https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 29 Apr 2026 05:00:48 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen/page/2#post-974501 Tue, 09 Jul 2013 14:15:23 +0000 ironkurtin 974501@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Paying for the bill is a mitzvah.&nbsp; You are chalking up points in heaven. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen/page/2#post-974169 Tue, 09 Jul 2013 02:52:47 +0000 Caro in Oz 974169@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's done I know &amp; I would take a little while to get over something similar but that's okay :)&nbsp;The more I think about this the more I think what you did&nbsp;was right.&nbsp;When I look at the cost of accommodation you have saved over the years &amp; the meals these fantastic cooks have made for you I don't think $450 for five people is a huge&nbsp;amount. You went to the only restaurant they would have enjoyed &amp; so "gave" them something very valuable imo.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen/page/2#post-974150 Tue, 09 Jul 2013 02:34:35 +0000 Mochi 974150@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Suz, tell Mr. Suz hi for me! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen/page/2#post-974147 Tue, 09 Jul 2013 02:34:01 +0000 Mochi 974147@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>heh, rae, I have heard hysterical stories about how Chinese-American dads and uncles will jockey and do all sorts of subterfuge so they can end up with the check. It's not quite that way in Japan. We're usually all pretty equitable when we go out.&nbsp;</p> <p>Actually, we have been giving them money for their groceries, because at the holidays things get really lavish. Of course, I am still sure that they are spending more than what we give them, and we're not being stingy. In addition I bring a housewarming gift which is usually some kind of dessert I made, plus a nice bottle of wine....anyway, it wasn't so much I think we needed to give them something--I just wanted to give them a break from being in the kitchen (though it turns out this is what they really like).&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen/page/2#post-974144 Tue, 09 Jul 2013 02:29:08 +0000 rae 974144@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ah, that does hurt... not just the price, but the fact that you did something you didn't mean to. <i>That</i> is what really gets to me! Big hugs to you and DH. :T</p> <p>FWIW... it sounds like your friends do not ask for grocery money when they cook for you. And if A is as good a cook as you describe, then you easily got your money's worth in food alone over the years - forget the would-be hotel fees. And I don't think they were insensitive. They most likely figured they would help pay, and now they are having a very similar, how-could-you-let-that-happen conversation at home. </p> <p>As a funny&nbsp;aside:&nbsp;I don't know about the Japanese culture too much, but Filipinos and Chinese have made stealing the bill into an art form. It is not uncommon to fight long and hard over the right to pay - and afterward someone might still try to sneak money into your bag on the way out.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-974143 Tue, 09 Jul 2013 02:28:57 +0000 Mochi 974143@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, you all are right. They have been very generous, extremely generous, and this is what made them happy. And we had a good time and ate really well.&nbsp;</p> <p>Mr. Suz has a very good point. I tend to think in terms of food only, because I can take or leave alcohol. Once you start throwing in liquor, whoa that tab's gonna rise. So it would have been less of a gap than I had assumed.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-974011 Tue, 09 Jul 2013 01:03:34 +0000 Isabel 974011@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, I just love what Mr. Suz said !!! &nbsp;</p> <p>I think that the sticker shock really adds to it. &nbsp;We all prioritize "stuff" and experiences. &nbsp;And it is really hard when we feel as if there is runaway train&nbsp;that got away from us...and we just start thinking, "how did that happen" ? &nbsp;But in the end, you didn't pay for a meal. &nbsp;You paid for the happiness of two people that are very important to you. &nbsp;You paid for an experience. &nbsp;And look at it this way, you will never forget it. &nbsp;That is worth something.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973898 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 23:26:27 +0000 Suz 973898@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mr. Suz weighed in on this with the reminder that dinner at the original restaurant could easily have added up to $250 for all....so really, you are not "out" the full amount, but less than half of it. Which makes it seem like a smaller hit.&nbsp;</p> <p>Honestly, I think what you did was right. It was generous, and gracious, and open hearted. And they have treated you well over the years. So...yes.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973888 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 23:17:05 +0000 Raisin 973888@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You didn't let a stupid thing happen. &nbsp;You treated your friends and really showed them how grateful you were for their hospitality.</p> <p>I can totally sympathize with the feeling though. &nbsp;I have a very generous salary, as does DH and we manage our money well. &nbsp;But once I've decided on a budget for something, especially for a trip or vacation related expenses, it can really throw me off is something unexpected and expensive pops up. &nbsp;I need to learn how to relax about it, since it's often a one time thing, but I tend to feel like if I let one thing happen then another and another will and before you know it money will be flying out all doors!! &nbsp;And I often have the guilt of what could I have done with that money, and what would have been <i>better</i>. &nbsp;I am learning to relax about it though, and it sounds like you treated your friends to an amazing time, so good on you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973852 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 22:34:13 +0000 Makrame 973852@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I actually think you came out a winner in the end - you were able to treat your hosts to a really nice meal at a restaurant of their choosing, and that seems like a great way to pay back for their hospitality. &nbsp;Since it was so expensive, you don't have to feel like you would need to do this every time you visit.</p> <p>My problem when I try to do something like that is&nbsp;usually not being able to grab the check in time and then feeling like I wasn't able to accomplish what I initially set out to do. &nbsp;I have also been in situations when I was out with a large group of people (at conferences etc.) and when the check comes, I can see that it is a lot more than some of them were expecting to pay - this feels especially bad if I was the one who suggested a particular restaurant. &nbsp;I think the way your dinner invitation worked out&nbsp;is much better in the long run. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973838 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 22:15:44 +0000 Mochi 973838@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>LOL, Irene! (I regret to say that the only time I have ever gotten food poisoning was at a tapas restaurant in Madrid. But I love Spanish food anyway!)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973788 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 21:42:38 +0000 Irene 973788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, no! I hate to splurge on restaurants, it's one of those things I am mean about. I think restaurants -and especially drinking bars- are way, way, way overpriced.</p> <p>It is also true that a night at a NYC hotel is pretty expensive, and $500 wouldn't cover the amount of nights you have spent at your friend's house. </p> <p>And the meal was nice, right? So you all enjoyed it </p> <p>Just think about it as one more life-experience and something you might tell your grandchildren (or any other kid) about when you are an old graceful lady. I know my parents love to recall that time they went to an overpriced restaurant and had food poisoning. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973749 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 21:17:43 +0000 Anonymous 973749@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm glad you're able to let this go, Mochi.&nbsp; It sounds like they've been extraordinarily generous over the years. &nbsp;(When someone mentions they're coming to town, my first response is always&nbsp;-- I'll help you find a hotel! &nbsp;ha ha ha)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973683 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 20:39:17 +0000 Jules 973683@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You did a really nice thing for your dear&nbsp;friends who have been very gracious to you. I understand it was a splurge but just&nbsp;think - &nbsp;it was truly a treat for them and not just them going along with pizza or whatever so that you could fulfill your guest obligation. They were comfortable enough to express their true want and you were able to provide it (just this once!).<br />Do they like wine or scotch or something? Maybe next time bring a&nbsp;very special&nbsp;bottle&nbsp;to have with one of their meals&nbsp;- since they seem to prefer to stay in anyway. And I&nbsp;think&nbsp;you're off the hook for taking them out for dinner for a while <br />And if they're as lovely as you say - I&nbsp;can imagine that&nbsp;they also regretted how it went down and had a husnad/wife/bill&nbsp;discussion afterwards. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973577 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 18:47:44 +0000 texstyle 973577@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Don't worry about it - it's a minor event in the scope of things and you can just move forward feeling good that you finally were able to treat them for all those other times! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973508 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 17:27:54 +0000 Eliza 973508@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Glad you can let it go. &nbsp;I think that most of us have had a similar experience at some point or other. &nbsp;I definitely would want to reciprocate to my hosts.&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;I hope the meal was enjoyable and perhaps offered an experience you wouldn't have had otherwise. &nbsp;I find as I get older, I can put a variety of splurges in the "if not now, when" or "just this once"&nbsp;category, as long as my fiscal house works.&nbsp;</p> <p>For future trips, I would arrive with a sure to be appreciated gift (as you know them well) that fit in with the budget and&nbsp;made a nice presentation. &nbsp;It takes the pressure off hoping that just the right way to say thank you would arise&nbsp;during the visit itself.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973437 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 16:19:23 +0000 Mochi 973437@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, everyone. I feel a lot better.&nbsp;</p> <p>dianthus and MaryK, you're right, it's my husband's reaction and differing viewpoint&nbsp;that exacerbated my bad feelings about it. I will let go of it.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973421 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 16:09:50 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 973421@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love MaryKs advice.&nbsp; I read into the message that you are almost as much or perhaps more upset by DH's reaction to the situation rather than what happened.&nbsp; Since there is nothing you can do about it now, I hope you find a way to put it away and move forward without letting it taint the memory of a nice vacation with good friends. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973418 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 16:08:41 +0000 Anonymous 973418@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Nancy, ouch.<br /> Here is the silver lining, you know? Given the fact that your friends have had you and your husband over, for several visits now, I think this splurge is much, much less, than paying for weekend stays in NYC. If hubs keeps on giving you a hard time, prorate the cost of that meal over the number of times they have had you over. That's going to be less than $80 per visit, I bet. Given the niceties they offer when you both come, including the fancy home cooked meals, I think that your gesture, although impromptu, is really called for. NYC living is expensive and I bet your friends throw a little more than their usual fare, in terms of food and drinks, when you guys come over.<br /> Don't mull it over. You guys did a very generous thing. Your hosts have been very gracious and deserve it. A night in NYC on a weekend is going to cost you over $150.00 especially on a holiday. You guys are waaaayyy ahead. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973390 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 15:42:20 +0000 Isis 973390@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mochi, you did the right thing. &nbsp;You were generous with friends who have been generous in opening up their home to you for years. &nbsp;</p> <p>I think it comes out even, don't even think any more about it. &nbsp;</p> <p>Good friends are irreplaceable. &nbsp;I'd probably even do the same thing in the future, just budget for it and rationalize that you are not paying for a hotel! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973364 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 15:17:28 +0000 MsMary 973364@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hugs, Mochi!&nbsp; I am all too familiar with that I-screwed-up knot in the pit of the stomach!&nbsp; but you DIDN'T screw up.&nbsp; Everybody in this scenario, including your husband, was an independent actor and things just came together in a way that probably nobody intended.&nbsp; It happens.&nbsp; Let it go.</p> <p>And bust out some Girl Math -- you are still way ahead of the game with all those free overnights in the Big Apple!</p> <p>I would, though, put my foot down about any further chiding from Mr. Mochi.&nbsp; Tell him "mistakes were made all around, I feel awful about it, and I don't need you to make me feel worse." </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973334 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 14:53:24 +0000 Angie 973334@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Generosity IS good Karma! And it IS only money!!</p> <p>Don't give it a second thought, Nancy. Plus, your accommodation was free. You'd easily pay that amount of money in a decent hotel for a night or two. The most important thing is that you had a fab time together because times like that are priceless.xo</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973271 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 13:29:59 +0000 Suz 973271@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ditto what Glory just said. Generosity is good karma.&nbsp;</p> <p>And think of what you saved on those silk shirts, LOL!!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973265 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 13:16:30 +0000 Glory 973265@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You were in a tough position here Mochi! For what it is worth I think you did the correct thing and I am sure they appreciated your generosity. I can see how the whole thing would nag at you. I would chalk it up to an adventure with some lessons attached. You are a wonderful friend and this was all from the heart! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973264 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 13:15:20 +0000 Mochi 973264@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Also, karie, my husband would not have supported me in plowing ahead with a restaurant of my choosing.&nbsp;</p> <p>So really, I will just not take them out next time. And have to explicitly discuss this with hubs in the case of anyone else outside my family (though I doubt I would be extending this kind of offer to others who haven't treated us so well over the years).&nbsp;</p> <p>Complicated.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973261 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 13:08:01 +0000 Karie 973261@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Chalk it up to a lesson learned and don't get torn up about it.&nbsp;If you had to pay for hotel rooms over the years, it would have been a lot more. Next time, insist on the place you've picked out ahead of time. Say, "We want to take you to this Perivuan restaurant," and when they suggest some place else, say, "Maybe next time, but this time I would like to go here. I'm interested in trying this cuisine." Or, when they suggest some place else, go online and check out the menu and prices ahead of time. If it's too expensive, just be honest and tell them it's out of your price range and suggest something else (saving for a home improvement expense, etc.). If they're good friends, they'll understand.</p> <p>I find that having a plan for next time helps me get over my guffaws. It's all goodie </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973257 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 13:05:40 +0000 Mochi 973257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>missvee, that is kind of how I'd normally plan it next time. But the wife, A, is very controlling (I don't mean it in a bad way) about her kitchen and they kept talking also about how nowadays they don't like to eat out, they eat so much better at home, etc, etc. So this restaurant was the only place where they really wanted to eat. I know they didn't mean to take advantage of us, but were simply expressing their desires in the face of an offer from their guests.&nbsp;</p> <p>It's interesting, because in a way there are Japanese cultural aspects involved (or at least inter-cultural issues), but I think that in a way, they behaved in a very NON-Japanese fashion. So I ended up being caught completely unprepared.&nbsp; </p> <p>And note the bad communication between hubby and me: "You don't have to do that," is extremely vague. You'd think I'd know better after 25 years of marriage, but my context is still based on what I'd think my family and American friends would be doing.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973249 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 12:58:26 +0000 missvee 973249@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well you were in a tricky situation given that you were staying with them and felt an obligation to try to please them. You couldn't really force them to accept takeout or another restaurant so all in all I think you made the best of it. It IS only money. My husband always says you can make more money but you can't make more time. You gave them a lovely treat here and I'm sure they appreciated it. And that's what you intended to do, right?<br /> Another time you might handle things differently and say ' don't cook tonight, we're bringing dinner' and then you could show up with whatever takeout food you liked. Live and learn...:-) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973247 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 12:57:28 +0000 Kristin L 973247@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry Mochi! I've in a similar&nbsp;situation once, when my BF's parents paid for my hotel room for a wedding&nbsp;and wouldn't let me at least contribute.&nbsp;Would it be possible for you to send them a nice gift and thank them again for the trip? For the hotel room, I sent them a big bouquet and thanked them again.&nbsp;</p> <p>Please don't beat yourself up. Life is hard enough with us trying to make it more difficult.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-let-a-stupid-thing-happen#post-973233 Mon, 08 Jul 2013 12:50:38 +0000 Mochi 973233@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Suz, the trip was great. It's an entirely specific issue. </p> <p>I guess I usually have these chalk-it-up-to-experience moments with people I don't know well, not with long-term friends. </p>