https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 06 May 2026 15:38:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input/page/2#post-162229 Wed, 26 May 2010 14:56:59 +0000 shiny 162229@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maya, nowadays employers respect people who are smart enough to look out for their own careers - and that includes attending networking events and keeping up with potential new employers and past employers. </p> <p>The reality is that few people go from graduation to grave at a single job. Employers don't expect loyalty like that. Neither should employees expect it from employers. </p> <p>In some ways this is bad, in some ways it's good. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input/page/2#post-161415 Tue, 25 May 2010 04:58:25 +0000 Lena 161415@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good luck, Maya!!! I'm rooting for you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input/page/2#post-161376 Tue, 25 May 2010 03:40:12 +0000 Sihaya 161376@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't drink alcohol either and it has never been an issue. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input/page/2#post-161308 Tue, 25 May 2010 02:31:10 +0000 Frances 161308@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Shiny, I loved your list of tips! I'm going to make a note to come back to this post and review them the next time I have a cocktail party to go to! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input/page/2#post-161203 Mon, 24 May 2010 22:53:59 +0000 Kristine 161203@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh and by the way, I don't drink either and it's a non-issue at a cocktail party. Just grab a seltzer water with lime and you're all set. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input/page/2#post-161202 Mon, 24 May 2010 22:52:53 +0000 Kristine 161202@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Please go Maya!! Coincidentally, we just had our museum volunteer dinner last weekend. I know you don't feel you know anyone, but I bet you will by the end of the evening. </p> <p>Maybe you could confide in the person you feel closest to there (maybe your new boss)... "I'm going to go, but honestly I'm a little nervous that I won't know anyone!". Hopefully he or she will take the hint and either stick by you or put you in good hands.</p> <p>I find it helpful to ask people about themselves, "So, are you a volunteer? Which area are you in?". I'm shy also, but I've found there's rarely an awkward moment if you just make an effort at a little conversation. Many people will be just as nervous as you and will be busy worrying about themselves! You don't have to be a rock star networker at this thing, just go and see where the evening takes you.</p> <p>Push yourself and go, it's a little painful but the best way to grow. You never know what could come out of it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input/page/2#post-161129 Mon, 24 May 2010 20:28:23 +0000 Michelle 161129@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You must attend! :)<br /> In all seriousness, find a way to go to this thing. It's perfectly reasonable to explain to your new employer that you had a prior commitment and request permission to leave a little early, while also volunteering to make up the time by staying late or coming in early some other time. That demonstrates your commitment to the new project and enables you to make this crucial function. Nothing may come of it if you do go, but nothing is guaranteed to happen if you stay home.<br /> Angie, you withhold the cupcakes and I'll withhold Revie-play-time if she doesn't go! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input/page/2#post-161081 Mon, 24 May 2010 19:07:15 +0000 Angie 161081@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I know you do. That's why I'm withholding them if you don't go to the cocktail party!</p> <p>I don't think that the potential new employer will think that. The event was pre- planned and you need to keep your options open. Also, you could arrive late. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-161056 Mon, 24 May 2010 18:48:18 +0000 Maya 161056@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>But I love cupcakes :(</p> <p>I just don't want to think I'm not taking them seriously or I'm more loyal to my internship. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-161051 Mon, 24 May 2010 18:43:46 +0000 Isabel 161051@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>GO, GO, GO !!</p> <p>Your parents are right. Additionally, the way to get used to not be so shy is to practice. Seriously. THere is a great book out there on conversation starters. The key is to focus on the other person. Ask them questions about themselves. What do you do ? How did you get into it ? What was your first job ? etc. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-161045 Mon, 24 May 2010 18:36:31 +0000 Angie 161045@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sure they'll understand that you have to leave early, Maya. You really need to go to this social for the thousand reasons that have been stated already, Otherwise, no more cupcakes for you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160988 Mon, 24 May 2010 16:44:44 +0000 Maya 160988@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, 25 thoughtful replies and here I have to deliver the news that I might not even be able to go! It just occurred to me that it will be after I start my new 3 week stint this week. I don't know what their working hours are yet, but I'm sure it would require me leaving early and I'm not sure that's a great idea. This job is so far the only real solid lead I have. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160958 Mon, 24 May 2010 15:49:47 +0000 shiny 160958@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maya, you MUST go. Such occasions are invaluable for your career. Every person you meet, no matter who they are, may someday become an important business contact. </p> <p>I have a work conference coming up in a few weeks, and it will be the first time I get to meet the people I've been working with for the last year. Yes, I see them on video conference, and talk to them over the phone, but it can't replace real life interactions. I would not miss this opportunity for the world. Every time I have such opportunity, even if it's as simple as a dinner, it makes such a difference.</p> <p>Tips on how to handle the occasion:</p> <p>1) Remember that first impressions are what counts. If you can just get through the first 30 seconds of each introduction, you've won. It's that simple. Practice your smile, your eye contact, and your handshake. Feign confidence. It will get easier and easier with each introduction. And, of course, dress your best - we know you can do that.</p> <p>2) Make a list of safe topics and comments you can make, during those first 30 seconds. "So nice to meet you, &lt;insert question&gt;". Questions work the best, as it lets you off the hook while they answer. And, everyone loves to talk about themselves!</p> <p>3) It helps if you do some homework in advance, particularly for any VIPs you may be meeting. "I saw your exhibit last week - I wanted to ask you where you got the idea to... &lt;I dunno... something that shows you paid attention&gt;." "I understand you are an NYU grad?" Even, if all else fails, "Wow, I love those shoes! Where did you get them?" </p> <p>4) Keep moving. Don't latch on and lock any one person into a long conversation. 5-10 minutes, max, then move on to the next person. Exception: it's a VIP and they seem to keep asking you questions. You can always say, "I don't want to tie you up, I'm sure you want to meet and mingle too." </p> <p>5) If you are overcome with a case of the nerves, just admit it. "I'm not good at these parties, but I'm practicing! I'm told it gets easier - does it???" Everyone likes sincerity, and they are probably just as nervous as you are. </p> <p>6) Stay away from volatile topics like religion, politics, etc. I know you know that, hee hee.... read the news headlines that day, so you can always fall back on current events. Even the weather is a fair topic. Phrase everything as a question: "Did you hear it's going to be 90 this weekend?"</p> <p>I promise you, this gets easier with practice. Really, it does! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160933 Mon, 24 May 2010 15:12:03 +0000 casey 160933@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maya, I think you recently said that you were had to act bubbly and outgoing for a job interview. Think of this as the same thing! Just go up to someone, say, "Hi, I'm Maya. I'm so happy to finally get to meet some of the other volunteers" and ask them what they do. Nothing could be simpler!</p> <p>If you look at it as an exercise to practice your networking, you might be less nervous. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160873 Mon, 24 May 2010 11:11:36 +0000 April 160873@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Forgot to mention it last night, Maya, but I'm casting another vote in favor of not worrying about the "I don't drink" aspect. I do drink wine, but never at work functions or volunteer events and when I was in grad school, never at department functions either. I just prefer not to, and no one has ever questioned it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160867 Mon, 24 May 2010 10:25:16 +0000 londonkiwi (now back in NZ) 160867@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm with everyone else - you need to go - think of this as a learning opportunity and you will look smashing in your outfit, and I think that you should take confidence from that!</p> <p>I work as a fundraiser so a lot of my job is about networking and talking to people, I am not a natural extrovert, so have had to learn the skills that are necessary and as they say practice makes perfect!</p> <p>Debora's advice about having some prepared questions for small talk are spot on and you are lucky that you have a topic in common already with the other guests. I also find that older people like to talk to younger people about what they are doing and how they are getting on - you may be surprised. </p> <p>Don't worry that you are not a drinker, in my expereice a lot of people do not drink at functions for one reason or another, you will not be judged on it.</p> <p>Do you know any full time staff that will be attending? If yes, then ask if they could introduce you to some of the other guests of staff. Also, will people be wearing name badges? If yes, then how handy, because you will not have to remember names.</p> <p>Since it is a good opportunity to network, make sure you take business or calling cards if you have some or a small note book and pen so that you can get other's details or pass on your own.</p> <p>A cocktail party at the MET - how many people can say that they have been to one? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160859 Mon, 24 May 2010 09:39:06 +0000 stringy 160859@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Make sure you tell your friend that you might want to leave early. Politely excuse yourself from your conversation to get a drink or whatever (don't be too specific), then quietly slip away. It's not appropriate to do to friends, but at a gathering of near-strangers, everyone will assume you're chatting to someone else. </p> <p>Stay just as long as you can manage the small-talk, with the assistance of your bubbly friend, then slip out before you get worn out by it all. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160835 Mon, 24 May 2010 04:44:10 +0000 Rosie 160835@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>These kinds of functions are tough - I'd certainly feel anxious as well. You've gotten some excellent advice already. It is a must-attend, and it is certainly fine to bring a friend who might help you feel more comfortable. My one caution is try not to let your more outgoing friend upstage you in the conversations. Remember that this is your event and these are people who might be interesting to get to know. By all means allow your friend to strike up conversations but make sure that you get to show your charming self, as well. </p> <p>With regards to the drinking - usually people don't really care whether you are drinking or not, but if you find yourself feeling self-conscious or don't want to deal with people asking, club soda with some citrus is always a good bet. Looks like a stiff drink and might fend off any questions. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160831 Mon, 24 May 2010 04:12:21 +0000 Debbie 160831@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Definitely go and take a friend. This is a opportunity as your parents said to network and who knows whoever you take may know someone at the party and that would help break the ice. </p> <p>These functions are a necessary evil and are great ways to meet new people. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160825 Mon, 24 May 2010 03:34:10 +0000 Michelle 160825@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Maya, I feel for you. Cocktail parties can be both stressful and mind-numbing -- a really odd combination, to be sure. They can also be fun and/or incredibly helpful. My recruitment job came about because of a conversation at a cocktail party. Learning to navigate this type of environment is something of an evil necessity, but I know without question that you have all it takes to be a total success. You're a great conversationalist, as I can attest. You'll look great, you'll be sober (which already puts you ahead of the game), and believe it or not you're already in an environment that ensures some degree of common ground with the other party-goers. You all work/volunteer at the same place. That, and the fact that it's the freaking met we're talking about, should ensure enough introductory material to get going (art always works)! :)</p> <p>The others are absolutely right. What you drink is noone's business but your own, and noone really cares about such things anyway. Have whatever you feel comfortable with. Identify someone familiar if you can, but if not, don't hesitate to take the lead. Feel free to introduce yourself if you're stuck in line at coat check or at the bar or what not. Guaranteed, you won't be the only shy person in the place, and someone else will be most grateful for your initiative if you feel comfortable taking some. The fact is most people don't love cocktail parties like this, so you'll find more sympathy than you expect. And you'll make a good impression by showin an appropriate sense of decorum and workplace conduct. And you'll have fun planning your outfit!! </p> <p>Too bad I can't come with you so you could use Reva as an ice-breaker! You have no clue how great guide dogs are for that kind of thing! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160821 Mon, 24 May 2010 03:28:11 +0000 Anonymous 160821@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Please do go, Maya. Some of the volunteers may be recently retired and may be able to help you in your job search. At your age I was also painfully shy but find that everyone likes to talk about themselves and what they do or have done. Debora has some good advice in thinking of questions to get them started. Everyone has an interesting story in them. You can always leave early. Ask for club soda with a twist of lemon if you want to look like you have a drink. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160813 Mon, 24 May 2010 03:02:25 +0000 Sihaya 160813@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it's totally ok to bring along a girlfriend. Target a small handful of folks who look more "attractive" to you and see if you can have some one-on-one conversations with them as you mention you do better one on one. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160797 Mon, 24 May 2010 02:11:55 +0000 April 160797@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Maya -- I completely feel your anxiety. This is exactly the sort of thing that sends me into a tizzy as well. Remember that most people respond very well to a good listener and often don't even notice that they're doing all the talking. And that you can keep conversation flowing by asking questions that begin with "what" rather than questions that can be answered with a yes or a no. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160795 Mon, 24 May 2010 02:08:46 +0000 Debora 160795@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maya, you'll do fine, believe me. You were an excellent hostess when we all met up in New York and you did a fine job of introducing us all around and keeping the conversation going. </p> <p>Frances gave you excellent advice for introducing yourself. Also, prepare some small talk and ice breakers in advance. Since it is a volunteer function you can prepare some standard questions such as: How long have you volunteered at the museum? How many days a week do you volunteer? What area do you volunteer in? Do you live in the city? I think you'll find that most people love to talk about themselves. At least that's my experience and I've spent many years attending military and academic functions. Many a time I've prepped myself beforehand with safe, general topics of discussion such as these. I've just substituted different words. For example, How long have you been stationed here? What was your previous assignment? Or, How long have you taught at the University? What subject do you teach? It's really pretty flop proof once you get the hang of it.</p> <p>Good luck and have a wonderful time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160789 Mon, 24 May 2010 02:00:23 +0000 Mac 160789@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maya, i didn't realise that you were painfully shy. I do know that you are surprisingly pretty and fabulously witty so I hope you go, enjoy yourself and knock their socks off. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160788 Mon, 24 May 2010 01:58:26 +0000 Angie 160788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes! The suede green pumps will look fab. Good idea. </p> <p>Bring a friend for sure. I didn't know that was a possibility. Now you're sorted! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160775 Mon, 24 May 2010 01:39:15 +0000 Maya 160775@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Angie, do you think those mint green pumps would work, or is the suede not appropriate? I had them cleaned, for what it's worth..</p> <p>I have a friend in mind who is much more outgoing than I am, so I thought of asking her to come along, because she is much more comfortable striking up conversations with people. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160772 Mon, 24 May 2010 01:35:16 +0000 Claudia 160772@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, do make yourself go, Maya. Bring a gal pal, but make sure you don't just hang with her and make no attempt to mingle and start conversations and introduce yourself around. Cricket's mom's advice is so true. Everyone is shy and insecure on some level and wants approval, they just push through it and make it look easy. </p> <p>What a great opportunity to wear that killer dress. I hope you'll go. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160769 Mon, 24 May 2010 01:26:18 +0000 taylor 160769@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Of course Angie is right you must go!! I was just going to suggest a support person. Not wierd at all bringing a friend!! Pretend Marrianna and I are there and make funny comments to us to us ( in your head:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-need-some-input#post-160762 Mon, 24 May 2010 01:09:48 +0000 Maya 160762@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>BTW...is it completely weird and inappropriate to bring a girl as a guest? I'm not too enthusiastic about bringing any of my dude friends to tag along... </p>