YouLookFab Forum » Topic: How do you feel about sexy?

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: How do you feel about sexy? https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 24 Apr 2026 21:21:38 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php krishnidoux on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1343159 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 11:02:40 +0000 krishnidoux 1343159@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am late to this fascinating discussion, but never the less after having read all the comments wanted to add mine. Aziraphale, your description of how "sexy" is so impractical in your daily life and weather SOOOOO reminded me of when I lived in a similar weather in B.C. It was also a very conservative small town, whereas I have been brought up in Montreal and just spent the previous year in Tokyo. In B.C. I tried to dress like a normal Montrealer and immediately sensed many outfits were deemed as "too sexy". This in itself would not have stopped me but it was the combination of rainy weather + way of life (and way of transportation) + having a baby which made me redefine my look and soon embrace Lululemon as my savior.  Not that everyone there lives in Lululemon: after a couple of years, after my eyes had adjusted, I started to explore more styles, and veered naturally towards a retro look, read nerdy purposely 1940's-like with mostly clunky shoes, because it meshed well with my surrounding I guess, but mainly because it allowed me to dress "sexy", meaning feminine, smart, dressed up, while staying within the realms of acceptable. Back then I thought I was original. Pffff... Now I am back in the East, and being in my 40's this purposely retro nerdy look is not working for me anymore. It looks good as long as the wearer is young, so it creates a contrast. I have been dabbling in more overtly sexier looks(read Guess vs Talbots), which would have seemed like I was trying too hard in my twenties, but which look fine now.   catgirl on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1337050 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 18:04:16 +0000 catgirl 1337050@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Late here and have not read any comments, so here goes. What *I* think is sexy is quite different than the conventional definition of sexy. I just got a good eyeful of typical sexy looks in Vegas last week, where it was all "shorter, lower, tighter". But frankly, because of that look being everywhere, it stopped being interesting really soon - although apparently not to the guys! Like you (no surprise) I feel uncomfortable in all-out typically sexy looks. I can pull off a micro-skirt, but I'm going to wear a fluid and modest top. It's just not ME otherwise. I feel best in ripped jeans, boots, and a slouchy top. Whether that's sexy, confident, or just crazy, I embrace it! Alassë on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1337048 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 18:01:44 +0000 Alassë 1337048@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Apologies for coming back to this yet again, Aziraphale. For me, tucking a pussy bow top into a high-waist, fitted pencil + wearing low heels (as opposed to flats) would be "alluring" for my style. I do understand what you're getting at, and my version is a lot more toned down. But to me, it feels deliberately alluring. Angie on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1337020 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 17:44:56 +0000 Angie 1337020@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ah. Got it. Clearly I need more tea in the morning. (Thanks for the kind compliments though).  Elisabeth, I guess I do look like "I tried to look sexy" - to me - which is not sexy in the conventional sense. I wear my short hair and take great care of my skin each day. If I want to wear something extra alluring for Greg - tight black turtleneck is a good way to go.  Looking sexy in the conventional sense is not part of my style persona. It's like dressing in a Quirky and Avant-Garde way is not who I am. I have never been the gal that wore short shorts, minis, high heels, body con dresses, red lipstick and exposed lots of skin. Not even as a teen or in my 20s. Those items would look very unsexy on me because they would feel off. And the attitude that accompanies the attire is all important. But pop me into a pair of tight white jodhpurs, tight black turtleneck and sleek black riding boots - and I feel as sexy as all heck. And because you FEEL sexy, I believe you look sexy.  Okay. No more rambling from me. xo Gaylene on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1337016 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 17:40:33 +0000 Gaylene 1337016@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ If we put the notion of "sexy" aside for a moment, is the issue more about "trying to be X" vs. "looking X"? In my case, substitute "trendy" for the word "sexy" and I think my reaction would be the same as yours. I like my "trendiness" to look natural and unforced, not intentional. Dressing "sexy" is probably a more loaded concept for a variety of reasons, but maybe the root is that uncomfortable feeling we get when we think our outfit might have veered into costume territory. "Trying" to look sexy, or younger, or more polished, or whatever means we don't fully own the look, and the message we end up sending to others is actually the opposite of the one that is intended. minimalist on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1337008 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 17:37:18 +0000 minimalist 1337008@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Fascinating challenge, Aziraphale. I don't like to look like I tried *at all*, ever, and because of my own extreme hang-up around this I'm sometimes slow to admire those who clearly and openly do make an effort, whether sexy or architectural or heroin waif or whatever they're going for. Especially if to me it seems their clothing efforts impede their stated goals. Thinking about this in the context of my reaction to EF ensembles. They felt sensuality-extinguishing and I hated that. My secret Prima Donna Twist armor suddenly felt matronly matchy-matchy. By contrast, my oversized raw denim jeans are more fabric, technically less feminine, and require a lot more actual *trying* including deep abrasions, but I feel alive in them and bf is giving rave reviews. Rachy, out on your stomping grounds a more direct path to gold digging is probably <a href="http://www.kite415.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.kite415.com/</a> or similar, then accepting outing invitations from your favorite Sand Hill Road acquaintances. Attire always bodycon, plenty of room to get your hoochy on or not, whichever puts you in a stronger prenup negotiating position. Do keep us posted, we want to see your six-pack abs. Elly on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1337005 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 17:35:07 +0000 Elly 1337005@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sexy is a good thing in the right situation.  For example, later this year I should have an opportunity to attend a somewhat-dress event with my partner's co-workers. I want to look sexy . . . I don't want to look like I'm trying to hard, I don't want to look unapproachable, I don't want to look trashy or cheap, but I want to look sexy and drop-dead gorgeous! In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with that.  Aziraphale on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1336964 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 16:36:15 +0000 Aziraphale 1336964@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks again for all your thoughts, ladies! :-) Alasse, a tucked top, pencil skirt and low heels wouldn't scream out "Look! I'm trying to be sexy!" -- so yes, I'd feel perfectly comfortable wearing it. Here's the thing: I have no problem at all with the look of the "sexy uniform" (bodycon dress or skirt with high heels). It looks gorgeous on many women. But when I put it on the other day, I felt like I was making an obvious effort to be sexy, and that's where I have difficulty. Some women can put on the sexy uniform and OWN it. I guess I'm not one of them. :-)  Angie, I wear pretty undies every day too (only mine don't match!) and sure, they make me feel alluring. That's not what I was getting at. No one see your underpants. Short hair and a slim black turtleneck are not, like Gaylene said, the media caricature of sexy (although they do look damn good on you). What I was trying to explain was, I don't want to look like I've tried to look sexy. If it happens, it has to look accidental. And I guess I was asking if others felt the same way, or if this is some kind of weird hang-up. Mo, being deliberately sexy shouldn't be different, but for me, it is. It might be a hang-up. :-) Jules, black lace = underthings to my eye, too! Or steampunk costume.  Angie on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1336891 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 14:43:35 +0000 Angie 1336891@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think there is a difference between feeling sexy and looking sexy, and sometimes the two are related. Sexy is a state of mind and an attitude for the most part. Although wearing an alluring outfit can definitely evoke a sexy feeling - for yourself and for others. It's the feelings that I respect. People feel sexy in different ways. If showcasing your assets makes you feel sexy - I support it. It might be high heels, red lipstick, tight clothing, short shorts, or beachy waves in your hair. Personally, I wear very pretty undies daily to feel alluring. I also love a tight black turtleneck. My short hair makes me feel alluring, as does looking after my skin. Horses for courses, always.  Mo on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1336815 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 13:24:38 +0000 Mo 1336815@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I echo T's point.  We admit to deliberately trying to dress somber or approachable or trendy, why should being deliberately sexy be any different?  I think the notion of 'trying too hard' is a loaded thing where you are kind of damned if you do damned if you don't.  I know we've discussed that topic before.  One of several threads <a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-too-hard">http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....g-too-hard</a> Jules on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1336808 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 13:14:54 +0000 Jules 1336808@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It's very interesting where one's individual tipping point is, isn't it? I have certain things that I think of as overtly, even trashily, sexy, and I think they come from my formative years so to speak... impressions formed in the late 80s perhaps; so for example red pumps, leopard print, and black lace all had negatively sexy associations to me as a teen. These impressions have been reduced over time depending on current trends and how they're being worn... fishnet stockings, something I honestly associated with prostitutes, look fine as worn now, although I have yet to "pull off" wearing them (I've tried); animal print is simply a classic; and red pumps, worn "intentionally", are just fun.  But I have ongoing "issues" with black lace, and the body con & black lace dress, even sleeved, featured on the blog today crosses my personal line into "too sexy". I think black lace will always be lingerie territory for me! I recognize this as a personal issue :) For the record I have can't remember ever looking at a fabber's WIW and thinking "ewww, too sexy". Only "very sexy" or "va-va-woom!" in a positive way. Alassë on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1336788 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 12:43:55 +0000 Alassë 1336788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you for clarifying so persistently, Aziraphale. In light of those updates, I'd say I can handle a demure bombshell look since part of my style persona is pencil skirts & retro looks. So, tucked top with fitted pencil with low heels, but the top won't be low-necked. Is that more along the lines of your question? Anonymous on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/3#post-1336774 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 12:31:02 +0000 Anonymous 1336774@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I don't purposefully do it that much, but I kind of like how I look in a toned-down version of "bombshell." I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard either. But, for me, it's honestly easier to pull that kind of look off than a lot of so-called "effortless" looks, so it can be fun to just embrace that once in a while. If I can't be an adorably slim and tomboyish gamine, I may as well at least own my curves, right? But I definitely wouldn't wear anything that goes so far in that direction that it looks like a caricature. So, playing off your example, if I had red pumps, I'd maybe wear them out to a nice dinner with a low-cut, waist-emphasizing black dress. But I'd probably feel more comfortable if the dress had sleeves and a fuller skirt (both of which would be more flattering than a sleeveless sheath dress on me anyway). I'd also avoid wearing fishnet stockings or carrying an animal-print bag or adding anything else that would push the outfit too far into cliche. T on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336722 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 07:01:57 +0000 T 1336722@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have my fair share of "deliberately sexy" outfits: body cons dresses & skater skirts. I do wear them basis my mood, so not to office but at least once a week when meeting friends or out for coffee/movies with DH. I am fairly happy & confident in them. I never feel like I am pretending to be "sexy" though. I know I am when I want to be! I think most women who know what styles they like make deliberate outfit choices - sexy or otherwise. Some may choose to deliberately dress in a manner that makes them appear "trendy"/ "serious" / "pretty" or else "laid-back".. some may dress for their current lifestyle. It all is deliberate. But sometimes there is a lot more of judgement on someone who may "deliberately" choose to dress sexy.  Neel on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336679 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 04:48:51 +0000 Neel 1336679@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ *chuckle* a very interesting topic! Although I wouldn't look sexy even if I tried (more like trashy!) I would love to do subtle sexy. The problem is I have never had an occasion to do so. Lol! That explains the backless dress hanging in my closet for like 3 years now ... Without having seen the light of the day even once! .... Obviously I don't want to look sexy to strangers! I would like to wear that on a posh fine dining kind of date night with DH. But that never seems to happen O_O with my two little ones around all the time. So, guess what I am saying is, I do like to do sexy (or try to look sexy .. Alluring) for the right person for the right occasion. But for regular day to day life ... Nope ... Not when I was working .... Not when I was single ... Not now! Aziraphale on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336677 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 04:46:08 +0000 Aziraphale 1336677@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ By the way, thanks everyone for posting such great replies -- it is so interesting to read everyone's perspective! So many thoughtful responses. So much wisdom :-) SarahTheWhite on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336676 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 04:39:07 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1336676@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LOL!!! Aziraphale on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336675 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 04:38:19 +0000 Aziraphale 1336675@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Not if she's dressed like Jessica Rabbit! SarahTheWhite on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336674 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 04:37:46 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1336674@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Haven't you heard? Girl-next-door is supposed to be the best possible kind of sexy! Aziraphale on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336673 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 04:35:29 +0000 Aziraphale 1336673@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh my god, Gaylene, no. I've never been in the position where I have to "swat them away like flies". Hahahaaaaa Bodycon outfits with high heels do make me look much more hourglassy, though. Rectangles have to wear bodycon to show curves. Aziraphale on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336672 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 04:33:04 +0000 Aziraphale 1336672@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ OF COURSE you are Business Bombshell, Mary! That is a perfect moniker for you. :-) But I still think we're not on the same page. I certainly don't want to look like I'm trying too hard -- you're right, no one does -- but if I'm honest with myself, I don't want to look like I'm trying very hard at all. I'd rather look "accidentally" sexy. Does that make sense? I think Gaylene might be on the right track -- the red shoes + bodycon skirt and top made the outfit feel like the media caricature of sexy, which is too obvious for my comfort zone. Rachylou, your comments always make me giggle. Good luck with the gold digging. ;-) Rambling Ann, high five. Red shoes are the best. SarahtheWhite, yes! The makeup analogy is perfect. Conspicuous, heavy makeup looks like you're really trying. Or goth, maybe, but that's a whole different ball of wax. (Mind you, I wouldn't say that I have "that many sexy features to highlight" -- I mean, we all have legs and boobs! I don't think I have any body part that's particularly fantastic. But there's nothing that's especially bad, either. I guess I'm kind of medium. Very girl-next-door). Gaylene on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336671 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 04:30:42 +0000 Gaylene 1336671@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ OK, I think I get the picture: An outfit consisting of 4" red heels, a pencil skirt with a giant snake on it, and a body con sleeveless black top does have a lot of connotations attached to it, especially if you have curves in all the right places. I can see why you chose to dial it back a bit to avoid spending the evening swatting away members of the male sex. It is interesting, though, how certain items of clothing get caught in such a tangle of connotations that just putting them on can cause people to see only the stereotype instead of the individual. The "sexy" uniform, as it were, where you become a commodity instead of a real person. SarahTheWhite on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336665 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 04:17:58 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1336665@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think I understand what you mean. I equate it to makeup. Makeup can be a wonderful tool to help a woman highlight her best features and feel particularly attractive, but doing a heavy eye, prominent blush and a dark lip all at the same time takes it into a whole new realm. To me the issue is one of focus. If you highlight everything, then nothing is highlighted. High heels, lots of cleavage, and super tight bottoms all together equals a sort of sexy free-for-all, and one doesn't know where to look. I think a truly sexy look would be one that calls attention to one specific wonderful feature, and lets the rest fade into the background a little. If you have that many sexy features to highlight, then God bless you! But then you get some variety in choosing which one to highlight at any given moment. MsMary on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336598 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 03:06:08 +0000 MsMary 1336598@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Well, my style moniker is Business Bombshell so your caveat hasn't helped me out much!  LOL  I think when you say "trying too hard to be sexy," you will get pretty much unanimous agreement that nobody wants to look like that.  The "too hard" implies that you got it wrong somehow.  Just plain "trying hard to be sexy?"  Maybe under the right circumstances I would be down with that... Carla on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336583 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 02:50:28 +0000 Carla 1336583@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think confidence is sexy! So feeling great in an outfit can translate as sexy. If your outfit feels too much like a costume, you won't be comfortable, or confident. Though I am a fan of body con, I was slow to warm up to leather (sexy!) and even now I evade the too sexy feel by owning coloured leather (cognac, aubergine) vs black. So, there you go! Thank goodness for variety in fashion and in life. Maybe a spinoff thread should be "what (clothes/outfit) makes you feel sexy?" Jaime on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336551 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 02:31:11 +0000 Jaime 1336551@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think to look sexy you need to look approachable in some sense and this is something I have always found very difficult. Aziraphale on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336548 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 02:28:38 +0000 Aziraphale 1336548@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks for the backup, Suz. Suz on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336514 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 02:03:15 +0000 Suz 1336514@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Yeah. Bombshell I don't do. Can't do without feeling ridiculous.  Subtly alluring I will do. (Like Carla's examples -- great visuals, Carla). Or strong and sexy (an androgynous version).  Nothing wrong with being or feeling sexy. But I don't feel sexy in "conventionally sexy bombshell" looks. I feel a bit silly.  Parsley on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336497 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 01:47:49 +0000 Parsley 1336497@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree, Deb. I think it seems to mean different things to different people.  Aziraphale on "How do you feel about sexy?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-sexy/page/2#post-1336496 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 01:47:38 +0000 Aziraphale 1336496@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This thread has veered off course.  Of course I want to BE sexy, if sexy = attractive. I just feel uncomfortable in outfits that make me feel like I'm trying hard to look sexy. To all of you who say that lots of different looks can be sexy, or that you feel sexier when wearing x, y or z (basically anything that is not bodycon and traditionally feminine): Yes. Absolutely. I fully agree. I personally feel sexiest in slim jeans and rock n' roll booties, actually.  But I'm sure you must agree that red 4" pumps, paired with a slim pencil skirt and a black bodycon (sleeveless) top fits the description for the traditional sexy garb for a woman. And even though I know this look works on me, I feel goofy in it. As if I LOOK like I'm trying too hard. (MsMary, you can wear a pencil skirt and pumps to work and of course it doesn't look like you're trying too hard, because a pencil skirt and pumps is perfectly standard office attire. I'll wager your top isn't skin-tight, though, and your heels are not bright red. Oh, and my pencil skirt has a giant snake printed on it. That probably doesn't help. There's no way I'd wear that outfit to an office! You know, I should post a pic of the outfit, and you'll see what I mean). Sexy is not a dirty word. I didn't mean it that way. Sexy does not equal hoochie, or trashy or whatever. And I think the vast majority of women on this forum, even if they aim for a traditionally sexy look (although it sounds like relatively few of us do), would still like it to be tasteful. Perhaps I should have used the word "bombshell" instead.