https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 22 Apr 2026 21:15:08 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-604019 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 18:45:03 +0000 Anonymous 604019@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You sound so much like my sister, you really do. I am sending you lots of hugs. It does get easier, as the kids grow older. I remember how drained I felt when my daughter was little. 17 years later, I am not sure what I'd do with myself, once she is off to college.</p> <p>I know it sucks to be in the house all the time, I really do. I stayed home with my daughter for about 2 years and I was going crazy. I love of all the volunteering ideas given to you. </p> <p>I will tell you what I tell my sister: Staying home with the kids is a luxury these days. I live next door to a lady who takes care of a few kids and it breaks my heart to see the parents, stroller in hand, dropping their 2-3 month babies off at 6 am, so they can go to work, rain or shine, because they cannot make it on one salary. I have a few colleagues going thru the same ordeal as well. That is the biggest positive that I see with your situation. It does not make it any easier, nevertheless. </p> <p>Hang in there!!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-604002 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 18:15:53 +0000 Isabel 604002@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elizabeth, you are NOT a failure ! I am the antithesis of the happy stay at "mom" type that one thinks of ( June Cleaver ). I am not a crafter or real detail person with art. I have never owned a glue gun and we don't have bags of beads and feathers for my children to explore. It has been very difficult on so many levels.</p> <p>But there are some absolutely hysterical things too. When my son was in kindergarten, I jumped at the chance to volunteer weekly. Since my background is molecular biology, I thought I would saunter in and start teaching how to sequence DNA to 5 year olds. They would be fascinated...</p> <p>So I go in for my first day, wearing a beautiful cashmere sweater and silk scarf. Like I dressed for casual work days, and the teacher sends me to. the. crafts. table. OMG ! I start to walk over and everything goes into slow motion. There 7 kids waiving glue sticks and sparkles and snotty noses.....right at my cashmere sweater !!!!!! I tell the teacher I would prefer the math or science table. She replies that they are not exactly doing science or math at this point, but that art helps with geometry. I look back at the kids, take a deep breath and hope that my sweater makes it !!! ( It did not. But I did. ) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603994 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 18:03:10 +0000 rachylou 603994@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Elizabeth! Been there and... been there again! I got a dog. Haha. That sounds like the last thing a person would need... a forever two-year old. But she fits in with the schedule, is content to just follow around and entertain herself sniffing. Has been a friend-maker for me - before her, I'd met no one in my town - and there's always a ready built activity good for any time of day (dog walks). Also have to say, I've learned a lot about parenting through her (and something about animals). She doesn't let me flake; dog keeps the schedule whereas kid flakes with me, LOL.</p> <p>Anyways, I am the sort who also finds an identity in my own right necessary for any kind of self-respect. An identity not in terms of others. That's where my sustatinable energy comes from.</p> <p>Finally, I just have to say that's funny about your daughter and reading. My daughter is an old lady now (19!), but I remember her getting mad at me when she was 11 or so, wanting to flounce off from her school work and saying, "I'll never read or write as good as you!" Of course, I make my living writing so, um, yeah, that was true. I had to tell her that I didn't expect that of her. She is so unlike me, it's mind-boggling. She's not my natural child, we don't share genes, but she is still *really really* not like me. Before, I'd only seen people like her on t.v. and didn't think they actually existed. She liked planning school dances and matching clothes with her friends! I've learned, tho, the value of this kind of personality. She can seriously organize people towards any endeavor.</p> <p>Anyways, especially at the very young ages, kids really vary as to the exact moment when those neural pathways kick in. My boyfriend didn't talk until he was 3; his parents took him to the doctor.</p> <p>My brother is a storyboard artist and camera guy, btw, down there in Hollywood. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603949 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:28:21 +0000 Patty 603949@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So your husband is in "We'll fix it in Post". We were in the "Just give me something to put on TV" end of cartoons &gt;=+P</p> <p>This reminds me of when I was particularly down a couple years ago--I thought I should start a comic strip of something I know--kids was played out by everyone by then so I chose my VW Beetle. I did some drawings and posted them to some enthusiasts' sites and got good feedback and stories of them pinned to work benches and fridges--that's pretty much what I want outta drawing so it felt good. I was pretty inspired (I even stayed up too late ) but as with most things it all fell aside as the family was growing until I basically became challenged by time and lack of computer abilities. It was a great run tho and it worked for that hard time--might even get back at it again.<br /> You should try this yourself--I remember the great feedback you got for your Fluevog shoe set--you deserved it--you should find a site/forum in your interest or broader interest (book club?) and try to post sketches (I know time is tight but quickies you're comfy with)---it's fun and you can get some real feel good time in return. If you post to forums you don''t have to make a website right away either!! &lt;=+D<br /> Only just a thought.</p> <p>Just for reading if your interested in kids' books:<br /> <a href="http://www.canscaip.org/" rel="nofollow">http://www.canscaip.org/</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603905 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 16:52:18 +0000 Aziraphale 603905@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Haha yes, Patty, that colourfully descriptive word gets used a lot in the entertainment industry. My husband is in visual effects for film, so it's post-production, which usually means more steady work than those who are crew on a show. We do have quite a few friends on that end of it, though, because my best friend ended up in art department for film and TV, and she married an actor. (I'm actually the odd one out, having studied science instead of art).</p> <p>But as it has turns out, I'm now an illustrator, I guess, albeit a baby one. A couple of contracts fell into my lap last year, so I did them and it was fun. But I haven't got around to setting up a website yet (because this year has been such a mess). Will do that in September when the kids are both in school. For now the only artwork that's online, I think, is that painting I did for the Fluevog ad contest last year (which I didn't win...grrr). <a href="http://www.fluevog.com/code/fc_gallery.php?view=553&#038;p=17" rel="nofollow">http://www.fluevog.com/code/fc.....&#038;p=17</a></p> <p> But thanks for your interest! When I get a website up, I'll send you a PM. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603770 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:56:06 +0000 Patty 603770@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elisabeth---I've used "new show/employer" and "clusterfuck" in the same sentence before too--LOL.<br /> Not to know what you are feeling--I have to say your husband has been pretty lucky to be steady employed for 6 yrs!!! He must be really good and have great resources within the industry. It's been feast or famine in TO for a while now--lots of companies but little work/ short contracts it seems.<br /> Do you have a website Elisabeth I'd LOVE to see your work!!!! If there is anything I do miss since being home is having artwork in my hands! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603730 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:23:46 +0000 Aziraphale 603730@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Laura -- Rants from Mommyland is hilarious. Thanks for the link!</p> <p>MPJ -- my little boy starts K this coming September. I'm going to let them teach him to read, after the debacle with my daughter four years ago. I'm not quite sure what I did to mess up so badly, but I could not get her to even try reading until grade one! I"m not kidding. It was stupid because she loved books, and would "read" to herself (make up the words) for hours. And she'd let me read to her. But if I even pointed out a letter, she'd sprint off and that would be the end of reading time for that day. (I couldn't get her to draw, either. I'm an illustrator and I can draw exceptionally well, so I've always wondered if she was just intimidated). For some reason she has always been oddly resistant to the idea of learning ANYTHING until she's good and ready. In K the teacher didn't know what to do with her. She spent the entire year insisting to her teacher, "I'm not going to read and you can't make me", although she did start drawing pictures for the first time ever, and did them so carefully that she would decline to go out and play at recess in order to complete them. By the end of K we were wondering if she had a reading disability, but the teacher said she didn't think so -- she thought it was more likely that we had a perfectionist on our hands. Well, two months into grade one, our daughter started to read, and by Christmas had surpassed everyone in her class. By the end of the year she was reading at a grade four level. By grade two she was reading Harry Potter to herself. So all's well that ends well, but I'm too traumatized to try to teach my son anything for fear of messing up again! (Although he seems a little less reluctant than she was -- he's at least learned some of the letters, and all of the numbers, just by osmosis when we read together). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603644 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 12:30:33 +0000 Mamapicklejuice 603644@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elisabeth - big hugs! Just like any job, there are moments of tedium and moments of excitement. There is plenty of opportunity to use your brain as a SAHM! (In fact, many friends who work outside the house complain their jobs are nothing but busy-ness and office politics, so don't feel you're missing out too much. Just think of all the YLF posts recently where people have complained about job dissatisfaction...you are not alone!) You mentioned your youngest was in kindergarten...is he reading already? I taught my eldest to read at age 4, and it was the most fulfilling thing I ever did. :)</p> <p>I like the idea of a book club for you. Babysitting costs can add up, but you should still make it a priority to get together with a friend to blow off steam. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603630 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 12:12:38 +0000 Tanya 603630@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No new wise advice here, just wanted to send big hugs. It does look that it is very important to cave up some free time for yourself, so book club might be indeed excellent idea. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603626 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 12:05:50 +0000 Laura 603626@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What Suz said is so wise. One little gesture can begin shifting things. Join that book group. You need to know you're not alone, and even one friend you can really talk to will make all the difference. Even if you have to book a sitter and drive into the city once a month to go hang out at a friend's house, I bet you will feel a tiny bit better. Having small kids is a huge challenge. I also recommend <a href="http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com</a>. We all need to laugh! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603619 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 11:51:28 +0000 ManidipaM 603619@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elisabeth, I've nothing to add to the wonderful advice you've had already, but just wanted to wish you health, helping hands and joy---and a huge slice of time for yourself! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603604 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 10:38:44 +0000 Suz 603604@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Book club is a great idea. You might meet someone in the club who is more...um..on your wavelength than your running partner. And even if you don't, at least you get good books and a night out and some discussion, and who knows where it goes from there. </p> <p>I understand that feeling of being so utterly overwhelmed. Too many things on your plate and no clear way to deal with any of them in this moment. </p> <p>A wise friend once told me that after I dried my tears on days like that, the kindest and smartest thing I could do would be to ask myself: </p> <p>1. What do I want or need?<br /> 2. What's one SMALL thing I can do, right now, to move me in that direction. </p> <p>Figuring out a concrete task to do - whether that be picking up the phone and calling the person who invited you to join a book club or simply wiping up the counter — and doing that small task - gives you at least a tiny sense of the control and agency you've been missing in a time when everything seems so out of your control. </p> <p>Big hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603601 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 10:19:03 +0000 ButterflyLady 603601@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can't add any more to the wonderful advice you've already be given, except to say to put yourself first once in a while (book that sitter!) and be kind to yourself while you're recovering from surgery, with all these additional demands to cope with as well.</p> <p>Big hugs x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603582 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 07:21:28 +0000 Kiwichik 603582@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There are so many pieces of wisdom in the previous posts so all I have to add is a hug &amp; a whole lot of positivity coming your way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603557 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 06:09:40 +0000 Jenava 603557@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>elisabeth, I'm glad you posted, and I hope that with all these lovely comments, suggestions and encouragement you're starting to see there IS hope for things improving, and even things you can do right away that will make you feel better...book club, or whatever!</p> <p>I don't have nearly the stuff you have going on, but even I get down feeling sometimes, and lonely (hubby is in school). Your post really resonated with me and I am sending good vibes and hugs your way! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why/page/2#post-603554 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 06:04:55 +0000 Elly 603554@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I feel ya Elizabeth. I really do. </p> <p>It is exhausting to have a partner that can't be a partner because work/work stress eats up their life and time. They don't have anything left to give at the end of the day and often take more than you can spare, since it is already bumming and stressing you out . . . I can't imagine having kids in the picture. </p> <p>I'm not much for the tedium of being a housewife either-- it is hard work and I need to see other people and use my brain and do something that isn't just going to be undone in 4 hours anyway. You can feel under-appreciated. I can relate to turning to YLF when I need a place with female friends and a place I can just be a woman. </p> <p>The health problems are also irritating and I suspect you probably rightfully feel a sense of frustration and loss over the situation. I do hope you'll get your energy back soon. </p> <p>The parent situation is incredibly sad and stressful. On one hand you want to be there for and around your mom in what will probably not be a lot of time left together, but care-giving for an ailing parent is exhausting and trying and I do have family that has regretted giving up so much of their life for it. </p> <p>No great advice, just hoping things work out and you find what you need in the meantime and know that I feel ya and will be thinking about you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603529 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 04:55:00 +0000 RandomThoughts (Andrea) 603529@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No advice from me, just (((hugs))) and well wishes. I certainly can empathize with feeling alone, insanely busy yet oddly unfulfilled. Much love and things WILL get better. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603525 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 04:38:36 +0000 Aziraphale 603525@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ladies, I cannot tell you how much your kind words mean to me. I'm having a really down-in-the-dumps kind of day, and all your suggestions and words of encouragement made me cry a little, and now I feel much better. (Sometimes ya just have to cry -- I think there's a good chance I have PMS right now, although I won't know for sure, because the damn period will never come! I might start trying to track ovulation with a thermometer, so at least I'll have some idea of what time of the month it is...). </p> <p>There are so many helpful comments that I can't possibly respond to all of them individually, but thank you all for the suggestions. I think I need to start hiring a sitter more in the evenings. Unfortunately most of my friends live in the city, and we moved to the suburbs, so quick pop-in visits are not possible during the week. I've made a couple of friends among the local moms, but I haven't perhaps made a big enough effort to see them in the evenings. It's hard, though, because they have families too, and their kids are in sports and things, and I don't like to impinge on their family time. Perhaps what I really need to do is join a book club and just get a sitter who will always come on that one night, since my husband is never home.</p> <p>As for my mom, she's not in such a bad way now, but I'm worried about the future. I was shocked and frightened at how quickly her mental functions have deteriorated over the past year. She was fine a year and a half ago. Now she's not. I've had a few tentative conversations with my dad, but I'm dreading what is to come. (Thanks for your tips, Alicat, about Alzheimer's programs). </p> <p>VC, thank you for your detailed responses filled with positive suggestions! I saw a counselor once, when I had postnatal depression after my second child (again, I think the hormones were messed from that pregnancy!) and she offered similar suggestions. Maybe I need to get out the drawing board and start writing stuff down. :-)</p> <p>Una -- "big jugs" HAHAHAHAAA!! You always make me laugh out loud. I'm sure my thyroid is fine (I've had it checked a few times in the past when I've been feeling exhausted, and it's always OK) because there are other very good reasons for feeling tired, like (a) not sleeping enough and (b) still recovering from surgery. But if the tiredness persists past the six-month mark, and other factors are under control, I'll look into it, I promise. :-)</p> <p>Rae -- YES. My husband is in visual effects. The entertainment industry blows, but this show in particular has been insane. And for one reason or another, he has only had one proper holiday, a break of two weeks, in the past six years. This could be part of the problem! He's even more tired than me, but at least he's not going buggy with loneliness and cerebral atrophy, lol. He's got a three-week break coming up in May, though, and then a new show (with a new employer). Fingers crossed it's not a total clusterfuck like this one.</p> <p>Krishnidoux -- regarding hormone balance issues (I knew someone was going to mention that!) -- you're definitely right, there could be some changes happening, but my hormones were already messed up before the surgery, so it's hard to compare. I don't think my body ever recovered after my second pregnancy, to be honest. I grew that huge fibroid during the pregnancy (I found out about in during a routine amnio), and it never really went down, and by last year it had got even bigger and I had all kinds of bleeding issues, not to mention temperamental skin, recurrent rashes, wildly irregular cycles and ridiculous premenstrual swelling. A lot of that seems to be settling down. My skin is good, I haven't had a rash in a couple of months, and of course there's the added bonus of no longer looking four months pregnant, lol. I still appear to have an ovarian cycle, so I'm waiting to see if things settle into a "new normal". I'm not against taking hormones if I need them. And let's face it, I'm getting to the age of perimenopause anyway -- who knows how weird things would have been, even if I wasn't missing the upper part of my uterus. :-)</p> <p>Suz, that's a great idea about the single mom you shared meals with. I wish I had someone I could do that with! There's one mom I'm particularly good friends with who lives close by, but she ended up in a blended family with five kids (including two year old twins) and it's so nutty that every time I go over there, my kids beg to go home. It's more stressful than it's worth. A lot of the other moms I know through school are nice enough, but on the playground all they ever want to talk about is how useless their husbands are and the various prices of things at Costco, and I really can't relate. And there's my running partner, another mom, and she's a lovely, kindly person, but also a devout Mormon and I really can't have an honest discussion with her because her world view is so radically different from my own, and I can tell she's scandalized by half the things that come out of my mouth (and that's me trying to censor myself!). Anyway you get the idea. In a few years things may be different, but for now there are no good prospects....so back to the book club idea. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603514 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 04:06:06 +0000 Scarlet 603514@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That does sound really tough, Elisabeth. Other people can give much better advice than I can. I just wanted to express support. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603495 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 03:20:07 +0000 Anonymous 603495@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry life is weighing you down. No matter what life style a woman has I know of none that don't feel very lonely at times and often depressed. I don't know what you do physically but there is a saying "feeling down- move around, feeling great- meditate"</p> <p>Part of what you are going through is probably due to the change in hormones since the surgery. Even if you are taking hormones it may take some time to regulate them, and if you aren't taking them now maybe it would be something to check into. Hang in there it's just life. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603467 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 02:28:58 +0000 velvetychocolate 603467@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just checking in again, and wanted to add that even though I haven't done the SAHM thing totally (I did end up with three teen-aged stepkids when I got married though!), I *enjoy* going and spending time at my best friend's house. She has four kids, three are pretty young. We can't always manage to go out for dinner, just the two of us (we do it when we can), but even so, I have a lot of fun just sort of hanging out at her place. It doesn't matter if there are all kinds of interruptions/dramas/freak-outs. It adds to the joy, actually. I usually stop off at the grocery store to pick up fun snacks (I'll call her and ask if something I'm considering is ok for the kids). I also ask if there's anything she needs me to pick up, because organizing three kids into a mini van for a quick trip to the grocery store isn't exactly easy or quick. </p> <p>She provides really good coffee - french press coffee. House is a mess (sometimes a disaster zone, but this is normal!), kids running around, we get art shows, gymnastics, questions, all kinds of stuff. Thing is? I'm totally happy just hanging out, drinking coffee and chatting. </p> <p>I am posting this because I wanted to suggest just inviting someone over to hang out, even if the place isn't perfect, even if it's not "for dinner" or anything in particular. Just coffee or tea is all. My friend doesn't necessarily get out of the house, or get a break, but she does get at least some conversation, and we can laugh at the goings-on with the kids. I can hang out there for hours, sometimes I even help clean stuff while we're chatting away. Even though I don't know exactly what it's like to be a SAHM with little ones, I have eyes, and I can see what's going on. I just wanted to say that women 'get it' even if they aren't going through the exact same life-situation as you are. Don't be afraid to invite someone over (even a neighbour) for coffee or tea. No one expects you to 'entertain' and I'm willing to bet that there are people around who'd be happy to just come over and hang out for a little while. </p> <p>If you can't organize sitters/outings immediately, consider inviting someone over, and just not caring about whether the place is in showroom condition. I have stepped on crayons, had a bowl of Cheerios and milk dumped on my feet, witnessed all manner of dramatic melt-downs and chased toddlers down the street. Apparently, this is the price of a really good french-press coffee with a wonderful friend. It's definitely worth it. </p> <p>On the meantime, I really liked Suz's idea - a weekly dinner with another friend. One week, you cook, the next, she or he cooks. I know if I were doing something like that, I'd be looking forward to it, and trying to come up with something good to eat that night. I would also totally enjoy going to someone else's place for dinner and not having to fuss, cook or clean. I think this is a great idea that Suz shared. </p> <p>Hang in there! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603400 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 01:18:53 +0000 Deborah 603400@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You have received excellent advice so am really just sending you a hug and letting you know I am thinking of you.</p> <p>I do suggest you check in with your doctor though. As you know I had similar surgery in 2010 and I would agree that it can take 12 months to get back to normal, however by 6 months I was pretty good. I would must check hormone levels are ok and also your vitamin D and Iron are ok. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603379 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 00:50:16 +0000 Isabel 603379@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh boy, that is allot. </p> <p>A friend once said to me about being a stay at home mom, the days are endless but the years fly. Please be as involved in the children's school as possible. I felt like you ( not only did my parents need and still need help, but my only sibling is mentally disabled and I help with her too. ) But once the kids were both in school I volunteered for everything that I could. I ended up meeting wonderful women and being part of a wonderful small community and knowing the secretaries and so on. </p> <p>Find out if your parents qualify for Personal Care Attendants, PCAs through the state. Or if they could afford one themselves for a few hours a week. They may qualify for respite. This will be a tremendous load off of you. You could look into hiring a college student or an older high schooler as a mother's helper. If nothing else, she entertains the kids, takes them to the park while you read or call a friend. Or you all go to the beach, she watches them and you go for a walk or swim or just soak up the sun. Or while you volunteer at a library or museum for a couple of hours a week. It will be worth it pyschologically.</p> <p>And sometimes..we just need to be a little down for a while. Hang in there !!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603351 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 00:21:17 +0000 Fruitful 603351@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>(Edited my earlier post to protect online privacy)<br /> I reach out to you and hold your hand Elisabeth. We deserve support. We deserve to feel valued and honoured. We deserve to be allowed to have multiple facets. We deserve to be able to freely enjoy the uniqueness of this fleeting time, our hearts not beaten down by drudgery and isolation.</p> <p>I am with you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603269 Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:20:17 +0000 Jem 603269@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry that you are having a hard time. It's understandable that you feel trapped. I don't have anything to add to the wondering support and advice that the others have given but wanted to say that I was thinking of you, too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603258 Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:14:24 +0000 Anonymous 603258@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Elisabeth, you are doing some very hard, lonely, thankless work right now! I really feel your pain, but I promise you it will get better! I remember when I quit work to stay at home with my two. My husband is my best friend and he was gone for work most of each week. I was snowed in, with no internet, no cable TV and only the telephone to keep my sanity. Those days are all a blur now, because I was in a constant state of exhaustion from trying to do it all by myself. There is something so emotionally and physically draining about caring for children. I can't imagine doing all that while trying to heal from a major surgery. Also it's hard when a lot of your friends with children have their husbands home every night. Those were the loneliest times for me, because I didn't want to call and interrupt their family time. </p> <p>I know planning activities right now might take more energy than you can muster, but if you can just let one or two of your friends know what you're dealing with, maybe they will suggest you come over and have a glass of wine while your kids play together after supper some night. The days are getting longer, so maybe there will be more opportunities for interaction. Don't be afraid to reach out and let people know you're going through a rough time; your friends will make time for you when they realize what's going on. And that's what friends are for! Your virtual friends at YLF are here for you anytime. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603205 Tue, 24 Apr 2012 22:03:50 +0000 Anonymous 603205@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Big hugs to you. I'm not a mom, but I've been down the dementia road with my own mother. It's really important to get your ducks in a row now -- medical power of attorney, living will, etc., while your parents can still communicate their wishes. It's so, so important to know just where they are with their finances. (And I know well what an awkward conversation that is.) In my experience, the nicer care places were expensive beyond our wildest dreams -- my mom wound up having to sell her house to afford to move into one.</p> <p>If you're thinking about an assisted living situation in the future, look for one with different levels of care -- independent living, assisted living, and nursing home care, all in one facility -- so they can "age in place." The more demented your mom gets, the harder it will be to get her into one and the harder it will be for both your parents to adjust and make friends.</p> <p>If she wants to stay home as long as she can, check for options to give yourself and your dad a break -- for example, my YMCA has a program for early-onset Alzheimer's patients every Friday, so that their caretakers can have a break.</p> <p>My mom is gone now, but I still have copies of some of the resources I used -- guidelines on how to talk about money, how to talk about when to quit driving, etc. If you pm me I'd be happy to mail you some of that stuff.</p> <p>Again, big hugs! Things will get better.</p> <p>ETA: And one thing I know for sure: nobody has ever cared for aging parents perfectly. That's okay. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603172 Tue, 24 Apr 2012 21:31:33 +0000 Patty 603172@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I hear/feel ya Elisabeth----I can relate to your bravely worded letter. I have to admit to myself--"am there, doing that"--right down to my man being in the entertainment industry--the loneliness and the going crazzzzzzy!<br /> Take care! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603157 Tue, 24 Apr 2012 21:17:11 +0000 biscuitsmom 603157@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You've gotten great adivice and I really dont have much to add, other than check your County's Social Services. Even if they dont qualify for free help, they will be able to point you to Senior Services that are available in your area.... (((hugs))) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-havent-been-posting-much-heres-why#post-603155 Tue, 24 Apr 2012 21:14:37 +0000 Suz 603155@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Elizabeth. Big hugs. It sounds as if you are in a dark place now, and exhausted, and truly needing some support. As VC said, too many minus signs do not a happy woman make. You need a few plus signs to help you imagine a better future. </p> <p>I feel so fortunate to be married to someone whose work hours are usually quite flexible. But when we lived in Vancouver, we were actually a "commuter couple." He went back to Ontario from January until May every year to work, leaving my daughter and me alone. My daughter has some special needs and at that time was very high maintenance, and I was a full time student in a graduate program. Actually, being a student probably saved me, because even though I often worried about getting my work done, at least I did have an adult community. </p> <p>Following up on the pyramid babysitting idea - not identical but related - Another thing that saved me was an arrangement I came to with a good friend who was a single mom. </p> <p>Once a week, one of us would have the other over for a meal. In other words, she'd cook one week and I would cook the next. Our kids were close in age and got along, so they would play while she and I talked. </p> <p>It was brilliant. My daughter and I always looked forward to these nights. Close friends, good food, and not having to do all the work some of the time. It was nice to "spoil" my friend on the nights I cooked for her, too. She really needed support as well. Her mother was ill and she was really lonely without a partner. So it worked out well for all of us. </p> <p>I wonder if something like that could lighten your life right now, too? </p> <p>It WILL get better. I promise. Please let yourself rest, and don't give up. </p>