https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 29 Apr 2026 03:53:12 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me/page/2#post-335978 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 16:27:56 +0000 amyreh 335978@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks so much to you all for your caring, wonderful advice, empathy, and hugs. I am feeling much better today and am looking forward to everything to come! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me/page/2#post-335967 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 15:50:40 +0000 Heather 335967@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Amy, I am so sorry to hear this: tons of wonderful, heart felt advice. Just thought I would chime in to send you many, many warm thoughts and hugs. xx </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me/page/2#post-335946 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 15:14:39 +0000 lynne 335946@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So sorry this happened to you, Amy. There is already so much great advice here that I'll just send some hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me/page/2#post-335858 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 09:29:24 +0000 rute 335858@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So sorry.. so this just means that you took the right decision! This is a person that you should stay away. She is mean and envious.<br /> When a marriage is involved there is always so many dramas! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335850 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:46:36 +0000 Aunty 335850@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You did just the right thing, head up, chin out and walk away!!</p> <p>I agree with everyone else, you give her a wide berth, and get on with your life. Your true friends know who you are, and they will stay your friends because you are a lovely person. </p> <p>Big Hugs xx </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335810 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 04:16:45 +0000 Aziraphale 335810@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry, Amy. This woman is clearly jealous of you. You've got a honey you're very happy with and soon you'll get to be the lovely blushing bride, and she didn't get invited to the party, waah waah waaaah. OK, she did get invited, but she didn't get the kind of invitation she wanted (bridesmaid) and because she's a jealous bitchy-bitch, she's making you pay. </p> <p>By the way, a lack of complaining about your mate is NOT a sign of an "unhappy" relationship. Where does she get this stuff? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. I guess she doesn't understand how happy, functional relationships work. Has it not crossed her mind that perhaps you don't complain about the relationship because there isn't much to complain about? I've been with my husband for over fifteen years, he's awesome, we have fun and laugh together all the time, and even when we have disagreements about things, I do not dis (sp?) him or whine about our relationship to my friends. If I'm mad at him, talking about it to my friends isn't going to solve anything. Instead, I talk to HIM. Communication is the cornerstone of a great marriage.</p> <p>There's my two bits of unwanted advice. My goodness, I am preachy today.</p> <p>Good luck with it, and don't feel bad about letting that friendship drift away. Don't worry about your other friends, either; if they are real friends, this won't change anything. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335805 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:56:41 +0000 cheryl 335805@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Amy, i'm sorry you have to deal with this right now. Try and put it behind you and just think about all of the wonderful days ahead of you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335798 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:41:43 +0000 Kappy 335798@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Amy, this sounds just horrible. Perhaps she had too much to drink or can't handle alcohol at all? And maybe she is jealous, insecure and worried about her future. I have known lots of women who freak out around 30 about "being alone" if they aren't married or in a serious relationship. It can be depressing trying to meet "the one" as time passes and all your friends are married off one by one!</p> <p>One very important thing to remember is that the wedding is just the "fun" part (and party, LOL) around the "serious" part: the marriage. Who says what, who wears what and who stands where or who has what job is just the icing on the all important cake: the marriage. All that really matters when it is over and done is who you are married to: your future husband. You can try to do things to please or accomodate people who have problems or issues with the wedding, but, obviously NOTHING can be compromised about your marriage. You and your fiance will be the NEW team; friends will fall away or come and go but your husband will always be there for you. So if something terrible happens at your wedding (your dress rips, the cake is knocked over, or a "friend" attacks you) you can smile and laugh a little knowing that none of those things will affect the important part of the day: the marriage. And they will make funny stories to remember/tell when your 10th, 20th or 50th wedding anniversary rolls around! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335786 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:21:28 +0000 Niki Lea 335786@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Amy, I'm so sorry this person spoke to you in such a hurtful way. That must have been so hard to hear, especially from someone you consider to be a friend.</p> <p>I understand how hard it must be that she remains among your circle of friends. But as others have said, a person like this is not worth your time and energy. There are many good people in this world who would gladly love you and be your pals. We can't choose our family or our coworkers, but we can choose our friends. It's at least one major part of our lives we have control over...you don't have to keep someone so negative and hurtful in your life.</p> <p>Many hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335733 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 02:15:03 +0000 Debora 335733@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Amy, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You obviously were beginning to see this woman's true nature when you started distancing yourself from her, and you were right to do so. She is clearly jealous of your happiness and suffering from her own insecurities. You need to do what is best for yourself and your emotional well-being. I hope you will be able to rise above this and concentrate on your upcoming wedding. I am wishing you much joy and happiness. Hugs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335720 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 01:54:07 +0000 nancylee 335720@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow. I'm so sorry, Amy. It's hard to understand why someone would be so purposefully mean. It really does sound like she's unhappy with her own life, and maybe also jealous of your happiness. Some people, I've learned, have real trouble with transitions. She may be feeling apprehensive about your wedding and how it will affect your relationship (although she's doing her best to sabotage it in advance...maybe to protect herself?). All you can do it let it play out over time.</p> <p>I wouldn't worry about anything she's said. She's clearly lashing out for whatever reason, but it's not your responsibility to make her happy. Some friendships last, and some don't. In time, you'll find out whether this one is meant to be. </p> <p>In the meantime, enjoy your wedding preparations! All will be well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335696 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 01:16:04 +0000 Melissa 335696@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, sweet Amy. Big hugs. I know it's always a horrible shock to realize that someone you've known for a long time is so negative, but all you can do is make your own choices about who you are and how you behave. From what I've seen here, you are a truly sweet and thoughtful person.</p> <p>I think as time goes by, your friends will see that you do not want to be around this person and it will naturally happen that she is not included in gatherings of people who genuinely value you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335695 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 01:12:11 +0000 Carole 335695@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just had to chime in and say how sorry I am that you are experiencing this. It's my opinion that sometimes these things happen to show us who our real friends are and who we should and should not trust. I really believe all things happen to teach us something important and you will look back someday and be glad it did happen. It is painful to be in the middle of a battle of loyalties, and I would advise you to hold your head high and avoid the temptation to get your friends to take your side. In time, they will see for themselves who they should align themselves with. </p> <p>I admire your courage to be honest with your friend, that took guts. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335681 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:33:51 +0000 Kristine 335681@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I had a friend like that and in her case she was bipolar. Although I tried to be understanding and sympathetic, I held her accountable for her actions. After a few serious incidents, I had to say good-bye. </p> <p>You both had some negative things to say about each other (think about how she felt too, ouch!) which means resentment was building. It's never easy to let go of a friendship, especially if you have a long history, but hopefully you can part ways on good terms. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335677 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:26:14 +0000 san 335677@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is very sad but I have learned that some people are just not meant to be friends. Move on and be your happy self. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335671 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:17:19 +0000 Auburn 335671@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree fully with the route articulated by Isis, Mo and others.<br /> One other point to consider: although I am in NO way condoning this woman's behavior, it's entirely possible that, in her mind, she feels legitimately hurt and, therefore, justified in her confrontation. It sounds to me like she had stored up a lot of anger/bitterness (perhaps starting with the 30th birthday thing?) and then picked a truly inappropriate time/venue to just dump all of that on you. I say this not because I have any sympathy for her behavior (or expect you to), but just as another view point to consider. Yes, she may well be the type of toxic and insecure person who can't take happiness in others' happiness, but she may also be coming from a place of hurt herself. Regardless, I feel sorry for her. She is closing herself off to good relationships and will, I predict, in short order alienate others in her friend circle.</p> <p>Thankfully, you're nothing like her and not in her position. Cherish your upcoming wedding, your healthy relationships with your fiancee and close friends, and the life you have built for yourself. Perhaps doing so will help you distance yourself from the situation without putting too much weight in how others choose to handle the situation. I have found that these thorny situations often resolve themselves with time and, so often, the less said/done, the better. I am CERTAIN you have some fabulous ways to spend your time...let's see those dress pictures again! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335658 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:55:02 +0000 Angie 335658@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry, Amy. This is wretched.</p> <p>Personally, I always feel its best to take the high road (although my id wants to punch someone's lights out). The more you talk about this incident to any one but your fiance, the worse it will get. Your true friends will give you the benefit of the doubt. There is no need to defend anything that isn't true :)</p> <p>So chin up pretty lady!! You have a wedding to look absolutely beautiful in. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335657 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:53:51 +0000 RandomThoughts (Andrea) 335657@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry. As Mo said this sort of thing never totally goes away. I just posted a ridiculous 'high-schoolish' story myself a week or two ago and I'm 41!</p> <p>Don't waste another moment of your life on this person. Don't talk about her, don't ask your friends to stand up for you or even secretly hope that they will. As you said, this person is 'hard to disagree with' and likely a total PITA - they will probably not want to deal with her or her drama. That doesn't mean they don't 100% support you - I'm sure they do. No body wants to poke a tiger.</p> <p>This girl is clearly unhappy, which is very sad. People bash others and create turmoil so that they can forget their own problems. </p> <p>You did exactly the right thing. In the words of one of my dog training gurus, "You can't argue with an ass." Give her your back literally and figuratively. Enjoy yourself, your friends and your husband to be. She's not worth your time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335652 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:37:04 +0000 amyreh 335652@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks everyone, I feel a lot better now! I knew you all would have great advice. I will do my best to leave the others out of it, I think as long as my closest friends understand that I do not feel comfortable being around her in small groups anymore, which given the situation they should, they can make their own decisions about events and such and I will make a decision based on my comfort level about attending. All I can do is move forward and hope that she finds happiness along the way. Thanks again, tears abated : ) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335641 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:24:02 +0000 Michelle 335641@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Amy, big, big hugs. What absolutely repulsive comments on pretty much every level! Please know that the problem isn't you, it's her. A true friend and a good person would never make such remarks, either before, during or after your wedding.<br /> I must say I fully agree with the brilliant advice given here -- limit your confrontations to her ears and do your utmost to leave your mutual friends out of it. She clearly is trying the other approach, and it will make life easier for all concerned if you take the high road and carve out a path they can follow without taking sides. Your handling of the situation sounds exemplary -- walking away was probably the best thing you could have done at the time. If you feel the need to have it out with her, then keep the conversation between you. If she tries to manipulate you by saying that X, Y and Z all agree with her, simply say that you're not interested in second-hand opinions and will address things with X, Y and Z if and when they decide to brooch the subject. I agree that it may be best to perge your life of this toxic, damaging presence.<br /> Please don't let this incident derail you. Focus on your special day and make it as wonderful as you deserve!<br /> *more hugs* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335629 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:08:35 +0000 Patty 335629@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>She is poison and a land mine. Hope everyone else has as good a grab on her as you do! Talk about Jeckle and Hyde---there seems to be something she wants from you enuff to want to be all in your face when confronted--maybe she wants to be able to count you as clout in on her camp when she blind sides someone else about her impression of them.<br /> Hope you feel better soon---she's the nut. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335623 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:07:07 +0000 Sveta 335623@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Amy, hugs! I am sorry you are going through this and before your wedding too.<br /> I have met people like this: they are emotional vampires. They thrive on making other people suffer, it makes them feel more important.<br /> I think the best strategy is to ignore her completely. The more you are going to fret and try to prove something to her and others the more satisfied she would feel and that would prompt her to continue. Don't let her to stand between you and your friends, just ignore anything she is saying about you and others because most likely it is all made up or twisted. If you try to prove something to her it gives more creditability to what she is saying. By ignoring her completely you would make it clear that what she is saying is not important for you and cannot affect you.<br /> And have faith in your friends. I am sure they can see through her and her gossip and it will not affect their feelings to you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335622 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:06:56 +0000 Steph 335622@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>How horrible for you. It's so disappointing and hurtful when our friends don't turn out to be the people were hoped they would be. </p> <p>My advice is very similar to the advice you got from Isis. Don't engage with her, and don't put your friends in the middle. It isn't fair to expect them to take your side over hers--after all, they are her friend too, and the issue is between the two of you and doesn't involve them. Expecting them to pick sides will just result in more hurt feelings (probably yours) and make you look petty. </p> <p>Something similar happened to me once (my best friend "friend-dumped" me without reason; I later found out his fiancee told him he could no longer be my friend if he was going to stay with her). I did tell my closest friends, and when people asked why we didn't speak anymore I could honestly say "he didn't really give me a reason." I never asked anyone to choose between the two of us, and I'm happy for that--I still have close friendships with many people who remained his friend as well. I do know a few people who distanced themselves from him after the incident, but that was their choice, and I don't love those friends any more than the ones who remained his friend. I do suggest having a stock answer to give acquaintances who ask why you aren't friends anymore. Something like "we had an argument," "we grew apart," or even "she said some hurtful things to me" would probably all suffice. In my experience, most people don't want all the gory details (but maybe my friends aren't very gossipy!). </p> <p>Lots of luck, and have a wonderful wedding. (And in what world is seven bridesmaids a small number?! :)) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335618 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:02:50 +0000 Sarah 335618@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The best defense in situations like this is confidence in your own happiness. I know that sounds totally selfish, but it isn't. You don't owe them anything. That's not what friends are or what friends do.<br /> Grown ups understand weddings and the decisions surrounding them and are able to support the couple regardless. This day isn't about any of your friends or family, it's about you and they should want to support you.<br /> You don't need to worry about this kind of stuff mere weeks before your big day. You can still care about your friends, but you don't need to coddle them.<br /> I'm sorry you've had to go through this. In the short time I've "known" you, you have been very real and quite a lovely person.<br /> If it were me, I'd continue being genuine but focus on my relationship as it nears the next big step. You have your whole life ahead of you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335599 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 22:37:40 +0000 MsMary 335599@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Amy! Hugs to you! If I were you, I'd just cut off contact with this friend, and if she tried to draw me in, I'd say "After our last conversation I'd feel more comfortable if we gave one another a little more space."</p> <p>DO NOT take a poll of your friends and make them take sides, and DO NOT put them on the spot and ask them to repeat their conversations with this awful person. Really. My rule is "I don't gossip and I also don't listen to gossip," and it's remarkable how liberating that approach is. I figure "If I don't hear it, it doesn't affect me!"</p> <p>Or, in other words, Team Mo. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335594 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 22:31:58 +0000 catgirl 335594@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What Rae said. The sooner you cleanse your life of a toxic person like this, the better off and healthier you will be. You do not deserve this kind of grief and drama. She is clearly a certain personality type and you will never change that; only she can change, and maybe if enough people cut her off, she will change - but that is not your responsibility. Your job is to take care of and protect yourself in this situation. Hugs... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335592 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 22:28:30 +0000 Ginkgo 335592@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a horrible experience to go through, but this is about her, not you. Your life is going well and you've got exciting changes coming up and she is envious. I agree with Isis' advice -- don't pull your friends into this and ask them to take sides. Just continue being the good person and friend you are. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335591 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 22:27:05 +0000 rae 335591@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oof, sorry for the novel - this one got me fired up, as I have a wedding approaching as well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335587 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 22:24:21 +0000 rae 335587@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>First and foremost, HUGE hugs. I am devastated that this happened to you, and I hope that you can put this out of your mind and replace the memory with fantastic, fun, blissful wedding memories. </p> <p>Second, this person is in the wrong on pretty much every point!<br /> - Why would anyone who knows you aren't close try and make you feel bad about not picking her as a bridesmaid?? Um, she *just* said you two aren't close. </p> <p>- Since when does NOT bashing your relationship make you a self-centered, secretive, Stepford wife? And since when is it appropriate to disparage another person's relationship in the months leading up to her wedding? Whatever she may think of you, that was simply rude and completely inappropriate! She must be *so* miserable that she can only understand a happy relationship as some kind of scam. </p> <p>- I find it hard to believe that your friend and cousin agree with her. You said yourself that this person is hard to disagree with - I find that those people think everyone is in their corner no matter what... and if they find out that isn't the case, well, they throw a tantrum similar to this one. o_0 </p> <p>- Back to the self-centered thing... SHE is clearly the one who is self-centered, thinking that you needed to plan your shower around her birthday. There are so many people you have to plan around before a not-so-close friend (parents, relatives, the venue) that you can never please everyone. If you waited until *everyone* was free, you'd not have had a bridal shower yet! Not to mention the fact that you tried to make it up to her. </p> <p>Amy, the bottom line is that this girl is full-bore jealous of you and your wonderful relationship. You are probably nicer than I am but, if it were me, I would apologize for burdening her by inviting her to your wedding when she clearly isn't comfortable celebrating, and let her know she is free to bow out. It would be nice if your friends stood up for you, yes, but I would also stand up for yourself and show that you will not accept that kind of treatment. As I said, you seem much nicer than I am. :T Please brush this off and move on with your fab wedding and life. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ot-a-friend-said-some-very-mean-things-to-me#post-335585 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 22:23:17 +0000 lyn* 335585@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Aww, you poor thing!</p> <p>Don't worry; we never leave high school behind. People in school with me now (mid-late 20's) are as catty as ever! Especially since we're all stuck together all the time!</p> <p>Just ignore your friend's snide comments, espeically if you are part of the same group of friends. If you take the high road, everyone will see this :)</p> <p>*hugz* </p>