06 +0000 rachylou 1303167@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Spirograph! My Spirograph is gone, but I found a replacement app for it for my phone!!</p> <p>As for Litebrite... I think I better go do an inspection of my mother's basement. I expect to see Litebrite still there or heads will roll, lol. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1303116 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 18:25:21 +0000 Janet 1303116@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yay, Astrid! I am on a purging roll now. Good thing I don't have any client work going on this week. Once you start casting a critical eye on all the stuff around you, it's very enlightening. </p> <p>Oh, rachy, I hear you on the dollhouse. The dollhouse I adored as a kid fell victim to rust in mom's basement, and she threw it out. I was also really, really bummed that she got rid of my Lite Brite! Of all the toys, I loved that thing. I do have the old Spirograph. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1303056 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 17:46:03 +0000 rachylou 1303056@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No way. My doll house that my brother bought me with saved up allowance money is still with us. Some things ain't never gonna happen.</p> <p>Teddy, however, had to bite the dust... because he literally turned to dust. </p> <p>But Teddy lives on. He's become like Obi Wan. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302981 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 16:27:10 +0000 Astrid 1302981@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet, I get comments on the phone every time someone first visits me! Your thread just made me go crazy and sort through my books (dust!), something long overdue. I now have about 50 books on my kitchen table and the phone number of a charitable organisation that would come and take them of my hands bookmarked. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302906 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 14:54:51 +0000 Mo 1302906@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, Janet, thanks for the personal reply. &nbsp;That's a lot of responding to do to each one of us. &nbsp;<br />I'm glad you could get through some of the stuff. &nbsp;And yes, 2 or 3 boxes of mementos for someone to have to go through one day is not the same as the 20 you are dealing with. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302881 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 14:32:33 +0000 Janet 1302881@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Astrid, that PHONE! Too cool. There was a red one in my sister's old bedroom like that years ago. I guess mom got rid of it at some point when she moved to a touch-tone phone! It sounds like you have a nice small collection of things to remember your Oma by. :-)</p> <p>Shannon, I hear you on books! Fortunately, we have lots of bookshelves in this house, but it is finite, you know? I wish you all the best in your downsizing efforts -- you were part of the inspiration for me digging into this task, so thank you, for the nudge, and for the moral support. Big hugs to you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302871 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 14:25:51 +0000 Janet 1302871@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mary, thank you for reminding me of the BOOKS! Haha, I have a little bookcase in my office that holds a full shelf of some of my childhood books (that copy of The Bear Party will never leave my house!), and a full shelf of things from my mom's house that held funny memories or that I knew were her favorites. Plus her well-marked up Psychology textbook (she was so happy when she started going to night college classes!) and one of my dad's books from high school with his name in the front. I could probably thin this out, even though I have plenty of room in my office for books (I thinned out my office library recently and gave away a lot of graphic design books). </p> <p>rabbit, it's so true. If too many things are kept, it actually dilutes the memories. I think there is a healthy balance, and I'm still finding it. My husband and I talked about it this morning, and it's funny because he's always been so quick to throw out things, but he encouraged me to keep the things that held meaning for me, even if it means that someday someone will have to go through a box or two (not 20!). There are little treasures and surprises when you find the mementos of someone you love -- little clues to the person they were. There was joy in finding some of these gems amongst my mom's stuffed house. I think there's a way to leave some of these things behind for your loved ones without overwhelming them. </p> <p>kkards, I'm like you -- slow in processing this stuff. And that's OK. Great point about digitizing things. I will especially keep that in mind for some of the contents of the box of paper mementos! </p> <p>Celeste, that story is amusing in the darkest way but HORRIFYING! I guarantee that someday you and your daughter will laugh about it, but boy, what a hard lesson. </p> <p>Mo, I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack too, so hugs. That boat sounds like such a loaded reminder. I have mostly come to only keep things that remind me of good times. </p> <p>Ornella, thank you for the book recommendation. It's on my Amazon list now. You're so right about the impermanence of all of this. What you said about one person's treasured belongings becoming so much trash in a dumpster -- so true. Just watch any episode of Hoarders. This is why my sister and I wanted to clean mom's house out so thoroughly before we sold it. It seemed necessary to treat her "collections" with at least some measure of respect. Even if it meant taking that whole big box of empty glass Wheat Germ jars to be recycled. </p> <p>Carter, so true that the memories are there, even if the stuff isn't. I have letters that mom kept from my dad (and from her boyfriend before my dad!) that were written while serving in the Navy during WWII. No way am I tossing those -- there is history there as well as sentimentality. I've only made it through about a third of them, on a cold winter Sunday with a glass of wine and plenty of time and solitude to read and cry and imagine my mom and dad as such young people. When I'm done with them, and my sister has some time with them too, I bet my nieces will appreciate them as well. </p> <p>Mary, what a great Little Kiddles story! And what a brilliant idea to keep something special like that as a Christmas ornament. I am totally stealing that idea!</p> <p>Ginkgo, hugs to you, and good luck as you tackle your collections too! Let me know how it goes. We can support each other in our quest!</p> <p>Gaylene, I don't know if I've said it before, but I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. My sister and I had a similar weight falling on us, since dad passed so long ago, and there were generations of belongings to go through, filling up my childhood home. There is so much wisdom in your post, and yes, you are expressing the very same things I've been thinking about. What am *I* leaving behind that someday my stepsons and my nieces will have to go through? When I view things through that lens, perhaps it will make it easier to be more selective. Not that I plan on going anywhere anytime soon! I love the idea of the nice storage boxes -- in fact, I have a couple of woven boxes (that were mom's) in my office (pictured below) that hold a mish-mash of mementos, but mostly the ones that are more meaningful to me. At some point I will thin out that collection a bit. </p> <p>Caro, absolutely -- "stuff in boxes." I don't want that. It does take some time for many of us, doesn't it? Grieving doesn't have a timetable or a defined ending. Twenty-three years since his passing, and I had a grieving moment for dad yesterday remembering him taking me to baseball games. When he died, I kept a few of his shirts and wore them sometimes, and then years later, I decided to get rid of them. Well, lo and behold, yesterday I found one worn out old faded blue dress shirt. I washed it and hung it in my closet. Don't be surprised if it shows up in a WIW. </p> <p>LBD, I found Flylady helpful some years ago when I was getting our last home sorted out after my husband (then my boyfriend) moved in with me and I had to make room for him and adjust to sharing my roof with another adult! I will have to revisit her, thanks!</p> <p>Carla, I bet that boarding school experience really did give you a valuable lesson in simple living. I never had that. My mom was the kind of person who would pack an entire small bag JUST with toiletries and vitamins and medicine for a weekend trip! She would be prepared for anything at any time. But I relate to you "just saying no" to all those hand-me-downs. I declined to take much furniture at all from my mom's house because it didn't fit with the decor in my home and it just seemed like too much trouble to figure out how to use it. I do have some small pieces, and even some of those either need to go or be repurposed/refinished/reupholstered (I'm looking at you, ancient piano bench!). </p> <p>I know this has been really lengthy, but this has been really helpful to me to "talk" with you all about this. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. You all are the BEST! </p> <p>In a weird case of timing, my stepson came in yesterday while I was in the thick of this project, upset because his car had been broken into. The thief got for his trouble:<br /> - about $2 in change,<br /> - a beat-up canvas satchel that my stepson found on the sidewalk last year, which contained:<br /> - a pile of books, mostly used and free paperbacks, and nearly worthless, and<br /> - the handmade quilt that his mother made for him for his 20th birthday. </p> <p>The value of the *stuff* is nearly nothing, but N is so angry about that quilt. God help anyone he sees on the street of the city with that quilt, because he WILL reclaim it. He said he'd be happy to go buy someone a warm blanket but give him that quilt. Just goes to show you how most stuff is meaningless, but there are special things that are irreplaceable. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302852 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 14:12:30 +0000 Transcona Shannon 1302852@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet - first of all, big HUGS Dealing with sentimental items is so incredibly difficult.</p> <p>All along, I've tried to keep things from my childhood home to a minimum but it's tough. I have a real fondness for books and we all know how much room they take! This will be the next stage in our simplicity project at home as we would like to start downsizing the stuff long before we physically downsize our home. </p> <p>DS is quite sentimental and he has many things from his young years (he's almost 19 now) that were given to him by grandparents, especially from my FIL, who he was extremely close to. Those will be difficult decisions for him to make I'm sure.</p> <p>I have no great advice in this area - I'm much more brutal with my clothes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302808 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 13:40:19 +0000 Astrid 1302808@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm glad you found a way to start with the purge, Janet! I really want to do some more purging myself. There's still room for improvement, even though my flat doesn't look that bad. But I don't want to think about the basement! </p> <p>When we sold my Oma's house we had siblings and five children with family going through the stuff to decide what should go where and there still was a lot to throw away in the end. My grandparents weren't hoarders in any way, but they lived in that house for fifty years without moving! It's really scary how many things we usually accumulate over a lifetime.</p> <p>From my Oma I have some jewelry and one scarf, plus some things she made for me like a skirt, blouse, knitted socks and so on. And her old Singer sewing machine, but it's at my parents for the moment, my flat is just too tiny to keep it here. My sister has the even older one, the one that is hand-operated and can be put away into the table. They almost threw it away, I helped her to rescue it. The one thing I took after the house was more or less emptied already was their old grassgreen phone... I was regularly staying there as a child when my parents had exams and were busy and I remember talking with them over this phone. Plus, the sound of the ring? Instantly takes me back. It's just decoration right now, but it still functions. I plan to put it to use again in the future... From my Opa I have a wooden box I keep earrings and other jewelry in, he used to make them in his freetime. </p> <p>Generally I think keeping just a few things is the way to go - so you can keep them where you can see them or really use them. I'm not a fan of stored boxes... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302784 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 13:04:02 +0000 Carla 1302784@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When I was 11 I went away to boarding school. I wore a uniform, and my personal space was the size of a bathroom cubicle. I loved the compact simplicity of these living arrangements. When I went home for the summer, I purged by bedroom and threw out 3 garbage bags of stuff. (At 11-12 years of age, it was mostly old notebooks and projects from school. Afterwards my room was always spartan. (My mother says I lived like a nun!)</p> <p>I am still a minimalist, but DH is not. He is not a hoarder by any means, but he does like to put things away (out of sight, out of mind) 'just in case'!</p> <p>I posted in another thread that during the move from one home to another just this month, that I realized other than our bedroom set, a couch, and my piano, all the furniture in our house was given to us by my mother (when she remarried, she combined two households of antiques, and passed stuff on to us) and from my in-laws estate. The furniture is all 'good', but not always to my taste. And how many sets of white table linens does one need! (I could have started a catering company with the table clothes and napkins I had amassed!). Now my mom is downsizing (again) and asking me if I want her silver plate! </p> <p>Though I keep declining things, she keeps offering/sending me stuff and then expects to see it when she visits. Very complicated!</p> <p>I'm in my 50's and in the last home I plan to own. I want a certain simplicity and spaciousness without clutter. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302781 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 12:58:38 +0000 Mary Beth (formerly LBD) 1302781@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have only skimmed the replies here, but <a rel="nofollow" href="http://flylady.net">Flylady</a>&nbsp;has a very very good site, dedicated to decluttering - and there is a lot of material there, dealing with emotional and sentimental attachment to things. &nbsp; Over the past nine years, her site has really changed my thinking and my life. &nbsp; I have to admit - I was kind of on my way to being a Hoarder. &nbsp; Not trash or garbage, just all the 'nice' things from a bunch of older female relatives who saw me as the perfect opportunity to get rid of their 'nice' clutter, guilt-free. &nbsp; When someone gave me a lightly-tarnished silverplate tabasco sauce holder - that didn't actually fit the current tabasco-sauce bottles they make now - I realized there was a serious problem starting to build up!</p> <p>So back to Flylady: &nbsp; the repetitive theme throughout her site is "15 Minutes at a Time. &nbsp; You Can Do Anything for 15 Minutes". &nbsp; And it's very true, especially when it is a seemingly insurmountable project full of emotion and memories. &nbsp; &nbsp;Flylady, aka Marla Cilley, also says you shouldn't pull out more than you can finish/sort through/cull/complete in one hour.</p> <p>Dawn Dolls! &nbsp; I had those when I was little, but they were kind of fragile and not up to the necessary hard-play specs of me and my sister. &nbsp;:D &nbsp; Your toys look as though they are in beautiful condition - I would consider researching online, and perhaps finding a buyer. &nbsp; Or donate them to a charity. &nbsp; Or give them to a child you know that you think would enjoy them :)&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302743 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 11:54:36 +0000 Janet 1302743@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I didn't have the energy to compose a thoughtful reply last night, but I did want to say thank you very much for all the touching stories and thoughts. </p> <p>I got into the weeds yesterday. Pulled the basement closet apart and opened all the boxes. Got my dad's baseball cards out of cardboard shoe boxes and into better containers (hubs and I will go through them another time -- it's two big boxes!). Shoved the big box of radio show cassettes back into place. I will digitize some of them sometime.</p> <p>I pulled together one trash bag of old dolls and puzzles to give away, plus some other random things. I now have the remaining dolls (those cases above, plus a few larger dolls, I think they were called Chrissy?) ready to sell or give to someone. Same goes for a box of other random toys (The Fisher Price school bus, remember that?). </p> <p>I made a little dent in a box of mementos -- my mom kept every greeting card ever sent to her. Sigh. By then it was getting late and the Orioles were on and I decided that was enough for the day, plus I still had to put the closet back together. </p> <p>So, there is a significant Goodwill pile, I've washed some old jackets that belonged to mom and dad that I'll keep (and wear sometimes). I've put some other coats in the cedar chest. I tossed out all old cardboard boxes and everything now fits in plastic see-through containers. </p> <p>Whew! </p> <p>It's just round one, but it will be easier to pare down from here. I so appreciate all the words of wisdom, encouragement, and sympathy. I'll never be a person who can just throw it all in the trash -- I feel like I have to respect these items for the most part -- but thoughtful purging I can do. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302334 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 22:03:40 +0000 Caro in Oz 1302334@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Like Gaylene anything I kept is where I can see it or use it. My mum died suddenly at 58 &amp; I think it took me about 10 years before I could even start to grieve. I kept heaps of stuff for years but I&nbsp;got to a point where stuff in boxes was mostly&nbsp;just stuff in boxes, if I didn't want it in my house then I knew I didn't want it.. Big hugs; it is a painful yet very cathartic process imo. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302306 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 21:31:09 +0000 Gaylene 1302306@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Such good advice and wisdom here, as usual. I've just been through much the same process of having to get rid of the final remnants&nbsp; of my parents' belongings with my mother's death in January. The earlier purges were easier because emotional ties were faint or non-existent, but this last purge was the one that hit close to the bone because these were things that I remember touching and seeing as a child, or things that were closely attached to my mother like her good jewelry and prized possessions.</p> <p>The hardest part was my getting my thoughts in order before tackling the task itself. First, I told myself that it was my responsibility to handle the task of my parents' things and those associated with my childhood. Our material possessions outlive us and someone will always have to do the tidying up after we are gone. When the time comes, my sons will have to go through a similar sorting, but it shouldn't be with the added burden of their grandparents' things because I shirked from my responsibility.&nbsp; Second, I needed to remind myself that my memories will still be there even if the actual possessions aren't. Take pictures if you want, but know that your emotional attachment to your mom and dad doesn't need a picture, or a pile of tangible possessions, to stay in your heart. Third, I told myself that, if I wanted to keep some mementos, those keepsakes deserved better treatment than thrown in a pile of dusty storage boxes where they were forgotten or could be overlooked if we had to evacuate our home quickly.</p> <p>Once I got my thoughts in order, I purchased a couple of nice storage boxes which fit on a shelf in our library where they would be easily accessible. Everything that I wanted to keep had to fit in these boxes. I sorted, reminisced, and decided which things were high priority keepsakes. I looked for ways to use some items in my everyday life--my dad's favorite mug is on my desk holding my pens and I started using my mom's jewel box for my own (much more limited!) jewelry with a couple of my mom's pieces stashed in there for good luck. My favorite childhood books, and those of my sons', are now in a small corner of our library where I see them every day. I stacked my now vintage Beatles/Doors/Rolling Stones/The Band albums from the 60s on the same shelf where they are looked at and coveted by my sons and their friends. Incorporating these items into my daily life gives me much more pleasure than they ever did in their storage boxes.</p> <p>After I picked the prized pieces to be displayed, used, or stored and cherished, the rest became just stuff that needed to be given to other family members, donated or sold to a new home, or purged. Instead of feeling dismayed at a heap of boxes in the corner of my basement, I feel my parents would be nodding approvingly, because I know this is how I would like my sons' to handle my husband's and my stuff after we are gone. It is nice to think that some of my things will continue to give others pleasure when I no longer need them. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302301 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 21:22:51 +0000 Ginkgo 1302301@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet, I understand completely how you feel, as I am very sentimental about "stuff" and am currently still struggling to part with the my aunt's childhood dolls and my grandmother's fox fur. &nbsp;I have also kept the beautiful work clothes that my mother made for me 25 years ago; &nbsp;the quality of her sewing is perfect and when I look at them I can feel her love for me. &nbsp;Anyway, just reading your post and other responses has inspired me to get to work clearing out "stuff" this afternoon.</p> <p>And thank you, Ornella, for the great book recommendation -- I'm zooming off to the library this afternoon to check it out. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302297 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 21:21:06 +0000 MsMary 1302297@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>OMG!&nbsp; I have a story about Liddle Kiddles!&nbsp; When I was a very little girl -- maybe 5 or 6 -- I loved Liddle Kiddles and for Christmas I especially wanted this one particular doll.&nbsp; It was Bunsen Burner, the fireman.&nbsp; And lo and behold, Santa brought ALL the Liddle Kiddles!&nbsp; It was the most. magical. Christmas. evah.&nbsp; </p> <p>ETA:&nbsp; I kept Bunsen Burner's little fire engine, tied a ribbon around it, and it hangs on my Christmas tree every year!</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302250 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 20:27:00 +0000 Janet 1302250@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, such touching stories, all of you. Thank you. I know I have lots of company in this struggle. </p> <p>My sister and I had a colossal task after mom died, cleaning out her house. It got a little easier as it went along, but the process still is not over, more than five years later. I do feel like it's time for another step in the process. The timing somehow feels right. Perhaps it's partly because we've passed that five-year milestone, and partly because my youngest stepson has now moved out and we're ready to reclaim our space. Time to move on. </p> <p>So, in that spirit...If anyone here knows someone who would appreciate some dolls in really good condition, let me know. These were mine when I was little. I have a bunch of Little Kiddles in a nice case, and Dawn &amp; Her Friends (smaller Barbie-ish dolls in the early 70s). They're very Megan Draper! Surely there are some 60s/70s collectors who would appreciate this stuff! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302226 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 19:56:13 +0000 carter 1302226@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My stepmom has lost her mother, father son and husband (my dad). Other than the jewelry my dad gave her, she has kept one very special item from each. Pearls from her mom, her dad's watch, a drawing her son did and framed for her, and the flag that used to fly on my dad's boat. She passed on some things to her niece and some things to me. I got all of her photo albums (there are about 40) and the love letters my dad sent her when he was trying to convince her to marry him. I haven't been able to read the letters yet, but I do pull out the albums at times. I will likely end up culling out the touristy pictures one day, but I'll definitely at least scan the pics with family in them. Back to my stepmom...I asked her how she could bring herself to only keep one thing. She said the things aren't the memories, the people are. She keeps one thing from each because they're part of who she is. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302224 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 19:54:51 +0000 Ornella 1302224@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet, I cannot recommend enough&nbsp;"Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui" book by Karen Kingston. Ignore the Feng Shui reference if that's not your thing, it's simply an useful book about not letting stuff rule one's life.&nbsp;It was such an eye opener and it truly shifted my perception of what I can let go.</p> <p>Also, I think that when the decision to purge is made, it is very likely the task will seem overwhelming. It will. Because, even if you just thinking about purging, it means you have things to let go of.</p> <p>What worked for me was starting slow and making small progress every day. When we were selling the old house and preparing to move two years ago, several months before the actual sale&nbsp;I gave myself a task to purge 1000 items in the next months. I photographed them all and saved the photos under names 1000.jpg, 999.jpg... etc. That way I knew how far from the goal I was.&nbsp;Some days I had several things to let go of, some just one. But I was shifting things every day and my brain was working in that mode, so it was easier and easier.</p> <p>Not thing was to small to get rid of, as long as I was getting rid of <i>something</i>. Getting rid = free mind from thinking about it = happy me!</p> <p>The craziest thing I kept for years - SIM card from my old mobile phone from when I lived in Ireland. How crazy was I to keep it for years?!? Did I really need that&nbsp;<u>piece of plastic</u> to remind me of the happy years, friendships, the amazing land and the wonderful people? No, because everything I need to recall those days is <u>already part of me</u>&nbsp;- forever, I just need to think of Ireland.</p> <p>The most difficult things to let go of were my son's baby things. But I managed. One by one, until I was ready to just offload it all. Some things are saved because he remembers them and loves them, some I'll make a patchwork blanket from (i.e. repurpose)&nbsp;,&nbsp;but I also teach him to give things away. My best friend's boy is a bit younger, my sone adores him, so now he says on his own "I've grown out of it, HE can have it."</p> <p>It's just stuff. Things. We can't allow to be burdened by them. But we must also understand the emotional pull of them and until that's deciphered it's pointless to get rid of certain belongings.&nbsp;</p> <p>Personally, I do not want my belongings to be burden to my son - or anyone who stays behind me -&nbsp;some day. I'll try to leave little for him to sort through. (Weirdly, when he saw my wedding dress he asked me if I can leave it to him!)&nbsp;Since I consider myself aware of this problem, I think&nbsp;it would not be fair on him to have too many difficult decisions about what to do with my items.</p> <p>These days as I was packing for our own&nbsp;move and two moments stood out: the first one was being happy to have had the experience of purging for previous move, because the lessons I learnt then made this move so much easier - but I can get rid of a lot more and will, once my life resumes after two years of transitional living, and once I see the actual use, or uselessness, of certain belongings in the more defined and&nbsp;settled household.</p> <p>The second moment is watching the flat in the neighbouring building being refurbished (photo below). About a month ago I notices something unusual there - the blinds on the bedrooms facing our flat&nbsp;were not going up or down, those seemingly unnoticeable everyday things which suddenly become important once they no longer happen. I felt sadness the moment I realised the blinds stood still for too long, I already knew that the old, feisty lady from it is&nbsp;there no more. She lived alone, I could often see her vacuuming her rooms&nbsp;or washing dishes.&nbsp;She was very old, she drove car&nbsp;and used bike although she needed two walking sticks.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>And then - she was gone.</p> <p>For a whole week the strange new&nbsp;people who care not about her apartment or the belongings inside&nbsp;came in to clean it, to rip the things out, to paint it...</p> <p>One morning I was woken up very early buy some noise &nbsp;-&nbsp;all her stuff literally went through the window, at the back of the truck. What were someone's belongings for decades, became a pile of junk in a moment. Such an eye opener.</p> <p>I'm not sure if this answers your question to any or some extent. I'm obviously on some get-rid-of-stuff kick myself these days and I know it will actually become more evident once I start fully unpacking on the other side. But, if you take one thing form here let it be: little by little. Start with what means least of all and move on.&nbsp;The more you purge, the more you'll want to. And it feels soo good. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302220 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 19:40:34 +0000 Mo 1302220@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I didn't keep much from my father's passing. &nbsp;I still have dreams he's alive and telling me they found a way to keep him going, for now. &nbsp;This is 17 years later. &nbsp;Had one just 2 mornings ago, actually. &nbsp;I got a Sunfish (little bathtub of a sailboat) that was his,&nbsp;but when I moved away from the lake itself where I had a boatslip, I left it in a friend's yard under their care. &nbsp;I haven't been on, or seen the boat, in over 10 years, although I know where it is and who has it. &nbsp;My father died on that boat (heart attack, drowning) on Donner lake. &nbsp;If it's not sentimental, I don't know what is. &nbsp;And yet, I'm okay with not having it and touching it. &nbsp;It is not him. &nbsp;It's just a thing. &nbsp;[hugs]&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302214 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 19:29:26 +0000 LACeleste 1302214@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Janet,<br />I am sorry you have such complex feelings about letting go of your Mom and were feeling sad. &nbsp;I'm glad your pugs cheered you up.</p> <p>I used to be a sentimental saver but am not anymore. &nbsp;Five years ago my sibs and I were given the task of cleaning out my parents' house after my Mom died. &nbsp;So much stuff!! &nbsp;It was a herculean task---super emotional because of sentimental feelings and the volume of stuff in the basement.</p> <p>Your story about toys just triggered a memory.</p> <p>I was a big doll collector as a young child and my prized possession was&nbsp;an extensive collection of Madam Alexander dolls, particularly international dolls. (Mostly because of the clothes! (duh) &nbsp; They were for display only and consequently&nbsp;in pristine shape when I carefully wrapped them up years ago&nbsp;for a possible future daughter. &nbsp;</p> <p>It was a big fantasy of mine to pass these on to E when she was old enough. When she was 6 during my Dad's&nbsp;house clean up, I decided to show her the big surprise. &nbsp;As I unwrapped the dolls, the jostling popped or sprung&nbsp;the (rotted) elastic bands inside the dolls and their heads and&nbsp;limbs started popping out and dangling by threads. &nbsp;Horrible. &nbsp;Horror movie horrible. &nbsp;&nbsp; The look on E's face was pure terror.&nbsp; Instead of joy I&nbsp;got "Mommy this is scary. &nbsp;Please throw these away NOW!!!)<br />Nope. &nbsp;Not a sentimental saver any more. :)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302196 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 18:57:52 +0000 kkards 1302196@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When my parent sold the house I grew up in,they went thru and get rid of tons of stuff. It was very methodical and they made piles for my sisters and I to decide what we wanted. Forward to 12 years later when my dad died. Amazing how much stuff was still left, and how much new stuff there was. This time, going thru it with my mom was like a land mine. Some days it was purge, purge, purge, and some days i think more was saved then let go. I'm a go slow kind of girl, I don't want to regret getting rid of something but I'm also a believer in technology, we where able to digitize a lot of what my dad kept, so that we could access the memory and even the feeling, but get rid of the physical. ( my dad loved to keep comics that spoke to him or his situation, newspaper articles about my mom, sisters or I, any volunteer/ charity he was involved with etc). Not sure if this is an option for you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302194 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 18:56:26 +0000 MsMary 1302194@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rabbit, I think that's a great way to put it.&nbsp; I hadn't really thought of it that way, but that's pretty much what I think, too.&nbsp; Just one special thing to represent the whole collection.&nbsp; That makes it meaningful rather than oppressive.</p> <p>And Janet, if you're not ready, then you're not ready.&nbsp; If you need to let those boxes sit for a while longer, that's okay too! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302188 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 18:48:31 +0000 rabbit 1302188@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's hard. &nbsp;I think sometimes like you say there is an emotional connection with some pain wrapped up in it, so I almost don't want to go through the sorting process, although revisiting the memories from time to time&nbsp;can be cathartic in it's own way&nbsp;too.</p> <p>I have a bright&nbsp;red brocade custom made&nbsp;silk coat that belonged to a great aunt. &nbsp;It doesn't fit anyone in our family, and it's cut way too big and short&nbsp;for me. &nbsp; I think about passing it on so someone else with her spark and sense of fun&nbsp;will enjoy it, but am unsure. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;<br />One thing though is I find that I don't need to keep everything that is sentimental. One or two objects that remind me of someone, one necklace and set of earrings from a grandmother,&nbsp;one toy from childhood, and my memories fill in the rest. &nbsp; By also having only a&nbsp;few sentimental&nbsp;things I can keep them out in my house or use them, no boxes of clutter. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/purging-sentimental-things-non-wardrobe-items#post-1302186 Sun, 13 Jul 2014 18:43:18 +0000 Janet 1302186@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you, Ingunn! Those links were helpful too. I love Houzz. </p> <p>I know that a lot of this stuff needs to go away. Maybe Goodwill for some of it, eBay for some things that are worth a little bit, and Freecycle? </p> <p>The old Barbie doll collection might be tough though. </p>