https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 26 Apr 2026 09:43:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442927 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:00:41 +0000 Queen Mum 442927@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I was pondering this while on the treadmill this morning and had some thoughts I wanted to throw out there.</p> <p>First of all, this idea that it isn't important to dress nice, and to be offended by being judged by our appearance seems to be American.. and relatively new. Like within the last 50 years? Am I right? </p> <p>So, if this is a relatively new/young phenomenon, where did it come from? I was thinking about the fact that when I was in high school, it wasn't necessarily about how put together you looked, it was about the label on your butt, or whether it was an alligator on your polo shirt. So I was thinking about the whole label/designer thing. Is THIS also a relatively new concept?<br /> So, is not caring how you dress a response to the message that if your clothes aren't the right label, you're not with the IN crowd? And then as this subculture of free thinking people rebel against designer label clothes, the baby has been thrown out with the bathwater, and it isn't just about not having to wear the right label, but the idea of dressing appropriately was also discarded. </p> <p>I"m sorry that I don't have time to properly organize and express my thoughts intelligently. Just wanted to throw that out there for your thoughts. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442907 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 18:40:19 +0000 HelenInCanada 442907@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Some very thoughtful responses here. I agree that looking neat &amp; up-to-date is important in certain workplaces, and you likely will get treated better by sales staff, at restaurants, etc. Why NOT make that extra effort? Obviously common sense rules the day and we wouldn't judge someone who is sick in hospital or living in a homeless shelter or whathaveyou with these judgements, but it would be silly to disregard the impact a first impression makes, and what clothes &amp; general good grooming projects to people you encounter.<br /> Funny, I just read a blog post on Huffington Post: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/daniel-alexandre-portoraro/occupy-wall-street_b_1005731.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/d.....05731.html</a> about the Occupy Wall Street protests, and the writer was admonishing the protesters to "dress well", shave, not look homeless, etc. in order to garner respect! Whoa. I have a feeling he is going to be met with some ire! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442905 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 18:37:33 +0000 Elly 442905@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your a tall lady--- commiserate about having to buy new clothing and where to find pants that let you avoid cold ankles. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442898 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 18:30:49 +0000 citygirldc 442898@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, I too agree that appearances matter. Here's an example of what happened to huuby and I where we were flying back from London. There were major delays and we had missed our flight so we were trying to get the next flight out. The attendant told us that business class was sold out but he'd put us on First Class because we were dressed nicer than the others (and the other couples had shorts on, etc.) t. I was very surprised by how forthcoming he was. It definitely was a treat and my first time that people judge you by the way look. I'm guilty of it too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442869 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 18:01:54 +0000 Laura (rhubarbgirl) 442869@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think appearance matters, in the way that everyone's said - it's a matter of first impressions, and of caring about social norms and togetherness. That said, are you wondering whether you should bring this up with her? Honestly, I would say don't, unless you are quite close friends and you know that she can handle the feedback appropriately. Getting into this issue with a "work friend" is not worth the many things that could go wrong, in my opinion. It's kind of (to come up with an OTT comparison) how you can't convince someone to give up an addictive behavior; they have to come to that realization themselves or they'll never really get it. Maybe she likes the way she looks, or maybe she feels like she's making some sort of ethical or political or feminist stance, or maybe she just doesn't find caring about such things interesting. Perhaps she will change in the future if she feels like she's affecting her future career prospects, but I don't think you can push her into it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442820 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 17:04:52 +0000 ironkurtin 442820@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, clothing and outward appearance matter. It's about presenting yourself.</p> <p>Now, I worked in a very casual industry, and the boys wore super casual clothes. But even there the ones who were not clean, or tidy, or fairly well-presented in their jeans and ts were in for their fair share of negative comments. There were a few really, er, special genius types - but I'm talking uber special genius types, like the programmers who could make anything work - who could get away with not looking reasonably tidy. Or bathing. Or taking care of skin conditions. But these were people who did not interface much with other people and had already proved their special status.</p> <p>So, short answer is, unless your friend is such a rock star that she doesn't need to wear nice things, she needs to pay a little more attention to social norms if she wants the (already fraught for women) climb to the top to be easier. It's hard to promote someone to positions of more authority if they don't present an overall package.</p> <p>I don't know how you approach her. I know how I would, but the straightforward, "Honey, I'm sorry, this is bugging me so much - can we talk about your clothes?" doesn't work for everyone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442809 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 16:50:41 +0000 Suz 442809@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Nakidra, do you feel you know this woman well enough to speak with her? Would you like to? I sense that in addition to being curious, you are concerned for her, and a bit frustrated that she is missing out on what might be hers. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442685 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:49:37 +0000 Queen Mum 442685@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>true story.. I have a friend who works for a very well know company who's boss announced that the next person to wear gorilla shoes (those running toe shoes) to work would be fired. (He was wearing them that day) He brought his professional workwear up a few notches and soon earned a promotion and was moved to a different city to open the companies new office in that city. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442678 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:44:23 +0000 Jonesy 442678@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I do think it's important. It conveys put-together-ness (not an actual word, I know, but I hope you get my drift!). If someone is an attorney, I would think they would want to convey authority and confidence, no? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442592 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 12:02:15 +0000 Janet 442592@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>BTW, I have heard men criticized for their appearance as well. My husband took one of his employees shopping to help him out with his professional image! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442488 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 05:44:11 +0000 Jenava 442488@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think in the workplace it's important to get other people to trust that you can get a job done if you want to get ahead. If someone is dressed in an unprofessional way (ill-fitting clothes, sloppy shoes, etc) I would worry that that person is not very self-aware, which opens a can of worms in terms of whether you would trust that person to do something really important and high-profile. </p> <p>Unless her job doesn't require her to interact with anyone outside of her direct team I would say she needs to pull it together or she risks coming across as a flake...and personally I HAVE heard men being criticized for appearance in the workplace; in this case I don't think it's gender-based judgement. Can you imagine her male equivalent (too-tight shirt, high-waters, holey shoes)? *shudder* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442453 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 04:29:12 +0000 Queen Mum 442453@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Appearances matter very much, as every defense lawyer knows... that's why she makes sure her client shows up in court looking like a respectable law-abiding citizen. </p> <p>Every stitch of a politicians attire is purposeful and well thought through by his campaign "wardrobe person"</p> <p>Even those who don't "dress" and claim that appearances don't matter are making judgments based on how stylish people dress. Take for example the scientific field. Many here have said that if they dress too stylishly or trendy, they won't be taken seriously. That is a judgement based on appearance.</p> <p>So yes, our appearance makes a statement whether we like to admit it or not. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442450 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 04:22:00 +0000 RandomThoughts (Andrea) 442450@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think the crux of your question is, "Matter how?"</p> <p>Does it make her less competent? No<br /> Does it make her less wonderful? Of course not.<br /> Does it make her lesser in any way when you get down to brass tacks? Definitely not.</p> <p>Does it matter in a professional setting where people will make snap judgments based on very little information, including your appearance? Yes.</p> <p>Edit: FWIW, I (and others) have made comments about men's appearances both in work settings and at my dog shows. Things like, "wow, he looks like he just rolled out of bed", "when was the last time he showered", etc. I do think people are tougher on women and expect more but men don't get off scott free either. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442447 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 04:19:22 +0000 Elly 442447@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think when you are a lawyer or work in a law office appearances certainly DO matter. Looking a little frumpy or conservative may fly, but I can't imagine showing up to work looking like a hot mess is helping her career. </p> <p>I personally haven't had experience with professional consequences from dressing badly, but I definitely have had social consequences. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442444 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 04:10:19 +0000 Angie 442444@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Nakidra, I think it's our natural tendency to initially judge people upon appearance because that's all we have before we get to know them. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442440 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 04:06:56 +0000 mamaKate 442440@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>First thought that came to mind: To a co-worker who, in my opinion suffered a similar problem as your friend, I once took the liberty to say, "You are so pretty and have such a nice figure. On days when you dress in a way that complements it, you really shine."</p> <p>Second thought that came to mind: One of my best friends - if I didn't know her and got a first impression of her in a professional setting, I might make a similar assessment - how can she be so unaware of her style choices? But knowing her as a person, it's just that - an innocent ignorance. As her friend, it doesn't bother me a bit or even come up in conversation. But I think she does suffer from it in her professional opportunities. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442408 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 03:28:18 +0000 Janet 442408@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've heard it said on WNTW, and I agree, that it's perhaps an unfortunate truth, but a truth nonetheless, that we judge people initially based on appearances. When you think about it, it's totally natural -- in many instances, we see a person before we ever get a chance to hear what they have to say, and the brain immediately starts making judgments simply because of human nature. I believe part of it is instinct, and part of it is culturally ingrained. </p> <p>I do know of people who have suffered -- often unwittingly -- because of a sloppy, unprofessional, or outdated appearance. I think sometimes people who insist they don't care what they look like are using that refusal as a barrier, and many episodes of WNTW seem to bear that theory out. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442351 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 02:28:04 +0000 lyn* 442351@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I used to think appearances don't really matter; but I think first impressions do! I definitely like to try and put my best foot forward, and why not? I have a wonderful community of people (YLF) to help me dress my best - and it's fun! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-do-outward-appearances-really-matter#post-442323 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 02:04:48 +0000 Nakidra 442323@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a co-worker who would be a perfect candidate for “What Not to Wear.” Absolutely perfect ... I know that this sounds rude and snobby, but I really feel that people would take her more seriously if she stepped up her game in the appearance department. She’s a very smart, ambitious and very hard-working lady who has aspirations of taking her career to the next level. I do think that her outward appearance is holding her back. In fact, I once heard someone say that “she just seems to be a mess.” It really shows that appearances do matter in many situations, especially professional situations and especially for women. I’ve never heard “He’s such a mess” or “Does he comb his hair” or “Does he own and iron” but I frequently hear both men and women say these things about other women.</p> <p>For my co-worker, it’s not about the financial ability to purchase clothes and in fact we all know that you don’t have to spend a lot of money in order to look pulled together and appropriate. She’s tall and wears pants that are far, far too short. She also wears clothes that are too tight, clothes that she used to fit into many years ago. She also wears really, really worn shoes that look that they are about to fall apart. On the other hand she has the highest self esteem of anyone I know, I will say that others are judging her based on how is looks, not how she carries herself</p> <p>I'm I just a judgmental, cold-hearted person or do appearances really matter that much? I hesitate to even write this because I’m not a judgmental or superficial person, but I know the many benefits of looking and feeling your best. Are we all placing too much emphasis on outward appearances? Would she get to the next level with a makeover? </p> <p> I know that I've thrown a lot out there! I just wanted to get the take of the YLF community since we are all dedicated to fabulous-ness!! </p>