YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 19 Apr 2026 04:32:38 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Stagiaire Fash on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover/page/2#post-2193220 Fri, 07 May 2021 06:55:12 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2193220@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenn, I see you’ve added an observation about the multiple links. I didn’t catch that the first time either. I generally try to avoid being cynical when someone says they need help. Kindness doesn’t cost me anything, even if she gets backtrack “points.” In this case, the series of links makes it clear. But if it was just one link from ages ago, then I wouldn’t be sure. In that case I’d rather err on the side of throwing some extra kindness out. Clearly, not everyone agrees. Anonymous on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover/page/2#post-2193190 Fri, 07 May 2021 04:05:30 +0000 Anonymous 2193190@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I’m surprised that anyone needs an explanation for how / why this is suspect. Thank you to Jenn for her response . Jenn on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover/page/2#post-2193094 Thu, 06 May 2021 22:38:06 +0000 Jenn 2193094@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ . Anonymous on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2193006 Thu, 06 May 2021 19:11:34 +0000 Anonymous 2193006@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Fashintern it seems like a natural venue to me too. Even after reading Jenn's response I'm thinking that the older post could be one of the results from a search on a topic and the searcher didn't check the date. Thank you all for answering and a quick search of the term SEO was pretty enlightening! Sloper on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192999 Thu, 06 May 2021 19:01:01 +0000 Sloper 2192999@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think that, many times, the person was googling around with just this same question, and up popped YLF.  As a matter of fact, that's how I found YLF. Sometimes of course, it does look like they are looking for clicks, i.e. when they include a link to a manufacturer or their own blog, etc. Stagiaire Fash on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192939 Thu, 06 May 2021 16:14:01 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2192939@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenn, when I see those, I flag them as spam. But what do you think MLiz is trying to sell with a 9 year old blog post? The original post from a decade ago feels much more fake to me than this recent comment on it. Besides, when I started here I dug through the archive & tried to start a couple conversations about various things myself. Echo on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192938 Thu, 06 May 2021 16:05:46 +0000 Echo 2192938@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Agreed. It is extraordinarily rare for someone to dig up a decade old thread and actually need help with anything. They're phishing. Jenn on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192935 Thu, 06 May 2021 15:52:47 +0000 Jenn 2192935@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ The skepticism is because it’s a common SEO tactic to find posts on various forums that are tangentially related to something you’re promoting and respond with a link. The search engine algorithms see that as social proof of your content and increase your visibility. That doesn’t mean mammylizard (hi there!) isn’t a perfectly nice person trying her best to grow a blog or business, but long experience says there’s reason to be cynical. ETA: Another tipoff is that it's not just a single link to a blog post, it's a list of about twenty links to the post, each using slightly different keyword tags and search parameters.  That's an SEO tactic not really used in natural language. Stagiaire Fash on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192932 Thu, 06 May 2021 15:39:29 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2192932@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Phoebe, I think it’s just the general resistence on the site to background/history, same as the desire to have people post multiple threads when something takes several turns, instead of keeping it all in one place so people coming into the conversation can trace what’s coming from where. I liken it to not wanting to know the history of a fashion piece, like how Bobbie socks have a rebellious root. When someone enters the forum like this, I think it’s the best way. We immediately know something about them and what they want to talk about. It’s far more informative and interesting than knowing they live in Tacoma and like paisley, Ralph Lauren, and Zendeya, but can’t stand itchy seams. In this case, she’s made it clear that she’s upset about something. Anonymous on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192930 Thu, 06 May 2021 15:34:57 +0000 Anonymous 2192930@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It doesn't bother me when people choose old links as an intro, especially since it's not unusual but I feel like there's a shaded significance to it recognized by some if not myself. Could someone please elaborate on this? Why the resistance? Anonymous on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192918 Thu, 06 May 2021 14:59:31 +0000 Anonymous 2192918@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Synne - lol.  Exactly.   Anonymous on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192854 Thu, 06 May 2021 11:53:43 +0000 Anonymous 2192854@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I can imagine how hurtful was and how the implications are even deeper than the unrequested makeover, especially because it wasn't asked for. Mammylizard, this is a "keep it with them" situation for sure, your coworker might have been motivated by the desire to experience a feeling of superiority, etc. I've only seen gentle support for fashion choices here and opinions almost entirely limited to specific items unless the poster asks for general feedback.  Synne on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192838 Thu, 06 May 2021 10:10:29 +0000 Synne 2192838@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ These old threads are always ressurected by brand new members, often with links in tow. What's up fellow new fabber? Stagiaire Fash on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192836 Thu, 06 May 2021 10:06:36 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2192836@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Lyn67, yes, an old thread resurrected by someone who apparently needs support now. This isn’t a unique, 1-time only issue; people making decisions about how others (should) look is unfortunately as old as the idea of fashion itself. lyn67 on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192835 Thu, 06 May 2021 10:02:06 +0000 lyn67 2192835@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hah, a 10 yrs old thread!:-) Stagiaire Fash on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192826 Thu, 06 May 2021 07:29:20 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2192826@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Mammylizard, if I understand correctly, the story about the tomboy is from elsewhere and the one about the co-worker is an experience you just had. I am sorry that happened to you. It’s awful. In this thread, I see several people explaining how inappropriate it is to for other people to make assumptions like that. I agree. However much of little attention you want to pay to getting dressed, I hope you wear things that let you focus on what’s important to you and enjoy your life. Mammylizard on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192818 Thu, 06 May 2021 05:49:31 +0000 Mammylizard 2192818@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Here is a very good article I read and I agree. I would like to share it for purposes of those who think it is OK to tell others they need a makeover... I don’t need a makeover (and neither do you ) <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/2012/10/29/i-dont-need-a-makeover-and-neither-do-you/">OCTOBER 29, 2012</a> <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/author/tigerlilytoph/">TOPH BEIFONG</a><a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/athletic/">ATHLETIC</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/athletic-girl/">ATHLETIC GIRL</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/beauty/">BEAUTY</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/clothes/">CLOTHES</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/confidence/">CONFIDENCE</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/fashion/">FASHION</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/fashion-sense/">FASHION SENSE</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/hair/">HAIR</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/happy/">HAPPY</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/i-dont-need-a-makeover/">I DON'T NEED A MAKEOVER</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/i-love-being-a-tomboy/">I LOVE BEING A TOMBOY</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/im-beautiful/">I'M BEAUTIFUL</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/makeover/">MAKEOVER</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/makeup/">MAKEUP</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/stop-telling-me-i-need-a-makeover/">STOP TELLING ME I NEED A MAKEOVER</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/style/">STYLE</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/tomboy/">TOMBOY</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/tag/tomboys/">TOMBOYS</a><a rel="nofollow" href="https://tigerlilytoph.com/2012/10/29/i-dont-need-a-makeover-and-neither-do-you/#comments">2 COMMENTS</a><div> Picture, if you will, a confident, happy, athletic young girl.  One of her friends says she needs a makeover.  The others girls nearby start to chatter about what they would do to fix her hair, face and clothing.  Picture this confident, happy, athletic girl, listening to all the little ways her friends find her inadequate, not feminine enough, and generally lacking.  Watch while she tightens her ponytail and brushes her hair out of her face self-consciously.  Suddenly, playing football with the boys every morning before class is embarrassing.  Winning arm wrestling contests is no longer allowed to be a source of pride.  Watch her face fall while her friends tell her with great enthusiasm that her priorities are all wrong, that her appearance is a problem, that her favorite activities are something “tomboys” do (read: not ok).  Her best friend looks her up and down, and says, “Yeah, we could do a lot for your makeover.” I struggled to find a group of friends who did not do this to me on a more or less annual basis.  I’m 28 now, and I’ve finally built good friendships with people who know me well enough to see that I have my own fashion sense, my own concept of beauty, and my own set of standards for what I find admirable and feminine.  I thought I was past all that childish B.S.  Silly me. One of my coworkers made an off-handed comment today: “I should give you a make-over.”  It took all my strength not to throw my purse at her fat face. First: What the "BLEEP" goes through people’s heads just before they say “You need a makeover”?  Do they really think their opinion about someone else’s appearance would override that person’s own opinion? Second: What do they think people’s reactions will be?  “Thank GOD you brought it up.  I’ve been sitting in my cubicle for years just WAITING for someone to FIX me!” When I told her that was insulting, she said, “No it’s not,” because she would know, being the recipient of the comment OH WAIT, NO, that was me.  I asked her what was wrong with what I was wearing, to which she (naturally) replied, “Nothing,” and then, “it’s just to enhance yourself.”  What does that even mean?  Why do I need enhancing?  What the hell was she talking about? </div> <div> </div> . Mammylizard on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-2192816 Thu, 06 May 2021 05:14:58 +0000 Mammylizard 2192816@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I say live and let live. Personally, if I had someone tell me I need a makeover...wouldn't be my friend for long. Whatever happened to not judging others? Everyone has opinions. I think opinions should be kept to ones self unless solicited.  Angie on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270331 Fri, 24 Dec 2010 03:14:48 +0000 Angie 270331@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am on Team Leave it alone. Glad you chose that Team too, Bianca Bianca on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270306 Fri, 24 Dec 2010 01:17:42 +0000 Bianca 270306@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ What you have all been saying, is how I have been feeling....hence the reason I have never brought it up. I would never, ever bring any of this up over the holidays or ever for that matter. I just wondered if you guys were ever in this predicament. I would never judge anyone for their appearance and like you stated, they may have other interests fashion not being part of them. You all confirmed what I have thought, and I will reserve bringing it up. They are lovely women and I value our friendship too much. Isabel on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270300 Fri, 24 Dec 2010 00:44:08 +0000 Isabel 270300@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Maya, that is a great point. Sometimes though people are really feeling a bit lost and just don't know how to bring it up - but I believe that one needs to follow their lead, not our own desire for them. A few years ago, a wonderful friend of mine bought a really funky jacket. She was anything but funky, think female Tim Gunn. I was shocked and so were the other two women we were with at the time. She then said that she had been really unhappy for sometime with how she looked. I couldn't believe it since we NEVER talked about clothes or style. But it is a very tricky and slippery slope, especially with in-laws. Maya on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270297 Fri, 24 Dec 2010 00:34:11 +0000 Maya 270297@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is like asking if there is a polite way to bring up someone's BO and offering them a stick of deodorant as a gift. I can't speak for anyone else, but I couldn't do it. Isabel on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270294 Fri, 24 Dec 2010 00:28:05 +0000 Isabel 270294@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I like some of elpgal's suggestions. I say that if they compliment you, it is an opening for something. You could talk about the piece and then encourage them to try something. I think that it would be appropriate if someone compliments you, for you to say that you are really happy with the piece and then ask what their favorite "piece" from their wardrobe. If they say they have nothing or very little, what a wonderful opening to talk about how life is too short not to surround yourself with beautifuI, useful and loved things. I think suggesting a total makeover can be insulting and overwhelming. Start small. Good Luck ! Jenava on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270280 Fri, 24 Dec 2010 00:04:04 +0000 Jenava 270280@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ No, there really isn't a polite way of telling someone they need a makeover. MsMary on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270277 Thu, 23 Dec 2010 23:55:55 +0000 MsMary 270277@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Let's try a thought experiment: Think of an area of your life that isn't a high priority for you, but is definitely of keen interest to some other people. Maybe it's finances/investing, or home decorating, or nutrition, or travel, or religion, or square dancing. Now imagine that a well-meaning in-law corners you at Christmas and says something like "Bianca, you are such a lovely woman but you would be so much lovelier if you had proper nutrition. I really wish you would let me teach you about carbs and protein and food combining and so on. It's really fun and interesting and would do you a world of good! I just feel like your poor eating habits are weighing you down!" I think it's unlikely you would be receptive to something like that, and I think it's unlikely your in-laws would be receptive to a fashion intervention. I think some things are just none of our business. LeahJanes on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270269 Thu, 23 Dec 2010 23:21:22 +0000 LeahJanes 270269@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Some people aren't interested in fashion. Just like I couldn't care less about sports or cars. If they feel like they need to change and they express that need to you, by all means - offer to help. But if they honestly don't care all that much about style then that's their prerogative. lyn* on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270267 Thu, 23 Dec 2010 23:13:28 +0000 lyn* 270267@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Giving them a book about makeovers is NOT a good idea - LOL! A really good friend of mine told me that they wanted a makeover, so I got them a makeover book for their birthday and they were SUPER insulted that I didn't like their style. I usually talk about how making a few changes in my closet made myself feel really good, and see if they chime in. If they don't, I let them be chewyspaghetti on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270266 Thu, 23 Dec 2010 23:08:08 +0000 chewyspaghetti 270266@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ No, there really isn't a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover. You could invite them shopping with you and make some suggestions to see if they are open to trying new things. Really though, that is one of those things better left unsaid. If they wanted your opinion they would ask for it. catgirl on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270243 Thu, 23 Dec 2010 22:29:40 +0000 catgirl 270243@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh man! I just had this conversation with a friend about another friend of ours. She is beautiful and has a great figure, but her clothes are so outdated. I know lots of women here who really just don't care about their clothes, and when that is the case, I don't see any point in making a big deal out of it. But this particular friend puts time, money and effort in to her wardrobe. We decided that next time she asks me to shop with her, I will just urge her to try on some jeans from this decade or a different cut of top. I think she would be really hurt if I came right out and said something direct. If she is happy with who she is, then so am I. But if she asks for advice, I will be stepping up! elpgal on "Is there a polite way to tell someone they need a makeover" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-there-a-polite-way-to-tell-someone-they-need-a-makeover#post-270242 Thu, 23 Dec 2010 22:29:15 +0000 elpgal 270242@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am not sure what the best way to start such a conversation would be. Perhaps you could indirectly broach the subject by gushing about YLF and how you have learned style tips that you never knew before. Or you could suggest items that you think will suit them and talk about those. Or maybe start with a compliment and see where the conversation goes. So much depends upon your conversational style and relationship with them.