https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Thu, 09 Apr 2026 17:54:23 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-333874 Sat, 16 Apr 2011 21:42:30 +0000 Shauntelle 333874@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting to come upon this discussion today! I'm struggling with my body image right now a lot. Part of it is related to my metabolism finally slowing down after years of being super fast... so I've gained about 10 pounds and it's taking more than cutting back on seconds to move the weight... and the other part of it is related to recovering from marital problems. Even though my head knows that our marital problems had nothing to do with how I look or don't look, part of me still struggles with thinking if I looked differently, we wouldn't have had those problems. :(</p> <p>In the past, I guess I felt pretty good about my body. I've never had big boobs, which bothered me as a teenager, but once I was older and had a couple of kids, I felt happy with my body because I was still so small after having three kids. I guess I kind of built my body confidence around the fact that I was tiny. Then the marriage issues happened and of course one of the bad things that stuck in my head was that my husband felt my thinness wasn't "womanly"... and I had the unfortunate experience of having men suggest that I'd have the "perfect" body if I'd have a boob job (nothing better for your self esteem than to have a guy offer to buy you boobs, right? grrrr...)...</p> <p>so- yeah-- it's a struggle. I try to remind myself that I am fairly fit and one of the reasons I joined YLF was to help me focus on dressing my body as it is right now instead of worrying about losing weight. I'm not overweight at all and I'm pretty healthy (fortunately). I've been trying to think appreciative thoughts when I see myself in the mirror instead of picking apart the flaws I "think" I see. My biggest goal for changing that thinking is my daughter... also, I realized I was bringing some of my friends down with my body hate and I decided that I just didn't want to do that. Trying to get my actions to match my beliefs... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-333847 Sat, 16 Apr 2011 20:39:36 +0000 Scarlet 333847@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it is true that it is more socially acceptable to beat ourselves up than to say we feel great about something about ourselves. I loved reading Thunalata's post. It's kind of a funny thing, but I was recently very ill, and during this time I realized I felt a lot of love for my body. Somehow for me it made me feel like my body tries its very best for me and that I need to be kind and give back to it better instead of just using it up. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-333829 Sat, 16 Apr 2011 19:53:03 +0000 Elly 333829@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elisabeth-- thank you for the hugs. Improving is up in the air. Have a good day! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-333232 Fri, 15 Apr 2011 22:15:54 +0000 MsMary 333232@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We're all good! Group hug! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-333228 Fri, 15 Apr 2011 22:13:33 +0000 Queen Mum 333228@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>yes Una... and I already PM'd Mary and told her that. I hadn't even read her comment when I wrote mine </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-333223 Fri, 15 Apr 2011 22:10:08 +0000 catgirl 333223@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Mary, not at all - I think Kim was referring to me, actually, bashing myself because one part of me wants to complain, and another part of me wants to slap her. Your advice is ALWAYS welcome for me, in any context. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-333082 Fri, 15 Apr 2011 18:13:28 +0000 MsMary 333082@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I feel like I should hasten to add that I was just mentioning "externalization" as a technique that some people have found helpful. I would NEVER tell anybody her feelings were wrong or bad. I sincerely apologize for any such unintended implication that may have inadvertently crept into my post! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-333042 Fri, 15 Apr 2011 17:07:54 +0000 Aziraphale 333042@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Elly, I'm so sorry. That's a raw deal, and you're so young. Will your heart improve with time?</p> <p>Big hugs, girl. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332710 Fri, 15 Apr 2011 02:46:20 +0000 Elly 332710@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mary K-- you make a great point. When I first got cleared to return to the gym after I was diagnosed I was embarrassed. On the outside I look like a pretty normal 20-something and it was awkward to go to the gym at the college (hey, it is free!) and sit there and huff and puff next to other young people. It was hard not to compare myself, especially because I had previously been stronger than most of them. And honestly, I wasn't in that bad of shape--- I could still swim miles or ride on the recumbent bike, but as soon as I had to be on a treadmill I felt like I was dying and my heart and respiratory function dropped like 30%. </p> <p>It got a lot easier not to compare myself and not be embarrassed or hard on myself when I put it in perspective. After all, I am fighting heart failure. It makes the sneers easier to ignore. </p> <p>On the other hand, I find it hard to remove my illness and separate it from my body, because it impacts almost all my major systems. It doesn't feel like a bum leg, it feels like a bum body!</p> <p>I also find it really hard to characterize it as aging--- I have to have that talk with my parents sometimes when they complain about not being able to do something, because they aren't 25 anymore! My mom especially has been very spoiled by having parents that are in their 70s who don't have any major health problems and still get around like spry youth. She expects her own aging to go like this, but she hasn't done some of the same things that my grandparents did to maintain their good health. While I don't begrudge her feeling good, I do expect her feet and knees to hurt after a day standing carrying too much weight. I can't frame my own illness from that perspective at all, since I got sick overnight, not gradually, and at the age of 18 and then suffered for 3 years without treatment. When I was finally diagnosed it wasn't-- oh, I am aging, I might have to slow down a bit and take better care of my body, it was 'hey, I'm 20 and I never got to neglect my body or do all of the fun things that are hard on it, and it still hates me!'" It is also really hard to hear about how sick and hungover the other college students are, especially since I feel like that everyday, but without the buzz from the night before! </p> <p>On the other hand, I do appreciate what my body still can do more and do put taking care of the things I can as a priority. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332595 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 23:43:14 +0000 Mo 332595@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've been reading along. Not much to add except that I don't have to like all of my own perceived flaws to love my body. It's like my BF of 11 years - is he perfect? Not even close. Do I love him? You bet I do! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332591 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 23:33:45 +0000 catgirl 332591@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kim, that is very profound. My son often does that (he is a perfectionist) and I do say similar things to him as he tears up his flawed little masterpieces. But did I ever think to apply it to myself? Doh!</p> <p>Thank you for that very perceptive and therapeutic perspective. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332587 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 23:29:17 +0000 Carole 332587@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So many excellent points of view. I will have to sit on this for awhile to contemplate. But my first reaction is everybody has something they don't like, everybody has something they do. Acceptance is key and so is an attitude of being grateful for all that you do have, and focusing on that instead of what you don't like or don't have. Just like so many other areas of life that leave us "wanting" for something. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332579 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 23:21:49 +0000 Queen Mum 332579@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>warning... soap box rant ahead.</p> <p>Una- There is absolutely nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings. When you are in a place of hating your body, you should be able to state that without guilt or fear of anyone telling you that your feelings are bad. Your feelings on any given day are yours and they are real. </p> <p>I'm reminded of a talk I heard a preschool director give on kids and art. She told a group of moms that when their child creates art and then says that they don't like it, we should never say "oh no... it's a great painting... don't say you don't like it, yada, yada" When we do this we are telling them that their opinion isn't valid. Instead we should ask them "oh, tell me what it is about this picture that you don't like" This way, they learn how to process their own feelings and form their own opinions based on their own given likes and dislikes. This thought blew me away. It never occurred to me that it was okay for my child to not like something they drew.</p> <p>We painted our house a couple of years ago and I don't like the color. I felt guilty about not liking it, because obviously money went into it.. But acknowledging that I didn't care for the color allowed me to then move on and get over it. I still don't care for it, but it doesn't cause me consternation. I think if I hadn't allowed myself to admit that I hadn't made the best color choice, then I would have been lying to myself and internally battling to want to believe a lie. Talk about crazy making!</p> <p>In short (too late)... .. I think the first step to accepting our own bodies is recognizing what we don't like about them and being okay with that. Let's say I don't like my legs. If there is something I can do to make a change, it is my choice to decide whether to make that change. If it is something that is out of my control, I want to be given to freedom to be honest. If not, then now not only do I not like my legs, but I'm also now a bad person for not liking my legs. </p> <p>sorry to have rambled on. I hope I made sense. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332567 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 23:07:42 +0000 Janet 332567@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elisabeth, I also have fibroids but thankfully my symptoms are manageable. Actually, since I've started running, I think they're improving. </p> <p>Last year, after my mom's death, I got the fibroid diagnosis, had a scare with an ovarian cyst (which went away on its own), my blood pressure started creeping up a bit, and I had gum surgery. Even though this is more medical attention than I think I'd had in the previous 20 years combined, all of these things are relatively minor and are under control now, so I consider myself extremely lucky. </p> <p>As kind as my body has been to me, I spent a lot of years bashing it. My close friends since high school can tell you that I complained about my thighs even when I was 15 and 115 lbs. I grew up with a perfectionist mother who fretted about an extra pound on her body, so I suppose I learned it from her. </p> <p>I've come a long way and try not to give voice to those negative thoughts. My husband has noticed that I no longer say negative things about my body the way I did 10 years ago. </p> <p>Do I love my body? Because it is healthy and just carried me through four miles of running this afternoon, and because I can swim, hike, bike, run, hold a tree pose, etc., yes, I do. Do I love how it looks? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But the former is starting to overtake the latter, as I continue to learn to be kinder to myself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332559 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 22:57:19 +0000 Aida 332559@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hm I think we have different thyroid problems but the effects sound similar. I'm sure you can manage to avoid getting a goiter Getting diagnosed was one of the main prompters for me to move away from "I need to change what I'm doing because I don't like what I see" to "I need to change because I want to keep my body happy" even though it took a few years to actually get there.</p> <p>EDIT: I started to type up a "short version" of my story for you but it's long and I don't like to "memememe" post so I didn't post it -_- I can if you're interested though. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332557 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 22:51:20 +0000 Aziraphale 332557@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmmm, Julie, neat idea....I wonder what I'm going to name my fibroid. Something unpleasant, I think. Like Boris. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332551 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 22:46:53 +0000 catgirl 332551@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Aida, it has been ongoing and hard to follow - my thyroid is enlarged but my levels are borderline normal, although fluctuating, so probably it's a sign of impending crash. It probably started a few years ago but has recently gotten worse... bleah. Anyway, I guess I'll have to include goiter-love in my mantra. :)</p> <p>You eeped?! That's so sweet! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332550 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 22:43:20 +0000 Barbara 332550@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great post and comments, elisabeth. I was a tall, skinny kid who felt awkward and gawky for years. </p> <p>Now, at 56, I am SO very thankful for my genetics! I know it's hard to believe, but being tall and slim IS somewhat of a challenge - it's hard to find jeans in 4 long! </p> <p>Yep, I like my shape and work (out) to keep it that way! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332546 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 22:36:17 +0000 Aida 332546@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Julie and Mary, I'm fascinated with that idea! I'd never have thought of that. And UNA I'm so glad to hear this!!! (I eeped here at work!) You don't have to answer but is your hypothyroidism a new thing or an older thing? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332456 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 20:31:44 +0000 MsMary 332456@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great idea, Julie! Una, you can love and cherish your body while still struggling with the injury. We talked about this when I was in my marriage and family therapy master's program: It's called "externalizing" the problem and it works with just about any kind of problem there is. Like, "My body and I are struggling to overcome an injury," instead of "I hate myself for not being able to do what I'm used to doing." Or "I struggle against obesity" instead of "I'm fat and disgusting," or "I fight against low self-esteem" instead of "I hate myself." It works surprisingly well, actually. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332454 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 20:28:17 +0000 RoseandJoan 332454@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That is great Una, now all you need is a little momentum! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332413 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 19:35:46 +0000 Polly (thunalata) 332413@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, Una, how uplifting to read that. Very moving. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have/page/2#post-332405 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 19:14:47 +0000 catgirl 332405@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Julie, what a fascinating idea! This morning after thinking about this thread all night, I decided to try a different (but similar) approach. I looked at myself in the mirror and said (in my head), "Body, you've done a lot for me. I'm letting you down by hating you, and I'm going to love you and treat you better, even if that takes more effort than before." </p> <p>So a huge thank you to this thread for getting me to that point, even if talking to my body is a bit loony. I think I've already been looking at my recalcitrant body like a rebel uprising to be quashed, or an alien entity (STEVE!) that should get its act together already, instead of realizing that it's still me and my responsibility to maintain it, just like a car or a dog. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have#post-332395 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 18:51:15 +0000 RoseandJoan 332395@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Una, I have been watching a programme of late called Monroe. Monroe is a brain surgeon, one of the things this fictional doctor does is name and personalise brain tumours so the fight can become personal. Have you tried naming your injury? That way your anger can be directed at Steve(?) and away from your body which is the victim? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have#post-332318 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 17:21:35 +0000 Aziraphale 332318@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elly and Alaskagirl, you raise an important point. Petty concerns about body shape pale in comparison to real health issues that affect your quality of life. When your body "lets you down," it can an unpleasant shock. This has happened to me, too, recently. I was guilty of taking my robust good health for granted, and then a year ago I started to have problems related to fibroids (benign tumours) in my uterus. The bleeding, pain and pressure are really starting to get in the way of my life, and I'm probably headed for a hysterectomy, which can result in its own set of problems. At first I felt really whiny about it (why me?), but my mother-in-law wisely said, honey, by 50, EVERYONE has something wrong with them. And she's right. I'm coming up to 40 and I should expect my body to start to have problems. I can't protect myself against the random malfunctions that it will inevitably have in the coming years, but I can accept them, deal with them, and move on. </p> <p>I'm still totally with you on feeling like my body has let me down. I don't mean to be preachy. But, for me, accepting and expecting that my body is going to age, and that this doesn't just mean wrinkles and a thicker midsection, but also things that will actually affect how my body functions, helps me deal with those unpleasant changes emotionally. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have#post-332108 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 08:30:15 +0000 Irene 332108@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I feel quite allright with my body nowadays. I just wanted to add that some women may actually push others to feel worse about their bodies, and they do it unconsciously (I hope). I had a friend who was 5.7'' and 110-115 pounds. I weighted a bit more than that (not much more though) and I am shorter (5.4''), so I was 'fatter'. However, she would complain ALL the time that she had to lose weight and make her size 2 thighs thinner because OMG, look how big they were! So I went from feeling totally happy and actually a bit worried I might be underweight to feel like I should lose some pounds. When I told her something like 'hey, if you have to lose weight, what about me?', she'd say something like 'it's not me who has to decide that'. What was she to say? 'No, I am fat but you are skinny as hell'? Of course not. I guess she thought I should lose it, but now I realize that it was her having a problem, not me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have#post-332097 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 07:41:44 +0000 Aunty 332097@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have never hated my body, it has always been slimish and strong, nothing outstanding just an average type.<br /> I do have problems adjusting to the fact that after I turned 50 my bust went up to a 36C from a 34B and my middle is not as slender as it was. But my legs and hips have stayed the same size as before. I feel a bit unbalanced and not so sure how to dress the top half.<br /> All you wonderful ladies on YLF are helping me out with the change so I hope that soon I will be just as happy as I was :)</p> <p>Una big huggs, I hope you feel better soon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have#post-332089 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 06:01:05 +0000 catgirl 332089@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elly, that is how I feel right now, betrayed and a little resentful. I feel I have done my best to be healthy and active and eat well, and yet my shoulder is giving out, my metabolism is slowing, and my thyroid is crashing. Nothing as difficult as your situation, but frustrating changes anyway. </p> <p>I grew up surrounded by girls driven to eating disorders from external and internal pressures, and I'm thankful I didn't have that issue - but this recent bout of being physically "down" has made me reassess how I need to approach my own health and aging issues, and the fact that I can't just take my body for granted anymore. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have#post-332077 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 05:06:45 +0000 Elly 332077@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a good body image-- I mean, I love my body, I have never been a body-hater. There are things that are beautiful about all bodies.</p> <p>On the other hand, sometimes I feel a bit betrayed by my body. One week I had a run of the mill virus and the next week (overnight, really!) I woke up with pain and heart problems that didn't go away. It wasn't a gradual thing I go used to. I miss what my body could do, and I also struggle with what my illness has taken from my personality and my mind. Sometimes it can be difficult to look in the mirror--- not because I look objectively crummy, but because I see my illness written all over my face. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/loving-the-body-you-have#post-332069 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 04:23:22 +0000 Aziraphale 332069@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Shabby, what a nightmare. I'm glad you found a way to get past it. Clearly I didn't go the same route as you in terms of finding a way to leave anorexia in the dust, but I always like to hear from other women who have tamed their body image issues and emerged healthier at the other end! Well done, girl. </p>