https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 18 Apr 2026 18:45:40 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2267078 Mon, 13 Jun 2022 03:18:19 +0000 Aquamarine 2267078@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Also going thru very similar circumstances. Mom at 86 just diagnosed with a recurrence of breast cancer from 22 years ago—which she doesn’t remember having, adding to my worries.</p> <p>So so difficult this phase of life. Wishing you strength Echo, and everyone else grappling with aging, ill parents, as we navigate this difficult time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2267003 Sun, 12 Jun 2022 07:41:36 +0000 anchie 2267003@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am sorry that you are going through this and I greatly empathize. It seems that so many of us are going through similar difficult situations. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266936 Sat, 11 Jun 2022 13:21:22 +0000 CarolS 2266936@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Echo, I am so sorry this is happening. I can so completely relate. For a moment I thought I had written your post. My 80-year old mom has been undergoing testing for a large breast lump over the last couple of weeks and I am also the only child close enough or able/willing to help. </p> <p>Wishing you strength and the best outcome possible. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266449 Tue, 07 Jun 2022 19:48:28 +0000 Echo 2266449@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>suntiger, even with the downsizing it will be a lot, but it is far better than it was.&nbsp;</p> <p>And Suz, thank you so much for the hope. Five good years would be amazing. And I have ordered a number of adaptive undergarments because of her shoulder pain (as well as a plug-in heating pad for the shoulder). The camisoles are a great idea, and she may like that, so I will look into ordering some. She shops in stores and has not been able to find anything (unsurprisingly, given that she is hesitant to try anything on), and she laughs about how I can find anything "with the magic Google." But when someone is clearing out their home, the last thing they need are gifts of decorations and baubles, so practical things are the most appreciated.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266402 Tue, 07 Jun 2022 15:47:13 +0000 Suz 2266402@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Echo,</b> I'm so sorry you are facing this. You are right -- it is very hard. And especially hard if you are on tricky terms with your only sibling. As <b>Suntiger</b> says, this is the part of adulthood nobody really prepares you for and it's a doozy. Maybe they don't prepare you because so few people lived as long, thirty years ago? I don't know. Regardless, caring for ailing elders is emotionally wrenching and a big responsibility.&nbsp;</p> <p>I know everyone's case is different, but I want to assure you that my mother had the same type of cancer at 85 and the same treatment pattern and it was very successful. She did not die of her cancer and had five good years after her surgery and radiation and would have had more except she suffered a fall and a blow to the head. (Also, her vision was severely compromised which is why she fell.)&nbsp;</p> <p>One thing she was really grateful for, post surgery, was really soft under pinnings. She liked the no show underwear that felt light and soft and instead of a bra, she really loved those silk undershirts/ camis that you used to be able to get at Land's End and LL Bean. I'm not sure they still have them, but that is what I ordered for her and she found them comforting and light and nice to have against her skin.&nbsp;</p> <p>She did have some arm soreness for a while with radiation and it takes time to adjust to the change after the mastectomy.&nbsp;</p> <p>I'm glad your mother is so well organized and clear on her wishes. Despite the difficulties you are facing, that is going to help enormously in the aftermath. But let's hope you have some good time together before then.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266360 Tue, 07 Jun 2022 09:59:48 +0000 Anonymous 2266360@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry! DH and I have been dealing with ill parents for the last year too (all 4 of them). It's the part of middle age that no one talks about :(<br /> It's great she's willingly downsizing though. When my mom got sick we had to bring all her stuff here and it was (and is) A Lot. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266319 Mon, 06 Jun 2022 23:26:09 +0000 Echo 2266319@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kate, you are so right. I need to focus on the good and not let lamentations about things and abilities taint the time we have together. It just seems so dreadfully fast that age has taken its toll that it has been difficult to re-orient myself to the new reality.</p> <p>kkards, my mum had hip replacement surgery a number of years ago and recovered from that like a champ! Amazing the difference a few years can make. Jaime and Robin, thanks for the well wishes, and I am grateful she has her affairs in order. But sometimes I worry that she has been planning to die for so long that I wonder if that affects her desire to fight. But I haven't seen evidence of that (she is positive about treatment and recovery), so don't borrow trouble, right? Helena, I just can't get over how young people (my own children are at this stage) can't wait to leave home and become independent, but then discover in pretty short order that paying rent and car payments and working full time isn't necessarily the picnic they were expecting! Then a person just gets accustomed to the stage of adulthood where their own children are more independent... and their parents become more dependent. Don't get me wrong; I am happy to be with and help my mum, I just wish it were under better circumstances.</p> <p>Bijou, unfortunately my sister and I are estranged. After the final arrangements are made when my mum passes, it is likely I will never see her again, and I am fine with that. Indeed, my mum has not told her about her diagnosis or her surgery because she knows my sister will want to take charge of everything, and that isn't what my mum wants. She has been trying to tell my mum how to live her life for the entirety of her adulthood, and my mum just isn't having it anymore. And, of course, my sister refuses covid vaccinations, so my mum hasn't seen her since the pandemic started. She has been sending my sister things she wants her to have and keeping in contact via emails and letters and phone calls, but doesn't want her involved in her affairs or medical issues. I am sure she will be furious after my mum passes, but there isn't much to be done about it without blatantly dishonoring my mum's wishes.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266315 Mon, 06 Jun 2022 21:47:48 +0000 Helena 2266315@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Echo, I'm so sorry to hear this news. It doesn't matter their age, the prospect of losing a parent is wretched. Adulting sucks, there's no doubt about it. I'm sure you are being a wonderful and supportive daughter, and it's amazing that you have the sense of perspective to treasure this time. Sending huge love to your Mom - she sounds to me like a strong and sensible woman; how lucky you are to have each other!</p> <p>So sorry you have additional stresses too - the family dynamics can be so stressful. Best you can, take one step at a time and take good care of yourself. xoxo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266225 Mon, 06 Jun 2022 13:32:21 +0000 Bijou 2266225@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Echo Sorry to hear this news. Having lost both of my parents, I know it is a hard road ahead. However, enjoy the time that you do have and make sure you take photos and make good memories together. Try to include your sister, as once your Mum has passed, it can be so easy to lose touch. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266211 Mon, 06 Jun 2022 12:11:10 +0000 RobinF 2266211@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry to hear you are going through this. Cancer is a terrible thing. It sounds like you are doing all you can to be prepared, now you get to just appreciate spending time with her and cherish all the moments. Hugs to you both.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266204 Mon, 06 Jun 2022 11:15:45 +0000 kkards 2266204@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>i’m so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. My mom is 85, had a “simple” knee replacement this spring, but nothing is ever simple and we had a major scare…and than just as she was getting back to something close to normal, she got Covid…all of this to say, i feel you and i hear you, and unfortunately you are not alone. Sending hugs your way </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266179 Mon, 06 Jun 2022 01:07:49 +0000 Jaime 2266179@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My sympathies. What a disorienting time. Be proud of your mother's organization and thoughtfulness and your own. You sound like a wonderful daughter. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266174 Mon, 06 Jun 2022 00:38:37 +0000 Kate 2266174@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Bless you, Echo, for being a good daughter. And bless your mother, for being so proactive, and getting her affairs in order, so her children are not at sea when she dies. My mother did this, long before she died in 2019, and it is indeed a blessing. She died just 4 days before her 96th birthday, and we had very little to do. You and your mom have it well in hand. The cancer diagnosis at 83 was undoubtedly a surprise, but her prognosis sounds good. Yes, it's tough that she has to go through this, but if I can offer one thing—don't let the cancer stop you from enjoying the good times with your mother. Fretting about how unfair it is to her steals valuable time that the two of you can still share productively. Same goes for constantly thinking about everything she can no longer do. Because there are things she still can. When I stopped focusing on the negatives with my mother, it made all the difference. I approached her with joy, not sorrow, and we had wonderful times together. My memories of her last years focus on the sweet, not the sad, for which I am so grateful. Your mom is still here. Enjoy her!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266170 Mon, 06 Jun 2022 00:13:33 +0000 Echo 2266170@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, Sloper, I have power of attorney, as well as copies of the trust, all her computer passwords, the other key to her bank box, and keys to her home. She has repeatedly given me instructions about what to do when she passes, including the things she wants me to take/have from her home (items she cannot part with now).</p> <p>Because she believes in giving with a warm heart instead of a cold hand, she has been distributing things of family significance to my sister and me. I am incredibly lucky that she has given me some family photos, and I will make sure my own children know the stories of the people in those photos.&nbsp;</p> <p>Angie, that must have been incredibly difficult to process the deaths of three parents in such a short time, and worse yet, from a distance. JAileen, yes, it is stunning how fast things seem to worsen as far as aging is concerned. My mum has restricted mobility of one shoulder and general arthritis pain, which seems to worsen all the time. Chewy, I am so sorry about the loss of your father; cancer is such an awful thing. Cardiff, aging parents really bring the passage of time to one's attention. Adulthood involves such a long period of stasis, but it seems that once aging really starts in, it moves forward with a vengeance. And Rachy, it actually really is a good idea to review legal documents before they're needed. I ought to start doing that more often.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266169 Mon, 06 Jun 2022 00:00:43 +0000 Sal 2266169@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hard times indeed -you are being a supportive daughter.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266156 Sun, 05 Jun 2022 21:11:26 +0000 Sloper 2266156@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sending Mum the most sincere wishes for safe recovery. &nbsp;And bless her proactive thoughtfulness to get her estate in good order. &nbsp;I’m grateful that my mother wrote out her wishes.</p> <p>How difficult it is to watch loved ones age, and to accept these changes.</p> <p>I’m guessing you have power of attorney for her legal &amp; financial matters? &nbsp;DH has been handling MIL’s affairs during her illness in 2019 and current nursing home stay. &nbsp;Most definitely stress all around but having the paperwork in place has helped.</p> <p>Take care! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266155 Sun, 05 Jun 2022 21:04:29 +0000 JAileen 2266155@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I’m sorry your mother has cancer. &nbsp;It sounds like a relatively good diagnosis, though. &nbsp;And that’s not nothing. &nbsp;Your mother is lucky to have you helping her. &nbsp;You can always feel good having done the right thing.<div><br /></div><div>My grandmother died of breast cancer at 50. &nbsp;Her having it caused my father to have a higher risk of prostate cancer, which caused his death in his late 70s. &nbsp;My mother is 97 and I’m watching her age right before my eyes. &nbsp;Every time I visit she seems to be able to do less and less. &nbsp;It’s so hard. &nbsp;However, she has a file folder in her desk called Death, and it has instructions for us. &nbsp;It also has her obituary. &nbsp;I’m curious what it says!</div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266154 Sun, 05 Jun 2022 20:32:20 +0000 Angie 2266154@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Echo</b>, it's very hard and stressful seeing your parents age, and I empathize greatly. Between hubs Greg and I, we lost three parents in two years - and had to deal with all of it from afar. Two of the deaths were in the pandemic.&nbsp;</p> <p>Writing this is cathartic, and of course it's all at the forefront of your mind so it makes sense that you need to emote somehow. I'm impressed with how you're processing the information and are handling the situation. Rest assured you are doing what you can for your Mum. Being the remarkably kind and caring daughter that you are helps a whole lot more than you can imagine. That will create enormous peace in future. Wishing you luck and strength through this hard time.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266149 Sun, 05 Jun 2022 19:35:19 +0000 rachylou 2266149@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh I’m sorry to hear this. I don’t know how much a little good news about bad news helps. It does put one in a panic to think about it all reflectively, doesn’t it. Tbh, I calm myself by reviewing the legal documents because at least I’m doing something then… </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266145 Sun, 05 Jun 2022 19:08:14 +0000 chewyspaghetti 2266145@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry your family is going through this. There's noeasyway around this, and you have a realistic idea of what it all means, and so all you can do is to continue to take care of yourself and get help if/when you need.<br /> We went through similar when my dad died in Feb. He was in his 80's, and had cancer as well. It sounds like your momhas done a good job of taking care of things in advance, and Ihope that can be of some comfort to you. (((hugs))) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266142 Sun, 05 Jun 2022 19:02:27 +0000 Cardiff girl 2266142@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Echo,no being a grown up is tough isn’t it?And having to constantly be the responsible adult all the time is exhausting as well .You sound like you are doing all the things a loving daughter would do and ,<br />making the most of this precious time with your mum as well. Life goes by so fast doesn’t it.Wishing you all the strength and courage you need at this difficult time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/mum-diagnosed-wcancer#post-2266140 Sun, 05 Jun 2022 18:52:50 +0000 Echo 2266140@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My mum is 83 and was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Unfortunately, after numerous normal mammograms in her 70s, she put them off and didn't go in regularly, so the tumor was sizeable.</p> <p>She had a mastectomy, taking some of the underlying muscle and two lymph nodes. The lymph nodes contained cancerous cells, but very few. The good news is that her tumor is very slow-growing and highly estrogen receptive - HER2 negative. She is only about three weeks out from surgery, so they will wait until she is further healed before beginning radiation treatment, which will be daily for about 6 weeks. Then she will begin anti-estrogen medication.</p> <p>The doctor is positive, and says this is something she will die with, not die from. I am so angry she needs to go through this, especially at her age, but I am also trying to look on the bright side. The cancer could be far more invasive and fast-growing, so she's lucky in that regard.&nbsp;</p> <p>And at age 83, something is bound to take you out eventually. I know that. She knows that. Realistically, she has been preparing to die for years - cleaning her house (especially attics and the basement), getting updates done to make the house more sellable, consulting with an attorney and having a trust made, making an advanced medical directive. She even has her own obit written and her own funeral arrangements made and paid for. But it is SO HARD to watch your parents age. My dad passed when I was 16, so I was too young to really have had the chance to know him the way I would have wanted. I have been trying to have the conversations with my mum about her life and the stories I want to hear, but it is almost paralyzing knowing time is limited (it always is, but it is easier to deny when one's parents are in good health).</p> <p>I don't really have a point in posting. I'm just constantly preoccupied with how she is doing and, selfishly, if I will be able to handle everything when she passes (I am executor of the will, the person on the trust, and will be handling everything). My older sister is extremely overbearing and will want to take over, doing things the way she wants instead of how mum wants, so I will need to be mindful to preserve mum's wishes. She will also be unhappy that my mum has granted me an additional (small) percentage of the estate as compensation for not only being executor, but also for being there for her surgery and recovery and taking her to all her appointments. Not only is my sister out of state, but she also rarely stopped to visit my mum even when she was in the area over the last ten years. And then she refused vaccination for Covid, and my mum - understandably - now doesn't feel safe around her.&nbsp;</p> <p>Adulting is just no fun. I want to turn the clock back. </p>