https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning- Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 09 May 2026 07:45:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90956 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:57:18 +0000 cciele 90956@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You've gotten some great advice here! I just want to offer my sympathies. These are rough economic times for everyone, but he'll come through in the end. Give him some time to grieve, then make sure he doesn't get stuck in depression. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90888 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:38:01 +0000 Kari 90888@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Cyan, I am so sorry.</p> <p>My BF lost his job too earlier in the year and was laid off for a long time. (Other friends and family members have lost or are about to lose their jobs too, and my contract job ended just over a month ago, so I've also been unemployed &#38; job searching.) </p> <p>As a girlfriend, I felt like the best thing I could do was to be encouraging and supportive of him. I would check in to see how his unemployment application &#38; job search was going, and I'd ask if there was anything I could help with (sending him relevant job ads, offering to send his resumes to friends in HR/recruiting to provide more networking possibilities, looking over resumes or cover letters.) I didn't want to see him get discouraged, so I would try to remind him of his strengths (especially things he could potentially highlight in an application or interview.) I wanted to be encouraging but not pushy. Truth be told, he seemed to keep his mood up much better than I have, but still mentioned that he really appreciated how supportive I was during this time.</p> <p>I'd also just stop by often to grab some dinner or a low-cost activity where he could get out of the house. We got started watching several comedy series on DVD to give us something to laugh about &#38; take our minds off worrying. Fortunately he also has some great friends who hang out every week, so I suspect that helped a lot.</p> <p>Definitely feel welcome to send ideas from the motivation/goal setting threads Angie set up for me - the advice I've received from the forum has been such a big help. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90887 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:37:18 +0000 marianne 90887@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry to hear about it, cyan. You got a ton of good advice here, but I just wanted to second what Shiny said about the waiting period. I was laid off last winter and it was extremely traumatic, even though I knew it was coming and I thought I was prepared. It was hard for me even to think about it for a couple of months, and it took me a long time to get over it. In addition to panic, I also think my perception of reality was very skewed.<br /> I am sure everything will turn out well, but do go easy on him for now Good luck! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90873 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:15:14 +0000 shiny 90873@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Cyan, I know it sounds counter-intuitive. But consider, if he just got laid off, he's in a state of shock, and will be for awhile. People don't think clearly when they are in shock. </p> <p>Also - no matter what reason his employer gave - he may be asking why him, and not someone else. This plays into his confidence. If he's thinking his number came up because he was older/less educated/less experienced/just less of a performer than his colleagues, this will come through when he writes a resume, or interviews. Better to wait until he can objectively see it wasn't personal. If he has any bitterness at all, he should take a little vacation for sure. </p> <p>You get ONE chance to make a good impression, and job leads are so scarce. It's better to wait for the shock to subside, and your confidence and perspective to rebound, before you go knocking on doors. Make sense?</p> <p>Regarding the news: My last layoff was the Friday before Sept 11. I was expecting the layoff and eager to take a break for awhile, confident I would find another job quickly. However, I was calling in my unemployment on 9/11, and the woman on the phone asked me to turn my t.v. on and tell her what is going on in NYC. I did - just as the second plane hit the tower. That's when I went into shock and panicked. </p> <p>During that layoff, I learned to keep the t.v. off. I rarely watch t.v. anymore, especially the news. I prefer to read my news over the internet. There's something different about reading vs having vivid images that stick in your head. And it's easier to choose your news source - lots of the news on t.v. has become sensationalist and design to fan anxiety. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90846 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:47:35 +0000 Ana 90846@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry to hear this, Cyan. Due to the type of work my husband does (project based software development in a relatively new industry), he gets laid off quite often. That's just something that goes with the job for the industry he is in. So having been through this more than a few times, I would say that Shiny's advice is excellent. What you are doing right now (reconnecting with friends, former coworkers and contacts at other companies) is a good first step. And your attitude seems really outstanding to me--the key is to stay positive! As LauraN said, try to surround yourself with positive people. The economy isn't the greatest right now, but this too will pass, and you'll come out the other end okay. You have to believe that. Don't get discouraged if it takes a while to find anything, or if you don't hear back from places right away. That is normal, and (if your resume and cover letter are really great) has little to do with your boyfriend and more to do with the company. My husband has 12 years experience in this industry and has excellent references and technical abilities, but he has applied to lots of places in the past and never heard anything back. It all depends on what the company is looking for. Depending on what your boyfriend does, you may want to get in contact with a recruiter. I'm not sure about other industries, but in the technical and "white collar" fields, there are lots of them, and some companies have them on staff (Microsoft, for instance). You can often find contact information for them on LinkedIn. </p> <p>Lastly, if you can still laugh a little, even when things get really bad, then you'll definitely be alright. :)</p> <p>Good luck. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will blow over sooner rather than later. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90844 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:17:24 +0000 Stylin 90844@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Cyan, I am sorry to hear your news. </p> <p>My husband lost his job and it took him about 9 months to find another one! However, it is a better one. I am a SAHM so it was pretty rough going for a while. I completely agree with Shiny. It takes time to gain perspective. Your bf will go through a roller coaster of emotions for a while. For a lot of us, our identity is tied to our jobs so it takes time to adjust to a job loss.</p> <p>While he was searching for a new job, I was my husband's cheerleader but I needed my girlfriends to lean on. His emotional ups and downs affected me as well. I hope your bf ends up in a better job and everything works out well. I haven't been on this forum for long but I am here for you if you need me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90842 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 11:48:42 +0000 yublocka 90842@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Cyan you have already received tons of great advice, but just wanted to chime in saying this is awful. Please remind your bf not to take it personally, redundancies are usually a "numbers" thing rather than a "personal" thing. Big businesses suck!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90824 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:45:42 +0000 cyan45 90824@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>thank you all SO MUCH. while i have been very supportive and try to keep the laughter going, i have been asking people i know for any hiring leads, and getting contacts who can help proofread his resume/give job hunt advice. </p> <p>i understand that job loss can be akin to death of a loved one. however, sitting back for a breather when the economy is already slow seems so counter-intuitive to me. precisely because the economy will delay progress, you have to get things rolling earlier and faster! who knows how long it will last, and if you'll have enough money to tide you over. </p> <p>however, i've never experienced this first-hand, so what do i know? i will try to step back and let him adjust. it's hard though. sometimes i want to nip things in the bud and get things going. thanks for your perspectives...</p> <p>he is looking forward to little house projects, doing a bit more with hobbies, etc...we'll get through this :-)</p> <p>thanks again, your support means so much... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90812 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 05:20:23 +0000 anne 90812@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Cyan, I am sorry to hear the news. You have received some great advice, and I hope it'll all work out for the best </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90811 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 04:57:33 +0000 Laura 90811@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Some positive things:</p> <p>First of all, this could very well be a blessing in disguise. I know that is hard to imagine but he could end up with a better (higher pay, aligned with what he wants to do) job. I think its easy to forget that. :)</p> <p>I'm not sure how your bf responds to things, but he may not want to hear about the economy (pessimistic people, news). That is something to possibly keep in mind.</p> <p>When I was going through my job search, I had to cut off people who were negative and absolutely petrified about the economy. It was almost laughable to hear people's gloom and doom stories. You learn about people by their reaction to hearing that you are looking for a job. It's pretty fascinating!</p> <p>Oh, and having a lot of free time is AWESOME!! He'll figure that out </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90780 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 01:43:58 +0000 Tanya 90780@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so sorry to hear that cyan. My thoughts are with you and your bf and I hope things change for better soon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90755 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:04:17 +0000 shiny 90755@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The absolute best advice I ever got was "Don't look for jobs or work on your resume or write cover letters or even contact people right away. Give yourself a week or two off, possibly even three."</p> <p>Of course, every time I got this advice, I ignored it. And paid the price! </p> <p>The problem with throwing yourself immediately into a job search is that your self esteem is at its lowest. You are panicking and you are not thinking. You may call contacts or write cover letters and sound like you are whining or desperate. This is why it's best to take a breather, relax, recoup. Be kind to yourself. The job search will be there when you are ready for it!</p> <p>So if you can afford it (and it sounds like you can), encourage your bf to take a break. Even call it a vacation. Encourage him to do nothing at all about the job search for awhile, and just relax, enjoy his hobbies, do whatever he's been putting off around the house. </p> <p>This doesn't mean you let him coast forever. It just means take a break to recharge. Grieve. (Job loss is akin to death of a loved one). </p> <p>I don't know about your state, but ours extended bennies so unemployment goes a full year now. Add in severance and any unused vacation time, you realize you do have time and the situation isn't quite as dire as you may think. And the economy is improving, albeit slowly.</p> <p>Rule of thumb, I've heard, is that for every $10K you seek to make, it takes a month. So if he is looking to make $50K, it'll take 5 months. Now add to that a slowed economy. You could double that. I am not telling this to you to scare you and make you panic, but to put it into perspective, what is reasonable amount of time to expect it'll take. </p> <p>I could probably give you a million tips, LOL. I'll just add one more: the reality is - after the initial few weeks - it doesn't take hours and hours each day to search for a job. The first few weeks you answer months' worth of job listings, and you are busy crafting the perfect resume. Then after that, you are only answering the one or two that are new for that day. Add to that, reaching out to one contact in his network per day with a phone call, perhaps meeting for lunch. It just doesn't take 8 hours. One or two hours, tops. </p> <p>So if you come home and find he's sprawled out in front of the t.v., or if he's sleeping in late every morning, don't be too hard on him. Do encourage him to workout, focus on his hobbies, get out of the house, run errands, cook dinner, etc.... any thing to help fill his day in the other 6 hours he has free.... humans like to be busy and productive. </p> <p>Finally, please tell him for me that every time I've been laid off, I thought it was the end of the world. And every time, I eventually landed in a much better place. Often in a direction I hadn't imagined. But better nonetheless. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90732 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:17:24 +0000 Angie 90732@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh cyan45. I’m so sorry. It’s very hard for anyone to be laid off. Thank goodness there are savings. </p> <p>Let your lovely bloke lick his wounds for a while so that he feels his feelings are justified. Then climb in there and help him whip his life back into shape! There are ways and means. For the moment, lots of TLC. We can help you get some action plans going in a few days. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90730 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 21:58:11 +0000 cyan45 90730@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>thank you all so much! fortunately the financial crunch isn't too bad yet (he saved A LOT while working, and doesn't have many financial burdens), so that helps </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90720 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:40:30 +0000 Dawn 90720@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry to hear this. I have no advice for you but if you need to rant and offload, I'm here for you! </p> <p>Take care! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90711 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:47:50 +0000 taylor 90711@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>UGH, this seems to be touching everyone in some way. Having several friends lose jobs, and my son also.</p> <p>This is a good time to continue education...even courses on the net. or on campus. He would be surprised how many people are going back to continue or finish up degrees they were after before getting derailed with *work*. </p> <p>Also Kristen had some great networking ideas and stratagies!</p> <p>Keeping busy and productive seems to be key. Best of luck </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90710 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:41:05 +0000 Louise 90710@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh also forgot to say we're here if you need to offload i remember how stressful it can be ((((hugs))) x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90708 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:37:48 +0000 cyan45 90708@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>thanks so much Mariannacecile and LouLou! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90705 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:34:36 +0000 Louise 90705@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>One big word of advice don't let him sit on his backside for too long feeling sorry for himself. I had this with my other half a couple of years ago and it took me threatening to leave to get him motivated. Angie currently has some threads going with motivation ideas for Kari and Mariannacecile, might be an idea to have a peak at those for ideas x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90702 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:17:22 +0000 marianna 90702@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have no advice, but so many others are in your boyfriend's shoes. So many people are struggling financially right now. He's not alone. Knowing that always helps a little, right? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-bf-just-got-laid-off-this-morning-#post-90699 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:05:33 +0000 cyan45 90699@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>anyone have any advice, and/or tips to encourage a loved one during this challenging time?</p> <p>sorry for the OT, but i'm trying to figure out how to help, and gain perspective given the state of the economy.</p> <p>thanks so much for your help... </p>