https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 27 Apr 2026 00:09:19 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1244876 Wed, 07 May 2014 21:10:21 +0000 BethL 1244876@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad. I get it. I do. I never commented in Una's pretty thread, even though I've been following it from the beginning, and she posed such an interesting question. I had so many thoughts and reactions that each time I started to draft my own response, it got longer and longer until, finally, I didn't have the wherewithal to get it together. And by that point, I really didn't think anyone wanted to read what would have become a fairly pedantic essay-thing. </p> <p>Pretty as a concept is *loaded*. Because, ultimately, you're right: I believe much of it is due to privilege or lack thereof and how we use language. I believe we look at it through a variety of socio-cultural lenses that include things like body image, relationships with our mothers *and* our fathers (or other caretakers), location we hail from (for example, just in the US, the NY metro area vs. the American South - in general, there's typically a different emphasis on pretty), education, age, race, ethnicity, class, and even political bent. And also, what we inherently look like and our experiences of romantic/sexual relationships. </p> <p>I can imagine that there were a few (or more than a few) responses that made you feel crappy. If I weren't as inured to it as I am now, I would be feeling crappy, too. For what it's worth - and I'm not trying to make excuses or diminish how you feel - lots of people aren't used to scrutinizing their own reactions in these ways. </p> <p>It would be pretty boring if we were all exactly the same. It wouldn't be the same here without you and your lovely, smart different-ness. Of course, you know what's best for you, and you should do whatever you need to, but I hope you'll be able to come back. xoxo</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1244823 Wed, 07 May 2014 19:57:33 +0000 claracluck 1244823@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Have fun with fashion. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1244530 Wed, 07 May 2014 14:35:51 +0000 minimalist 1244530@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, what does "play nice" mean? And is it absolutely necessary? You're a key character around here, because you push beyond average fashion. Maybe edgy communication style is good, too.</p> <p>I'm arguably the least fashionable person on the forum. Yet I keep reading, primarily for the "fashion-philosophical" threads. That's just one facet of YLF; many members who don't fancy such discussions just skip them.</p> <p>In the past, I've noticed that you sometimes get personal in meta threads. Maybe some topics are just too raw, too recent for you to feel like tossing ideas around? In certain threads, a lot of things are going to be strongly worded in ways that represent the writer's own development, without meaning in any way to exclude other views or experiences. </p> <p>You don't have to play in those sandboxes if you don't like the toys shared there. Most of YLF is fashion-application, where you're a star. A pretty one at that. So, for sure, meet your needs for space. But maybe you can do that within the forum? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243967 Tue, 06 May 2014 23:28:17 +0000 Aziraphale 1243967@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, I have yet to see you write anything that makes me think you "can't play nice". You are never unkind. And the opinions you have come from real experiences. We all have different experiences, and different struggles. I always like to hear the perspectives of others!</p> <p>(Una, there's nothing wrong with starting threads that generate a lot of discussion! You <i>never</i> come off as hurtful).&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243941 Tue, 06 May 2014 23:06:17 +0000 annagybe 1243941@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I spoke too soon. I need more time away. I can't play nice. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243560 Tue, 06 May 2014 16:08:58 +0000 Jules 1243560@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't think there's a single forum member who isn't invested in their appearance or who would argue that appearance doesn't have currency. Those people are on another forum! Even people who reject conventional attractiveness to an extreme degree are quite self-aware/analytical about it, I find (I am thinking of the poster who gained a lot of weight and shaved her head).<br />I believe the discussion was not around rejecting being attractive, stylish, presentable etc but around the word pretty and people have a lot of different reactions to that. Annagybe, you yourself posted a comment to the effect that "pretty" doesn't register with you. And I don't think of your very well-developed style as "pretty" most days - &nbsp;although you have rocked some very "pretty" looks, and are in fact a beautiful woman.<br />Honestly, I wonder if you are taking both&nbsp;discussions a bit too personally? I just didn't see it as people rejecting positve self-presentation or ignoring the priviledge inherit in&nbsp;that. And I don't see anyone demanding an explanation as to why you don't wear lemming items. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243428 Tue, 06 May 2014 13:49:43 +0000 Helena 1243428@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, I don't know you well and so was looking to find a photo of you to see what you were talking about not being pretty and/or having to defend your choices&nbsp;(since I don't recall having that impression) ... can I just suggest that you do as I did, do a forum-search on your username and just scan through the results ... I think you will find a totally different view of how you are perceived on the forum than what you are feeling right now :)</p> <p>Just a suggestion, for what it is worth!</p> <p>(alaskagirl - my opinion is&nbsp;if we can't have conversations about some of these "fashion-philosophical" questions on the forum then its value is really diminished - I hope you will not be discouraged from raising thought-provoking topics). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243271 Tue, 06 May 2014 06:45:13 +0000 catgirl 1243271@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable. I feel like there is nowhere else besides this forum where I can raise issues like the pretty thread and discuss them intelligently with others who are genuinely interested. I raised the question for myself, and I can only control my own words and reactions. It was not intended to be a hurtful topic at all.</p> <p>As far as the fashion thread it is clear to me that most everyone here worships and admires your style, and those who don't want to copy it certainly respect it. You know I'm an admirer... That's my perspective anyway. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243250 Tue, 06 May 2014 05:41:27 +0000 Aziraphale 1243250@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, the pretty thread. I stopped reading it. I got a bit overwhelmed, actually. (It's up to a hundred and eighty&nbsp;replies now, I see). It's clearly a touchy subject.</p> <p>I'm not going to go back to the thread and find out what you wrote, but I do really, truly value your honesty and forthright answers. And your style is way cool.&nbsp;</p> <p>Come back soon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243209 Tue, 06 May 2014 04:17:56 +0000 elpgal 1243209@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, you make a very valid point regarding the privilege associated with pretty and I wish you had added it to the original thread (unless I missed it). MaryK has shared similar thoughts on the forum before. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243204 Tue, 06 May 2014 04:10:33 +0000 crazyone 1243204@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, I didn't get a chance to post in the pretty thread, but I get where you're coming from. &nbsp;Being conventionally pretty is a strong currency in our society, and not everyone even has the option of consciously opting out. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243072 Tue, 06 May 2014 02:23:36 +0000 LACeleste 1243072@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Anna,</p> <p>I do understand your perspective and will miss your originality, intellect, and wit. </p> <p></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243069 Tue, 06 May 2014 02:20:20 +0000 ironkurtin 1243069@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>AG, please don't take this wrong, but I think you may be interpreting those threads in ways that are more hurtful to you than intended.</p> <p>I do t think anyone wants you to defend your style. Your style gets a lot of positive feedback, as does your opinion on others' styles. And I certainly don't think anyone was trying to get you to like anything the forum self-styled lemmings do. We've all said many times how much we enjoy your individuality.</p> <p>As for the pretty thread, I think it hit a nerve with a lot of people for different reasons. I really don't think anyone would say that liking pretty makes you a lesser person. (Just like it doesn't make me a better person for it not being a word I use for myself. It's not that easy!) I'm not sure why you would feel attacked there, but please, don't think about it twice. I know 100% it was not meant as a stab at anyone personally.</p> <p>I know the forum is your place to unwind, so letting it wash over you more might give you more peace?</p> <p>I will miss your WIW if you leave!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1243036 Tue, 06 May 2014 01:58:54 +0000 annagybe 1243036@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really don't want to revive other threads. But it was two things. <br />One feeling I had to defend my like of items that are popular in the fashion press, but at the same time not necessarily liking the things that are popular on the forum.&nbsp;I know I'm different. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. But I feel on here, I should not have to defend my love of fashion.<br />Also a lot was the Pretty thread. I used to be obese. I was invisible, truly. I was called Sir at Denny's.&nbsp;When I saw people that were conventionally attractive and height weight proportionate (to steal a phrase from online dating) rail against pretty. Basically I was like this</p> <p><a rel="nofollow" href="http://groupthink.jezebel.com/to-the-princeton-privileged-kid-1570383740">http://groupthink.jezebel.com/.....1570383740</a></p> <p>Now that that I'm not longer fat. I see the difference in my life. I know what privilege I have. I am no longer ignored.<br />I upgraded my camera to take prettier pictures. I started taking outfit pictures in outdoor settings because I thought they were prettier. But yeah, liking pretty somehow makes me a weaker, lesser person. Anna Wintour said something how about fashion is seen as a weaker industry because it is feminine, but in reality it's a billion plus industry.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus/page/2#post-1242797 Mon, 05 May 2014 21:36:36 +0000 Isabel 1242797@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, what Angie said ! &nbsp;I haven't been around for 2 weeks so I have no idea what you said or didn't say. &nbsp;This I know ; we are ALL "ineloquent" &nbsp;at one point or another. &nbsp;OK, maybe not Maya Angelou. &nbsp; &nbsp; : &nbsp;) &nbsp;But certainly, everyone else.</p> <p>I am already looking forward to you coming back.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1242739 Mon, 05 May 2014 20:28:09 +0000 Transcona Shannon 1242739@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Will miss you </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1242535 Mon, 05 May 2014 16:59:13 +0000 Aziraphale 1242535@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, I'm always interested in what you have to say -- and I've yet to see you bungle anything! I appreciate directness and honesty.</p> <p>Come back soon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1242186 Mon, 05 May 2014 06:53:32 +0000 Greyscale 1242186@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Come back whenever you're ready! I'll miss your amazing outfits in the meantime. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1242177 Mon, 05 May 2014 05:58:47 +0000 catgirl 1242177@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just want to add that we all work things out differently. As you have seen, I am one who prefers to hash things out, sometimes more than necessary. I didn't mean to sound like I wouldn't miss you here, but I want to respect your need to deal as you see fit. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241918 Sun, 04 May 2014 23:48:10 +0000 Angie 1241918@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You know how I feel -&nbsp;and you are always eloquent, Anna.&nbsp;</p> <p>Have a break, rest up, refresh, and we'll be here when you come back. I will miss you in the meantime too. xo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241885 Sun, 04 May 2014 23:16:34 +0000 Caro in Oz 1241885@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm another who enjoys your perspective &amp; comments to say nothing of your fab footwear finds :)</p> <p>I hope you don't mind me being direct but I've noticed that you've mentioned taking a break from YLF several times, usually&nbsp;after some controversy or intensity. Just my opinion &amp; I'm sure you will ignore it if it isn't useful to you but I believe&nbsp;it would be better to stay &amp; work things out. Sometimes it's good to get feedback about our perceptions/opinions etc. There are many wise women on the forum who totally have your back - I know I would be loath to walk away from that. </p> <p>ETA - Just wanted you to add&nbsp;I totally support your decision either way&nbsp;Anna.</p> <p></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241862 Sun, 04 May 2014 22:31:08 +0000 Mia 1241862@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hurry back! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241815 Sun, 04 May 2014 21:55:40 +0000 JG 1241815@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've been eager to see your Finds - I've checked for them, well, let's just say, more than once. I hope that you enjoy and are refreshed by your break. Come back soon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241810 Sun, 04 May 2014 21:48:03 +0000 Aida 1241810@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good to take care of yourself, Anna I hope things feel sorted soon. I'll miss you in the meantime! *hugs* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241798 Sun, 04 May 2014 21:31:19 +0000 Helena 1241798@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am sorry to hear this and hope I didn't say anything that made you feel that way (I say this as we were both involved in a recent conversation ). Def. haven't had that impression from any of your posts that I have seen. &nbsp;Hope you'll be back soon </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241790 Sun, 04 May 2014 21:25:39 +0000 Lyn D. 1241790@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I bet you will be missing us (as we will you) before too long!<br />YLF is addictive for sure </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241756 Sun, 04 May 2014 20:57:35 +0000 Sara L. 1241756@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmm, I realize I've been absent recently, but I haven't seen anything I found bungling or inconsiderate. &nbsp;I hope after some time off you feel better and rejoin the forum. &nbsp;I enjoy your outfits and comments. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241693 Sun, 04 May 2014 19:41:05 +0000 Windchime 1241693@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I haven't noticed any bungling, Anna, and I will miss seeing your fab outfits and beautiful self. Take good care of yourself, and come back when you're ready. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241675 Sun, 04 May 2014 19:11:26 +0000 Neel 1241675@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What bungling?! I have no clue. I do agree with others that you might be overworked and need a wee bit of time to wind down.</p> <p>I love your daring style. Please don't stay away for too long </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/on-hiatus#post-1241657 Sun, 04 May 2014 18:47:31 +0000 jackiec 1241657@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh no! Don't stay away too long - I love your creativity </p>