YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 25 May 2026 07:40:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854489 Fri, 20 Oct 2017 15:01:36 +0000 Anonymous 1854489@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have not gotten to the chapter in Lisa's book that speaks to neurotransmitters, Fashiontern.  I paused my reading to conduct this exercise.  Now that I have established (and admitted to myself that I am a compulsive shopper), I will resume reading this weekend.  If I find discover anything I think the Forum would appreciate, I'll post about it.  That way we can all be part of the conversation.   Stagiaire Fash on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854467 Fri, 20 Oct 2017 13:29:37 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 1854467@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My shopping is often very similar to what Greyscale described--I buy things in order to have more time to decide on them. I don't see this as an unhealthy thing at all. But there are other times when I cruise shopping sites for reasons that are clearly related to other emptinesses in my life that should be resolved differently. Sometimes I buy then, sometimes I don't; either way, it probably isn't healthy. I've been reading about neurotransmitters for the last couple of years, so that chapter sounds interesting. Laura G on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854312 Thu, 19 Oct 2017 18:12:38 +0000 Laura G 1854312@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ AnnieMouse, you probably couldn't find the book because the title is spelled wrong here--it's Shopping Brake.  I don't think impulse control is your next step. I think your next step is meeting your needs for pleasure, comfort, diversion--those needs that are currently being met by shopping. If it's specifically feeling bored and frustrated at your desk, can you make your work environment more pleasurable? Art? Flowers? A beautiful lamp or pen cup? Can you listen to music with earbuds? Can you get out in the sun for five minutes now and then? If you have a lot of down time to fill, is there something you've been wishing you had the time to learn? You can't learn to ski at your desk, but what about a language, or...? Ok, so I don't know your situation and all these suggestions could all be way off the mark. But I'll bet if you step back, you can think of more ways to please and occupy yourself than just shopping. Sterling and DonnaF -- You've identified a wardrobe hole for me! Not loungewear, because I'd have to get up and change into it, but better pajamas! And more of them, since they get so much wear. (My husband thanks you.) Sterling, I totally sympathize with the sugar addiction. I have sat at a party and eaten every single piece of candy in the bowl on the coffee table, acutely aware of everyone watching me do it, but unable to stop myself. If abstention is working for you, more power to you.  AnnieMouse on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854256 Thu, 19 Oct 2017 14:46:57 +0000 AnnieMouse 1854256@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, thank you! I appreciate the link! Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854248 Thu, 19 Oct 2017 14:01:14 +0000 Anonymous 1854248@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you for speaking up, AnnieMouse.  I bought the digital version of Lisa's book on amazon.  I'm sure they have other options, if you prefer paper copies.  The title is Shopping Brake: Proven tips to stop shopping wrong, and start shopping right for a wardrobe you love by Lisa Deerwood.   <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B074858SLB/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o00_?ie=UTF8&psc=1">https://www.amazon.com/gp/prod.....#038;psc=1</a> Janet -- What surprises me is how many of us use shopping as a distraction from really important (and scary) issues in life.  I know I do. It really is the perfect distraction if you don't have other issues compounding the problem.   I have been lucky in life.  I can shop with little adverse effect (other than an overflowing closet).  Still this thread has been very enlightening to me.  It is nice knowing I am not alone.  I suspect if I had to deal with a tenth of what other Forum members deal with every day, my shopping/buying would get out of hand.  Janet on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854218 Thu, 19 Oct 2017 12:53:21 +0000 Janet 1854218@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Interesting thread. I know I tend toward some compulsive behavior with shopping. I started this year with very little shopping, but this fall has seen a sharp increase. Part of it is changing seasons and itching for new pretties to celebrate my favorite season of the year, and cleaning some old things out of the closet. But part of it is a bit of coping mechanism as there are some stressful things going on in our lives right now (deeply worried about the health and safety of a family member). I'm trying to mindfully distract myself in other ways -- long walks and short runs in the woods, and some playing with my wardrobe to remix old stuff -- but I can't deny I get a kick out of shopping. It's never impacted budget or relationships, but I am aware that I'd like to step back again now that I've refreshed the fall/winter wardrobe. AnnieMouse on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854211 Thu, 19 Oct 2017 12:42:15 +0000 AnnieMouse 1854211@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have appreciated this thread so much. Thank you all for your really thoughtful words - I haven't been posting much in a while, but I found a lot of value in this thread.  Over the past few years, as I've had a desk job with lots of down time and lots of blocked sites (and a lot of emotional upheaval as well), I've found that I have been engaging in a lot of mindless browsing/ shopping to fill the time and divert myself. I keep trying to mitigate, but as Sterling has observed in herself, when I decide to not shop for clothes... I will find myself shopping in other ways to fill that gap (make up, household goods, kitchen gear, exotic foods, books, exercise equipment... You name it, I can rationalise it).  Next stop: impulse control.  Thank you again. This has been so helpful. Lisa, would it be possible for you to send a link to your book? I'm not having good luck with my Googling today.  Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854196 Thu, 19 Oct 2017 10:45:50 +0000 Anonymous 1854196@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LauraG -- I didn't mean to laugh at you, but your last bullet was kinda funny.   Your post was so enlightening to us all.  We all benefit from the wisdom of others.   I personally find when I have to write things down, one sentence leads to another which in turn leads to still one more.  As I write the analysis lays itself out before me on the page.  I am so glad you benefited from this post. YAY for you.   I had the same problem with thrifting as you did.  I found amazing treasures that I had to bring home or I found things that were interesting and worth experimenting with.   A long illness can get you down!  If shopping helps with mood management and recognizing that it is meeting emotional rather than practical needs is a huge step forward.  I am all for using everything we have in life as a tool.  Your solution of buying one item instead of a cartload is brilliant.  I hope it works for you and I will watch for future posts from you.    And DonnaF, you too were amusing.  I have to agree.  LauraG should be working on developing the absolute best lounge capsule she can.  I would recommend fabrics that engulf and soothe the body and soul.   My sordid confession is that I can't resist sweets. There is no amount of self talk that get me to put down a sweet in favor of something even better later.  I will consume both and then still go looking for more.  I have to do the "absolute nothing thing" (like an alcoholic) in order to refrain.  I have tricks that help me.  Most importantly, I try to avoid those people that are always pushing sweets on me (good intentionally?).    DonnaF on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854089 Wed, 18 Oct 2017 23:43:12 +0000 DonnaF 1854089@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Laura G, parts of your post made me smile in agreement. I hope you have a GREAT lounge wear capsule because you deserve it for all those days you don't feel up to par. I've pretty much given up Ross, Goodwill and other thrift/consignment stores for my resulting bad decisions. The jury is still out on Uniqlo. And sweets? You are so on the money. Or should I say so on the dopamine? I'm starting to think the same way about restaurants. Eating at a Michelin starred place sets a bad ($$$) precedent. Same with drinking $$$ o-sake. I guess it is still fortunate that I am still able to drink cheap wine from Trader Joe's. Laura G on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854084 Wed, 18 Oct 2017 23:21:21 +0000 Laura G 1854084@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <div>I love Approprio's pleasure-principle approach to purchasing decisions. It's exactly what I use to limit junk-food consumption. I'm always tempted by sweets, and I find a blanket prohibition is counter-productive. So I ask myself when tempted, "Is this the absolute best way I could satisfy my sweet tooth right now? Is it exactly what I'm craving?" Most of the time, it isn't--it's just a random sweet thing that happens to be in front of me. So although I have my own permission to eat it if I want to, most often I end up "holding out for something better." And if I do eat it, the pleasure principle keeps me from having a second one, since the second one is never as pleasurable as the first.</div><div> </div><div>Clothes shopping, on the other hand. With the best of intentions I've come home lately with things I find I have no particular urge to wear. I'm in a wardrobe building stage, after long years of no shopping, plus throwing out most of my wardrobe--twice--due to weight fluctuations. And after so many years of not shopping, I'm far from having a defined style. I'm trying a lot of new things. I guess it's too much to expect that everything will work.</div><div> </div><div>But still. I now have 50(!) tops entered in ClosetSpace. Just tops. How did that happen? </div><div> <ul> <li>Thrifting. I went back to thrifting specifically so I could experiment with new (for me) looks without paying Nordstrom prices. But the very fact that it's So Cheap short-circuits my normal deliberation. If it's at all interesting and looks like it has a chance of fitting, it goes into the cart.</li> </ul> </div><div> <ul> <li>Illness. I don't have seven days in a week to wear my clothes, or even just to try on outfits. I have only as many days as I'm able to get dressed. So although I have a lot of nice clothes now, it doesn't feel that way because I don't get to wear them much. And so the idea persists in the back of my mind that I need to buy some new clothes. Kind of like when I couldn't read for several years and my library grew like Topsy because I still wanted to read.</li> </ul> </div><div> <ul> <li>Illness again, indirectly. When I'm well enough to run errands in town, I feel like celebrating. So what do I do? I drop into Goodwill. On bad days, I'm limited to what I can do sitting down. I can shop online sitting down.</li> </ul> </div><div> <ul> <li>I overestimated how much I actually needed. Even getting dressed every day, I don't need nearly as much as I bought. Some simple math could have told me this up front. And I likerepeating outfits, which shrinks the numbers even more.</li> </ul> </div><div>Well, this is turning into one of those posts that's more useful to the poster than to anyone else. I appreciate the opportunity the forum offers me to sort these things out, even if nobody reads to the bottom. And I have actually come to a couple conclusions.  </div><div> <ul> <li>One, I actually have lots of new clothes and really don't need any more "wardrobe building" at this time. There are no doubt some wardrobe holes but you have to actually wear your clothes to figure out what those are. </li> </ul> <ul> <li>Two, a long illness can get you down and if shopping helps with mood management, then I'm ok with using it that way--a lot of the "healthier" options aren't available to me. But knowing I'm shopping for emotional rather than practical needs (on second thought, mood management is a practical need), I'll buy one item instead of a cartload. The first piece of chocolate gives you the dopamine hit, the rest just wrecks your blood sugar.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Three, bullet points are fun!</li> </ul> </div> Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854073 Wed, 18 Oct 2017 22:38:44 +0000 Anonymous 1854073@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I care, Rambling Ann, and will pray for you. Music always lifts me up. I guess that’s why I’m a pianist and vocalist. I hope you find all the tunes you need to help you get through this. Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854053 Wed, 18 Oct 2017 20:23:15 +0000 Anonymous 1854053@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rambling Ann -- Making a photo book of happy memories is one of the best ideas ever.  I hope you decide to do it and doing so brings you comfort.  A monster playlist is also a great idea.   Let us know how you are doing.  We care. Sterling Rambling Ann on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854042 Wed, 18 Oct 2017 19:37:29 +0000 Rambling Ann 1854042@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm not shopping-driven, but this thread applies to me too. I am wasting too much time on the Internet as a distraction from a family member's frightful illness. I am resolving instead to go through my ITunes and make a monster playlist for relaxing and triggering happy memories. Maybe multiple playlists, but getting organized and psyching myself up to make a photo book of happy memories. I used to have one during a time when I was deeply unhappy, it needs updating. I have more than enough, it's just where I focus my attention that needs to change. Toban on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854030 Wed, 18 Oct 2017 19:02:11 +0000 Toban 1854030@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Approprio, I really liked your comment: "I also applied a simple rule of thumb to any potential purchase: it had to be at least as good as the very best stuff in my wardrobe. I wore my best clothes to go shopping and made sure anything I brought home was at least as good as anything I was wearing." This is excellent advice. I also find that my best and rewarding shopping trips occur when I'm wearing the clothes that I feel best in; my best colors, my best fit, my best confidence building clothes. Then everything gets compared to that. It makes it easier to say no to items that aren't your best color but fit.  approprio on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break/page/2#post-1854029 Wed, 18 Oct 2017 19:01:47 +0000 approprio 1854029@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Lisa, thank you so much for the detailed reply. I had to ask because impulse control is definitely an issue for me. I'm aware of it and I know I have to watch myself with potentially risky behaviours. So in my personal context, the term reward seeking makes far more sense. And you should never apologise for hijacking a thread with your name on it. If anyone should apologise, it's me - I can't contain my curiosity when I'm learning so much, and that's some reward-seeking behaviour right there Thanks to Sterling for another dive into this thought-provoking topic. Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1854002 Wed, 18 Oct 2017 17:00:37 +0000 Anonymous 1854002@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Lisa -- You never hijack my threads.  I was hoping you would drop back by to respond to Approprio.  I personally think this is a worthwhile thread and probably interesting to a lot of people.  Remember if it helps just one person then it is all worth it.  And for all we know that one person could be me! Lisa on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853929 Wed, 18 Oct 2017 13:55:33 +0000 Lisa 1853929@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Approprio-Addiction is an interesting word because it's definition is often muddled with a cross between the habit and the neurochemical reactions. If you run a Google search on addiction you'll get a variety of answers on it's definition. But the end all take-away is that addiction is the need for something that is habit forming. For a person with substance abuse, it would be the physiological need for the substance (after all, when used long enough the body does become dependent on outside substances). In the case of shopping addiction, it is behavioral addiction. The same reward seeking behavior is there, except this time it's sought in the form of doing an activity, versus ingesting something. I've defined this behavioral addiction as a compulsive addiction in my book. A compulsive shopper needs to shop, hence they lack impulse control.  Now this is not to say that everyone who thinks about shopping is a compulsive shopper (or addicted to shopping). You mentioned you haven't read my book, but in Chapter 1 I discuss the 4 behaviors that I have associated with compulsive shopping, as well as present exercises on how to determine if the reader have a shopping addiction or not. In essence I give the reader the tools to objectively determine if there is really a problem. And if there is one or more areas out of sorts, then the reader can take steps to change it. Someone addicted to shopping will have eye opening numbers on the pattern of their behavior and now they will also have a way to measure their progress as they make changes over time. You mentioned that you moderate your shopping, manage your wardrobe, and live within your budget. This is all awesome to hear! But a compulsive shopper will do little to none of these, because they simply can't.  A compulsive shopper has to shop, period. They have to do the 4 elements I've defined in the book. Everything else goes after that primary driver. Social relationships, maintaining wardrobe sizes, sticking to budgets and lists, etc. for the shopaholic they simply can't do it.  I hope that answered your question.  Sterling, sorry for hijacking your thread! Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853805 Tue, 17 Oct 2017 23:08:42 +0000 Anonymous 1853805@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ DonnaF -- I nearly always order two sizes when I order online.  It just makes sense.  So of course I have lots of returns.  The UPS and mail men know me on a first name basis.   I want to stress there is absolutely nothing wrong with shopping/returning.  I shop A LOT.  If you are missing your daughter and shopping is a welcome distraction, then good for you!!!!   If your closets are overflowing though, you may need to consider moderating your behaviors.  There is no pressure on this post, just interesting information and support.  I try to do one in - one out to keep my closet in line.  I still have an abundance of clothing.  It is funny because when I came to YLF, I imagined I was a minimalist.  I have since learned that is not the case.   On a side note, I did not realize you could put things on a Nordstorm Wish List and then for markdowns.  What a fabulous idea.  Thank you.   GREAT jacket too.  YAY for you.   DonnaF on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853802 Tue, 17 Oct 2017 22:04:02 +0000 DonnaF 1853802@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm trying to figure out where I fit in. . .Ninety percent of my shopping is Nordstrom online. Several times a day I peruse their website for new additions. Anything that appeals goes on my Wish List. I check my Wish List multiple times per day for markdowns. When an item is marked down or sometimes sooner, I decide whether I want it or not. If yes, I order it and most often in multiple sizes. Probably 80% of what I order goes back, maybe even more due to multiple size ordering. And today, I re-ordered a pair of booties because the zipper on one side zips roughly and I am afraid it will break prematurely. I also have some NAS stuff I haven't worn yet, mostly because it has been too warm. My closets are starting to overflow, and I know that I technically have enough. I keep asking myself why. Is it because I miss my daughter? Yesterday, she mentioned that she wanted a pleather jacket to replace her worn out cropped jeans jacket, and today I found this one. Pleather can be dreadful, but you'll never know unless you try. So of course I ordered two sizes for her which made the both of us very happy (birthday gift dilemma solved!), and one size for me. Less happy, but I'm really curious. approprio on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853749 Tue, 17 Oct 2017 18:13:25 +0000 approprio 1853749@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Lisa, I know you've done your research both in and out of the trenches. I also haven't read your book, so I hope you'll correct me if this seems contradictory to your findings. I'm intrigued by the framing of shopping addiction as being about specifically impulse control. Now, I'm not exactly known for my impulse control. In fact, I'm horrible at controlling my impulses, and they are many. By any objective measure, I'd be a perpetual shopping addict. And yet, I moderate my shopping, manage my wardrobe and live within my budget.  When I talk about using the pleasure principle constructively, I'm not coming from a place of boundless self-control. Hah! I might as well be herding cats. Nope, if anything it's the other way around. Instead of exhausting myself trying to muster self control I know I'll never have, I've simply reversed my motivations. This doesn't apply so much to my shopping habits, but to the standards of quality I'll allow into my wardrobe, which I have raised dramatically. I'll admit that this is extremely risky in the beginning but it has paid off enormously in the long run. I also applied a simple rule of thumb to any potential purchase: it had to be at least as good as the very best stuff in my wardrobe. I wore my best clothes to go shopping and made sure anything I brought home was at least as good as anything I was wearing. And I got dressed really nicely every day. I turned all the pleasure of going shopping into the pleasure of getting dressed. I am still prone to impulsive shopping. I still make mistakes. Shopping is fun and I allow myself to enjoy it but I don't ever, ever shop to make myself feel better. That's what getting dressed is for. Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853649 Tue, 17 Oct 2017 12:17:18 +0000 Anonymous 1853649@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you for the recap, Jenni.  I knew you had been bullied.  I missed the post that explained it in detail so this was quite helpful to me.    It also spoke to me in a different way.  I too was labelled as "materialist" and "shallow."  And the thing that gets me is that the very people that opted to label me had far deeper issues than I had that the time.  It was as if they were afraid to look internally so they looked externally.  They were very judgmental and controlling.  It gave them a feeling of superiority and had the added benefit of distracting them from having to own their behaviors.  At first, I fought back.  In time, I came to realize it was a complete waste of my time.   I was happy.  I didn't think they were.  So I win.   Jenni NZ on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853631 Tue, 17 Oct 2017 07:29:39 +0000 Jenni NZ 1853631@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm really liking this thread too. I feel that I had psychological reasons for my closet becoming so full. Sorry if I have said all this before, I don't think it would be in a thread of my own and therefore not easy to find. One reason was letting go of guilt about being "shallow" and "materialistic" that I had felt in the years heavily involved in the Baptist church( 2001-2008, ages 40 to 47). When I left altogether due to bullying by the senior pastor I was desperately looking for some relief and retail therapy provided that somewhat. I also began to remember the actual joy I had got from clothing since childhood and through my 20s when I hadn't felt so conflicted. It was like rediscovering a part of myself that I'm so happy to have found again and to realise it was there all along! And that it's a good thing. I'm not very creative otherwise so putting outfits together is a way to express creativity for me. And I seem to have now juxtaposed it with concern for others, the workers who make the clothes, etc, without that guilt coming back. And one way is by looking at pretty stuff online but not actually buying it. That works really well on Styletread for some reason, my favourite shoe website. I put shoes I love on my Wishlist and am hardly tempted to buy them. I have only bought one pair ever in about 2 years and that was nearly a year ago. But I am sure I am getting that neurochemical reward from doing it, and it is definitely relaxing! It is a good mindless relaxation after looking after people all day. YLF is a great relaxation too, but not so mindless! Very deep at times, mixed with good fun. Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853492 Mon, 16 Oct 2017 19:20:17 +0000 Anonymous 1853492@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Brilliant, Lisa.  Thank you for the clarification.  I can shop with wild abandon.  I put stuff in carts.  I don't necessarily have to buy.  Frequently, I delete the contents of my cart after a week or so.  Having said that, I have decided I am a compulsive shopper and I am moving on to the next chapters in your book.     Lisa on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853430 Mon, 16 Oct 2017 14:35:01 +0000 Lisa 1853430@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is a great thread, I'm really enjoying the insights and observations here.  Shopping as relaxation (and/or stress relief), IMO that's a fine line to walk. For someone like me, it's too easy for my shopping to become buying, and then my credit cards start smoking, and my closet becomes overfilled fast. So shopping as relaxation doesn't work well because I don't keep it as the act of only shopping. And the shopping turning into buying is what is giving me the real emotional experience and resulting neurochemical release that I am craving. But of course, there are those people who truly find it relaxing to shop AND have great impulse control. They stop at shopping and DON'T buy anything during their shopping time. When that is the case, then shopping truly is relaxing because the act of shopping is giving the payoff. It all comes down to control (or lack of it). I had someone ask me the other day, "how do you know when you are a shopaholic?" This can be a loaded answer filled with descriptions and behavioral examples. But the bottom line is, it comes down to CONTROL. A shopaholic has no control, and the non-shopaholic does.  The tracking exercise in Chapter 1 is an opportunity to gather a lot of information about yourself, especially:  a. how often you do something and b. if you want to do it less, can you REALLY do it? For myself, in the beginning, I could not. If I shopped I bought. Period. If I made a return, I bought. Period. Of course, now I can shop and return without buying, but it took everything I talk about in my book to help me reach that point. Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853253 Sun, 15 Oct 2017 18:56:39 +0000 Anonymous 1853253@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So nice to see you, Approprio.  I have missed your very wise and informative posts.   You raise some very good points.  Shopping or browsing the internet (in my case) is a form of relaxation.  I have not stopped shopping or purchasing; I am only trying to become more aware of my behaviors.   Online browsing distracts my brain and greatly reduces stress. I have always known this.   Now, having said that, I have become only recently become aware of the fact that I have a compulsive component to my personality.  It is not any one thing.  It can range from bingeing on sweets, drinking more than I intended, cleaning, organizing, or shopping.   This is not noticed or commented on in real life because I spread my compulsions across so many categories.  I myself was only dimly aware of the fact that I had these tendencies.  I started paying more attention.  I can't deny it any longer.   I am taking action going into the three-month Holiday Season which makes bingeing on food and alcohol or shopping so easy for me.  This is my absolute favorite time of year.  I have always given myself permission to eat as much as I want, drink as much as I can handle, and shop as much as I can afford.  No limits.  My brain goes into rationalization mood.    Well, that was the past.  I am putting limits on it this year.  I joined Weight Watchers.  I am reading Lisa's book.  I am distracting myself with healthier alternatives, like weekend vacations with my BF.   I will re-assess how I did after the Holiday Season.  Get this.  While everyone else will be making New Year's Resolutions, I'll be relaxing my vigilance.   approprio on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853243 Sun, 15 Oct 2017 17:48:28 +0000 approprio 1853243@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Nice thread Sterling! Congratulations on the book Lisa! I hope this doesn't across as a derail to an interesting topic, but I'm reading through the responses and I think it's worth asking the question: where does all our anxiety about shopping come from? For instance, Greyscale makes the observation that she shops often but purchases rarely. This doesn't necessarily indicate addictive behaviour - only that she likes being out and about in the city, where there are shops, and shops are interesting, or that she likes looking at fashion online and planning future purchases. Nothing wrong with any of that. Did anyone ever accuse any men of being addicted to watching football? I'd like to see some research data on that topic.  I'm not for a moment suggesting that shopping isn't addictive. I know it is, which is why I'm always on guard against it. But if all you're doing is looking at clothes online to relax with a little dopamine hit at the end of a stressful day, please cut yourself some slack.  All that said, I really love Lisa's ideas for tracking shopping-related behaviour. This ties in very well with a mindfulness technique I've been using lately, which is about monitoring awareness throughout the day and directing energy according to that, rather than stressing about what I "should" be doing at any particular moment. The idea behind it is that the brain is tuned in to what it needs at any particular moment. Sometimes it's ready for action, other times it needs to coast on autopilot for a while, or it might just need a nap. Works pretty well so far. I suppose what I'm driving at is that if shopping is a stress reliever for you, then use it sensibly as a tool for relaxing rather than cutting it out completely, because that's never going to work. Sooner or later, you're going to have to buy something, so you may as well enjoy it for all it's worth. :) Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1853012 Sat, 14 Oct 2017 11:33:07 +0000 Anonymous 1853012@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It has been two weeks.  I did have compulsive urges to shop during the second week.  Those compulsions may have a lot to do with things others than the shopping itself (is this rationalization?).  The past three months have been unusally stressful.  I think shopping serves as much-needed distraction and stress reliever.  I believe that as everything levels out in life, that urge to shop will begin to dissipate.   BUT we are going into the Holiday Season.  I started my Christmas Gift Browsing on Wednesday.  It is rare that I can do Christmas Shopping in a single weekend (too exhausting and stressful).  I will likely be at the mall quite a bit in late October/early November.  I ship stuff so I try to have the majority of my shopping done before Thanksgiving.   Anonymous on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1851924 Mon, 09 Oct 2017 11:15:44 +0000 Anonymous 1851924@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hmmmm .... Alexandra.  IF I were being totally honest with myself, you would be right.  I'll have to think about it today and wrap my brain around the fact that I "might" be a compulsive shopper.  My reluctance is the fact that labeling myself will have implications that I will have to start working on.  Wiggle room.   But truthfully, I realized on Day 8 I had to buy something or go crazy.  So yes I have compulsive shopping tendencies.   Great post, Marina.  It was extremely helpful.  I have explored my personal shopping triggers.  They include boredom; reward; and distraction.  I often use shopping to distract myself when facing something unpleasant or just plain bored.  I used to use buying as a means to reward myself when I achieved a certain goal.  I stopped the "reward" shopping sometime ago.   Is it reasonable to say that if you have compulsive tendencies in one category, you likely have compulsive tendencies in other categories as well?   Greyscale -- You describe my pre-2017 shopping habits precisely.  I was on a type of treadmill of buy and return.  I eventually came to describe my behavior as bulimic shopping.   Like you, I don't have financial repercussions.  It all came down to the time devoted to shopping/returning.  I got so tried of the return cycle.  I made the decision in 2017 that it had to stop.   I made the decision that anything that came home with me was staying (unless defective).  That was step one to changing the way I thought about purchasing.  I had to make my brain understand there no "easy out" any more.  I'm not saying I stepped off the treadmill entirely, but I made measurable progress.  This also forced me to really think about my purchases.  To date, I have spent $657 less than I did at this time in 2016 and I have reclaimed a lot of my personal time.  I can't say I am using that time any better though but I am trying.   Thank you, Unfrumped.  I try to be honest with myself most of the time. There are always periods of self delusion, but I am usually aware of them and have "granted" myself permission for a period of time.  Jenn -- congratulations on doing well with the seasonal shop.  I am transitioning to that type of shopping because my wardrobe has reached a point where seasonal shops make sense.  I honestly think I will spend less and buy better too!!!!!   Hi Robin -- I agree that when I prohibit something, it usually backfires on me.  Unfortunately, I am a "black and white" type of person.  I am completely incapable of find that middle ground that so many well-adjusted people settle in.  This is not a shopping or purchasing fast, it is really just an exercise in being mindful of how often the shopping compulsion hits me and what I do about it.   Jenni -- I read Recovering Shopaholic as well.  I thought she wrote really well and presented me much food-for-thought.  I was sad when she opted to go on hiatus.   I am thrilled that you are here with us on YLF and have added your voice to the Forum.  You enrich all of us with your wit and wisdom (and great shoe collection.   CindySmith -- I am glad you mentioned substituting one behavior for another (possibly equally unhealthy) behavior.  That is something I am acutely aware of.  Anytime I change one behavior, I have to watch for changes in other areas of my life.  It is an interesting balance, isn't it?   Barbara Diane -- I understand getting that hit or rush of endorphins.  I am making myself do things instead of shop.  We are planning one weekend vacation per month from October through November.  That is one-on-one quality time with my BF.   LDB -- Thank you for introducing me to the book.  I likely would not have come across it by myself.  I am reading the book slowly so I read to the point of this shopping exercise.  I established the fact that I am a compulsive shopper.  Yes.  I am admitting it now.  I will pick up the book this evening and begin where I left off.   Waves at Lisa.   Marina on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1851816 Sun, 08 Oct 2017 22:24:40 +0000 Marina 1851816@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is a very interesting post that resonates with a scientific article I read a few days ago. They were talking about how willpower/self-control works from our brain's point of view. Everyone has a reward/punishment center, but our triggers to these responses are not necessarily the same, each person has it different. A rewarding feeling may be triggered by shopping, purchasing, eating, drinking, playing games, watching sports/TV/Netflix, gambling, taking risks, taking a really long bath...  a lot of things. And every time we need to restrain or push ourselves from/in doing something we don't really feel like, this also produce some response/activity in this brain area, so every time we have to force ourselves on doing or not doing something (like not eating dessert when we really want it or being nice to an annoying co-worker or relative when we actually feel like screaming at), it makes harder controlling other impulses a little later - and this may become a habit (or a compulsion) in time. In other words, if you try to force yourself into doing something that requires a lot of your willpower, this will make you feel a lot more likely to shopping/purchasing (or whatever triggers your rewarding feelings). Just an academic curiosity, but have you thought about "what triggers" your shopping itchy? ps.: I'm a procrastinator. Wherever I have to force my self to hard on doing/not doing something, I start procrastinating doing everything else (shopping and eating included) and watch a lot of Netflix.  Alexandra on "Lisa's Exercise of Being Mindful of Shopping Behaviors" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lisas-shopping-break#post-1851809 Sun, 08 Oct 2017 22:02:53 +0000 Alexandra 1851809@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, it seems to me that if you're talking about an "itch to buy", you're really talking about compulsion. What exactly happens if the itch doesn't get scratched?