https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 03 May 2026 17:55:39 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/3#post-1385549 Wed, 29 Oct 2014 18:12:43 +0000 rachylou 1385549@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I always have these short hairs that poke up straight from the top of my head. They make me feel very messy. I try to get them to stay down, but they either get blown back up by the wind or I end up with my hair stuck down flat.</p> <p>Anyways, yesterday I learned no one has ever noticed my hair looking messy... lol. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/3#post-1385497 Wed, 29 Oct 2014 16:30:09 +0000 Janet 1385497@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just needed to chime back in and say, especially to that those of you I've met in person -- I've not noticed ANY of the things you mention that you're self-conscious about! </p> <p>We are definitely too hard on ourselves. Huge group hug! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/3#post-1385342 Wed, 29 Oct 2014 06:44:17 +0000 CocoLion 1385342@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I had to take a break from this thread for a few days because all of that vulnerability made me feel … I don't know, regretful and self-pitying. &nbsp;E, thank you for sharing your journey, I deeply related to what you said. &nbsp;</p> <p>And finally -- Adelfa --&nbsp;I can see why your co-workers complimented your hair this way, it really suits you! &nbsp;You look refined and polished and it brings out this aspect of your personality. &nbsp;And shows more of your luminous skin. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1385334 Wed, 29 Oct 2014 06:05:33 +0000 Firecracker (Sharan) 1385334@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for posting your lovely ponytail photos and congratulations on the ballet class! This thread has taught me a few things about how to appreciate our selves. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1385199 Wed, 29 Oct 2014 01:34:30 +0000 Vicki 1385199@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your story resonated all over the place and I, too, wanted to see your amazing pony tail!</p> <p>I just finished a mindfulness-based stress-reduction class today and came home with this relevant comment from the instructor that it seems we use Velcro for the negative and Teflon for the positive!</p> <p>Your thoughts really connect, as do so many others. &nbsp;I still carry the acne scars from my pre-teens and I've always had a long face and very big chin, so hairstyles are a strong and important consideration for me in my style.</p> <p>Thank you for raising this issue for all of us. &nbsp;I'll work on the quieting the mind of self-consciousness. &nbsp;^_^ </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1385162 Wed, 29 Oct 2014 00:20:41 +0000 Janet 1385162@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You go, Fannieprl! I bet the world won't stop either. I'm glad this discussion inspired you to jump in. YLF members start some really terrific discussions. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1385088 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 21:08:53 +0000 Fannieprl 1385088@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This discussion inspired me to finally sign up and join the discussion because it really hit a nerve. I'm sixty and for years have wanted to return to the ponytail style I wore when I was younger but I didn't do this because I listened to people who said longer hair looks unattractive on older women and I think my ears stick out too much. About six months ago I said baloney and started growing it long.</p> <p>I'm really glad I did, especially after reading the comments here. Women are always harder on themselves than anyone else but we're generally first to try and make someone else feel good about themselves. I think we need to be as nice to ourselves as we are to others. Cutting myself some slack is not a bad thing but boy has it taken me awhile to learn that.</p> <p>This morning I didn't make up the bed, left dishes in the sink and scattered clothes on the floor of the laundry room. The world didn't stop. I wore new sparkly shoes, a sexy blouse and lots of makeup. The world didn'tstop.</p> <p>To top off the day, I took a nice long nap on the couch. The world didn't stop</p> <p>I'm going to wear a ponytail tomorrow even though I think my ears stick out too much. I bet the world doesn't stop. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1384128 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 04:10:19 +0000 MsMary 1384128@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Love the ponytail!!</p> <p>And yay for ballet class!&nbsp; Many years ago I was dying to take karate classes but was quite embarrassed to be a 35-year-old beginner.&nbsp; Finally decided I wanted to do it more than I wanted to not be embarrassed, and I loved it and did it seriously for more than 10 years.&nbsp; And that has become my mantra:&nbsp; Which do I want more?&nbsp; To do X thing or not be embarrassed?&nbsp; Almost always, it's the second one (as you have also discovered)! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1384108 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 03:18:17 +0000 Jaime 1384108@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You look absolutely&nbsp;beautiful in those pictures. No qualifications, and I consider this unsolicited. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383757 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 17:15:45 +0000 E 1383757@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thnx Suz &amp; Krishnidoux! I think part of it was just the process of growing up, you know? :)</p> <p>Adelfa, I love your pony tail &amp; how excellent that you loved your ballet class! That's something I'd like to try again as an adult (I had the typical few years of hobby ballet as a young girl). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383738 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 16:32:26 +0000 Adelfa 1383738@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you all for the compliments, both on my looks and my bravery Dianthus, I don't know what your scar looks like, but you amaze me with your attitude. Sometimes an unkind remark I received long ago can still bother me.</p> <p>And that would be my partial answer to Denise.... I think many of these attitudes can be formed very young, but then if they seem to be confirmed by others&nbsp;in teen or young adult years, that can really set them. Not necessarily forever, but to the point where the issue will bother us unless we do a lot of work, and even then can rear its head from time to time.</p> <p>Another thought: self-image issues can really be a problem in relationships among women, in terms of how they're handled and spoken of. I think ylf strikes a nice balance because it doesn't really tolerate whining, but it's here for all of us if we want to confess or explore. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383666 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 14:06:17 +0000 Janet 1383666@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, I meant to add! Jody, you look fantastic in a ponytail! I can't even imagine what you see that I don't. I'm looking at your lovely eyes, and the way your hair sweeps back so smoothly from your hairline. When I wear a ponytail, if I don't kind of keep my bangs sideswept and try to comb them straight back, my totally wonky crooked hairline is all I can see. That, and the lines in my forehead. See, we all have these things we focus on! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383662 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 14:04:00 +0000 Janet 1383662@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We often learn these things by getting these messages from our families when we are young, even if they are not directed at us. I adore my mother and miss her terribly, but she was a very self-critical person -- deeply perfectionist and hard to please as well, although not in a nasty, overt way, which actually made it harder for me to recognize until I was much older. It's almost more difficult to recognize and overcome when it's cloaked in a sweet, demure personality that seems humble. </p> <p>So interesting and inspiring to read how some of you have overcome scarring incidents. My husband has a scar across his face -- running across from either side of the corners of his mouth, from running into a nearly-invisible barbed wire fence (on school property!) when he was a child. If he'd been a couple of inches taller and it had caught his throat, he would not have lived. I totally forget that he even has the scar until the topic comes up, I barely see it anymore! His mom has scars on her face from the car accident that took his father's life when he was seven years old (they were hit head on by a drunk driver). That must have been so hard for her -- to become a widow with two children at such a young age and to have to adjust to her looks changing as well (she had been a model). But she remains a beautiful, vibrant, inspiring woman to this day. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383661 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 14:03:29 +0000 LACeleste 1383661@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I saw you and your pony in my imagination and you look EVEN BETTER! &nbsp; Lovely and brave is a winning combo in my book! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383659 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 13:59:20 +0000 Meredith 1383659@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So glad you had the courage to post again. You are lovely just like I remembered and the pony really lets us see your natural, easy smile, smooth skin, warm eyes, and brows a model would kill for. Baby is such a cutie...an adorable pup is a wardrobe statement and essential don't you think? Kiddos on taking the ballet class! I hope you continue to do things that fill you with joy! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383654 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 13:37:42 +0000 Neel 1383654@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>And the women I totally adore and are my style icons actually feel self conscious? No ... You are not permitted to feel so!</p> <p>You are an inspiring bunch of beautiful women. Beautiful inside and outside. And even in this thread I only see inspiration for myself ... I have subjected you all to my own insecurities earlier. But I have stopped being mean to myself, because you all asked me to. And I have promised to bring up my children in a way that they are kind to themselves. So, no ... I am not going to feel self-conscious ever ... I will try my best :)</p> <p>And Adelfa ... You are beautiful. I noticed your beautiful skin and lovely eyes as soon as I saw your pic. </p> <p>Denise! ... People close to us are always the ones who hurt us the most by their words. Mums are supposed to protect us, aren't they? Thankfully my mum was and still is my best friend. I can't say that about my dad though :)</p> <p>Suz - For the last time .... No! *insert angry face* Your legs are not stumpy! All I see is a beautiful super stylish woman :)</p> <p>Hugs to you all.... And power be to us all </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383636 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 12:22:55 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 1383636@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>&nbsp;I followed the link&nbsp;after posting on Shedev's related thread.</p> <p>Adelfa, you do have lovely facial structure. &nbsp;Denise, you too have a lovely face to go with that figure. &nbsp;I have never seen the scars mentioned by Sveta, Emily, or Jenny. &nbsp;Suz and Janet have great legs to me too. &nbsp;:)</p> <p><span>How interesting that many of us have insecurities that relate to looks. &nbsp;My family was in a car accident when I was a young child. &nbsp;It was before seatbelts were mandatory and the impact caused my mother to be propelled through the windshield. &nbsp;The glass flew back into the car and hit both my sister and me in the face. &nbsp;My face was cut from temple to the corner of my mouth right through where bone didn't stop it. &nbsp;It must have been a nightmare for the hospital emergency room as my mother's jugular was cut and my father had severe internal injuries. &nbsp;Saving lives was a much higher priority than pretty that night. &nbsp;I don't scar well and ended up with a fairly thick lumpy&nbsp;red jagged scar on my cheek. &nbsp;The last attempt to repair it was when I was 12 and I decided not to bother again. &nbsp;I think it may have been better that I was very young as this was my norm. &nbsp;I got into the habit of telling people what happened soon after we met to save them the trouble of asking because I knew it was awkward but they were also curious. &nbsp;Interestingly, once people got to know me, they stopped noticing the scar and I realized that I rarely see it in the mirror any more either. &nbsp;</p> <p>Now that I think about it, perhaps I was more self-conscious about my total lack of athletic ability than the scar. &nbsp;:) &nbsp;Having said that, I can still remember very clearly sitting in a bathroom and crying after an insensitive teenage boy referred to me as scarface. &nbsp;*sigh* &nbsp;The problems of the young. &nbsp;</p> <p>I see looks and intelligence as characteristics we are born with and some are luckier than others. &nbsp;I also believe that to a great extent, we are both with a set personality. &nbsp;We do, however, have the ability to change the way we act, react, and control over how we treat others. &nbsp;To me, being "nice" is the most valued trait in others and if I tell a person he/she is truly nice and a joy to be around, that is a my highest&nbsp;compliment. &nbsp;My son is nice and generous and a good person. &nbsp;I am more proud of that than that he is also tall and very good looking and excels at math and science.</p> <p>Thank you all for sharing your stories. &nbsp;I feel I know you better and value that knowledge.</span> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383635 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 12:12:43 +0000 Suz 1383635@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your ponytail looks wonderful on you! It brings attention to those incredible eyes. <b>Wow.</b>&nbsp;</p> <p>And yay for trying a new class, too. Nothing like learning something new to shake us out of our preconceptions about ourselves!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383620 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 10:14:34 +0000 Style Fan 1383620@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Adelfa how happy you look with your pony and your dog.&nbsp; Sophie always makes me smile. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383605 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 06:48:47 +0000 Lyn D. 1383605@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your pony really does look Fab </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383602 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 06:06:00 +0000 Sal 1383602@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well done Adelfa. &nbsp;You do look great but more importantly I hope you feel great. &nbsp;</p> <p>My hair is too short at the moment for a pony but I LOVE the feeling when it is hot of being able to get my hair off my face and neck.</p> <p>Thanks for sharing, there are some very valuable insights in here. &nbsp;Laura - your comments were very interesting, thanks.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383600 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 06:00:21 +0000 Gigi 1383600@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Adelfa, you look GORGEOUS. And I'm not just saying that! Seriously, I can see why you were complimented. You look beautiful!</p> <p>Congratulations on your ballet class! I love the idea of taking ballet and hope to do so someday. :)&nbsp;It is such a victory when we are able to do things despite our self-consciousness.&nbsp;</p> <p>I have started ballroom dancing lessons, and I am dealing with some anxiety over my&nbsp;appearance. Everyone is very beautiful and well dressed, and it can be kind of intimidating. Thank goodness for YLF, because without this forum I would not have been able to develop a closet full of presentable outfits! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383596 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 05:45:40 +0000 Adelfa 1383596@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you to all of you for your wonderful, vulnerable, generous comments. I was much busier last night, today, and tonight than I expected to be, and I am so grateful that you responded to each other when I couldn't respond.</p> <p>When my friend put down her looks yesterday it helped crystallize for me a growing realization that a lot of good work I've done on self-acceptance has been unravelling the last few months. Time to work on it&nbsp;again, and the first step was confessing to you all that I want to hide.</p> <p>And a next step is posting a ponytail pic! I am NOT posting this to get compliments, but to be brave, along with all of you. (Bonus pic: Baby always makes me feel beautiful.)</p> <p>And a postscript--I took a ballet class today, which I've been wanting to do for 10 months, but didn't, out of self consciousness. I loved it so much! And I definitely felt pretty! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383585 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 04:19:50 +0000 Isabel 1383585@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No, it is not just you. &nbsp;People have been telling me for 30 years that I look good in tomato red. &nbsp;Yet when I see myself in it , I hate it. &nbsp;I think that it brings out the yellow undertones in my skin. &nbsp;And people have told me that I don't have yellow undertones. &nbsp;That I am closer to a neutral skin color. &nbsp;But I am CONVINCED I am yellow undertoned. LOL </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383583 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 04:16:34 +0000 Suz 1383583@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so moved by the stories here. Shedev, that must have been horrible to suffer a bite from the family dog! But how wonderful that love snuck in to remind you that you hadn't lost your beauty or worthiness.&nbsp;</p> <p>And E. -- I share Krishnidoux's admiration.&nbsp;</p> <p>To those whose mothers were critical -- it truly is difficult to overcome that pain. My mother and her sister (89 and 88, respectively) have never completely got over the damage done by being thought of as "the pretty one" and "the smart one." And never entirely escaped those prisons, even though both recognized the situation for what it was (eventually).&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383561 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 03:42:57 +0000 Jaime 1383561@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am extremely self-conscious about certain "flaws" and these are also what I notice about others (in the positive sense as in her skin is so lovely), but my thoughts went on a tangent so I started a different thread :-).&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383484 Sat, 25 Oct 2014 23:18:29 +0000 krishnidoux 1383484@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hugs to you, E! What growth you have done, all on you own! You have all &nbsp;my admiration. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383473 Sat, 25 Oct 2014 22:58:07 +0000 E 1383473@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Laura, are you thinking of <a rel="nofollow" href="http://dressaday.com/2006/10/20/you-dont-have-to-be-pretty/">this post </a>from A Dress a Day? I found it revelatory too &amp; I still repeat the 'prettiness is not rent you pay for occupying a space marked female' bit to myself often. :)</p> <p>I spent my adolescence hating my looks; there were days I felt I was so ugly I shouldn't go out and inflict myself on the world. *head shake* I think it started because my mom &amp; sister both have the classic, All American cheerleader type of look, with small, pert little features, while my features are much broader, including my snub nose (the subject of much loathing). And I developed acne as soon as puberty hit. And my thick, light blonde hair suddenly turned darker (to the charmingly named 'dishwater blonde')&nbsp;and started mysteriously falling out, becoming thin over the course of a few months (my mom thought I was going to end up bald).&nbsp;I also look a lot like my dad, and grew up being constantly told by everyone that I was his spitting image; this is not a kind thing to tell an insecure teenager really, as it meant that I felt I had a man's face. And then I was so thin-10 lbs less than I am now-I hadn't developed prominent curves, so I felt like a looked like a prepubescent boy. Ugh. It was a terrible time, and I generally feared that most people who saw me would think I was a man masquerading as a woman. Luckily, early in my college career I decided it was silly to spend that much energy hating things I couldn't change, so I started working on my self esteem; it took 2-3 years but eventually I retrained my default thoughts. Nowadays, if it's not something I'd say about my best friend, I don't think it about myself. Thinking about it, though, I think that fear is why I surprised the more 'romantic' style leanings I had for a long time; I was afraid they'd look ridiculous on my masculine-looking self. Thank goodness I've gotten over that.</p> <p>Which is not to say I don't still have my insecurities. My struggle with acne persisted until about a year ago, when my dermatologist sister had me try a medicine that's worked wonders. But my adult acne was the type that scarred, so I'm still dealing with those scars (which should fade in 2-3 years) and mild&nbsp;rosacea. Plus, I have quite large pores.&nbsp;My skin is definitely my biggest insecurity! It's actually why I got interested in my most flattering colours, to moderate its flaws. But I try to remind myself that most people who I'm talking with are looking at my eyes, not examining my skin.&nbsp;I admit that's much easier to remember now that I don't get acne regularly though. And there's no 'embrace your skin just the way it is' movement, like the body love movement.</p> <p>Anyway, I was so surprised to hear about everyone's insecurities, as I've seen you all in outfit photos and never even noticed what you're talking about! We really are our own worst critics. *hugs* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383455 Sat, 25 Oct 2014 22:19:15 +0000 Laura (rhubarbgirl) 1383455@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've always remembered a great post from Already Pretty from a few years ago, as it articulated a philosophy that I'd had but not been able to put into words. I can't find the link right now but basically she said that being pretty is not the rent that each of us owes to be female. We don't have to be pretty and we shouldn't feel like we owe it to anyone else or society at large to be pretty if we're not interested in it. And even if we are interested in what we can change, we shouldn't feel guilty that we don't look like genetic outliers.</p> <p>I've got an OK face - it doesn't scare small children or anything, but I don't look anything like a model and I never will. I'm all right with that because it doesn't reflect anything about my personality, my intelligence, or anything that's under my control. Beautiful people are beautiful because they won the genetic lottery, that's all. </p> <p>I have a maybe weird dislike for the whole "oh, everyone's pretty" idea because a) there is a societally accepted (if changeable over history) sense of objective beauty which does exist, based in biological imperatives, and some of us happen to be closer to it and some of us aren't, and b) boys/men aren't told that they're beautiful, as several of you have pointed out. It's a nonissue, so I think that it should be for women and girls as well. It's ok to be 'ugly' and you can still be a happy, kind, caring, and responsible person. </p> <p>One of the reasons I think I like clothes and dressing is that it's something that all of us can do. Granted, we each have figure type individualities and different heights and shapes, but we can all choose what we wear and shape it to how we want. We can't really change our own faces, at least without medical intervention. Makeup and cosmetics shift things a bit but not in so dramatic a fashion. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/pesky-self-consciousness/page/2#post-1383436 Sat, 25 Oct 2014 21:05:07 +0000 Lyn D. 1383436@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great read Adelfa!<br />I miss being able to wear a pony-tail- it can look elegant and certainly is cooler in the heat.<br />I have been self-conscious about my knees for ages- even whilst they were quite presentable!<br />Now that my elbows and neck have caught-up with them I have a choice. To continue to cover more and more of my body or to forget about certain parts and celebrate my ageing body as a whole.<br />My new aim is to dress well and be confident in that- thanks in a huge part to posts like yours and YLF </p>