https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 16:00:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining/page/2#post-1039808 Fri, 27 Sep 2013 04:13:11 +0000 Lyn D. 1039808@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Fabbers- just bumping for anyone who would like to join us in the 'Complaint Free World' challenge.<br />Wristbands have arrived! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining/page/2#post-1006194 Thu, 15 Aug 2013 05:26:30 +0000 Lyn D. 1006194@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wise I think to leave it Mo- unless you are prepared to come up with a solid new direction or vision it would probably be considered complaining- AND you would have to move your imaginary wristband too :)<br />LOVE your new 'do' BTW! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining/page/2#post-1006189 Thu, 15 Aug 2013 05:12:52 +0000 Mo 1006189@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ooh, took a detour today discussing work with an old co-worker (my hairdresser). &nbsp;Didn't really complain so much as commiserate and share and acknowledge each other's understanding of how things have changed at that job. &nbsp;My question was whether to bring things up before moving and we both decided that if those in charge are okay with how things are going, I will just be seen as an 'agitator' or maybe sour grapes or what not for pointing out what could be fixed. &nbsp;Best to gracefully bow out and leave well enough alone &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1005923 Wed, 14 Aug 2013 20:51:26 +0000 MsMary 1005923@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm still hanging in there.&nbsp; Not even close to having a complaint-free day, but I am working on being more positive and I think it's helping my mood a bit!&nbsp; Lyn, I really appreciate your letting us know about this! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1005374 Wed, 14 Aug 2013 02:42:13 +0000 Lyn D. 1005374@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks Isis- you are not alone.<br />I am yet to complete a full day without complaint too.<br />Sometimes if I am not sure if I actually complained or not I take it as a complaint and move my band. Other times I wonder if I am being to hard on myself if I move it for just complaining out loud about myself when no one is there to hear it?</p> <p>It is a start though.<br />Keep up the good work!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1005370 Wed, 14 Aug 2013 02:32:43 +0000 Isis 1005370@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm also finding it interesting. &nbsp;</p> <p>I have not had a single day go by without a complaint&nbsp;yet, but I am trying! &nbsp;I just got the book form the library as I'm not sure what constitutes a complaint.</p> <p>I am more aware though.....that's a start! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1005365 Wed, 14 Aug 2013 02:21:01 +0000 Mo 1005365@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This customer and I shared a funny thing about country music of all things. &nbsp;Neither his nor my thing. &nbsp;But we both avoided saying we hate it, etc. &nbsp;He said a friend had commented to him, "that's too bad, that's something you don't get to like." &nbsp;Great way to put it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1005336 Wed, 14 Aug 2013 01:14:44 +0000 Lyn D. 1005336@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is great Mo!<br />Thanks so much for taking the time to post this update- I know you have a lot on your mind at the moment.<br />I have found taking the book's advice on changing the words I use very useful:</p> <p>Instead of... Problem &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Try... Opportunity </p> <ul> <li>Have to .... &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Get to</li> <li>Setback &nbsp;.... &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Challenge</li> <li>Enemy &nbsp; .... &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Friend</li> <li>Tormentor &nbsp;.... &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Teacher</li> <li>Pain &nbsp;.... &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Signal</li> <li>I demand .... &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;I would appreciate</li> <li>Complaint &nbsp; .... &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Request</li> <li>Struggle .... &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Journey</li> <li>You did this .... &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I created this</li> </ul> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1004994 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 16:51:19 +0000 Mo 1004994@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As I suspected, I found it quite hard on the job. &nbsp;Interestingly, I was sharing this idea&nbsp;with a young (19) coworker of mine at the end of her shift last night. &nbsp;She had mentioned that she hates to work and would be happy to never have to. &nbsp;That's a long haul for the next 40+ years, right? &nbsp;I explained that changing your mindset a little goes a long way. &nbsp;Anyway, a customer overheard and later we discussed the idea of 'flipping a switch' and changing your attitude and therefore, the self fullfilling prophecy of 'I hate work' then changes. &nbsp;He was a college psych professor and we had hours of interesting conversation.&nbsp;<br />I'm sure I won't make 21 days straight ever, but I'm so happy to be putting the brakes on what can snowball without you even being cognizant you're doing it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1002118 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 06:52:38 +0000 Lyn D. 1002118@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No fail!!<br />You succeeded in recognising your complaint (sounds like it was a tough day) and the book says that is the start of being more selective about what we complain about. We can decide that things are not so bad really in the scheme of things and can start to seek out the positives of our life.<br />Your feedback is helping me enormously to stick with this; I know I am not the only one finding myself complaining, even when I am trying not to. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1002096 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 06:19:50 +0000 Mo 1002096@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think I failed. &nbsp;Does saying,"I'm really busy and I'm over it" at work during the rush count as complaining? &nbsp;Bounced back about a half hour after I got slammed. I did apologize to my coworkers,&nbsp;saying if I was being bitchy, I was sorry.&nbsp;<br />Overall I did okay.&nbsp;I'd had an emotional day and was in tears in my car pulling up to work before I even started my shift. &nbsp;&nbsp;<br />Trying for a better tomorrow. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1002065 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 04:19:59 +0000 Lyn D. 1002065@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Come on Isis, I need you to hang in &nbsp;there with me :)<br />The weather is an example of negativity for me, but also I notice it is a great source of small talk between myself and people I don't know well.<br />Today is cold and rainy, and I am trying to focus on the positives (it is warm and cosy&nbsp;inside etc.) I am noticing that I feel alot better about it this way.<br />Thanks JJ- your upbeat personality always shines through on this forum.<br />Perhaps you need to distance yourself from this person so that their energy doesn't drain you. If they ask why you could just say that you are trying not to complain at the moment? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001928 Fri, 09 Aug 2013 00:05:46 +0000 JulieJohn 1001928@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love it! I am very into this way of thinking and living. I also don't lie, which requires being very creative at times.</p> <p>I have a challenge because someone close to me complains a lot, and always tells unhappy stories from the past. This person is not in a happy situation in life, and it's hard to be upbeat in those circs. But I think I am seen as frivolous by them because I always try to turn things to the positive side. Like I'm not looking at reality. Heck - I'm trying to CHANGE reality! </p> <p>My saving grace is DH because he is such a beautiful optimist and very compassionate. Compassion for others is the key. Have fun, Lyn! You will change the world! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001868 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 22:20:09 +0000 Isis 1001868@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Can't even complain about&nbsp;<i>the weather?!?</i></p> <p>What have I signed up for, LOL! &nbsp;I think I'll have to read the book rather than just the amazon reviews.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001832 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 21:42:33 +0000 Lyn D. 1001832@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great Mary! It is very hard not to complain when life gets turned upside-downand you feel out of control!<br />You noticed it Isis, and that is BIG!<br />I am at the stage that I fear saying anything at all, 'cause the complaints have a way of slipping out- especially about trivial things like the weather!<br />I am reading that part about talking about what you want to see happen, (positives)&nbsp;rather than complaining about what did happen (the negatives.)<br />I am finding the book to be very helpful. I don't think I would be able to do this without its guidance. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001721 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 18:36:33 +0000 Isis 1001721@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well I didn't even last one hour, first day! &nbsp;I was very negative this morning in a conversation over breakfast.&nbsp;</p> <p>But at least I noticed it! </p> <p>It's lunch and I'm doing OK but probably because I'm alone and there is no one to complain to.</p> <p>As per Lyn*'s comment about anger building up being unhealthy. &nbsp;So true. &nbsp;</p> <p>A review of the book on Amazon sort of addresses this, says the book is not to stuff everything inside. Basically <i>not</i> to be a doormat, but to take positive action rather than just complaining passively. &nbsp;&nbsp;<br />&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001458 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 12:47:45 +0000 MsMary 1001458@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really need to do this. I have become a gigantic complainer lately. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001348 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 06:01:48 +0000 Lyn D. 1001348@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good on you Isis- we can check on each other's progress!<br />I need to tell you that the book says that it usually takes 4 months or so to achieve the 21 days straight. (!)<br />I have been going for 5 days and it gets better, but the occasional slip means starting again, so I think this will be harder than it sounds. But worth it!<br />Deborah- if I get the official wristbands I will send to you. :)<br />The writer of the book is a minister from Kansas City. 5 or so years ago he encouraged his entire congregation to join him- and they eagerly watched his wrist each week to see if he had moved the band. (Each time you complain you must do this to bring it to your conscious attention.)<br />Isabel and Lyn- being kind to ourselves IS very important, and I think those that complain the most about others may be especially hard on themselves too.<br />Manidipa- I hope this helps you through a stressful time! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001296 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 03:54:13 +0000 Isabel 1001296@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just want to throw in, in reference to Lyn's comments which are very important, that I think part of it is also being kind to yourself when you have a down day or negative thoughts. &nbsp;I like to allow myself a certain amount of time whether 10 mins or 24 hours &nbsp;( but I can't treat people badly...) . It is human nature.</p> <p>I also think that people are right in saying that intention plays a big role. I don't like talking about people in order to aggrandize myself or demean someone. Sometimes I WILL talk about someone that I am worried about with someone else that I trust. &nbsp;Not for salacious reasons but out of concern or just to vent. &nbsp;But again, with one really trustworthy person, not a at a party. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001291 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 03:39:28 +0000 ManidipaM 1001291@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I need to start doing this! My inner gripemeister is out in force now that I am crabby from sleep deprivation and fatigue almost daily and the weather is bad here. Must stop the downward spiral. Thanks for sharing this, Lyn. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001235 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 02:13:23 +0000 Isis 1001235@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for the explanation!&nbsp; </p> <p>I'm in === my 21 days start tomorrow.&nbsp; No gossiping, no complaining, no criticism.&nbsp; </p> <p>This will be interesting! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001234 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 02:11:09 +0000 Deborah 1001234@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I might ask my DH if he would like to join you lol, just kidding, though he is very good at complaining, he and I were having a giggle about that this morning.&nbsp; Complaining and criticising is such an easy habit to get into .<br />My faith has been a great leveler for me, keeping me mindful of the blessings and goodness in my life and that helps to try to find the positive.</p> <p>Having said that, I have found myself beign very critical of my work place and I think I might need to come on board myself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001227 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 02:03:01 +0000 Lyn D. 1001227@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks other Lyn- I am finding that things I thought were complain-worthy weren't all that important in the scheme of things anyway! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001224 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 02:01:01 +0000 Lyn D. 1001224@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank-you for the link Isis- I think that being more loving and kind is what we are aiming for here.<br />In the book Will says that 'gossip' is saying anything that you would not say directly to the person you are talking about. So complimentary stuff is fine. It is about the intent behind the words.<br />The thinking of complaints becomes less and less because they are not being given power by being&nbsp;voiced.<br />Isabel- our choice of words is so important! I am trying not to say 'You' too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001222 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 01:59:39 +0000 lyn* 1001222@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That's an interesting behavioural adaptation - but make sure that when you don't complain you don't get a buildup of anger inside. That's not healthy either! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001176 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 01:21:39 +0000 Isabel 1001176@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a fab idea ! &nbsp;I have also over the years tried to be less of a glass half empty person to a glass half full. &nbsp;</p> <p>Jane Lynch , who plays the coach on Glee, once said that she has learned to avoid " No, but.." and say &nbsp;"Yes, and..." &nbsp; ( Yes, I hated the movie and I will not see that type of move again. ) &nbsp;I really like that train of thought ! It is so much more empowering. &nbsp;While I was going through the toughest part of the cancer stuff, my yellow LiveStrong rubber bracelet was a reminder every day of that. &nbsp;Though I never beat myself with it ! &nbsp;LOL !</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001165 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 01:14:16 +0000 Isis 1001165@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a great idea!&nbsp; I'm all for anything that makes a more positive world.&nbsp; </p> <p>I loved this recent speech with a similar thought:&nbsp; <a href="http://6thfloor.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/george-saunderss-advice-to-graduates/?_r=0" rel="nofollow">http://6thfloor.blogs.nytimes......ates/?_r=0</a></p> <p>Two questions come to mind as I think about implementing this in my own life:</p> <p>1.&nbsp; What <i>is </i><i></i>gossip?&nbsp; <br />2.&nbsp; Your P.S.&nbsp; "We are allowed to complain to ourselves"---does this mean it is OK to think complaints, but to refrain from voicing them out loud?</p> <p>I'm on board!</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001156 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 01:10:19 +0000 Lyn D. 1001156@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Exactly Mo! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001154 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 01:09:05 +0000 Lyn D. 1001154@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank-you Rachylou!<br />Suzyq- I first heard about this years ago when the author appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show. Tried it then for only a short while but wasn't committed enough to keep going.<br />The book seems to uplift, inspire and help with sticking to it.<br />Apparently it takes 21 days to kick a habit and change our thinking- we go through 3 stages:<br />Not realising that we are complaining- that's where the wristband/rubberband helps.<br />Realising that we do complain a lot (and getting frustrated) (&nbsp;Oops- I have just complained and moved my rubber band again &nbsp;)<br />And eventually &nbsp;just not&nbsp;complaining because we have consciously refrained from doing so for the 3 weeks.</p> <p>PS. We are allowed to complain to ourselves, and this slowly improves too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/i-am-not-complaining#post-1001146 Thu, 08 Aug 2013 01:01:56 +0000 Mo 1001146@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love this! &nbsp;It's very easy to get caught up in this behavior&nbsp;in the restaurant business with picky or difficult customers. &nbsp;I talk my BF down from such comments sometimes, with a gentle 'let's not judge so quickly' or similar remark. &nbsp;The trickier part is not <i>thinking</i> this way! &nbsp;Keeping our clap trap shut is a good start lol. </p>