YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us? https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 03 Apr 2026 23:52:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Ingunn on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-823068 Sat, 19 Jan 2013 07:36:50 +0000 Ingunn 823068@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree with Claire, this has been a very interesting read! I aim for a simple, paired down look, but I think it is very difficult to achieve. Reading this thread gave more insight indeed. Anonymous on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-823061 Sat, 19 Jan 2013 07:17:04 +0000 Anonymous 823061@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Such a great, almost week-old post. How did I miss this?!! Nothing brilliant to add as it's the wee hours of the morning, but lots to mull over. Thank you Gaylene. Restraint is something I'm going for, and it was interesting to see how people defined it differently. Echo on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-823036 Sat, 19 Jan 2013 04:54:14 +0000 Echo 823036@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think the way the question is posed biases the answers, as it makes it sound like restraint or minimalism is always desirable or something to aspire to. I don't think it is. As others have mentioned, just as bold colours or lots of details on an outfit would look OTT and costumey on some people, a restrained style would also look costumey on some people because it would not match their personalities at all. And fit, IMO, isn't something that can or should be compromised, regardless of one's personal style. A highly busy style or outfit never excuses poor fit in my eyes, so the idea that those who dess in a more restrained manner must have better tailored clothing is a myth to me. NOTHING looks good if it is ill-fitting. I guess what I am getting at is that differences between people are a great thing. An OTT sense of style does not automatically mean many of the things implied in this thread ("tarty" or tacky or gaudy or overly young or ill-fitting or too tight/short/exposed). Dressing well is always "hard", regardless of one's natural style because being good at anything takes practice. Restraint may be safer for many people, but to me it actually seems easier. Most importantly, there is no right or wrong answer, nor is one style automatically better than another. Suz on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-823023 Sat, 19 Jan 2013 04:17:21 +0000 Suz 823023@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree that Carole looks (beautifully) restrained. I think, then, it has something to do with harmony. Harmony in the choice of clothing and accessories, obviously, but also some harmony with the person who is wearing it. Vix on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-823013 Sat, 19 Jan 2013 03:40:36 +0000 Vix 823013@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Carole, I'm so glad you wandered over to this thread. However, naughty/too humble you for not adding photos of your own looks. As I said on your thread: "I know that Gaylene and I share a belief that restrained doesn't mean lack of color-color or prints/patterns or detail -- other forum members interpret it differently. To me #6 is stunning on you as well as "restrained" due to the silhouettes and harmony with your personal coloring." Photos of Carole doing what I would call restrained dressing, and doing it amazingly well here: <a href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-few-wiws-and-what-i-have-finally-discovered-about-myself" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....out-myself</a> Carole on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-822419 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:20:36 +0000 Carole 822419@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is such an intelligent and interesting discussion. I identify with a restrained style and after spending much time exploring my preferences I am ok with that. I think personality and in my case, body type, plays a part in preferring a style that doesn't draw too much attention. I am tall and broad and fight the feeling and insecurities of feeling "large" even though I have never been overweight. Add too many colors, accessories or statements and I feel like I'm a "hot mess" as Suz so eloquently puts it. Simple classic pieces in harmonious colors make me feel more elegant and I like that feeling! Gaylene on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-818145 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 18:55:58 +0000 Gaylene 818145@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Vix, I don't see any reason why restrained dressing has to be associated with a quiet, introverted personality. I've got several European friends and relatives that favor the restrained approach to dressing, but I'd never, in my wildest dreams, call some of them "restrained" personalities. Their exuberance and wit is evident in their choice of accessories--a bangle, a scarf, a bold lip color--but, most often, the twinkle in their eyes and the lift in their step. Vix on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-817937 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 15:44:24 +0000 Vix 817937@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Suz and Gaylene -- I'm not sure which of your comments has me more surprised, ha. A statement that you'd consider my examples *more* restrained than MaiTai? A reaction that I can pull off my sometime-goal of making restrained dressing seem natural to my unrestrained personality? My head is exploding, but I thank you both for offering new things to mull over re the topic. I added another photo in my prior post of a grey wool jersey dress worn without color accents etc...curious as whether people see it as restrained (I do). Gaylene -- I agree the fans of restrained looks may be a small contingent. The "older" or "old money" comments struck me too, as did Caro's about wanting to see something interesting lest it be a "showroom" look. If I compare restrained dressing to others on the classic continuum -- like Southern Prep, which I find a very "young" albeit expensive look no matter how aged the wearer -- I like that the look conveys some sense of luxury, control ("showroom!") , or maturity. Generally the days I feel drawn to that look are days I want to convey that...though I'm not polished re hair, nails, makeup so I don't get beyond a certain level. ;) Suz -- Yes, I often wear a column of color (or one of very low-contrast colors). The whole "vertical lines lengthen" thing aside, it feels more right to me more of the time. Also I agree with you about monochromatic looks. I force myself to wear horizontal breaks and higher contrast looks because they are more visually dynamic and sometimes I want that energy. These also tend to be looks I photograph/share because of the aforementioned quality! Gaylene on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-817739 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 07:05:09 +0000 Gaylene 817739@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Vix, you can give all of us a master class in how to make restraint interesting and sophisticated. I'm also thinking that restrained dressing doesn't seem to have as many fans on this forum as do other styles, at least judging from many of the comments that I'm reading. It's also interesting that some see it as an "older" style or a "formulaic" approach. Caro and Suz, I'm with you in thinking monotone dressing can be highly interesting, but am I the only one who finds it feels like I am in a costume when I do it? Shevia, your comment on using the concepts in particular style as tools instead of seeing the style itself as a goal is a interesting idea; I'd love to hear you elaborate on that point. Caro in Oz on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-817715 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 05:51:19 +0000 Caro in Oz 817715@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree with Suz. I don't think monochromatic is boring - it can be rich & interesting as well as sophisticated & restful. For this look to appeal to me it has to include something a little unexpected otherwise it's like a showroom look - nice furniture but who lives here? Suz on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-817664 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 04:02:19 +0000 Suz 817664@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Now this is interesting -- Vix, I would call your scarf outfits restrained or at least more restrained than Mai Tai's. Is it simply because of the dark background? I don't think so, though that has something to do with it. Hmmm. I'm interested also in your comment about horizontal lines. So do you typically aim for a column of colour? I don't think a monochromatic look is boring by definition. It can be sophisticated and beautiful and restful to the eye. Vix on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-817591 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 01:59:14 +0000 Vix 817591@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ In my link to the semi-controversial Passage des Perles post about "strict/plus strict" dressing, the blogger did mention that it's a look many N American women would find "boring." And since so many YLF members come here to learn how to incorporate trends and/or get ideas for how to mix things up, it makes sense restrained dressing is unappealing. However, I *do* wear a lot of looks with a monochromatic, tonal, or very low contrast base -- it's probably 5/7 days that happens. I've noticed a lot of YLF members enjoy wearing outfits heavy on the horizontal lines/cuts across the body, while I don't go there too often. I don't care if I'm labeled boring, but I do care if I'm unable to find inspiration. [Photo 1 is from this year, Photos 2-3 from a few winters back but I'm still wearing it though the underlayer T is dead.] Even though restrained dressing is only part of my clothing style, I agree with Gaylene's point here: >>But it's interesting that we all have such a different idea about what would qualify as "restrained" dressing. To me, restraint does not mean invisible or unexciting or monotone; after all, who would embrace a style with those synonyms. Given how many "maximalist" bloggers have oodles of money to drop on clothes and/or tons of free luxury goods handed over to them in exchange for the publicity, I can't judge MaiTai for showcasing her goods without judging them as well. What I *can* say is that I think her style is actually *more* accessible than that of many fantasy-life bloggers. I and some of the women I know who tend to wear lots of plain-jane neutrals, "classic" hair, and oft-boring footwear (by choice, really!) have either copied or used her looks as jumping-off points. Our scarves are in the $10-50 dollar range and our basics around that point too. If we don't carry it off as well as she does at least we can console ourselves with the fact it's only the money, honey that stops us. My one SAHM friend lives in a hot climate most of the year and loved the "scarf as tank top/dress neckline embellishment": <a href="http://www.maitaispicturebook.com/2011/09/collier-knot-with-90-carres.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.maitaispicturebook......arres.html</a> I've used my bargain pleated Macy's scarf to go for this "flower" look (also the very loose starting point for my vintage blue scarf + espresso cords and sweater look in Photos 2-3): <a href="http://www.maitaispicturebook.com/2009/04/how-to-for-plisse-flower-knot.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.maitaispicturebook......-knot.html</a> ETA to add a few more examples of what I consider restrained (the dress is a custom wool jersey worn with only an inexpensive vintage shell ring...the waistband is a removable tube) Jaime on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-817561 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 01:39:35 +0000 Jaime 817561@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Love this discussion (Gaylene thank you for starting it). MaiTai's style does not appeal to me, and, apropos the topic, I do not find it particularly restrained. I do think that some of these concepts turn into goals in themselves, whereas I think they are more useful as tools, with the goal being a style that suits the person getting dressed. Suz on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/3#post-817549 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 01:27:57 +0000 Suz 817549@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Formulaic is better than uniform, Caro. You're right. And Mary's right - she doesn't appear to be saving up for a couple of scarves. She has so many of them!! Wow. I guess that is where she chooses to put her wardrobe dollars as she mentioned she got her sweater for for 10 Euros. Anonymous on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817534 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 01:00:52 +0000 Anonymous 817534@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Who is MaiTai? Does anyone have a linkie? ETA: Ok, I just noticed Vix's link. I'm off to look! ETA2: I'm not sure if I'm too inspired but boy, she has her style down pat. I happen have a clear distaste for Hermes. I do see Bunny McDougal from Sex and The City ( Again, ha, can you guys tell I hate Bunny?) Gaylene on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817530 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:56:53 +0000 Gaylene 817530@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, I think I could live with an inexhaustible supply of Hermes scarves and bags, MaryK. I think I'd even change my UWQ style goal to Classic Princess if that happened. I'd definitely need a bit of surgery and an increased clothing budget, though. MsMary on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817525 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:51:40 +0000 MsMary 817525@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I note that MaiTai doesn't seem to be doing much saving up. She seems to have an inexhaustible supply of Hermes scarves and bags, which honestly I don't find all that interesting. As you say, she's got a particular combination of physical attributes, lifestyle, and budget that lets her live her life in a Grace Kelly Halloween costume and look great doing it. It still makes me twitch and yawn in equal parts. Gaylene on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817520 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:47:25 +0000 Gaylene 817520@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think MaiTai's look would fall under PdP's "strict" look. To me, it is a beautiful style, but not one that is easy to imitate--inspire, maybe, but not imitate--unless you had her physical attributes, budget, and confidence. But it's interesting that we all have such a different idea about what would qualify as "restrained" dressing. To me, restraint does not mean invisible or unexciting or monotone; after all, who would embrace a style with those synonyms. Personally, I think it is a style that most North Americans have a hard time warming up to because it is so different from what we see all around us. Saving up to spend hundreds of dollars on a single scarf is not something that would interest the average North American consumer. ETA: Can I be presumptuous enough to lump Australia/NZ in my "North American" comment, Caro? Caro in Oz on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817515 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:44:07 +0000 Caro in Oz 817515@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just chiming back in. I think MT is beautiful & would probably look that way dressed in a sack but I don't find her look interesting or restrained. It's too formulaic & too concerned with "classic" pieces. If we saw an older woman in these clothes I'm not sure how many people would think they were so great. They would be telling her to inject a little modernity maybe? Suz on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817507 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:28:40 +0000 Suz 817507@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I hear you, Mary. To me, hers is an "old money" look -- or an attempt to look AS IF she is/has old money. I love some of the individual pieces, but there does not seem to be a whole lot of creativity in putting them together. (Looks like Vivienne files). She is a beautiful woman, and looks terrific in what she wears, and I respect and appreciate that she has made these gorgeous scarves her signature. And her style does seem to fit her. Although I agree that in some cases the outfits seem older than she is, on another level they work -- at any rate, they seem consistent with her face shape, her body type, her hair. It is a sort of contemporary Grace Kelly look. But I agree, it doesn't feel restrained to me, even though she has a few core pieces that she uses again and again and they are mostly neutral. It is SIMPLE and something of a uniform -- but not restrained, to me. MsMary on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817503 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:20:17 +0000 MsMary 817503@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think it's mostly because she lets the money and the super-expensive brands do the talking, and to me that says "old." Although when I go back and look at her photos I think she looks younger than her outifts, if that makes any sense. And no, I don't see an outfit that says "Look at how much money I spent on these basic pieces" as all that restrained. Of course, that's probably my middle-class insecurities coming out... Suz on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817500 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:07:03 +0000 Suz 817500@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ MaryK - would that be because her look consists in a lot of uniforms? What is the quality that makes it dowager, to you? Do you see this as a restrained style? MsMary on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817499 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:05:55 +0000 MsMary 817499@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sorry, but although I think MaiTai looks lovely, I can't help but think her look is more Dowager Queen than any kind of princess! Suz on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817497 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:04:53 +0000 Suz 817497@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Vix, thank you for that link. I did not know the blog. Interesting. MaiTai looks like the embodiment of The Vivienne Files. It's a specific interpretation of Parisian chic. She takes the ubiquitous silk scarf and makes it the focal point or inspiration of the outfit. I don't see this as restrained, exactly. It is a certain kind of classic. And she is beautiful, and does it very well. Looks like an "old money" look to me (even if she does not have money). Sleek Urban Parisienne Princess, perhaps? cheryl on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817483 Sun, 13 Jan 2013 23:25:40 +0000 cheryl 817483@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks for this thread. It is such an interesting read. Vix on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817387 Sun, 13 Jan 2013 20:52:21 +0000 Vix 817387@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Kari -- Life would be very boring if we were all drawn to the same things; no need to apologize for your opinion! [After all, PdP doesn't apologize for hers, ha.] Gaylene -- MaiTai is indeed gorgeous and to my mind is restrained in that what she presents fall within a very limited range -- "impeccable and carefully chosen," as Kari describes it. Despite varying rather enormously in terms of appearance and budget I've nevertheless gotten inspiration from her for my more restrained looks. They are some of my personal favorites.... Kari on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817380 Sun, 13 Jan 2013 20:42:56 +0000 Kari 817380@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Gaylene, that's a beautiful concept to aspire to. I'm going to tuck those words away the next time I'm going for a restrained-to-me outfit. Gaylene on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817378 Sun, 13 Jan 2013 20:40:57 +0000 Gaylene 817378@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Vix, isn't MaiTai absolutely gorgeous? It's entirely subjective, of course, but I'd have no problems characterizing her as a having a restrained style. The scarves definitely add drama, but I don't see restrained as having to be devoid of color or drama; restraint is not a synonym for dull or boring in my books. To me, MaiTai's look is a good example of ManidipaM's "a whisper that can be heard across a room". Kari on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817373 Sun, 13 Jan 2013 20:37:58 +0000 Kari 817373@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Yeah, it may be that this is just my first introduction to her blog and that it's more tongue-in-cheek than how I'm reading it. What can I say - YLF has me very spoiled. Ginkgo on "Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/is-restraint-too-hard-for-most-of-us/page/2#post-817368 Sun, 13 Jan 2013 20:34:14 +0000 Ginkgo 817368@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Guess there's a reason she refers to herself as Duchesse on Passages de Perles! I enjoy her writing style -- it makes me laugh. It would certainly not do if everyone adapted her tone but since as guests we have chosen to enter her salon, we accept her dictates. Besides, she can also be quite self-deprecating at times.