https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 21 Apr 2026 15:38:28 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-366046 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 22:10:13 +0000 LoP 366046@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great ideas already. I have a 3.5 year old going to Montessori school. So far it is easy to set up a dress code. He has PE on Tuesdays so he wears a t-shirt on those days. The rest of the time, I dress him in something like a polo shirt or woven shirt with rolled up sleeves. In cold winter days, we have a few v-neck argyle sweaters that add warmth. I will try to keep this dress code up for as long as I can, but I'm sure it will get harder as he gets older. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-366017 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 20:43:33 +0000 Charmian 366017@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@3style -- sorry for the delayed response, I was out of town. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response to my (dashed off) comment. I was referring to the thread as a whole, and hope I didn't come off as singling out a specific comment.</p> <p>I would absolutely LOVE to read some of the work that you reference. I went to a public school and felt very very judged by my appearance (this is in the 1980s/90s). In talking to some of my younger cousins (who went to schools that required uniforms) I found that they'd had similar experiences as well. Because of the time spans and distances involved, I assumed that our shared experiences were universal truths. Now I'm really curious to find out more! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-364117 Thu, 09 Jun 2011 23:00:55 +0000 3style 364117@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@Charmian.... I'm not sure if you were responding to me or to me and a number of other folks, with regards to the idea that uniforms "reduce the ranking/judging people do."</p> <p>Certainly, that was not what I was getting at. I mentioned "reducing clique formation." So, my experience was that things were different and improved in schools where kids aren't allowed to be as expressive with regards to showing membership to a certain type of style: say those that dressed like punk rockers versus those that imitated hair metal bands (ah the eighties). In schools that were a little more restrictive with regards to dress, one couldn't immediately judge someone by what kind of clothes they wore, so one had to actually get to know them a bit, and ask them questions about their tastes and interests, in order to form an opinion. That meant more kids took time to get to know other kids, hence fewer cliques and more social fluidity. </p> <p>For example, in a school with a strict dress code, I was friends with child prodigies, many "cool kids" and some kids living in trailer parks who frightened the teachers a bit. In schools that I attended which had no dress standards, the lines between cliques were much sharper, and it was difficult to approach "the goths" or "the jocks" or whatever, if you didn't dress just like them... so you had to preemptively decide what kind of person to be friends with by picking a dress style, before actually getting to know people who wore that style, which I found disconcerting. Eventually I ended up part of what I think was the only multi-cultural clique in that school. </p> <p>As far as it being human nature to be judging, I think maybe you are conflating being "judging" with being "lookist." Being "lookist" is a modern cultural phenomena fueled by advertising, consumerism, etc.... Previous to this century, people were judged more based on what they could contribute and by their natural physical appearance (indicating health and vigor) not by what items they possessed. I can get into sources for this assertion, if you care.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-362107 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 19:36:39 +0000 Charmian 362107@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>On the idea that uniforms reduce the ranking/judging that kids do:</p> <p>This doesn't ring true to me at all. It's human nature to rank and judge others, and by eliminating clothing, you only move the ranking elsewhere. In my female cousin's uniformed school, the haircut and hair accessories wers huge; it was such a BIG DEAL that I was terrified of buying her accessories. When I was growing up, the plastic bag you used to ferry your gym clothing made a difference. No, I'm not kidding; I still remember desperately wishing for a Gap bag to replace my Safeway one ... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-362004 Mon, 06 Jun 2011 17:45:21 +0000 3style 362004@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi wilson.<br /> Newbie here. I've been thinking about this post a lot. I went to four different school systems growing up. Some with specific dress codes, some without. I actually preferred the ones with dress code, because it seemed to promote less clique formation. The dress code for boys at the schools that had one was nonetheless somewhat less restrictive than what you suggested. Mainly the bullet points for boys were the following:<br /> *shirts must have some sort of sleeve: no tanks/muscle shirts<br /> *no see-through shirts, mesh sports jerseys must have a shirt under them<br /> *no advertising for products or brands or offensive pictures; sports teams and activities memorabilia is okay<br /> *no shorts shorter than two inches above the kneecap<br /> *no ragged hemlines, holes, rips etc. in pants<br /> *no baseball caps or other non-religious hats indoors<br /> *pants must fit properly: no tight or sagging pants<br /> *no large, spiky, or clanging jewelry</p> <p>This set of rules to me seems to me to be sufficient to make a child think about dressing appropriately for an occasion, without making him stand out as a nerd.</p> <p>Also, I don't know the economic status of people at your child's school, but you should realize that some parents dress their kids in sweats because they can't afford separate school wear, play wear and pajamas, and the sweats cover all those bases. Consider yourself lucky that that isn't your situation.</p> <p>The other thing I would say, is that I always had at least 50% hand-me-downs growing up. Actually I wore about half hand-me-downs until I was about 25 and had completely paid off my college student loans. And there is some value in just letting kids accepting that they get what the parents can afford and that is that.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-361536 Sun, 05 Jun 2011 04:32:53 +0000 wilson 361536@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thunalata, I love your term "drip feed" in terms of parenting! And Celia, involving your children in the decision of what YOU are going to wear for an occasion is super smart. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-361531 Sun, 05 Jun 2011 04:04:30 +0000 celia 361531@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting thread. I never really sat down and tought about it but I guess I impose some standards for my dd(she's 3), mostly by example.<br /> Sometimes when we have time for it we even decide together what mommy is going to wear.<br /> It was very interesting to read all the comments.Thank you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-361266 Sat, 04 Jun 2011 14:21:37 +0000 Polly (thunalata) 361266@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So interesting!</p> <p>My DS just turned 7 and my DD just turned 5. We're in the UK so they wear uniforms to school, so that's easy. Our similar situation is in going to church and I've been trying to avoid too strict a dress code for DS (DD is happy enough to dress up at the drop of a hat!) for various reasons.</p> <p>I can enforce certain standards (with various amounts of grumbling). More important, though, are the conversations we have about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate and why, and the drip feed of that at relaxed moments (ie not when we're getting ready to go to church...) is very effective. It's a heart-warming moment when I send him to get dressed for a smart occasion and he comes back dressed in exactly what I would have picked.</p> <p>I have had similar success with drip feeding DD who until recently was a hard-core pattern mismatcher. When we introduced the 'one pattern at a time allows you to enjoy that pattern' guideline life improved immeasurably! Again, it's lovely when they do that themselves - DD picks out her own clothes and makes much better choices these days.</p> <p>Look forward to hearing what you decide to do! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-361264 Sat, 04 Jun 2011 14:10:40 +0000 Megan 361264@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm on the 'not worth the energy' camp. </p> <p>I think it's best to lead by example, take pride in your appearance (which I'm sure you do!) and only have clothes available that are neat and acceptable (perhaps some 'painting/craft clothes would be good to keep but to be clear that those are only for crafts etc.). If you only buy clothes you are happy for him to wear, he will feel independent choosing for himself and you will be fine with whatever he wants to wear. </p> <p>I think things like encouraging him to clean his shoes and check that his clothes are neat will instill a sense of pride in his apparence and praise when you particularly like his choices will reinforce the behaviours you want to continue. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-361257 Sat, 04 Jun 2011 13:10:40 +0000 biscuitsmom 361257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>One thing that comes to mind for me is how terribly hot collared shirts can be, especially for a active child at recess or if the building lacks air conditioning....please consider that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-361252 Sat, 04 Jun 2011 12:47:10 +0000 Mamapicklejuice 361252@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a dress code for my daughters...which I have never actually verbalized, it's just done through example. I wear only dresses and skirts to church, for example, never jeans, or anything overly casual. My daughters have always been dressed that way and now instinctively pick out dresses themselves when they are getting ready for church.</p> <p>At a recent kindergarten event, my eldest picked out her own outfit - her best summer dress (with the fullest skirt) and instructed me to wear a dress as well. So our dressing up for church (out of respect for the occasion as well as out of respect for our fellow church-goers) has carried over into other areas in our life to which we attach importance. :)</p> <p>I have noticed this on many other occasions as well...if we are expecting a guest (grand parents, for example), my eldest wants to dress nicely, get her hair braided, etc.</p> <p>I have to say, if there's one rule that I would enforce, it would be a neat and tidy appearance. Nothing torn, stained, no dirty faces, wild hair... I like the idea of stepping it up a notch if they have a presentation at school...even just subtly. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-361129 Sat, 04 Jun 2011 02:45:17 +0000 wilson 361129@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, thank you everyone for sharing! It seems like I am hearing that a dress code like the one I am kicking around seems overly strict but that most people have dress codes that they do uphold within their families. Collared shirts seem to hit a button with a lot of people. I am thinking that my idea of a collared shirt and what it brings to mind for others might be different. The ones I am thinking of are seen on all sorts of playgrounds and parks every day and don't evoke strangeness in the slightest.</p> <p>My parenting instincts really do tug in the direction of a dress code at school; I am not comfortable in my parenting skin with okaying an anything goes attitude towards dress at school. It intuitively does not seem appropriate. Its so good to hear feedback so I can refine these boundaries before drawing them out for my son. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-361010 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:21:07 +0000 CK 361010@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting thread! My two cents: if the goal is to teach him to dress appropriately for a given situation, then it seems to me that jeans and t-shirts ARE appropriate dress for school, as long as they're clean and not too worn, faded or torn. And I tend to agree that imposing a dress code may work for a while, but he will probably rebel against it at some point in time.</p> <p>My kids attend/attended a school requiring uniforms through 8th grade, then a public high school with a very loose dress code. The uniforms sure make dressing easy! But my kids do dress appropriately even when they're choosing the clothes.</p> <p>I think the most important way children learn is by example, and it sounds as if you're setting a great one. I don't think you need to impose any strict rules in order to teach him this skill. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-360987 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 20:53:31 +0000 Jonesy 360987@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, the food stuff is wild! We also eat very healthily (lots of whole grains, mostly vegetarian, no mammals, lots of fruit and veggies and yogurt) but we are not opposed to the occasional Pringle or Cheeto or Breyer's coffee ice cream :). Most things in moderation! Throw in some exercise and you are good to go! I think if you are too restrictive, your child will have a tendency to develop some weird ideas/feelings about food. For example, a friend of mine was restricted from all sugar growing up. They would have plain yogurt for dessert. As a result, she started hoarding those tubs of ready-made chocolate frosting in her underwear drawer, once she was old enough to have an allowance and make it to the grocery store. I think she still has all sorts of mixed-up feelings related to sugar, guilt, what's forbidden, etc. etc. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-360985 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 20:50:01 +0000 April 360985@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like AJ's suggestion: two capsules, Mom chooses what's in them, DS chooses what goes on from them. </p> <p>I suspect, Paige, that he'll get some of his ideas about the importance of dressing appropriately from watching Mom. And since it's important to you, I'm sure you're setting a good example. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-360983 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 20:39:00 +0000 catgirl 360983@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Jonesy, your food story made me laugh and cringe. I just took my sister's 6 year old on vacation with us, and my sister sent me a long e-mail about making him eat broccoli, not giving him sugar, blah blah - not because of any health or allergies, just out of being a control freak. Plus he's vegetarian and she wants him to eat only certain brands of veggie burgers, and he is super-picky on top and hates eating (can't imagine why!).</p> <p>I am all about healthy eating for kids, and my son eats only wheat bread and lots of fruits and veggies, but honestly? On vacation? Where they may not have Morningstar Farm fauxsage at the local grocery store? I wrote back and said of course I would do what she said, and then I went ahead and let him eat whatever my son was eating (except meat) and he did just fine - in fact he tried new foods and his eating habits improved from not having someone hover over him.</p> <p>I so agree with everything you've said! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-360980 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 20:21:20 +0000 Freckles 360980@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi I’m new here.<br /> I have a 19 year old son and thinking back we did have a dress code for school but I actually never really thought about imposing one. It just happened when we went clothes shopping for the upcoming year. After school and weekend wear tended to take a lot more abuse than school wear and that was my reasoning back then. At one point he started wearing his after school/weekend pants to school because they were so comfy. They happened to be a pant from a popular mountain climbing gear store here and looked better than sweatpants which most of the kids wore and could go through a war and not rip or get worn away. I had just picked them for weekend wear as they were pretty much indestructible...<br /> He was in grade eleven or twelve when one of the girls told him she was going to take him clothes shopping for some designer jeans. Are you nuts he replied, I can get blah blah blah sporting equipment for the price you want me to spend on a pair of jeans...<br /> Our city is conservative and super athletic so I think that has probably made it easier as it fits my son’s personality too.<br /> Thank you so much for the wonderful memories and my suggestion would be not to jump ahead too quickly. Get a few things for him to begin school and find out if he’s comfortable and happy in them before buying a whole wardrobe or making a new family rule. Whatever you decide will be your best try to equip your son for years ahead and nobody can ask for more than that. Good luck and enjoy each other! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-360951 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 19:15:05 +0000 catgirl 360951@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a fascinating thread. My son has very little opinion on what he wears as long as it's comfortable. He refuses to wear jeans (too constricting and stiff), turtlenecks, or button-down shirts. Frankly, I have little interest in arguing. My rule is "nothing torn or dirty" for school, and that's about it. I also don't let him wear t-shirts with anything obnoxious or violent printed on them.Oh, and I make him wear Indian tunics on picture day. Here's first day of school last year.</p> <p>My husband feels more strongly about proper dress than I do, so we've compromised on these Old Navy athletic pants that are a step up from sweats, but still have a comfy waistband. Our battles tend to be over wearing shorts when it's snowing or other practical concerns. </p> <p>I completely agree with QM and Jonesy on this subject. I do try to set an example by how we dress and talking to him about respectfulness. And if we have a "real" event, I clean him up a little. But otherwise, I let him have his freedom and set restrictions in other parts of his life (diet, behavior, schoolwork).</p> <p>Just to add, there is an adorable little girl in my son's class who is a total tomboy. Her dad is in the military and both her mom and older sister are very girly-girl dressers. Still, her parents allow her to come to school in traditional boy clothes (button-downs, boy jeans, baseball caps - she wore a tie in her school photo), and all the kids are fine with it right now. In fact, my son loves her because she roughhouses with the boys at recess. I absolutely admire them for allowing her to be herself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child/page/2#post-360945 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 19:11:22 +0000 Aziraphale 360945@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I haven't had time to read all the other posts, but when I do, I'm looking forward to going through them. This is an interesting thread.</p> <p>Here's my two cents. I love (most) school uniforms, and I think kids look adorable in them. I see how it eliminates (or helps minimize) one variable when it comes to the many things a child has to think about when it comes to school and socializing.</p> <p>But -- and it's a big "but" -- I absolutely would not enforce a dress code for a child who is attending public school. That's not to say that I think it's OK for kids to go to school in their scrubs (or, when they're older, ridiculously revealing clothes). They need to look presentable. But why why why would you want to make clothing a battleground? Because at some point, your son is going to notice that he's the only kid wearing collared shirts, and it's going to become an issue, UNLESS all the other kids are wearing collared shirts. Kids care a lot about what they wear, and what others wear. They NOTICE and they RANK each other, and one of the criteria they use is dress. (That's part of why school uniforms can be handy). </p> <p>I say this because I was the kid who was forced to wear dorky clothes that my mom liked, and it didn't matter much in the primary grades, but by grade six, I and the other kids were aware that my clothes were different. This was not a good thing. The clothes I wore were not ugly by any means; in fact, in retrospect, they were cute. But it wasn't what all the other kids were wearing, and I was WELL AWARE of that. And so was everyone else. It made me very, very unhappy. I might as well have had a "kick me" sign on my back by grade seven, when all the other girls were wearing their jeans and cool Flashdance sweatshirts with the neck hole cut out, and I was still wearing collared shirts and corduroy skirts with knee socks. And apparently, I still haven't gotten over it, because I still feel angry when I think about it! :-)</p> <p>Now, if your child chooses to dress in a "different" way, and he's happy with that, and he's not getting harrassed by the other kids, it's fine. By high school, lots of kids choose to make themselves stand out by wearing something completely different from what the other kids are wearing. It's a statement. But it's got to be the kid's choice to do that, not the parent's. </p> <p>I feel very strongly about this. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360921 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 18:29:56 +0000 Jonesy 360921@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I 1000% support Queen Mum's thoughts on this. I have two kids (a son who's almost 13 and a daughter who's 9) and I teach child development and have worked for lots of years with kids and families. I think you want to strike a balance between being overly permissive (not good!) and overly restrictive/controlling (also not good!). Some kids need a bit more restrictions, some need a bit more permissiveness, but there is a middle range that works pretty well for just about most kids. Empirical evidence does support the idea that the most positive outcomes for kids are associated with parenting that is authoritative (some structure but lots of warmth and support, and a democratic decision-making style that adapts as the child develops over time) vs. permissive or authoritarian (controlling, cold, harsh).</p> <p>QM is absolutely right about how some children will be compliant and passive, especially when they are younger, but that tends to go out the window as they age. Personally I think children who are over-controlled by their well-meaning-but-too-controlling parents are being done a disservice, as are children who are allowed to do whatever they want. </p> <p>For example, we have relatives with an only child. She has had some mild food allergies that are mostly resolved, but now they are super-anxious and super-controlling about her food (she's 8). She is not allowed to have sugar, soft drinks, candy (including at Halloween!), birthday cake, etc. We were all traveling together last summer on a car trip, and we stopped at a gas station to get something to drink. The child's mom raced inside to intervene with my SO, worried that he was purchasing her a soft drink. She is a very anxious and compliant child, but I can see that there will come a day when she rebels and wants a candy bar or a piece of birthday cake at a birthday party :). My point is that I see controlling behavior as about the parent's issues more than about what's best for the kid, typically.</p> <p>OTOH, my brother is an overly permissive parent. His daughter has essentially set her own bedtime, has free access to multiple tech devices at all times, etc. etc. She seems sort of lost, like she is craving structure and guidance. This over-permissiveness can be especially risky for adolescents--it can facilitate their getting into risky situations that they can't handle and shouldn't have to handle. This is a sub-optimal parenting strategy too!</p> <p>So, from my perspective, I'm not sure your plan is the best one, especially as he gets older. I like the idea of establishing basic guidelines, but then offering freedom within those. The guidelines have to take his social context into consideration (his school, his peers) in order to be respectful toward him, IMHO. Also, I think that framing the issue as being about his competitiveness in the world marketplace as an adult strikes me as veering into "cart before horse" land.</p> <p>I am being quite direct, so I hope it doesn't rub you the wrong way.</p> <p>ETA: You were wondering about what specific criteria some of us use. Here are mine for my kids' clothes for school: No sweatpants, track pants, or lounge pants; no short shorts (must have a several-inch inseam); nothing explicitly military (e.g., no camo); nothing with anything offensive written on it (including stuff like "princess"); nothing sexualizing or adultifying for my daughter (e.g., no halter tops, high heels, midriff-baring tops, tight miniskirts, nothing too blingy); no leggings without long tops that cover the rear end; no "sagging" for my son (i.e., wearing pants or shorts deliberately low so they show the boxer shorts underneath). I think that about covers it! It's certainly possible that some of these will be up for renegotiation as they get older, but these are the current rules. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360907 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:37:17 +0000 AJ 360907@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think just conversing with him frequently when you see examples as you go about your day on what looks appropriate for the occasion, will be more helpful than a dress code. Then you can furthur emphasized what you talked about when it comes time to buying the clothing and/or planning what to wear for a specific event. </p> <p>Maybe while he is still young, you can sit with him the night before so he can show you what he has planned to wear the next day or plan for the week. That would be a good time to discuss why you think an item is/is not appropriate. (I also think it's good to give kudos for the right choices as well.) Make it fun as well as informative. </p> <p>Hopefully starting this feedback session will continue and as he gets older, he'll want to ask you for your opinion on what he should wear for the more important events. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360903 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:21:03 +0000 Queen Mum 360903@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't want to leave you with the impression that I'm advocating a dressing free for all for your family. I'm just not sure that creating a dress code such as ... collar and slacks... conveys the spirit of the rule. While they are young, yes, certainly demand that they wear clean presentable clothing to school... that is what you are trying to instill in them more than the fact that clothing needs to have certain random features such as cuffs, collars or beltloops. It has also been my experience that once they hit a certain age, they will fight your dressing standards to the death. That is when it might be time to let it go. </p> <p>I am reminded of a post from JennyK from a while back when her boss decided that denim would no longer be allowed on casual Fridays. She confronted her boss with the fact that her premium denim jeans were much more professional looking than some of the other women's elastic waist polyester pants that were 3 inches too short, but yet, under the dress code, that was allowed. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360834 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:55:48 +0000 Sarah 360834@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I want you to take my opinion with a grain of salt because I have no children, but I am a Kindergarten teacher. </p> <p>In my opinion, every kid in my class comes to school to learn, it's not a fashion show. That being said, I come to school every day dressed as a professional because not every child that walks into my room will have experience with a professional job in their lives and it is my job to give them exposure to appropriate business attire even though they are only in Kindergarten. I work in a lower income, rural school district where most of the students' parents work blue collar jobs. I grew up in a blue collar family so I definitely do not see this as a problem, but I was also exposed to appropriate business attire and the hidden rules of the middle class (I'm actually taking a class on this right now). It is important to teach your child appropriate dress and the formal register of speaking, but you don't want the other kids to ostracize him.</p> <p>This seems like a jumble, but here is the point I am going to make, in Kindergarten and 1st grade I have heard very little talk about what other kids are wearing, the other kids simply don't seem to care until they have hit 2nd grade and higher. I would say instill this in your son now, but if he has any reservations about what he wears, allow him to talk about it with you. He's going to know if the other kids are teasing him, hopefully you guys have a relationship that allows for that type of discussion. I got teased a lot in school for being a chubby girl who was primarily dressed by her grandmother (and not fashionably. ) and I know how traumatic that can be. Maybe you guys could work together to choose outfits the night before that fit both of your needs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360832 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:53:36 +0000 Mo 360832@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm not a mom but my instinct says, no, this isn't a battle worth fighting. Like QM's kids, I was not told directly what to wear, but our household was not permissive either. Dinner was always at 7:30 sharp, heck for a few years we had no TV because my brother did something stupid and so I got the shaft in the punishment as well . . . but I digress. There were definitely rules but not with our clothing - as long as it was in decent shape and we weren't exposed. Now, I know they weren't happy the year or two I painted my fingernails black and wore supertight parachute pants with concert tee's. But I wasn't forbidden to do it. And I grew out of it. All my friends were doing it, so I did, too. And then one day I didn't want to anymore. I was in the gifted classes and still did my work and what I wore didn't make the difference in my education.<br /> So in my experience, being able to navigate the world of school and dressing appropriately was something I learned on my own, given the space and opportunity to do so. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360821 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:33:45 +0000 Queen Mum 360821@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>hmm, I'm trying to remember.....<br /> Like I said, they didn't attend school at the elementary ages, but I think I gave up the wardrobe fight pretty early It just got too tiring to always battle. They HATED wearing collars and wouldn't have been caught dead in anything other than jeans. But, I'm sure nobody ever attended a wedding in a tee shirt. For weddings I would say "collared shirt and no holes in your jeans."<br /> Actually, the fact that most of the time I didn't say much probably helped on the rare occasion that I did intervene. As a parent, you certainly do need to set some standards, Yes, school is their work, but it is their social world as well. They want to fit in with their peers.<br /> I would think a more appropriate school dress code would be no dirt, no holes in your clothes, no bed wear and no offensive or scary tee shirts. I'm just not seeing a correlation between a collared shirt for a 6 year old and getting into an Ivy League school (but what do I know... none of mine are in an Ivy league school.. I guess I just disproved my point ;-)</p> <p>I don't want to give the impression that I'm a loosey goosey permissive parent either. We have always expected obedience and respectfulness. We were very strict about what they watched on TV, movies, language, curfew, chores, etc... I tried to be strict about food too, but lost that battle.... </p> <p>So in summary, I would venture to say that imposing a school dress code as you are describing could be a futile attempt. You do want your son to be comfortable and be able to express himself in his clothing choices... and if he is the only kid in the school wearing a collar, he's going to feel really out of place. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360804 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:05:28 +0000 Tessera 360804@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Might as well throw my two cents in - I have two sons, ages almost 9, and 11. Part of my job as a parent is to teach them situation appropriate dressing, along with table manners and how to keep a home. We have always had a dress code and it's never been a problem. When they were in private school, they wore slacks and polo shirts to school and church. Now that they're in a homeschool/charter school situation, they can wear polos or nice tee shirts (meaning with some sort of pattern, usually stripes, but no logos or pictures), and dark wash jeans that are in good shape. (Slacks just don't hold up well to recess.) Hair style is free choice but clean and groomed. They don't have any problems fitting in with peers. In my experience, children are aware that different parents have different rules and they accept this like they accept the weather - with a shrug. My sons know they need to dress one way for "work" (school) and church, another way for sports, and another way for casual playtime, just as my husband and I do.</p> <p>P.S. My 11 year old loves purple. It's hard to find purple clothes for boys! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360803 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:03:10 +0000 mrgn 360803@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I went to school in Florida, which had a dress code similar to this (there's a few exceptions, like we actually could lose short privileges if we misbehaved): <a href="http://www.tulsaschools.org/schools1/dresscode.shtm" rel="nofollow">http://www.tulsaschools.org/sc.....scode.shtm</a></p> <p>Also, our pants, skirts, shorts all had to reach our fingertips with our hands put on our sides. Most dress codes I've seen are surprisingly loose compared to my schooling. The kids at school in most Hollywood movies would have all been sent home for dress code violations if they attended my school district.</p> <p>But my ex-school district has mandatory uniforms now: <a href="http://www.osceola.k12.fl.us/Resources/schooluniforms.asp" rel="nofollow">http://www.osceola.k12.fl.us/R.....iforms.asp</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360802 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:01:22 +0000 wilson 360802@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Not rambling at all Queen Mum! This is exactly what I'm searching out: would it be a futile attempt? I hope you visit this again because I am really curious if they had any criteria they had to abide by that was imposed by you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360801 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 14:58:00 +0000 suzanne 360801@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, my goodness! QM, I would have paid good money to be a fly against the wall on that Christmas Eve. Big smile. (It's so nice to have so many boys in a family - as one of only 2 girls I was stunned when I dated the youngest of 5 brothers, they had such camaraderie and love for each other, but expressed in the most bizarre ways - such fun!) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-want-to-establish-a-dress-code-for-my-child#post-360797 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 14:48:50 +0000 modgrl 360797@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My kids are 3 and 5. I let them pick their clothes every day. The key for me is getting rid of the clothes that I don't like or that aren't seasonally appropriate. Anything they have access to has to be in perfect pristine condition, that way no matter what they choose, they look clean, neat and well groomed. They haven't had a bad day yet. </p> <p>Today is Fancy Friday, my son picked out his favorite dark wash jeans and a light blue button down shirt. My daughter was already dressed in a floral romper when I woke up. Maybe it's not as dressy as the rest of the kids, but she looks pretty, neat and clean, and she was so proud that she got dressed herself. </p>