https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 07:28:26 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years/page/2#post-1613880 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 03:24:27 +0000 broadearthqueen 1613880@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm glad she apologized. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years/page/2#post-1613874 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 03:09:05 +0000 anne 1613874@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Toni - I'm so pleased to hear that this ended up so well with your daughter!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years/page/2#post-1613824 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 01:20:13 +0000 rachylou 1613824@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well done Kids are funny. I'll never forget when dd was 8 and telling me about HER generation's music (rap). And I was like, that's my generation selling you that stuff. Lol. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years/page/2#post-1613764 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 21:56:28 +0000 April 1613764@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A happy ending, Toni -- great news.</p> <p>And even though I said earlier that I sometimes have to tell him to mind his business, I do send my son pictures of any sneakers I'm thinking of buying for his opinion, because somehow the kids have a whole grammar attached to the kind of sneakers people wear, and on my own I am completely deaf to it. &nbsp;</p> <p>I can show him two pairs of sneakers that to me look identical, and he'll say something like, "Mom, Pair A is only for middle-schoolers, and Pair B is only for drug dealers." &nbsp;Seriously. &nbsp;Identical shoes. &nbsp;</p> <p>I take his word because what's the alternative? &nbsp;I don't speak sneaker. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years/page/2#post-1613734 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 21:08:47 +0000 Anonymous 1613734@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good for shopping by yourself! And it's good to know that your DD apologized. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years/page/2#post-1613702 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 19:55:58 +0000 gradfashionista 1613702@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That was very sweet of her to apologize.</p> <p>I wonder if the issue is less about clothing than about you appearing to break out of a "Mom" box that she has of you: heavier weight, "older" dressing. I've have seen adult children become uneasy when their mothers adopt changes that--how to put this--make them appear as sexual beings, or enhance their sexuality. Dropping excess weight, feeling better in your skin, and wear clothes that reflect this confidence make you more attractive. When your kids aren't used to seeing you as anything other than "Mom," it can be disconcerting. But that's just my pop psych guess.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years/page/2#post-1613585 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 15:17:30 +0000 Anonymous 1613585@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Toni! That is so sweet of your daughter to call you up like that.&nbsp;<br />And so great that you were able to find a few things that you really like.<br />And also great that you found a helpful sales clerk (Isn't that the best? It just makes shopping so much fun and easier.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years/page/2#post-1613573 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 14:47:50 +0000 Toni 1613573@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you all for your kindness. I'm really going to enjoy this site.</p> <p>Well, I went shopping by myself yesterday and bought 3 new outfits. The sales clerk was awesome ( early to mid 20's). And i also bought my first pair of destressed boyfriend jeans, who knew they were so comfortable? After I got home I sent pictures to my daughter. I also told her that her comment hurt my feeling.<br /> This is a first ever.... I got a call from her within seconds with her apologizing to me before I could even say hello. ( im sorry to say we have always had a somewhat rocky relationship). Then told me she really liked what I bought ( thank you sales clerk at Maurices). Then she informed me she had also had bought one of the same blouses I bought.<br /> I think shopping by myself was the best thing I could have ever done and will be doing it more often when shopping for me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years/page/2#post-1613538 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 13:33:22 +0000 Anonymous 1613538@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome, Toni, you've found the right place to be. Where else can you get professional advice from a talented stylist like Angie together with feedback from those of us in our 50s and 60s in the same thread as wisdom from students like ALeigh?</p> <p>Wear what makes you feel good. I see plenty of women my age (mid 50s like you) in distressed jeans. As others said, it's all about what you pair it with. </p> <p>Maybe tell your daughter you want a shopping trip just for you. Ask her to act like your stylist and sit back and see what she chooses. It's a great way to get a read on how she perceives you. Then, if there's anything she picks that you like, buy it. If she picks out things you don't like, explain why. If it's too dowdy, let her know you don't want to feel that way. </p> <p>I'm grateful that I have extremely stylish young MEN in my life who love to shop and are the best fashion advisors. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613531 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 13:06:21 +0000 Zoe 1613531@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Transitions can be hard for all of us. Sometimes when our kids are trying to sort out who they are in the world, they find comfort in defining us instead. I know I did this to my mom (ugh. I feel sick just thinking about it.) and my young teen does it to me sometimes, too. </p> <p>In the end, it comes down to who you are when you are your best self. What does that look like to you? What does it feel like? Can you recognize that part of you in other people you admire?</p> <p>Pintrest has been great for me in this way. (See my response on the How do you use Pintrest thread). I also find focus in identifing one or two women whose style ven diagrams with mine and studying what they wear and how they wear it. </p> <p>Wear what you love.<br /> Wear clothes that make you feel like your best self.<br /> That's it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613333 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 23:27:42 +0000 April 1613333@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Toni, another over-50 here. &nbsp;What your daughter might be fearful of is that phenomenon that is hatefully described as "mutton dressed as lamb." &nbsp;Ugh. &nbsp;Just typing that makes me shudder -- women are not cuts of meat -- but I get the sentiment behind it. &nbsp;No one in our age bracket wants to look as if we don't realize we're no longer teenagers. &nbsp;</p> <p>I think the trick to wearing a trend like distressed jeans and not falling into the "too young for you" trap is to keep it looking grown-up. &nbsp;A few ways to achieve this: only ONE youthful trend at a time in any given outift (so if it's distressed jeans, don't combine them with tees in the Urban Outfitters style, or with teenager sneakers); add something the kids would not add, such as a "lady bag" satchel (take a look at Ms. Mary's outfit posts for how to do this masterfully) or elegant shoes; keep fit as a top priority (nothing overly tight, or overly low-rise.) &nbsp;Even if it's a "kid" style, try not to buy it in the junior's department.</p> <p>If you do a trend with those things in mine, your daughter should relax and realize you know what you're doing. &nbsp;And if she still doesn't, find a more sympathetic friend to shop with and ask your daughter to mind her business. &nbsp;(I don't have a daughter myself, but I sometimes have to do this with my critical teenaged son.)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613324 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 23:08:08 +0000 DonnaF 1613324@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome, and congratulations for keeping off your weight for a decade!!!&nbsp; What an accomplishment!</p> <p>I came to YLF about four years ago when my daughter was a senior in high school to find my style, knowing she would be leaving for college soon so I could dress for ME without having to worry that I would embarrass HER.</p> <p>With youngish (teen to 20-something) daughters, I totally get that they don't want us to compete with them.&nbsp; And I don't want to wear too low cut, too short, or too tight.&nbsp; And really, I don't want her to wear that stuff either, even for clubbing, but I recognize that what she wears is no longer within my control.&nbsp; But distressed jeans are none of that, and if you like them and they look good on you, go for it!&nbsp; I, personally, haven't been able to pull the trigger on that look because I'm so cheap that I don't want to pay extra for distressing that will eventually come naturally.</p> <p>So after all these years on YLF, my 22 year old daughter wants some of her 62 year old mom's clothes, like my burgundy leather jacket.&nbsp; Thank goodness I'm slightly smaller so it won't go disappearing on me!&nbsp; She's also adjusted (more or less) to my more magpie items like my silver clogs, silver belt, and silver moto jacket.&nbsp; Give it time, and I'm sure your daughter will adjust, too.</p> <p>Meanwhile. . . have fun with fashion!!!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613272 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 21:36:21 +0000 Lyn D. 1613272@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome!<br />I agree it can be difficult to shop with a younger generation in tow.<br />I shop for myself by myself, and shop with my daughters for them only.<br />Finding a store with clothes you like and shop assistants of a similar age can be helpful too </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613270 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 21:27:58 +0000 Anonymous 1613270@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Toni I have two grown daughters . <br />Just like with other topics, I often don't completely understand what they're talking about when they're describing or critiquing certain subtleties of current fashion and beauty. &nbsp;I'm often slightly relieved that I got to be in my twenties when I did, rather than now, but I respect that their connection to this new era is different than mine.<br />Conversely, there are times when they're not convinced I'm making the best choices either but I take more actual direction from women, most often my age, that I think look great and that I imagine are getting the type of responses from society that I want in my own life.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613236 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 19:32:41 +0000 ALeigh 1613236@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Here's some blogs that may help - these were just the ones I remembered, there's hundered! That way if you get told nobody your ages wears that you can prove that wrong quick fast!!!</p> <p><a href="http://notdeadyetstyle.com/" rel="nofollow">http://notdeadyetstyle.com/</a> - older style but ask has some cool reader made ideas and pics.</p> <p><a href="http://chicatanyage.com/re-styling-black-biker-jacket/" rel="nofollow">http://chicatanyage.com/re-sty.....er-jacket/</a> - 're-styles trendy items (honestly she's awesome whatever your age is!!!)</p> <p><a href="http://gracefully50.com" rel="nofollow">http://gracefully50.com</a> - wears boyfriend jeans, amount other "young" style things, in ways more flattering for herself.</p> <p><a href="http://spashionista.com" rel="nofollow">http://spashionista.com</a> -has cerebral paulsy but looks good with pink hair and well etc </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613233 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 19:25:16 +0000 BlondeAmbition 1613233@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a perfect teachable moment! I think it's important to teach daughters how to be accepting and not overly critical of other women even if it is their mother. It's up to us to show them that it's ok to experiment with our looks and it will all be fine. For the record there is nothing wrong with wearing distressed jeans at any age! Try to be upbeat and positive and when she says "you look like you're trying to hard" say "I'd rather try too hard than not hard enough" with a smile. Or "next time I think I'll go shopping with someone more positive and cheerful". And to tell the truth, you should really try going shopping with someone who's style you love. Thankfully I have a girlfriend who is a fashion knock out and I respect her opinion more than I would a teenagers. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613224 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 19:16:36 +0000 ALeigh 1613224@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am a teenager. And I have to say wishlist my own mother would get her head in the space where she appreciates fashion rather than spends hours shopping criticising all of my favorite pieces. She basically lives in sparkly slogan tunics and straightleg 3/4 crop pants. With hair straight out of the 80s in a very, very bad way. We keep trying to tell her she's in her 40s, its 2016, time for a new wardrobe?!?! So if your daughter complains too much just remind her of what you COULD be wearing!!!</p> <p>But honestly it's how you wear it not what you wear. My Great Aunt is in her 80s and wears ripped jeans with platforms and oversized sweaters and totally pulls it off, because it suits her, and she wears it like it belongs on her. </p> <p>Dress for your body, not your age. I'm curvy, developed early so have shopped in the adult section since I was 10. My cousin is 25 and still buys in the kids section. Short people problems.</p> <p>If you're not sure, there's so many great fashion blogs for, so don't be scared to check those out and say, here, if so-and-so can WHY not me??? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613215 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 18:56:13 +0000 Jenava 1613215@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ah, my first thought is, "Stop listening to what your daughter says and just wear what you want!"&nbsp; You've got to show her that you can still love what you look like and wear what you love at any age...it's a lesson she will remember when she's getting a bit older!! </p> <p>Having had my first baby a little over a year ago as well as shifting to working in a more casual environment, I am still discombobulated about my style; but I'm working on getting back to feeling fab.&nbsp; It does take some thoughtfulness - about what I want to look like and what I think looks good on me.&nbsp; It's all worthwhile in the end, though, because I don't want to waste time feeling bad about myself; life is too short!</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613208 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 18:31:27 +0000 Kim 1613208@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Our kids often have ideas about how "older" people should dress, and it ain't pretty!! LOL&nbsp; </p> <p>Seriously! Show your daughter that her hangup is not your hangup, and you aren't going to let it be.&nbsp; Dress for exactly who YOU are.&nbsp; It's actually a good lesson for her about knowing yourself, and being happy with yourself.</p> <p>Go ahead.&nbsp;Buy the jeans.&nbsp; I dare you! LOL</p> <p>(54 year old, running a childcare at home and wearing waxed jeans as I type this!)</p> <p>The only downside is that you might find (as I have) your clothes make your way mysteriously to your daughters closet! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613205 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 18:24:26 +0000 Anonymous 1613205@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My daughter is my worst critic. I pretend I'm deaf.</p> <p>ETA: I should say that my daughter (she's 11) *always notices* when I'm wearing something different, and comments on it, often in an unsure way. But since I've been on YLF, my daughter is much more open to my buying new clothes. She kind of takes an interest in my forays into fashion, and is not so suspicious.</p> <p>anyway....</p> <p>I wear distressed jeans, too!&nbsp;<br />So maybe we can be a pair of old ladies who try too hard together :-)</p> <p>Anyway, apart from your daughter's comment, it does seem like you're unhappy with your wardrobe. Hopefully you can show us a little of why you're unhappy with it. There is lots of help here.</p> <p>I am unfortunately, a bit obtuse about what is age-appropriate and generally ignore/don't fully understand all that stuff! The only guideline I have is not to do too tight all over.</p> <p>ETA: I just read Angie's, 'Trying too hard' article, and take a lot of comfort in it.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613194 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 18:07:39 +0000 rachylou 1613194@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome, Toni! I like what everyone else has said. Also, I'm a person who has to work to remember her own style, lol. I just see all the cool things out there and get distracted. It's one of the reasons I came to YLF. It's been so helpful and a process - and so much fun. My favorite first thing I did, coming to YLF, was to assess how I really spent my time and what my clothes needed to do and say about me. I'm an artisan baker among other things. So no suits at the bakery. But I'm also den mother there, so I have to be the anchor for my work children, lol. A certain amount of sobriety is needed. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613187 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 17:52:16 +0000 RoseandJoan 1613187@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome to the forum, I'm curious to know what your daughter meant by calling your wardrobe weird? Did you ask her to expand? I wonder if her answer could be helpful, such as there are so many patterns but no basics to pull your wardrobe together?</p> <p>I also agree with Diane, I believe very few things are off limits as we age if styled with care.</p> <p>As a final note I would like to say be kind to yourself and enjoy the process. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613173 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 17:19:38 +0000 unfrumped 1613173@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ditto, echo, stay the course, don't despair!<br />I also recommend taking time for some try-on sessions at home by yourself or with a really good kind friend if you&nbsp; have&nbsp; kindred spirit. If not then by yourself is great. Put together 2-3 outfits (or even just 1 !) that looks good to you, feels right for you--maybe including some ideas you have gotten from the blog or WIW's here. Test drive them to the grocery or other errands. Adjust, repeat. See what works in your existing closet, and identify wardrobe holes--maybe you need the distressed jeans but already have jacket and shoes. Maybe you have some more classic jeans but want to add updated sweater.</p> <p>I've re-read Angie's Trying too Hard blog post and it's still great.<br />It makes me think not only of my own forays, which sometimes may look a bit "off", or I feel self-conscious; sometimes it's because the&nbsp;item or look&nbsp;is "not me" and never will be, but sometimes I just need to have a do-over with changing some of the other elements to make something work for me and will find a fab new look.</p> <p>But, this&nbsp;also renews my empathy and appreciation&nbsp;for others I see out and about. Maybe they're "trying too hard" or <u>maybe</u> they're experimenting with rolling their jeans for the first time and added whatever other items to the outfit and are getting their bearings, maybe will tweak it here or there, &nbsp;and are wise enough to realize, <u>it's only clothes</u>, for heaven's sake, not World Peace! I don't mean&nbsp;that dressing is&nbsp; not of any importance,but&nbsp; I love Angie's reminder that how can there be any fun or innovation without some discomfort or even belly-flops along the way? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613172 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 17:12:15 +0000 shaz 1613172@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome to the forum. I think it's a thing with children my own included that mothers sit at home knitting while wearing comfortable waistbands. There are so many lovely well dressed ladies of all age groups on here that are also very helpful. Enjoy your time here </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613170 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 17:03:45 +0000 TraceyLiz65 1613170@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love my daughter immensely and she us not as outspoken, but gets a look.. When we go shopping I make it all about her as she is in her mid 20s and finding her way. I steer clear of shopping with her. I am grateful to have 3 sons, a complimentary husband to balance out and allow me to ignore that in my daughter. I have found a style that I love these past 3 years and walk with such confidence that now she looks to me for input. I highly recommend finding a stylish friend to go shopping with to gain confidence before going with your daughter. It's a transitional time of life and can be lots of fun. I think you should go try those distressed jeans as I suspect you will love them! Best of luck in this journey! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613168 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 16:57:14 +0000 broadearthqueen 1613168@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>And wear what makes -you- happy. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613167 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 16:56:55 +0000 Anonymous 1613167@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Welcome. I'm yet another 50-something here on the YLF forum. I have never worn distressed jeans, and neither have any of my 4 daughters, but I did learn a thing or 2 from them (without them knowing) about more creative color combinations. I've seen plenty of women my age wearing distressed jeans, so it's just a matter of personal taste. At any rate, there are plenty of people here who are willing to help you. Again, welcome! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613166 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 16:56:16 +0000 Author Linda 1613166@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi! I'm 60+ and while my style is different than it would be if I were younger -- yes, sometimes I look at something and think how cute it is only to say to myself, "Um, no." If I were younger I would wear those short little dresses and "cute" shoes more than I do. That's a fact. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure most daughters don't want their mothers wearing the same clothes they do. It's a generational thing more than an age-appropriate thing. </p> <p>I don't have daughters but do have a stylish young niece and a daughter-in-law. They both have said they wished their moms were "stylish like you" so I guess I'm doing okay. I bond with them over handbags and shoes and what's "in" this season. We have fun. But I bet dollars to donuts if I did have a daughter, she would despair of my style. </p> <p>Just be confident and enjoy what you're wearing. That's the real barometer. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613163 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 16:52:59 +0000 Angie 1613163@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sounds like you have lots of words of wisdom to ponder here, Toni. Welcome, and may I suggest that you read this post:&nbsp;</p> <p><a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/2012/04/30/trying-too-hard/">http://youlookfab.com/2012/04/30/trying-too-hard/</a></p> <p>There is PLENTY of fashion for you to enjoy at your age and beyond. My most stylish clients are in their 50s, 60s and 70s. There are also many, many stylish women on this forum who post pics of what they wear and are your age and older.&nbsp;</p> <p>Have fun rediscovering your style.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ive-lost-my-sense-of-style-over-the-years#post-1613162 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 16:52:06 +0000 broadearthqueen 1613162@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've seen women over 40 in distressed jeans who looked great! Just wear a cute, fitted top and minimal, simple accessories. </p>