https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Thu, 14 May 2026 07:41:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be/page/2#post-1894848 Wed, 28 Feb 2018 14:57:06 +0000 Angie 1894848@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>GOOD JOB, <b>Sterling.&nbsp;</b> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be/page/2#post-1894771 Wed, 28 Feb 2018 11:05:01 +0000 Brooklyn 1894771@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good for you Sterling! And in the meantime, I hope that you continue to wear your nice new things. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be/page/2#post-1894766 Wed, 28 Feb 2018 10:38:20 +0000 Anonymous 1894766@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments. &nbsp;<u>The comments were incredibly therapeutic</u>. &nbsp; </p> <p>I&nbsp;spent <b>February</b> searching for well fitting slacks for work. &nbsp;Yesterday I began the onerous task of "ruthlessly culling" my wardrobe. &nbsp;I will devote most of <b>March</b> to this task. &nbsp;So no shopping in March, just evaluation and assessment. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be/page/2#post-1894718 Wed, 28 Feb 2018 03:54:42 +0000 Lynn 1894718@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sterling- Sorry to be late replying. I have been out of town the last week. Your new pants are great and I hope you are enjoying wearing them. I am so happy for you.&nbsp;</p> <p>Your initial reaction the next day is so familiar. &nbsp;I always have to warm up to new things, even clothing. New items often sit in my closet while I wear old familiar items. I am such a creature of habit. &nbsp;In the future if a new item is replacing an older item I think I need to immediately purge the old item to force me into wearing the new one right away :)&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be/page/2#post-1894363 Tue, 27 Feb 2018 08:43:52 +0000 Sal 1894363@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Insightful post - and a moment to treasure as I think this is really helpful. Wear those well fitting pants- enjoy them!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894337 Tue, 27 Feb 2018 05:33:26 +0000 Emily K 1894337@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry--I haven't been able to keep up with my reading lately and so I've not read all the responses. &nbsp;But! &nbsp;I feel the need to mention that I think CPW and target number of wears is really only useful at the time when you are weighing a purchase--not after! &nbsp;You hope to buy something that will be worn enough to justify its purchase in terms of wallet cost and the cost to Earth/society. &nbsp;You carefully consider how the item will be used and how often it might be worn. &nbsp;If you find out, after, that you've made a mistake, punishing yourself by keeping the item in your closet or forcing yourself to wear it makes no sense at all. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894336 Tue, 27 Feb 2018 05:32:55 +0000 Anonymous 1894336@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It seems totally reasonable to get a little crazy with the rules when you've made such a dramatic life change.&nbsp;</p> <p>As for cost per wear..</p> <p>I confess I'm more "value per longevity", because sometimes there are things that are just so great to have when you need them, but don't get worn that often before I want to move them on to their next life. If I don't have to spend an hour sitting on the bed feeling sorry for myself because I have to get dressed for something unusual that's worth a lot.</p> <p>Luckily I wear my day in day out clothes constantly so it all balances out.</p> <p></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894281 Tue, 27 Feb 2018 01:33:08 +0000 Suz 1894281@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Sterling</b>, first of all, we've all been there -- one way or the other. Trying to fit into clothes that really are too small...or trying to pretend that too-big clothes are still "passable" because we spent so much money on them and/or love them.&nbsp;</p> <p>You are doing the right thing in getting rid of the clothes that don't fit. Banish them! Someone else will be SOOOOO happy to have them.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894278 Tue, 27 Feb 2018 01:20:09 +0000 Anonymous 1894278@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I should have put some smileys around what I said....sorry! It was meant lightheartedly </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894274 Tue, 27 Feb 2018 01:16:06 +0000 Gigi 1894274@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Smittie,&nbsp;</b>yes, that is how I use CPW: to find out whether the stuff I'm spending money on is getting worn or whether I need to change what I'm buying. I also find it very helpful for identifying the longevity of an item: how long does it last before it falls apart, and did I get my money's worth out of it before it died? If I keep noticing that certain fabrics or brands fall apart before I've gotten what I feel is an appropriate number of wears from them, then I need to change what I'm doing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894177 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 19:05:29 +0000 Anonymous 1894177@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That IS messed up.<br /> I think cost per wear is a bad thing for a lot of people. It should not be a goal. Just a yardstick to see whether your current buying habits are working or not. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894173 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 19:01:03 +0000 Gigi 1894173@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sending hugs to you, Sterling! I have this issue too....and it looks like a lot of us do, judging from the comments above.</p> <p>I think you can pat yourself on the back for noticing immediately what you had done, and why. And then you took immediate action. And you plan to remedy the temptation by removing the clothes that don't fit. Yay! We can't control how we feel about situations (feeling like you have to reach for the old pants), but we can control what we do about the situation.</p> <p>I think if we keep too much stuff around that we don't want to wear, we create a lot of emotional clutter for ourselves, which makes us less emotionally available for others. So when I am struggling with getting rid of an item that is no longer worn, I just think of how much more "open" emotionally I will feel if I'm not holding on to the item.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894171 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 18:58:41 +0000 Style Fan 1894171@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a great post, Sterling.&nbsp; I have some weird thinking about my clothing.&nbsp; I wear my old clothes and save my nice clothes for ........&nbsp; Leftover from my childhood.&nbsp; I am 62.&nbsp; I better start wearing my nice clothes soon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894157 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 18:35:03 +0000 cindysmith 1894157@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yeah, my brain is broken like that, too. Good for you for overcoming it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894128 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 17:21:42 +0000 Elizabeth P 1894128@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a great post, Sterling, as always.&nbsp; And some great responses too.&nbsp; I have done this exact same thing, grabbed clothes that are too big in the name of "comfort", but looking sloppy doesn't feel very good either. </p> <p>So glad you figured yourself out before you left the house, and actually DID something about it!&nbsp; I will take inspiration from you and move some things out of MY closet. &nbsp; </p> <p>PS... I think you'll really enjoy those blue pants.&nbsp; I got some similar this winter, and love them.&nbsp; Great for pattern mixing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894124 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 16:59:40 +0000 Jenn 1894124@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Barbara Diane </b>and<b> Cardiff Girl,&nbsp;</b>I have a skirt that I wore for a funeral on an early wear (maybe the second), and it's SO hard for me to wear it now. I have no problem with the items I wore with it, both well-used essentials, but the skirt had so few memories attached when I wore it that it sort of filled up the whole tank immediately.</p> <p><b>Sterling,&nbsp;</b>I have the cost per wear issues, too, but I'm glad you gave yourself a break here. This is different than a cycle of constantly buying new clothes and then wearing them over perfectly good older pieces. That would be a problem. What you've done is careful shopping to fill a need that your old pants weren't filling. You DO deserve clothes that fit, and someone in your old size will appreciate the clothes that no longer fit you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894118 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 16:04:21 +0000 Barbara Diane 1894118@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Such a useful post. A pat on your back for figuring it out before you left home. </p> <p>Cardiff girl, I have only the extreme version of your first wear thing-funerals. Now I’ll try getting my first wear in first. Thanks for writing about it as I wouldn’t have thought to change the first wear. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894107 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 15:51:08 +0000 Cardiff girl 1894107@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a great post thank you for being so honest.I do this and haven’t really thought why until now.Of course my reasons may not be your reasons but for what it’s worth I think I m worried about spoiling nice clothes so I save all my nice stuff for “best”.I also very strongly associate clothing with how I feeling on that day.So for example if I was starting a bad cold and wore a new item of clothing on that day I would always in the back of my mind associate that piece with feeling unwell so l think to avoid “contaminating “the clothing with a bad first wear I only wear it on days when I’m feeling good.This doesn’t hold true once I ve worn the item it’s only the first wear.Weird or what but there you go! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894095 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 15:16:31 +0000 Angie 1894095@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You crack me up. Thanks for being honest.</p> <p><b>Sterling</b>, clearly, you are more focused on cost-per-wear than fit. That's the wrong priority, and I know you are trying hard to change the habit. Good job.&nbsp;</p> <p>Get rid of the items that don't fit, now.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894093 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 15:13:01 +0000 Nomad 1894093@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sterling, I think a lot of us have that problem. As you've already determined, the solution is to remove the not-right items so they're not even an option, and they can get a second life with someone else. (My big stylist-driven closet audit at the end of 2017 was my way of doing this, too.)&nbsp; That's a huge revelation!&nbsp;</p> <p>You put in so much work and effort and thought to find pants that make you feel great; you totally *earned* those pants and you should have and wear things that make you feel fabulous. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894089 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 15:08:56 +0000 JAileen 1894089@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sterling, I do that, too. Good for you for donating the old baggy pants. I need to do the same. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894082 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 14:54:14 +0000 Christina F. 1894082@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hah, if it were me, I wouldn't put too much stock into what I reached for on a Monday morning! Once you pass on those pants, problem solved. It sounds like you're ready to give yourself permission to enjoy the new pants. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894080 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 14:41:55 +0000 Colette 1894080@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><i>"The best way to enjoy your favorite things is to only own your favorite things."</i>&nbsp;I cannot remember where I read this, but it's been my mantra this month.<br />&nbsp;<br />I'm so happy you ended up wearing your new pants and are getting rid of the poor fitting pants. For me this is the only way to force myself to wear my 'best' clothes all the time. I&nbsp;will reach past something I love for something so-so, over and over. It is a difficult habit and mindset for me to change but I continue to work (struggle) through it.</p> <p>Think about how hard you worked to find those perfectly fitting pants, now enjoy the heck out of them! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894076 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 14:28:48 +0000 karen13 1894076@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes to what everyone is saying. Me too! I even haul things out of the donate pile which doesn’t make it out of the house often enough. Guilt is a huge driver for me personally. I have started trying to give the higher cost item that don’t fit (gear especially) to people i know with the statement “if it doesn’t work fo you or your daughter, please donate.” That helps me feel better. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894074 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 14:07:38 +0000 Katerina 1894074@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Sterling, this is such a great post! I recognize the kind of&nbsp;behaviour - I do&nbsp;similar things. I often&nbsp;reach for&nbsp;the "second best" rather than the "best" item. Despite the fact that I have many great items which for me qualify as "the best", if it makes sense. "The best" are more than enough actually.&nbsp;I have been reflecting over why I do it. I think it is because I&nbsp;somehow try to save&nbsp;"the best" to last longer,&nbsp;because I want to have&nbsp;them forever and because I feel&nbsp;they are&nbsp;impossible to replace - i.e. <u>complete nonsense</u>.&nbsp;Thank you for this post, it is very helpful to start to reflect over our "messed up thinking".</p> <p>Wholeheartedly agree with Toban. High five to you!&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894073 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 14:04:31 +0000 Sisi 1894073@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>&nbsp;I do the same with a bunch of old clothes: they fit, they even flatter me, but I have worn them rarely because they made me feel unhappy, for a series of reasons. Well, in no way I can get rid of them.&nbsp;I recently realized that unconsciously I feel that I have not "amortized" the expense.&nbsp; If you will be able to get rid of all your ill-fitting clothes I will be happy for you. :)</p> <p></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894072 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 13:52:33 +0000 Toban 1894072@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Sterling</b>, I see so many positives in what you wrote, in the order I saw them. 1) you are well on your way to your goal of losing weight; 2) you carefully assessed fit and didn't settle for close enough when replacing your pants; 3) although you grabbed a too big pair, you found it unsatisfactory and switched to a perfect pair; and 4) you’ve decided to move them on. Well done! This is fantastic. </p> <p>Yes, it can be frustrating to pass on an item that didn't achieve a reasonable cost per wear. I appreciate Marie Kondo's philosophy on this. It's similar to the sunk cost fallacy. My paraphrase is this: The money is spent and can't be unspent; focus on whether it brings you joy now. I understand this completely. Today I am passing on an infrequently used REI rain jacket that I had bought a year and a half ago, just a half year before I started my weight loss journey. I've worn it maybe 10 times. One of the worst cost per wears of outdoor gear that I've ever had. When I put it on this weekend I was swimming in it. But I needed a lightweight rain jacket. So, on Saturday I replaced it with an amazing urban Arc'teryx rain jacket in my new size (yay!) and am passing it on to a very good friend who wears my larger size who I know will appreciate its quality and color. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894071 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 13:44:23 +0000 Anonymous 1894071@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you, <b>Glory</b>.&nbsp; It took some mental gyrations to allow myself the luxury of wearing them.&nbsp; I do feel fabulous.&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894070 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 13:40:29 +0000 Glory 1894070@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You are not alone! But so happy to read that you are wearing the new, make you feel fab, navy pants! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/let-me-tell-you-how-messed-up-my-thinking-can-be#post-1894064 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 13:20:59 +0000 Anonymous 1894064@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Unfrumped</b> -&gt; EXACTLY.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>Thank you, <b>Aquamarine </b>and <b>RobinF.&nbsp;&nbsp;</b>That helps a lot.&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> <p><b>UmmLila</b> - The pants are really nice.&nbsp; I have worn them twice now.&nbsp; No bagging in the knees.&nbsp; The fabric feels very rich against my skin (and I am sensitive to fabrics).&nbsp; I haven't washed them yet.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>