https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 09:07:34 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female/page/2#post-369666 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 19:20:59 +0000 RoseandJoan 369666@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Although married I still value my independence and I'm quite happy to dine alone when the occasion arises (usually travelling to visit family) or through work. I am quite happy in my own company in general though. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female/page/2#post-369629 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 17:31:53 +0000 biscuitsmom 369629@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I used to (about 10-15 yrs ago) travel cross-country by Greyhound Bus quite often (3-5 times a yr) almost always alone and never felt unsafe or uneasy going places alone...it was fun being at my own pace and going where I wanted to. But now that I need a cane or walker I am much more insecure and feel conspicuous whenever I go out, either alone or with DH, especially the times I need to use my walker </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female/page/2#post-369614 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 16:51:23 +0000 Janet 369614@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have never had an issue with going out alone, dining alone, or even traveling alone. Maybe because I grew up almost as an only child (my sister is 10 years older than me and married and moved out when she was 19 and I was 9), I've always been quite comfortable with quiet and solitude. So much so that I spent two months last year driving across the country by myself with only rare moments of homesickness -- my husband flew out and met up with me in Oregon and again in Colorado, which was very, very welcomed after so much solitude! </p> <p>I travel a lot by myself for photography trips, because I prefer to be immersed in that activity without worrying about someone else being bothered by my odd hours or my need to spend two hours taking pictures in an junkyard. Because of that, I've learned to enjoy solo experiences as much as I do ones with my husband or family and friends, just in a different way. </p> <p>Movies, restaurants, museums, concerts, hiking trails... I've done all kinds of things by myself. I was also single well into my thirties, so I decided long ago that I was not going to miss out on seeing a band I liked, visiting a destination, or eating some good food just because no one was available to join me. </p> <p>Sometimes I will chat with strangers, and I always enjoy meeting new people, but I'm pretty good at sending "unavailable" vibes to fend off unwanted attention. It helps that I almost always have a book, magazine, or iPad to bury my nose in. </p> <p>I don't fear for my safety because I generally frequent populated places, don't get drunk, and keep my wits about me. Growing up spending a lot of time in Baltimore city, I learned to walk purposefully and be alert. I'm not paranoid, but I pay attention to my gut instincts, and they've always served me well. </p> <p>Lyn, bookstores are the best! That's where I met my husband! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female/page/2#post-369590 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 15:59:07 +0000 nicoleb 369590@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've never been to a bar or restaurant by myself. Um, I'm...really trying hard not to sound conceited here...but i get hit on and approached by people when i'm out with friends and even sometimes just my husband. When i'm alone and going about my daily tasks. So...I just have always felt that going to a bar or even restaurant alone would be just kind of asking for it. Not that it is! I just don't want to take a chance i guess? I've just had too many creepy experiences. </p> <p>I hope that sounded ok! Eeee....awkward. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369548 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 13:44:14 +0000 yublocka 369548@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it feels less awkward when you are travelling, or not in your home city. Then, you wouldn't necessaily expect to have company. When at home I have no problem going out for brekky or lunch alone, but never go to dinner alone. I did go and see a band I really wanted to see that no one else did once by myself, and it was quite empowering. Company is always nice though. Does that make me hypocritical? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369495 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 09:12:39 +0000 Irene 369495@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I wouldn't go for a drink alone in the middle of the night, but having lunch at a fast-food restaurant, or a nice coffee... yes! And with a great book to keep me busy I remember last year when I was abroad, and I would go with my flatmates to the residence restaurant for dinner every night. Somehow, some days they couldn't come with me, or they went earlier, so I'd go on my own and sat alone. It actually felt nice, being surrounded by people yet doing your own thing -reading for uni, in my case. But I think that was because I WANTED to be on my own, and I was not forced to.</p> <p>PD: If you go alone to a bar dressed for clubbing, it will give another message. Mind you, that shouldn't necessarily be bad... depends on what you're looking for! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369436 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 04:59:17 +0000 Scarlet 369436@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think that the biggest issue is probably at some level going out alone means you don't have someone to go with and being okay with that. When I moved to a new state and didn't know anyone I used to go to the movies alone sometimes. I felt self-concious at first, but then I realized it can be quite enjoyable. When traveling I have had some very enjoyable meals alone. I ate lunch in a beautiful restaurant in Zurich because if I was there, gosh darn-it, I wanted to try some good Swiss food. It was so funny because shortly thereafter another single woman about my age sat down at the table next to mine. After reading this thread I think maybe the next time DH is out of town I will consider going by myself to eat at the bar. I love sitting at the bar to eat, but he doesn't like it. I think a book and the right attitude will preserve my virtue :)</p> <p>Claudia--what you wrote reminds me of a story I overheard from my Dad when I was a kid. He traveled a lot for business and was out for a drink with a naive colleague. His colleague was apparently completely charmed by this woman at the bar. They were deep in conversation. He asked her, "What do you do for a living?" and she answered "Oh, I come here to augment my income." And the guy was totally confused. I remember this story because it was the first time I heard the word "augment" and was trying to decide what this could mean. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369424 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 04:12:34 +0000 Refugee 369424@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As far as your Mom goes, it could be a miriad of reasons that she is uncomfortable going out alone. I cannot imagine my mom going out alone even to a coffee shop or teahouse in the middle of the afternoon. It's just not her. I, on the other hand, do not give it a second thought to going out alone. Go have your bugrer and enjoy the food and the possible interesting conversations that can happen with the people around you when you are sitting at the bar alone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369423 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 03:58:09 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 369423@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am one of the people who don't like to go to a restaurant alone. It isn't for safety or security reasons. I just feel conspicuous sitting alone eating. When dining out, much of the enjoyment comes from the company. Without company, eating just becomes a necessity rather than entertainment.</p> <p>I'm heading to Ottawa for the week tomorrow. I will have company most nights but suspect I will either order in Greek food or just have snacks on the night or two that I don't have a dinner companion. Or perhaps I will go to Rideau mall and see what shops they have that we do not. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369405 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 02:46:47 +0000 Mo 369405@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Taylor, perhaps if she was living in a bigger city. She (and my whole family) is from LA and so Tahoe is small potatoes by comparison lol. I think it's a sense of appropriateness (for lack of a better word) for her. Last year, she did go to have a drink at a bar overlooking the lake at the end of a pier while I was at the dentist nearby, I just went in with her and got her seated and then went to my appt. She went to the casino dance club with me and some friends after shift even ( a few years back on a visit). But I think for some reason going alone to her is wrong on some level. Don't quite know *what* exactly it is that is wrong . . . but I don't think it's physical safety. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369403 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 02:38:39 +0000 taylor 369403@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mo, do you think your mom may feel a bit vulnerable as she gets older...crime wise. I think of things like that all the time when I am out alone...guarding my handbag...not wearing too much jewelry.... after my children scolded me...because of the price of gold and by merely being a woman? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369397 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 02:33:37 +0000 Mo 369397@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lyn - ha! At least he's more likely to be literate than obliterated ;)<br /> I know it's not all about whether you appear to be there to be 'picked up' or not. The other parts of the equation are confidence and/or whether it's an age related idea (my mom's flat refusal to go out alone anymore). I must admit I do so less often with each decade. Not sure if that's because I just don't go out as much overall anymore or if I'm slowly edging toward my mom's side of things [gasp]! I am not single and so maybe I take for granted that some of the advantage of being coupled is having a standing date and no real need to go by myself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369385 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 02:05:55 +0000 Sally 369385@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I used to travel a lot on my own and if I wanted to go somewhere nice to eat, often had to do it alone. Similarly I have been to the movies and the bar/pub by myself. I must say I did worry about the perception in a bar and that people would think I was trolling, but I have never had any hassle. I always take a book or magazine anyway.<br /> My friend thought I was being picked up last week in the supermarket with my 5 year old son so maybe anywhere is a pick up opportunity these days! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369384 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 01:55:06 +0000 lyn* 369384@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I find service gets really confused when I am alone. "Are you waiting for someone?" No. It's just me. "Too bad your friend stood you up." No, I planned on coming by myself...</p> <p>I only troll for men in bookstores </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369380 Sun, 19 Jun 2011 01:35:05 +0000 afterism 369380@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am happy going to a movie on my own. I enjoy foreign language &amp; indie movies as well as the more popular blockbuster types. This means that nobody wants to go with me. </p> <p>Dining out alone can be akward because nobody else is alone. I usually take a book in case I get bored bt don't always need it. I find the service is better when I am alone. Probably to get me out the door sooner so they can fill the table. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369361 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 23:18:55 +0000 greenglove 369361@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love to go out to eat alone and would do it at any kind of restaurant.<br /> I am too old to look like I am trolling and would usually have a book or magazine.</p> <p>I do it often in London when hubby is at some play I do not want to see, love to talk to people in other parts- pubs are the best places in London- do not feel weird at all. It is usually at a decent hour- I would not go late at night alone to any bar but that is just common sense. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369356 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 22:54:43 +0000 Maya 369356@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't disbelieve that there are women who are hoping to meet someone, nor do I believe they're all seeking a one night stand, nor am I judging in any case. I just think it's sad that it's ASSUMED that a woman cannot be comfortable by herself in a public venue. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369330 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 22:16:25 +0000 Mo 369330@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I must admit I didn't get down there for lunch today. Mostly due to bad time management on my part! But I did get in 12 miles on my exercise bike in place of that burger.<br /> I will have to now pay particular attention to what others' responses are to me when I do go, though. I tend to send out a stay away vibe and subconsciously avoid eye contact. Even when cocktailing I was never the gal that got groped - my vibe must have said "don't even try it". So next time I have a solo lunch I'll have to look around a bit more and see what reactions are :)</p> <p>EDIT: and I think it may be interesting to note the different reactions in smaller towns vs. metropolitan cities. I've a feeling in a city you blend into the mass throng a bit easier. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369325 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 22:10:32 +0000 taylor 369325@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Claudia had some GREAT advice.<br /> I have honestly NEVER dined out alone...I think that might be a shame on my part. For some reason I have always preferred the company I guess. If I traveled for work i would follow Claudia's guidelines...some of your common sense practices hadn't occurred to me until I read them! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369319 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 22:02:09 +0000 annagybe 369319@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I often eat at the bar alone in restaurants. I like talking to bartender and overhearing other conversations. I've never had anyone try and pick me up either though.<br /> Had one enjoyable evening at a fancy fusion Asian restaurant downtown listening to obviously mismatched first date next to me.<br /> Plus when I'm by myself I feel less alone at the bar than if I had an entire table to myself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369318 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 22:02:08 +0000 Steph 369318@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have definitely gone to a restaurant, sat at the bar, and ordered food and drink while alone. I have to admit that there have been times when I have done so, looked around, seen a couple of single men, and thought "what's wrong with me? Why is no one trying to pick me up at a bar? I'm here alone!" Note that I am in a very long-term relationship, so I don't have any interest in actually going out with anyone. But to me, there's nothing wrong with someone showing some interest to remind you that you still have it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369291 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 21:18:44 +0000 Kristine 369291@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would go Mo. You're just going for a hamburger and a beer, it shouldn't be an issue. I would never imagine a woman having a hamburger and a beer was trolling for men. Plus at the bar you can make some conversation with the bartender if you want. </p> <p>I was on a solo vacation last week and, even though I've done lots of things alone, it was the first time I sat down in a nice restaurant and ate by myself. It wasn't bad and the food arrived very quickly, probably because there wasn't a whole table to prepare. It wouldn't be my choice to eat alone every time but I thought it was kind of fun. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369251 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 20:17:44 +0000 Claudia 369251@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Right, Mo. I have spent enough time in the restaurants and bars of expensive hotels to see men away from home on a company financed business trip taking the opportunity to "play" while in town. Also, because of this fact, hookers gravitate to these settings, and they are most often beautifully dressed and groomed, or else management would immediately pick them out and have them leave. Unless these women had originally been pointed out to me I wouldn't have guessed that they were there conducting their type of business. Some men just assume that a woman alone is there for that purpose, or just looking for the same type action as they are. Yeah, it's sad, but that's the truth. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369231 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 20:00:22 +0000 Mo 369231@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maya, interestingly guys will usually pair up for this activity (trolling). My BF had one particular friend that would go out with him only for about the first hour until he found a gal to talk to and then ditch him for the night. My BF constantly bemoans the average guy's 'purpose driven' night out. They are looking for ladies 90% of the time when my BF was just wanting to go out and have fun with the guys.<br /> Anyway, I'm sure my 20 years of working in a bar has my radar fine tuned I don't think of a gal alone as trolling, but as Claudia pointed out, some people do and even eye contact is seen as a go ahead signal, or others feel maybe wearing a fake ring of committment, as Kate mentioned,will ward off unwanted attention. There's no denying that some people see it differently than you or I might. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369223 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:53:15 +0000 Maya 369223@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very interesting question.</p> <p>I will absolutely see movies alone. I never understood the value in seeing movies with others in general. I don't mind it, but I also don't see the point. You can't talk or anything or interact (well, I suppose you could if it's a date, but it has been years since I have been on one of those, and even then I'd rather focus on the movie). No wonder it always requires a supplement (dinner, drinks, coffee, etc).</p> <p>I have to admit that while I am much more comfortable being alone than most people are, there is something awkward about being alone in a restaurant. I can't speak about bars since I feel uncomfortable in them no matter what, but something about going out to dinner just feels off to me and I can't quite place why, especially since I eat lunch alone just about every day when I work. I guess it depends on what the reason for going out is. When I go out to eat, it's for company and conversation...not really for the food. So I guess for me there is no point in going out to eat if I'm going by myself. If it's just for food, I'd much rather go to a casual little cafe or deli or somewhere without waiter service.</p> <p>It never once occurred to me, though, that this could be interpreted as "trolling for men." It's really sad to me that in this day and age women can't seem to exist and go about their lives independently of their relationship status. Would anyone accuse a man eating out alone of "trolling for women?" </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369213 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:29:30 +0000 Claudia 369213@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I often traveled alone to major cities and stayed in nice hotels on business for many years in my 30's and 40's. Here's how I handled it and what I learned. I tended not to sit alone at the bar if I wanted to keep to myself, but sat at a table. Bars invite drink buying and social contact. Sometimes I'd bring a magazine with me so I wasn't staring into space, but usually not. I learned that if I gave off a vibe that I didn't want to be approached, I was usually left alone, but if I made some eye contact and looked like I was possibly open to company, that could invite unwanted attention.</p> <p>The first few times I traveled alone, I was uncomfortable being out by myself, but soon got use to it. I even had some solo business trips to Europe in places were English wasn't spoken. It was an empowering experience, especially because I got married very young and until my divorce, was always part of a couple. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369212 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:19:46 +0000 Mo 369212@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting answers! I should clarify that I have no issue with going out alone, to a bar or wherever, but it occurs to me some do and that others still have a notion about it! I used to go to the dance club in the casino late at night in my early 20's by myself. My BF at the time was a hippie who had no interest in hours spent on the dancefloor listening to pop music. So I would kiss him goodnight and hop on the bus, to return around 3 am and crawl into bed. Not sure I would go to the dance club alone at over 40 . . . or that my current BF would approve!! But yeah, a drink or a meal is no problem for me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369211 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:17:51 +0000 Jenava 369211@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>MaryK, yes, exactly. "trolling for men" (i.e. "hoping to meet someone") certainly doesn't mean "willing to have sex with strangers", although I think perhaps some men would like to think the two are equivalent. Ugh. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369210 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:15:07 +0000 MsMary 369210@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think anybody who travels for business gets over the fear of dining out alone PDQ. It's either that, or survive on room service, which gets old pretty quick! I will definitely take myself out of a nice meal alone if the mood strikes me!</p> <p>I also go to the movies by myself, although I do like to avoid Friday/Saturday date night, if only because it's more crowded and more expensive.</p> <p>And when DH was working in NYC a couple of years ago, I went to all kinds of touristy things by myself, from museums to walking tours to Broadway shows. It was awesome and I met a lot of great people in the process!</p> <p>And honestly, it's never occurred to me that anybody might think I was "trolling for men" anywhere, ever. Although if I were, it's not clear to me that there would be anything wrong with that. Isn't "trolling for men" just another (pejorative, anti-female) way of saying "hoping to meet somebody?" And isn't that a perfectly legitimate thing to be doing in a public place? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dining-or-going-out-alone-as-a-female#post-369207 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:12:09 +0000 Jenava 369207@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maybe your mom is worried about appearing lonely sitting by herself? Maybe she would, in fact, feel more lonely sitting by herself in a crowded bar than sitting at home by herself?</p> <p>Personally, I don't think anything at all of a someone of any gender out by themselves anywhere. I think there are some people who will hit on a woman who is alone no matter where they are, no matter what they are wearing (ring or no), and no matter the day of week or time of day. But, changing your behavior because of these predators just seems wrong to me! You certainly should be allowed to wear what you are comfortable wearing and go wherever you want whenever you want! </p>