YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 29 Apr 2026 14:34:46 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Susie on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/3#post-1546799 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 17:26:28 +0000 Susie 1546799@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am with you, viva, and pretty much for the same reason. Working in HR, I am often recruiting much younger candidates. While looking "experienced" is good, I also want to look relevant.  I actually love gray/silver/white hair. If I were 20 years younger, I would be tempted to dye my hair gray as I think it would look awesome with my wardrobe! But I have no doubt that gray hair would make me look older than my 53 years and I'm not ready for that.  But I do think I will want to go natural at some point (I don't necessarily want to still be a blonde when I am 80.) For several months, I've been wanting my hair color to be more ash toned, hoping that the grays can work more as highlights. And, just last night, I finally got the color I've been wanting! The golden blonde tones are gone and I have deeper, cooler, more ashy tones and I am thrilled with the result. I wish I didn't have to spend the time and money the upkeep will require but I am willing to do so. I do my own nails so I figure that's keeping my overall "grooming" costs down!  viva on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/3#post-1546557 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 12:17:47 +0000 viva 1546557@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm sorry you don't feel you can share, Chadya. I wish you would but I understand. However, a lot of different feelings and a wide variety of opinions have been shared on this thread. Clearly this is not simple issue. chadya on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/3#post-1545947 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 14:03:19 +0000 chadya 1545947@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have so many thoughts on this not sure I even want to write them. such PCness in all aspects of life nowadays Vix on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/3#post-1545945 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 13:58:49 +0000 Vix 1545945@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Lots of great comments since I last posted! I have some not-related to $/time/roots reasons for wanting to try going grey now (mid-40s/20+years of dye/~ 40%). One is that I'm *not* a hair color "experimenter" and so I've always been a brunette. The idea of *not* being a brunette feels really weird, so I want to ease into it while I still have dark in the mix. [I should say I'm easily confused when actors have different hair colors film to film, ha.] Another is that I've been told "oh you look too young to let the grey show" and because I *felt* really decrepit with health problems, I didn't want another signifier of old. Now that my health is much improved, I'm ready to have the contrast of "older-signal" hair with somewhat "'younger'" face. It helps that there's a cultural shift underway for grey on all ages, for sure. [Edit -- And I DO think this will impact the workplace ageism.] Which actually kind of begs the question -- because of all the hair coloring, what age DO people [general] think is appropriate/average for grey/silver/white? Seventy vs 50? I wonder. And agree with the comment upthread that to most truly young people (under 25) there's pretty much just "old" and "really old" hahaha. They aren't much for nuances that hair coloring provides. Aquamarine on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/3#post-1545922 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 12:55:24 +0000 Aquamarine 1545922@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Such a personal decision. I agree with your thoughts Viva, and also Rachylou about a bias in high-tech re:older workers. I wish I had the guts to not care about what others think, but I do. I have very dark hair, and the coloring upkeep is time-consuming and expensive. But I have been told I have a young face at 50 and I am pretty sure going grey would negate that. I LOVE Una's hair, but she has an edgy style and can carry it off. I am more classic and even a bit boho at times, so I risk looking matronly or even like an aging hippy. Nothing wrong with either, but not my style goals :-) Finally, I think it's a bit disingenuous to say we shouldn't care what others think. Most of us wouldn't be posting pictures on a style site if we weren't looking for validation. My humble .02. Summer on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/3#post-1545848 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 09:57:30 +0000 Summer 1545848@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Viva, your reasoning makes perfect sense.  Multi-toned high/low-lights seem the best way to go for your particular hair.  I know exactly what you mean about the colouring process giving structure, volume and, of course, more interest to fine hair.  Mine is very similar, and although I have let my silvery-grey come through, I sometimes cheat by adding highlights during the winter months  just to give the colour a little more impact. Greying v. not greying is a very subjective and individual decision to make, and there should not be any pressure either way.   Barbara Diane on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/3#post-1545834 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 06:59:55 +0000 Barbara Diane 1545834@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My grandmother had beautiful silver hair, and I remember my mother saying how pretty it was. I vowed then that I would never dye my hair. When a stranger thought I was 20 years older than I was, and the same weekend I saw a photo of me and a photo of someone around my age who had color in their hair, I started having heavy down-lights that colored my hair to my original color. I styled it so that I only needed it done about 4X a year. When my hairdresser said it wouldn't work to continue doing it I stopped going to her and let it grow out. I just trimmed the ends myself. I wish I had gotten the advise that's out there now. After years I've grown it out but it isn't the color I expected/hoped for. I'm torn between coloring it again/getting advise about how to help it look better/getting a different cut. On the one hand I don't spend want to spend the time/money and I'm afraid I won't like the color-I want my dark brown but I don't want a red tint/cast to it. On the other hand I do feel better with color. I just can't imagine growing it out again. My hair grows very slowly. rachylou on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/3#post-1545824 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 05:43:53 +0000 rachylou 1545824@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ There IS a big bias against anyone over 50 in high tech - men and women pretty darn equally (well, not that there are many women). So... There are reasons for sure to colour, besides fashion. Adelfa on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/3#post-1545807 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 04:18:07 +0000 Adelfa 1545807@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I thought all my life that I would gray naturally. But now I'm not. Part of the problem, to me, is that I'm graying very slowly, and I don't think the occasional dead white hair against a dark brown base looks very good. Another factor is that I always thought some subtle lighter brown highlights would be less severe against aging skin than plain dark brown. So I do color. But it *is* time consuming and expensive! Anonymous on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545777 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 02:36:22 +0000 Anonymous 1545777@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I came back to read everyone's comments - so interesting . I had two more thoughts here : 1. Like anything - if you make a change in your appearance , make it intentional. And change up or adjust your clothes , makeup, jewelry etc to work with it. As in- let's not go grey ( gray in Canada ) and start wearing sweat pants and white reeboks . 2. And here's a statement from my hairstylist last week ( hence my new red hair ) that I still haven't figured out: I floated the idea of starting to let my roots be their natural selves and just keep up the blonde highlights - and she blanched . Her comment was - I could never do that ! I still have young kids ! And she's 3 years younger than me ( in other words, your age ) but still has a 12 year old and a 15 year old at home . Never mind the fact that she completely ignored my comment and started talking about herself (which is one of the reasons I am breaking up with her ) but that intrigued me. Staysfit on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545759 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 02:13:48 +0000 Staysfit 1545759@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Viva, I applaud your choice. Everyone should make the choice that makes sense for their life. I believe it's unfortunate that we are put in a position of having to factor in our hair color when it comes to our careers. As you know I have made a choice to stop coloring my hair. I have had grey hair since my early twenties. I'm not yet sure how people will respond to my hair being grey, but I'm happy with the choice to stop coloring it, and also feel comfortable with the idea that I can change my mind and color again. I have a hard time believing that anyone truly looks bad with their natural coloring. I haven't seen this in anyone, and that has given me more confidence to move forward. While I believe my appearance is important to my success, I am in one of the fields where grey hair may leave people with the impression that I have much career experience, a strong positive. It is more important that I look genuine and trustworthy as opposed to youthful. kerlyn on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545728 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 01:50:58 +0000 kerlyn 1545728@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just wanted to add to my previous post...I think that all of us here on the forum may have a bit of an advantage in that we all enjoy fashion and are seeking to hone and polish our unique styles.  We may color our hair or not, wear makeup or not, embellish with jewelry or not...but in the end we are each actively working to learn and express ourselves through our individual styles.   I get a lot of inspiration from all of you and your unique styles, so I hope all of you will continue to express your individuality! Peri on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545714 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 01:38:27 +0000 Peri 1545714@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Echo, sorry about the intentional. I didn't think about it...any slight was definitely unintentional! I will rethink that phrasing. Actually, I may not have to make this decision. Mine is thinning at an alarming rate, much faster than it is greying. I will hardly have any hair left to dye if this keeps up! Thistle on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545683 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 00:47:01 +0000 Thistle 1545683@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ If you are happy with your choice, I fully support you! We all have to do what's best for us. Caro in Oz on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545653 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 00:01:01 +0000 Caro in Oz 1545653@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I love my grey hair but I know many women feel differently from me, it is always a personal choice. I only want each woman to have a REAL choice.… not just a choice based on the fear of looking older.  The sooner our society accepts that the lucky ones among us get to age the better imo.  kkards on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545618 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 23:08:15 +0000 kkards 1545618@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ im not going grey either, yes, partly its to main a youthful look in a competitive work environment,but also I like changing it up. I like being blond and red and toffee, or whatever else seems like fun. I'm at the point where I'm not changing the cut as often as I did in my younger days, so colors were the fun is. Brooklyn on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545612 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 22:56:07 +0000 Brooklyn 1545612@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ There is a well known Australian TV newsreader in her early 50s who published an article recently with a photo of herself digitally manipulated to show herself completely grey. She said that this is how she would look if she stopped colouring (she went completely grey young) and how she would be happy to look but felt she could not go that way because it might affect her professionally. Imo she is very good at her job (and also beautiful) but even she felt she was not allowed to go grey. So you are not alone. gryffin on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545591 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 22:25:03 +0000 gryffin 1545591@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Viva - I am so sorry to hear you are in such turmoil.  I pulled my first gray at 24, one week before my wedding.  My grandfather was completely white at 18 yo.  I have very pale rosy skin, dark brown eyes and hair.  My skin and small features would be totally washed out by gray hair.  I do not feel pressure to color or not color my hair from the outside.  I choose to keep it as close to it's natural shade of brown because that is what looks most flattering on me and allows to me to wear a very natural minimal make up look which I prefer.  Plus it means I look good in my favorite color - black!!  Viva - like make up, clothes, glasses, shoes, every element should be a personal choice.  No right or wrong but right for you at the time.  You only need to do what makes  you feel wonderful, competent, empowered, attractive - most yourself!   viva on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545587 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 22:21:27 +0000 viva 1545587@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It's so interesting to read what everyone has to say about this topic. And please forgive me for not responding to each individual post -- I read them all, and I know I will go back and read them all many more times. There is a lot of wisdom and a lot of therapy in this thread, for me at least. It seems that for some of us, coloring our hair can help us feel better equipped to face the challenges of a youth-dominated workplace, or just the workplace in general, or the dating world, or just the world in general. I could really relate to all of you. I also could relate to some of you who have gone grey (or is it gray? I never know!). The idea that going grey can influence how you see yourself, can make you feel defiant. Let a thousand flowers bloom indeed. I have clients where my age and life experience are clear assets -- a health category where the average patient is a 45 - 70 year-old woman. (I am exactly the right person to speak to patients and physicians there.) And public television, where the average viewer is in his or her 60s. (Again, I am a great choice.) But I want to be able to bid on work where the consumer is in her 20s and have clients feel like I can speak credibly to these women. If they see me as a mother figure, that is okay -- but if they start to think grandma, I am sunk. ;) UmmLilla, the groups were in LA, and I dressed head-to-toe JCrew (I packed at 5am -- that was the problem). It made me look older and more conservative. Actually, if I had worn the outfit from the other day (the green Zara top, the dark AG stilts, and the cropped black JCrew jacket), it would have been perfect. Lesson learned. Anonymous on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545582 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 22:15:24 +0000 Anonymous 1545582@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Such an interesting thread. Like Una and some others, I feel a bit rebellious for not coloring my hair. It started a strand at a time and picked up speed until it seemed white overnight sometime in my 50's. A modern cut and style can make a huge difference. A woman about a decade older than I rocks a silver spiky pixie and looks amazing. For years I wore my hair long and up in a twist or French roll. It looked great and got lots of compliments but the style felt aging and I like it better now in a reverse bob. Women should be able to color or not color their hair to please themselves. In some ways going grey would not be as fun or make a statement if everyone did it. Anonymous on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545576 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 22:08:00 +0000 Anonymous 1545576@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ CHOOSING NOT TO GO GREY for all of the reasons you mentioned in your post. I want to add another one too, I had a very unfortunate haircut earlier this year. It was totally my fault. I tried something new and it was a disaster. I am still growing out my hair. My hair may not fully recover before the holidays. To even consider going grey at this time would add layer upon layer of wrong. I might consider it sometime in the futures, but not this year. annagybe on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545573 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:59:44 +0000 annagybe 1545573@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I color. I'm theoretically trying to date and it's already harder after 40, and harder for me in general, so I don't need another potential strike against me. Lyn D. on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545566 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:41:21 +0000 Lyn D. 1545566@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ An interesting read! I am saddened though, to hear that there is perceived pressure to colour hair for job opportunities. Sal on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545563 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:37:24 +0000 Sal 1545563@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Great thread! At 45 I have a few strands of grey but it blends in with the blonde and brown so it is not prevalent. I am not wild on my natural colour right now, a very dark mousy blonde, so I highlight every 12 weeks. The colour also helps me with fighting greasiness. I will continue to colour for a while, I hope I know when the time is right to change it up. Or not. I used to think I would be an 80 year old with a platinum blonde chignon but I am too lazy for that. unfrumped on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545558 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:32:17 +0000 unfrumped 1545558@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am not able to give a "keep coloring" boost but for sure support your doing what is best for you. Not that you even need that. I am going strand by strand myself, and I expect to keep going, mainly because I think I would be   the worst about  hair  upkeep and don't see myself able to keep up with coloring, would fret about roots issues and so on. And yet I know that it's possible for hair color to boost "complexion" and appearance, not even by doing not-gray, but just the right color and highlights. So I might rue the fact that I'm not likely to take advantage of that route to improvement. It's almost as if I don't want to try amazing hair coloring because then it would be hard to go back, if that makes sense. I think that is one reason I have decided to keep focusing on "flattering colors" in tops and toppers--which means more nearly-neutrals rather than the most classic neutrals-- and make an effort to collect and wear those. It is my way to get what  "glow" I can with existing hair and relatively neutral makeup. Firecracker (Sharan) on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545555 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:30:33 +0000 Firecracker (Sharan) 1545555@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Una, I can see that. There's a little bit of defiance in me about my choice of not coloring, too. As in, when I read Kerlyn's response, I thought: I'd find a new hairdresser! I've had hairdressers suggest color to me before, just as I've had those who insist on styling my hair straight. And even stylists who've suggested I should ditch the glasses for contacts, so I don't "hide my lovely eyes." I guess they are just opinions, but they kind of make me bristle. So I think of myself as a little old lady, and there's another part of me that retorts: Yeah, and you wanna make something of it? And I'm not psycho, really I'm not. Not diagnosed, anyway.  catgirl on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545542 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:19:33 +0000 catgirl 1545542@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Interesting, Sharan. My grey hair has made me feel defiant. Or as Gaylene mentioned, a bit rebellious. I don't like feeling boxed in by convention and by other people's ideas of what I should do, and I've chosen to embrace rather than eschew the inevitable. Although as you know being given a senior discount did give me pause! That said, I know most people would find it more appropriate to continue coloring. This is why I love YLF so much - all the support for everyone's personal choices is truly empowering. kerlyn on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545538 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:16:53 +0000 kerlyn 1545538@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think those of us who have chosen to go gray just want to feel it's as valid a choice as coloring, and it doesn't mean we've given up on ourselves!  I'd love for my hairdresser to suggest ways to enhance my gray rather than hint that maybe it's time for some hair color!   I like what Gaylene said about finding a look that makes you feel confident, and that can include gray hair or colored! Firecracker (Sharan) on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545534 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:13:20 +0000 Firecracker (Sharan) 1545534@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I often wonder about my choice to not color my hair. Lately I've been thinking of trying to change jobs, and I am concerned about how I'll be perceived. People I work with now don't seem to think of me as old and infirm, but I imagine that people who don't know me would assume I'm less capable of keeping up with work demands than if I didn't have a head of graying hair. In pondering the gray versus non-gray question, I've also come to a realization: my hair color doesn't just influence other people's perceptions of me. It influences my own perceptions of myself, perhaps more than I might even know. Since my hair has become more and more gray, I have noticed that I often think of myself as a "little old lady." When I wear my street sneakers, I do have an inner voice that tells me I'm literally a "little old lady in tennis shoes." I know that I'm remarkably fit and I dress in a way that's current if quirky, but I'm still "old" in my mind, in a way that I was not, before my hair started graying noticeably. So, coloring over the gray might help a person face the world with more youthful confidence, too, in the way that feeling good in one's clothes is almost as important as looking good in them.  Gaylene on "Not going grey, and partly for professional reasons" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/not-going-grey-and-partly-for-professional-reasons/page/2#post-1545519 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 20:49:46 +0000 Gaylene 1545519@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think you do whatever gives you the most confidence in your appearance. Personally, I felt my graying hair made me more in step with my younger colleagues at the university--and gave me an boost with students as well. The biggest detractors to my salt and pepper look were, oddly enough, women and men colleagues in my own age group. I'm not sure why the younger group were so enthusiastic about my hair, but I sometimes suspect that my refusing to color my hair made me seem more rebellious in their eyes--especially when I wore my leather moto jacket and Fluevog boots, and my hair in a choppy, inverted bob. I looked older than them, but I didn't seem as old as my same-age colleagues? To my mind, finding a look that displays your confidence in yourself, your work, and your abilities is what, ultimately, gives you the upper hand in the workplace. If coloring your hair gives you that confidence, then it's the right choice for you.