https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 19 Apr 2026 06:42:42 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany/page/2#post-811029 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:44:53 +0000 Mo 811029@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes. In FL I spend most of my time online or running. Plenty of that online time was window shopping. But . . . I think I'm getting more and more selective in what comes in. I bought 50 some odd items last year! But that includes undies, bras, bracelets, you name it. And I purged or donated 10 or so of them. The point being that I realize I have enough. So the 12 for 12 for me is about not overflowing the closet with my latest whim and really buying those things I often longed for but couldn't afford because I'd nickel and dimed myself with a dozen other items.<br /> Now that I'm back home working I have a lot less down time to spend whiling away looking at pretty stuff. So, yes, shopping can be a distraction of sorts when time is aplenty! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany/page/2#post-810855 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:07:20 +0000 catgirl 810855@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ladies, thank you all so much! I've already committed to doing the 12 x 12 this year, and my January purchase (assuming they work) is the Holmsby oxfords Shannon has been so kind as to find and share here. I feel so much better that I'm not alone in this realization. </p> <p>Suz and other reading fans, I am a hardcore reader and need to get back to that! The main problem there is finding some quiet time - I tend to browse and shop at work online during breaks, whereas my home life is more about well, dinner and cleaning and pets and third grade and basketball - you all know about that. Also need to get back to my rock climbing routine...</p> <p>Rae, you so need to come up and put all that awesome rugged gear to good use! Anytime...</p> <p>Appreciate the empathy and not being scolded, </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810768 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 15:45:49 +0000 Tina.b 810768@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I didn't realize that I used shopping as a form of therapy until this fall. Or perhaps it was the first time I really engaged in that. My Dad who I'm very close with was recently diagnosed with ALS and this has been quite devastating for our entire family.</p> <p>I do know that my online browsing definitely escalated over these past few months. Mostly to serve as a distraction, particularly in those many hours in which I was unable to sleep. Did I spend more than usual? Probably. Now we are all adjusting to this new reality, I'm focused on reigning it in a bit. Sticking with what is my admittedly very generous budget. </p> <p>But this is one of the reasons I joined YLF fairly recently. It gives me an opportunity to channel my interest in shopping and fashion in a positive way, amongst a supportive community. To find creative ways to utilize my wardrobe more effectively, and enjoy every piece I purchase.</p> <p>The process of getting dressed everyday in a great outfit, keeps my spirits high as well. Love that reading was mentioned above, that is my best stress reliever. My goal for 2012 was to read 40 books and I didn't quite make it, only 38. But I've set the same goal for 2013 as well. I also do lots of pilates and play the guitar. I find the busier I am the less likely I am to perseverate. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810761 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 15:41:56 +0000 RunnerChick 810761@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Una, not surprisingly, I had a similar experience over the holidays when spending time with my family and being more content obviated the need to shop. I'm back at work now and though I love my job, it is stressful and I;m finding more of a need for a release than I did when I was on vacation...</p> <p>I did a fair amount of shopping last year, but I'm going to give myself a get-out-of-jail-free card, as I was working on getting my wardrobe to the point where I can dressed in formulas, not look boring, and still be out the door in a half hour from the time I wake up. </p> <p>I think I am at that point now, which means...like many of you, I should find a different, more productive avenue for my time and my money. Planning for a trip works; I also got a stand mixer this X'mas, so I am also planning on at least one baking project a week... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810732 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 15:10:45 +0000 Anonymous 810732@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have become more of an impulsive shopper. I am not sure if I *need* anything, but if I see something remarkable and at a good price, I pounce FAST.</p> <p>I do a lot of window shopping our of boredom and to kill time, since I spend so much time alone in assignments. I seldom buy, just look. </p> <p>I am not sure of the boxes give me joy, I actually get pretty overwhelmed especially with Nordstrom, they send an item per box, eck.</p> <p>ETA: I should add that I have really decided to cull the "endless hunt" here. The boy finally bursted some sort of remark on my excessive shopping "habits" that produced an eviction notice on my part. Thank the lord I'm an accountant, I was able to produce irrefutable evidence to the contrary. LOL. In any event, he is out of the dog house and I have promised to be more cautious... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810720 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 14:51:44 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 810720@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>LOL Claire the distraction needs to be fun and interesting and something you are drawn to. I don't think housekeeping falls into that category. I was thinking more along the lines of dance classes one night a week, reading for an hour every day, and getting into an exercise routing that includes three sessions per week. Then I will throw in a creative outlet - my plan is stained glass work. That won't help the budget since the materials are so expensive, but it will be more productive than surfing and shopping for things I don't need.</p> <p>Thanks for posting this one Una. It helped me to think about my plan. I had already realized that I was using shopping as therapy and needed to make changes. This thread helped to solidify those thoughts. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810700 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 14:20:34 +0000 Anonymous 810700@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yep, I'm totally in this boat. Giving up thrifting for a few months is proving to be hard. There are a few times a week where I feel antsy and I want to just jump in the car and go there to browse and unwind. I need to get addicted to something more productive, like cleaning the house, lol! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810657 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:13:26 +0000 ManidipaM 810657@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interestingly (and damningly!) I manage to do this even on SYC! Meaning, even though I'm not actually buying, I end up window shopping and fantasizing about buying, pretending I am just about to buy things by wishlisting them, etc... </p> <p>It definitely helped to cancel some email subscriptions and notifications.</p> <p>Having to plan for the baby also gave me something else to do.</p> <p>But what has been handiest is actually enjoying my actual existing wardrobe more this year. If I'm less bored or stressed in my everyday, I hit the Net not-quite-so-hard.</p> <p>The other thing that has helped: getting off the wi-fi. Seriously. I seemed to hardly use my laptop for non-Net activity last year! Power cuts (who knew you could thank the government for that one?!) helped. Since I *could* not browse, I read and wrote instead. Or listened to music. Et voila! Many hours of mindless window-shopping curtailed. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810597 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 08:44:16 +0000 CocoLion 810597@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes Una I totally relate. I feel the way to go is to have limits and stick to them. Either in quantity of items purchased regardless of cost or have a budget. Have you seen that section of In Style where they have quarterly budgets of $400/2000/4000? Each month they show what each level (the assistant up to the publisher or something like that) has spent.</p> <p>The main problem I have is that I struggle with letting go of things -- but I am getting better. I really want to be able to do the 1 in 1 out in 2013. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810591 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 06:49:44 +0000 Hil 810591@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have been there - shopping as a distraction from life. At some points I had virtually maxed out my cards on clothes and stuff that I didn't need. I realised that I needed to get my spending in check, so I reigned everything in, closed store accounts etc and got rid of the debt. </p> <p>The downside of that was turning to food as my distraction. I ate when I was stressed and bored instead of shopped. As my weight escalated, my wardrobe diminished. My style of dress became dull, drab. </p> <p>So began Operation New Hilary. I have steadily been losing weight, trying to improve my work situation, pursue my hobbies. 2011 and 2012 was all about that for me. Now, with a measure of control over my food, a big step closer to my goal weight and no clothing debt, I am trying to build up my wardrobe and image again. </p> <p>Easier said than done... which is how I discovered YLF. Googling things like creating a capsule wardrobe etc. I have a long way to go but I am grateful for the support and input from all of you </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810586 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 05:52:32 +0000 lynne 810586@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I do it too. I love the anticipation of knowing there is a package on its way to me. I've actually cut down on reading YLF because I need to focus my energies on other things. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810537 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 04:06:34 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 810537@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Add me to the list. I realize that I buy a lot of items and wear few which tells me that I am shopping for a reason other than need. I have been really distracted by the house building and have focused my shopping on items for the house like light fixtures and flooring. I also realize that if I have a project on the go, I rarely feel the need/urge to shop. I have decided to set up a work room in the new house and start making stained glass pieces again. It was a really good creative outlet for me when I did a lot of it a few years ago. It also makes fabulous gifts.</p> <p>I am going to try to get into a routine of regular exercise too as an alternate to the shopping and I too finished a book today. First one I've finished in a while and I used to read at least a book a week. More reading and less surfing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810524 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 03:17:00 +0000 Amy 810524@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Una, I do this to. I've started shopping more when I have a lot of stressful things going on in my life and no time to indulge in my other hobbies like sewing. I've bought a lot of clothes recently :)</p> <p>This is not a new insight for me. I try to keep things in check by being picky about what I actually keep and by watching the numbers add up and have a strict cut off. If this were causing financial stresses, I'd want to change the behavior, but right now it's not and I end up feeling better about things when I'm dressed nicely, so it has a longer term payoff than the short term thrill of getting that package in the mail. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810502 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 01:53:04 +0000 Anonymous 810502@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you for sharing your epiphany and stirring our own thoughts. My solution has been to be a volunteer for a county Christmas "shop" that provides new gifts, toys and clothing for those who need help during the holidays. For over 25 years I've shopped year round for these items but especially toys. This year our department was responsible for toys for nearly 3000 children and disabled adults plus about 100 stuffed animals for nursing home residents without families and 150 filled diaper bags for pregnant women. There is the thrill of shopping without spending your money and the satisfaction of helping. Maybe I should try to move to the clothing department. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810447 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 00:49:12 +0000 annagybe 810447@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>True, except in my case I end up shopping more when my father is here because he rejects other ideas I have for him like movies. He's planning on leaving Tuesday or Wednesday, so the end in sight. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810439 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 00:42:36 +0000 Transcona Shannon 810439@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hence my addiction to thrifting - I shop out of boredom or stress. And neither of those reasons result in good purchases. If I'm truly shopping for a need or a specific want, then I'm fine.</p> <p>I haven't been in a thrift store now for over a month and I swear the first two weeks were akin to when I quit smoking 20 years ago - the first two weeks were the hardest. Now I have realized just how often I was mindlessly combing the aisles for something to make me happy.</p> <p>And it's very interesting that Krista mentioned reading - I just finished reading Henry Fonda's only authorized biography (which was fascinating by the way). I can't remember the last time I started AND finished a book. Better to feed my mind than my closet!</p> <p>I think this is a great realization for you Una and can only lead to good things </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810425 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 00:33:06 +0000 Jaime 810425@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great insight! I am reading a book on habit formation and what you have described fits the description to a t. Cue=boredom, stress. Routine=internet browsing and press buy. Reward=Good feeling from anticipating/receiving package. They say the easiest way to break a habit is to change the routine without touching the cue or the reward. Since you love fashion and it is a relaxing distraction, maybe cultivate a habit of browsing and rejecting and feeling good about your discernment and discipline. That is what I try to do! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810378 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 23:23:12 +0000 Anonymous 810378@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I know I shop as a form of entertainment. It had been a fairly new thing, only 2 years or so. I can afford it but I keep thinking I could be using the money better. I actually get a huge thrill about buying but then I don't always wear it. If I ciuld identity why peehaps I could stop it??</p> <p>I think it's boredom, my job is dull sometimes...anyway, a whole other thread lol </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810354 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:59:07 +0000 MsMary 810354@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>threadjack</p> <p>BTW, Rae, our traveling longjohns have now been pretty much all around the world -- you took them to Europe and now they've been to Asia with me! Big fun!! They're more well-traveled than either of us!</p> <p>Anybody want to take them to, say, Nepal so they can say they're circumnavigate the globe?</p> <p>/threadjack </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810346 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:50:34 +0000 Suz 810346@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, except now I have to add: SHOP FOR BOOKS!!!!!!! </p> <p>:-) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810343 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:49:23 +0000 Krista 810343@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>{{{ Cyber-hugs for Suz!!! }}}</p> <p>:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810329 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:34:12 +0000 rae 810329@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>OH, I definitely feel the same! It was much, much worse for me at my old job, too, when I was simultaneously bored, stressed, and unhappy. I felt a physical pull toward the swap meet every. single. weekend. I definitely don't feel that as much anymore, and I have an easier time saying no to shiny sale items. </p> <p>I really love MaryK's plan to replace shopping with planning trips. The hardest part is finding people who want to go with me! Maybe the solution is a solo trip to Alaska, so we can distract one another from shopping. Co-dependent vacation FTW! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810327 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:31:13 +0000 ironkurtin 810327@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm with ya, sista. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810325 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:27:51 +0000 Suz 810325@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As a writer, I want to give Krista a hug, and I highly recommend reading to all those who are looking for a non-shopping distraction!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810317 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:16:43 +0000 Krista 810317@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Totally with you, Una!<br /> I just got back from a week in the Caribbean with limited online access and I realized a few similar things as well. For starters, I whipped through two novels in 4 days when I hadn't read a novel in almost a year. As a former avid reader and English teacher, I was almost ashamed at this realization, as reading is something I absolutely love to do. Then, because we were at a resort with limited shopping, there wasn't much to see, so I made a few purchases but they were related to my list (I had my journal with me to double-check) and I didn't feel like I needed or wanted anything else! My husband even commented on how we didn't spend all of our spending money, and I think this is because I seriously curbed my spending - realizing that I just didn't need or want anything or any kind of distraction.</p> <p>I think that MaryK says it really well - it's just about finding something else to implement into your routine that replaces the distraction. I feel like I'm too early in my YLF journey to start a 12x12 or SYC, but I will continue to shop my budget and follow my lists of what I'm looking for. Other than that, I am going to focus on paying off my credit cards (it's not an overwhelming amount, but it needs my attention) and I'm going to renew my library card. It's time to get back into reading! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810316 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:16:28 +0000 Suz 810316@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a great realization, Una! </p> <p>Retail therapy is a phrase for a good reason, I think. We ALL get satisfaction from those little hits when we buy. And it feels fun to get a package in the mail. But yeah...shopping can definitely become a distraction, a crutch, an addiction (not saying those are identical or that you were addicted! Or that I am, either. Hope I'm not in denial on that score....) </p> <p>I think you have now reached the point where your wardrobe is by and large expressive of who you are. The need for endless experimentation is over. You have what you need, pretty much, and know how and where to replace it. So perhaps you really can slow down on the buying. And enjoy wearing the heck out of your beautiful clothes! </p> <p>And, if you really need a distraction, I give you full permission to shop for ME whenever you wish and show me what you have discovered. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810305 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 21:54:17 +0000 Raisin 810305@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it's good to recognize these things. It's something I've been thinking about lately too. Combined with my need to minimize and my feeling that there is just way too much stuff, I think I will need to put some restrictions on myself soon. Hoping to do a post about that once I get back home and have it all figured out in my head. I'm sort of considering the 12 for 12. Like Caro said maybe that's a good option for you too? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810300 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 21:46:17 +0000 MsMary 810300@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The part about an interruption in one's regular routine interfering with one's usual shopping behavior resonates with me for sure! I had gotten into the habit of browsing and buying online for reasons that seem similar to your reasons -- it's there, it's easy, it's a fun reward both when you click "buy" and when the items arrive.</p> <p>But being abroad for three weeks, mostly in third-world countries, both interrupted the routine and made me appreciate what I have and just plain got me out of the mood to want to acquire more and more. I have three big closets full of clothes and at this point it just seems silly and selfish to keep adding to the collection. Plus I have spent thousands on clothes in the past couple of years and I want to re-direct that money towards more fantastic trips going forward!!</p> <p>All of which is a long-winded way of saying that the best (maybe only) way to extinguish an undesired behavior is to replace it with a new, incompatible behavior. For me, my new incompatible behavior is planning and saving up for the next trip, as well as committing to a 12 x 12 shopping strategy for 2013.</p> <p>Maybe 12 x 12 would be good for you, Una? The way I am doing it is per these rules: (a) stick to the budget; (b) no more than one item per month, but if I don't buy something in a given month that month's item rolls over into the next month (i.e. if I don't buy anything in January through November, I can buy 12 items and spend the whole year's budget in December). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810288 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 21:15:18 +0000 Caro in Oz 810288@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This really resonates; I felt this way in the middle of last year. I decided I needed to do something more positive for me that didn't involve buying clothes I didn't need, so I started Pilaties classes. This year I may take up sewing again.</p> <p>The interesting thing for me was that the dissatisfaction I felt about buying too many clothes, that I didn't love, led me to minimise my wardrobe &amp; to find YLF (so it isn't all bad). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-major-post-absence-epiphany#post-810277 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 21:01:22 +0000 Laura 810277@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Missed you too, Una, and I think your experience is really common. Everyone looks for distractions in life, and shopping for sure is a fun distraction. Angie is the queen of "get on with it," so I think she would wholeheartedly agree that shopping, having fun with fashion and then getting on with your life is an excellent attitude. </p>