https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 19 Apr 2026 07:08:43 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2187875 Mon, 19 Apr 2021 00:41:14 +0000 Mochi 2187875@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That is beautifully and succinctly explained, Isabel. We all have something to take away from it. Thank you.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2187798 Sun, 18 Apr 2021 17:42:27 +0000 Isabel 2187798@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am a bit late to this.&nbsp; But I feel there is an important point , maybe boundary, to point out.</p> <p>Respectfully , the history of someone's puberty and weight is irrelevant in asking for feedback on clothes and fitting. I am sure that this young woman is keenly aware of the history of her body. What matters is how to dress it now. Today. And her size yesterday or when she was pre-pubescent&nbsp; has no bearing on that now. ( my daughter and her friends would be humiliated at a public post like this about them.&nbsp; I think that's important. )&nbsp;</p> <p>Example&nbsp; of what doesn't happen:&nbsp;</p> <p>Sales woman : I recommend Land's End for you.</p> <p>Customer :&nbsp; I weighed 10 lbs less pre Covid and was really skinny before I "blossomed" as a teenager.</p> <p>Sales woman : Oh, then I recommend LL Bean.</p> <p>I think it's just a matter of being cognizant of doing something that may be humiliating to other women, even if we ourselves donºt find it humiliating... Peace.&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p></p> <p>And I recommend Landºs end. I dress my intellectually disabled sister who is also very large busted. And their bathing suits are AWESOME.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2187029 Thu, 15 Apr 2021 22:22:44 +0000 Lusara 2187029@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your son asked the woman if she wanted help. You posted an embarrassing story about your niece, and then commented about how much weight she has gained, without ever asking if she wants you to help her because you assume she is too embarrassed about it. Again, why don't you try treating her like the adult she is and ask her if she would like you to help? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186954 Thu, 15 Apr 2021 16:25:18 +0000 rachylou 2186954@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well said, Unfrumped. I second that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186952 Thu, 15 Apr 2021 16:08:55 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2186952@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lusara, dear, I see you trying to help even though I didn’t ask for your assistance in reframing the issue. Many times help is appreciated when someone sees and responds to our need without us having to put the obvious problem into words. To wit: on our first day in Germany, we encountered a young woman and her mother standing at the foot of a broken escalator with a baby in a stroller. I taught my son the words “may I?” so they’d know he wasn’t a kidnapper, but there was no call for detail on baby-carrying; the need was obvious. He asked, she consented, he carried, she beamed and nearly jumped up and down as she and her mother reached the top, where he and the baby were smiling at each other. Difficulties finding clothing cut right for your body can be much more difficult to ask for help with than a straightforward task like carrying a baby; we have seen in this thread that some women consider description of their bodies to be shameful in and of themselves. For many of us, giving voice to difficult issues makes us feel more abject and lost. I know my niece appreciated the funny story about the time I repeatedly had the same issue, and the one link I gave her. It hasn’t been repeated here, so I think some of the others may be better. </p> <p>Unfrumped, thank you for your insight and care. </p> <p>Phoebe, the correct amount of detail is tricky to work out. Clearly what I said was too much for some readers, but removing all context can result in snippy comments to Google it yourself. I know that she and her mom have done that. I also know that there are many women here whose figures are similar to hers, although she’s younger, and was hoping for their goodwill. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186924 Thu, 15 Apr 2021 13:58:34 +0000 Lusara 2186924@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><div>"<br /> It did not even occur to me to ask her if she preferred standing there<br /> with her hands on her chest over playing in the waves with everyone<br /> else, as she had been doing.</p> <p>"</div><div><br /></div><div>Let me fix this for you:</div><div><br /></div><div>"It did not even occur to me that she is an adult who is capable of doing her own research to find a better-fitting bathing suit or asking for help if she would like it."<br /></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186923 Thu, 15 Apr 2021 13:57:48 +0000 Anonymous 2186923@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The conversation has highlighted for me the potential that detailed context might have to be hurtful or invasive. </p> <p>I can lean towards giving more information than necessary in an effort to clarify and I see that the following sentence was perfectly adequate.</p> <p>"Does anyone have recommendations for bathing suits for someone in their early 20s with a small frame, large breasts, and some recent weight gain?" </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186904 Thu, 15 Apr 2021 12:03:43 +0000 unfrumped 2186904@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I’m disappointed too but not for the same reasons as some. Too much unnecessary escalation and too many “ hot” adjectives all around , so that opportunities for a little give and take and conciliation are missed. Forum boundary- defining ( by other than Angie !) is fraught — easy to misremember past “ acceptable” posts that are similar, and exhausting to try to police that or to control anyone’s wording other than ones own. </p> <p>It’s hard to express caring and sensitivity without, well, being caring and sensitive in response. Finger- pointing, also fraught, could be mild, and not full- on Donald Sutherland in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”. </p> <p>I want to think folks mean well all around but don’t always have the time to pause and edit before hitting submit. That’s true for me as well, of course, and I have benefited many times from tolerance. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186900 Thu, 15 Apr 2021 11:48:42 +0000 Mochi 2186900@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That’s not the issue. Anyway, I’m done. Nice to be back here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186892 Thu, 15 Apr 2021 08:20:41 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2186892@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You guys are completely correct. It did not even occur to me to ask her if she preferred standing there with her hands on her chest over playing in the waves with everyone else, as she had been doing. She had on the perfect suit for that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186852 Thu, 15 Apr 2021 00:00:30 +0000 Mochi 2186852@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'll echo everything Echo says above (sorry). It's also crazy-making to flat-out ignore questions people politely pose to you, to see the quality of denial here (you mentioned Freshman 15 and COVID weight gain, then denied having mentioned weight at all). It's so bizarre. But mostly I feel bad about the way you speak about your niece. We're women who deal with this from MEN all the time. And though many of us had mothers (I'd like to say of a certain generation) speak about us in that way, there's certainly no reason for women to do it anymore.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186850 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 23:52:58 +0000 Echo 2186850@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>At her age she is likely far more tech savvy than any of us. I'd bet she can seek her own advice. Discussing someone's weight gain and cup size is creepy, cringy, objectfying and flat-out disrespectful. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186849 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 23:51:40 +0000 Anonymous 2186849@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You’re missing the whole point , Fashintern . I’m sad this kind of body shaming language is seen as ok here . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186840 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 23:09:26 +0000 goldenpig 2186840@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Actually, shape isn't the point either--the point is you don't even need to be discussing your niece's body at all unless she specifically asked you to. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186839 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 23:07:59 +0000 Mochi 2186839@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What? Of course you've said plenty about her weight. Just not the literal numbers. (Which probably would have been less of a problem, if you think about it.) Please just stop.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out/page/2#post-2186837 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 23:04:47 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2186837@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>“Why is anyone’s weight being discussed at all ?? Especially not by the young woman herself ?”</p> <p>Because, as you have often commented yourself, clothing works differently on differently-shaped bodies. But actually, I haven’t said anything about her weight, because I don’t know it. My sister cracked me up this trip my guessing my weight around 120. I haven’t been that light since 7th/8th grade. Body weight isn’t the point—shape is. For all I know, she might not have gained an ounce, just changed composition. </p> <p>What is truly bizarre to me is the way so many people here are equating description with shaming. The only negative thing I’ve said is that her swimsuit top failed her. I have described her lovingly and in familiar terms, but many are so terrified of human bodies that any description at all feels shameful. That is a shame. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186836 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 23:02:52 +0000 Lusara 2186836@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What everyone else said. You could have simply asked "Does anyone have recommendations for bathing suits for someone in their early 20s with a small frame, large breasts, and some recent weight gain?" Instead, you chose to identify the woman as your niece and make some extremely rude comments about her body. Why? And did she even ask you for help?</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186835 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 22:59:24 +0000 goldenpig 2186835@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I haven't been on here in ages, but I just wanted to suggest that if she wants advice about swimsuits, that you have her come here and ask herself. I would be mortified if my aunt or family member was&nbsp;discussing my breast size and body shape and weight gain&nbsp;on a public forum especially if this "advice" was unsolicited. Given the words you are using to describe her, I would suggest caution about discussing with her as well, as you wouldn't want to body shame her or give her body image issues. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186828 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 22:46:42 +0000 Anonymous 2186828@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ugh! Why is anyone’s weight being discussed at all ?? Especially not by the young woman herself ? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186820 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 22:31:35 +0000 RD 2186820@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"Did she ask you to post here and get information for her?"</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186814 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 22:26:06 +0000 Anonymous 2186814@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"Would you feel comfortable with your niece reading this post and your description of her body here?"</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186800 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 21:46:56 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2186800@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Jenn, she is in her early 20s (was a college freshman not long ago), has a small skeleton, large breasts and Idk what fruit she most resembles. Her weight didn’t go mostly to her hips or to her belly; it seems evenly distributed. Is that more helpful? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186799 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 21:45:03 +0000 Mochi 2186799@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm at work, but I just have one question for the time being, Fashintern. I hope you won't ignore it. Did she ask you to post here and get information for her? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186798 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 21:43:37 +0000 Jenn 2186798@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Based on your description, I don't know whether your niece is a size 10 or a size 20, an hourglass or an apple, a young teenager or over 18, petite or tall. You didn't describe her body. You described her weight gain and speculated on a possible cup size. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186796 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 21:35:40 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2186796@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lisa, we should talk about clothing without mentioning bodies, shapes or sizes???? Be real, please. I understand that a phrase I used comes across differently to some people than it does to me, so agree I should be exceedingly careful about if I use it again, but the whole point of the post is that she’s having a hard time finding suits that work with her body. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186794 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 21:34:06 +0000 Anonymous 2186794@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As the mother of a 25 year old daughter , to say I am horrified by this post is an understatement . I’m deeply offended by the words used to describe another woman’s body and by any reference to her weight . I thought we were better than this . Although if she specifically asked for public advice I guess that’s another thing . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186787 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 21:18:11 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2186787@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, Rebekahphoto! Sounds like a good site. </p> <p>Jenn, I’ve seen that term in a couple blogs where I participate, most notably YLF, and have neglected to think any further about it than as a comment on the outcome of our inactivity over the past year. Thanks for pointing me to ways some have found it offensive. The point in describing her changes, as you’ve doubtless gathered by now, is that “big” can mean many different things. Many people would say that a 36” band size is “big” and that under 20 BMI is thin/small—I’ve been both at the same time. Some women gain weight in their breasts; some (including me) do not. Even at nearly 200 lbs, I wore a B cup. I described her body because I’m not asking for generic “large”, but for suits that would be likely to fit her. It sounds like she’s already tried on quite a few different brands. I don’t want her to give up swimming and other activities she enjoys, or to feel like she has to hide under an oversized T shirt, so would like to help find suits that fit her specific body. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186781 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 21:03:42 +0000 Jenn 2186781@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Here are a few article about the issue with "the covid 19" weight gain jokes:<br /><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.allure.com/story/covid-19-weight-gain-jokes-eating-disorders">https://www.allure.com/story/c.....-disorders</a><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="https://opheliasplace.net/the-covid-20-the-not-so-funny-weight-meme/">https://opheliasplace.net/the-.....ight-meme/</a><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.insider.com/how-to-talk-about-quarantine-15-weight-gain-jokes-memes-2020-4">https://www.insider.com/how-to.....mes-2020-4</a><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.glamour.com/story/quarantine-fat-coronavirus-weight-loss">https://www.glamour.com/story/.....eight-loss</a></p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186774 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 20:45:59 +0000 rebekahphoto 2186774@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Swimsuits for all carries many plus size suits, including some young fun collabs with Gabifresh and Ashley Graham.&nbsp;<br /><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.swimsuitsforall.com/">https://www.swimsuitsforall.com/</a></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-popping-out#post-2186769 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 20:27:03 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2186769@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sounds like she needs to look at Freya!<br /> Kkards, Toban, Mary Beth, and Angie, thanks for the brand recommendations.<br /> DonnaF, that combo of small band size and large cup size might be particularly helpful.<br /> Thanks Sloper, and thanks for the links. </p>