https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 22 Apr 2026 10:20:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-929550 Fri, 10 May 2013 16:22:41 +0000 rachylou 929550@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have to say, I'm in your boat Jules. I find it demanding and tiring to hear self-denigration. 'Course, I don't like to hear boasting either.<br /><br />Gaylene, I like the phrase "self-talk." You are so right about that.<br /><br />I think I come from the family of the overconfident. Growing up, there was not one word about needing to be thin and/or pretty. (A little later is different, when my parents were informed by their doctors they were fat, haha.) My mother's guru even told me if there was one thing I didn't need to work on, it was self-confidence. Mwahaha!<br /><br />Interesting, tho, I don't suppose my family favours beauty over being good-looking. Every now and then someone might tell you you are beautiful, but you don't get any credit for simple god-given symmetry. And you get no points for being undisturbing (ie. pretty). Of course, we're a bunch of Chinese, German, Scottish Catholics. That's smack down time.<br /><br />I have no idea what I say about myself around my dd, except that I'm crushingly smart. Hehe. I shall have to ask her.<br /><br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-929383 Fri, 10 May 2013 09:32:22 +0000 Jules 929383@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can't believe what some people apparently say to their kids. But honestly, I feel this way about what some women say to each other. I don't want to hear that anyone thinks they're fat and ugly. It brings me down, frankly, and it's so demanding of the listener. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-929253 Fri, 10 May 2013 02:52:35 +0000 sarah 929253@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks for sharing this, IK. My mother has always struggled with her body (she has large breasts and struggled with her weight for a long time). I know that my sisters and I somehow picked up on that, even though I don't remember her expressing her body image issues outright, and all of us struggle with many of the same issues.<br /><br />When my kids were born,&nbsp;I swore an oath to myself that I will never, ever degrade my own body in front of my children, and I try really hard to talk about eating right and exercising&nbsp;to "stay healthy" rather than to lose weight. But still, I find myself so frustrated by the inevitable slowing down of my metabolism with age&nbsp;that causes my weight to creep up just a few pounds every year and makes it nearly impossible to lose those few pounds, no matter how much I exercise and eat right.<br /><br />You have renewed my resolve to keep those demons far, far away from my children and especially my daughter. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-929201 Fri, 10 May 2013 01:47:58 +0000 Agnes 929201@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have a nearly 8 year old girl. I try never to say anything bad about my looks, [or anyone elses].I also make sure I say good things about people of all sorts of sizes shapes&nbsp;nationalities and hair types.&nbsp;At the moment she thinks my squashy tummy is beautiful and lovely to cuddle.. I find that very sweet as its not a part of me that has ever been given much love before.&nbsp;I also try very hard to even out my compliments to her&nbsp;accross the board, between beautiful, kind, smart, creative, and you've worked hard&nbsp; etc. Its a bit of a minefield. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-929193 Fri, 10 May 2013 01:35:23 +0000 Jaime 929193@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Mothering daughters is so fraught. Thank you for the link. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-928970 Thu, 09 May 2013 20:44:30 +0000 Transcona Shannon 928970@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Powerful. Thanks for sharing. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-928961 Thu, 09 May 2013 20:35:53 +0000 Gaylene 928961@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks for posting this, IK. It's an important message that building confidence in young girls is, first and foremost, by modeling it in yourself. It's only as I've grown older that I realize how lucky I was to have so many strong women in my family, along with fathers and grandfathers who cherished, encouraged, and, above all, took enormous pride in their talents and accomplishments.<br /><br />This article made me recall a thought-provoking exercise that I once did in a class of young women. After creating several small groups, I asked each person to share one trait or characteristic about themselves that, if they were given one wish, they could change. The conversation flew fast and furious as all these young women wished for smaller thighs, tighter abs, weight-loss--in other word, the regular refrain. The second part of the exercise, however, was much different when I asked them to share <b>one </b><i>(and only one!) </i>thing about themselves that they liked<i>.</i> The room went largely silent so after a few awkward minutes we started to explore why we are so eager to share what we dislike about ourselves with others but find it so much harder to articulate anything positive.<br /><br />The group had no difficulty finding positive traits and characteristics in each other--the compliments flew just as fast as the earlier self criticisms--but even saying something like "I like my eyes" seemed almost impossible for some people. The important discussion started when the group reflected how their tendency towards negative evaluations affected them and the people around them, especially those who had young children. Children learn to view themselves through negative and positive comments directed towards them but they also learn how to talk about themselves by mimicking those around them. And self-talk is a very powerful element in the development of one's self-image. It's not enough just to tell a child she is beautiful if she is also learning how to disparage herself by listening to how, as women, we talk about ourselves.<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-928921 Thu, 09 May 2013 19:54:59 +0000 Firecracker (Sharan) 928921@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks for the great link! I've already passed it on!<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-928906 Thu, 09 May 2013 19:35:47 +0000 K. Period. 928906@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow, Dana. I'm having a hard time reading this at work. I've gotta take some time at home. &nbsp;Within the first few paragraphs, I read things that I remembered from being younger. &nbsp;I generally have a pretty decent body image and have always been happy and proud that my body is strong (thanks, mom, for that!). &nbsp;I remember thinking my mom had a beautiful body when I was young, but hearing her with&nbsp;all the too big, too flabby, too this or that too. That stuff sinks in. &nbsp;I too do the "you are very smart! You are very kind! You are such a good artist!" etc.,&nbsp;but feel conditioned that I can't just say "You are beautiful" without a smart&nbsp;qualifier. &nbsp;Why is that?&nbsp;What is wrong with beauty? Beauty in my house isn't cookie cutter (I'm no cookie cutter beauty) and isn't about super model perfection, so what is wrong with recognizing it as being a good thing?&nbsp;Sheesh. Lots to ponder now. &nbsp;Thanks!&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/missed-the-thursday-links-but-this-is-important#post-928903 Thu, 09 May 2013 19:22:47 +0000 ironkurtin 928903@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/08/girls-unstoppable-self-esteem-workshop_n_3227245.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....27245.html</a><br /><br />Tell your daughter you are beautiful. <br /><br />