https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 09:06:12 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080279 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 00:33:15 +0000 Anonymous 1080279@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@ Mochi: I'm glad you can have some form of pleasant interaction with these people. Maybe the woman lacks proper etiquette skills--the skills that were designed to make the world a more pleasant place to live.</p> <p>@ ironcurtain: I'm not miserable, nor do I fret, if someone's not thankful for something I've done for them. I firmly believe that people who are not thankful for what they have or for what others do for them are miserable. For me, being a good person involves expressing thanks and training my children to express thanks. And yes, that involves&nbsp;either accepting a gift you don't want (and thanking the giver for it anyway, of course)&nbsp;or thanking the person and politely declining the gift. You know the children's song: "Please and thank you are the magic words." The problem is that not everyone learned that in Kindergarten 101. Some didn't even learn how to get along on the playground. I have to deal with rude adults like that on a regular basis... people who are really children who never grew into mature adults.</p> <p>While my parents were big on manners, the one thing they didn't do was make me respect my elders. They said respect has to be earned, and that someone doesn't deserve respect just because of age. I was told to question everything and to seek the facts. Also, not to state something as truth if I wasn't 100% sure it was true. This upbringing was in stark contrast to other people in my parents' generation. (My parents&nbsp;married in 1938 when my dad was 20 and my mom was 18; they were married for 66 years, until my dad passed away).</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080274 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 00:14:33 +0000 Mochi 1080274@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's so messed up how we are often raised to not just do things based on our own desires (and on smooth transaction between giver and receiver, either). There are cultures where you would have been expected to accept something if you didn't even want it! And there are family and regional expectations. So unfair to make a child have to play and expected part to&nbsp;navigate such a loaded issue. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080269 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 00:09:31 +0000 Traci 1080269@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think you're right, that my coworker scenario is very different from what you have here. I think some of the other comments in the thread sort of triggered those memories for me. Sorry for the divergence.</p> <p>Oh and I didn't comment on the car thing earlier, but I find the husband's behavior completely messed up. I have no excuses at all.</p> <p>I think the whole etiquette and breeding issues are probably a personally sore spot for me because I find them almost impossible to navigate. As a young child I was at a relative's house who offered me some of her cast off make up. I happily took it to be told by my mother in the car that it was appalling that I accepted. Many times through my life she commented on the rudeness of people accepting things they were offered. She had some weird saying about a polite person offering to give and a polite recipient refusing to accept. I think that's probably when I threw up my hands with navigating this manners thing. There was also some weird comment about being a good southerner thrown in for good measure.</p> <p>Clearly I have issues here. Sorry for the side track. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080261 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 00:01:29 +0000 Mochi 1080261@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Traci, interesting points, but you do realize that if a gesture wasn't received the way you thought it would be, it could either be issues with&nbsp;1. the gesture-giver or 2. the gesture-receiver, right?&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080259 Sat, 09 Nov 2013 23:59:19 +0000 Mochi 1080259@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>By the way, we had dinner with them last night. It was a very nice evening. They were lovely, fun guests (it was just the two of them), she brought a salad as requested, etc etc. I asked her again if she really wanted the weights, and she said she did and that her sons would come by to get them.&nbsp;</p> <p>I think that for her, it's just a communication style issue? And the car thing--I don't know. I'm not going to think too hard on it again. But in the future I would set out some guidelines in the very beginning: please fill the tank up, etc. I'm not sure I would even lend out the car again like that.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080257 Sat, 09 Nov 2013 23:56:05 +0000 Mochi 1080257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmm. Well.&nbsp;</p> <p>I am getting Traci's point, but not seeing how it's applicable in this particular case. What I would expect if this woman didn't want the offering (and she did) was to say, "Thanks (you still say thanks), but we don't have any room," or "Thanks for the kind offer, but we're good," etc etc...Anything else is passive-aggressive--at least in my book. You have a particular issue with a co-worker who's keeping an account of favors--that's a very specific case, and I don't have an answer for that situation. But this is really not that situation at all.&nbsp;</p> <p>Ironkurtin, I'm sure you're right. At the same time, it's kind of sad to never expect anything from anyone, either.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080250 Sat, 09 Nov 2013 23:41:33 +0000 ironkurtin 1080250@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think expecting people to have the manners you think they should is a sure route to making yourself miserable. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080203 Sat, 09 Nov 2013 22:20:54 +0000 Anonymous 1080203@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>True, and I think a person's tone of voice, choice of words, etc. can help determine whether or not the thank you is sincere. Many times, actions speak louder than words. Still, saying thank you is one of many things well-bred people do to show appreciation. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080191 Sat, 09 Nov 2013 22:02:45 +0000 Traci 1080191@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>For me it's not about how hard it is to say thank you, it is about authenticity over etiquette in relationships with people I consider friends. I don't want a polite thank you. I want to know how my gesture was truly received so I know how to show this person meaningful affection in the future. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080119 Sat, 09 Nov 2013 20:20:06 +0000 Anonymous 1080119@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Is it really that difficult for people to remember to utter 2 simple words, "thank you," to express at least a tad of gratitude, even if only for the kind gesture, and even if the gift is neither needed nor appreciated? I was always taught that it's the thought that counts. Mochi was being kind and generous, as she always is, and shouldn't feel petty in feeling like her offer wasn't appreciated. The least this lady could have done was say, "Thanks, Mochi. It's so kind of you to offer, but no thanks. We really don't have a need for them." And if she expected her children to do the thanking, she should have made them do it right away. That's what I make my DDs do--even the grown ones. I don't care if they think it's passe to send thank you cards or not. I don't care if they think the giver should assume they appreciate the gift and/or the thought. Thanks are always in order, even if it's someone who's not really doing you a favor, and even if it's someone who expects something in return. That's the way I was raised, and I believe proper etiquette should still be practiced in this day and age.</p> <p>Off my soapbox now... Ducking for cover in case flames are thrown my way... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1080043 Sat, 09 Nov 2013 16:48:04 +0000 Traci 1080043@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I tend to prefer relationships that are reciprocal and I would trade in 100 "thank yous" for knowing that I had someone who would come to my aid in the future because we've developed a give and take.</p> <p>In this particular case these are weights that you no longer have use for. &nbsp;Is it easier to have them come pick them up from &nbsp;you than it is to run them to goodwill. &nbsp;Are they in essence doing you an equal favor by taking them off your hands?</p> <p>I have been in situations where someone thought they were helping me but they were really giving me an extra task to attend to and in those cases I really didn't feel particularly grateful and didn't thank them. &nbsp;I can think of an instance where a co-worker was opening doors for me when my hands were full, except if he'd asked he would have found out that I'd prepared to open the doors myself and his fumbling actually slowed me down while carrying a heavy burden. &nbsp;He was miffed that I didn't thank him effusively for his help, which wasn't really help. &nbsp;This coworker had a tendency to do unrequested "favors" and then want to cash them in later. &nbsp;I really didn't find the need to thank him because I knew I'd be expected to repay when he decided he wanted something I had. &nbsp;He wasn't really giving freely, he mentally filing away debts for me to owe him. &nbsp;I finally learned to rebuff him so as not to enter into this weird contract of expectations he was setting up between us.</p> <p>I find these types of situations are often no win if you are trying to please everyone. &nbsp;She may indeed not be feeling grateful, but instead is rather worried about how she will manage another item in a household full of people. &nbsp;She may think she's being polite by not refusing your offer.</p> <p>The question I ask myself in similar situations is "Did I make the offer out of an expectation to get something back? &nbsp;or because I wanted to do/get rid of something?" &nbsp;I don't think you'll get much of a sincere "thank you" from Goodwill either. &nbsp;So what are you losing by giving the weights to these kids? &nbsp;</p> <p>One final thought I had...Maybe since the gift is for the kids she is expecting them to be the ones to express gratitude? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1079529 Fri, 08 Nov 2013 23:15:22 +0000 Isabel 1079529@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mochi, that car story is really nuts. I think that real problem here is that they have no awareness of your thoughtfulness. &nbsp;It makes it seem as if what you do is just another "thing" to check off your list and not something that you are doing with them in mind.</p> <p>People can be very charming and fun. &nbsp;Like in the times you guys have spent time together and enjoyed it. &nbsp;They can be nice. &nbsp;But that doesn't go hand and hand with appreciating your friendship. &nbsp;I think that we often confuse "enjoying" a relationship and "appreciating it".</p> <p>Hang in there. &nbsp;ANd I too thought it said pretty. &nbsp;You are.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1079173 Fri, 08 Nov 2013 18:08:19 +0000 ironkurtin 1079173@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really like that philosophy, Sona. It sounds terribly difficult, yet very freeing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1078237 Thu, 07 Nov 2013 21:52:02 +0000 Mochi 1078237@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No, not offended at all, Sona, but rather deeply appreciative and honored by the incredible insights this initial angst (over a minor matter) has engendered. I'm awed, in fact.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1078122 Thu, 07 Nov 2013 20:14:16 +0000 Sona 1078122@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mochi: I just want to give you huge hugs.I have been in your situation in the sense that when we are emotional &nbsp;we are more likely to "take things to heart"</p> <p>Just to share with you:<br />It is so hard to follow the path that my religion teaches us: to do our duty, do our seva (good works) without any expectations and not even feeling a sense of "greatness" when doing these things. This is the reason Hindus believe in rebirth. We are not free from the cycle of life and death until we achieve that.</p> <p>Let me just say I will have 25 lives or more!</p> <p>In all seriousness I saw my Dad achieve this in his lifetime. Towards the end of his life he heard something about his sisters " bitching" anout him.&nbsp;He managed all their finances ( he was a money wizard) at that time. My mom said he should stop &nbsp;helping his sisters&nbsp;immediately and he just smiled. He did his seva without a second thought: knowing it was right and his duty.</p> <p>I sometimes think of this example of his and try to let it go.</p> <p>Truly it is your karma (good deeds, good thoughts) that are yours and yours alone. let the lady be.She is responsible for her life, her karma.</p> <p>Love you lots and hopefully you are not offended by anything in my post: it was meant to be therapeutic. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1077627 Thu, 07 Nov 2013 12:50:55 +0000 Anonymous 1077627@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mochi, I've lived long enough to know that certain things are true: Leopards don't change their spots. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Some people are thankful for what they receive; others are not.</p> <p>If I chose to give to such individuals (and I have), I'd do so without expecting them to reciprocate, express gratitude, or change their behavior in any way.</p> <p>That said, I would not feel a sense of moral obligation or duty to help them, either. Especially when, as someone else rightly pointed out, the weights don't fill a genuine need. It's not the same as shelter, clothing, food,&nbsp;or health care.&nbsp;Maybe the weights&nbsp;could instead be donated to a local gym or something. Just a thought...</p> <p>About leaving things by the curb: Some of my neighbors complained about some items I left by the curb, and I received a call from the HOA president about it. They were items that were left there for a local charity organization to come pick up, which they did. Needless to say, I no longer leave items by the curb. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1077489 Thu, 07 Nov 2013 05:50:28 +0000 elpgal 1077489@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mochi, when I want some stuff gone, I set it out in the alley (if I am advertising to near by neighbors) or on the curb ( if I am posting to the neighborhood list serve) and the stuff is gone within a day. Several times, I get some baked goods or a Starbucks card in return and I don't have to bother setting up a time or get personally vested in discarding stuff. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1077419 Thu, 07 Nov 2013 04:16:08 +0000 Mary Beth (formerly LBD) 1077419@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think you are a doll, to think of your neighbor's kids! &nbsp;&nbsp; And I totally see where you are coming from. &nbsp; I think you should set some boundaries.&nbsp; </p> <p>But keep this in mind...&nbsp; </p> <p>These aren't 'awwww poor kids having to do without'.&nbsp; &nbsp; Free weights, or a shelf, or whatever stuff you might want to give away, is a generous gesture, bt is not vital to a happy upbringing or a good quality of life for a child or teenager.&nbsp; Genuinely poor kids don't have nutritious food, or adequate clothing, or shelter, or caring family members who take a vital and lively interest in the lives and activities of their children.</p> <p>So if you decide to put some distance between you and your neighbors, please <u>please please don't feel guilty</u> that these kids are 'missing out' on some free goodies.&nbsp; It's just stuff.&nbsp; What is more important is that you care for yourself, and your family, and that you have good feelings and positive energy in your life!</p> <p>Hand over the weights with a smile - at your convenience - and be glad in your heart that you got rid of some clutter out of your home.&nbsp;&nbsp; Enjoy your time with these folks, enjoy their company for what it is, and don't expect more from them than you know they are realistically going to give you.</p> <p>If you accept the relationships for what they are, you won't be disappointed, or feel used. </p> <p>And for the record, I don't think any of this is petty.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/3#post-1077116 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 23:32:03 +0000 Anonymous 1077116@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>^<br /> Sound like a plan to me. Stuff like this is always a good introspection point. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1077105 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 23:25:03 +0000 Mochi 1077105@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow. I was out most of the day, and came back to quite the interesting discussion! Thanks to everyone for their two cents.&nbsp;</p> <p>To bring it back down to the original situation, I am puzzled and bothered by all this specifically because the incidents (the gas tank incident in particular) are not part of a pattern of behavior from these people. We have been good friends (maybe not having so much contact these past six months) for close to two years. Their young daughter feeds our cat when we go away for the weekend, so they hold onto our house key. They're nice people. I think there's just this brusqueness in the case of the woman's written communication...and as for the husband, it's just weird. I am guessing that there are people with lots of kids who lose perspective...and because they are careful with their money, he just thought he should be reimbursed? I mean, it's so obvious to all of us here how wrong this is, but I don't know. I will not put more mental energy into it.&nbsp;</p> <p>However, I think that because it happened once (I mean the husband incident) I will certainly keep that on file in my memory, meaning that I will be prepared for it to happen again, and set some rules or otherwise avoid having a similar situation occur.&nbsp;</p> <p>I think there's a lot of excellent and heartfelt thoughts and advice expressed here. Thanks for taking the time to write! I will see if there's anything I want to personally respond to later.&nbsp;</p> <p>Oh, and the couple is coming for dinner on Friday. I'll reassess if we're keeping our friendship from that. Not that I expect anything unpleasant by any means, but it might have been a short-term thing anyway. We haven't been seeing them as much.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1077056 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 22:54:37 +0000 ironkurtin 1077056@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Not that I am a saint or anything, but when I give, I do it for the joy of giving and not for thanks. It has removed a lot of psychic burden on me. Expect people to be jerks - then if they are, you're not fussed, and if they're not, it's a pleasant surprise. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1077050 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 22:50:44 +0000 Janet 1077050@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh wow, I missed all this. ;-)</p> <p>Nancy, you've already gotten lots of good feedback and advice, but I am with Alicat. You are a sweet and generous person and it irks you when people don't treat you the way you treat them. I get it. </p> <p>On the other hand. I fear that I've had times when I've been curt or distant or not as appreciative as I should be because I am preoccupied, introverted, and by nature a little reserved (although you wouldn't know it by my posts here). </p> <p>But one of my worst fears is *imposing* on other people. I would * HATE* to borrow someone's car and would be doing backflips to pay someone back for that generosity. A friend once rescued me by changing out a flat tire 5 miles from his house and I bought him a case of his favorite beer. Conversely, I would be really, really reluctant to lend something as big as a car to anyone I wasn't related to. So I think your frustration with that situation was totally warranted. </p> <p>I don't know exactly what I'm getting at here. Just sympathizing really. You are not petty. But you are pretty.</p> <p>:-) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1077019 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 22:07:28 +0000 Irene 1077019@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Uh, there's people and then there's <i>people</i>. </p> <p>In my former office, I made two very small gifts to two different colleagues. </p> <p>#1 Loved green, and one day I was buying some really cheap pens at a store and got her a green one. <i></i>It was a really silly present, but she really appreciated, she took it as a sign that I had thought about her. She thought 'this person is nice' and thanked me a couple of times.</p> <p>#2 was mean all over, but for some reason I tried to make him like me until I decided he was not worth my time. Back in the day when I was trying to be nice, we got a Nespresso machine at the office and free coffee capsules. However, this guy couldn't have caffeine, and he was always complaining how he couldn't use the machine like we did. So one day, I brought a decaf capsule from my own house and gave it to him. 'So that you can have coffe here', I smiled. He said 'Ok, I'll use it at home, with my own Nespresso machine'. No thank you, no smile. See, that was when I decided I would stop trying. </p> <p>Just don't be bothered. Some people take niceness for granted, although maybe your neighbor just didn't realize she hadn't said 'thanks'. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1077017 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 22:04:37 +0000 Mo 1077017@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ah, I remember Maya Angelou reciting "I know Why&nbsp;the caged bird sings" for us&nbsp;in a creative writing class I took&nbsp;in the late 80's or maybe '90. &nbsp;Had no idea who she was at the time. &nbsp;Took me a decade to put two and two together lol.<br />&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1077000 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 21:52:08 +0000 Anonymous 1077000@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Umm, welfare, politics, the working poor, parasitic relationships, Maya Angelou... I'm taking the fifth in all but Maya Angelou, she is a thing of beauty.<br /> Good stuff, good stuff... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1076954 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 21:02:44 +0000 Anonymous 1076954@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><div></div><div></div><div><div>QUOTE from Alicat:</p> <p><div></div><div><i>I would give them the weights, offer the CD rack, and toast my spectacular generosity with my favorite cocktail. To paraphrase Rev. Run, how you act is your karma; how they react is theirs. <br /> </i></div></div></div><div><div> </p> <p><i><b>But I'd also remember what Maya Angelou says: When people show you who they are, believe them, the first time. </b> </i></p> <p><i>I'm sorry you're having a tough week, Mochi. You are very pretty.</i></p> <p><i></i>I agree, Suz.&nbsp;Especially&nbsp;the&nbsp;Maya Angelou quote, which refers to&nbsp;a person's behavioral&nbsp;patterns. It's one of those "walks like a duck, looks like duck" things.&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><a href="http://www.ehow.com/print/info_8444017_signs-moocher.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.ehow.com/print/info.....ocher.html</a></p> <p><div></div></div></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1076947 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 20:56:30 +0000 Suz 1076947@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My heavens. I am late to this thread, and I hope you are feeling better, Nancy. I simply want to echo everything Alicat said, right down to the "pretty." </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1076869 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 19:47:21 +0000 Anonymous 1076869@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a moderate view on this subject, which is why I'm politically neither right-wing conservative nor left-wing liberal. Like I said, I try to be a good steward of what God has blessed me with. That's just being smart, I think. Also, I've been personally blasted for my viewpoint, which I think is every bit as valid as everyone else's. I also posted that I think Mochi should help the chidren if she wants to. I just don't think the parents should be helped if Mochi feels they don't appreciate it. Only she can determine if they do or not, and it's her call to make. </p> <p>My point is that some relationships are parasitic.&nbsp;In a healthy relationship,&nbsp;people take turns doing favors for each other whenever one person needs a little help. In a parasitic relationship, one person is always doing favors for the other and getting nothing in return. If you find that you're giving&nbsp;someone rides everywhere, cooking all the meals or picking them up, running errands for him, and basically taking care of all the little things he or she is too lazy to do, then you may be infected by a parasite.</p> <p><a href="http://completewellbeing.com/article/friends-always-in-need/" rel="nofollow">http://completewellbeing.com/a.....s-in-need/</a></p> <p>IMO, unless someone is physically or mentally incapable of expressing gratitude in some way, a pattern of parasitic behavior would give me reason to evaluate whether or not I should continue helping this person. I wouldn't base my decision on an isolated incident. Also, I know some people don't know how to communicate effectively via email. My oldest sister is a perfect example of this. She's a wonderful, warm-hearted individual who for the longest time (until I pointed it out to her) wasn't aware that using all caps in an email is the equivalent of shouting. She no longer uses all caps, lol. :)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1076863 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 19:43:12 +0000 MsMary 1076863@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>...backs away from the political discussion... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-know-im-petty-but-advice/page/2#post-1076849 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 19:37:26 +0000 Anonymous 1076849@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><i>Gah! See, I think the kids with the worst parents are the ones who need help the most! </i></p> <p><i><br /> <div></div></i></p> <p>Even if the clothes generously given to them to wear end up in the mud? I think not. Yes, by all means, help the kids if you can. Some people just can't be helped. That's why welfare laws had to be changed. Recipients no longer receive checks from the gov't to stay home and not work. Those eligible receive Section 8 housing rental assistance (I know because my DH and I rent to Section 8 tenants) and are expected to work and pay for a portion of their rent; the gov't pays for most of it. These are the working poor. They work, but do not earn enough to&nbsp;make ends meet without receiving&nbsp;gov't assistance. These people do&nbsp;receive $ to feed the children who are in their care. That $ goes away when the kids become adults. They do not receive "welfare checks" to stay home and be lazy like they did back when I was growing up. (I grew up before welfare reform, and know how it was.) Yes, I know how this works. This is why I'm neither an "everybody for himself" Republican or a "give everyone $ no matter what" Democrat. I'm an Independent, and believe people should support themselves inasmuch as possible and only receive the help they genuinely need.</p> <p>My parents taught me not to depend on the government for anything. They said if I wanted something, I needed to work for it. The problem is when those of us who work are expected to pay to help those who don't want to work. I'm not referring to those who, through no fault of their own, find themselves in dire need of financial aid. I'm referring to the deadbeats among us who have this sense of entitlement that&nbsp;responsible people don't have.</p>