https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 25 Apr 2026 00:13:08 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1759836 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 20:30:13 +0000 Aziraphale 1759836@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry; I started this thread and then abandoned it before it was finished. I had to put out a bunch of metaphorical fires all week.</p> <p>SarahF, that must have been scary. Yikes.</p> <p>Sammi, I've had genuine compliments from strangers quite often -- usually from a woman, and usually about my footwear or my coat! Very occasionally I've had a compliment from a man, but it has never been the harassing kind. It's usually from someone I know, but once in a while I'll get nice comments from random gentlemen about my clothing.</p> <p>Gaylene, I see what you mean. My son is only nine, but I will certainly be teaching (and modelling!) appropriate behaviour toward women. And I think it's pretty much the norm where we live anyway. :-)</p> <p>Von, don't worry, I wasn't trying to suggest that women should be happy about getting harassed. :-)</p> <p>Love your stories, Em and MsMaven! Thanks for the chuckle.</p> <p>Staysfit, I could see how being tall and no-nonsense might be a deterrent. I am not, however. I am short and slight, and even when I was young and pretty I never got harassed. So there must be more to it than that. I was hoping it maybe had something to do with the tomboyish way I dress.</p> <p>Janet, the idea that one could "humanize" oneself in the eyes of a stranger by offering a greeting is an excellent one! I could see how that would work as a deterrent. (Btw, I really hate it when people comment on "child-bearing hips" -- this one can be particularly hurtful for women who wanted children and were unable to have them).</p> <p>Joyce, it does sound like harassment is more of an everyday occurrence in the southern states and in South American countries, although I could be wrong. I've never been to either.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1759517 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 15:46:15 +0000 Joyce B 1759517@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet, that's exactly how it is. It very much depends on where you are, but in other countries it does not matter how tough you look or act, you *will* get harassed because that is part of the "culture". Of course, acting tough will deter them a bit but not completely.<br /> For me, with repeated bad experiences with harassment, it came to a point where I was able to grab the hand of the offenders *before* they grabbed my behind and I gave them a good elbow in their belly. That left them without breath and their companions made fun of them instead of harassing me.<br /> I know that harassment also exists in the US and I am not trying to minimize it but harassment is definitely worse in other countries. That's why I posted the video on how to deal with harassment, it rang true to me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1759493 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 14:03:42 +0000 Janet 1759493@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gaylene's remarks also reminded me that I got a number of comments of the "que linda mamacita" variety as recently as when I was exploring around Havana last year, and way back when I was in my 20s walking around Rome by myself. Women in many other countries besides the US definitely experience a lot of this to a greater degree.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1759492 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 13:59:22 +0000 Janet 1759492@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a few thoughts on this based on my experience of this phenomenon, and some of it might seem contradictory.&nbsp;</p> <p>I've had my share of this over the years, but it never seems threatening or intimidating. Sometimes I can actually tell when it's about to happen, and you know what? Meeting someone in the eye and giving them a smile has often worked to disarm them. On the other hand, there are times I think my natural Resting Bitch Face has served to warn people away. ;-)</p> <p>I get a number of comments, even though I'm now obviously middle-aged, that walk the line. They especially seem to happen when I'm in my workout gear, either going for a run, or walking to or from the gym, and always in the urban environment (Baltimore, not Annapolis). There are garden-variety compliments from passing strange men on the street like "you look nice today," which happen when I'm in street clothes, not workout gear, and I take those at face value and say "thank you." Then there was the guy who felt compelled to remark on my "baby-making hips" (!!) That clearly crosses the line and gets a dirty look in response. I was so taken aback I didn't even think of a vocal comeback. I've heard some very direct remarks about my body when I'm out running, and that's not cool, even if they are not unkind.&nbsp;</p> <p>I have a curvy body type, and I agree with others who have mentioned that seems to invite comments (even when I was skinny), but I think sometimes the natural RBF mitigates it -- that, and I tend to walk quickly and purposefully, and I also tend to look passersby in the face, and I often give them a small smile or even a "good morning." I think this often helps to humanize us in the eyes of would-be harassers. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1759469 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 11:21:24 +0000 Staysfit 1759469@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>AZ, I have had a similar experience to you. I believe it's mostly because I am tall. I am not cute or curvy. I have never been particularly pretty. I walk with authority and power and I have always felt that I have authority, confidence, and power, even when I was a teenager. I was a good athlete. I did well academically. I had good friends. I even worked as a lifeguard and while wearing my skimpy swimsuit no one dared to harass or catcall. I have been told many times by my friends that they were intimidated by me before they got to know me. Something about the first impression I give off is intimidating and off putting. Men have never harassed me, ever, and if they objectify me, they must do it behind my back and out of earshot. I think I am saying this is related to my physical stature and personality combined.</p> <p>I have a friend who gets catcalls, etc. all the time. We have had this conversation. She has said it's possible that I don't notice the harassment because it doesn't rise to enough of an annoyance level for me to bother with it. That would essentially mean, I ignore it and don't react which in turn would quickly extinguish it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1759463 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 10:27:00 +0000 em 1759463@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a story to add, too.</p> <p>When I was in college I was walking to a dinner thing. I was dressed in some sort of slinky dress and high heels. I was strolling down Main Street and a car whizzed past; the passenger (a young college guy) rolled down the window and started whistling. The drive turned to add his appreciation and, as he was not looking ahead...drove into the car in front of him. He wasn't going very fast and there wasn't much more than a dent but oh boy.&nbsp;</p> <p>:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1759418 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 01:59:01 +0000 MsMaven 1759418@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I meant to give my history of all this, but I got distracted.&nbsp;</p> <p>One story somewhat related. When I was a fairly new lawyer, one of my fellow associates insisted I go to a lunch with one of his clients and other young male associates. I was the only woman there. So we get the the restaurant and this old fart makes some comment about what? I don't remember exactly but that he wanted to bring along his porn collection is what he meant. The other lawyers sort of froze, but I breezily said, "Great! I'll bring my collection of Playgirl photos!" (Don't know if it's still around, but Playgirl was a 1970s magazine that featured male beefcake.)&nbsp;</p> <p>The old and very unattractive client shut up and we had a nice lunch.</p> <p>Usually I am slow to come up with a good comeback, but not that day.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1758632 Thu, 08 Dec 2016 15:09:41 +0000 Von 1758632@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I will say that it has been happening to me since I was in my teens and now that I'm nearing 40, hasn't really died off. I do have the face that says *F-You* quite clearly when I'm annoyed, and I'm not above cursing someone out on the streets. Then of course, you get to deal with the inevitable <i>hurt feelings</i> of said man who was "Just trying to tell you how beautiful you are, but screw you".&nbsp; Oh ok, yeah.... still not gonna happen buddy! I refuse to feel guilty because you gave me a creepy stalker man compliment and I dont HAVE to accept it. I won't accept it, and now that I'm older, I'm also much bolder. Because I have on a dress, or a skirt, or even my jeans, I did NOT get dressed for your amusement or enjoyment.&nbsp; Sadly, it's hard for men to reconcile this, and they're "genuinely" baffled when you have a major attitude about their harassing "compliment" of you. </p> <p>I've been catcalled in groups, and in single servings, I'll say it's MUCH more fun to shame a man in a group though, so those are my favorites :).&nbsp; </p> <p>ETA I have the typical hourglass figure that's hard to hide in anything. It annoys me greatly that people think they're the first to notice this and need to give me a "compliment" for it.&nbsp; Gee thanks, I'm just slumming after hot yoga, in my leggings, all extra funk-tastic and wet, and I don't need to have something I'm self conscious about constantly brought to my attention...you're gonna get an attitude 97% of the time from me!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1758318 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 18:58:50 +0000 Gaylene 1758318@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Aziraphale, I think the kind of brief, public flirtation I described in my last paragraph isn't common these days because attitudes and times work against it. Most younger males wouldn't have clue how deliver a flirtatious remark without resorting to vulgarity and crudeness. And most women today just aren't interested in filtering out the oblique messages inherent in public flirtation and in tailoring a response to fit the sender and situation. It's easier just to ignore, scowl, retaliate in kind, or retreat into a shell.</p> <p>My sons would be very leery of public flirtation because they've been schooled to see the females in their lives as smart, intelligent equals. They'd recoil at making suggestive comments to a stranger or worry about having a remark misinterpreted so they stick to complimenting their wives. If I could hazard a guess, I'd say your dilemma comes hanging out in places where males are overly eager to treat women with respect and consideration. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1758313 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 18:49:35 +0000 Anonymous 1758313@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Aziraphale, I think you answered the question when you said you don't walk alone very often. Literally every time it's happened to me I've been walking alone. I spend a lot of time walking and riding buses in an urban area. The only time my husband has ever seen it happen we were on a bus together, but sitting separately. But even having a female friend with me seems to discourage it.</p> <p>I think it's really interesting how people are differentiating between harassment and genuine compliments. I would say 95% of the comments I've gotten have been polite, not crude. However, for me, having comments about my appearance called out at me still feels intrusive and can make me feel unsafe, even if the sentiment is relatively nice. At the risk of seeming rude, I almost alway act as if I didn't hear. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1758278 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 17:18:12 +0000 Anonymous 1758278@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My experience is similar to what some others have already touched on. When I lived in certain areas, catcalling seemed to be part of the local "flavor," for lack of a better way to put it. In those areas, a woman could be walking down the street wearing sweats two sizes too big and still be subjected to a multitude of "hey good lookin'" remarks (though usually they were much, much more vulgar than that). However, I've lived in other places where catcalling just didn't happen.</p> <p> I also agree that catcalling tends to happen more often when men are together in groups. When I was in college, the area around campus was really bad as far as that kind of thing occurring. I remember one incident in particular where a group of guys in a pickup truck began making horrible, frighteningly obscene comments to me about my physique and what they wanted to "do" to me. I was terrified. And it was obvious that they were egging each other on. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1758051 Wed, 07 Dec 2016 01:32:00 +0000 elpgal 1758051@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I"ll join your pity party, AZ. Never been cat-called or flirted with. How does it work, exactly, lol? No double-takes, sidelong looks either. But plenty of sexual harassment and several instances of men exposing themselves *ick*. This was in India. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1757971 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 20:22:17 +0000 Aziraphale 1757971@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Suz, I waitressed at the university professor's club -- a restaurant open to the public but frequented mostly be instructors -- so maybe that's why. University profs probably know better than to harass students. :-)</p> <p>ma342, yes, I imagine it would feel gross. It's not like I'm wishing for catcalls -- just wondering why the heck it's never happened to me!</p> <p>Gaylene -- well now I feel even worse! I never get male attention of any kind anymore (and frankly not much ever!), even the kind of lighthearted flirtation you describe. That second kind would be nice. Wah.</p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion/page/2#post-1757953 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 19:36:52 +0000 Gaylene 1757953@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Cat calling used to be par for the course when, as young female university students, we walked to campus past construction sites in the 60s and 70s. It was also common on the street where groups of teenage males hung out. In my mind, those remarks had nothing to do with our attractiveness--heck, half the time we were bundled up in winter gear! Traveling without a male companion in certain countries as a young woman also meant suffering through episodes of pinching and grabbing in crowded, public places. It was instructive watching how older women dealt with that harassment by spatting out a few words while slapping the offender's hand or face--aggression was met with aggression. </p> <p>To me, as annoying and disgusting as that kind of cat calling was, it had nothing to do with ME because it was so obviously directed at any female who happened to be in that particular location at that moment. To those males, I was just another set of long hair, boobs, and a butt on legs and the remarks said more about the kind of person spewing that garbage than about me. I got used to handling that kind of obnoxious behaviour in the same way those Italian women did if the cat callers invaded my person space--looking disdainful, ignoring them, or even publicly slapping away an errant hand. </p> <p>Sexual harassment, however, was another matter, especially when I encountered it my workplace. That I felt WAS directed at me. As others have said, it was about some male trying to wield power by forcing me into a stereotyped image of what he thought my role ought to be. That perception got skewed when I refused to accept those "compliments". Most of my male colleagues quickly caught on to where the boundaries were drawn. If they mentioned my appearance, it was more along the "nice tie" kind of joking that occurs between friends. I tried very hard never to blur the lines between me and my male colleagues in my work environments.</p> <p>But I do enjoy male attention, compliments, and side glances when the situation is right and when the intent is to attract me instead of repel me. A homeless man, sitting on the street, put a smile on my face a few days ago when he looked up, smiled, and called out "Nice boots!" as I walked by. He got a smile and a dollar in his jar as I wished him a nice day in return. The transaction pleased both of us. That encounter reminded me so much of the "sei bella!" compliment young women would often get in Rome. The speakers were often older gentlemen who would look at you directly, kiss their fingertips, and deliver the compliment with a smile. Getting one of those thrown my way would always put an extra spring in my step. In my mind, the key to this kind of "cat calling" is the positive intent and the recognition of both parties' uniqueness in that moment--a momentary kind of flirtation between men and women which is fun and lighthearted. But maybe, in this era of sexual politics, this kind of flirtation isn't possible anymore? Too bad, because, done in the right spirit, it can be empowering to both parties. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757952 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 19:32:47 +0000 Helena 1757952@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think Kaelyn has a great point - these things usually happen when there is a group (traditionally men, but sadly some women have decided this is an area they'd like to stake some claim to equality - that's a different topic!) trying to show off to one another.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757948 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 19:17:51 +0000 Suz 1757948@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well, if you don't walk alone, that explains a lot. Most of the harassment I've experienced has happened when I was walking alone, though also sometimes (especially when I was younger) it would happen when I was walking or biking with female friends. In some countries, travelling, it happened when I was walking with my boyfriend.&nbsp;</p> <p>So far it has not happened since my hair turned grey, but hey. Never say never.&nbsp;</p> <p>I'm amazed you never got it at work -- my <b>BOSSES </b>harassed me in some of the restaurants I worked in. Not to mention the patrons. </p> <p>&nbsp;As <b>ma342</b> says, it's always about power and it always feels gross.&nbsp;</p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757941 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 18:44:27 +0000 ma342 1757941@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think levels of street harassment are driven by specific environment/context. I've lived quite a few different places, and the amount of harassment I've had to deal with has ranged from high (frat row on a Saturday night) to almost nonexistent (my current neighborhood). More specifically, I have found the chance of men engaging in this nonsense are much higher if they are 1) in a group, 2) have been drinking, and 3) are under the age of 40.</p> <p>I don't think that what I wear or how I present myself has much to do with it. I've been harassed while wearing baggy jeans and Birkenstocks, while wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, while wearing a shapeless down parka and clompy snowboots. I've been harassed when my hair was long and when it was short. I was harassed as a preteen and as a middle aged woman. It is always about power, and it always feels gross. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757925 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 18:10:27 +0000 Aziraphale 1757925@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>RobinF, I can relate to that! I HAVE experienced sexism. (I have also become increasingly attuned to subtle forms of sexism that I may not have noticed when I was younger). Luckily not that often, but it happens. I also think the results of the US election this year were largely due to a persistent undercurrent of sexism that plagues the U.S. (and probably Canada, too, although I hope to a lesser degree).</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757924 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 18:05:14 +0000 RobinF 1757924@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I understand exactly what you are saying. I have never been cat-called or harassed in those ways either. I think I do tend to scowl when I am not talking and maybe give off certain vibes but it is also that I haven't often been in those common situations. I work in finance and there is plenty of sexism but not so much harassment, at least in my experience.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757922 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 18:02:42 +0000 Aziraphale 1757922@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Suz and gradfashionista, thanks for the reassuring words. I have heard about women being subject to negative harassment too (although I've never experienced that either) and that's even more upsetting. I also know it's true that young women get harassed more -- but when I was young, I never did! And you'd think I'd have been a target. (btw your story about men trying to pick you up for your "services" is darkly funny). :-)</p> <p>rachylou, lol, I'm not planning on inviting catcalls! Interesting that you say that artiness discourages it. I wouldn't have guessed.</p> <p>Joyce, I showed a few people that video you posted, and we all got a chuckle. Thanks for the link! (I live in Vancouver, Canada, btw).</p> <p>Sterling, thanks also for the reassuring words. I thought about it hard yesterday, after reading your response, and realized that when I was young, I almost never went anywhere alone. And now that I'm an adult, I go to kid events and places, and to university (I drive there and back). If I go out and do adult things, I'm with other adults. I never walk streets alone, unless we're talking busy downtown streets in the daytime, and even then it's not often.</p> <p>Thank you, Shevia. I would like to think my posture discourages unwanted attention! ;-)</p> <p>Cynthia, that's interesting that you never got harassed when dressed as a stagehand! That lends some weight to the idea that people's fashion choices affect their likelihood of being harassed. Not, of course, that women who want to dress up <i>deserve</i> harassment of any kind! But it suggests that one could dress to discourage it (or, as Rachylou said, encourage it).&nbsp;<br />&nbsp;<br />Rebekahphoto, your strip club story made me chuckle!</p> <p>Suz, I waited tables for a couple of years. No one ever harassed me then, either!&nbsp;</p> <p>Rabbit, I think you're right that it's worse in some parts of the world. I've been to England (lots), Scotland, Wales, Ireland, France, and Italy, plus a number of American states, and that's pretty much it -- never anywhere like Mexico or India. And now that I think about it, I've never travelled alone, unless it was to come home when we were living in the U.S. I live in Canada. Hmm.</p> <p>Kaelyn, thanks for the reassurance. :-)</p> <p>Runcarla, it's interesting that you (like Suz) have distinguished between a flirtatious comment and a harassing one. I think you're right. I've had a few flirtatious comments from people over the years (not many, though!) and it wasn't threatening at all. Also interesting that your sons have experienced catcalling from women! I'd never heard of that. (And frankly, I'm a bit disappointed to hear it).</p> <p>Sammi, well, hopefully it's just that I don't appear vulnerable. ;-)</p> <p>Astrid, you are one of several people to mention "comfortable" shoes being a harassment deterrent. How interesting. I know I wore nothing but doc martens and birkenstocks in my youth, and both are as unsexy as women's shoes get! In fact, in my teens and early twenties, I wouldn't have been caught dead in high heels because I used to think they were for pathetic "weak" girls! Lol. I love them now, and they sure don't make me feel weak!</p> <p>Summer and texstyle, you are among the many who mention construction sites. Now that I think about it, I don't know that I've ever walked past one. Driven/ridden a bus past one -- YES. It seems like Vancouver's been under construction for my entire lifetime!</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757873 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 14:55:47 +0000 texstyle 1757873@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it is more of a thing with groups of men or groups of women (yes, women do the cat calling thing too). Often I think they just think it's funny - even if it is done as a side handed compliment. Yes, I've had it happen, but never in a way or place where I felt threatened. Mostly it was in larger cities and esp. with construction crews. It's like one of their "things" to entertain themselves I think.</p> <p>I'm not sure how much of this is going on these days - people are so much more worried about being called out for it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757796 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 11:05:17 +0000 Summer 1757796@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Goodness, it's a long time since I've had to worry about this sort of attention!<br />From my mid-teens, I would get whistled at quite regularly - mostly when passing construction sites.&nbsp; This would be back in the '60s, when that kind of behaviour was thought acceptable.&nbsp; I remember feeling very embarrassed, and hurrying past as fast as I could - probably not the best way to deal with it, but I was young.&nbsp; Worryingly, I would also get whistled while wearing my school uniform.&nbsp; In the light of numerous scandals in the news now, that makes me shudder.<br />Have men now got the message that this sort of attention is unwanted and totally unacceptable?&nbsp; I like to think that this is the case, but I'll have to rely on the younger members here to put me straight.<br />At any rate, if you are <i>not</i> being cat-called, I would regard that as a sign that the message is finally sinking in, and definitely <b><i>NOT</i></b> that you are in any way unattractive.&nbsp; <br /><b></b></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757783 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 08:21:20 +0000 Astrid 1757783@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can't remember any occasion of being harassed either. And it's not just because I never went to certain places. I had friends tell me stories who were walking around in the same places I did. I also never get asked out and people usually assume I'm not interested or in a relationship. I don't know why. Someone once told me I was giving off these vibes of "don't talk to me" and "this is my personal space no step further". Although it was also implicated that me wearing comfortable shoes with a pretty dress was an indicator of not wanting any attention at all, so I couldn't really take them seriously. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757779 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 06:05:27 +0000 Anonymous 1757779@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've noticed that amount of street harassment I've experienced has depended on a few odd things. It was worst when I was in my twenties, on sunny days, and times when I wore my hair long. However, I don't think it has much to do with the way you present yourself. It's happened to me when I was in sweats and once 8 months pregnant. I agree with the others who said it has more to do with power dynamics and perhaps appearing vulnerable. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757777 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 05:58:16 +0000 Carla 1757777@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What others have said - when I was younger and walking alone (usually too and from work) and in a dress with longer and redder hair. I still get occaisional harassment when out for a training run or bike ride. Usually random dumb-ass stuff shouted from guys in trucks. It used to scare me when I was younger. Now I just think - Idiot! - and keep on going. </p> <p>FWIW - It can happen to men too. Both DSs have been 'wolf whistled' by women while out for training runs, and had someone shout something out at them based on their appearance. DH (when he was younger) and DS#2 have had strangers (men) try to provoke a fight with them just because they were big (tall, muscular) men! (Neither are fighters.)</p> <p>I don't think it has anything to do with 'fashion' but it may have to do with appearance skewing strongly feminine or masculine and giving off a 'vibe' even if it is a stereotype. It provokes a response in folks, that is generally not acted on, but in some cases such as when inhibitions are lowered, goes uncensored. </p> <p>i believe it IS different then the appreciative double-take or the genuine compliment 'looking good!' - from either sex, given to either sex. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757769 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 05:13:33 +0000 Kaelyn 1757769@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Like others have said (I only skimmed, so I apologize if this is redundant), catcalling is about power rather than attraction. I've actually also read that it's more for men than for women. Men are more likely to do it in the presence of other men. It's a way of establishing dominance. A stupid one, but there you have it.</p> <p>That said, I totally understand how you feel. I have experienced relatively little sexual harassment of any kind. I have friends who are harassed all the time, and I think the last time I was catcalled was five years ago. And it's not just that, I don't seem to attract much attention from men in general. It's always been like this. I don't mind it so much now, but it used to really bother me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757764 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 04:07:50 +0000 rabbit 1757764@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Echoing that my experience has been it has everything to do with the location and the men that are hanging out there, and not that much to do with the woman walking by. &nbsp; I also think it's more likely when there is more than one guy (even if the others are only observers) and only one woman, &nbsp;or if a solo guy it's someone passing by quickly on foot or in a car (i.e. they are less likely to have to deal with your reaction and therefore feel emboldened). &nbsp;It's almost always had an element of power differential that I can remember. &nbsp;</p> <p>I've experienced it most often in cities in Mexico, Italy and India/Nepal outside of construction sites in cities in the US, but there it's sometimes been closer to flirting vs. displaying aggression, or at least that's how I perceived it on some occasions. &nbsp; The two kinds of approaches sometimes felt very different to me in times I can remember. &nbsp;I don't &nbsp;remember catcalling in North America ever feeling friendly.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757756 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 03:33:39 +0000 Suz 1757756@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Construction sites are the worst. It is a show-off thing for men to do in front of other men. Construction sites or other places that men congregate without women.&nbsp;</p> <p>It used to happen to me a lot when I waited tables, too. And occasionally, although less often, when working retail.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757752 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 03:26:25 +0000 rebekahphoto 1757752@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I used to get catcalled a fair amount, and I think it typically was the most when in a city environment or construction sites--some of the worst. when I walk fast and have a resting bitch face, I must give out a "don't mess with me" vibe as I feel there are less catcalls &amp; I generally can just go about my business un-harassed.</p> <p>On a funny note, once in my mid-twenties on the way home from work during rush hour my car broke down on Denny (a busy street in seattle) I was able to coast up on the curb, and there was a phone booth! yay! It also was directly in front of a strip club, and that day I was wearing my vintage leopard jacket combined with my black skirt and long blond hair.... I suddenly started hearing horns honk, and honk and honk! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-sexual-harassment-and-fashion#post-1757748 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 03:18:10 +0000 cindysmith 1757748@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I noticed that I never got any unwanted attention when I was dressed for work as a stagehand. The job generally required all black, and sensible shoes or boots. And my most valuable tool as a stagehand was a pocketknife, which I wore visibly clipped to my pocket for easy access because it really was my most used tool. Whenever I was dressed for work, I was also in the work mindset, which was very no-nonsense, because the work was hard and it lasted all freaking day and night and the touring crews were generally fairly cranky. So I'm pretty sure I was giving off vibes that said something like "I will freaking shank you" or something LOL </p> <p>All that to say that it probably isn't that you're unattractive or anything like that. It's probably not about your looks, but that dudes sense that it wouldn't be wise. you could be projecting an air of "I have pepper spray and I will use it". Also, like it's been said, you could be fortunate enough to be in an area where it wasn't acceptable. </p>