https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 29 Apr 2026 01:21:17 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-995600 Wed, 31 Jul 2013 20:34:55 +0000 biscuitsmom 995600@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so glad to hear this.... too many times, we put aside our own needs/wants for 'later/next time' and far too often, it never comes I hope you and your DH/Kiddo have a great, stress-free vacation time. Certainly deserve it, and DH's family will just need to adjust/deal with it. Good for you, girl! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-995283 Wed, 31 Jul 2013 15:36:33 +0000 Isabel 995283@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am also late to the party. &nbsp;I totally agree with A's observation....why do the memories and being together have to be one way ? &nbsp;</p> <p>I am also impressed with Mr. T. &nbsp; And FWIW, 1/3 of your vaca every single year when you have a small child who gets sick and you need to take time off for sometimes ( phew, a run on ), is A &nbsp;LOT.</p> <p>BTW, &nbsp;I LOVE camping. Tent camping. But it is a whole different experience with little kids. &nbsp;Like, bad experience, different.&nbsp;</p> <p>For the future, may a I suggest a long weekend, like Memorial Day or Columbus Day where everyone goes somewhere and you alternate where you go? &nbsp;That becomes the tradition.&nbsp;&nbsp;Also, if there is a hotel or inn near the campground, you could stay there and drop by for a few hours at the site next time.</p> <p>Keep being the nap Nazi. &nbsp;Because you are the one who deals with the consequences.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-995231 Wed, 31 Jul 2013 14:30:37 +0000 Anonymous 995231@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm late to the game but this happens in my in-law family all the time. We try to deal with each as practically as possible. 30 min drive, fine. Wait for big kid to be finished work, drive 2 hrs each way for 1 hr event, then no. My inlaws are in their 80's and still want everyone together, despite all the conflict that occurs....family, can live with 'em, can't live without them :)</p> <p>Another ironic observation, how come family members who insist on things together, like camping (which I no longer care for) wont commit to other things, like a weekend in a big city, shopping/theatre/spas trips? They can't stand the idea of something like that....if they only realized that's how I feel about their camping idea lol </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-994597 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 23:20:33 +0000 Caro in Oz 994597@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>United we stand Well done. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-994495 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 21:39:18 +0000 Susie 994495@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Woo hoo, I knew I liked that Mr. Thistle!&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-994480 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 21:05:05 +0000 Anonymous 994480@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Give that man a big kiss! This situation was particularly difficult because you had been going every year up til now. I felt your discomfort at having to deal with this, but in the end, closure is SWEET. Enjoy some peace now.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-994462 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 20:49:15 +0000 Suz 994462@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>YAY for Mr. T. This is huge!! It's a really big and important step and a sign of commitment to you and your daughter. And it will pay off down the line in better relations all round. WHEW!!!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-994423 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 20:21:37 +0000 Debora 994423@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yay for Mr. T! When it comes right down to it, you have to do what is best for YOUR family. I'm so glad you were able to agree on this and present a united front. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-994331 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 19:35:54 +0000 Gaylene 994331@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good for Mr. T!&nbsp; His family might have their noses out of joint for a bit, but they will soon get used to your "weird" dislike of something that they enjoy. In my opinion, relationships with family members usually go better if both parties can "agree to disagree" instead of feeling unhappy and resentful at being pushed into situations that just don't work for everyone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-994234 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 18:48:55 +0000 MsMary 994234@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yay!&nbsp; Big gold star for Mr. Thistle!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-993928 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 13:32:45 +0000 Karie 993928@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good for Mr. T! When faced with a yearly family camping situation, DH and I &nbsp;booked a room at a nearby hotel. We have been happily un-camping ever since! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-993887 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 12:54:21 +0000 cinnamon fern 993887@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good for Mr. T! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family/page/2#post-993833 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 11:44:59 +0000 Thistle 993833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I took your advice and DH basically said we couldn't go. No excuses, no reasons. He agreed that even if we did present reasons they would see them as obstacles to overcome rather than our final decision.</p> <p>Time will tell how they react, but I told him it is his family, he needs to step up on this. It is hard for him as a middle child peacemaker, but he realized it had to come from him or they would just turn to him anyway. </p> <p>Thank you so much for the wise words! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993750 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 05:05:13 +0000 Adelfa 993750@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I will echo that you've gotten a lot of good advice. So I just want to repeat one thing that Gaylene said. Believe me, Thistle, we are older than you and we *know*.</p> <p>She said:</p> <p><span>"If you go and are miserable, that will be far more damaging to your future relations with your in-laws. I speak from experience."<br /></span><br />It's so true. If you go along with things you hate, over and over, resentment will build and you will have a much worse relationship with your inlaws than if you politely set boundaries now. It's hard to see that now, but it's true.</p> <p>I also want to say, not knowing your DH from Adam, that though it's completely true that he should handle his own family, some DHs are not able to do that. If he is one, then you do it. It will still be better than going along.</p> <p>And, if you pray, say a prayer of thanks that you and he are on the same page! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993714 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 03:59:16 +0000 Sveta 993714@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I LOVE camping but I would not do it with my in-laws for a week either&nbsp; -even without a toddler in tow. :-)<br />You got&nbsp; a ton of great advice already, all I can say - life is too short to spend it on something you really loathe. Be strong! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993583 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 02:11:25 +0000 Sara L. 993583@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><u></u>You've received some great advice here. &nbsp;I just wanted to commiserate since I don't like being around&nbsp;my husband's family for more than 3-4 hours. &nbsp;They're all nice people, they're just so unlike me and my family that I find them exhausting to be around. &nbsp;I'm also a nap nazi (my 7 year old will still nap a couple times a week) and bedtime nazi and neither my family nor DH's ever understood that. &nbsp;My kids love their grandparents and cousins though so I make an effort to see them as much as possible (they all live short drives from us). &nbsp;</p> <p>I would try to do the weekend or day trip so you can see everyone and make the family connection. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993581 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 02:06:44 +0000 Nadya 993581@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I believe in following Miss Manners advice - which is another way of phrasing what others have said above: </p> <p>"Oh, I'm so terribly sorry, we just can't." If asked why not, you reply, "Because I'm afraid it's just impossible."</p> <p>Or, just let your DH and daughter go &lt;evil grin&gt;. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993561 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 01:30:51 +0000 Echo 993561@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have to agree that your DH needs to step up and take care of this. You should not need to deal with his parents in this case; he knows them better and since he shares your feelings, he needs to handle things with them.</p> <p>I'd encourage you and DH to find a day when you can go up and visit them all at the camp ground. Play volleyball or do whatever they do all day, visit, catch up and then be done and go home. No overnights, no staying several days, no excuses. It simply doesn't work for your family, and there is no need to explain things further.</p> <p>Good luck, though. These things are much more easily said than done. As an aside, I am very allergic to cats and dogs, and we have a holiday gathering at MIL and FIL's home. They do not even have the common sense to put the cat in another room for the evening, although the dander would certainly do me in even if they did. I stayed the evening the first year and ended up at the ER the next day, still unable to breathe well. For the last several years, I stay for the meal (after taking massive doses of allergy meds), say my goodbyes and leave. I don't think they understand and/or believe that allergies can be as severe as they are, but that isn't my issue. I can't worry about what they think when the alternative lands me in the ER. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993541 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 00:47:14 +0000 Betti 993541@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've learned that with family, presentation means a lot. Say "Camping? Are you kidding me? We don't camp." Leave it at that. When they resist, hold your ground, but say it with a smile.</p> <p>As a fall-back you could always tell them you'll try very hard to get off work, but then find it impossible to do so.</p> <p>Good luck with whatever you choose to do.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993524 Tue, 30 Jul 2013 00:18:42 +0000 Anonymous 993524@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is tough but I would be inclined to say no way until your daughter is older. I can't imagine camping with a toddler. This year my husband took our 4yo daughter camping for a week and I wouldn't have even considered it before then.</p> <p>Honestly, your daughter isn't going to be aware of family memories until she is older, and your allergies and limited vacation time in my opinion means you need to spend it wisely for you and your health. So ditch it for a couple years, go someplace warm and allergy free! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993507 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 23:49:31 +0000 Eliza 993507@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You have great camping trip advice here, so no need to repeat it. All I would add is that you are not just agreeing to one week of camping if you completely cave to their assumptions and expectations. You are establishing rituals and ways of doing things that are likely to be around for decades. It will become the precedent and the pattern. Thistle's family is not considered and will not be unless people simply know that you will not do what doesn't work for you or goes against your better judgement as a parent. I'd let your husband state what works for the family in a short, straight forward way. No big info for anyone to counter, point by point. </p> <p>I might not only decline, but at some later point role model by appropriately trying to propose a reasonable gathering, perhaps for a day or a weekend. Ask about preferences, kid issues, allergies, availability, etc. Find out what will work best for everyone and be clear that that is your goal. If nothing can work comfortably for all, there's your answer. See people in smaller groups. </p> <p>The key here is a matter of fact, united front and no angst. Good luck! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993485 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 23:20:09 +0000 Traci 993485@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I feel pretty strongly that it's the family member's, ie, your husband's, job to deal with these matters. You really won't get anywhere at all by worrying about what they'll think of you. Let him tell them no, firmly, not hintingly, and then just let it go. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993475 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 23:13:33 +0000 Caro in Oz 993475@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sympathies. Great advice here (as always).</p> <p>Not suggesting you say this :)&nbsp;&nbsp;:) but I&nbsp;don't do camping any more &amp; when people ask, I say if god had meant me to go camping she wouldn't have invented 5 star hotels.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993469 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 23:09:01 +0000 Suz 993469@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Psssst. I love what Mary K said. Do it! And what Gingko said, times three. <b>SUCH</b> good advice. You should all go someplace sunny for ten days every winter, full stop. For your health!!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993427 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 22:31:02 +0000 Ginkgo 993427@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Everyone has already covered how to handle the camping trip, so I'll move along to planning your next vacation. &nbsp; You need a warm, sunny vacation every winter to soak up vitamin D and build strong bones, so don't waste any time camping with the in-laws! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993421 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 22:18:51 +0000 Mochi 993421@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am probably little help here if you're looking for a way to do this indirectly and softly, because I would just say lay it down that you are not going to do this and let them be huffy about it. Because the only way you will stand up to their unreasonable&nbsp;pushiness is by growing a backbone and saying, "NO." Okay, say, "Sorry, no thank you." But the decision should be yours.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993397 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 21:59:31 +0000 abc 993397@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really like MaryK's suggestion for various reasons. &nbsp;</p> <p>Stay strong and if you're like me, even if you feel like offering justifications / reasons, DON'T. &nbsp;It's your decision and you have the right to stick to it withOUT offering any reasons to them. &nbsp;They obviously don't take your feelings into consideration when planning a week-long camping trip (!!!) so I don't think you owe them any explanations on why you won't be joining for the full time.</p> <p>Good luck with this, please let us know how it turns out.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993372 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 21:12:26 +0000 biscuitsmom 993372@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Stay strong, honey child, and don't do a DAMN thing you and DH aren't comfortable with... they truly WILL get over&nbsp;it, in time, and your comfort, along with DH'S/kiddo's, &nbsp;should be front/center. Better to tick them off now, than to live with regrets later.... believe me, I *know* what I'm talking about.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993370 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 21:12:05 +0000 Beth Ann 993370@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ooh, I have high-maintenance in-laws.&nbsp; Lovely people, but unaware that anyone would live differently from themselves, so I get this!</p> <p>You've received great advice!&nbsp; Since it seems that your trip seems to be relatively close, you would have the option of visiting the campsite for dinner one night, and that's it.&nbsp; </p> <p>It is so true that being polite and firm is all that's required.&nbsp; You don't have to give reasons why or justify your choices.&nbsp; I'm guessing, from the fact that you seemed to have camped nearby, that your DH's family is not flung across the country, and I imagine you see them regularly.&nbsp; If that's the case, it's easier to stay connected in smaller doses --- without mosquitoes and ticks and campires and...........</p> <p>Now, remind me of all this when my in-laws arrive at the end of August! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-to-deal-with-family#post-993364 Mon, 29 Jul 2013 21:03:39 +0000 texstyle 993364@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What MaryK said. And don't budge on that. Or try to explain. Or feel guilty. It's your life and your precious vacation time. </p>