https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 08 May 2026 16:52:54 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions/page/2#post-107402 Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:11:26 +0000 Alecia 107402@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I don't have much else to add in terms of advice. But I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I am so glad you feel comfortable in the support network the forum can be. We are here for you. And do please take care of yourself. You can't effectively help anyone else if you don't. Hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions/page/2#post-107279 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:02:40 +0000 Anonymous 107279@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>More hugs and wishes to support you in any way that I can.<br /> I don't have any experience with these problems but some relatives do. This time of year is especially hard with family connections and the added burden of less sunlight. From what I've seen, you want lots of bright light in your apartment.<br /> One relative has a spouse that is very depressed, suicidal, and low self esteem. What helps this person most is attending and active involvement in several 12-step groups several times a week. The depressed person is very intelligent and feels helpful to others at these meetings...someone needs their encouragement, etc.<br /> Anyway, it may be an idea Corey could explore and find where he is needed, especially if he has time on his hands. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions/page/2#post-107273 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:42:32 +0000 Sihaya 107273@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle - You are so a role model in so many, many ways. Please take care of yourself. I would encourage you to look into at least a few therapy sessions for you and/or couples counseling to deal with some of the issues that are coming up. I know several people dealing with varying degrees of mental illness. This is very tough since there are so many schools of thought and in my opinion, really poor support from the government/policy arena. My biggest suggestion would be to find a therapist he connects with - unfortunately there are a lot of bad therapists out there and several who are qualified but may not have the right chemistry. If he likes his current therapist and wants her to push him more, he needs to ask for that and see what happens. The therapist might be able to take the lead from him and do exactly that or that might not be in her approach. </p> <p>Big hugs to you. Please let me know what else I can do to help support you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions/page/2#post-107186 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:49:14 +0000 LoP 107186@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michele! I just read this and don't know what else to add. You're amazing and have admirable strength to care and love this much. You deserve all the support.</p> <p>I don't have any experience with depression, but I heard of some support groups for families who lost their loved ones to cancer. Have you tried finding one in your area? Sounds like it's been a long time already and it might not help directly. However, you might get some advice through those families as well. I know first hand that watching your mom/dad die of cancer could be traumatic. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions/page/2#post-107172 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:34:18 +0000 velvetychocolate 107172@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I hope you and your partner will be able to turn the corner - and I really believe it can be done. </p> <p>There is something to be said for getting away from 'all depression, all the time'. This isn't to say that you don't want to address the issues, and of course he will still need help and counseling - it's just that there's also just getting out of the quicksand. Becoming present and being in the 'here and now' - planning for the future and enjoying what's going on right now, even while dealing with some of the stuff from the past. </p> <p>You were saying something in an earlier post - about being firm - this is a good thing! Keep it up - because this is helpful. Firmly in the present, wanting to fill up life with lots of good things instead of being sucked up into the muck, so to speak. </p> <p>In the meantime - I really think you should get a red winter coat </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-107144 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:32:13 +0000 Michelle 107144@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really don't know how to express my gratitude for the support you're sending my way, ladies. All your kinds words are balm for me right now and most reassuring. This goes for those who replied off forum as well; thank you so much for reaching out!! </p> <p>Thanks, too, for all the info and recommendations of cognitive behaviour therapy. It was briefly mentioned as a possibility while he was still hospitalized, but hasn't been actively pursued since then. I'm going to suggest that he look into this and see if his primary therapist is qualified to conduct such sessions. </p> <p>This is truly one of the most amazing group of women I've ever met. I feel beyond privileged in so many ways, and this is one of them. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-107078 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:31:18 +0000 aurora420 107078@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>this made me want to cry, when you love and care for someone and you feel as though everything you do is not helping. do what you can, don't forget about yourself, you have to take care of you before you can take care of another. be strong, we all believe in you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-107076 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:09:31 +0000 velvetychocolate 107076@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>One last thought - a bit worrisome about the job ending soon, and the thing is to spend more time doing something other than 'being depressed' and seeing all kinds of counselors all the time. Yes, counseling for sure...but it might be a good idea to fill up his life with other things. Can he sign up for something for the holidays? Absolutely nothing to do with 'depression' or getting help for his depression. Something like a cooking class or a photography class or along these lines - some two or four week course through continuing education. Something *fun* and entirely unrelated to depression. </p> <p>Just another idea. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-107070 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:50:51 +0000 velvetychocolate 107070@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, </p> <p>Sorry to hear of all this stress that you've been dealing with. Lots of really good advice here from this wonderful community. </p> <p>I just wanted to put my vote in for CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Furthermore, it's interesting that sometimes the 'behavioural' part can actually be faster and more effective than the 'cognitive' aspect. Sometimes it's difficult to just change up your thoughts and beliefs about things so quickly - yes, you'd still want to work on this aspect, but wanted to put a vote in for the behaviour part too. An excellent question to ask is, "What would you be doing if you weren't depressed?" - and then going off and doing just that. </p> <p>Here are some recommendations/ideas - they may seem 'low tech', but they work:</p> <p>1. - See if your partner can get in to see a counselling psychologist in addition to any kind of psychiatric counselling. Look for someone who has expertise in CBT. </p> <p>2. - The worst thing about depression in general is the feeling of being stuck in your head all the time. There are some really simple and low-tech things that can be done. Exercise is extremely effective - as effective, if not more effective than antidepressant medication. This isn't to suggest no medication, but I'd strongly encourage regular walks every single day. Or 'something' in the house if the weather's bad. Crank up the music and dance or something like that. The thing is, you have to treat the exercise as if it's medication - take it every day. This *will* make a huge difference. </p> <p>Also - continuing along the theme of being stuck in your head all the time - distraction is actually quite useful. More time out of the house, and less time sitting around thinking/feeling. Better to get out and 'do' stuff. Also - anything that engages your senses is a nice way to feel grounded and in your body more - as opposed to being stuck in one's head. Sounds silly - but it'll help to listen to good music, it'll help to pick up a pine cone or some leaves out on a walk. To smell things, and eat really good food. Engaging your senses + doing something , something minorly physical actually works rather well. Don't laugh - but going for a nice long walk, then coming home and putting on some good music while making some fabulous homemade soup or stew or something is a *wonderful* way to feel better, fast. Notice that these ideas are also very nurturing and nourishing to one's body and spirit too. </p> <p>Spending time in nature - or if not, then spending time around people. Going out for a really good coffee at a favourite coffee shop and just enjoying the ambience - no matter how 'depressed' a person may feel - is something that will help. The idea is to get out of one's head a bit, to get a break from the constant feelings of depression all the time. </p> <p>3. - Fish oil has been recommended as well - here's a quote from a site that makes fish oil supplements (not recommending any one particular brand...just giving you the suggestion):</p> <p>"Omega-3 Promotes Positive Mood and Memory<br /> Research has revealed that the omega-3 component EPA has a powerful mood-elevating and mood-stabilizing quality 1. Leading physicians have shown in clinical trials 2 confirming the positive effects of EPA on mood. OmegaBrite is specially formulated with a high EPA content to promote mood elevation and emotional well being and cognitive clarity and memory support."</p> <p>from: <a href="http://www.omegabrite.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.omegabrite.com/</a></p> <p>So, some fish oil capsules would be useful. I'd think that any high-quality fish oil supplement from your local health food store would work. </p> <p>4. - I'd also suggest Vitamin D-3 softgels as well - taken in the morning. A lot of people are deficient in Vitamin D-3, and I know I've heard several times that the D-3 is also useful in boosting one's mood. This is particularly true in winters, when we don't get nearly enough sunlight. The more common D-2 found in vitamin D supplements or mineral supplements isn't as good (not absorbed as well or something) as getting a separate D-3 softgel type of supplement (they are like little tiny fish oil capsules). </p> <p>5. - See if you can make your partner laugh ...if he's in a funk, say something silly like, "No thinking!" and get him up and out doing something. Or doing something in your home. </p> <p>So, in addition to finding a good counselling psychologist who specializes in CBT, there is:</p> <p>Exercise<br /> Engaging one's senses more - very grounding and comforting<br /> Fish oil<br /> Vitamin D3<br /> More time around people<br /> Do more, and 'think/feel' a bit less - until you start to feel a lot better<br /> Distraction - get out of one's head, people need a break from feeling bummed out all the time. </p> <p>Oh, one last one : going and listening to someone else's problems works too. You feel useful, you feel like you have something good to offer, and then you end up feeling a lot better about yourself - when you take a break from your own head/feelings and are 'there' for someone else. It's actually a *great* time to show up for someone else. </p> <p>Actually - there's a little tip in there for you Michelle - ask him for advice, ask him his opinion on all kinds of things. Then it's not always him that is 'the problem person' - and he gets to feel like he has some good things to offer. What does he think about some story in the paper, which kind of dark chocolate is the very best, what does he think you should do about some issue at your work, and so on. Yeah - ask him for help with things. This might go a long way to helping him feel much better about himself. Thank him for doing things for you and so on. Let him know that you lean on him and rely on him too. This will boost his self-esteem quite a bit, I think. </p> <p>Ok - enough of my rambling on. Hope my simple ideas might help a wee bit. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-107065 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:25:38 +0000 Patience 107065@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>More and more hugs from me. I am another one who has several loved ones in a similar situation. Based on what you say, it seems like you are handling things well. I'm kind of late here but I wanted to iterate what helps me, even if it's a bit repetitive.</p> <p>- I also agree that therapy only works with a good relationship with the therapist. But it sounds like you understand that.<br /> - For a long time I thought my needs and the relationships involved had to be put second to the spector of mental illness. I finally learned that there is a proper way to handle the relationships. If both of you are committed, you should be able to make your relationship work long term. If you can, I highly recommend professional support for yourself to explore these things. It is so important for you to take care of yourself and I am glad to hear that you are.<br /> - Usually, these situations are a long, hard road. You have to be prepared for that. At the same time, my dad always says that you've got to be able to pay your bank of good times. Whenever you can, bank good times so that when times are rough you have something to draw on.</p> <p>I also want to say how much I admire you. Your words here tell me you are a *very* strong person and I know you will live with fire.</p> <p>I occasionally suffer from anxiety and I can attest that CBT is very effective for me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-107057 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:30:53 +0000 Laura 107057@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I just wanted to express that you are an inspiration for many of us here, and you continue to be. I hope it helps to know what a remarkable person we know you to be. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-107047 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:43:42 +0000 Ele 107047@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, I second Tam and Shiny about CBT. </p> <p>I actually only just found out about this type of therapy, when I was at my doctor for a therapist referral last week. My GP told me about this site, <a href="http://www.livinglifetothefull.co.uk">Living Life to The Full</a>, which is run by the Scottish Health Department, but used by many all over the UK. It's free to sign up (I don't think you have to live in the UK) and then there all all these modules/exercises to follow. I haven't tried any yet but it came very highly recommended by my GP, and is designed to be used by people on their own time, independently. Might be worth a look! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-107043 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:07:22 +0000 shiny 107043@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I sent you a PM already, but I just want to second Yublocka's suggestion of CBT. There's a lot of research out there saying CBT is the most effective form of therapy. Of course, effectiveness depends on what your issues are to begin with. I can say that I have personally found it highly effective for anxiety issues. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-107042 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:01:38 +0000 yublocka 107042@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Michelle, what a tough situation you are in. How and when did life get so complicated? You have some great advice and support here already - this forum truly is a special place.</p> <p>One thing I wanted to add, since you specifically asked about different therapeutic approaches is to suggest <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy">cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)</a>. Here's <a href="http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt">another good explanation</a>. It's all about recognising and challenging thoughts and behaviours - so it works well for people with good insight into what is going on, but not necesarilly dealing with things well. I hope that helps and that your situation ends up with some resolution. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106994 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:55:47 +0000 Angie 106994@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, ladies. I am moved. It seems that every house has it’s cross to bear. I hope that there are happy endings to your stories. </p> <p>Michelle, you’ve received a wealth of support and knowledge here. I’m so glad that you posted because at the very least we can support you who will in turn support Corey. Have you considered going to therapy yourself, or with Corey? </p> <p>All through the Summer you handled this very volatile and stressful home situation like a pro. And we were none the wiser. My dear Michelle, you’ve said awfully kind words, but as a role model I do not hold a candle to you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106993 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:06:16 +0000 anne 106993@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Michelle, what a very tough time for Corey and for you. I don't have the expertise to address your questions, but want to send you my love and big hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106957 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 01:33:45 +0000 Mellllls 106957@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Not that I am qualified to give an opinion, but my advice would be to keep trying new therapists until you find one that you not only like and trust but one where you can see the therapy succeeding. I understand that can be difficult and that health insurance might make this even more diffifcult but I strongly believe that that may be the key. I have only the best wishes for you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106954 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:16:38 +0000 Dawn 106954@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I am so sorry that you and Corey are in this situation. Unfortunately I have had direct experience of the effects depression can have as during my teenage year, my father sought help after several years of anxiety and depression and was diagnosed with clinical depression. At this stage, he was self-medicating with alcohol but after starting on anti-depressants and attending counselling, he began to improve and stopped drinking. My dad hasn't drank since then and has thankfully remained in the best of mental health since then.</p> <p>I too suffer from bouts of depression as well but not the extent my dad did. I know the triggers for my depression is and can try to control those factors as best I can. Most of the time it works but towards the end of the final year of my undergrad, I essentially had a breakdown followed by a month of depression. Thankfully I got through it with help from the university counselling service and an extremely kind friend. The sad thing is that I found out that semester that one of my good friends from college was diagnosed with depression at the beginning of the year and felt that she couldn't talk to anyone about it.</p> <p>Please encourage Corey to talk to his therapist about what he needs from therapy and to consider changing his therapist if he needs to. He needs to find the best fit of medication and therapy for him. Obviously medication isn't the answer but my friend described anti-depressants as the life-jacket that helps keep you floating while you're waiting for the rescue ship.</p> <p>Also remember to take care of yourself. Your main responsibility is to you and your own wellbeing. You truly are an amazing person and I want you to keep your spirits up. </p> <p>Sending lots of love and hugs your way! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106952 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:46:38 +0000 Tanya 106952@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, my hearth goes out to you! I am so sorry about the whole situation. You are a very strong and brave soul to manage all that. I sort-of know what is like, one of my parents is suffering from long and nasty depression, as well as my ex-BF ( the same one who recently broke up with me), so I know how difficult it can be.</p> <p>You have already received a lot of good advice, and I do not have much to add, other than maybe trying a new therapist that he might feel even more relaxed with. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106946 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:43:47 +0000 KarinSwe 106946@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle. I just wanted to say that I feel very much for you and Corey. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for the both of you, and I sincerely hope that things will eventually get better. </p> <p>I don't have any first-hand experience of anything similar, but I do believe that it is possible, and absolutely necessary, to find a form of therapy that feels really right! We are all different, and thus need different things, so all therapists can't possibly work for anyone. At the same time I imagine it can be really stressful to time and again open yourself up for new people... but I do hope he has the strength and will to keep looking until he finds someone who is right for him, if it turns out he needs more than his current therapist can give him. </p> <p>I strongly agree with Marianna as well - remembering yourself! And knowing that as much as one wishes to do to help, there are certain things that the other person must go through him/herself. But it is terrible to be beside and watch. Sending you many many hugs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106935 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:13:56 +0000 Anonymous 106935@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106934 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:51:48 +0000 Dashrashi 106934@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>For what it's worth, I hear that EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) can be helpful for traumatic grief that's still causing problems. That might be something to bring up with any of his doctors. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106928 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:22:15 +0000 Michelle 106928@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I shouldn't be surprised, but I am awed by the amount of support and compassion on this forum. I know I'll be saying this often, but thank you ladies for being so wonderful and open. </p> <p>To answer a few common questions:<br /> -- Corey has been on meds for the past two years or so, and the type/dosage have both been altered more than once in that time. He's ok with what he's on at the moment. I've seen for myself that some were clearly less effective than others, and he was the one who took the lead on asking for adjustments there if he felt it wasn't effective.<br /> -- His mother passed away quite some time ago, in 2002. Since then he has moved out of the town they were in and gone back to university in an area of study he enjoys. He worked a series of menial jobs for awhile, but he's been in the Ontario public service for the past year and a half and has risen through the ranks quite quickly. Even though his current position is just part time (three days a week), it was ideal while he coped with this emotional business and continued his university courses. He now only has two courses left before he graduates in the spring.<br /> -- He sought therapy on his own about a year before the suicide attempt, and he both likes and trusts the psychotherapist he's seeing. I have met her too and understand his liking for her; she's kind and sympathetic. My sense is that she may need to push him harder, but perhaps was unwilling to do so (just speculating here). I'll be curious to see what comes of his next session with her when he voices his concerns about the current methods of treatment. To those who pointed out that intelligent people are often more difficult targets for therapy, I couldn't agree more, and this describes him perfectly.<br /> -- I've tried to take care of myself through all this, and I admit it's been a struggle at times. The summer was flat-out awful all around. I had to cope with his mental state and learn how to handle it with the right combination of sensitivity and firmness. I will confess that I lost my temper at times and then felt guilty; the attempt aroused a lot of mixed emotions that were tough to work through. On top of this I was facing the prospect of giving up McClure and transitioning to a new dog, which is an intense and sometimes disruptive experience. Fortunately Reva turned out to be a gem and my time away from Toronto was a much-needed reprieve, despite the fact that I was constantly worried about him. Things have been somewhat better since my return, until recently that is. This pending unemployment has really thrown things out of balance again, as it's brought up all his inferiority and self-loathing issues which I believe to be at the heart of his inability to make true progress. But I am fortunate to have a brilliant support network. His family is a real mixed bag, but mine are uniformly fabulous, and I have a lot of local friends who have been amazing. One of my friends even offered to stay at our place for awhile if my workplace wanted to keep me on overnights, for instance. My employer is another one who can't be praised enough. After giving me the week off after it happened, they moved me from the graveyard shift so I could be with him overnight.</p> <p>Ele, Judy, Julie, Debbie, Stacie, Fi and Khris: Thank you for being so open about your own experiences with these issues. I'm so sorry you've all had to endure this, regardless of what side of the equasion you were on. It is comforting to have so much empathy here. </p> <p>Marianna: It's tough to be doubting your future with a long-term partner. If you ever want to talk about it, please don't hesitate to get in touch. Misguided guilt has no place in a sound future, as I've realized. I love Corey very much, but I have to see whether or not he is able to turn things around. If he's not, then I suspect I can't handle this. I can't live my life in fear of another attempt and worry what's going on back home every time I step out to buy vegetables or choose to go to bed early.</p> <p>Angie: I'm flabbergasted and flattered beyond words that you see me as a roll-model, because I see you that way too. The competence with which you run your life, combined with your panache, warmth and generosity make for a truly amazing human being...and I'm sure I've not even seen the half of it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106927 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:21:42 +0000 Maya 106927@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I am afraid I can offer no advice on this subject, but I just wanted to echo Angie. You are an amazing and strong person and I am beyond impressed by your boundless compassion and positive attitude. I hope you and Corey find the help and support you need. You are an angel for standing by him through such an emotionally trying time. I'm glad you posted this because, as I have found, the wisdom and support here is truly limitless. I don't feel like I have the experience or knowledge to make any suggestions, but you already have a lot of advice from more knowledgeable souls. </p> <p>I think my week-long crash last week stemmed from the fact that I felt helpless. I thought there was nothing else I could do and that the job I was turned down for was my last hope. It was only once I posted here that I realized I was wrong and that there were still some strategies I could try, which went a long way in helping me get back on my feet. Your situation is obviously very different, but it's always a comfort to know there is still hope and that there are still options, and if none of those options work out, then at least you know you did you very best, and no one can expect more from you than that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106920 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:55:24 +0000 RoseandJoan 106920@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My dear Michelle, I'm so sorry for the situation you are currently facing but also relieved you have been able to turn to the forum for solace. I strongly believe there is inadequate support provided for the family members and loved ones of those affected by mental illness.</p> <p>My mother was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia when I was three years of age and both of my Sisters have attempted suicide on more than one occasion. Whether these experiences qualify me to answer your post, I'm not certain, I may be too close to your situation to offer an unbiased perspective but after many hours of consideration here are my opinions:</p> <p>With regards to your partner</p> <p>Your partner is not only grieving the loss of his Mother but also the loss of his role as primary caregiver. Losing your purpose can be devastating.</p> <p>Being referred for counselling is very different to actively seeking counselling. I believe a person has to be open, willing and ready for change in order for this type of treatment to be effective.</p> <p>With regards to your relationship<br /> Do you believe the depression correlates to your partner's recent history or is it something that he is likely suffer from intermittently for the rest of his life? If the later, are the good times special enough to compensate for the bad? Are you prepared for the roles in your relationship to alter? Would you be staying because of a misguided sense of guilt?</p> <p>You have not made wedding vows, you are not bound through sickness and in health, your decisions will have consequences but ULTIMATLEY YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR PARTNERS HAPPINESS.</p> <p>After years of soul searching I have learned to separate the person from the illness. Mental disorders are considered as chemical imbalances in the brain. Therefore I am able to ration that my Mother is a loving and creative person who happens to have a mental illness. I refuse to let her illness define her. Your partner may or may not recover from his depression but it remains only part his persona.</p> <p>Please take care Michelle, I sincerely hope your partner finds the help he needs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106919 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:27:25 +0000 judy 106919@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I've been in a three year dance with my youngest son (ages 17-20) on similar issues. Depression, medication, substance abuse and the caring for and ultimately the passing of his stepmom with whom he was very close. He had a mini breakdown, not his first, the night after her memorial in October. I want you to know that you aren't alone in dealing with very difficult issues and I understand feeling powerless to help those you love the most, when it looks like they are going down the tubes before your very eyes!</p> <p>The most helpful thing that anyone told my son was when the psychiatrist said: "It's up to you, Luke...it's YOUR life, it's YOUR decision". That was powerful. HE had to be the most involved in his healing process, and instead it was all his parents trying to do it for him. His breakdown and treatment in the hospital, his groups and his doctors, had him see that HE had to care enough about himself to work out his dosage, his sleeping, and to claim his sanity (and sobriety, he was doing other substances) for himself. Before that turning point for him, we were all saying the most helpful things, but he was not really committed and so did not hear them or did not feel the weight of responsibility resting on his shoulders. Now he has medications and appointments and he gets to them on time and he takes the medications and is not self-medicating with other substances. But it had to get very bad before it got better.</p> <p>Another helpful thing I have heard someone ask, is "Why do you WANT to stay?". Do you feel that Corey is in touch with that? My brother took his own life five years ago. Since it was with a gun, there was no possibility for another chance for him. I know he did not want to hurt us, he just picked a permanent solution to a temporary situation. But it was unbearably painful. I am sorry you have to go through this. One thing I found is that though people don't talk so much about these things, they are going on, to some degree or another, in many people's lives. Good for you for bringing it here and getting yourself some support, Michelle. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106918 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:25:49 +0000 Debbie 106918@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have also dealt with this in a family member. Please take care of yourself first and foremost. It is easy to get caught up in all of it and end up depressed yourself. </p> <p>In the situation we were/are in I finally went to talk to a therapist myself. She helped me to understand that certain things were beyond my control. In order for the therapist to be able to help he has to feel comfortable with him/her. If he isn't all the therapy in the world will not help. As someone mentioned medication can be a big part. His might have worked for a while but now it is not as effective and needs to be changed or he is simply on too much or too little.</p> <p>This is all I feel comfortable putting on an open forum. If you ever need want to talk just PM me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106917 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:23:33 +0000 Mojo Riley 106917@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Michelle, what a difficult road you two have been down! I'm so sorry that you're going through this.</p> <p>Care-taking is such a difficult, painful role. Your partner learned this caring for his mother, and now you've learned it by caring for Corey. I can only imagine what you're both going through.</p> <p>I do think it's normal to harbor doubts about the therapeutic process, but it sounds like it's more than just doubts- it sounds like he hasn't connected in a meaningful way with his counselor. It might be time to find someone else with whom he has better chemistry. If he is highly intelligent, then it certainly complicates the process even more, because he has the capacity to understand the "angle" that is being used, and he will have a greater degree of situational awareness. Maybe you can ask for a referral to another counselor? My brother, who is also extremely bright but severely paranoid (depression is only part of his problem) finally found a social worker whom he trusts completely, and he has made tremendous strides with her- at one point I thought that it wasn't possible, but thank god I was wrong. The doctor/patient relationship is such an intimate one, and it's worth exploring other people if he isn't getting what he needs.</p> <p>I know it's an obvious question, but is he taking any medication? I'm generally very suspicious of running to a pharmaceutical solution for every problem, but it sounds like his depression has likely turned from ordinary "situational" depression, to a chemical problem, which is quite common. </p> <p>You might ask his Dr about Sam-E or other medicinal interventions. Sam-E really pulled me back from the brink last spring- I can't overstate that. It didn't make my world "right," but when I say it pulled me back from the brink, I really mean that. I had gone to a place where I thought there was no coming back from. It might be worth looking into something like that until his mood levels out and the talk therapy starts working. Healthy eating and sufficient sleep and exercise are also critical, so try to stay on him about those things.</p> <p>You're right to be concerned about the impending job loss. That, in combination with the upcoming holidays (which are always difficult for depressed people), will certainly be a trying time. Since he cared for his mother for so long, a lot of his identity is probably wrapped up in being a care-taker, and in being needed in a very real and visceral way. With her gone, and with the job disappearing, it's vital that he find a sense of purpose and a reason to get out of bed. Maybe you can try to get him volunteering so that he sees that he is still needed, and that there is a lot of good that can be done. If he starts to feel a renewed sense of purpose, the therapy might be more effective. You must not let him wallow. Be patient and loving and kind, but be firm with him. There are tons of people out there who need his help, and he can still make a tremendous difference in someone's life.</p> <p>Finally, I really hope that you are reaching out to your own friends and family to get the support that you need. I also hope that you're able to take time for yourself to get a mental break, because you certainly deserve it.</p> <p>I will be thinking of both of you and sending positive thoughts your way! I know that you two can get through this together. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106915 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:21:32 +0000 londonkiwi (now back in NZ) 106915@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Firstly, I just want to say what a brave person you are. As others above have said dealing with a partner or loved one who is sick, either mentally or physically is a huge strain on a relationship and you are an incredibly strong person to have dealt with it the way you have. Corey is exceptionally lucky!</p> <p>I have had counselling twice it wasn't for issues as serious as Corey's, but maybe I can help a little. </p> <p>I think that it is really important to gel with your counsellor. Baring your soul and intimate feelings to someone requires a huge amount of trust. If Corey doesn't feel as if he is being listened to when he raises issues then perhaps working with someone else may help.</p> <p>Secondly, I would say that it is incredibly important to stick with it, even if you don't feel as if progress is being made. I know that the last time I had counselling there was just this "ah ha" moment, like a light that was switched on. That moment probably comes a a different point for everyone, but it wont happen if you don't persist.</p> <p>I would also like to reiterate what Ele said about medication. I have never had to take antidepressants, but I have had friends who have taken anti-depressants and getting the type and level of medication right can take a bit of work.</p> <p>As a New Zealander I can't comment on the mechanics of the health system where you are, but I am sure that others will be able to help you there.</p> <p>The only other thing I can say is that it is really important to have a network of support in place for both you and Corey to help you deal with just the day to day issues. </p> <p>I hope that my ramble has helped a little.</p> <p>Best wishes</p> <p>Fi </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-counselling-suggestions#post-106914 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:20:25 +0000 Angie 106914@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oooooh my dear, Michelle. Michelle, Michelle, Michelle. (((BIG HUGS))). How did life get so complicated? Thank heavens you have Reva.</p> <p>I’m out the door in a second and I’ll chime back in later. I just wanted to say that we’ll support you in ANY way possible. Your feelings are safe here and there are many wise woman who will help you through this. And I’m flattered that you feel comfortable sharing this with us. I don’t know HOW you do it, Michelle, but you are a walking and living miracle. Each day I am more impressed with how you manage your life and your attitude. You are one of my role models. </p> <p>Thanks for chiming in on a personal note, Ele. Big hugs to you too. </p> <p>Michelle, how long ago did Corey’s Mum pass away? Grief counseling is a good idea for up to a year after the event (the grieving process takes about a year). But there may be several deeper issues at play here and things sound very tricky. Is Corey still on medication? How many therapists is he seeing at this point? Psychotherapy will only work if you are receptive to it. Some people are and some people aren’t. Furthermore, the therapist who Corey is seeing may have misdiagnosed the condition which makes for useless therapy sessions. Perhaps the depression is due to chemical imbalances and not psychological circumstances. </p> <p>I have to run, but I’ll be back. I hope you can feel the love. </p>