YouLookFab Forum » Topic: I feel attacked

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: I feel attacked https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 10 Apr 2026 07:47:32 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Janet on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288391 Thu, 27 Oct 2022 16:16:14 +0000 Janet 2288391@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Helena, you nailed it IMHO. Helena on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288369 Thu, 27 Oct 2022 12:50:04 +0000 Helena 2288369@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sorry I keep chiming in, but I keep catching up on everyone's thoughts and then having new thoughts about it pop into my head! From taking more of this particular IG, she has a lot of body positivity, pro-woman energy. So I wonder if her dig at 'middle age' is more a dig at a stereotype about middle age vs. actually being middle age. Remember the infamous "mom jeans" skit from Saturday Night Live? They were not insulting being a mom - they were taking the p!ss out of the stereotype that being a mom by definition means cutting your hair a certain way and wearing certain clothes that are considered frumpy and off-trend (the irony of mom jeans being trendy right now is not lost on me!).  I think when I heard her having a go at 'middle-age', I wasn't offended because I subconsciously interpreted it as taking aim at a stereotype -  that being 'of a certain age' necessarily means getting into a rut or wearing what we've always worn, rather than giving what's new and now a go - not about the age per se. Now obviously that leads right back into the whole discussion about whether staying on-trend is important, which I think we generally agree is a matter of personal choice! Or a discussion about whether they *way* she said it was appropriate (which arguably it wasn't given that it didn't land well with many!) But fwiw, I think Charly may be trying to say that the trendy road needn't close when we hit 45. Just another 2 cents, which if we're tallying I'm probably in the hole about 100 bucks by now lol! gryffin on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288365 Thu, 27 Oct 2022 12:33:10 +0000 gryffin 2288365@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think we really all need to remember is that bloggers have an agenda.  Most have relationships and get kick back from purchases.  If they didn't make us ashamed and feeling like we were frumpy and needed "new" stuff then how would they earn their keep?  I do think as women we get sucked into the attitude that we are never "good enough" as we are.  Not fit enough, not pretty enough, not "youthful" enough, not smart enough, not organized enough, not doing enough, please fill in more blanks at nauseum.  But that's honestly a sham.  We are "enough" just as we are.  Unless we feel a lack, a fatigue, a desire, a boredom or a sea change is necessary, then we and our wardrobes, our lives etc - we they are enough!!!  So I think we should recognize that this is a bloggers livelihood to make us purchase, we should respect the agenda, but also realize they are not disinterested parties.  Since I'm almost always swimming against the flow, as at 63 I sit here in my new mini skirt and knee boots, enjoying my new skinny jeans, still rocking my skirted leggings, wearing hugely oversized sweaters and leggings and long jackets, bodysuits, if it's fringe or out it's probably in general rotation.  So I can't say I don't feel the sting when I read things like that but to misquote a favorite character, Amelia Peabody, of the Crocodile on the Sandbank series,  Pepper is the spice of life.  It makes it interesting even if it sometimes burn or is too caustic.   Mary Beth (formerly LBD) on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288359 Thu, 27 Oct 2022 12:09:13 +0000 Mary Beth (formerly LBD) 2288359@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ As someone who pops into thrift stores on a bi-weekly basis… 1) I never see maroon/berry/wine coats , blazers, jackets, or top layers donated.  I do see faded olive drabs, and faded black.  People love those wine colors and hang onto those. 2). I thought CG was amusing, but now I feel this person can eat a big bag of (choose your favorite adjective/noun combo HERE) for shaming people about middle-age, as if it is something hideous, and not a phase of life +wisdom+experience that we’re all incredibly fortunate to reach.   <div> </div><div>If I see that post on her IG, I’m going to call her out.  <div> </div><div> </div></div> Star (Lise) on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288335 Thu, 27 Oct 2022 06:56:26 +0000 Star (Lise) 2288335@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Catherine I have this mental picture of all thrift stores overflowing with maroon puffers soon!  Thereafter to landfill.  My final comment on this is to say I also like a good laugh, and I found the post Janet shared recently about applying barely there make-up in middle age really funny, but this comment does not make me smile at all.  As Suz noted this comment is flat-out ageist in a way that I don't find funny either.  Is it so bad to look like a middle age woman?   catherine on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288330 Thu, 27 Oct 2022 06:23:05 +0000 catherine 2288330@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I can take a joke as well as anyone, and have often been told that I’m funny! I am struck by the great privilege implied in being able to donate a warm coat because the color is…old? So, so interesting. Reading the fascinating replies, and many thanks. Irina on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288278 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 22:54:42 +0000 Irina 2288278@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, man, it went too far. Definitely, just a falafel for me. <div>When it comes to puffers, there are two main approaches (for a mature woman): youthful or figure flattering. Fitted, belted puffer looks very far from fashionable, forgive me for saying. But it doesn’t add bulk and probably warmer. We, the MAW (middle age women) do not need any help in adding extra inches to our bodies. But if you are like me, you might want to pretend you don’t care about it and wear a straight cut puffer, extra bulk be damned. </div> SarahD8 on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288275 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 21:58:32 +0000 SarahD8 2288275@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Suz, I think too that fashion/clothing is so often an arena for defining social hierarchies especially in our younger years. Many of us have had experiences of showing up in the "wrong" thing that we didn't realize was wrong. (Or alternatively, being painfully aware that it was wrong and having to show up in it anyway.) It's easy for style snark to hit a tender spot (of course, I've indulged in it from time to time myself, so not casting stones here!) It's all just falafel, but, you know, it's not just falafel. Suz on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288263 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 21:04:18 +0000 Suz 2288263@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Maybe this thread isn't about fashion or fashion advice at all -- it's about humour, and what we find funny, and how that differs depending on personality but also cultural context and factors like our own age, race, social class, education.  Some people love a bit of snark.  Others cringe at it.  Some love it in some contexts (say, fashion) but not in other contexts (say, politics). Or vice versa.  Horses for courses, as Angie would say.  For me, it's a bit of both. I often laugh out loud at comments like this. Not this particular one, because I still think it was ageist in a way I just don't find amusing -- what Peri said, basically. (Thanks, Peri). Still, it's hilarious when someone says something you've secretly or even unconsciously been feeling for a long time.  And they've put it into words? It might not be polite. But it's provoking and energizing.  Helena on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288260 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 20:42:27 +0000 Helena 2288260@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Argh noooooo hahaha!!! *slaps forehead* Jules, NOT my intention! I love sage; please wear it with joy whichever shade it is!! FWIW I wear and love blush regardless of whether it's in, out, up or down :D And I am hoping to find a puffer with some kind of shape to it for sure - if not a belt then at least something to balance the puffiness. Jules on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/4#post-2288257 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 20:32:00 +0000 Jules 2288257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Well thanks Helena, now I’m worried about whether my new quilted puffer is sage or some kind of light khaki ;) (Not actually worried, but the colour has been a source of some internal debate since I brought it home Sunday as it appeared sage green in the store but light khaki in my house…) I personally realized last year I think that the fitted, ‘flattering’ puffer, perhaps with clever diagonal lines placed just so was perhaps my version of her burgundy puffer - no longer on trend but still what I was looking for as I just don’t love the sleeping bag style - definitely something I would choose as a loud, proud middle aged women and that my teen kids would definitely reject! My new diamond quilted one still isn’t what the kids are wearing and that’s fine Helena on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288249 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 19:49:14 +0000 Helena 2288249@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenni, fwiw - it didn't come across to me that anyone was being callous regarding her health - the criticisms of her words seem to be based on her words alone, which it totally fair! Like most opinionated people, which I think Charly would agree she is, she's not going to be for everyone. (I also get though why those of us aware of her health are admiring of her 'keep calm and carry on' attitude).  I personally think this is a great and interesting discussion. Again just my thoughts, not claiming to speak for the group :) Rachy, same! I tried on that burgundy coat the other day that I theoretically really liked but it just didn't *feel* right, so it was helpful for me to get her unfiltered assessment of the situation.  Maybe "either go neutral, or go colour but don't go colour-that's-sort-of-neutral" is the vibe-du-jour she's getting at? Which sort of makes sense trend-wise as we've had an extended period of blush and sage and softness reigning supreme ... *ponders* Jenni NZ on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288238 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 18:11:13 +0000 Jenni NZ 2288238@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I would like to point out that no-one here who just read this thread alone without knowing anything about her or following her knew that she had had cancer or a recurrence of cancer. The comments were being taken on the photos on this thread only. rachylou on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288233 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 17:59:31 +0000 rachylou 2288233@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ok. I just have to come back and say my maroon puffer, if I still have it, is in the basement because there was something off about it, I felt. Like I was trying to shake things up and so went maroon, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t sharp. I don’t know about middle aged, but it felt lacking. If I’d have done something like monochrome maroon outfits, that probably would have fixed it, but can’t do that every day. Never did have maroon shoes… Synne on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288230 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 17:37:54 +0000 Synne 2288230@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So many great insights here. I appreciate all of your thoughts, thank you for sharing! I tried answering some of you personally up thread, but this thread blew up (internet speak) and I guess I'm lazy.... Just to be clear about it, I am NEVER giving up my maroon parka. I just found it amusing that the style carries connotations I had no idea about. The term middle-aged meant in a derogatory manner didn't phase me much. And that may speak numbers about me. I am not afraid of aging. But I do care about looking stylish. Lazy and vain. There you have me Gaylene on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288228 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 17:33:33 +0000 Gaylene 2288228@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Whoa, I’ve just found this thread and was delighted to have something fun to read with my morning coffee. Since I’m in my mid -seventies, I think I NEED a purple puffer if it makes me look like I’m back in my late thirties (MIDDLE-AGED—Yes!!) I actually find the Charlys and Amys to be a lot of fun because of their opinionated, unabashed views—puts fashion in the right context: Pick what works, ignore what doesn’t, and never take it too seriously.  Cardiff girl on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288222 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 17:13:52 +0000 Cardiff girl 2288222@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Throw out your burgundy puffers thus guaranteeing that they will be the hottest of trends  next year and you will wish you hadn’t!Fashion is cyclical. Jonesy on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288220 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 17:10:25 +0000 Jonesy 2288220@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ @LaPed: I'm thinking the purple backlash can all be traced back to this friendly fellow :).  LaPed on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288219 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 17:02:16 +0000 LaPed 2288219@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Okay, wait, weren't there like a bazillion purple/maroon coats at the Biden inauguration and it was supposed to symbolize bipartisanship? Is that where the "middle-aged" association is coming from? Of course Amanda Gorman, who is decidedly not middle-aged, was in yellow, which is very much the opposite of purple on the color wheel... I'm getting carried away here, aren't I? :)  Star (Lise) on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288212 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 16:19:10 +0000 Star (Lise) 2288212@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Janet Maybe you missed the text on pic 2 that Synne posted - 'The maroon parka - the hallmark of middle age - please donate that - I beg you.'  I am not offended, but I stand by my first comment.   Synne on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288211 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 16:09:33 +0000 Synne 2288211@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I guess this is what it all boils down to: fashion is by definition exclusive. You're either in or out. We can loathe it or dig it. I am somewhere in the middle. I still don't feel bad about finding fashion and trends interesting though. cat2 on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288208 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 16:00:53 +0000 cat2 2288208@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think we should recognize some of us value fashion over personal style and some of us don’t. The fashion view is harsh about anyone who doesn’t slavishly follow it, and is endlessly ageist and classist. If you want to follow those posters, great. But just don’t assume everyone does or should share your appreciation for them. Janet on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288201 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 15:43:30 +0000 Janet 2288201@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Kat, I agree, it's a gift indeed to have the time and luxury on this earth to see old age. I had friends who were denied that gift, and I appreciate every day because of it.  I didn't see anything in that post that said "this makes you look old" and I really don't get the ageist thing in this case, even though I'm pretty aware of ageism in general. We can choose to be offended, or laugh. I just can't feel offended by the tongue-in-cheek opinion of a fashion blogger who is undergoing treatment for cancer. Just my two cents.   Kat on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288199 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 15:37:57 +0000 Kat 2288199@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/  noting that she survived tongue cancer at an early age (23yo) from what I read, and has had a recurrence of cancer found over this past summer and with limited treatment options. I believe she has a young family as well. In that context, I'm wondering about the perspective evidently put forward on "aging" clothing, when in reality, the opportunity for aging can be quite a gift, no? Peri on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288186 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 15:12:28 +0000 Peri 2288186@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ The thing I always go back to is that no one ever says "ugh, don't wear that, it makes you look 10 years younger." Or "omg, you should buy that, it is soooo old lady!"  Just because she is supposedly being funny doesn't mean it isn't the knee jerk attitude that looking over 40 is to be avoided. Since I don't follow or know her at all the kindest thing I can think about it is that this attitude is so pervasive she probably didn't even notice she was doing it. Doesn't make it kind and respectful though, it just makes her someone who doesn't think hard about what she puts out. Since put it out, she does, her words and thoughts are subject to review. She can say what she wants but I don't have to admire her.  Anonymous on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288125 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 11:41:55 +0000 Anonymous 2288125@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just my 2c but you can give guidance in a positive way, that respects that people have different needs and preferences- like Angie does! Prescriptive doesn't work in the real world. slim cat on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288092 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 03:48:13 +0000 slim cat 2288092@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Well, I don't read Instagram - so my beef is "If there were more options available for me in my size/style/price - I maybe would have chosen another color". I was just trying to avoid black ( and olive color that looks bad on me ) and got my eggplant puffer on-sale in 2013/2014. I wear it with some colorful scarfs and don't worry about anything else  :-) . Coffee with @runcarla and other YLF members sounds great! Zaeobi on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288091 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 03:46:21 +0000 Zaeobi 2288091@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I may not be 'middle-aged' yet but an eggplant/ plum coat has been on my HEWI list for years - ever since my uni days. What does that say about my internal age? Lol Stagiaire Fash on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288077 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 02:31:03 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2288077@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LJP, I’m surprised too. I thought it was funny, then read the comments here. Can’t see being that serious about it. Ms Maven, you look great, are a model for how I want to age. Indigoprint on "I feel attacked" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-feel-attacked/page/3#post-2288063 Wed, 26 Oct 2022 01:56:20 +0000 Indigoprint 2288063@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LJP this is a safe place to share. Always appreciate your input!