https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 22 Apr 2026 21:04:54 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief/page/2#post-604143 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 21:18:49 +0000 Inge 604143@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Big hugs, Kirti. I am so sorry for your loss. Being so far away does make it even harder. I'm glad you received so many helpful suggestions. Please take care of yourself and take all the time you need to grieve and remember your sweet grandfather. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief/page/2#post-604078 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 20:01:02 +0000 Sheila 604078@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just another hug coming to you from Seattle...losing someone you love is tough but you CAN survive by doing just the kinds of things everyone else has recommended. </p> <p>Love is a beautiful thing, isn't it? Our memories of those we have loved will exist long after those we loved have passed on. Hope is an important part of the equation, I believe, and gratitude for the rich experiences we had with our loved one. And hope is possible when we see that we have something beautiful to pass on to those around us -- love, kindness, sweetness, and grace. Blessings on you, my friend. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief/page/2#post-603175 Tue, 24 Apr 2012 21:33:29 +0000 biscuitsmom 603175@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Im so sorry for your loss... its never easy losing someone you love and every loss is different. Just take time and realize grief comes in waves, or stages.... when my Dad died from cancer, he had been so ill it was almost a relief to have his and our pain over, yet when my Mom died (also from cancer, we had less than a week of knowing) so shock mixed with grief for a very long time... it does eventually get somewhat easier, but the hole is never really healed </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief/page/2#post-601979 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:01:13 +0000 Anonymous 601979@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Do give yourself permission and time to grieve. Living so far away from home makes it doubly bad, I know. I was not living anywhere close to home when I lost my aunts and later my father. When I got word that my father was not expected to make it, I caught the next flight home and arrived at my sister's house in the evening. She was going to take me to see him the following morning, but he passed away during the night and I didn't get to see him that last time. While I had seen him each and every year (we always took trips home once a year to see our parents), I still felt guilty for not being with him when he died. I did come to terms with it, but it wasn't easy. At least I was able to attend and play piano for the funeral. I think he would have liked the fact that his daugher played rather than a stranger.</p> <p>At any rate, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know exactly what you're going through! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief/page/2#post-601968 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 14:51:18 +0000 Kirti 601968@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks again for the comments. I have taken all your advice to heart, pulling out my wedding albums and looking at photos of my grandfather, talking to my mom, aunt and hubs about him and letting myself cry when I feel like it. I am still coming to terms with it, but I couldn't have done it without your comments. Thank you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief/page/2#post-601734 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 02:09:45 +0000 Isabel 601734@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti, I am so sorry . It is very difficult. I believe that their is a whole other aspect when you are not there. Almost a disbelief. ( I lived in a different country from my grandparents. ) It is very hard to be feeling so overwhelmed and have no one else physically present who is experiencing the loss similarly. I think that you feel especially isolated.</p> <p>With that said, I agree with Claudia and the others. Let yourself feel it. Talk to him. His spirit still exhists, in my opinion. It is a very uncomfortable feeling but it is the depth of your love in your turmoil.</p> <p>My sympathies. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief/page/2#post-601699 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:59:29 +0000 goldenpig 601699@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Big hugs Kirti, I'm sorry for your loss. Give yourself time and permission to grieve in your own way. Lots of comforting thoughts headed your way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief/page/2#post-601686 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:51:02 +0000 Deborah 601686@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti, hugs and prayers going out to you.</p> <p>We all grieve in our own way, but when my dad passed away we gave ourselves permission to simply experience our grief. I remember my mum and I crying together at the local department store while we were choosing some music for the funeral. </p> <p>Hubby sounds very understanding and supportive, so given you can't be with you family right now, allow him that support role and do share your thoughts and feeling with him as I think that will be a great source of comfort to you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601665 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:30:51 +0000 missvee 601665@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I know I'm late chiming in but I'm sorry for your loss. I was about 13 when my grandmother died, and like you I hadn't experienced death before. I remember being so surprised that she had really gone and it made me feel very uneasy for a long time afterward. You've had some good advice from the other posters to allow your grief to come out, to talk about your grandmother and what she meant to you, and to be extra kind to yourself. We all understand the cycle of life, but it's hard when it hits close to home. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601441 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 18:26:43 +0000 Meredith1953 601441@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti,<br /> I am so sorry you lost your grandfather. I lost a grandmother I was very close to in 2001 and then the next year I lost my father who my whole family adored. It was a very dark time emotionally for me trying to feel the grief but not let it keep me from other duties and responsibilities I had. Work was kind of my salvation for putting aside the grief for awhile. My mother has moved to my town (where my sisters live also) and we take joy in the relationships we still have. Much of the pain has subsided but not all of it. Now we try to focus on all the wonderful memories. We talk about "Babs" (my mom's mom) and "Daddy" as if they were just in another room. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601311 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 16:26:05 +0000 Diana 601311@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>((Hugs)) The others have already given all the advice (and much more, in fact) that I would be able to give, but I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601246 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 14:20:25 +0000 nancylee 601246@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss, Kirti. My father died very suddenly (and too young) 12+ years ago, and the grief and shock was overwhelming. Grief is such an unpredictable emotion. It tends to rise up and catch you by surprise sometimes....just when you think you're doing "ok." And everyone grieves differently. </p> <p>Be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve for as long as you need. There is no time limit and there are no rules. Sending you love and a big hug. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601196 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 12:44:57 +0000 Sveta 601196@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti, hugs! I am so sorry for your loss!<br /> You going through a hard time and the only thing which will help you is time. I have lost my favorite grandmother when I was close to your age (26). I remember having mixed feelings at that time. She had cancer and was suffering immensely for the last year of her life. It was so hard to see her suffer and have no means to ease her pain that on one hand her death came as a relief, knowing that she is at peace at last and does not feel this excruciating pain anymore. Then the next moment I would remember her face or some episodes from my childhood with her and would be all in tears. Having my family around helped a lot as well - we talked and shared memories and it seemed to ease the pain. But in the end it is time that heals...<br /> Hugs again and don't try to suppress your grief, it should help to heal faster. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601184 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 11:56:12 +0000 Fruitful 601184@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti, I'm so sorry you've lost your Grandpa.</p> <p>I believe ritual is a human need, especially at times of crisis (why rites of passage are universal). This is a passage, both for him and for you.</p> <p>When my grandfather died about 6 years ago, we had to drive 1.5 hours on a hot day, view the body, drive to the church, drive to the cemetery, drive to the wake, drive to Auntie's house, and drive back home. Although the sharing of memories and tears and laughter and hugs, and the very humanising sharing of food, were all precious, an important part of the process was all that "doing". By the end of the day we were exhausted, emotionally and physically drained. Yet also a little lighter for it.</p> <p>After driving home we sat on our verandah with my then 2 year old, talking, and just surrendering to the beauty around us. Dusk was coming, and although we usually don't see them, a possum appeared on a telephone cable. My little one was very excited. As decimating as the day had been there was space for hope, and relief, and love of life.</p> <p>I believe the ritual, the sharing, but also the fatiguing work, of a funeral is cathartic. Because you are separated physically from your grieving loved ones, it may be important for you to find a creative way to connect with them and participate in ritual. I love VelvetyChocolate's suggestions and think they could be a great way for you to do this. I'm glad you've got your DH with you; he must be a great support.</p> <p>{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}} </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601174 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 11:16:34 +0000 Mona 601174@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601171 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 10:52:38 +0000 Kirti 601171@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you all for your lovely comments. All your kind words and hugs and advice have really helped me feel like it is normal to feel this way. I'm sure it will dull with time, but right now when my mom and grandmom are so far away, I am feeling lost and sad and it is really good to have friends like you all that I can share it with. Hubs has been a great support too. </p> <p>Again, thank you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601154 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 07:45:50 +0000 Anonymous 601154@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Kirti,<br /> I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I am glad you have your husband supporting you. I think grieving is a process, you have to allow yourself to feel this way. I'm sending you a million hugs. Hang in there. My deepest condolences to you and your loved ones. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601151 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 07:25:16 +0000 AJ 601151@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti, my condolences to you and your family. As others have mentioned, I find it very helpful to share and hear memories with family members and friends. Please allow yourself to grieve as long as you need to. Big hugs to you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601109 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 05:05:47 +0000 ManidipaM 601109@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry, Kirti.</p> <p>Glad you did choose to share, because I know the feeling and it was so hard when my grandmother passed away to not have anyone I could remember her with or to. 'To' helps too, as others have said --- feel free to talk about him. That acknowledgement of what you have lost and what you had already gained of him is an important and crucial step.</p> <p>Like others have said, I too found it more useful to acknowledge and engage with the memories and mementos than to try to 'get over it'. And you'll find you have ones you barely knew you had --- hence the waves of grief... Suddenly you see a colour or a shape, and a barely formed memory triggers...! </p> <p>It IS hard, of course, and very painful --- but in some ways, like getting stitches in the surgery, it all helps you heal, cementing the past you shared with him to the future you won't. It's as though a nascent part of the brain kicks in, realizing before you consciously do that opportunities for building more memory around this person are vanishing, and tries to consolidate the existing memories by attaching it to seemingly random things in the present, even to future plans. Actively sorting through old memories, photographs, keepsakes seems to help with that.</p> <p>I wish you peace and time and rest in your grief. The worst thing I know of being plagued with in a bereavement is stress and lack of leisure that short-circuits the healing. So make sure you take any time and help, company and solitude you're offered. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601088 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 04:12:16 +0000 Anonymous 601088@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti, big hugs! It sound like you are not just dealing with grief, but with homesickness as well--a double whammy! I'm glad you have your DH and he is doing his best to cheer you up. Be patient with him; he might not understand how you feel, but it's so sweet that he's trying to make it all better for you (even though he really can't). You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601085 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 04:06:53 +0000 Debora 601085@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti, I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with what the others said, and I know it must be especially hard for you being so far away. Take the time you need to grieve, remember the good times, and know that you are in our thoughts. Hugs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601081 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 03:53:28 +0000 Anonymous 601081@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Many hugs, Kirti. Having lost all my grandparents, my parents, and some very dear aunts and friends, it's hard. Even when you know that someday you will see them again, you want them now. It's helped me to know that they are in a far better place, happy and free from pain and disease. It's also comforting to me to "talk" to them when I need to. May you have many wonderful memories. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-601060 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 03:10:22 +0000 velvetychocolate 601060@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Grandpa - and I wanted to say that I know what it's like to be far from home when something like this happens. </p> <p>Last Februrary, one of my Grandmas passed away, and there was just no way I could get to the funeral. In the meantime, I also experienced a level of sadness that seemed huge and overwhelming, even though my Grandma had been dealing with long-standing Alzheimers and/or dementia, and had been living in a long-term-care facility for about a decade. </p> <p>It was supposedly 'expected', but it still hurt a whole lot. </p> <p>The only advice I can give you is that it might be really worth your while to write a poem or a story to be read at your Grandpa's service. </p> <p>I think it's important to be able to share memories with the rest of your family, and if you can't be there in person, then writing something - whether it's read at the memorial service/funeral, or just shared with close family members - this will go a long, long way to feeling connected and it also helps you find a way to explain to everyone else just how much your Grandpa meant to you. </p> <p>Like I said, I couldn't be there when my Grandma passed away, but what I did is gather up all kinds of photographs on my computer, turned them into a slide show (just for myself), and I then found all of her favourite songs/music on You Tube - I listened to her favorite songs, looked at lots of photos and ended up writing something that was read at her funeral/memorial service. I got a phone call, mid-way through her service, and it was my Mom, saying that everyone loved what I wrote and that they had gotten to know my Grandma through my eyes, that everyone was crying and they thought that what I had written was beautiful. </p> <p>I guess what I'm saying is that it's time to share with the rest of your family how much your Grandpa meant to you - and that by telling your own stories and sharing your memories, you are bringing him to life in a way that only you can do. It'll turn out that you have some memories and experiences about your Grandpa that no one else has, and I'm certain that the rest of your family would *love* to hear these things, even if you can't be there in person. </p> <p>Sending some really big hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-600881 Sat, 21 Apr 2012 21:21:21 +0000 Suz 600881@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti, I'm so sorry. BIG hugs. </p> <p>As others have said, the best and really the only thing to do is acknowledge your feelings and live through them. Grief always seems to go in waves, and that sense you have of sometimes being perfectly okay and other times being shockingly raw and vulnerable may continue for a while. But it is actually a very healthy process. You are not broken, and someday you will be able to think of him without the sting. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-600876 Sat, 21 Apr 2012 21:14:29 +0000 Janet 600876@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>P.S. I also wanted to say how lucky so many of you are to have known your grandparents, even with as hard as it is to lose them. My parents were older when they had me, so all of my grandparents were already gone when i was born, except for my mother's mother, who died when I was three, so I have literally no memories of grandparents at all. I count my blessings every day for having had my parents for as long as I had them. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-600850 Sat, 21 Apr 2012 20:13:12 +0000 harmonica 600850@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! Allow yourself to grieve as you need. Cry, write, talk, read litterature, visit galleries, paint, draw, make photoes - these are all things that may help you in this process. The loss won't disappear, but it gets easier time by time (though there are no schedule for how long it takes - may come in heaps, then get better, then grieving time over again). Since you are far away from home and your family, hold on and include your husband in your grief. And stay in touch with your family by scype or e-mail if possible. Your grief is your love for your grandfather. Take care! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-600838 Sat, 21 Apr 2012 19:29:05 +0000 Louise 600838@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>(((hugs))) x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-600808 Sat, 21 Apr 2012 18:56:36 +0000 catgirl 600808@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kirti, I am so sorry for your loss. My grandfather moved from India to live with us in the US, but he went back to India for a visit, got ill, and died there. The hardest thing for me was even accepting that he was gone. It just seemed like he was taking a really long time to come back from his trip. </p> <p>Please let yourself grieve as needed. It is not easy but it is a process that can't be cut short. I hope you're talking to your family and consoling each other too. Tell your husband stories about your grandfather or write them down for yourself. Look at photos. Relive good memories. It will get a little easier with time, I promise. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-600800 Sat, 21 Apr 2012 18:49:46 +0000 cheryl 600800@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending hugs your way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-dealing-with-grief#post-600730 Sat, 21 Apr 2012 17:03:53 +0000 HelenInCanada 600730@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so sorry to hear about your loss, Kirti. Grieve for as long as you need to...it's still so early, of course you will be feeling very sad. No rush to bop around. Take your time - and you are fortunate to have a supportive DH there with you. If you're able to call home daily, do so. I lost all of my grandparents - although only one (my grandma on my father's side) was I very close to. I understand it hurts! All the best. </p>