https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 06 May 2026 18:13:30 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159907 Sat, 22 May 2010 02:06:05 +0000 Debora 159907@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Khris, I allow my 15 year old son (16 in August) to date but only in group settings. What has worked well for us is to have his girlfriend and a group of his friends over to the house for pizza, board games, and movies. They especially love playing Apples to Apples for some reason. We chaperone and provide the soft drinks and pizza. It's always a fun time. He's also gone bowling on group dates. He did take a girl to Homecoming this year, but they went with a group, and the parents drove them and picked them up afterward. I know you said earlier that your son is homeschooled. Does he have any other homeschooled friends who could join in the group activities? </p> <p>I think it's especially important to keep open the lines of communication with your son. It's obvious that he confides in you and that is great! I think you are doing a wonderful job, and please feel free to PM me if you want to discuss this in greater detail. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159805 Fri, 21 May 2010 23:08:23 +0000 AJ 159805@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Are you a board game playing family? You could have a game night and let your daughter invite a friend as well and just enjoy an evening in. Then this gal can see your family dynamics and get a sense of the behaviors and family respect that you all have for one another. It's more low key than a sit down dinner because the emphasis will be on the game and she won't feel like she's being drilled about herself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159781 Fri, 21 May 2010 22:13:08 +0000 Isabel 159781@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Chewy, you sound like you have a good game plan.</p> <p>You don't have to have a family event already scheduled, so do one anyway. Have a "matinee" at your house with popcorn. Or have the girl over for lunch with the family. Since her parents have boundary issues, I would also talk to her woman to girl and let her know what you expect of her.</p> <p>Keep us posted !!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159618 Fri, 21 May 2010 18:52:33 +0000 chewyspaghetti 159618@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If one of his friends were to invite him somewhere without adult supervision- a movie, the mall, etc. I would say no- absolutely not. He's not ready for that. I certainly can't make an exception because it's a girl. Being homeschooled, he is literally with me all the time. He's learning to handle himself in public, but he's still not there yet.<br /> We don't have any family events or outings that we could bring her along on, and I really feel like inviting her over to the house expresses a degree of comfort with a relationship that we don't have. He can see her once a week at the park just like his other friends. I guess I've figured out my boundaries for now, anyway. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159616 Fri, 21 May 2010 18:28:52 +0000 malcontent 159616@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Chewyspaghetti, I think group dating and clear discussion of boundaries are the best tactics for now. Fourteen is still very young. It sounds like you have a good handle on this. My son has an ASD as well, though he is only kindergarten-aged. However, I do worry about what the teenaged years will bring. He's already had girls at school fall "in love" with him because he is a handsome little thing, but his social skills are still nascent in comparison to his peers. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159605 Fri, 21 May 2010 17:33:32 +0000 Louise 159605@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My best mate had the same angst as you 2 months ago and in the end the 'relationship' lasted 2 weeks!!<br /> On a practical note I wouldn't forbid him dating as he may rebel and do it anyway, I'd agree a curfew time with him, ask to meet the girl in question. I love Aj's idea of inviting her to family do's to hang out, I also think most teens do the whole dating thing while socialising with their friends not much 1 on 1 or they will just hang out at each others houses ((hugs)) x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159601 Fri, 21 May 2010 17:24:04 +0000 Anonymous 159601@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>All I can say is, I feel your pain. I obviously was 14 at one time, and I don't know why but my parents seemed to think I had temporary insanity! HaHa!<br /> I had a 14 yrl old son and daughter at one time and I thought they had temporary insanity.<br /> Now my poor daughter is dealing with dating issues with her 14 yr old daughter and her and her hubby are not thrilled with it. They do not allow the 2 kids to go out alone, well ofcourse they aren't driving anyway, but no staying for hours in a room together and that sort of thing. They try to encourage their daughter to keep spending some time with her girl friends and not just her boyfriend all the time. It's a good thing she has been involved as a soccer player all her childhood to give her that to focus on.<br /> It is trying times and I'm sure you will make good decisions. You're the type to make good decisions and be understanding of the changes the kids are going through at that age.<br /> When their all grown up you can write a book on, "Teen Years"! There will be plenty to write. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159597 Fri, 21 May 2010 17:16:12 +0000 Angie 159597@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh glory, Khris. Never a dull moment! I have nothing constructive to add but I'm sure you'll set the right boundaries. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159579 Fri, 21 May 2010 16:36:30 +0000 Rosie 159579@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Khris - what a situation. No wonder you are extra-concerned! If your son is open to it, it seems like allowing them to hang out at your house might be a good idea because it will give you and your husband a chance to get to know the girl a bit. </p> <p>I really don't have much advice, just sending positive thoughts. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159525 Fri, 21 May 2010 15:03:43 +0000 chewyspaghetti 159525@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks so much for all of the input from everyone (and the books Rosie).<br /> We had a talk with ds last night, and he seemed ok with it- but he's clearly obsessed right now (as only an ASD person can be). I really wish that the first girl that responded to him had been someone else. I have concerns with this particular girl because her mother is mentally ill, and she has had a rough upbringing- particularly the last few years. Her parents went through a nasty divorce, and according to the mom the dad basically kidnapped the girl and her sister and took them out of state to live with him. They have just come back to their mom in the last couple of months, but their living situation seems unstable. She didn't even have a phone number to give him. My son has been so desperate for a girlfriend that any girl would do. I know this girl does not have good boundaries or restraint (from her own mother), so we are going to have to pay very close attention.<br /> We told our son that he could be friends- talk on the phone, email (which she doesn't have access to- I forgot the mom told me that), and see each other at the park, or in a group. We also told him that he is too young to be in a serious relationship and that PDA's will not be tolerated (although I honestly expect him to sneak them in here and there- he's already kissed her). His friends have had some *ahem* interesting advice for him. At this point I am just going to see how it progresses, and talk to the mom the next time I see her. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159440 Fri, 21 May 2010 12:04:51 +0000 Isabel 159440@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Chewy, what a nerve wracking time. I have two little ones, so no actual experience BUT I just heard a whole program on NPR with three phsychologists about this. One of the doctor's said that kids don't "date" anymore - that is our term. They "hang out" or "hook up" . There is very little one on one because they are so social. So AJ's idea is really right on the mark. This woman said that teens don't "date" anymore in the traditional sense.</p> <p>And because he is so young ( spectrum or not ), I agree with doing things with the family or in your home while there is a parent around - they shouldn't have one on one. That way he slowly eases into the social aspect of it and you ( or another adult ) can quietly coach him on the niceties of being with a girl ( again, spectrum or not, most children need this at this age. ) My personal opinion is that this should be more about age that his disability. But like this doctor said, even 12 year olds are "hooking" up whether we like it or not, the challenge is to direct it. ( Now that's helpful - right ? : ) ( My 8 year old is also on the spectrum) If my "advice" doesn't work on your son, then I have to switch my game plan ; )</p> <p>Let us know how you all do with this !!!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159430 Fri, 21 May 2010 10:38:54 +0000 shiny 159430@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My oldest was about 14 or 15 when she went on her first date. The boy (who could not drive) came to the house, and they walked down the street to a cafe to have cake. I remember it was raining and they shared an umbrella. He paid. They returned to the house and hung out in the living room, while we all kept out of their hair. </p> <p>The rules early on were pretty simple: she could either go on a group date, where we were doing the driving (such as a movie) or the young gentleman caller could come to our house to hang out. This is so I could keep an eye on them. Be prepared for your son's date to feel more comfortable if he goes to her house, rather than to your own. Parents of daughters are much more protective. :-)</p> <p>At 17 she has yet to be on a car date but around here kids get their licenses late, since we have lots of public transportation options. She is now able to go on dates that involve the bus, subway, etc. And we've loosened up about visiting her boyfriend's house - it's okay as long as his parents are home and we've confirmed that. She has a 9:00 curfew on school nights and 11:00 on weekends. </p> <p>Youngest daughter is nearly 16 now, and has never gone on a date. She is interested in boys, but just not interested in dating any of them just yet. They kinda scare her, I guess! </p> <p>Best advice I can give you is to recognize that kids develop at different rates, and some kids are, indeed, ready to date at 14 (my oldest) whereas others are later bloomers (my youngest). If your son is showing a genuine interest and you are sure it's not the influence of peers, he's ready, and he'll be fine. </p> <p>I had my first boyfriend and "date" (not involving a car) at 13. By 15, I was going on car dates already. But, my parents knew the boy very well, because he was my brother's best friend. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159422 Fri, 21 May 2010 07:02:13 +0000 Katiepea 159422@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>&lt;"lah, lah, lah! That's Katie singing, being in denial that this is all ahead of her!&gt;</p> <p>The only thing I can recall from when I was teaching was observing a lot of the teens 13 - 15 going on group type dates to places like the movies or bowling or even rock climbing. Scenario would be something like mum drops off at movie theatre and collects kids about ten minutes after movie finished. </p> <p>I'm not too sure about whether it is possible or not, but could you have a reasonably 'open' conversation with him about this issue and brainstorm a few ideas to work out what would be an ok solution for both of you?</p> <p>Yep, just read that above statement......I can see I really am absolutely no help whatsoever - sorry! </p> <p>What I do know however is that YOU are his mother and YOU know him best. As such, I am absolutely sure you will make the right decision, because you have his best interests at heart.</p> <p>And you know what - even if you make a decision and later, in retrospect it turns out you could have "done it in a better way" - well that's life! It's good for your kids to learn that you are human too, and trying to work it out just as much as they are. </p> <p>Good luck with this! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159395 Fri, 21 May 2010 04:01:27 +0000 taylor 159395@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ha, Joy, spent alot of nights doing that as they flew out the door in cars...on dates...jeez 2 teens at a time here. Kim is our resident current expert i would assume now!!</p> <p>2 words for you till they are 18 ~Group Dates ~ </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159391 Fri, 21 May 2010 03:48:38 +0000 Anonymous 159391@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Having been through this my best advice is prayer...lots of prayer. Hugs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159362 Fri, 21 May 2010 02:58:13 +0000 Carole 159362@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We have navigated this stage, and I must say we were probably lucky, but our kids only did group type activities with friends pretty much all the way through high school. A few of their acquaintences had the more typical boyfriend/girlfriend type relationships, but their group of friends did everything together, movies, going for pizza, dances etc. Different parents would drive, pickup etc. so you really could keep tabs on things and be involved. Our kids were involved in sports almost year round and participated in several clubs as well, we kept them so busy there wasn't alot of time for "dating". My son did date as a senior, but the girl was so much more mature and aggressive, it was kind of scary! My son just graduated from college and has been dating a wonderful young lady for almost 2 years now.Our daughter is a junior in college, focused on school and her friendships. This strategy may not work for everyone, but we wouldn't change a thing! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159354 Fri, 21 May 2010 02:40:59 +0000 Rosie 159354@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like AJ's idea. I also wanted to say how lovely it is that your son has met a lovely girl. I'm sure sooner than you're ready, but it's wonderful. She sounds like a terrific girl who will have good boundaries of her own. Again, I don't have kids, but agree with what everyone has said. I was a pretty good kid and didn't break many rules, but part of that probably was a result of my parents trusting me. They certainly had rules when I was dating but they were also lenient about some things because I was a good kid. </p> <p>I have no idea where your son is on the spectrum and I don't know if these books would be helpful at all, but they might address some of the issues even if they are written for the teen:<br /> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Autistics-Guide-Dating-Book-Those/dp/184310881X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&#038;s=books&#038;qid=1274409500&#038;sr=8-3" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Autistic.....038;sr=8-3</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Autism-Aspergers-Sexuality-Puberty-Beyond/dp/1885477880/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&#038;s=books&#038;qid=1274409500&#038;sr=8-4" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Autism-A.....038;sr=8-4</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Dating-Teenagers-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1934575534/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&#038;s=books&#038;qid=1274409500&#038;sr=8-9" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Da.....038;sr=8-9</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159351 Fri, 21 May 2010 02:37:23 +0000 sinead 159351@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Khris, I didn't realize we share this issue. My son is 19 and the teen years have definitely been the hardest. It's wonderful that your son has found a girl- that is going to help him so much, no matter how the relationship works out, to just have had a girlfriend. When my son is frustrated by the whole girl issue, he reminds himself (or I do) that there have been girls that liked him and he'll find another one. </p> <p> I encouraged my son to talk to me about everything- and told him he could ask me any question and I'd keep the reaction calm and help if I could. The end result is that he does talk to me about everything and I pretend to be calm. (I am a very good actress.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159299 Fri, 21 May 2010 01:13:08 +0000 AJ 159299@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>How about for now, inviting her to family activities. Gives them a chance to spend time together and you and your husband will get to know her better as well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159298 Fri, 21 May 2010 01:07:19 +0000 chewyspaghetti 159298@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We've always told ds that 'dating' meant that he would pick a girl up (meaning he had to be able to drive), and pay for the evening (meaning that he would have to have a source of income). I think the hubs and I are in agreement that solo dating will not happen until that time. At this point, he is never out of my sight longer than to use a public bathroom, so I can't imagine letting him be alone in public with a girl. He's also not emotionally mature enough to be in a singular relationship. On the other hand- he has found a girl that is accepting of him, and he is doing normal teen stuff- which is huge and something that we always encourage. I think that I would be fine with group dates with adult supervision- which I doubt will even happen since some of his friends moms are even more strict than I am, phone calls and emails- plus seeing each other at the park each week. All of your replies did help- and I am feeling more calm already. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159275 Thu, 20 May 2010 23:58:32 +0000 Anonymous 159275@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm not a parent so I'm not going to be able to offer much help there, but when I was a teen starting to date my parents had some set boundaries that I knew about before I was even interested in dating: they wanted to meet the person I was interested in, I was expected to communicate our timeline and activities so they knew where we were, and I was expected to call if there was any reason I'd be late.</p> <p>There was a balance of my parents setting guidelines and them asking me what I wanted from them (I certainly didn't want to have them 'not care' if I was out late!). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159274 Thu, 20 May 2010 23:58:13 +0000 Theresa 159274@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Khris absolutely no advice from me (heck I can hardly work it out for myself and my girls are a LOOONG way from this LOL), but just wanted to send some hugs...</p> <p>I wouldn't have a clue what to do and of course the ASD makes everything that little bit more interesting... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159272 Thu, 20 May 2010 23:55:57 +0000 Itari 159272@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I understand your concern, although I'm not a parent. I think that the most important thing is establishing some rules that would be comfortable to your son and you &amp; your husband. At least this is what I think. I still remember my teenage years (and frankly, I don't really feel that I'm an adult woman) and the best thing was that I could trust my parents. I could tell my mum about my personal issues, because I was sure that even if she disapproved of my behaviour, she wouldn't get mad or yell. Sorry if it wasn't much help. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-teens-and-dating#post-159263 Thu, 20 May 2010 23:48:11 +0000 chewyspaghetti 159263@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So this is a loaded question, I am sure.<br /> We're facing this issue of dating with our 14 yr old for the first time, and honestly it terrifies me. If you're a parent of teens (or former teens) what are your 'rules' about dating and why? Even if you're not a parent- share your thoughts if you want. My son has an Autism Spectrum Disorder, which further complicates matters, and I am just so confused. </p>