https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 27 Apr 2026 17:43:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-391361 Mon, 25 Jul 2011 15:28:33 +0000 Aziraphale 391361@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you, Ornella. You are so sweet. No apology necessary!</p> <p>Krishnidoux, if I'm honest, I don't know exactly how I did it. One day at a time, I guess. I mean, I do remember having that one day where I stopped and said, OK, that's enough, I've had enough, I want to get off this miserable ride! I think a lot of us have that moment. But I wasn't magically better after that epiphany. There were many false starts and setbacks. I imagine recovering from an eating disorder is a bit like quitting smoking or heroin. Sometimes you fall off the wagon. Except, if you're quitting a drug, you have to refrain from taking it, whereas when it's an eating disorder you have to do the opposite -- you have to force yourself to do it (eat), even if it makes you feel sick!</p> <p>Anyway, I think in the end what happened was a sort of ratcheting effect. Two steps forward and one step back still gets you there in the end. Like an ex-smoker, I tried to fill my life up with other things that didn't leave me room for indulging in the habit (i.e. thinking and worrying about food). And eventually I got to the point, several years later, where I no longer had to make an effort to stop thinking about it. I just wasn't thinking about it any more.</p> <p>How about you? How did you get through it? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-390640 Sat, 23 Jul 2011 23:21:09 +0000 Kyle 390640@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, of course I have these thoughts, but I try not to for all the reasons mentioned here. Making comparisons to anyone else, even my former self, is generally not positive or productive for me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-390593 Sat, 23 Jul 2011 22:21:02 +0000 krishnidoux 390593@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ornella, thank you so much for that link! I too have those thoughts.</p> <p>Just today walking down the streets swollen with exposed bodies of all kinds due to the heatwave, I was trying to come to terms with my 43 yr old body - as my teenage son candidly puts it, "One can tell you must have been pretty in your prime... just like grandma, she was pretty too, in her day. You know?" (ouch). </p> <p>On the other hand I don't want to be 20 yrs old, I'm quite happy with how my whole life is at 43!</p> <p>Elisabeth, I so much relate to your story. Same here. Academic. Later teacher too. Started womanhood on the wrong foot I think. But for me it was pulling myself out of it that was the real battle. It was one of the biggest battle of (and for) my life. How did you do it ? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-390570 Sat, 23 Jul 2011 21:51:16 +0000 taylor 390570@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As I approach my mid 50's it is not hard to look back..or even look at current photo's without a bit of shock! My body size hasn't changed...but my face sure has:(</p> <p>I surely like who I am so much better now...but like lynn, my butt got an awful lot of attention in it's youth...small yes, but very shal I say "bubbly" </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-390567 Sat, 23 Jul 2011 21:45:14 +0000 Janet 390567@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yep, I've caught myself looking at photos from 20 years ago, or high school, and slapped my head for all the griping I did back then about being "fat." </p> <p>But I don't tear myself down that way now, and I wouldn't trade anything away to have the looks I had back then. My self-esteem was in the crapper most of those years. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-390564 Sat, 23 Jul 2011 21:41:40 +0000 lynn 390564@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I had a great butt back in the day! Did I appreciate it? Of course not! I was too busy obsessing about how skinny my legs were. Now I think I look pretty good for my age but I can't stop the aging process on my skin. I try really hard to ignore it and enjoy today! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-390556 Sat, 23 Jul 2011 21:36:20 +0000 Ornella 390556@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>elisabeth, I have to apologize... I didn't mean it to come across as thinking there is room for embarrassment *at all*. In all honesty, I see it as complete opposite, I think we can say we had fully accepted and moved on from certain events only if they we share the experience so others can benefit from it.</p> <p>What moved me in your previous post is that you felt inspired enough to share your story.</p> <p>Also, I've been thinking a lot about one thing you said - how you were striving for perfection. The older I am, the more I see the 'perfection' itself as overrated. What is perfection, after all? Even if we allow that perfection, same as beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, I wonder if anyone had really reached the very perfection they were after and... stopped and... enjoyed *that* perfection. I have a feeling not, or very, very few have.</p> <p>Which brings me back to the quote Una posted. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-390273 Sat, 23 Jul 2011 04:42:21 +0000 Aziraphale 390273@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ornella, no problem. I'm not exactly embarrassed about having been anorexic -- it's more just that I look back and think, wow, what a waste of time and energy. But hey, I think most of us did a few idiotic things in the past that we regret! So I don't mind sharing. Sometimes it feels good to do so. It's a reminder of how far I've come.</p> <p>The one thing that the whole miserable experience did for me was teach me, at a fairly young age, to appreciate what I have. We've got one life, and it's short. But in terms of WHERE and WHEN we live, we've hit the jackpot. Can you imagine being a woman in Afghanistan today? Or a woman in Europe two hundred years ago? No thanks. So we can waste our short little lives sweating the small stuff, or we can let it go, and enjoy what we've got. I guess maybe that's why I'm sharing: because clearly you feel the same way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389993 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 19:43:17 +0000 Mo 389993@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm with Rae, it's more of a 'why did I think that looked good on me?!?' Apart from a few wrinkles, I'm told all the time I look just like I did in high school so I don't have a big feeling of transformation over the years really. I did have a few chubby years in my early 20's living the party life a bit too much, but eventually turned that ship around. I have a few not so great pics from late nights &gt;&lt; So now I can see my more clear headed pics and be happy to be in that place instead </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389990 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 19:41:01 +0000 catgirl 389990@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Patty: re-read my quote. The way you described yourself I was expecting some kind of an ogre - when I saw your photos, I was honestly amazed that you would even jokingly describe yourself so harshly! You are very attractive and I would love some of your HEIGHT! *waving from down below* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389989 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 19:34:17 +0000 Patty 389989@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"Do you ever find yourself thinking "I was so beautiful THEN..."<br /> Nope--still waiting for the time when I'll be decent looking. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389960 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 18:58:15 +0000 catgirl 389960@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My 21 year old cousin has this as her Facebook quote, and I think it's very appropriate:</p> <p>now and then, it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.<br /> [guillaume apollinaire] </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389955 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 18:50:58 +0000 CocoLion 389955@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think exactly those thoughts Ornela! "Why was I so hard on myself" is something I wonder. I was generally quite unhappy with myself on all fronts up until my late 40s. I hope it does not take others as long as it did me to find the self-acceptance Sveta talks about. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389941 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 18:33:37 +0000 catgirl 389941@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae (and others), some of you are young enough to know and appreciate that you are beautiful NOW and avoid this whole dilemma! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389940 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 18:29:09 +0000 rae 389940@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Moreso, I look back and wonder what I was thinking... lol. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389922 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 18:06:03 +0000 cora*♥* 389922@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If I see a picture of myself that has just been taken I just try to see if I look "pretty". But if the picture is already a bit old I can be more detached and appreciate it for the persons I'm with, the place, the moment, how happy or silly we look... or simply the fact that it portrays a "me" that doesn't exist anymore, this makes it really beautiful. I wish we weren't so quick with the delete button on today's digital cameras </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389903 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:42:35 +0000 Ornella 389903@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>One can always count on wonderful conversations here, but I always get goosebumps when I read some responses.</p> <p>elisabeth, I was so not ready for the novel All I can say is thank you for generously sharing your story, I am deeply humbled you felt inspired to write it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389888 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:17:11 +0000 Aziraphale 389888@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ornella, I've heard the "Wear Sunscreen" essay before; the class valedictorian used it one year at the high school where I used to teach. It's fantastic advice and I've never forgotten it. I searched for and printed out the essay shortly after hearing that valedictory speech.</p> <p>I had some struggles with body image as a young woman. I thought I was somewhat pretty, but not beautiful; I thought I was slender, but not slender enough; I was a perfectionist and a high academic achiever; I was good at most things I turned my hand to, and had come to expect instant success and gratification -- in short, it was the perfect formula for anorexia nervosa. Then I started university, where it seemed that everybody else was as clever as me, and it also seemed so much more important to do well, since "real life" was at the end of it all. The pressure was on. I then had two very rough years, probably because one way to avoid dealing with all the scary stuff about growing up was to distract myself by bullying my body into matching my idea of perfection. But the more I strove for perfection, the uglier I felt. </p> <p>Anyway, long story short, I eventually got to the point where I thought, this is stupid, I weigh 85 lbs and my life is falling apart -- clearly I can't keep this up forever! So I moved on. Part of that was accepting that neither my mind nor my body is perfect, but what I have is just fine. </p> <p>Interestingly, years later, in my late twenties, something happened that made me realize that, in terms of how attractive you are to others, looks have little to do with it -- it's mostly just confidence and, weirdly, word-of-mouth! Having built up confidence after achieving some measure of success in school, work, and just life in general, I was feeling pretty happy in my own skin. I still didn't feel particularly beautiful, but at that point I had self-assurance and style. Well, that year at school, another teacher told me that I was the new "hot teacher" (you know how there is always one) -- he'd heard some boys talking about it in class, and thought it was funny. I didn't look or act any different than I had the year before, but word went around (as it does in high schools) and suddenly other staff members were complimenting me on my face and figure. I realized that just the IDEA that someone is attractive is contagious. No one had ever said I was pretty before, but now that a group of teenaged boys had decided that I was appealing, everybody else jumped on the bandwagon as well. It was very much the mentality of "well, everybody else thinks she's attractive, so she must be attractive". It was very weird, but eye-opening. </p> <p>Later that year the valedictorian used that Baz Luhrmann speech, and it consolidated a lot of nebulous feelings about life that I'd already formed at that point. It really hit home.</p> <p>Sorry, I sort of wrote a novel here. I haven't talked about this in a long time, so it feels good to share. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389861 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 16:49:27 +0000 catgirl 389861@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This has been my mantra lately - I was showing someone my wedding pictures and couldn't believe how good I looked back then. And of course, I thought I was fat/ugly/blah blah at the time, and couldn't appreciate it. I also try to tell myself that 20 years from now I'll be saying the same thing about my present self!</p> <p>A friend with a terminal illness brought it home for me when he said "From here on out, every day I live is the best day of my life compared to what comes next." My 5 extra pounds are nothing compared to that reality. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389840 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 16:36:20 +0000 Beth 389840@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I look at photos and wonder why in the world I was lamb dressing as mutton! I also wonder why I didn't appreciate my skin. </p> <p>I completely hear you on your second conclusion. Which is why I try to enjoy every day as I figure in some ways this is the best I'm ever going to look:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389836 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 16:31:10 +0000 Sveta 389836@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>All the time, especially looking at my old pictures and remembering how I thought at the time that I looked awful there. Now I look at that 20-year old picture and cannot understand what I did not like then :-)<br /> I think some women are born with the gift of being confident in their looks from a very early age (my younger sister comes to mind :)) and others have to come to this through the age and experience (that's me for sure).<br /> Self-acceptance (not just in looks - in everything) is a path to happiness... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-do-you-ever-find-yourself-thinking-i-was-so-beautiful-then#post-389820 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 16:19:10 +0000 Ornella 389820@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>but I only know it NOW"? </p> <p>We've talked about feeling beautiful before, but I pondered about it a bit more, especially these days while, in the light of what I wrote in my last WIW, I had remembered many things from years ago. Amongst them I remembered what I looked like and how I felt about myself - then. And although I can't say I was UNhappy with what I looked like, I certainly was not at piece with my looks and did not accept my body the way I'd like to think I do now.</p> <p>This brings me to two inevitable conclusions - first one, that I had wasted too much time and energy avoiding the mirror for no good reason at all when, in fact, I was beautiful. As simple as that, no buts or ifs. Yes, I was thinner and younger, but that's not the reason. I was me, I looked like me, the only way I could and did look then, and with the objectiveness the time gives me I can say if I could look like that NOW, I'd be ecstatic.</p> <p>Which brings me to my second conclusion. In 20 years from today, I am very likely to think that this me as I am at the moment I'm writing, was/is also very beautiful. All the flaws I still see will be just as irrelevant, as they are to current me when I think of a 19-year old me.</p> <p>And... and... while thinking <em>I was not fat at all</em>, a song came to my head... of course, someone else had said all this before... <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmAReOklwNY">it's 7 minutes long</a> but well worth your time. </p>