https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 05 Apr 2026 12:52:40 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-550437 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 19:25:03 +0000 christieanne 550437@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There is something about entering your 40's that seems to mess with our heads imho. For me, it comes down to remembering quite clearly when my mom turned 40 and I thought that was such a milestone. She is not a fashionista (never really has been) and although I love her dearly and want to emulate other things about her, I would never want to dress like her. So DonnaF's WWMW comment is clearly how I think. </p> <p>One (of many) thing I have noticed in my 40's is that my skin keeps changing (breakouts and wrinkles - hurray!) so I have adapted skincare as I notice things. Keep up the sunscreen and use a retinol around eyes, etc. I think it helps keep the frumpy away when the face/eyes look less tired. I love smile lines and character on a face but shown to their best advantage. </p> <p>I would bet your hubby has no idea how his off the cuff comment has made you feel. I have not checked out a lot of your WIW pics but the one of red top you just posted is youthful and current (and you don't look frumpy at all!). If it is a certain way that a scarf is tied (too classic?) how about scarves in different variations - as a belt or tied on handbag? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-550256 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 15:01:59 +0000 anchie 550256@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can totally relate. I just can't find middle ground between boring, conservative, age appropriate clothing and a trendy, young, MDAL look. I am 42 and currently playing on the safe side but I am so bored and don't know how to change it. But you do look great. Maybe your DH just have stereotype image of women wearing silk scarfs? I know my DH have issue with animal print - he thinks it's provocative and too sexy. And I just ignore him </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-550189 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 12:24:25 +0000 Sarah A 550189@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So... about 1 month before my wedding to DH (I was 28) he mentioned the frump factor and asked me to get some new clothes. I was a bit mortified! But the main thing was my (horrible!) pants... They were hand downs from my MIL to be, and although many had been tailored a second time for me, it was not enough. I think the WWMW is a great rule and I love your polished look and scarves. I have never seen a WIW you posted that had ill fitting or dated looking items. So although I haven't gone through the stressful 40 milestone myself, I just wanted to say you look great! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549927 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 00:46:32 +0000 Laurie 549927@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great thread. I hit 50 in October, and thank goodness I had found YLF about 6 months earlier - a happy coincidence. And you are a whole decade of stylishness ahead of me! I feel so much more put together than I ever was as a young woman - and I have been experiencing tremendous regrets for not having had the self-confidence to be stylish when I had the youth to enhance the style.</p> <p>Like so many women I have always worried about weight - I was almost 40 lbs heavier in my 20's and it wrecked my self-esteem. 2 babies, a serious illness, a couple of marathons and double century bike rides later, I feel so much more confident about my body. Of course, now the hormones are torturing me and lumps and padding are appearing where there never were any and it's just, sigh, an endless battle.</p> <p>But now I have knowledge, maturity and a community to help, and so do you. The 40s are the best years, live them up and own your style and continue to find support right here! As for your husband, maybe he should be careful what he asks for!! </p> <p>Have a great weekend! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549923 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 00:40:42 +0000 Victoria 549923@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Angie, Meridith, AlaskaGirl and all the other lovely ladies: thank you for suggestions and comments! AlaskaGirl: you def do not look 46! So if you get carded you should take it as a compliment:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549921 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 00:33:48 +0000 catgirl 549921@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, there are some fab and wise responses here. Victoria, I'm struggling with this too. I'm about to turn 46, yet nothing about me, including my taste, is maturing any more, unless you consider "spending more money" to be mature. I do not want to dress like many of the women I see who are my age around here (ETA:. meaning where I live, not YLF, of course!). But I also don't want to be too MDAL. </p> <p>It's also getting hard for me to tell how much I look my age in general, not counting how I dress. I do color my hair, more for the fun factor than the age issue. And I still get carded on occasion (which I don't consider flattering - I think it's more because I'm small and Asian). </p> <p>From everything you post, you look gorgeous and stylish, and there is nothing wrong with looking our age AND showing everyone how fab any age can be. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549879 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:55:40 +0000 Jjsloane 549879@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lots of excellent commentary here. I just want to add that I am 45 and am now thinking that the reason I strive to stay current is not to be seen as frumpy or old (not that the 2 are mutually exclusive) I think you can look older if you dress too young (and it looks forced) just as easily, but that's not frumpy (just not age appropriate). I find inspiration here from all the age groups and try to translate it to my particular situation. I consider my age as one of my fashion criteria like my hair color (which for me hasn't greyed, but gotten redder which a colorist once told me is my gray), my height, my body type, etc... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549871 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:43:35 +0000 Meredith1953 549871@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I see so many great comments on this very interesting thread.<br /> You have exquiste taste (from the postings I have seen) and you are lovely and chic. That is BETTER than looking super young.<br /> We all have to deal with not being perceived as "young" anymore at some stage of our lives. I'm 58 and like Shannon (who is much younger than I ) I LOVE my silver hair. I made a deliberate choice to go short and gray. Choosing colors that flatter my new hair color has helped me redefine my style (I used to wear mostly earth tones and had auburn hair). Knowing what fits and flatters you will keep you from ever looking frumpy. I can't even imagine you being frumpy! My hubs calls me his Jaime Lee Curtis (wish I had the face and the body!) but I consider it a great compliment. So, for me, I refuse to compete with Youth. The young can wear god awful stuff and still look beautiful because they are young. I just want people to think I look terrifc in clothing and look Marvelous for my age! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549869 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:40:42 +0000 Angie 549869@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You're sorting this out and it's been an interesting read. (I commented a few times at the beginning of this thread).</p> <p>I MUST make it clear though, that the pictures Claudia posted are from my annual April Fools post!</p> <p>Victoria, I love the outfit you posted! Your hair is KILLER. May I suggest removing the earrings. Wearing specs, earrings and a necklace together is heading into frumpy territory - and allowing the other items to make a statement is more youthful. Also, have you thought about wearing rimmed specs? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549867 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:38:36 +0000 velvetychocolate 549867@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I used to worry too that classic clothing could look frumpy, but after reading some of Angie's recent blog posts - I realized that classic pieces in unusual colours was a fun way to make sure it was "modern classic" and not "frumpy classic." </p> <p>I've also noticed too, that sometimes it's all in the accessories - fab shoes, an amazing handbag, or a stylish and well-selected pair of eyeglasses. Even watches...I haven't updated mine, but I can see how all of these would keep the classics modern-looking. </p> <p>In the meantime, I don't think you look frumpy at all! It sounds more like it's a shift from junior styles to misses, and I don't think this equals "frumpy" in any way.</p> <p>ETA: some examples of Angie's Modern Classic or Classic Modern outfits:</p> <p><a href="http://youlookfab.com/2012/02/14/fashion-week-day-4/" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/2012/02/.....eek-day-4/</a></p> <p><a href="http://youlookfab.com/2012/01/02/tomboy-orange-argyle-to-rock-the-new-year/" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/2012/01/.....-new-year/</a></p> <p><a href="http://youlookfab.com/2011/11/16/a-happy-red-coat-and-a-sad-blue-dress/" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/2011/11/.....lue-dress/</a></p> <p><a href="http://youlookfab.com/2011/09/09/fashion-week-day-1-bright-and-simple/" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/2011/09/.....nd-simple/</a></p> <p>There are lots more, but as you can see - these outfits are put together with classic pieces. Amazing, isn't it? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549859 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:30:28 +0000 HelenInCanada 549859@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@Claudia - that was brilliant! However, Angie couldn't look tawdry or cheap if she tried - even here she looks like an ultra stylish supermodel having fun!</p> <p>Victoria, I think *age* has nothing to do with looking frumpy. I see frumpily-dressed twenty-somethings all. the. time. If you've got style, you've got it until you stop caring - and from the sounds of it, looking great is important to you. There are SO many amazingly-dressed, stylin' 40+ ladies on this forum to be inspired by! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549858 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:29:20 +0000 Victoria 549858@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Claudia: thanks for the link, its awesome. I think Angie looks great no matter what, but this is definately trendy youthful look. I wear jeggings as jeans all the time so I guess I am on the right track! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549855 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:27:31 +0000 taylor 549855@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>what an interesting thread!!<br /> I am well beyond middle age and I never feel frumpy...fun hair and some trendy fun pieces mixed with some classics:)<br /> I also think ones carriage/stance, the way a woman walks, stands and holds her carriage has a lot to do with looking frumpy. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549852 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:24:51 +0000 Victoria 549852@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sarah: I think its true because before(maybe up to a year ago), I dressed in more trendy ..er...teenage way if you will which makes sense because I would only shop in junior departments(I still find it hard to find good fitting cloth anywhere else). And recently I started incorporated more "sophisticated" items in my wardrobe like buttondown shirt, more tailored jacket, scarves and I guess in comparison to what I used to wear it does look "older", lol. I also realized that even though my work is very casual, some things are just not right to wear there and so I started moving towards a more sophisticated wardrobe, hair included(although DH likes the hair so go figure. I thought he would hate it since lot of men like long hair but it hasn't been the case at all) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549811 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 22:36:05 +0000 sarah 549811@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Victoria, I'm 47, so I'm well past the 40 hump, and I think about this issue a lot. I really love Angie's posts about how to wear classics without looking frumpy and for me, that means always trying to add a little twist - I wear silk scarves inside of button downs, but I might add skinny jeans and slightly rugged boots with it, or modern, wide-leg trousers.</p> <p>On the other hand, I definitely don't dress like a 20 year old anymore - it just doesn't feel right to me, and I wonder if your husband is reacting a bit to your moving into a new stage of your life where work and age do demand more of a professional image. I have no idea if that's what going on in your life or not, but just thought I'd throw that out there in case. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549790 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 22:15:13 +0000 Anonymous 549790@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@Claudia: ROTFL! I had not seen that one! Too funny! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549780 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 22:07:33 +0000 Claudia 549780@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As I recall, when Angie entered her 40's she also had a brief struggle with this issue and here is her blog about her resulting April Fool's Day "style epiphany" for those who might have missed reading it!: <a href="http://youlookfab.com/2011/04/01/my-new-new-style-epiphany/" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/2011/04/.....-epiphany/</a></p> <p>ETA: Edited to make it clear this was an April Fool's blog post, and that this post by me was meant to put things into perspective, especially the "do's" and "don't's" that were mentioned earlier in the thread here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549768 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 21:59:49 +0000 rachylou 549768@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Veering off slightly... I have been coming to the conclusion that "matronly" is a style. It can be aging and frump-ifying, but it's not that some how a blouse will make you prune up with wrinkles. I think it has more to do with the energy you convey. And I don't think there's anything bad about matronly style. I mean, there are reasons why I person wouldn't want to be all giddy and why a man, for example, like my bf, actually prefers it on a woman.</p> <p>My bf, btw, always looks askew at my tall party shoes. He thinks they're silly and accepts them in the way he accepts my love of Diet Coke as a Pepsi guy (with amused but still sputtering gagging, LOL). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it/page/2#post-549750 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 21:41:50 +0000 Anonymous 549750@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have been walking the frumpy tightrope too, and sometimes I fall off into the *dowdy zone*. lol! Many of us have to compromise in certain areas (like comfortable footwear) but I'm hoping it's possible to compensate for it somewhere else.</p> <p>You do NOT look frumpy Victoria, but maybe hubs has a poison eye for silk scarves or something (not too convenient since you just bought that Hermes scarf ring)! Kim (QueenMum) has recently made me aware of how certain items can be almost "too classic". Get too many of these togther and you are just *classic* and not Modern Classic, which can look dated and that can up the frump factor. </p> <p>This is not a code that I claim to have cracked, but I'm trying to be aware of this and make sure at least part of my outfit is definitely current or even trendy (without offending my classic sensibilities). Good luck to us all! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549741 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 21:30:03 +0000 Kristine 549741@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm 40 so this has been on my mind also. My husband also happens to hate silk scarves on me. He's fine with woven scarves but something about silk just makes him think matronly. </p> <p>I think some men find it hard to see their wives age. Of course we all age, but my husband has a fear of looking old. I'm in a business position so I have to wear suits and that sort of thing while he's still in jeans and t-shirts. In my quest to be "appropriate" (because I started with no clue how to dress at all), I've probably fallen a bit over to the conservative side. </p> <p>I think your outfit is modern and young, I don't see frumpy at all. Being here is a great start. I'm sure Angie and the rest will sound the frump alarm for us if we venture into that territory. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549722 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 21:02:46 +0000 jenanded 549722@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Victoria, you just mentioned it later in these posts is that 40 is a weird mental place where you feel old. As Cocolion said she started wearing 'older' things until she realised it. And remember too your wonderful DH is ALSO moving along so his interpretation of self is walking alongside yours. My husband who has been very grey for 15 years was titchy about me giving up the bottle and he was so insightful when he said that there is only room for one grey haired person in this team!" I think you look super nice but its great you are reflecting on this place. As lots of others have said and how I think MaryK demonstrates, you get to a new place of accepting not being a 'kid' anymore and then you can go on being a more fantastic yourself again. SO looking forward to seeing more cute outfits! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549706 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:48:51 +0000 ironkurtin 549706@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's funny how a comment from DH, who probably isn't as attuned to nuances in phrasing as some women can be, can be so painfully resonant. Your DH should be flattered you care so deeply what he thinks. Definitely press him for details! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549691 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:28:15 +0000 Victoria 549691@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>cocolion and shannon: thank you! I honestly feel better now . I think that because I'm about to be 40, I started feeling "old" for the first time and of course, DH didn't help with his comments about "mature outfits", lol. He means well but him saying "its ok to look 40, now if you were 40 and looked 60 that wouldn't be good" wasn't really something I wanted to hear! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549690 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:23:00 +0000 CocoLion 549690@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There is nothing aging about this outfit. The fitted low rise straight leg jeans, blousey tucked top, are on trend and anti-frump. I can't see your sandals though, so can't comment on the footwear factor.</p> <p>Your lovely face looks so young to me. I know that 40 suddenly feels "old" but at 53 it seems really young again. So whenever I feel old, I try to look forward to 80 (if I get there) and think, wow, 53 was so young. So the lesson is: you are always going to be young to someone! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549689 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:22:47 +0000 Transcona Shannon 549689@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love what you're wearing Victoria! The blouse is a current colour and cut, your jewelry is fab and funky, and everything fits well. You also have a very stylish hairstyle. Nothing frumpy here! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549679 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:14:49 +0000 Victoria 549679@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>ok, ladies tell me if this is "older" look-I'm wearing it today at work. Black straight leg jeans, black flat sandals(I can't wear high heels)and top from Gap outlet.<br /> sorry for blurry pic </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549669 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:08:09 +0000 Claudia 549669@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, Laurinda, it sure as heck does. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549668 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:07:19 +0000 missvee 549668@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Cocoliion is absolutely right when she talks about wearing current footwear. I don't think there is anything that dates an outfit more than dowdy shoes will. You can take the same classic outfit, say a pencil skirt and sweater, and add a smart pair of boots or booties and tights, and voila - the style factor will soar. I also agree that eyeglasses and hairstyles have to be current too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549664 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:00:52 +0000 Victoria 549664@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Isis: thanks for ur comments. I feel better now, lol! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/middle-age-frump-and-how-to-avoid-it#post-549663 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:00:31 +0000 Laurinda 549663@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Claudia: "Aging is quite fashionable -- EVERYONE is doing it!"</p> <p>:-) sure beats the alternative. </p>