YouLookFab Forum » Topic: How do you feel about phone calls?

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: How do you feel about phone calls? https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 17 Apr 2026 15:54:58 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Jules on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2365490 Tue, 16 Jul 2024 16:57:21 +0000 Jules 2365490@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ MsMary, my dad trained me with the phrase "a phone call is only an invitation to talk and you have the option to decline". Of course as a teenager in the 80s and 90s I disagreed but have now come around to his POV! I feel the same about a ringing doorbell (which is almost always just a notification of a drop off delivery, or a solicitor of some kind). My kids are sooooo embarrassed that I will sit in the living room visible from the front porch ignoring people outside. MsMary on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2365047 Fri, 12 Jul 2024 21:20:59 +0000 MsMary 2365047@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I don't pick up a call unless I'm willing to talk. And on the rare occasions when I do call someone (generally at their request) I always start with "am I catching you at a bad time?" I have a friend who always texts to ask if it's a good time before he calls. Anonymous on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2364863 Thu, 11 Jul 2024 14:38:35 +0000 Anonymous 2364863@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ DS and DDL hate phone callas and won't answer if it is not convenient.  As I get older I appreciate  a time to talk.   DonnaF on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360994 Thu, 23 May 2024 22:14:55 +0000 DonnaF 2360994@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ DD30 (so a Millennial) is a caller. That’s how she maintains friendships with now long distance friends. At least with her dad and me she never asks if it is convenient. Maybe I need to train her. She’s the one who almost always initiates; I always worry about intruding so I generally text. I figure that almost always taking her calls even if they’re not 100% convenient is what keeps us (emotionally) close when she’s halfway across the country. We talk maybe 3x/wk. With other folks, mainly Baby Boomers like me, I generally text or email. JAileen on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360853 Wed, 22 May 2024 17:02:22 +0000 JAileen 2360853@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Re letters:  one summer when I was a dining room server in a resort, I had every afternoon off.  I spent it on the beach at the lake, writing letters and reading.  My college roommate and I wrote in Morse Code.  It wasn’t so our letters would be secret, it was so we would learn the code!  It served her well - she ended up having a multi decade career in the Navy.  Actually, I doubt she used the code at all - she was a doctor. ETA:  I’m in several group texts.  I like these - we send each other pictures, notes, etc., and we can respond if or when we want.   judy on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360830 Wed, 22 May 2024 14:52:03 +0000 judy 2360830@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Runcarla and Laurie, this thread also made me think about those letter writing days and the joy of opening the mailbox to a thick envelope with recognizable handwriting.  I'd savor them.  Yes, out of state, out of country and even out of area code phone calls were so expensive then.  How lucky we are now to have such easy global contact. Have you seen the film News From Home by Chantal Ackerman?  It's footage of NYC streets when she lived there in the 70's with a voiceover of Chantal reading her mother's letters.  (there are two versions, one in French and one in English).   <a rel="nofollow" href="https://youtu.be/6ai73JORZfI?si=IeDG0Qfni5mrBJ3T">https://youtu.be/6ai73JORZfI?si=IeDG0Qfni5mrBJ3T</a>   The letters are so mundane, yet heartfelt.   Andy Sartorius on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360815 Wed, 22 May 2024 12:14:04 +0000 Andy Sartorius 2360815@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I got rid of the landline at home 4 years ago. I only received sales cold calls and it bordered on harassment. Everything was there: real estate, energy contracts, insurance, telephony... just bullshit! Now I only have my smartphone. On my voicemail it is not possible to leave a voicemail, I ask people to send me a text ;) And I only answer phone numbers I know :xD Carla on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360792 Wed, 22 May 2024 04:10:53 +0000 Carla 2360792@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ @ Laurie - love your telling of being a letter writer!  When I was a kid in boarding school, phone calls weren’t allowed, but I wrote to my mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, and my Aunt Mary (a stylish single woman!) - and they all wrote back! When DH and I were courting, he had summer jobs that had him living in a tent camp.  He would visit the closest small town for groceries every 10-14 days, then return to camp.  We would write long letters to each other (I would send them c/o the post office and they would hold them for him!)  This pattern of writing to each other persisted for another 3 years after we married - ‘cause field work!  We never got into the habit of long telephone calls. I had girlfriends who had telephone bills that totalled hundreds of dollars from phoning boyfriends - and that was in the early 80’s!  <div> </div><div>I wonder if folks even write letters anymore?</div> Sal on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360784 Wed, 22 May 2024 02:16:39 +0000 Sal 2360784@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree Peri, I think there is a trend towards a dislike of phone calls rather than it being especially generational.  It is more based upon the timing, the interruption and the personality of the receiver.  I don't think it is rude to call without prior notice, nor do I think it is rude if to delay or not take a call if you have something on or are involved with something at the time. As long as we maintain connections through other means then all is good - or not if you prefer that.   April on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360776 Tue, 21 May 2024 23:16:38 +0000 April 2360776@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hmm. I love caller ID so I can ignore anything I don't want to take. Often I will text first and ask if the person can speak. I also have some calls that are scheduled - e.g., my best friend from high school and I speak every Sunday morning at 7:30 am, unless one of her adult children is getting married. I'm kidding but she has had 3 weddings in 2 years.  Inherently rude? No. But I am perhaps in the minority by being 100% capable of ignoring my phone. If they really want to talk, they'll leave a VM and I'll call back.  Laurie on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360757 Tue, 21 May 2024 19:25:21 +0000 Laurie 2360757@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Some related nostalgia:  while going through 60 years of my parents' paperwork, some interesting artifacts included itemized phone bills, and letters. I was a huge letter writer to my parents, indivually or to both together, and my Dad often wrote back but my Mom never did. She was a big phone talker, though, especially after 11 pm. So there were calls and calls and calls to me and my sister in college for most of the '80's! It was a convenient time to talk, given that dorms usually only had 1 phone per floor, in the middle of the hallway, shared by at least 24 people. I never competed for an hour on that phone at that time of the night. It was also interesting that Westinghouse (and, i expect, most companies) itemized and charged back personal phone calls to my Dad. My Mom also used to talk very late at night to her best friend, while they ironed. Like, till 3 a.m.! Jules on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360739 Tue, 21 May 2024 16:08:05 +0000 Jules 2360739@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I hear you Peri, my mom always wanted to talk on the phone but I preferred in person. I just couldn't meet that need for her and was ok with it (of course, there were some more complicated dynamics involved as with all things mother/daughter...). I firmly believe that sometimes in order to preserve certain friendships we have to have healthy boundaries/coping mechanisms in place. I love my phone friend but have realized I enjoy her company more in certain contexts (one-on-one get togethers vs larger groups, choosing familiar activities and places that we have in common from our shared past rather than introducing new ideas, etc).. Peri on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360629 Mon, 20 May 2024 16:27:30 +0000 Peri 2360629@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Opinions are mixed for sure, but they don't seem to be breaking down by generation. I'm thinking, like most such things, the articles I read were over generalizing. Instead, the ideas seem to fall this way: <ul> <li>Most people are fans of prearranging. </li> <li>Failing that and assuming lack of emergency, most people do the courteous thing of asking if it's a good time to talk, and want others to do the same.</li> <li>Is the caller a close friend? Because of course the feelings will vary based on this. </li> <li>A lot is personality. Do you like to talk on the phone? Are you talkative in general? Do you like small talk? Is there a match in these areas between you and the caller? Because if there isn't a match, the differences can often be more tolerable in person than they are with the once removed aspect of the phone. </li> </ul> For the last one, I find talking to my friend in person to be significantly more pleasant than on the phone...and of course, like the first thing, in person is prearranged.  It seems like a few people were put on the defensive by this thread and I'm sorry for that. I truly was just curious if the generational thing was true and it doesn't seem to be, at least in this population sample. Basically, you do you.  Laurie on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360627 Mon, 20 May 2024 16:14:39 +0000 Laurie 2360627@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My sense is that a phone call itself isn't rude, per se, just an unexpected phone call with the caller's expectation that one will drop everything to take it? It is very interesting to me how communication patterns have evolved with technology. I almost never call anyone without texting them first, expect my kids and my sister. I almost never answer a call unless I'm expecting it, except for my kids and husband which I always pick up unless I'm already on a call or work Zoom.  If I ever occasionally spontaneously call out, I am more surprised if someone answers  than not. I figure, if they pick up they made that choice!   I do love a long, pre-arranged chat, especially with equally busy friends, while we are both walking. Multi-tasking at its best. I also like to talk while I'm driving -more multitasking (yes, hands free!).  What I really dislike are voicemail messages. Send me a text or even a voice text but don't make me have to go into voicemail. With the recent advent of voice texting, I am using this much more often for that spontaneous hello. Don't know why it's such an annoyance to me. Janet - laughing about the basement steps memory! I did the same thing with our only phone in the house. Amazing that cord didn't get pulled out of its socket over the years. We were only allowed to use the phone for 10 minutes at a time, though, "in case someone was trying to call". Remember busy signals? So annoying! In retrospect it wasn't a bad rule, but I wanted to talk for hours when I was a teenager and I loathed the 10-minute-rule. judy on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360614 Mon, 20 May 2024 14:08:10 +0000 judy 2360614@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Perhaps I enjoy the phone because calls are a rare event for me.  I don't have more than a handful or so per week, both incoming and outgoing. I understand if one is on the phone all day at work, one needs a break.  Also, with social media we have windows into each others lives that may have replaced some of the need to catch up and have a conversation...?  I do find it comical though to blame someone for calling when we are in the middle of a movie ...when the phone wasn't silenced, and you picked up and then listened to them...or calling us from a car...how dare they??  ...as if those are just the rudest things.  In my current life of several people in a small house, the car is one of my only places for a truly private conversation!   RachelNZ on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls/page/2#post-2360593 Mon, 20 May 2024 01:30:04 +0000 RachelNZ 2360593@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Quite a bit of variation and it doesn't seem to be generational per se. I'm a millennial who talks on the phone a lot with both family and friends. However these do tend to be pre-arranged either with a text right beforehand or a few days in advance. Dad will text 'u free' and that's an indicator that he is keen for a chat. I will either call him right back or text back if I'm busy, generally indicating when I will call instead. Dad has always been someone who keeps in touch with family/friends via phone calls so I wonder if I have subliminally absorbed this approach? Pretty much every Sunday morning he calls his two closest sisters and he would talk to his other 3 siblings on a regular basis as well.  I don't tend to do much texting/messaging with friends, we either catch-up in person or talk on the phone. I have two close friends who live elsewhere and we tend to talk for an hour plus every 1-2 months but I will even call local friends when we are struggling to co-ordinate an in-person catch-up. It definitely helps me to feel more connected to them as I feel we can delve into how we actually are in more depth than in a message. I feel this is especially important as many of my friends are in the throes of young children and it would be easy to miss the challenges they are navigating plus hearing about all the positives!  I spend a huge amount of my work time on Teams calls, both pre-arranged meetings and spontaneous. Often if someone has sent me a question via a Teams message, I will just call then back. It's generally important for me to have wider context before I can give an answer to their questions and I often stumble into other information via these conversations. avicennia on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360592 Mon, 20 May 2024 01:20:03 +0000 avicennia 2360592@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ A number of us are with you @Sal. I understand @Peri’s conundrum, which is different to what worries you and me. Like you, I worry about the effect of social isolation on individual and societal well-being. My friends and I are entering the sandwich years, with careers at their peak, school-age kids and parents entering later life. We need each other, and now more than ever. So I’m not giving up on reaching out to people spontaneously. Because I get that people might be in the middle of a task, I often send a text saying “time for a call?” I usually hear back from them within the hour. When I receive a call from a friend during work hours or school day evenings, knowing that they know I have a hectic life and job, I know they really need me, and I’ll step of whatever meeting I’m in or stop whatever task I’m doing. They’ll be there for me when I call without texting ahead. Things happen, and sometimes bad things happen and people need support. This is entirely different from the friend that doesn’t respect other people’s time (@Peri’s problem). But, I’ve also felt some sadness reading through this thread. Sal on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360585 Sun, 19 May 2024 22:18:00 +0000 Sal 2360585@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This thread is thought provoking but it makes me feel sad.  At the risk of offending people I want to offer a different perspective. I do get it - when we are at home relaxing or busy with other tasks (or an actual person in the room) then phone calls can be distracting or inconvenient.  And some people don't pick up the cues that it is not a good time or you prefer a different way of communicating. But the result is fewer connections, and sometimes what are we prioritising instead of people who might either need us - and maybe one day we might need or want them?   It makes me miss the days when my phone rang regularly and I had people calling in for coffee or chat - despite a busy and messy house with preschoolers and a need to get my paid work done as well.   Echo on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360565 Sun, 19 May 2024 01:18:05 +0000 Echo 2360565@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree about setting a time to call or talk. But I've had friends lose friendships and a woman I know actually had a child lose daycare services because of texts. Both of them assumed a tone that wasn't actually intended in messages they received and flew off the handle about it. Those things could have easily been prevented had they simply picked up the phone. I text quite a bit; it's a time-saver when we're all busy. But when you have something important to say, I think it is worthwhile doing so in person or at least over the phone. Social cues are so easy to miss in a text and people can easily get the wrong impression. Janet on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360528 Sat, 18 May 2024 14:28:38 +0000 Janet 2360528@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Gen X here and I laugh recalling the days of epically long phone calls with my BFFs, pulling the receiver on its long cord down into the basement stairway from the kitchen to get some modicum of privacy. Now I don’t particularly care to talk for long on the phone. I do like a text first to make sure it’s a good time to call or talk. I want to give a perspective on people who call while they are driving. I do that! I HATE talking on the phone in front of anyone else, even my husband (I also don’t like it when people talk on the phone for an extended time while they are with me), so I like to get out of the house first. Sometimes I’ll even park up in the cul de sac outside our driveway and chat from there before I head out on the road if I really want to have my attention be undivided. Just a perspective from the driver-phone person! And I’m always in hands free mode, just to be clear. kellygirl on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360461 Fri, 17 May 2024 15:53:36 +0000 kellygirl 2360461@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Gen X here. This is so interesting. I definitely will not be calling anyone who isn't immediate family any time in the near future! Fortunately, I rarely make or receive social phone calls. Work - that is another story but now I may have a better understanding of why some people never pick up without a text/email prompt - "Call me ASAP." Jules on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360460 Fri, 17 May 2024 15:35:07 +0000 Jules 2360460@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Don't pick up her calls. If this feels difficult for you due to some internalized sense of obligation perhaps text her some hours later: "sorry I wasn't able to take your call. did you have something in particular to discuss?" which seems like it will likely be ignored - perfect.  As Gen X I have only one remaining friend who still has the habit of calling spontaneously for a long chat. But since I long ago lost the habit of answering the phone (landline is unplugged, cell phone ring usually turned down or off), she has learned that it's best to message me to plan a phone call at an agreed day/time which means I am forewarned and ready to talk.  Carla on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360383 Thu, 16 May 2024 15:16:07 +0000 Carla 2360383@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Boomer with a land line.  I hate the telephone.  Period.  Associate the ring with ‘emergency’ or more often these days ‘telephone scam’.   <div> </div><div>Once a week there’s a one hour phone conversation with my mom, who doesn’t have a smart phone/device.  </div><div> </div><div>Of course, I was on the phone, I suspect 4+/8 hours a day, when I was in the world of work.</div> Sal on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360335 Thu, 16 May 2024 03:44:14 +0000 Sal 2360335@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I feel similarly to Kate - I ignore the odd call or delay calling back, but in the most part I am excited to hear from my family and friends.  If it's a bad time I text and get back to them later. People call up a lot less than they used to - I miss it to be honest!   I use MS Teams for work but I like a phone call for chat as I often talk and tidy up at the same time. Kate on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360323 Thu, 16 May 2024 00:35:38 +0000 Kate 2360323@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Boomer here. I'm with Ginger. Cell phones give me many ways to manage calls according to my schedule, and I use them. That said, when old friends call out of the blue, I love it. I have a couple of friends who live on the west coast who I speak with on the phone regularly and we can talk for an hour or more. We always set a time to do so.  I do find find speaking on the phone much more intimate than Facetime, which my husband prefers. Thank goodness I don't have to use Zoom anymore. JAileen & Irina, we also have a landline! I think about ditching it every so often, but something stays my hand every time. RobinF on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360291 Wed, 15 May 2024 19:23:46 +0000 RobinF 2360291@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think some people are just phone-talkers and some aren't. I'm not and never have been, so texting is a great invention for me Most people will text me and if we have to talk about something we make sure it is a good time. I don't think of a call as being rude but  just don't answer if I don't want to talk :) My kids are different though. My oldest son and I talk every couple of weeks and I love those calls. He lives a few hours away so I don't see him in person a lot. My daughter lives even further and she will facetime me every few weeks and text in between. We like to show each other things, new projects or whatever, so that works for us. And my youngest lives in town so I see him in person 3 or 4 times a month. I like that too! We also have a family text thread that is pretty active and keeps us up on each other.  My sister and I will talk too but always check first that we are available. If she just called me out of the blue I would think it was an emergency.  I'm a Boomer but so far at the tail end that I don't really consider myself one. No land line any more. Much prefer texts. cat2 on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360267 Wed, 15 May 2024 16:06:05 +0000 cat2 2360267@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I like setting a time to talk. rachylou on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360257 Wed, 15 May 2024 15:53:04 +0000 rachylou 2360257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ That’s a firm NO. I despise phone calls. AND email. AND voicemails. Hilariously my old neighbor was trying to get a hold of me recently. But we’re both so anti talking that neither of us picks up on our cellphones. She doesn’t even make outgoing calls on hers - she only makes calls from a Kaiser health insurance phone, and as I have Kaiser, I especially don’t pick up those lolol :) Eventually, I realised the only way we would talk is if she called my landline. I can screen calls on that ancient thing. Guess it’s a good thing I still have one. Hahaha! Star (Lise) on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360241 Wed, 15 May 2024 13:51:08 +0000 Star (Lise) 2360241@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I always text first to my friend in SA to ask if she is free to chat.  She told me though I can call any time I want to but I still ask if she can talk.  There is a woman friend who lives in another town (an ex-school friend) of my DH who phones unannounced and talks for at least one hour, she clearly is bored and has free minutes.  Usually we are watching a movie when she calls.  So annoying.  Now he does not answer her calls, says he does not have the energy to listen to her BS.  IMO You must be quite self-absorbed to think someone is available any time when you want them to be.  Your friend seem to fall in to this category, considering that you have explained the situation to her and she carries on.  Only answer her calls if you want to and have the time, as my DH does. judy on "How do you feel about phone calls?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-phone-calls#post-2360238 Wed, 15 May 2024 13:17:20 +0000 judy 2360238@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It's very interesting how phone habits have changed, isn't it?  So many prearranged calls now, and assuming a spontaneous call is an emergency.  I agree, Suz, that phone calls feel more intimate than Facetime.  And avicennia I also feel honored if a friend calls out of the blue.   Ginger's comment might encapsulate the problem I hear some of you have with random calls.:   I think it's rude to deem a phone call inherently rude.  :)  It seems to be an assumption about every person who uses a phone in a way that had been culturally acceptable, ordinary, and expected for nearly 100 years. So is the problem the actual phone calls, or the assumptions being made about the person making the phone calls ?  That their time is more valuable or they are just bored, or it's so annoying they call me from the car, etc, etc.