YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Introspection

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Introspection https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 19:16:25 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Vicki on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection/page/2#post-1029493 Sat, 14 Sep 2013 18:54:08 +0000 Vicki 1029493@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Deborah, I can totally relate to what you're saying here and may I say that it's perfectly acceptable to want to keep company with ourselves.  I agree with you 100% that I "feel" closer to some of the women on this forum than I do with those in my life who are "local" and that's perfectly fine with me. I "run" closer to being an introvert and always have and was especially so in my youth.  I still have a problem with small talk in some circles, unless I know the people or feel an immediate sense of connection or if a stronger extrovert type approaches me with warmth. Generally, when I'm in a room with a lot of people I don't know, I usually sit back and observe and find one person with whom to chat.  Then, it goes from there and if not, then I stick with that one person. You have some amazing insights here from the others and I will add that we don't want to cloister too much and hibernate, so what I did in my retirement, was to find ways to reach out in a way that resonated with me.  For instance, I started a monthly women's gathering, at my home, with like-minded spirits, and we gather for about an hour and half, no more than two hours, and talk about what's been going on in our lives, books we've read, health challenges, personal growth, etc. and it's all very supportive.  It's a small group and no more than six or seven women. I also feel close connections with some on Facebook and with some I've never ever met.  But, there's a kinship that develops and I think we all need this communication, connection and "being heard" in our lives, if you know what I mean.  Sometimes, we're not really "heard" and it's so important to be able to express ourselves in a safe, caring and loving environment. Hope this helps you and also to know that your feeling is quite universal and common for some of us. Hugs, Vicki ^_^ Lantana on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection/page/2#post-1029007 Sat, 14 Sep 2013 03:53:00 +0000 Lantana 1029007@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Deborah you are such a sweetheart. Quite apart from anything else, it sounds like your big move is catching up with you. You have a lot of resources and you will be OK. Penny. tarzy on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection/page/2#post-1028869 Sat, 14 Sep 2013 00:34:03 +0000 tarzy 1028869@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Isabel - LOL!  Which everyone my age knows means "lots of love." Isabel on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection/page/2#post-1028787 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 22:43:48 +0000 Isabel 1028787@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Tarzy, nice to see you. I have missed you !  Here, here ! Good luck with your job search.  A tip on how to act young, say to the interviewer, " Hey G, this is one sick, mad job ! I totally want it and will twerk for it. "  LOL ! tarzy on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection/page/2#post-1028514 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 16:02:31 +0000 tarzy 1028514@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Fantastic, timely thread for me.  I can so relate to everything everyone has said. I've even withdrawn from YLF lately!  I still lurk and read, but I'm not shopping much due to budget, and I'm dealing with other stressful situations, so I often just don't have the energy or brain space to comment. I'm 56 and I definitely have been in a phase of reevaluating, while at the same time trying to find new work, so it brings up lots of issues of "how do I present myself to the world?" On the one hand, I'm more comfortable with just being me - but when I'm job hunting I have been advised to appear "young and energetic." Ugh. I would like a job where I can just be myself, at this age, with all my experience and wisdom! It does complicate things. I would be happy to retire tomorrow if I could afford it, but that's not in the cards. I really do believe that ultimately we have to be our authentic selves. Not grumpy, of course, but just be "who we are."  My few remaining true friends really get that, and I don't have the time or energy for all the other "stuff." I'm glad to know I'm in good company! Isabel on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection/page/2#post-1028445 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 14:46:28 +0000 Isabel 1028445@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Deborah, I read this a couple of days ago and it has really been on my mind.  Selfishly, because I could really identify with it.  Sometimes, it isn't that I can't think of small talk, it is that I don't want to.  You would never know it by how I go on here !  ; ) I think that as we get older and we realize how important energy and time are, we are less prone to "waste" it or we start thinking of certain things as "wasteful".  We also have a much better handle of what we like and what feeds us.   When we are younger, so much of our lives are about meeting people and socializing and having people around us that want to just have a good time. A small example is how much more we go out when we are single. That whole thing changes once we have a significant other. As we get older, we want and appreciate people not for having a good time with , but for sticking with us.  That is a great difference. And as we get older, there is more to "stick with" because...well...life happens.  It is only natural that you move toward and appreciate those that feed your soul. There is nothing wrong recognizing people's places in your life.  For example , I have a "friend" who loves to go out to dinner, have parties at her house and so on. She is a great deal of fun. But I know that she is not someone to call with a problem, because problems aren't fun.  That's ok.  That's her niche and I recognize it. Different people fit different needs.  It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means you have gained wisdom. Regarding the volunteering, I have found over the years that two kinds of people volunteer :  those that really want to DO something and those that want to IMPRESS/HAVE A NEED OF THEIR OWN.   People also have funny ideas about volunteering.  Some people feel that since they aren't getting paid, they deserve something in return: whether it is power, respect, awe, control, and so on.  :-(  If things are moving along , then we just need to tolerate them...if nothing is getting done, then it is time to use your talents somewhere else. Hang in there !!!! anne on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection/page/2#post-1028432 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 14:35:06 +0000 anne 1028432@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Deborah I want to give you a hug too!! Just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about this thread and thinking of you, especially every morning as I trudge up a big hill to work!  But I have no real advice, as I think I am a little too young. Deborah on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1027416 Thu, 12 Sep 2013 12:32:16 +0000 Deborah 1027416@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ You know I could just hug you all. I was feeling a bit down on myself becausemofmhowmimwas feeling and your support and encouragement..and your willingness to share how you feel has been medicine for my soul. Lyn, yes, we do need to meet up soon. I have a few commitments to get through and then I'm working out tasking some leave which I'm hoping will include time in Melbourne x Lyn D. on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1027259 Thu, 12 Sep 2013 03:53:55 +0000 Lyn D. 1027259@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I missed this Deborah, but things that are important have a way of presenting themselves, so better later than never! When we are changing inside it is natural to crave more 'me-time', to think things through and decide on a course of action. I am surprised that more relationships don't break-up during mid-life, when we start to feel things so much more deeply and clearly. When we are being treated unfairly we speak-up, when others are we shed tears more readily too! To top it off our parents and older role models are growing old with all that this entails- a tough time. I think my last 5 years have been the most trying but wonderful of all, and you are about those many years behind me in your life. So, it must be getting nearer to the time our real lives cross, 'cause maybe we can share some stuff and help each other just a bit? DizzyLizzy on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026918 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 19:01:13 +0000 DizzyLizzy 1026918@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Deborah, thank you for going public with your thoughts. I recently went through the same thought process. I joined a couple of business womens networks thinking that I had become too withdrawn. I enjoyed the events, and certainly the company, but I also realised that there hadn't really been any 'problem' to start with. I was simply happy with my own company and that of my nearest and dearest. I think as we get older (I'm 48) we become more emotionally stable, more conscientious and more compassionate. I enjoy authentic relationships over aquantanceships these days, and think it's just a sign of maturity and a busy, fulfilling life. Committees drive me NUTS. It is usually impossible to change the ingrained habits and attitudes of individual members agendas so remember it's okay to step away and it's okay to say no. Sending virtual hugs from a newbie. Anonymous on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026917 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 18:59:54 +0000 Anonymous 1026917@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Lol!  JJ ""Puberty II - The Sequel" !! love it I just had to chime back in JulieJohn on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026862 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 18:00:07 +0000 JulieJohn 1026862@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Deborah. Though I am sorry you are going through this, it's good to read because I thought it was just me. Especially the part about no time for small talk anymore. It's just such a waste, and there are so many more interesting things to discuss! I am peri-menopausal, enjoying intermittent bouts of insanity sprinkled with moments of clarity and joy. It is a time for assessing, and then re-assessing, and then re-re-assessing. I'm trying not to be bitter, it's just like you said, "growing pains". When we reach puberty we go through the same feelings: uncertainty about what life is about, why many people seem shallow, where we are headed as individuals. Just when you thought you knew yourself, it's "Puberty II - The Sequel". ;) I don't have any great words of advice except to say that I find your introspection a great sign of your wisdom and mental health. It helps me to know I am growing in compassion and self-forgiveness. And wondering what I was thinking when I thought I knew what life was about?!? Back to beginner's mind .... ((hugs)) Janet on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026647 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 14:12:55 +0000 Janet 1026647@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I also understand this. I was raised by an extremely introverted mother! I am naturally pretty introverted and have a high tolerance for solitude. I have to actively nudge myself out of being a homebody and make myself go out and do social things, especially when my husband isn't around to provide the additional nudge. Just within the last week, I've had two occasions -- an outdoor concert event and my neighborhood picnic -- that I was momentarily tempted to skip, but went and had a great time. I connected with people I hadn't met before, and reconnected with people I already know and deepened some friendships. All the same, I have less tolerance for making commitments to things and people that don't truly inspire or excite me. I think this is all part of getting older and more confident in ourselves and our true preferences. Kudos to you for the introspection. I think these times of unease are critical for personal growth. Jaime on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026592 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 12:46:36 +0000 Jaime 1026592@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ No wisdom just a kind of sympathy for not having the time or patience for a lot of people and situations. Like Caro and others I can really only keep up with a few really good friends, along with my sister. I do keep in contact with a sort of second tier of good friends and just can't imagine any more than that. The whole idea of facebook as a way of keeping in touch with everyone I have ever met leaves me cold. On the other hand, I love contributing to YLF and I get a lot out of interacting with intelligent, thoughtful women (with shared interests!), so maybe Suz is right that this fulfills a lot of the broader social needs of this confirmed introvert. Anonymous on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026544 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 11:16:14 +0000 Anonymous 1026544@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Dear Deborah, I found myself nodding along to so many of your points. I get you girl! I think I started going through some of this when our (big) church dissolved a few years ago. I had been completely involved there and it met my social needs and being on the worship team was a huge creative outlet for me. We are still on good terms with everyone, but we just don't run into everyone every Sunday anymore. Our small group kept meeting, and in time we decided that we would be a church; these folks are my close friends.  Around that time I joined Facebook, but after awhile that began to feel juvenile, in part because it's something my kids do. Everyone was always taking pictures with their "besties" and "BFF"s and for some reason that made me feel left out. Similar to Rachylou, I guess I feel like grownups shouldn't have "best friends", especially more that one. What's with that anyway? If one person is your best friend, how can you have another? It seems like wrong word usage to me. A short time after I found YLF, I deleted my FB account. I had added too many friends (people from elementary school that I haven't seen in 35 years) and I wish I had just kept my circle small.  I guess I'm at a place in my life where I have some choices about what I get involved with. DFS was a lot of fun, but the dress code (and freezing boutique) was always a challenge and I could never volunteer enough to satisfy the never ending need. Add in some petty "full-time" volunteers and you begin to get the picture. Now with DH's new domicile assignment, I don't just happen to be downtown each week when the boutique is open; he drives himself and I am without a car. I gave them my notice a few months ago. Next, I volunteered with my friend, the landscape architect, on a one-month trial. After that month was up, I was so DONE with that! I could see doing that kind of volunteer work if I was angling for a job with the city like he is, but seriously and (you said this in an earlier thread) while it interested me, it didn't excite me. Ditto for the free online class I signed up for and dropped quickly on Into to Interior Design. I'm getting very picky about what I do! I don't want to go to a movie I'm not interested in and I don't want to go somewhere and freeze wearing clothes I feel ugly in. Life is too short! No more volunteering at places that won't let me wear jeans. I guess I'm at the age and stage of life where I only want to do something that has meaning for me, and those opportunities seem few and far between. I might just have to create them for myself instead of getting involved in an organization, ie. helping to clean the house of a friend of a friend who has small children and late-stage cancer, visiting another friend's mom who is in a group home, etc.  So anyway, you see I can relate! I appreciate your no-nonsense approach and don't find it off-putting at all. And I love YLF for the same reasons you do. I have yet to find any one of my friends or acquaintances that is half as interested in fashion as I am, although we do get into deep discussions about other important things. I never thought it could have anything to do with hormones, but with midlife in general for sure. I imagine the older and wiser we get, the less time we'll have for petty, trivial situations and we'll focus on what's truly important.  Deborah on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026521 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 09:25:40 +0000 Deborah 1026521@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hil and Diane thank you... we cross posted. I will read now and get back to you both xxx Deborah on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026520 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 09:24:41 +0000 Deborah 1026520@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Well firstly "thank you" and secondly, I got a bit teary reading your responses. Krista, I relate to what you are saying. Up and until our relocation, I was crazy busy with 'everything' and constantly on the go. I thrived on it. When we relocated I decided to take it easy and not load myself up. That worked for a while and then I started taking on commitments. And I guess that just because that worked for me before, it is not necessarily right for me now. Nebraskim, thank you for sharing. I love your comment 'distilling our lives down to the very essence and we will emerge like a concentrated powerhouse"... I found myself saying "YES" "YES". I may have to type this up and pop it in my wardrobe. It's almost like a time of rediscovery. Texstyle, being able to talk about has actually allowed a load to shift from me, particular as I see I am not alone in how I am thinking and feeling. And I think you nailed how important common ground is. For me people who share my beliefs and values is incredibly important. Suz, I agree. Im not isolated and my work is very people oriented so I feel 'integrated'. I do the same as you Suz, my DH and I often like very different movies and do the same as you. Time wasting is one of my pet peeves:) And you know like you I really value my friendships here and would be loath to rate them against my real life friendships. Both are important and both are valuable and both feed my soul:) Liz, you know I think I might really be an introvert. I have always pushed myself to be more social, develop my people skills and put my self "out there". I prefer one on one interaction and find groups a bit overwhelming and large gatherings a bit uncomfortable, unless I know a lot of people. I really appreciate your comment, I think I might be feeling a bit 'down' but would certainly follow up if I thought it was anything more. Dana, maybe I am having a midlife crisis! Maybe I should go buy a red sports car lol. I suspect I will start unpacking this with my real life friends soon and I suspect that communicating about it is actually part of the process that brings us out the other side. I am kind of freaking out about being in 'midlife' ... in my mind I am still 30 :) Rachy that is a really interesting thought. I have 4 very close girlfriends one of which goes back 20 years and I do feel very satisfied with these relationships. I am close to my mum and sister (dad has passed) and also to DH's mum. I told myself I had to integrate here and make friends, and I have, but I think I have to accept that it's ok if they are casual friendships and my existing relationships are enough and that is ok. Carla, great exercise! I am going to try that. Like you I get a great deal of social interaction at work:) Caro, if I accept the introspection, can I skip the wrinkles:) Nurturing my friendships is now not as fluid because I am 2.5 hours way, so it actually takes more of me (and I am sure of my girlfiends) to look after our relationships. This of course then leaves less time to pursue friendships here. MNsara, oh I relate to you. I have become more outspoken but it can be badly received. I always try to be polite and sensitive but generally I find people like to gloss things over and pretend all is fine. deb, I have been learning to say 'no'. I am happy with my situation and I do like living where we are so I think I do need to just roll with it. Dianthus, thank you for your comment. I am encouraged that this is something women like yourself are also thinking about and discussing. CC, thank you for you encouraging words. I do feel like this is a time of reinvention:) I have taken on some new interests that I am enjoying so much and I find invigorating - they are somewhat solitary pursuits I wonder if what I am feeling are 'growing pains'? I hope I haven't missed anyone, I appreciate your thoughts, your encouragement and assurance that I am normal more than you know. Thank you. xxx Anonymous on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026517 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 09:12:27 +0000 Anonymous 1026517@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Textyle's second comment really rings true for me and perhaps it is a part of what you are experiencing.. 'But to have friends that aren't really sharing your beliefs, goals, morals, etc., can be a challenge'. I have known 5 friends for about 9 years and to be honest nearly all of them have different interests to me and non are into fashion like myself. I actually had a mini meltdown a few weeks back at a gathering. and ended up crying and leaving early. However I would never go out at all if it wasn't for them so I have changed my mindset and now I think of them more as a means to an end. Don't get me wrong We do still get along well (we met up last Fri and it was fun) but I have to have my 'fix ' of like minded people on here. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your own company either Deb. I agree with the others that it probably is just a part of getting older and also the dreaded M. I'm officially in that at the moment and I have found myself getting 'Introspective' and trying to figure what I want from life. I also get depressed which is all part of it  and as for the exhaustion... well it's quite a cocktail of feelings to deal with. Don't be hard on yourself Deb and do some soul searching as to what really is important to you. Take care xo Hil on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026508 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 08:36:54 +0000 Hil 1026508@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Deborah - I think it's all just a normal part of life... On Saturday, our family went to a family social/work function and we saw people that we used to hang out with socially 10 or 15 years ago, when we were all in our early 20's. We were laughing about how back then we used to work and party so hard. Friday afternoons started at the pub at lunch and went on into the night and the more people we could gather the better. And we would and could be awake until all hours, a couple of time a week. Now, we all have children of assorted ages and we are all a whole lot more sedate. We value early nights, quiet time, spending quality time with family. I like having company over and entertaining a bit, and I love my girlfriends to bits, but I they are few and they're chosen and they are important for this stage in my life. I have also found this year, where I have worked more than ever before both at my day job, and the baking business we are building and my doula work that I value quiet time in more than ever before. There is nothing I love more than a time out with my computer. Anyway - that's my 2c worth. Hugs! x Classically Casual on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026422 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 03:48:40 +0000 Classically Casual 1026422@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I suspect you're really going to enjoy the decade of your 50's. For reasons I certainly don't understand, the changes in our bodies & hormones can lead to a big burst of creativity. For me this was a time to reinvent myself. (These were fairly subtle changes to the observer, but meaningful to me.) And I recall feeling badly that men don't get to undergo this same type of metamorphosis. I say enjoy the rich relationships in your life, and embrace whatever comes next. cheryle (Dianthus) on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026321 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 01:33:12 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 1026321@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have talked about this with a friend recently and we both felt that we no longer felt the need to have a lot of friends but were content with a few.  We all go through phases (it isn't just kids) and sometimes a change in circumstances like a move enforces a change that makes us realize that it is welcome even though it wasn't sought. Deborah, thank you for posting this.  It is comforting to know there are others and clearly from the responses there are quite a few. Suz on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026319 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 01:32:53 +0000 Suz 1026319@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Also, as we've said a number of times, it's really no mystery why so many of us here on YLF are introverts! It's not at all the the stereotyped "nerdy computer a-social" thing. On the contrary. We like this site because here we develop deeper connections than we are able to in the small talk of daily life or the ceaseless shallow newsreel of regular social media! Or at least that's how I feel. I know these relationships in no way compare to or replace real-life friendships. But for me, they are better than almost all real-life acquaintanceships. Because they are created around a genuine shared interest, and nurtured with compassion, on our own time, they're more meaningful.  There. Spoken like a true introvert.  :-)  deb on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026280 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 00:58:02 +0000 deb 1026280@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think that introspection comes with wisdom and visa versa. Although, not for everyone.  A move can be one of the most stressful time in one's life. Are you unhappy with your current feelings? If not, then I say just roll with them for a while and see what coms of it. I am very selective with my friends and will not feel obligated to go somewhere. It just builds resentment in me. It took a long time but I finally learned to say no to commitments that are not important to me. MNsara on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026249 Wed, 11 Sep 2013 00:15:25 +0000 MNsara 1026249@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I really think this is a very normal, yet profound, change for lots of women in this mid-life time.  (I happen to think some hormone changes are a factor here, but even if they're not, the internal psychological/emotional shift is very real. . .)  I think I started noticing these changes in myself in my late 40s:  I started to feel more comfortable in my own skin, more sure of myself, less willing to put up with various 'crap' in life - even behavior in my own family (dh and kids), and I started to speak up about it.  I actually feel (a bit) sorry for my husband that I was no longer operating by the same 'rules' that I had for the previous 25+ years!! It was like I was finally coming into myself, or something.  I also saw how those outspoken, assertive, slightly in-your-face middle aged women come about (or I am the only one who sees them as a phenomenon?) I also agree with nebraskim about needing more recharge time!  I'm much less eager to commit to the former constant assortment of activities, commitments, and entertaining.  So, put the lack of desire to DO everything I used to do, together with my newfound lack of putting up with the things that no longer seem fulfilling or worthwhile, and it sounds a lot like what you're experiencing ;-) I'm interested in this discussion - this sort of change does make you wonder which is the 'real' you?! Caro in Oz on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026226 Tue, 10 Sep 2013 23:42:53 +0000 Caro in Oz 1026226@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think for a lot of women getting older produces introspection like it produces wrinkles  I think this is a really great thing (not the wrinkles) but confusing at the time.  Imo if we have been focused on giving to others, the change in our hormones at peri-menopause seems to alter this balance & we become more self focused. In my case it manifested in different ways but the lack of tolerance for a lot of so called normal social behaviour (i.e. all the games) became VERY low. I would also question the accepted wisdom that lots of friends = a great life. 3 or 4 friendships are as much as I can handle, these are deep long-lasting friendships though. Any more than that & the friendship isn't nurtured because I don't have the time to do so :) Adding relocation to the above really compounded things for me too.  No real advice but as with style/fashion so with life, you are not alone; enjoy & learn from the process. xxooxx Carla on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026073 Tue, 10 Sep 2013 19:47:21 +0000 Carla 1026073@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ *sorry, duplicat* Carla on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1026066 Tue, 10 Sep 2013 19:41:04 +0000 Carla 1026066@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Amen, sister! Make a list of 10 or so things you REALLY LIKE to do. Are they social or solitary. If you feel energized after highly social activities, then you are an E. If a solitary walk, or time in a garden is rejuvenating then you are an I. Nothing wrong with being an I...just a temperament. I work in a social setting. At the end of the day I'm exhausted. The last thing I want to do is socialize. Sometimes, even going to the mall is too much! texstyle on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1025948 Tue, 10 Sep 2013 18:07:59 +0000 texstyle 1025948@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think society places a lot of social stress on us to have plenty of friends. You know, how in those "studies" where they say having friends is one of the best things for your health, etc.? But to have friends that aren't really sharing your beliefs, goals,  morals, etc., can be a challenge.  At least to me it can. Not that everyone has to be like me to be my friend, but there has to be some common ground. And maybe as we age the common ground is more important (and more elusive) because we've already had those internal debates with ourselves to set a certain path in life. rachylou on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1025942 Tue, 10 Sep 2013 17:57:46 +0000 rachylou 1025942@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My family is sort of *known* for being... withdrawn... and yet we are party people... but anyways take this with a grain of salt: In my family we say that "adults do not have friends." It sort of reflects a belief/feeling that friends are for teenagers, young people, when they are supposed to go out and find their true loves and vocations and so forth. But when you're an adult, you have a life then - your home is your life, etc. etc. - and a certain natural withdrawal occurs. You don't socialise all the time with "outsiders" in the way that you're used to. Maybe not even on a weekly basis... ironkurtin on "Introspection" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/introspection#post-1025936 Tue, 10 Sep 2013 17:52:39 +0000 ironkurtin 1025936@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Major life changes can throw you for a reset.  I think it's normal.  It's OK to go with how you feel right now.  If it helps, I'm having a total mid life crisis and am whining all over my friends, so at least you're not doing *that*!