YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Looking your age

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Looking your age https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 26 Apr 2026 03:56:26 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Irene on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age/page/2#post-1339717 Mon, 25 Aug 2014 19:45:01 +0000 Irene 1339717@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I get asked if I am studying (at Uni) all the time. Actually, I get asked what I am studying. Now, I know you can study at any age, but I'm pretty sure they ask me because they assume I am at a student's age. I am 26. I finished my MA two years ago, for God's sake! When I tell my age, they are like 'whoa, really? I thought you were, like, 20 or something'. That said, I look much older now than I did five months ago. It's not exactly 'older', but experienced. Because I am. I am much less innocent than when I first came to London, on my own. I have learned so much, and the hard way, and it shows in the way I move, talk and relate to others. There's this girl at my workplace, she's 24 and she looks like she is in her thirties. And I don't think it's because of her appearance (although she does look a bit severe with her hair up) but because she has had an admittedly tough life, so she doesn't act like I did when I was 23. She can't afford to do that. I find that happening a lot more in the places I work at now, where people usually haven't been to university, therefore started working full-time earlier, getting married earlier, and having what I basically call an adult life earlier.  anne on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age/page/2#post-1339527 Mon, 25 Aug 2014 12:42:25 +0000 anne 1339527@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have the same situation Traci.jI am a similar age to you and Just the other day at work my new boss asked me if I was a "new grad"!! Now admittedly it was in the context of my doing something for the first time in this job(because I am new to this position) and I am in a profession with lots of people doing it as a second career. But I still hastened to explain that I had years of experience because I had the same fears as you that I would be seen as much less mature than I am. It was the same fear that first led me to cut my hair short when I was 25 and people would mix me up with the students who worked there.  My hair is now longish again, and I do wonder if I look too young. I have had a different experience vis-a-vis kids than you, in a way. I had my first when I was 29, which was young for my peers in the city. But when DD#1 was a toddler we moved to a regional town, and there the norm was very much to have children starting in your early 20's or younger. So at playgroup, when I had young children ( I had 2 more) the assumption was that I too was in my 20s. And yes I also get the "too young to have 3 kids" sometimes. Apart from the concern listed above, I try to take it as a compliment. Janet on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age/page/2#post-1339493 Mon, 25 Aug 2014 11:05:19 +0000 Janet 1339493@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My mom looked easily 10-15 years younger than her age, right up to her final days. My sister is 10 years older than I am, and more than once my mom was asked if she was my sister's sister. Tickled mom, to be sure, but not necessarily thrilling for my sister to hear. Ingunn on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age/page/2#post-1339463 Mon, 25 Aug 2014 07:09:36 +0000 Ingunn 1339463@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm 46 and have children aged between 15 and 20. Only this weekend I got several remarks about how that was possible from people I met at a party. Most people estimates my age to be about 5-10 years younger than I actually am. I think Sveta and others have pinpointed the reason since the majority of people I meet had their children later in life than me. I was barely out of university when I had my first daughter, so I'm a bit different in that respect, I suppose. And I dye my hair! If I didn't I'd look 10 years older for sure. I agree with Una, it's not only a good think to slow down the process. In reality, I'm very happy about my actual age. Life wasn't better when I was younger, not at all.  Traci, I think people mean these comments as compliments, and I definitely choose to look at it that way. The only time it was embarrassing was when someone asked if my daughter and I were sisters. My daughter was 16 at the time and clearly not amused by the remark. I thought it was hilarious because anyone should be able to see that this could not be the case. catgirl on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1339424 Mon, 25 Aug 2014 04:40:59 +0000 catgirl 1339424@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is a tough one.  If I let my hair grow out it would be probably 65% grey.  My stylist will not let me do it because she says it would not match my face.  Do I enjoy looking younger than my age?  Yes.  But is it a priority?  No. On the other hand, I think it would be a bit of a shock to grow out my hair and suddenly look like I'd aged 10 years.  So there's something to be said for aging along with your birthdays. I think in general it's something people say and intend kindly, whether or not it carries a complex social message - just like "have you lost weight?" - assuming we all want to hear it. DonnaF on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1339405 Mon, 25 Aug 2014 04:03:21 +0000 DonnaF 1339405@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I had DD when I was 40, have friends who adopted or could afford to conceive with assistance, had kids after grad/professional school, etc. -- so kinda run with an older parent set.  I would be one who would be amazed that you have a 17 year old since at your age I was changing diapers. People tend to be surprised at DH's and my ages.  He's balding but goes to the gym daily and has Filipino skin so is not wrinkly.  And I'm the weight I was in high school although everything is a bit lower these days.  But frankly, Gaylene is 1,000% right. I am proud to say, "But this is what 61 looks like."  OTOH, I realize that after out teenage years, how old we look tends to diverge partly due to genetics but a lot due to how we treat our bodies.  Too much sun, alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, poor medical and dental care, and living on the streets age bodies immeasurably. ironkurtin on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1339329 Mon, 25 Aug 2014 01:00:57 +0000 ironkurtin 1339329@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just jumping back in to say I would so, so much rather be thought younger than older than my age.  When I was 28 someone thought I was 35.  I about died.  Gah. rachylou on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1339278 Sun, 24 Aug 2014 23:20:19 +0000 rachylou 1339278@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I sort of think people exactly what they say. They have an idea of how a person with a kid of 17 should look and what age they will be. They are surprised when it doesn't hold true. I worked with this one girl who was so shocked I was older than her mother. But we were, well, from different tribes. .. Preppies are never allowed to gain weight. Her culture you're kinda supposed to be fat in all honesty. Classically Casual on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1339208 Sun, 24 Aug 2014 20:03:10 +0000 Classically Casual 1339208@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My mother is 96 and doing pretty well. When I've accompanied her to medical appointments she clearly gets tired of everyone gushing over her chronological age vs. her appearance. I guess we all carry preconceived notions about age whether we're aware of them or not. Gaylene on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1339151 Sun, 24 Aug 2014 17:49:40 +0000 Gaylene 1339151@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I've always been a bit bemused when people look shocked when I tell them I'm 65. Even my rather young, new family doc surreptitiously sneaked a look at my chart to see if he had heard me correctly. My personal theory is that so many people have an image of how a person will look and act when they get "old". To someone in their twenties and thirties, "old" is being in your fifties and sixties--grandparent material, so to speak. Encountering someone who is the right age, but doesn't fit the "grandparent" image leaves them at a loss. Swooping by a "youngster" in his early thirties on a black diamond ski run is bad enough, but the notion that it was done by a 65-year-old woman can really mess with his head. The reality is, in lots of ways, I do feel my sixty plus years. I can still ski those black diamond runs, but not all day, or even consecutively, because my stamina and knees aren't what they used to be a decade ago. My back sometimes bugs me, I can't wear heels, my neck and hands are getting wrinklier, and I have less patience when people in their thirties and forties expound about how fabulous you can be in your sixties and seventies--and that age is just a number. Looking, and acting, young for my age is a mixed blessing that takes more effort than might be apparent on the surface--and I don't know how long I'll have the good fortune to keep it going. Style Fan on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338837 Sun, 24 Aug 2014 00:26:35 +0000 Style Fan 1338837@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have always looked younger than my age.  I am almost 60 but I look some other age.  Who knows what age that is.  People look shocked when they find out how old I am.  My father's side of the family is young looking.  I don't think about it much except when I was starting my career in my twenties I had to work harder to prove myself.  Anonymous on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338832 Sun, 24 Aug 2014 00:17:06 +0000 Anonymous 1338832@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Really interesting thread.  And Traci - just from looking at your thumbnail profile pic, I see you as looking young too!  In my circles, we all had our children well into  our 30's so no-one has kids older than say 18 or 19.   And we're  into our early 50's!    I think it's the juxtaposition of your fun, youthful looking image, and having a teenager!  Nothing wrong with it, and as all others have said here - roll with it!   I am almost always thought to be younger than I am, which is fine by me. It is an asset in my job - and I am very conscious of it.  I didn't have my DD until I was 35 and she keeps me young!  I do admit to possessing an often-mocked (in a good way) resting bitch face though - which I try to be aware of and soften. Or not, when it comes in handy  - wink .  Jules on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338829 Sun, 24 Aug 2014 00:12:58 +0000 Jules 1338829@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks for starting the discussion Traci. I think people have covered most of the things I was thinking. As for work, when I was younger (but not that young) it did bother me to look younger and be assumed to not have any work or even life experience. I eventually realized it was more about my style (or lack thereof). Not just clothes but lack of makeup, hairstyle etc. So it was something that was under my control, like it or not. Now that I'm midlife/mid career, it's actually probably to my advantage to look a bit younger (which I don't anymore, ironically!). This will vary by situation and industry, but were I ambitious to climb up the ladder, the people I would need to impress are 30-something MBAs, the "new breed" of managers at my large co. Forget 50+, you are on your way out via forced early retirement. Interestingly, again I realized quite a bit of it could be projected via style... My age didn't matter as much as these guys thinking I could be one of them, or having an element of cool in their eyes. I do think there might be an "oh how time flies" element to these compliments you get, or maybe even "wow, I still feel young, but I could have a 17 year old too, had I started younger..." - which is something people might have mixed feelings about. I don't regret my choices but I will be an oldish grandparent, my parents may not make it to my kids' weddings, etc. But I'm not conciously thinking all that when I make such a comment - it's truly meant as a compliment. JAileen on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338792 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 22:20:23 +0000 JAileen 1338792@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I remember when I was 37 I got carded at the grocery store for trying to buy beer along with the other groceries. My six year old was along. I thought the checker was kidding and started laughing. He wasn't. Fast forward two decades: I let my hair go grey last year. It is very silvery. Anyway, some people see grey hair as proof of old age. Recently one of the residents at my 90 year old mother's retirement home asked me if I lived there, too. Lyn D. on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338777 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 21:50:06 +0000 Lyn D. 1338777@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I would rather be told that I look just plain 'good',  but will take any and all compliments with a smile! :) Thistle on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338762 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 21:24:26 +0000 Thistle 1338762@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ As the others have said, I think it is the changing times where women are having babies older. I was 35 when I had DD, and I was the average age in my doctor's practice of women having first time babies. More women are getting married later, too. Average age for women to get married is now 27 with the average age of first birth 30. That does not take into account geographic and socioeconomic variations. What IK said. Take the compliments and roll with them! Adelfa on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338761 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 21:23:08 +0000 Adelfa 1338761@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I get that too. My mom always told me that having acne meant I'd look younger when I was older so maybe that's it! Also I had my kids young and people are surprised when they find out the girls are 27 and 29. My oldest friend who is my age has a four year old. citygirldc on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338758 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 21:07:52 +0000 citygirldc 1338758@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I too get that I look younger than my age but it doesn't bother me one bit, although I do feel (and possibly look) my age now. I' ll take a compliment like that anytime. By the way, Most of my friends who've had children were all in their 30s. Janet on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338703 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 19:19:50 +0000 Janet 1338703@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I hear this sometimes (I'm "not old enough" to have started working in radio 30 years ago) and yeah, sometimes it might be a bit of flattery at work, but I am never bothered by these kinds of remarks. I'm 49, and I'll be honest, I'm vain enough that I don't want to look *older* than I am. If I look my age or younger, that's great. I say take it as a compliment. I've heard that I don't seem old enough to be my stepsons' mom, which is funny because it comes from people who assume they are my sons. My first reaction was "Oh, I'm not old enough" because their mom is 8 years older than I am, but chronologically speaking, I easily could be their mother -- I would have had them in my early 20s which is totally feasible and not weird at all. Angie on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338661 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 17:48:13 +0000 Angie 1338661@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ What IK and Sveta said. These days, people have kids well over the age of 30 and 40, so it's unusual to know someone 40 with a 17 year old daughter. Most of my friends who are 40 have very young children - even babies. And I would absolutely assume positive intent. I've met you in person Traci, and you're a lovely, happy, chipper person. Of course people want to compliment you. xo Parsley on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338660 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 17:45:19 +0000 Parsley 1338660@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Well, I think people mean that sort of compliment in a nice way, so I take it as such.  I'm 60 and sometimes get that sort of thing about not being old enough to have grandkids in middle school. I do have all the usually signs of being my age, but I am energetic and dress in an up-to-date way, so I guess I give off a youthful vibe if you don't look too close! I just say thank you, and don't question their motives. I guess I believe in not looking a gift horse in the mouth! (unless they're trying to sell you something, as IK says... )   Echo on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338642 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 17:09:55 +0000 Echo 1338642@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree with IK. Often when people are joyful or seem radiant or just plain happy, people notice. But many people cannot put their finger on what it is, and fall back on the easy way out of saying you look younger. It is as common in the scenario you describe (them finding out you have teenaged children) as commenting on the weather, for some reason. I think it is just something nice to say, and it happens to a lot of people. Don't over-analyze what strangers are thinking/saying, because it often really doesn't mean anything at all. I have "radio voice", and people - men especially - would be fascinated by the fact that I don't have a high pitched, breathy, or feminine manner of speaking. So what did they say? They asked if I was a chain-smoker! Here I was, 20 years old and in college, working in a record store, and people would first ask if I was on the radio, and then they would ask where/how I got a voice like that. When I told them it was standard on this model, they fell back on the idea that something had to make my voice that way, and they settled on chain-smoking. Odd, but people are weird. Suz on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338569 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:45:43 +0000 Suz 1338569@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hahaha, love that, IK. "Unless they are trying to sell you something..."  ironkurtin on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338566 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:41:31 +0000 ironkurtin 1338566@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ If you're getting that compliment a lot, I would assume it is sincere.  I wouldn't dissect compliments so much!  You'll suck the joy right out of them.  Perhaps the people saying it simply aren't creative enough to say what they really mean - that you have a lovely energy, or carry yourself with lightness, or something - so they fall back on what's easy.  In any case, they are trying to forge a bond with you, and unless they're trying to sell you something, I'd just roll with it. SarahTheWhite on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338561 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:34:30 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1338561@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I hear you... This is a complicated one for me. I will be 42 in nearly a month and I have been mistaken as younger all my life! As a teenager and all the the way through my 30's I found that annoying and somewhat demeaning. I really wanted to be taken more seriously. I do have to admit though, that I am enjoying it a little since turning 40. But I'm still conflicted. I still sometimes feel as though people give me the metaphorical pat on the head. I think that you are right about demeanor and expression playing a part. No matter what I wear or how I style myself, people always read my expression as young and innocent. It's just the way that I look. So I have learned to feel flattered with the young comments and try to prove by my work and my life that I have substance to offer as well. When people care enough to dig deeply, they often find surprising things. I had a man on an airplane ask all of the right questions, and after hearing my whole life story, he surprisedly exclaimed "wait! How old are you?!" So sometimes it's like having a little buried treasure... Suz on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338560 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:33:37 +0000 Suz 1338560@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Interesting, Traci. I tend to think that Sveta might be right. I didn't have my daughter until I was 40 and know lots of others in that situation. So some of us have skewed perceptions as a result of that.  As one of those older mothers, I think I may have said this to friends with much older children occasionally -- even if they do "look their age."  Sometimes it is less a comment about the individual than about the shocking way time flees on us. You know...it was only yesterday that WE were the age of our kids, blah blah blah.  I am also one of those who grew up looking much younger than my age. I occasionally got carded at the liquor store well into my 30s, and even a few times in my early 40s, though it does not happen now. People often assume I am younger than my brother (who is 7 years younger than me.) People sometimes think I am my mother's grand-daughter. Now, that is bizarre, since she was an older mother too (she was 33 when I was born). But...whatever.  I don't think I look particularly younger than my age now, but I do look younger than a lot of others my age, if that makes any sense. I don't mind either way --- I'm happy to be the age I am and I am not purposely trying to look younger, although I am trying to look youthful or rather current, and energetic. (The "youth" part really isn't crucial -- it's more the "currency" that I am after.)  In work settings, I suppose it could be a reflection of how seriously one is taken, although not necessarily. I guess you'd have to judge by other factors there -- if you are treated as "less than" and passed over than maybe it is a disadvantage. OTOH in a youthful company or one whose managers put a priority on youth or youthful ideas and energy, it could be a distinct advantage. All depends.  Traci on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338559 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:32:38 +0000 Traci 1338559@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sveta, that is a good point about people having kids later.  I am younger than many of my daughter's friend's parents, but not by an unbelievable amount! Diana, I am short as well.  I think that may play a part in it. IK, it mostly rubs me the wrong way because it just doesn't seem quite sincere.  I DO look my age.  I don't get carded for alcohol and haven't since my early 20's.  If I ask someone to guess my age, they usually do.  I've even pushed a little further when I got the "don't look old enough to..." and have said "Could I pass for *age minus 5-7 years*?" to which they agree that I could not.   Diana on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338555 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:26:16 +0000 Diana 1338555@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Interesting about the kids thing too. I see it a bit differently though. Around here and esp in academia, like Sveta mentions, many people have their first kid after 30 after they're done with grad school. So if you have a kid, that's a signifier of being OLDER (for someone around my age.) ironkurtin on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338552 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:24:02 +0000 ironkurtin 1338552@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree with Sveta.  I also say that when a person has beautiful skin and looks happy/rested but it turns out they have 3 teen boys.  (Sometimes I ask if they use Dove.) It's just a friendly compliment.  I'm sorry to hear it rubs you the wrong way.  I'd assume positive intent. Diana on "Looking your age" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/looking-your-age#post-1338549 Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:22:38 +0000 Diana 1338549@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm 34 and don't have children so I have a slightly different perspective than you, but I've been told my whole life that I look younger than I am. Only in the last couple of years have I become ok with this, and even then ONLY in non-professional situations. I know I DO look young, or at least of indeterminate age. Partly it's because I'm short, and a lot has to do with genetics. It's notoriously hard to tell how old Asians are. My mom was constantly told she looked 30 when she was almost 50. In fact, one time someone told my dad, "what a beautiful daughter and granddaughters you have." (ouch!). My grandma is 90+ and looks 60. You get the idea. I'm sure I'll be glad of it when I get older. That said, it annoys me to no end when it happens in a work setting. I work somewhere where professors, post docs, grad students, and undergrads all mingle and it's not always immediately clear who is who. It's also very casual. I would say I dress sharper than 90% of people there. I'm the only person at work that regularly wears a blazer. Yet I routinely get mistaken for a student. This worries me because I am getting ready to apply for assistant professor jobs! There are things I do to appear older (wearing specs, shorter hair, wearing things like blazers) but they seem to be of limited effectiveness. And I DO have resting bitch face. It apparently does not help in my case.