YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Midlife crisis and shopping

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Midlife crisis and shopping https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 11 Apr 2026 20:46:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php jjones712 on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1130156 Mon, 06 Jan 2014 06:52:54 +0000 jjones712 1130156@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Obviously you are trying to over compensate for something..When people have low self esteem some eat to make them feel better and fill that void.. you just happen to shop to fill whatever void or problem you have. Obviously there is an underlying issue and I think that sometimes professional help is the way to go to give u the tools to boost that self esteem. You are focusing too much on vanity...looks are not everything. And besides..everyone ages! minimalist on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1129558 Sun, 05 Jan 2014 17:47:44 +0000 minimalist 1129558@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ At the risk of getting the thread locked by coming in so late ... Insecurity vector, what a brilliant term! Mine was my skin. Early changes in the mirror horrified me, and I did everything possible to slow them. From ages 26 to 42, I had regular botox and filler injections, chemical peels, laser resurfacing and more. Not to mention standard non-invasive facials and ultrasonic etc treatments, plus at-home masques, serums, creams. I arranged vacation time around treatments, used sick time, never left the house without layers of different sunblocks. Sixteen years of that, you can do the math. I bristle at suggestions of volunteering (whether to relativize your own problems or as distraction or as greater good), therapy, and especially gratitude lists. There's a #$%! gratitude list running in my head all the time, and it's nobody's business what I'm doing to pay what forward or whether I'm being of service to a given community. (Also, having been raised by trust-funded do-gooders, I'm very skeptical about what I've come to view as selfish volunteering. But this isn't the place to raise awareness about that.) In your first post, Dana, you label your struggle "first-world problems," but the first world is where you live. Your problems are *your* problems -- to resolve, suppress or adapt to. That "great husband, interesting career, wonderful kid," good food, adequate healthcare and nice wardrobe aren't automatically nurturing you, at your core. With all that fabulous external stuff going on, is there really sufficient time and encouragement for *you*? Friends who've gotten past this didn't do it by volunteering, gratitude or therapy; they got it by *getting theirs.* One thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail; her husband and son sent packages and visited her at different places during her 6-month journey. This changed their dynamic, and since her return they've settled into a new normal which now works for her. Another lost most of her savings building a home with an unscrupulous long-term boyfriend. She put a lawyer on it, resigned from her tech management job, packed a backpack, traveled cheaply and now lives in a second-world country with a local boyfriend who dotes on her. Now she eats what she likes, hasn't been to a gym in years, and is effortlessly below the goal weight that eluded her for decades. For me, it took a car accident and head injury to find the self-awareness and courage to finalize a dormant divorce from the "great husband" whom various therapists had told me to be grateful for, and to limit contact with "wonderful family" with whom contact left me drained. I've pretty much discarded the string of academic achievements and professional accomplishments that used to define me. Now, earning an above-average living doing something self-taught feels more *me* than anything I left behind. I have specific thoughts about the wonderful man thing, but you'll PM me if you care to hear them. I don't recommend my option, the bad breakup, going without plumbing for six months, or any specific approach. It sounds like you're already awakened to your need for more, for different, for something. Specific suggestions are hazardous, but by way of example: If you're a talented writer/editor/literary critic, what about "getting yours" in that area? You could join WWA, if that's your type of writing. <a href="http://westernwriters.org/membership/" rel="nofollow">http://westernwriters.org/membership/</a> Sure, going to their (or whatever association suits you) conventions would cost time and money and effort. But you're worth it, you'll be the best-dressed person there, and you'll harvest accolades for something you might care about more than what you're wearing. If nothing else, it would be a good time. And plenty of innocent but very satisfying flirting. If most of your non-work reading/writing time is spent on YLF, that's not feeding an essential part of you. Writing here is for information exchange and social interaction; that's good enough for us non-literary types, but a fashion forum as primary outlet for writing must be pretty unsatisfying for someone who's capable of and needs a lot more. Writing is just an example; maybe you have other talents where you'd prefer to "get yours." The point is, to get it. Janet on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128567 Sat, 04 Jan 2014 15:13:49 +0000 Janet 1128567@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Zap said it well. I think most of us struggle with some of these issues at some time or another, if not for a significant chunk of our lives. I'm always looking for magical garments that make my thighs disappear! Anonymous on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128564 Sat, 04 Jan 2014 15:09:46 +0000 Anonymous 1128564@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ IK, I know the thread seems to be winding down but I just wanted to say that I found your post very honest. You are admitting something that many would never admit or want to acknowledge. In today's society, where such value is placed in youth, fitness and beauty, it is hard to "opt out" from feeling not adequate enough. Some people go on quests for healty living, others go get plastic surgery, others just get under a rock, you shop! Frankly, I think the way you feel is more common than perhaps some of us want to admit. I am not a believer in telling people "go seek professional help", because I have done it and often unearthens more problems than it brings solutions, at least for the short term. You have identified the issue and that is half of the problem. I appreciate your wit, brevity and forum style a great deal and this post is just an example of your honesty of feeling through and through. I also realized, a bit ago, that I am pretty much "done" trying to fix "myself" in the way I feel and the things I do. That quest for self- improvement left me exhausted and feeling sorry for myself, for no reason. I have decided to accept myself, as imperfect and inconsistent as I can be. I want to enjoy my everyday, not feeling like this enormous blob of imperfections. I am human. To me, you don't need any 'fixin' :) As you can see, I still have no solutions, just commiseration. ManidipaM on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128497 Sat, 04 Jan 2014 10:53:00 +0000 ManidipaM 1128497@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I know reframing may seem like airbrushing the problem instead of solving it. But still s couple of things that helped me when I felt like I was just melting away in my early 30s. 1. Silverback gorillas. No you aren't one. But it is interesting, no, that grizzled hair should define prime status for our close cousins. Maybe we have mistaken the callowness and delicacy and exuberance of youth for primetime... but it is in fact too vulnerable a time? I think this goes to Rachy's point too. 2. I fear I have spent more years than you trying to dress to be it/have it/do it... and in more personae! I recall how terrifying it was to first go freelance and realize i was suddenly *no one i had to be but ME*. It was a terrifying time because people often did regard me as nobody overnight. After years of being useful and visible and *heard*, suddenly no one wants to talk to MM, Free Agent, because she is no longer XYZ Editor of ABC publication. I suspect Big Tech may have screwed with your self-image a bit too. It has a tendency to evaluate by authority. As with most corporations. You matter because Those That Matter say you do. That is how authority and selfhood are validated in many other circles too. When you free yourself of that hierarchy and structure, suddenly you become the cipher sans value. Terrifying. But maybe with potential to be empowering because freeing. What clicked at some point in the last 3 years for me was this... since we are talking fashion first and foremost... that when I thought of stylish and arrived I imagined a woman dressing in certain ways and doing certain things. And I kept dressing for that part. BUT. It does not work. Like you say. I kept trying to look the part. But in doing so I was failing to interpret my own part. So... and this may be the flip sude of not buying for a fantasy life... I switched the focus to the activity and not the appearance in fashion terms. Thus instead of dressing like a travel writer or restaurant reviewer or lady who lunches in the activities that define the role (jetsetting in the airport, eating at smart new restaurant or meeting friends over posh tea in hotel lobby), I looked at the activities I had to do in my life... then wondered what the would-be-me might stylishly wear. So what's stylish for a travel writer caught in monsoonal rain with places to go and people to see? Or what does Ms Hotshot restaurant reviewer do and dress like when not eating out... when watering plants or buying groceries or cooking to eat at home? And as for the lady who lunches, what if I was not her with her batallion of domestic staff... could I still go to the park and look stylish reading a book with a picnic lunch? AND. At what point would I feel frumpy or out of place in doing these activities while dressing the way I do or differently? Could I dress my best as I was now or did I have to be worthy, to become someone (else) to dress better? It isn't just permission to dress well for real vs fantasy life. It is translating the fantasy FOR real life. Not sure if any of that ramble helps. What's left to offer is hugs. Lyn D. on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128478 Sat, 04 Jan 2014 06:50:08 +0000 Lyn D. 1128478@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Nothing to add to the others' wonderful advice, except that I am sorry that you are feeling this way ATM and I do hope that you are feeling better soon! jen on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128452 Sat, 04 Jan 2014 05:01:02 +0000 jen 1128452@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Take care anyway x judy on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128274 Sat, 04 Jan 2014 00:57:07 +0000 judy 1128274@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just to come back to the point about bodies/working out/seeing results/being happy with ourselves…Jenava and maybe this applies to IK and anyone else…I went on a primal diet about two and a half years ago…which is basically paleo with dairy.  I have to say that it changed my body and my state of health in ways I love.  Here is the article I found shortly after I started and she talks about working out too in a funnier and more informative way than I am able!   <a rel="nofollow" href="http://dooce.com/2011/08/03/wherein-i-go-a-touch-more-insane/">http://dooce.com/2011/08/03/wh.....re-insane/</a>  a few subsequent posts : <a rel="nofollow" href="http://dooce.com/2011/08/11/more-about-this-fad-diet-humans-ate-for-millions-of-years/">http://dooce.com/2011/08/11/mo.....-of-years/</a>  <a rel="nofollow" href="http://dooce.com/2012/03/20/that-fad-diet-ive-been-on-for-almost-a-year/">http://dooce.com/2012/03/20/th.....st-a-year/</a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://dooce.com/2013/09/26/against-all-grain/">http://dooce.com/2013/09/26/against-all-grain/</a> and a resource site, Marks Daily Apple: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.marksdailyapple.com/#axzz2pO2VNvXr">http://www.marksdailyapple.com/#axzz2pO2VNvXr</a> Angie on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128214 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 23:55:59 +0000 Angie 1128214@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Dana, I love the way you graciously and positively concluded this thread. We wish you luck and wisdom on this journey, and hope that you find what you are looking for. I look forward to the day that you sing back to Bono that you HAVE found what you are looking for. Xo Suz on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128210 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 23:52:27 +0000 Suz 1128210@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have read and returned to this thread a number of times, not sure what to say, or whether anything I might say would have value.  I understand and empathize with your feelings. I shared them throughout much of my twenties and my early thirties. Then something changed. What was it? I have no idea.  This is why I don't know if I can be helpful.  And yet at the same time, maybe my experience can offer some hope to you or others who are struggling this way.  I don't mean to say that I lost all craving for lovely new things or that I was never tempted to overspend my budget just for the joy of something new. Nor do I mean to say that I suddenly felt magically convinced that I have no imperfections.  It's more like I accepted the imperfections. Without feeling lousy. And I understood in my bones that the "right jeans" (or whatever) were just that. Nice jeans. And having them would be good and convenient and pleasant, but wouldn't change my fundamental existence.  Yes, I had therapy. I had some life experiences that also changed me and my focus. I began to gain more satisfaction and meaning from my work (at the time, this was teaching) and from my role as a step-parent and later a parent. Later I put a lot of energy into my creative work.  But I'd always volunteered. Right from my teenage years. I'd always aimed to lead a meaningful and good life  -- and in my youth this hadn't wiped away the feelings of not being good enough as I was.  I think perhaps I changed in part because of some important, somewhat confrontative conversations with my then SO, now husband. He really challenged me about my assumptions and my ways of thinking and told me, essentially, what Angie said -- that I was choosing my responses to certain troubling situations. And could choose differently. In some ways he was mistaken -- but working that out for myself and then figuring out where he was also correct was a big wake up moment for me.  Another point I'd like to add -- a person can also have a crisis of meaning at any stage of life, and even if you magically "had it" (whatever it is) you might still begin to wonder what "it" was all about. I guess there is a reason all those world-weary songs exist.  I think perhaps when people talk about volunteer work, they are thinking that it makes sense to define "it" in terms of being and doing rather than buying and having. And yes, it is true -- "doing" can also become a crutch and an addiction and can mask our lack of meaning at the core -- our inability simply to be, and to be okay with that.  As for aging -- well, yes. We aren't the people we were at twenty or thirty. We don't have the looks we used to have. For me, right now at least, that doesn't seem to be an issue. I'm grateful that I lost weight, gained fitness and strength, and energy -- I don't expect myself to look like I did at twenty or like a model, and I don't care. The way I am now is such an improvement over the way I was 6 years ago that I'm only conscious of that. Maybe because those awful nagging feelings finally went away, the whole issue just seems like a non-issue. Or maybe when I'm ten years older I will feel a lot differently. I don't know.  So in the end, I don't know and I don't pretend to have answers. I only hope you will come to feel happier in your own skin and that life will recover its meaning. And I hope that will also be true for anyone else here who is feeling that way.  ironkurtin on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128201 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 23:44:15 +0000 ironkurtin 1128201@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jen (and others who PM'd me) - I deeply appreciate your concern. But I have experience with clinical depression, and, thank goodness, I am not depressed. Frustrated, maybe a bit body dismorphic, maybe just plain too freaking hard on myself, but not depressed.  I promise that if I am, I will see someone, because I NEVER want to go through that again! jen on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128190 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 23:32:12 +0000 jen 1128190@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'd seek professional advise, you may be suffering depression and need to take care of yourself through this period. ironkurtin on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128186 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 23:28:03 +0000 ironkurtin 1128186@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Gaylene, I'm sure you are correct.  However, I have gleaned some wisdom from others who feel this same strange feeling.  I'm sorry if people feel I have "rejected" their suggestions; the reason I grapple with this issue and raised it here is that I know myself fairly well and the solution to this nagging urge seems to escape me.  Perhaps another dip into therapy, more positive feedback from my environment, more immersion into other rewarding areas are indeed the answer.  What I do know is that I appreciate the feedback from each and every one of you, even if I don't choose to go down your road. And that I will probably NOT have an affair.  No time. Gaylene on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128105 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 22:11:20 +0000 Gaylene 1128105@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I see myself endlessly shopping for THE THING that tells me that I made it, I have it, I did it. No matter how much I spend, I doubt I will find it. Interesting choice of words, IK. Although many forum members have tried to provide you with some insights or suggestions, you are probably correct to reject our attempts at problem-solving as not being all that useful to you. I suspect that the only person who can solve your quandary is yourself. Isabel on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128063 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 21:23:51 +0000 Isabel 1128063@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rachylou, Gracias !   ( You are just so witty and funny , I cannot take it !  )  ironkurtin on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128006 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 20:35:32 +0000 ironkurtin 1128006@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ha! Angie, I think I liked GP's uniform post... She's not necessarily someone I admire or whose life I want. I just like her clothes. Point taken, I appreciate the wise words. rachylou on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1128002 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 20:32:23 +0000 rachylou 1128002@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Peanut Gallery checking in to say: Well, you know you'd feel terrible if your name was Apple and your mother wouldn't let you eat gluten or made you speak only in Spanish and Mandarin... Isabel on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1127981 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 20:15:10 +0000 Isabel 1127981@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I will come back later to comment in more detail and read the other answers. But here is the thing, Dana, you won't find "it" because "it" doesn't exist.  And even if you did find "it" , you would have to wear it every, single day and night in order to deal with the inner turmoil.  And that wouldn't be a solution.     Oh, and don't have an affair.    :  )  Forget it, I am not coming back...I LOVE what Angie and Vildy said.  And I am a firm believer that some day you are going to look back when you are 80 and say " I wish I appreciated how I looked at 30- something ( or 40 or 50 ) . "    Angie on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/3#post-1127941 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 19:26:55 +0000 Angie 1127941@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Dana, I've found that focusing your attention away from fashion and style and into other causes can absolutely feed your self worth and self esteem. It creates an extra "fire in the belly", which is one way of enriching the spirit. And in that respect, the process is kind to others and to you. Perhaps you're doing this part already? I can only grasp so much from what is shared on the forum.  Self esteem is created by how you choose to think about things. As hard as it is, it's in your control. It has taken me YEARS to understand the positive power of these choices and begin putting them into practice, so I get how hard it is. If you suddenly looked, photographed, and led the life of Gwyneth Paltrow (who was an example you used on another thread once, which is why I chose to use her again here) - would you feel happier and more empowered? I'm not sure about that, but it's food for thought.  I really like what Vildy said. We have to search deep down into our souls to understand what truly makes us happy - and keep on doing it because this changes over time. Hence I'm back to the never ending journey of Self Awareness. Therapy does not work for everyone, but it's one avenue to consider.  One extra thought about the aging process that if you think about it, cuts to the chase. You are never as young as you are today. That's pretty powerful actually. You can't turn back the clock, so I vote celebrate the process.  Vildy on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127932 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 19:20:56 +0000 Vildy 1127932@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ When you said " personally empowered or successful or beautiful" it made me think of the old Peggy Lee song Is That All There Is?  What I'm trying to get at is that we all think we know what the words we hold in common mean but there is an individual interpretation of them. We might not see why you don't feel your power, success or beauty but we might be defining them in the wrong way from how you take an accounting. Might it be helpful for you to define more closely for yourself what each of these states would look like in your life? What each would feel like for you? Jenava on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127844 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 18:02:17 +0000 Jenava 1127844@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ OK, have not read the other responses, and I have to go, but my thoughts; Dude, I am almost going through something very similar!  I did Jamie Eason's 12 weeks Live Fit program last summer and have continued to work out and (sort of, except over the holidays) eat right.  I lost almost 20 pounds and am MILES stronger than I've ever been in my life!  But, I still need to lose another 15 in order to be on the small side.  I cannot stand that I worked/am working so hard and still don't really look like it physically. My solution to the wardrobe thing is basically to go to the opposite extreme.  I have plenty of clothes (from before I gained weight, although I did purge a lot) and I've just changed jobs, so I've decided no more clothes for a while until I can sort out my issues.  Of course, now I feel my stress gets directed towards buying jewelry and workout clothes instead.  SIGH.  This might not be helpful for you, but it's the best I've got. I did start seeing a therapist and I might be ADHD.  That revelation has helped a lot. deb on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127833 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 17:55:01 +0000 deb 1127833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ IK, I think adding more to your plate will make you feel over whelmed and add to what you are already feeling. What I am hearing you say is that the vision of yourself inside your head does not match what you see in the mirror. Is that correct? Or is it what you expected to look like at this age is not happening? I think these are two very different concepts. ironkurtin on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127816 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 17:29:45 +0000 ironkurtin 1127816@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ JAileen, I want to make what is happening now work. : ) JAileen on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127806 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 17:24:21 +0000 JAileen 1127806@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am one who suggested volunteering. I hope I didn't offend you. That wasn't my intent. But what you are doing now isn't working, is it? So some kind of change is needed. ironkurtin on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127788 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 17:03:05 +0000 ironkurtin 1127788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Some of you have suggested volunteering to help the less fortunate.  Is the idea to keep busy so I just don't have time for my own concerns, or perhaps to shock myself out of selfishness?  Neither of those seem particularly kind to me for having personal self-esteem concerns in the first place.  Is what I am and what I do not sufficient to feel good?  Of course we are taught to minimize the self as women. But I don't think yet more service to others is going to suddenly make me feel personally empowered or successful or beautiful. I don't want to minimize the kindness of people who suggested this approach, or to belittle their own efforts.  But I am already very busy, and I already fight daily for the causes I believe in.  Will adding another thing to the list really make a difference? Grey Rainbow on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127727 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 15:43:07 +0000 Grey Rainbow 1127727@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ironkurtan, thanks for posting this. I'm on board with you. At 56, somewhere in the midst of menopause, I can easily spin out over vanishing waist and jawline etc. I embraced the grey and my experience is the same as Shevia's. Tempted to fight the crows feet with Botox. Frustrated that my body isn't responding to diet and exercise. Hoping once I pass through this stage I will see some results. And I still believe that the right pair of boots/jeans/whatever will transform my life. None of which is fatal, none of which equates with the misery and suffering I see in my immersion work in China, Africa, the Mideast, and right here in California. As you said, the discussion here is about how do we deal with our "vector of insecurity" (genius phrase!) and efforts to armor ourselves to engage the world. The only thing that works for me is to stay so busy at work that I have no time at all to dwell on it. Big, complex, all-consuming projects that involve lots of people depending on me, logistical conundrums, hard deadlines, and tax all of my problem solving skills. That's my key: have a different problem to solve. Anonymous on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127622 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 14:01:58 +0000 Anonymous 1127622@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ You may not be looking for a volunteer opportunity, but <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.girlstart.org/">Girlstart</a> came to my mind immediately if you are. <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.girlstart.org/">http://www.girlstart.org/</a> TraceyLiz65 on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127476 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 04:53:44 +0000 TraceyLiz65 1127476@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My year of writing gratitudes on my blog drastically calmed those voices in my head, that despite the weight loss were nagging at me.  It was really funny how the more grateful I became and the more it became a part of every moment, (not just when I sat down to type my blog post), the less I heard that silly useless voice in my head... I'd always considered myself an optimist and due to loosing my father when I was just 13, appreciated everything and never took things for granted... I thought I was doing good, and I was, but this is an entire new level of joyous living!  DonnaF on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127465 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 04:26:25 +0000 DonnaF 1127465@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Be careful what you wish for.  I remember at about age 45 I was lamenting over my increasing wrinkles and other signs of age.  Then I got scleroderma, aka systemic sclerosis.  My skin, including my facial skin, became tight, and at one point it was like my body was wrapped in Saran Wrap from head to toe.  My belly was flat and tight, and even my ever jiggly thighs were tight.  Then, I read in a fleeting look that passed through my rheumatologist's eyes that he thought I might die.  Reality check! I am happy to report that my skin softened quite a bit and for years I have been able to turn my head without it closing one eye.  My lips have narrowed quite a bit, but I think my disease is now mild enough that my face doesn't scream *scleroderma patient* although my hands always will. It took a disfiguring and sometimes deadly disease to bring me to my senses about aging even though I was never a *looker* by any stretch of the imagination.  And actually, it has only been in the past couple of years that I have come to peace with my claw-like hands and changed nails so that I have been wearing nail polish for the first time in my life. I sure hope that it doesn't take an incurable disease to wake up anyone else!  And this isn't to say I still don't have my *issues* -- as she looks at her post-middle age uber fussy feet.       Jeanie on "Midlife crisis and shopping" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/midlife-crisis-and-shopping/page/2#post-1127460 Fri, 03 Jan 2014 04:13:57 +0000 Jeanie 1127460@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh gosh elpgal I didn't mean to say anything too blunt.   I do take inspiration from wonderful women like all of you here and this lovely lady who is much better with words than I: “Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size But when I start to tell them, They think I'm telling lies. I say, It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.”  ― <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3503.Maya_Angelou">Maya Angelou</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/15379">Phenomenal Woman: Four Poems Celebrating Women</a>