https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 18 Apr 2026 10:17:11 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women/page/2#post-1633548 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 05:47:07 +0000 Sally 1633548@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I do understand what you mean about the obligatory smile.&nbsp; I always got that as a child.&nbsp; I remember a man teacher telling me he would help me with my wood work project if I would just smile for him.&nbsp; I have found the whole idea insulting ever since. </p> <p>Saying that, I do dress to flatter the figure.&nbsp; I always put on weight on the bust and stomach and the last thing I want to do is draw attention to that area of my body.&nbsp; Sometimes that means tricking the eye so the shape is more hour glass or skimming over the area.&nbsp; I feel more confident when I am dressed in a way that I find more pleasing for myself.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p>I really like the unstructured look though and live vicariously through others that pull it off.&nbsp; We have a Japanese girl staying with us and she always wears clothes that are totally unstructured with the white sneakers....totally suits her.&nbsp;&nbsp; I dont like the unstructured look on myself because I feel the whole bust thing makes me look matronly and its not a look i want to convey.&nbsp; I did once wear my pyjamas to a gig so I'm not always into looking conventionally aesthetic, but I do think I was trying to look cool.&nbsp; </p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women/page/2#post-1633518 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 04:02:03 +0000 catgirl 1633518@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Echo, for sure!&nbsp; That's why I posted, to see if we could sort it out.</p> <p>Shevia, I hate that too.&nbsp; Have you seen the PSA on B*tchy Resting Face?&nbsp; It's hilarious and is me to a T. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633504 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 03:47:16 +0000 Jaime 1633504@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Whenever this comes up I think about how many times I have told by random men to smile. This, perhaps apropos of nothing, happened yesterday. &nbsp;Loosely translated:<br />Guard* (distinctive Russian accent): Hello how are you?<br />Me (distinctive American accent): Hello, fine, how are you?<br />Guard: Would be better if I could see your smile.<br />Me: Smile<br />Guard: Do you have any *other* weapons?<br />Me: Chuckling, no.<br />Guard: Have a good day (gate opens)<br />* In Israel we are checked on the way into malls and parking lots.&nbsp;</p> <p>In my younger days, like last month, I would have scowled and glared my way through this interaction. I guess I have crossed some line and lightened up a bit, but I still resent being told to smile.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633497 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 03:36:32 +0000 Echo 1633497@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This whole thing makes me wonder who is qualified to judge and on what basis? If we aren't judging from traditional figure-flattery (and I am not saying we should or should not), where does that leave things? On the one hand, I love the "anything goes" thing with fashion now, and on the other, it can be REALLY confusing. It blows the mind how the COS looks can be embraced, but Laura Ashley is roundly laughed about. In my mind, one is as ridiculous as the other, and I guarantee that at some point, the Laura Ashley look will come back, too. Will we all be looking for ways in which to embrace the "new look" when it comes around, and will we be criticized for not being open minded enough if we don't like it? Is there EVER any point at which things just become silly, or is it a matter of embracing the silly things at the right time and shunning them at the wrong time? </p> <p>As far as this particular look (lagenlook) goes, I can identify what works to my eye and what doesn't, but then I wonder if I just don't "get" it. I don't really understand the crop flares or the COS trend or a number of other things, so perhaps I am simply unqualified to judge? But then again, would someone who embraces the COS look be qualified to judge how I dress? The whole thing can get very messy.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633485 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 03:19:56 +0000 catgirl 1633485@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Deb, yes I think so.&nbsp; The YY looks are one of my faves and I pin them all the time.&nbsp; It's definitely A Look. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633475 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:59:24 +0000 deb 1633475@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So I just thought about the Accidental Icon blog and want to know if she dresses Lagenlook? I went to her site to get the address and she is talking about (I think) the look today.</p> <p> <a href="http://www.accidentalicon.com/blog/2016/3/21/accidental-i" rel="nofollow">http://www.accidentalicon.com/.....cidental-i</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633474 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:53:36 +0000 deb 1633474@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ok, just saw this thread and must have missed the other thread because I just had to Google Lagenlook. I had no idea what it was. Eileen Fisher-esque. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633467 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:36:34 +0000 Bonnie 1633467@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>rachylou: Yes he is and a sweetheart, too.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633466 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:35:16 +0000 Bonnie 1633466@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You are a great mentor and walking shoe expert!!! Shadow style - I like it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633465 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:34:30 +0000 rachylou 1633465@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ok. Now I'm impressed by DH. A man of the world, clearly. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633458 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:29:08 +0000 catgirl 1633458@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Bonnie, what a sweetie and a good sport you are.&nbsp; The Lagenlook style very much resonates with me, although I am far too lazy to layer.&nbsp; I think you should definitely keep a small capsule.&nbsp;&nbsp;Maybe it&nbsp;can be your shadow style or whatever you want to call it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633452 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:23:18 +0000 Bonnie 1633452@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I appreciated all of the comments I got on my Lagenlook attempt and was not offended at all. In fact, I agreed with most of them. DH likes this look on me and I thought I'd work on a small capsule to wear - maybe to art museums and lunch where you sometimes see women dressed in this style. DH liked the dress and I'm trying to make it work and have a bit of fun at the same time by trying out something new. I think this dress can work and was trying to get input from people about what I could try. Don't worry, I'm going to be using Angie, alaskagirl, Aida, Miss Mary, and so many of you as my gurus most of the time. This is just an aberration. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633443 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:16:01 +0000 catgirl 1633443@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>And re: vanity - it's there for all of us.&nbsp; I admit to a certain vanity in embracing the differences between my looks and others at times.&nbsp; I'm never going to fit in completely where I live in terms of looks anyway&nbsp;- not a lot of Indian women running around the Arctic - so might as well enjoy being out there. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633441 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:13:48 +0000 Jenn 1633441@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think Lagenlook, in particular falls squarely under "having fun with fashion." It's such a unique look, and instantly recognizable if you've ever seen it before. I mean, as Angie so often says, <i>why not?</i> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633439 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:09:48 +0000 Angie 1633439@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet, I REALLY like what you wrote. As I said further up in the comments:</p> <p><i>I think we are all well aware of our right to dress in unconventionally flattering ways - but that doesn't mean we have to in order to have style or look "fashionably hip".&nbsp;<br /></i><br />Lisa, good job bowing out right now! That's good self awareness.&nbsp;</p> <p>Sarah, I'm glad you're okay. Una's preference is to wear unstructured outfits. My (and Janet's) preference is to add a little or a lot of structure. The one is not better than the other - but each person is sporting a style that makes them feel fabulous. So the motive is the same.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633438 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 02:09:10 +0000 catgirl 1633438@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet, I totally agree with you! There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking figure flattery and I think you're quite in the majority there.&nbsp; I'm not about deliberately looking my worst either - is anyone?&nbsp;&nbsp; But what that means can be relative or in my case, relatives&nbsp;(bad pun foreshadowing here).&nbsp; I remember my mom telling me my purplish brown lipstick made me look like I had black lung disease!&nbsp; We are all entitled to dress how we want.&nbsp; </p> <p>My struggle is with being told how I should dress by others based on nothing but arbitrary societal rules.&nbsp; Like "big girls shouldn't wear white" or "petite girls should always wear heels" or "Why don't you dress more girly?"&nbsp; And people are much less likely to make such comments if you are within the norm, right? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633426 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:58:27 +0000 Sal 1633426@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it is worthwhile to consider our motives for dressing in a certain way (to show wealth, to show off our shape, to show that we don't care, to show we "get" fashion). &nbsp;Often it is a mix of several of these things, or we have different motives for different days along with the practicalities of dressing for a dresscode or climate or comfort.</p> <p>We all have an interest in fashion/style/dress to some extent or another or we would not be on the forum. &nbsp;While dressing to show off your shape might seem conventional or even vain at worst, I don't see it as many steps different from dressing to show that you <b><i></i></b>are <b><i></i></b>fashionable, or that you are an individual. &nbsp;In all cases you are cultivating an image that you present to the outside world.</p> <p>Una, I love the way you dress, I see it as flattering. &nbsp;You choose colours that suit you, you have stylish hair, and you wear trousers and footwear that makes your legs look shapely. &nbsp; You combine this with an edginess that makes your style you own. &nbsp;It works brilliantly for you.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633417 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:49:15 +0000 Anonymous 1633417@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>. &nbsp;Sorry, I had written something but absolutely am bowing out now. &nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633416 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:48:59 +0000 Meow 1633416@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>alaskgirl, I'm not sure I can really articulate my relationship of fashion and body con dressing.&nbsp; I'm an Engineer (we're not known for our verbal skills).&nbsp; Dressing to please men and look "sexy" as all the magazines seem to shove down our throats is offensive to me.&nbsp; But wearing something completely unstructured feels like a women is ashamed of who she is&nbsp; - oh geez - we're getting into the hijab burka territory.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633408 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:38:57 +0000 Janet 1633408@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>EDITED Sorry, somehow I had completely inadvertently blocked Bonnie, so I was not seeing her posts! I've had that happen once before, it's dangerous on my phone sometimes. </p> <p>I am interested in JFE looks but I really can't bring myself to embrace flat-out "unflattering." I will admit, I'm vain. For me "unflattering" = styles that make me look larger, especially below the waist since that area is already big enough, thank you very much. When I see a style that emphasizes the hips of a size 0 model, you can bet that I will steer clear. But what is totally unflattering on one person is perfectly JFE or even better on another.</p> <p>Is it so wrong to want to look proportionate and not appear bigger than one actually is? I don't see how my choice to embrace a certain level of flattery undermines my personal power -- quite the contrary. If I feel like I look good, I feel good and carry myself with more confidence! I choose my style not out of a desire to fulfil some sort of social obligation but for my personal emotional and physical comfort. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633405 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:33:54 +0000 catgirl 1633405@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sarah, so glad you chimed in!&nbsp;&nbsp;It's hard to know how things will come across online, isn't it?&nbsp; And I didn't find your comment offensive, but it was thought provoking to me as someone who gets similar comments.&nbsp; Would love to hear your strong opinions.&nbsp; I am also in a very traditionally male-dominated area of law AND a very public one, so I am truly curious. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633401 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:30:40 +0000 Meow 1633401@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I was afraid I might have offended some.&nbsp; That wasn't my intention - especially to Bonnie!&nbsp; I really was trying to give my opinion and my honest feedback.&nbsp; IRL, my friends laugh hysterically at my flippant comments - nobody takes me seriously -really.&nbsp; I don't intend to be taken seriously.&nbsp; Of course, me laughing while I say something outrageous doesn't come across on a forum.&nbsp;&nbsp; If you want to know the truth - I was just reading Lucky's guide to style by Andrea Linett (which I need to throw away because it's so old).&nbsp; But throughout the book she tells you how to style something and then says...."One false move"....one false move and you're Annie Oakley which of course made me laugh and think of Cinderella.&nbsp; <br />That said, this is a forum that we ask fashion questions and get feedback.&nbsp; Are we only allowed to say something if it's good?&nbsp; Or sugar coat it so much that the other person isn't able to take their style to the next level?&nbsp; As far as body con and showing our bodies - well, that's deep sole searching question.&nbsp; I feel I paid my dues in a very male dominated field so I have strong opinions on that subject - BUT, I am a product of my generation so some style rules are die hard.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633395 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:06:33 +0000 catgirl 1633395@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rachy, very true - poor Southern belle mom stuck with little proto-feminists reading bell hooks! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633393 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:05:16 +0000 rachylou 1633393@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So I'm back to say... audience matters a lot. I don't personally have anywhere to go in a pretty flattering dress... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633391 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:04:14 +0000 catgirl 1633391@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Angie, could you PM me about the prior situation and what you'd consider the etiquette of commenting on a comment? I know I feel I need to be prepared to stand behind anything I post and explain it further if needed. No one likes being accused, of course. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633390 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:02:03 +0000 unfrumped 1633390@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So perhaps the focus is on the question, or quest, as to " how to make an item, or a look, " work". For this look I did not reference either flattery or frumpiness. Plus, flattery is not exclusively female figure flattery. But neither did I really strive enough to understand WHAT would make it work for an individual.<br /> Is it that there is " a " look being copied?<br /> Or a vibe or reaction, or to suggest a characteristic? ( as in style monikers or personal descriptors?<br /> Which causes me to ponder, what am I going for in certain outfits myself?<br /> This can all bring on a headache! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633387 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:01:21 +0000 Angie 1633387@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, Una. I know that was not your intention. I appreciate you being proactive right away.&nbsp;</p> <p>I think we are all well aware of our right to dress in unconventionally flattering ways - but that doesn't mean we have to in order to have style or look "fashionably hip". There is a resurgence to wearing conventionally flattering proportions in modern fashion - (thank you Anna Wintour) - which is looking fresh and new to my eye, actually.&nbsp; </p> <p></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633375 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 00:46:42 +0000 rachylou 1633375@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lol. Gaylene, where are you?</p> <p>I'm distinctly not a southern belle. The cute little figure thing is antithetical to how I was raised. And I've gone along with it, for the most part. Someone at work laughed at me saying it was probably a good thing that I noticed so little about people's physiques. I think maybe we were talking about different communities, and how a lot hide their handicapped people. Anyways, the odd thing about my upbringing was how everyone was invited to celebrate the body beautiful. I mean, it was a little go naked or wear a sack...or maybe, clothes were just not seen as the way to celebrate the body...</p> <p>ETA: whoops! Are we going on? Btw, I do love the southern belle way...just have no claim on it... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633370 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 00:45:18 +0000 catgirl 1633370@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can delete it, Angie. I am sorry to hear that happened as it is certainly not my intent! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/lagenlook-flattery-and-social-obligations-as-women#post-1633367 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 00:43:37 +0000 JAileen 1633367@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your point is very interesting. It reminds of the article I read about someone (Joe Scarborough maybe?) telling Hillary Clinton to smile. Men never get told that. It's the same thing - am I only here to make you (some random guy) feel better? Anyway, I used to get that a lot. I'm waiting for that to happen again so I can them what they can do with themselves! </p>