https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 05 May 2026 22:09:48 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers/page/2#post-184443 Fri, 16 Jul 2010 10:35:59 +0000 stringy 184443@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I hear you, Maya. I can totally understand not wanting to make "subtle distinctions about friends and the internet" a topic of conversation, especially with people you don't particulary feel obliged to get chatty with because they already don't 'get' you.</p> <p>I'm an introvert and I've got a small-ish circle of trusted in-person friends. But I'm also a web professional, so talking about the internet is kind of my thing and I'm probably more determined than usual to help people get the most out of it </p> <p>Plus I'm kind of getting to the stage where I've got no patience for people who give me funny looks. It used to make me wither up inside. But it's rude and I've decided that they're the ones with the problem - I might be turning into a cranky old lady before my time </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers/page/2#post-184309 Fri, 16 Jul 2010 01:06:05 +0000 Kristine 184309@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If I'm talking about it with my husband I say "the people on the forum are wearing..." and "that fashion lady says...". </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers/page/2#post-184192 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 18:16:35 +0000 April 184192@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very interesting thread! I don't talk about YLF with anyone except SO, DS, and my sister, and I don't show my face in photos. I just feel somewhat private about anything I do online. </p> <p>SO and DS, however, know many of you by name. SO, who is a big proponent of the internet as a place to share like interests with others, will ask, "So, what's going on on the forum?" Or if he knows I got something new, he'll ask, "Did you post a photo?" </p> <p>DS is actually better than I am about knowing when it's time to take a photo, and will remind me to do that. He also *loves* the new system of appreciations and earning icons, and knows that system better than I do. "Oh look, Mom -- you're a Therapist now but you're not a Solver anymore..." LOL </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers/page/2#post-184155 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 17:05:40 +0000 RoseandJoan 184155@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I call 'forum friends' You Look Fabbers or sometime Fabbers, my friends know my involvement with the website and forum and I'm sure with closer proximity some Fabber Friends would become irl friends. With regards to this website I'm 100% out and proud. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers/page/2#post-184144 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 16:27:48 +0000 Itari 184144@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hey, that's a nice topic.</p> <p>I don't really know, though. I tend to use phrases like "the YLF people", or some other neutral statement. I don't say "friends", not because I don't like you or something, but for me it's reserved for very special people that I know in real life. I'm not that touchy-feely.</p> <p>And my mum once said to me "those Americans of yours"! I told her that many of you are not American, of course. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers/page/2#post-184104 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 15:21:07 +0000 Michelle 184104@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm firmly in the "friends" camp. Many of my interactions on YLF bear all the hallmarks of in-person friendships (emotional support, intellectual stimulation, honest advice, comic relief). I am from a generation where online interactions are expected and accepted in equal measure, so I have few qualms discussing the forum with my friends (I too have attended weddings of couples who met online). The picture changes with my family, however. My parents would find it utterly bizarre to turn to an online group for fashion advice, let alone anything deeper, while my younger brother who works in Information-Technology would be horrified at the amount of information I'm willing to share. I simply don't mention YLF or its members to them, but with others I will use the term friend without hesitation. In Corey's case he's even come to recognize some individual names. </p> <p>I completely agree with Stringy's points about the applications of the internet and suspect Maya may be right when she says perceptions of someone's online activity will be affected by other real-life circumstances. I am an outgoing person with a busy social life, so I don't worry about being faced with the same stigmas that are of concern to Maya. This is ironic in a way, since blind people are often tarred with that brush (sometimes with good reason).' </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers/page/2#post-184089 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 14:48:53 +0000 Rosie 184089@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sihaya, that cracked me up about your son - too cute! </p> <p>Sparky, it takes a long time to give a real explanation of who you're talking about, doesn't it? "Friend" is much easier. </p> <p>Kristen, lots of funny and interesting points that I'm taking to heart right now. While I have lots of wonderful friends, most of my local friends have young families and it can get a bit lonely not having single friends really close by. (My closest is an hour away.) I've gotten over the fact that one of the best ways to meet people is through groups started online. </p> <p>I guess my friends and family would prod me much more if I were mysterious about it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-184059 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 14:08:16 +0000 Kristen 184059@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Stringy, you make excellent points! Also with Facebook growing and including a lot of older and younger people, it is making online interaction seem a lot less weird to those who might not have understood it before. I now play Farmville and chat with with my old Girl Scout leader, co-workers, aunt and cousins, cousins' cousins, old boyfriends, kindergarten classmates, etc -- people whom I have not had face-to-face or any contact with, really, for over 30 years. So for them to understand I might know other people just from meeting them online is not such a leap for them anymore. </p> <p>Besides, I braved my father bringing up at a family party that he had stumbled across my fashion blog and started teasing me about taking so many pictures of myself. Once you've lived through that moment, telling people about a fashion site where you are NOT the focal point is pretty easy! (That was his point of annoyance, that I wasn't updating my photo blog and was only doing self-portraits instead. LOL!) </p> <p>Maya, I have a large social circle BECAUSE of my online interactions. All of my local friends, except for Shopping Friend, are people I met online. All of them. And most of my girlfriends are unmarried; I am one of the few with a spouse. Actually, the one really noticeable thing about us is most of us don't have kids! But beyond that, you would not know from looking at us we still often interact more online than we do face-to-face. And no one really cares. </p> <p>I think it's kind of like when you are wearing a bad outfit that you don't like: it seems like it's the most noticeable thing about you, that everyone can see and is passing judgement on your horrendous taste, but the reality is everyone else is usually so caught up in their own anxieties or dramas they don't notice anyone else's. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-184034 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:33:48 +0000 Sihaya 184034@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am totally "out" with YLF. So I talk about the forum, how useful it is not just from a style perspective but for emotional validation and support. And I talk about you guys. In fact, my older son who is toally obsessed with computers at the moment will sometimes look over my shoulder when I'm on the forum and will make comments like: "How come mamapicklejuice hasn't been on the forum for a while?" My friends recognize that this is important to me and are very curious espeically when i meet one of you face to face. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-184030 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:21:43 +0000 Sparky 184030@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Everyone raises a lot of good points. I find that it's pretty acceptable to my peers for me to talk about people I know through online groups. I'm married with kids, in my forties, so maybe none of the stigma sticks to me, LOL. Also, my close friends and I are sharing lots of info as we rediscover fashion and style. We tell each other we're getting cool shoes instead of cool convertibles as our version of the mid-life crisis. :)</p> <p>Since I am so new to this forum, I don't feel like I have "earned" my place and wouldn't normally refer to YLFers as friends. I have done that for other online groups though. More often I'll say, "Someone I know . . ." </p> <p>Even so, Maya, were your ears tingling yesterday? I was at the Nordstrom NAS, going around with a SA. When I saw the Sanctuary shorts I said to her, "Oh, I have a friend who plans to get these." A lot easier than saying, "Oh, I know someone in an online group dedicated to fashion and style who plans to get these shorts." But the "friend" just popped out. More often I would say, "I know someone who plans to get these." </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-184019 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 12:46:50 +0000 Maya 184019@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Stringy, I completely agree with everything you said. I guess for me it just feels trickier because people make those assumptions about me as it is, since I am so shy IRL, and talking about my cyber friends just seems to validate their suspicions: oh, she is too insecure and antisocial to make REAL friends, etc. Also, not specifically related to YLF, but being single also definitely complicates matters as well. I don't "have a life" the way coupled persons do, and while I don't have any problem with that, it seems like everyone else in my life does. In short, I face enough ignorant judgments and criticisms in my daily life as it is, and don't particularly want to add fuel to that fire. </p> <p>If you're an extovert with a large social circle and a relationship or family, maybe it's less of an issue </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-184002 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 10:55:21 +0000 stringy 184002@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've been online for over a decade now, so I'm very used to describing people I know well online as friends. If anyone asks where I met this friend, I say it was online. Some people do give me funny looks about that, but honestly I think they're the ones who are going to have to adjust and get used to the idea. </p> <p>The internet isn't some fad that will go away, and it's a great way to find people who share your specific hobbies. We live where we have to for jobs or family or climate or whatever - but the internet allows us to make friendships in spite of distance, based on shared interests. I think it's pretty wonderful to be able to do that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183989 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 08:52:40 +0000 Louise 183989@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>IRL people don't know I'm a YLF junkie! Most mornings I don't get dressed till I've checked the forum (had my fix!) I get the feeling some people would think it shallow? x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183959 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 06:03:19 +0000 Scarlet 183959@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mmm, I prefer to keep YLF private. In general I don't feel like my interest in fashion is very accepted in my circles, so I certainly don't want to advertise my pastimes. Only my husband knows my secret </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183942 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 05:10:11 +0000 Rosie 183942@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maya brings up some interesting points. Do you all still see those same stigmas/stereotypes attached to the internet? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183925 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 04:43:50 +0000 Lena 183925@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Kristen, you cracked me up - I also refer to fandom friends as people I've met in "a writing group" (and I know other people who do it as well) :D</p> <p>I'd like to keep my social networking groups a little separate, and I feel very protective about YLF (and a few other online gathering places where I share my hobbies). And it depends on whom I'm talking to, some people totally understand, some are very mistrustful of online interactions, so I adjust what I say accordingly. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183916 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 04:35:09 +0000 Rosie 183916@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting - I like seeing all the different approaches and feelings. </p> <p>This was really the first week it had come up for me, and several times at that. My parents had already heard about it but I gave my mom a dress I had bought from Laura, so I definitely explained again. Then, I was shopping with one of my best friends and something came up that made me talk about "friends" on here - didn't feel weird at all but then also want this to remain separate from her. The other time was trying to connect Marianna and her boyfriend with friends on mine in AZ - a little weird as I was trying to explain to a guy, but he didn't really ask many questions. (Well, except if there were pictures of me on here. GC, if you are snooping, ask a fashion question at least!) </p> <p>I don't talk about it a lot, but at the same time don't really care what people think. There are so many blogs and forums out there, it is almost weird NOT to "know" anyone from online. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183901 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 04:06:50 +0000 Kristen 183901@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am with Laura, I call you guys my friends from YLF. I've been online in various forums for well over 10 years, I have two huge groups of local friends that I met online first. I've stood up in weddings of people I originally met online. The stigma is long gone for me, but I use discretion if one of my friends has a hangup about it. A bunch of us met in fanfiction forums a million years ago, and even though we transitioned to real-life friends and none of us writes anymore, we still explain to strangers that we met "in a writing group." </p> <p>It is a lot easier when you meet people in person, though. And hahaha, Laura, I did not know that story! How sweet. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183886 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:40:16 +0000 Maya 183886@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There is a certain stigma attached to talking to people online, even today, and I'd rather not risk being saddled with that stigma. Honestly, I have been chatting with people online since I was 13. If I told most people that, they would have an apoplexy. Unfortunately for many, all the media sensationalism about pedophiles and sex predators have come to represent these interactions. It is assumed that if you are young and chat on the internet you are: a) lonely and depressed, b) seeking attention and approval, and c) desperate. It might not be a fair or accurate judgment, but it is what it is. The fact that I am shy and introverted just makes me even more prone to these types of judgments.</p> <p>The reason I started chatting online was because I had certain interests that my "real" friends didn't share, and my motivations are still more or less the same, 13 years later. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183880 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:30:24 +0000 Debbie 183880@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When I talk about YLF I say my friends. Because that is how I think of everyone here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183869 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:13:16 +0000 Ariadne 183869@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>LOL! YLF is my personal fun too, I don't really talk about online life IRL. Lots of people in my family don't really "get" the Internet these days and would probably see it as dangerous and reckless over-sharing!</p> <p>To my husband, I refer to my "friends in the computer", which is a little in-joke for us. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183862 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:03:54 +0000 Mellllls 183862@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I dont think I talk about YLF people that often but if I did I would just say; my friend.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183816 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 02:17:08 +0000 Lisa 183816@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I say "friends from the blog" to my closest friends. I've gotten a couple of strange looks but that's ok. It depends on whom I am talking to, what I will say. I have one friend who met and married her now husband online, so for her I can speak freely about "online friends." To others that are skeptical about the internet as a whole, I am less free to discuss YLF. But in my own head, YLF are friends I just haven't had a chance to hug "hello" in real life yet. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183814 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 02:12:10 +0000 Debora 183814@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I refer to you all as friends, plain and simple. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183813 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 02:09:58 +0000 Maya 183813@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Same here Taylor, except dresses instead of heels. Everyone at work noticed that I wear dresses just about every day, and I have actually inspired 2 of my coworkers to wear frocks </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183806 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:45:12 +0000 taylor 183806@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Actually most ylfers know more about me than my co-workers....I am they shy girl with the high heels:) Just my hubby and kids know about YLF </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183796 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:35:03 +0000 Beth 183796@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm with Maya and Mac. YLF is my personal fun:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183794 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:32:44 +0000 Kim 183794@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I say something like "Someone I talk to on a forum I go to..." or "my invisible friend..." LOL</p> <p>I have many invisible friends as I have frequented a few particular forums regularly over the years (homeschooling forums, daycare forums and an overcoming a fear of flying one come to mind at the moment. I think YLF will become one of those...) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183793 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:31:56 +0000 Mac 183793@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't discuss you guys or YLF. I like all of you being my little (or not so little) secret. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-talk-about-ylf-ers#post-183792 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:27:01 +0000 anne 183792@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmmm - I am with Maya. </p>