https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 20 Apr 2026 09:59:24 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/4#post-384123 Thu, 14 Jul 2011 08:31:57 +0000 Katiepea 384123@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for the lovely compliment BM, I'm glad you like it! x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/4#post-384108 Thu, 14 Jul 2011 07:37:22 +0000 Aunty 384108@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi BM, You are being so good, I dont know how you do it. Keep your chin up. I hope B feels better soon </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383969 Thu, 14 Jul 2011 01:23:50 +0000 biscuitsmom 383969@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, girl! LOVE your website, btw </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383837 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 22:12:34 +0000 Katiepea 383837@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hey there BM, I just wanted to say that I've been thinking about you all week. Keep strong! x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383675 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 16:24:59 +0000 catgirl 383675@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Echoing the comments about professional help and possible mental illness... I also want to add that people in this situation often see themselves as victims in life, as a way to rationalize not being able to change things and justify their sense of entitlement for having been wronged somehow. So don't be surprised if they turn on you when you draw the line and accuse you of being part of the reason they can't get anywhere. None of this is your fault, and the only people who can change their situation is THEM. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383673 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 16:19:02 +0000 judy 383673@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Glad to hear the update, BM...and happy anniversary and hope you are not having the summer from Hell :). Your kind offer...and patience!...looks like it is just postponing the inevitable for this couple. Often people with chronic situations like this have undiagnosed/treated mental illness or substance/compulsion issues. They really need professional help. But you are still incredibly kind! It appears that they really were not looking for a place to redo their lives, just to exist in the same way that they have been. Just want to support you to keep your spirits up! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383670 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 16:11:13 +0000 MNsara 383670@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi, bm - I've been reading through and everyone has given such sound advice </p> <p>I'm just wanting to ditto April's last comment about long term behaviour, and Kim's comment about homelessness will be *Michelle's* issue. Your kind heart will hurt and feel bad when it happens, but if I was the betting type, I'd say you better plan on that outcome. -- and maybe start toughening yourself for it. </p> <p>You can research homeless shelters and give them a printout, so they know you mean business. Even if they must move to yet another county to find one -- they have no jobs, no house, no apartment, etc. to keep them in your county. </p> <p>In fact, if they found a homeless shelter, there are usually social services available for those that seek them. </p> <p>You are being a blessing to them now, but stand firm. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383661 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 15:11:47 +0000 taylor 383661@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Happy anniversary...and hoping B is better soon....<br /> Don't fall into guilt when you set your house guests free...it isn't your fault they are homeless...April made a very strong point! Long term behavior is often hard, if not impossible to change...they could be an endless . bottomless pit...you don't have the resources to fill that hole....no one does:(<br /> You are an Angel to help this far! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383660 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 15:08:17 +0000 Queen Mum 383660@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>bm.. honestly, it sounds like Michelle has no plans to do anything to help herself and no desire to do any talking. You'd have better luck reasoning with your houseplants. I would say no more, lock up the liquor and computer, and wait out the next month until move out day. I know that sounds heartless, but you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. You're expending your own emotional energy for nothing.... and probably getting frustrated.. I know I would be. Save your energy for other things.<br /> If the thought of being homeless is not motivating her, that is HER issue, not yours. You have gone above and beyond and SHE is the one choosing to not make any changes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383651 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:37:32 +0000 biscuitsmom 383651@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, girl! It was fun going out for dinner last night and Tim gave me a beautiful card he had made We werent gone too long...B hasnt been feeling well, so Ive been sticking pretty close to him... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383648 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:30:03 +0000 Freckles 383648@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sending tons of calming vibes to help you through this period. So glad to hear that the two of you are getting out and having fun. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383641 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:19:51 +0000 biscuitsmom 383641@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, April....Im sure you are right. I did try talking to Michelle the other day about it, but all she would say is 'I guess we will be homeless' and walked away Im sure they wont be financially ready to move (especially going out to bingo sometimes) and I just dont know what is going to happen... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383578 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 11:26:31 +0000 April 383578@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have been wondering how you're doing with this situation, B-Mom -- thanks for giving us an update.</p> <p>At my job, I often encounter families who are perpetually on the brink of homelessness, and unfortunately the prognosis is not good. Some people have a single, unexpected crisis occur and suddenly find themselves in trouble, but often situations such as your friends have found themselves in are the result of long-term behavior patterns. It sounds like the same behaviors that are making your friend a challenging houseguest are the ones that landed her in this predicament -- and as we all know, long-term behavior patterns are notoriously difficult to change.</p> <p>Good for you for sticking to your rules about the length of their stay. Might be a good idea to go step-by-step with them over what their plan is if the deadline arrives and their circumstances haven't changed. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383271 Tue, 12 Jul 2011 21:36:09 +0000 biscuitsmom 383271@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You're so sweet, ladies! SJ, I *needed* a good laugh, thanks T, yes, I finally got DH to take them, so I'll try and have him put them up soon...I dont know how to do a damn thing on the computer! Tonight is the 10th Anniversary of our 1st date, so we're going out to dinner at Broadway Pizza, where we had it...thanks for your interest! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383250 Tue, 12 Jul 2011 20:53:29 +0000 Polly (thunalata) 383250@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You are wonderful! Hang in there, you're doing great.</p> <p>ETA - OT did you ever take pics of your lovely bags...? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383247 Tue, 12 Jul 2011 20:39:25 +0000 StacyJo 383247@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Biscuitmom, I dont know how you do it...are you sure you're not a blood relative of morher Teresa? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-383232 Tue, 12 Jul 2011 19:59:05 +0000 biscuitsmom 383232@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Im SO sorry its taken so long to respond...my time on the computer is limited, and I dont dare open this thread while they are around...they need to walk right near the computer to go outside for one of their ever-present cigarette smoking. sessions. Thank you, Una, for mentioning the financial info! I did not even think of that! ack! Coco, and ALL the others, thank you SO much too! Everyone has been so kind and full of good ideas...Michelle *finally* applied for Disability, which I really doubt she'll get (but it gives her a good excuse to not look for a job) but if she gets it, which will take between 5-10 months, she will be eligible for Subsidized Housing, which would be a blessing...and another long wait. Kurt has worked a average of a few days a week We told him he should take other jobs that the daily temp offers if he cant get work at the Old Dutch potato chip factory he likes, but so far he hasnt done that once. Michelle told me she *must* wait for the County to contact her to switch her Food Stamps to this County (which I doubt) and only then can she apply for any other help..uh huh. But they can go and play Bingo a few night every week! NOT borrowing the money from us, anyway....but now, because of her not contacting the County on time, they wont get FS for July We are staying firm on the 8/31deadline....they've been ok at following our rules, EXCEPT for talking to B when they go in/out the door, which they do 2-4 x a hour, so gets upset and barks/growls...doesnt matter how many times I say anything, they just dont do it thanks again to everyone for their continued interest/patience with me on this! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-378365 Mon, 04 Jul 2011 21:16:51 +0000 CocoLion 378365@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with what Steph said earlier.</p> <p>She sounds depressed and is using alcohol and the computers to get out of it. She also sounds somewhat hostile. I have been in this exact situation myself (except for the living situation, I paid rent to my roommate), and nothing anyone said helped me. Only time and hitting a lower bottom with alcohol/substances helped me, actually. I had to quit the substances, including smoking, plus got on the right psych meds, to pull me out of depression. But I was still down until I finally got busy working again. </p> <p>In my experience, this is going to take her a long time and she needs to do it herself. My best advice to you is to lock up your alcohol, protect your computer info, and stick to the 2 month deadline. This is a matter of getting through it. </p> <p>Please don't extend the 2 months even if she gets better, worse, or stays the same. You are powerless over her; only she can change her own life. The situation she is in has taken a lifetime to create, and your words or actions can't really change the tide -- to repeat, only she can change. I hope that makes some sense and I don't sound too heartless. If she is drinking I agree AA would be a great place to start, IF she takes the program to heart... most people don't, they discard the help available at AA and go on digging themselves deeper in a hole.</p> <p>Really, my heart goes out to you and I am hoping this time goes without too much negative consequence to all of you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-378356 Mon, 04 Jul 2011 21:08:21 +0000 MsMary 378356@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm not bored. I am waiting with fingers crossed, hoping Michelle steps up to the plate! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-378337 Mon, 04 Jul 2011 20:35:55 +0000 biscuitsmom 378337@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you all SO much! Just have a quick second before they come upstairs, but will write on the subject tomorrow! Hope Im not boring anyone with this..... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-376318 Thu, 30 Jun 2011 18:37:11 +0000 catgirl 376318@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sandy is so right. It doesn't sound like there was any discussion of her being allowed "time off" before they moved in - in fact, the very opposite. So where is that coming from now? She seems to be playing the victim here and making you and Kurt the bad guys. This is so unacceptable, and the sooner she gets some tough love the better. How is your husband coping with this situation? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-376307 Thu, 30 Jun 2011 18:31:24 +0000 san 376307@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle's lack of motivation to follow through with her promise to you is completely unacceptable and it is a deal breaker, period.<br /> They have a car to sleep in, they have no children to take care of.<br /> You have a good concience for trying to help, they didn't follow through, and in fact Michelle lied about her intentions.<br /> Ask yourself if you would act this way if the tables were turned and I think you might see that they are free loaders more than a couple who need to get back on their feet.<br /> I would tell Michelle that it's over. You didn't offer her 2 months of sitting on your computer while she carries a grudge against her man about who's turn it is to support one another. This is a sign of character. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-376170 Thu, 30 Jun 2011 14:11:06 +0000 3style 376170@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm floored by the quantity of alcohol consumption and wondering if that might be a big part of Michelle's problem: she drinks, which makes her cranky and tired the next day, which makes her drink some more, and 'round it goes. She may well not be an alcoholic yet, but if she goes on like this she will be.</p> <p>If you want to continue being supportive to her, the first thing I would suggest you help her with would be a heavy-duty vitamin and mineral supplement, so maybe she can get her head on straight. For any intervention more serious than that, I think more professional help (like AA) is advisable.</p> <p>My husband and I are in the 28% tax bracket with no debt outside the mortgage, and we feel we can only afford a maximum of one restaurant drink or two at-home drinks per week per person. So having 2-3 drinks per day, especially given their finances, seems truly seems problematic to me. The folks I personally know at the 2-3 drinks per day level are ones that I would definitely say have a problem. I know that is stricter criteria than some doctor's assessments, but it is my experience.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-375893 Wed, 29 Jun 2011 23:19:37 +0000 catgirl 375893@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would also make sure that your financial information is IN NO WAY accessible on your computer (password lists, bank account info, bookmarks). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-375870 Wed, 29 Jun 2011 22:29:48 +0000 StacyJo 375870@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>BM, sounds like a "Come to Jesus" talk needs to take place. I second the suggestion that they be out of the house 6-8 hours during prime working time - if anything it will preserve your sanity. And I second the password protect function on your computer. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-375832 Wed, 29 Jun 2011 21:15:29 +0000 Medicechic 375832@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I second Alaskagirl. Reading through these posts I was also thinking he'd be the deadbeat! Sounds like he is making some effort. Besides the temp jobs, is he actively looking for permanent work in the meantime?</p> <p>As for the computer, I second the password protection. Is there a way to limit use hours for a certain login through some type of parental controls?? That way you could set it where she could use it in the evenings, but maybe not during the day when she should be out applying for help/jobs?</p> <p>For me the computer is a distracting thing. Key in point, my plan for today was to fill out a part time job application for some extra money and go turn it in... instead I started a new blog and have been playing online.</p> <p>I also know something about being seriously depressed. I used the computer to avoid other things/ interacting with people. Is there any cheap/free help in your area? If they are already on foodstamps, do they have other benefits available such as medicaid until they can get back on their feet? These open doors should be used as stepping stones, but that's another gripe. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-375829 Wed, 29 Jun 2011 21:09:26 +0000 biscuitsmom 375829@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You're so right...Im so sorry you had that experience....I really thought when she called and was crying on the phone that she would honestly try...well, at least I know in my heart that we did what we could to help....who knows, maybe they'll still get it together... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-375818 Wed, 29 Jun 2011 20:46:19 +0000 Mo 375818@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Password log in change?? :D<br /> I was afraid that your efforts to help might not be seen in the same light from their point of view. As I said, I had a similar thing with my very own mom in my place. Perception is reality for a person, unfortunately. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-375815 Wed, 29 Jun 2011 20:44:03 +0000 biscuitsmom 375815@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really cant, cuz Tim likes to use it in the living room and watch tv at the same time (plus its the only spot we have for it) but otherwise, yup, I'd be tempted! I told her about a kind offer to help with her resume, and she glared and damn near growled at me! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-having-houseguests-for-2-months/page/3#post-375814 Wed, 29 Jun 2011 20:41:34 +0000 Mo 375814@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maybe it's time to put the computer away? Or in your bedroom. Surely someone can't get upset with you for keeping *your* things under lock and key. ;)</p> <p>EDIT: I think that would qualify as making her a little less comfortable with sitting around all day - discomfort brings forth change! </p>