https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 08 May 2026 18:13:04 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped/page/2#post-106643 Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:59:49 +0000 Sihaya 106643@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam - huge hug from me. I haven't read everyone's comments but can empathize. Been there. It was heartbreaking. A few things to think about: </p> <p>- Invest in your girlfriends and build a support system if you don't have one already<br /> - Find a hobby (bike riding? yoga?) and spend time after work doing that to distract yourself and to find your own interests<br /> - Go to a movie/out to eat by yourself and rediscover the joy of your own company<br /> - Get some form of exercise everyday - literally to work him out of your system<br /> - Journal<br /> - Sometimes this can feel like going cold turkey from an addiction because of the hormones/chemicals that fire when we're in an intimate relationship with someone. It's not uncommon to obsess about them, try to track their whereabouts, want to call them just to hear their voice on voice mail, read and re-read emails or say details of their betrayal, etc. etc. Whenever this happens (if this happens to you), make note that you are thinking of him. Allow yourself a minute to dwell on him. Then make yourself stop and DO something else.<br /> - Have a couple of folks who you can call anytime you feel like calling him. I am happy to be one of those people if you'd like. Just send me a private message and I'll send you my number.</p> <p>More hugs and hang in there. In the long run, hopefully you'll be better off. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped/page/2#post-106617 Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:35:19 +0000 Ana 106617@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So much great advice from the ladies above, I'm not sure I can really add anything. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, big hug from me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped/page/2#post-106058 Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:23:31 +0000 Kathleen 106058@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, </p> <p>I am sorry to hear of your break-up. Having been through a very similar situation, I understand exactly what you are going through. Keep busy, surround yourself with friends and family and furry friends (especailly those!), and remember that time will heal you and that the Goddess gives us nothing that we are not able to handle - everything in life is a lesson though you may not see it now, this may be the blessing that you need to further yourself. </p> <p>Love,<br /> Kathleen </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped/page/2#post-106037 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:17:55 +0000 Maya 106037@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, FWIW, I would gladly take your former bf's place if a) I were a man, or b) both of us were gay. </p> <p>If I were you, I would find that very comforting! :p </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped/page/2#post-106032 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:47:46 +0000 Anonymous 106032@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Tam, Tam, Tam. What in the hell is wrong with some men. Doesn't he see what a catch you are, and you are way too good for most men anyway???? I know, I am the cynical one in the group. Your beauty, your brains? How could he? Gimme a fryin pan!!!<br /> Same goes for you Tanya, but I have already told you as much.<br /> Rute, you've got it. I love your attitude. You are one of the lucky ones, but I'm sure it took time to get to the point of knowing it was his loss. I also have suffered the heartache and it just takes time, and the more you loved, the more time it takes. I am so sorry for both of you very valuable women at this time of heartache. I do believe there will be a time when you know you have actually bloomed because of what this b*****d did to you.<br /> Don't get me started! HaHa! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped/page/2#post-106028 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:22:18 +0000 Inge 106028@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oooooh Tam-(((( I am so sorry to hear this. I've been there too yes, and recognize everything you are saying. I hate the fact that you and Tanya have to go through this too now, and I wish I could just fly to Australia now (and bring all the other sweet YLF lasses as well) and be there for you in person.</p> <p>Please be very kind to yourself right now, don't force anything. There is no right or wrong way of dealing with this, only your way. Don't rush anything, you were together for 11 years, you don't get over that in a few weeks.<br /> And take your time with digesting everything we have written here too. There's lots of good advice and support and more where that came from, whenever you're ready.</p> <p>And I agree with Medusa, having gone out for a bit is a HUGE thing right now. Big hug!!<br /> And you're right, don't think too far ahead, take it hour by hour or minute by minute if need be. It's all good.<br /> And please cry as much as you want/need. I know you are sick of that by now, but it does help;-)</p> <p>Hang in there Tam, and visit YLF anytime you want.</p> <p>HUG!</p> <p>Inge<br /> xxx </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-106013 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:05:41 +0000 medusa 106013@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, GREAT JOB on going for a walk! That's huge...I hope you realize that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105999 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:43:03 +0000 Patience 105999@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>BIG BIG hugs, Tam! I am so sorry and completely empathize having gone through a similar trial myself. I full-heartedly agree with Angie and Medusa that your top priority is to lean on your network of support-- friends and family and to take extra special care of yourself. We are here for you! </p> <p>Tanya, ditto for you and LOTS of hugs. If you need anything, just let me know. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105992 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:44:22 +0000 Dawn 105992@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh no Tam, I'm so sorry to hear this! I don't have any specific advice for you as I'm still in my first serious relationship but I do want to tell you that you are truly a wonderful, kind-hearted, beautiful and intelligent woman. Take care of yourself! *hugs*</p> <p>Also *hugs* to Tanya as well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105987 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:31:07 +0000 shiny 105987@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Tam, I'm so sorry to hear this. I had wondered where you had gone off to since your trip. </p> <p>You've already gotten a ton of great advice. I agree it is a grieving process and that you will be on an emotional rollercoaster for awhile. Follow your emotions wherever they lead. Some days you may feel like getting out there and being with others, and other days you may just want to hole up and cry. That's okay. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to get through this. </p> <p>I will share one bit of insight you haven't rec'd yet. This always helped me, but I may just be weird and overly analytical about such things. I have read that breaking up is a lot like breaking an addiction. When we are in a relationship, there are bio-chemicals at work that bond us to the person. When the relationship ends, we *literally* go through withdrawal without the daily dose of these bonding chemicals!!! So it is normal to feel actual physical pain, not just emotional pain. Insomnia, bodily aches and pains, depression, etc, etc.... and this withdrawal just needs to naturally run its course. Which it will. Yes, time really does heel all wounds. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105982 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:36:45 +0000 Debbie 105982@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry. I agree with the other though. Set a small goal for youself everyday.<br /> Take a walk. Make dinner. Meet a freind. One day at a time. One small step at a time. Lots of hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105980 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:32:23 +0000 Laura 105980@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, I am so sorry to hear how you are suffering. Emotional pain is absolutely the worst kind of pain. I would suffer physical pain over emotional pain any day. Lean on people now and don't be afraid to ask for help. When you feel a tiny bit better, start thinking of yourself and what YOU want to do. Take the focus off of him and put it back on yourself, where it belongs. Big hugs ... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105976 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:19:38 +0000 Angie 105976@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Medusa, you are one wise cookie.</p> <p>Rute, you have been through a lot. Good grief! What a story book ending you are living now! Bless you. Tam, there is a silver lining in all of this. We’ll help you find it. </p> <p>Tam, please get in touch with Tanya. You need each other more than you know. Also, getting out for a walk today was a fabulous achievement. Well done! You need a small goal each day, to keep you in the land of the living. Your goal can be to do laundry! We can help you set these daily goals if you like? Are you taking time off work? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105970 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:06:00 +0000 Vani 105970@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Dearest Tam, gazillions of bear hugs coming your way ((squeeze))<br /> Everybody here has given such great advice. My first (and only) marathon came about by way of a bad ending of what was in retrospect, a bad relationship.</p> <p>Give yourself time to heal and do not beat yourself up for feeling vulnerable and lost. Medusa has said it so well, about the end of a long relationship. Grieve for it, mourn it but most of all remember to applaud yourself for all that you gave to it. You are a strong, intelligent, beautiful and oh so stylish woman and life has so much more to offer. Some relationships last and some run their course and you always come out a winner, because you were true and steadfast through all of them. I am rambling here, but the most important thing I wanted to say is that we all love you and will walk with every step of the way through all the sadness and despair. And when you've made it out of the tunnel we will break out the champagne and toast to the fabulous and very special you </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105966 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:44:51 +0000 Anonymous 105966@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam (and Tanya), more hugs coming your way. I'm sorry for your pain right now. You are cherished here. We know you as beautiful, intelligent and talented women. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105965 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:13:47 +0000 Kari 105965@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, I am so very sorry that this happened to you. It just makes me ache to think of it. I've also been there, and discovering how many lies I had fallen for from someone I had trusted really hurt. Unfortunately, I didn't deal with it in in a way that was as healthy as what you are doing. Please keep reaching out to your network and just take things one step at a time. Setting a goal of doing one small thing like getting out of the house for half an hour or so is a great start. I also believe you *should* allow yourself to sit and cry sometimes. Losing an important relationship is a big enough thing that I think you can't help but just let yourself feel hurt, especially at first, before you can move forward. Big, big hugs to you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105961 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:59:34 +0000 RoseandJoan 105961@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam,</p> <p>I'm at work at the moment so don't have much time to comment, I just want to echo that's it's okay to be self indulgent at this time, its a part of the process. You made if for a walk today, that's progress.</p> <p>Take Tanya up on her very kind offer.</p> <p>Hugs to you and I will be back later to comment. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105959 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:54:30 +0000 yublocka 105959@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ladies reading your words has helped more than you'll know. Thank you. I haven't made it all the way through without crying yet, but I'll try again tomorrow to re-read everyones words and look at specific bits of advice. For now just about everything is overwhelming. I made it out of the house today for a walk, thats the most I've done in over a week. Tomorrow, well who knows. I need to stop sitting around crying that's for sure. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105957 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:58:02 +0000 Mac 105957@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Huge hugs to you, dear fellow-YLFer. I went through something similar and I'll tell you a few things that helped me and may, or may not!, help you get through this tough time.<br /> 1. Exercise. I'm not a runner but I went on days I could make time, I went on a long, brisk walk while listening to upbeat music and on those days I found my mood greatly improved. Apparently, cardio has been shown to have as much of an anti-depressant quality as prozac. A pleasant side benefit was that i shed a few pounds and tightened up, which helped me with my self-esteem after this particularly hurtful incident.<br /> 2. I let myself feel sad... sometimes. It can be hard not to wallow in misery 24/7 and that's totally natural. But I tried to schedule an hour or so each day when I would let myself think about it, feel blue, sob, listen to sad music, look at photos of the two of us, etc. Then, the rest of the day, I forced myself to not dwell on the sadness. I could focus better on trying to be positive and getting on with my life if I knew that each night I'd be allowed to have a bit of an emotional release/ self-pity party.<br /> 3. Tightened up my schedule. I'm the type of person who loves to have lots of free time to just lie around, relax in the garden, lounge by the fire. But for the first few months post-split, I found that lots of unstructured time alone made me feel low. So, I went to yoga classes, met up with friends, took a wine appreciation course, got a contractor in to fix a few things that had been bothering me in my house, cleaned out my closet. Healing takes time and anything I could do to make that time pass more quickly helped.</p> <p>I don't know if any of these things will prove useful to you, but no matter what, I know you'll get through this difficult time and out the other side stronger and wiser than ever. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105951 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 09:18:10 +0000 rute 105951@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>oh.. I'm sorry! The same happened to me with my first marriage, I had just returned from the maternity with my newborn baby and he told me he didn't loved me any more. I just tought... why didn't he told me that nine months before?<br /> I just tought, I'm beutiful, strong, independent, perfectly capable of taking care of me and my child... his loss!<br /> Make a makover: hair, manicure, pedicure, pimper yourself for a whole day and go on with your life, just remeber that there are better things waiting for you!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105949 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 09:10:52 +0000 Louise 105949@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>More hugs coming your way. Hopefully you've got plenty of family and friends around to support you.<br /> Take your time to grieve and cry i'm a great believer in the healing properties of tears. Take care of yourself try to keep eating properly and get plenty of sleep and if you feel like a sunday under the duvet with chocolate and weepy movies go ahead, just make sure it's not every Sunday! x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105944 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 06:00:57 +0000 sinead 105944@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, I'm also sending you hugs. </p> <p>I think breaking up after a long relationship is like when you've been out on a boat for a long time... do you know that feeling when you get back on shore and your legs sort of wobble and you don't have your balance? You have to find your "land legs". After a big breakup you have to find your balance again- and you will. I agree with Medusa that your yoga and biking- any kind of bodywork- will really, really help.<br /> You wrote about trying to figure out a life plan now that things had changed- but what if you wait on that? Maybe now it would be enough to regain your balance and be as kind and gentle and good to yourself as possible. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105943 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 05:58:39 +0000 Laura 105943@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It is amazing how things change, isn't it?! I hope your transition goes as smoothly as possible. I imagine you're in for a rollercoaster of emotions and I hope you don't for a second feel bad about it. </p> <p>oh, and I second the advice about pampering. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105918 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:13:05 +0000 medusa 105918@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, I'm back for more. My comments may be totally useless to you, but on the off chance they are helpful, here you go:</p> <p>I just looked at your website and saw that you recently got a bike and went to a yoga class. So you have great exercise options that could be really helpful. I've found that yoga and meditation can be an enormous aid during painful times.</p> <p>It might help to think about ways to indulge yourself. Would you like to go get a massage? Get a mini-makeover? Take an afternoon to just lie around and watch TV? Anything that lets you pamper yourself could be good.</p> <p>Sometimes it can help to just throw yourself into work and not think about it. If you want to do that, that's fine too.</p> <p>One other thing to think about: our culture tends to put a huge emphasis on how long relationships last, but a relationship doesn't have to last forever to be good. There's such a romanticized picture of finding your soul mate and riding off into the sunset together...so then people can feel like failures when a relationship ends. You think oh, I must have done something wrong. But even if a relationship doesn't last a lifetime, you can still get a huge amount out of it. Did you learn from your relationship? Did you grow because of it? I bet you did, and therefore it was a successful relationship. And you'll continue to have wonderful relationships in the future - with work colleagues and friends as well as with romantic partners - that will reward you as a person, help you learn things, and help you grow even if they aren't life long.</p> <p>Like Angie says, we're here for you. Let us know how to help. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105917 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:03:12 +0000 greenglove 105917@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam,<br /> I am so sorry to hear of your break up. Please take good care of yourself and do all that you can to slow down and get the rest and support that you need. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105911 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:44:59 +0000 Angie 105911@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, Tam, Tam. (((((HUGS))))). (Tanya, you know I always send you hugs too). </p> <p>Dear sweet and fabulous Tam, I am so sorry to hear of this excruciating news. I have been trying to support a friend who went through a very painful breakup recently because at the end of the day – that’s what you need in your life. You need physical and mental support from those who love you while you grieve and try to make sense of it all. And I am sure that there are plenty of people in the world who love you to bits. We do and we haven’t even met you! </p> <p>It might seem hopeless now, but you will get through this and we are always here for you. Crying is good. It relieves stress. Is there any way you can spend time with a friend or family member right now? </p> <p>YLF can check in on you daily if you feel that will help. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105908 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:15:38 +0000 medusa 105908@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, I am SO sorry to hear about this. It's a very upsetting, painful thing when a serious relationship ends. Hugs hugs hugs to you.</p> <p>I just want to comment (at the risk of stating the obvious) that there is a grieving process everyone goes through with a loss like this...and it's ok to feel grief, to be upset, to feel sad, to cry, to have bad days. Don't feel like you have to be over it right away. Sometimes it can help to give yourself permission to grieve.</p> <p>Other things that can help:<br /> - fun distractions (but it's ok if you don't enjoy them as much as you normally would)<br /> - spending time with friends<br /> - talking to a counselor or psychologist<br /> - focusing on taking care of yourself: get enough sleep, eat healthfully, get exercise</p> <p>I need to run, but more later... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105905 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:11:19 +0000 Debora 105905@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I know this must be so difficult for you. Please know that we are here for you and sending you lots of love and support. Take care of yourself, spend time with your family and friends, and stay strong. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105899 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:00:33 +0000 April 105899@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam - so difficult. I hope you're doing okay, being good to yourself, and not trying to take on any (other) Big Issues right now. There are times when it's right to indulge yourself, and this is one of them. Whatever you can do to lighten your spirits, no matter how un-serious, trivial and fluffy -- do that. And we're here if you want to distract yourself on the forum... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-what-to-do-when-youve-been-dumped#post-105896 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:54:01 +0000 Michelle 105896@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tam, I'm so terribly sorry. I absolutely do empathize. The relationship in question didn't last 11 years, but was still highly significant and utterly devastating when it ended. I'm also in the process of reevaluating my current situation of six years for very complex reasons. All I know is that it does, eventually get easier. Time is a healer, cliched as that sounds.<br /> If you ever want to talk, please private message me any time at all. Enormous Canuk hugs to you.</p> <p>And to you as well, Tanya...I'm so sorry for your struggles too. </p>