https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 18 Apr 2026 09:07:28 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046714 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 16:31:32 +0000 Anonymous 2046714@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"Are they real"?!?!? Yikes! I say call out the offender and say sweetly "Are what real?" Make him feel ashamed!<br /> I don't mind compliments if they're not creepy aka "you look gooood" from men. It's a small town and I'm in a very public job, so can't say B%¿¿*^ off. I just say thank you", make sure my wedding ring is obvious, and don't engage further. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046697 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 15:37:50 +0000 Anonymous 2046697@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sometimes awkward compliments can be deflected by focusing on the climate of the conversation. I've had some success with stream of consciousness redirects like " I'm not sure I really like where this is going.."</p> <p>Also I have no problem running away if necessary hahaha</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046605 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 11:18:01 +0000 Janet 2046605@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>FI, I’m laughing but I can tell that my comments often do challenge you. Thanks for appreciating a differing perspective!</p> <p>For what it’s worth, regarding that last bit about responding to “are they real” body comments... I did not always respond like that. I’ve had “me too” moments in my younger life that were based on a premise of flattery and manipulative compliments. They cowed and shamed me at the time, but I’ve grown a lot since then. If anyone tries that with me now, they best prepare to feel uncomfortable themselves. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046601 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 11:07:59 +0000 Jules 2046601@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I feel your post less about compliments and more about dressing to fit in vs. dressing to stand out (or just in a more unique &amp; personal way). Certainly when I am in a new work role or other new-to-me situation I tend to want to blend in and not seek attention, and that’s reflected in how I dress. As I get more comfortable I get a little freer. I’m in kind of an interesting situation where I work with all guys who are not fashion concious or even really business casual (IT - old jeans and tee shirts are considered appropriate for even for big city conferences) so I can really wear just about anything and no one will say a word. They did more when we were all younger but now nobody cares at all which works for me! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046591 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 10:36:25 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2046591@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>OMG, Janet, you and I are so opposite! It often takes me a minute to figure out what you’re saying, and some of your comments push me to write more clearly. I treasure that about you—learning to understand other people is hard, and so important. But that last comment takes the cake! I understand your logic, but truly cannot “get” it. Even in the privacy of my own home, with my kid in the other room, trying to say those words makes me extremely uncomfortable! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046590 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 10:26:19 +0000 Jenni NZ 2046590@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I guess it is a complicated and loaded topic for women, although I don’t really find it so. I know my husband and I have discussed it and he would genuinely like to give women ( he works with almost all women, there is one other male in a staff of about 8, and there are a lot of women clients) compliments if he really likes something about their outfits. He has learned that is essentially safe to do so about footwear, very occasionally skirts provided they are longish skirts, and maybe earrings. Pretty much above neck or below knee. He is very conscious of not wanting to be thought inappropriate. And I think it’s kind of a shame how much he has to worry about it when I can give a woman a compliment without worrying about it. I am more careful I suppose about giving a man a compliment though, maybe just a comment on a really nice shirt or sweater. I recognise these things can be fraught. But mostly it would be nice to just have a genuine human interaction? Humans have paid attention to appearance since the caveman ( and cave women) days right? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046573 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 08:00:47 +0000 Jaime 2046573@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When I was younger I was the absolute worst at taking compliments - cringing, denial, embarrassment. With age I have learned to be more gracious (I hope). I mostly get hair comments - so much so I started carrying around my hairdresser's card. Or hat comments - people love my wide hats.&nbsp;<br />I am shy but am free and flowing with compliments whenever I see my friends, and working on complimenting people I see regularly through work or routine.&nbsp;<br />It is interesting, if not surprising, to see what a complicated and loaded topic this is for women. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046538 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 03:31:13 +0000 DonnaF 2046538@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Another thought, and do recall that I am rarely if ever in a corporate environment and most of my compliments come from fellow congregants: My most touching came from a shy 13 year old girl who said she liked my style. A teenager!!! (Her moms dress in colors that flatter them, but not a whole lot of style though I love them both dearly.) So in retrospect I think I dress not to get compliments but to show that one can be in one's mid-sixties and dress with a little flare and fun and not look like one has given up. And no doubt with my gray hair, these kids think I am in my 80s! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046500 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 01:28:00 +0000 Gigi 2046500@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I get compliments on my dressing from time to time. I suppose it makes me a little uncomfortable, simply because I don't like a lot of attention, but I genuinely appreciate the compliments and would rather get them than not. I say thank you and often add some other piece of information, such as where I got a particular item or what my motivation was for buying a particular item.</p> <p>When I give compliments, I generally try to focus more on the outfit itself rather than the person, at least if it's a stranger. So instead of saying, "You look great!" I will say, "That's such a pretty top" or "I love the color of your jeans" or "Those shoes are amazing!" I think that helps the comment feel less creepy and less body oriented. If the person I'm admiring is a friend, I will probably start with "You look great!" and then say what I like about the outfit.</p> <p>I'm in my forties, and I do sometimes dress down to avoid being noticed, especially if I'm going to be in the company of a lot of men. Sometimes I also avoid wearing makeup for that reason. I can certainly understand the need to dress very conservatively if you are female in a male-dominated field, especially when you are just starting out. I use clothing for lots of emotional reasons: to feel happy, to feel relaxed, and to feel safe. It all depends on your emotional need at the time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046462 Sun, 21 Jul 2019 21:59:35 +0000 Janet 2046462@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Complimenting on body appearance is just weird to me unless the complimenter knows the subject is actively working on their body and comments on it (in essence, fishing for compliments). Even then, I prefer to give a “good for you for pursuing fitness and health” kind of response. Honestly, I’m just not looking that hard at people’s bodies, ya know? </p> <p>I have gotten the “are those real?” question in my life, and I respond with a beat or two of a direct, expressionless gaze, and then quote Seinfeld’s ex: “They’re real, and they’re spectacular.” Making a joke always helps me deflect uncomfortable moments. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046459 Sun, 21 Jul 2019 21:51:53 +0000 Style Fan 2046459@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a very interesting topic.&nbsp; Sal raised a few good points.&nbsp; I am very careful about commenting about weight and appearance.&nbsp; I worked in an adolescence eating disorder clinic for several years.&nbsp; Body image is a very loaded topic.<br />I dislike men complimenting me on my appearance which seems to happen.&nbsp; I thought that would stop now that I am in my 60s.<br />I did have a young woman compliment me on the way I had put an outfit together.&nbsp; The way she said it felt very genuine and I felt good about that.&nbsp; I thanked her for it.<br />At work I would prefer to be 'complimented' on the job I was doing.&nbsp; My work didn't operate like that exactly but work is work. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046435 Sun, 21 Jul 2019 20:19:15 +0000 Sal 2046435@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a fascinating topic. Thanks for starting it.</p> <p>As a young person in business I definitely did not like compliments on my appearance - and I don’t think I dressed particularly well. I veered from a bit too loud to a bit too conservative from day to day. And being blonde sometimes led to a certain type of jokes.</p> <p>Fast forward 25 years and I am more comfortable in my own skin. I try to compliment others - and I like it when people notice that I have made an effort.</p> <p>I very very rarely comment on weight and do not like others talking about this. People lose and gain weight for all sorts of reasons, good and bad. I struggled hearing people compliment a family member on her gorgeous figure when she was bulimic. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046416 Sun, 21 Jul 2019 19:45:09 +0000 CocoLion 2046416@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The compliments I receive these days are not related to my clothing. &nbsp;I wear all black because I run a restaurant. &nbsp;I want to be a kabuki stagehand rather than stand out. &nbsp;I want to look professional.</p> <p>I get compliments from my crew that are very strange. &nbsp;The females will say sweet things like "you look pretty" when I have just applied makeup. &nbsp;Funny when it loses its freshness I never get that compliment. &nbsp;The other things I get from the females are "you have a great figure for your age." &nbsp;Kind of a backhanded compliment.</p> <p>Then there is a cook, who I recently fired, who likes to come in and harass me. &nbsp;He used to call me "little lady." &nbsp;Last time he came in he asked if my b00bs were real. &nbsp;Fortunately I have always been thick-skinned about sexual comments. &nbsp;I am not a thick skinned person but for some reason I just take these comments in stride. &nbsp;I am from a different generation, not the me too generation, and just figured this is boys being boys who were going to harass you if you worked in their world. &nbsp;I have plenty of stories over the years of behavior that would be considered illegal but feared retaliation if I reported them. &nbsp;And the men that most upset me were not the harassers but the perfect gentlemen underminers who saw me as competition and back stabbed me. &nbsp;I'm not saying sexual harassment is ok. &nbsp;It's just there are many ways women can be undermined and they are not illegal they are prized male corporate warfare tactics that are rewarded. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046362 Sun, 21 Jul 2019 18:01:10 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2046362@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just came across this article and was reminded of this topic. Even if you don’t read the German, I’m sure you can tell it’s about the fashion choices of Angela Merkel. On one hand, it says she has gotten to a point where her fashion &amp; politics speak for themselves, but on the other....there’s this article.<br /> I suppose it isn’t your age or point in your career—not sure how Merkel could go any higher—but also about the field you’re in. <a href="https://m.gala.de/beauty-fashion/fashion/fashion-looks--der-style-von-bundeskanzlerin-angela-merkel-21412350.html" rel="nofollow">https://m.gala.de/beauty-fashi.....12350.html</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046254 Sun, 21 Jul 2019 11:36:40 +0000 Cardiff girl 2046254@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am British so obviously I go rigid with embarrassment if any one so much as looks in my direction however I am secretly thrilled if I get a complement and have been in training on how to the receive one graciously. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl/page/2#post-2046168 Sun, 21 Jul 2019 00:11:44 +0000 rose 2046168@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love to give compliments, find it harder get them, and especially love it when my private “Style Council” aka my three (sometimes brutally) honest daughters tell me they like what I’m wearing!! I know that if they say it they mean it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046163 Sun, 21 Jul 2019 00:04:29 +0000 Suz 2046163@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My context is different -- mostly self-employed in a creative field and sometimes working as a teacher -- plus I'm in <b>DonnaF</b>'s age group, so my main goals are to look current and "with it" and to dress to please myself. I rarely have to worry about exuding gravitas. But I do remember those days from earlier in my life and I agree it can be a tricky balance.&nbsp;</p> <p>As for compliments, I get and give them all the time. They do sometimes make me feel a bit embarrassed or awkward, but I try to accept them graciously, and I've even learned to enjoy them!&nbsp;</p> <p>Meanwhile, I <b>love</b> complimenting others. A great outfit brings me joy! A person who's dressing well makes me happy. And I really appreciate it when someone can accept a compliment gracefully and go on with their day feeling a bit better.&nbsp;</p> <p>I tend to get most compliments on my hair (and I always recommend my stylist), my footwear (as a less body-focused compliment I've noticed that men and women seem more comfortable mentioning shoes), and my whole outfit. I also get more general comments like, "You always look so stylish!" And when I wear red, people never fail to comment on that. Other colours also sometimes elicit the "that colour looks great on you" response -- but mostly red. People also sometimes ask me where I purchased this or that item, which I take as a less direct compliment.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046152 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 22:59:31 +0000 Anonymous 2046152@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This has always been a complicated subject for me.&nbsp; I get compliments on my clothes and my hair all the time - as obnoxious as I know that sounds , but I'm often dressed quite differently than other women around me.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;I always deflect the hair comments back to&nbsp; what a great stylist I have and I'm happy to refer other women to her when they ask.&nbsp; The clothes comments make me feel uncomfortable when it's done with other people present - I don't feel that's appropriate.&nbsp; When it's between friends in a social setting, it's less awkward . Of course I like to compliment other people on great outfits, an interesting piece of jewellery, or a&nbsp; cool pair of shoes, but&nbsp; only in a social/non-professional setting ....or if it's at work, not with other people around. I don't particularly love getting comments from men, I do admit.&nbsp; I find it too personal.</p> <p>&nbsp;I'm not inclined to compliment strangers as I feel a bit weird when I get a comment from some random person I don't know.&nbsp; The CEO at fitness centre I work at&nbsp; likes to compliment me on my blazers, when I really wish she'd compliment me on how valuable an employee I was instead :)&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>And Smittie - being checked out is the weirdest feeling ever, I agree. When another woman inadvertently does the eyes-up-and-down thing, I almost want to laugh. It's so obvious , it's quite hilarious. I probably do it too though - I'm always checking everyone out ;)&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046125 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 21:51:23 +0000 Kate 2046125@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I enjoy getting them, and I really enjoy giving them.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046124 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 21:48:52 +0000 smittie 2046124@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>“Looked me up and down” was the wrong choice of words. I just mean that sometimes, another woman will look at you a certain way. Maybe she’s judging me. That’s true. I prefer to think she’s admiring my outfit but that might just my perennial rose-coloured glasses! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046120 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 21:38:40 +0000 Jenni NZ 2046120@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don’t consider that I thought about it much for many years, perhaps because I bought my own business aged 30 and so no-one could really affect my career as such then? And I was a Mum and some of what I wore was not as professional as it probably should have been. But most of the people I was looking after were families as well, or elderly. As the children got older and I started to look for an extra job on the side, I became more aware of what I was wearing. The “professional” dress code for a group job interview as a presenter in 2010 petrified me and that’s when I saw a stylist, I was 49. She helped a lot and I felt good but didn’t get the job- only 2 out of 8 or something did. Since then compliments have been frequent, mostly on brighter coloured items especially shoes, which I enjoy and also try to reciprocate. The cobalt boots are the most complimented item in my entire life from both men and women, at least one compliment every day they are worn I’d say. It’s gratifying! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046110 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 21:01:28 +0000 notsaf 2046110@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you, everyone, for all the thoughtful responses!&nbsp;</p> <p>I really appreciate what&nbsp;<b>christy,</b>&nbsp;<b>FIashintern, DonnaF</b>, and others&nbsp;have been saying above about the (sometimes tricky) balance necessary for self-presentation for women, especially young ones, in professional fields that are traditionally more conservative. That's my context, too.</p> <p>What&nbsp;<b>Fashintern&nbsp;</b>wrote really resonates with my own thinking:&nbsp;"<i>I also don't like giving the impression that a woman's appearance is what matters, so I find other things to give compliments on.”&nbsp;</i>I feel that way really strongly, so never comment on my colleagues' appearance, even when they look fab!</p> <p>Across the board, we all seem to agree that&nbsp;<u>context matters</u>. And no one should be surprised by how many of you make a point of complimenting strangers! Kudos for that, because -- as Christy's story shows -- positive social interaction goes both ways.</p> <p>I'm still working through my own thinking on all of this, but in the meantime thank you so much for sharing your stories. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046057 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 18:44:44 +0000 Anonymous 2046057@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like them, I give them, but I think context is important. It can be inappropriate to direct attention to a person's appearance even with good intentions.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046053 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 18:34:19 +0000 rachylou 2046053@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, yes. I’m thinking about business - not academia, nor not-for-profits. Or show biz. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046046 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 18:19:35 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2046046@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>“a stylish woman will look me up and down, and I can tell she’s checking out my outfit ”<br /> Skeeves me out when a man does it, gives me chills and makes me feel judged when a woman does. </p> <p>RL, are you talking about organization with clear hierarchies? Academics all have to please everyone, because everyone chimes in on your tenure applications, blind journal reviews aren’t really, the person next to you at the conference might be deciding on the next grant application you turn in. So although there are “big bosses”, it wouldn’t make sense to only think of them in my field. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046041 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 18:08:52 +0000 rachylou 2046041@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like compliments/comments on my clothes from everyone except the bosses. There’s only a couple of bosses I’ve ever had whose commenting I enjoyed: a sarcastic dude from Brooklyn many years my senior and my English ex-boss, who was a salesman and all about the clothes himself. I’d rather be noticed for more serious things by the big boss, whose time is always precious. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046033 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 17:44:20 +0000 DonnaF 2046033@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When I was just starting out, I Dressed for Success which was the big book in those days. I wanted to be taken Seriously. After all, I was a young Asian female in a white male dominated field. Fast forward 35 years. Now, I don’t want to be regarded as over the hill! Different mindset. </p> <p>I never dress for compliments, only to please myself. (Oh, I have a bit of a work costume which is more conservative but not as conservative as I would have worn when I was young.) And I get compliments which I have learned to accept graciously but still get embarrassed. Most are at church—which has taught me that I always need to be on my game there as folks have Expectations regarding how I present myself.</p> <p>As to complimenting others? I do it when I can, especially strangers. I mostly look for something that complements them versus an item that I lust for so that it is a commentary on their skill at putting their look together. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046032 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 17:44:08 +0000 smittie 2046032@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gretchen, I love your CFO’s “own it” attitude! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046031 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 17:41:14 +0000 Gretchen 2046031@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a style inspiration- the only female CFO I’ve ever seen in head to toe snake print suit. Her perspective was that she was going to stand out anyway as a woman in a mostly-male environment, so why not go all in? She looked amazing and made sure to compliment other women when she saw them looking fab. I’ve tried to follow her lead in dressing for myself and complimenting others along the way. It’s a little thing and brightens the persons day. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-receiving-compliments-irl#post-2046021 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 17:24:07 +0000 smittie 2046021@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, I get compliments on more noticeable outfits, and I am really hoping my other, less noticeable outfits are just as good, if in a more subtle way.</p> <p>Sometimes, a stylish woman will look me up and down, and I can tell she’s checking out my outfit (or I’ve got food in my teeth), and that is as good as a compliment to me :-)</p> <p>I have a “job” not a “career” and have not really tried to work my way up at all, so have not really considered clothes as helping/hindering me in that respect. Though I think in my sector, people well-and-truly do not care about clothes. </p>