https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 08 May 2026 09:12:40 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115781 Sat, 09 Jan 2010 03:38:15 +0000 medusa 115781@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, HUGS! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115773 Sat, 09 Jan 2010 03:10:24 +0000 Jean Gray 115773@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, that's so nice that you were able to speak with her. I'm sorry there is so much going on for you right now. Hope things smooth out soon. When the time comes for you to go back it will still be a special time and comforting to share time and memories with your family.<br /> My thoughts and prayers are with you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115736 Sat, 09 Jan 2010 01:14:48 +0000 Vani 115736@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, so glad you have been able to make a decision that you are at peace with.</p> <p>shiny has an excellent point. My brother used to setup skype conferences on his laptop at home. It really helps. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115723 Fri, 08 Jan 2010 23:47:48 +0000 shiny 115723@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, can you set up a Skype session with your grandma? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115684 Fri, 08 Jan 2010 22:30:55 +0000 Angie 115684@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, I'm so glad that you have reached a decision that makes sense in your heart AND in your head. Keep us posted and take care. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115633 Fri, 08 Jan 2010 20:42:36 +0000 RoseandJoan 115633@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sending hugs, love and homemade hot chocolate your way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115630 Fri, 08 Jan 2010 20:25:17 +0000 Ele 115630@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I want to thank EVERYONE who commented on this- if I could give you each a hug, I would! I feel so supported by all of you, as I knew I would be. YLF is such a great place :)</p> <p>Well, I'm not at home, and I'm not likely to get to go until the funeral. Unfortunately, things have developed and various circumstances (most of which are too confusing/OT to get into here) are making it impossible right now. Still, I feel strangely comforted by the fact that I had decided that I WANTED to go home, even if I didn't get to. I did speak to my Granny on the phone which was special, and my sister and I are getting daily updates from our Mum. I know that Granny is thinking about me too, because my Mum says she talks about us often when she is able. I will go home for the funeral and I'm going to focus on making that a meaningful experience for me. </p> <p>It feels strange to talk about those things while she's still alive, but I guess that is how the mourning process works in these cases. </p> <p>Thanks for all your support xo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115166 Thu, 07 Jan 2010 06:28:38 +0000 Sihaya 115166@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele - I wonder if there's a way to visit even with other relatives there and make it all add up as time so you can support each other too by being there at once. I had another random thought to add from my previous post. What if you wrote a letter to your grandmother that captured some key positive memories you have of her and the impact she has had on your life? You could read it out to her if she's in any shape to listen, you could read it out to other family members so they can share their own experiences, and it could be therepeutic for you to remember the times when she has been vibrant and a large presence in your life. Big hugs again. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115097 Thu, 07 Jan 2010 03:38:10 +0000 Jean Gray 115097@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, this is a tough time made tougher by having to make such a decision when your hurting so much. I'm sorry.<br /> I was wondering if you could call a hospice professional for some feedback as well? They are ofcourse very familiar with these situations and may be able to shed some fresh insight on some of the complications you are dealing with as far as all the people there and how your grandmother is faring.<br /> I think a couple of people have said it very well already but any memory you have of seeing your grandmother like this will certainly be outnumbered by the times you remember her healthy and you won't regret it. I was with my Mom when she died and while I do recall that time (it was special in it's own way) it is not foremost of all the wonderful memories I think of regularly.<br /> Whatever you decide focus on the lifetime of memories you have with her. This is an important time but it is not the sumtotal of your relationship with her.<br /> My heart goes out to you and hope everything can work out the best for you and your family and ofcourse your grandmother. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115049 Thu, 07 Jan 2010 02:41:00 +0000 medusa 115049@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, I'm so sorry to hear about your difficult situation! I also thought you should go, but then your parents seeming to change their minds makes it a tricky situation. Good luck with a difficult decision.</p> <p>I also wanted to echo Kristine and say that you should ask about "bereavement fares" from from the airline - they have lower-cost tickets available for last-minute trips for funerals and ill loved ones. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation/page/2#post-115044 Thu, 07 Jan 2010 02:23:26 +0000 yublocka 115044@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele I'm very late in reading this thread. I hope you're doing ok? Have you made a decision yet? Its tough either way. </p> <p>My grandfather died of cancer when I was 18. He lived 2 hours away and even though that was many years ago now, I still remember the last time we went up to visit him. I remember I was studying for my year 12 end of school final exams and being bratty about needing to study but I'm glad that my parents made all 3 of us kids pile into the back seat for the visit. It was extremely upsetting to see him so ill and I think that was a large part of why I didn't want to go. That being said he knew we were there and more than 10 years later I'm still glad I got a chance for that one last visit, even though I didn't know it'd be the last one at the time. </p> <p>My flatmate went back to Sri Lanka 3 weeks ago to visit family. Just 2 days ago she found out her 94 yo grandfather there passed away. It has brought her and especially her mum a lot of comfort to know they were there recently.</p> <p>Anyway I hope this doesn't sound preachy about forcing you to go. Hopefully you'll get a chance to go at a time that suits both you and the rest of the family. Trust your heart though, and look after yourself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-115032 Thu, 07 Jan 2010 01:41:31 +0000 Dawn 115032@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your troubles and to send you lots of hugs and support. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114968 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 21:40:20 +0000 Lena 114968@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, I'm so sorry. </p> <p>If you can, try to go. You've gotten such good advice from everyone, I don't have anything wise to add. I was in your shoes once: I couldn't go, and I wish I had.</p> <p>I'm keeping you in my thoughts. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114954 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 20:53:28 +0000 marianna 114954@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just wanted to send you more hugs and strength. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114940 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 20:07:56 +0000 Srujana 114940@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>(((((HUGS)))))</p> <p>Ele, I'm so sorry for what you're going through....I recently went through a similar situation and I would urge you to go see her, if at all possible. </p> <p>My work has been incredibly tight these past couple months, and we were told not to expect any vacation time at all for the holiday season but my grandfather has been in poor health for awhile and I took a spur of the moment weekend before thanksgiving to visit him. I hated seeing him so frail....I remember him as such a strong man, so full of vitality.. Two weeks later, I got a call saying that he had taken a turn for the worse, and I was preparing to book an immediate flight, but my parents told me not to go, that he'd be ok.....he passed away the next day. Work was understanding and allowed me to leave...i was able to get there in time for the funeral, but i wish i had gone the night before. </p> <p>I understand your fear of seeing her in her present condition, but no matter what the drugs do, she is forevermore your grandmother. I don't believe you should think of your relationship with her as any less than her relationship with her siblings or her children. My grandfather couldn't speak or move, but his eyes brightened when I walked into the room and spoke to him. I truly believe it would mean alot to your grandmother to see you....and having your family and loved ones around you will be a comfort. </p> <p>I hope I'm not bringing you down by sharing this. Workplaces usually have a period of time set aside for bereavement. Your potential employer shouldn't hold this against you, perhaps you could explain the situation? I think you should look inside yourself...people handle these situations and grief in their own ways. But I wish you the best, and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114926 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:12:06 +0000 Debora 114926@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Sending you hugs and hope that you are able to come to a decision based on what feels right for you. You've gotten wonderful advice from the ladies and I can't really add much more except that you might want to think about what your grandmother would want you to do. If you think she would want you there, then by all means go if it is possible. If you think that she might not want you to make that long trip, then that's something to consider also. You are in my thoughts and prayers. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114924 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:03:52 +0000 Mamapicklejuice 114924@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Ele - how heartbreaking...I hope you find peace...perhaps you can speak on the phone with your grandmother - even if she can't respond, she will hear your voice. You can remind her of happy times you shared with her. Thinking of you... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114923 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:53:22 +0000 Laura 114923@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, I hope you can find the right answer. (((HUGS))) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114897 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 17:28:28 +0000 Vani 114897@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My heart goes out to you Ele. Please make the decision that you know will give you peace - it is yours alone to make. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114884 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:54:04 +0000 Christie 114884@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I didn't travel to see one grandfather with cancer before he died but attended his funeral, and did see a grandmother before she died (and didn't attend the funeral). I think its far better to visit your living relative while you can. Its hard, but its good too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114882 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:50:06 +0000 stylemama 114882@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I had to make a similar decision a few years ago. I was very pregnant, busy working and planning a b-day party for my 3 year-old. I planned to see my grandmother at the end of the month (after the party and the big work projects, etc). I had plenty of reasons to put off my visit, but my sister-in-law's simple words - Go now. You have no idea how much time is left. - put me in the car that weekend with my son and best friend in tow. Grandma died a week after my visit - long before I had planned to see her. She was frail, bedridden and completely different than the grandma I knew before, but I'm so glad I went to see her. I still remember her from before she got sick, as well as from that last visit. And I'm okay with that contrast.</p> <p>I wonder if your parents might need you there too for support. I know my mom did. Wishing you peace with your decision -whatever you choose. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114870 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:11:49 +0000 kimlee 114870@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele - My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time. I hope that things work out so that you can go to see your grandmother. We are all here if you need us. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114868 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:04:38 +0000 Debbie 114868@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Please know that I'm thinking about you. I know this is tough but listen to your heart it will tell you what to do. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114866 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:54:06 +0000 Louise 114866@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Do your parents know about the job possibilty? Could they perhaps try to get another family member to go another time to enable you to go now? I understand if you've just started a new job it may be more difficult to take time off x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114865 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:47:49 +0000 RoseandJoan 114865@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My heart goes out to you Ele. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114864 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:44:30 +0000 Ele 114864@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you all SO much for your input, I knew I'd get some well-considered answers here. </p> <p>Unfortunately, it seems to be working against me right now. I had decided, based on the feedback here and my own gut instinct, to go home, and found a flight leaving tomorrow and returning on Sunday night. But I wanted to talk to my parents before booking it. I spoke to them about an hour ago, and now they seem to be backpedaling- telling me I should wait! Apparently there will be a lot of people there this weekend since other family members are flying in. On top of that, my grandmother's medication has just been changed, and they aren't yet sure how she's going to react to it- it could be a "bad" weekend for her. </p> <p>On one hand, I understand. One of the people flying in is my aunt from BC, and I wouldn't want to take away visiting time from her. It's my grandmother, but it's her Mum, after all. With 6 children, 15 grandchildren and something like 12 great-grandchildren, there are a lot of people who want to visit! It must be overwhelming at times. But on the other hand I'm frustrated with my parents- this was their idea, after all! Plus, by this time next week I might have a job (if all goes well- my shift on Tuesday is a trial one), and then it will become so much more difficult to find the time to go. </p> <p>I suppose all your stories have me worried now. I might not get to see her again, and I don't want to carry that regret. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114863 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:35:11 +0000 Vani 114863@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, So sorry. Big ((hugs)) to you from me. Grandmothers are precious.</p> <p>As you know, my grandmother fell horribly sick suddenly early last summer and took a turn for the worse. Although she has always lived with my aunt, my mother thought dad and she could take better care of her. This decision was god sent because this way I was able to talk to her or my mother every single day. Even so, I couldn't help wishing every minute that I was there by her side. The moment my father called to say that the doctors had finally declared it a matter of time, I knew I just had to drop everything and go see her. It was expensive and inconvenient (we had a trip to New Orleans all planned out and booked for the weekend I ended up being in India), but I was extremely glad I was able to go. She passed away 3 weeks after I returned.</p> <p>I understand your fear of upsetting her, your family or yourself; and that you may not want your last memories of her all frail and sick. But trust me when I tell you that even in her sickness she will have moments of lucidity and will be so happy to see you. She may not be able to comprehend why you are there, but grandmas are just happy to see you regardless, aren't they? Please go to her. It will mean a lot to you to know that you were able to kid around with her, hold her and hug her one last time. In time, you will not remember her sickness so much as all the other good moments. I know I would have carried a hole in my heart forever if I had not been able to see her before she was gone.</p> <p>Sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, but please know that I completely empathize with the situation you are in. ((HUGS)) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114860 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:26:54 +0000 Michelle 114860@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ele, first of all let me send you virtual hugs and say how sorry I am that you have to go through this. *hugs*<br /> I don't have direct experience, but I have an anecdote to relate from Corey's family that may help. Corey's mom was sick with cancer for quite some time, and his sister found this fact quite difficult to deal with. She avoided making visits to the family home because she simply didn't know how to face the reality of her mom's decline. She loved her mother very much, but just couldn't face up to the situation. Their mom's eventual death touched off a lot of guilt for Corey's sister...guilt that it's taken years to come to terms with. I also know from Corey's stories that their mom was hurt when his sister wouldn't visit. </p> <p>My advice should be taken with a grain of salt, since I'm not that familiar with your emotional makeup, but based on the example above I would recommend that you come back for the weekend. I suspect the regrets you may experience if you don't go would last longer than the sadness and shock you would suffer if you do. On top of that, I imagine the effort of flying across the Atlantic to say goodbye would mean a great deal to your grandmother, no matter how lucid she is.</p> <p>Best of luck with this incredibly difficult decision. If you ever want to talk off forum, please get in touch. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114857 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:20:34 +0000 Angie 114857@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>BIG HUG. This is awful and I'm sorry, Ele. </p> <p>I think that your parents pull rank on this one. If they suggest that you come home and visit - you should do that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-would-you-do-in-this-situation#post-114854 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:12:20 +0000 Debbie 114854@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If at all possible please go. You need your family at a time like this and they need you. </p>