https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 27 Apr 2026 23:40:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter/page/2#post-1626671 Wed, 09 Mar 2016 00:44:53 +0000 Mochi 1626671@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Shoot, I had this whole post drafted and it got sucked into the ether! Not going to rewrite the whole thing, but thanks for all the comments! I agree/relate/commiserate pretty much on all points. </p> <p>I just have to add that my involvement in tango has had some impact on my on-and-off questioning of whether I'm presenting as "feminine" enough...it's a world where women are in 4- or 5-inch heels, lots of them, though many of us are sensible (in other words, I am incapable of even standing, much less dancing in these menacing, sexy shoes)...but it's a kind of ideal. I also can't grow my hair out--it just will not obey. So I love much of my androgynous style, but in some aspects of it, I am submitting rather than selecting. &nbsp;</p> <p>And rachy, if I didn't at least occasionally bring a wacky anthropological conundrum to the table, I wouldn't be doing my job....</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter/page/2#post-1626666 Wed, 09 Mar 2016 00:25:06 +0000 Angie 1626666@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My word. People can be so inappropriate. Shrug it off, Nancy. Onto the next compliment.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626664 Wed, 09 Mar 2016 00:16:54 +0000 Brooklyn 1626664@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Take it as a compliment. I think it means he thought you looked too cool to be straight. Also, he looked at you and thought you were approachable enough for a D&amp;M chat. And that's a good thing about your appearance, even if he was a little strange :)<br /> And Lol Rachy. There is a serious lack of diversity in the IT industry. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626611 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 22:10:06 +0000 Helena 1626611@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Woe, tryint to define someone's sexuality based on the colour and brand of their shoes ... To quote Inigo Montoya, I do not think that word means what he thinks it means ...! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626571 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 19:13:31 +0000 rabbit 1626571@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've had randoms tell me that my father is my husband, or my husband is related by blood to me, or that I'm French or Scottish, or a student, etc. &nbsp; Wacky perception is in the eye of the beholder. &nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p>Like <b>rachylou </b>I live in a city where certain style markers can sometimes be part of a specific lgbt tribe signifier, but also can overlap with other tribes. &nbsp; It seems like many of us belong to multiple tribes simultaneously actually, and &nbsp;code-switching can happen on depending who you are going to see that day. &nbsp; Unless you are wearing a head to toe look where every item is pretty much specific to tribal identity, like teen goth. &nbsp;</p> <p>Actually my thought is, so what if someone thinks I might be lesbian or bi, that's cool. &nbsp;I admire and sometimes emulate certain menswear as womenswear looks both straight and gay women wear, and sometimes certain tomboy/sporty looks--but my style rarely strays into full on bike messenger territory, I think I'm too old, and um not on a bike that much. :)</p> <p>I'm wondering if short edgy haircuts might be the area where people overgeneralize too much without more data points, rather than actual clothes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626544 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 17:51:52 +0000 rachylou 1626544@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ok. I love this thread because it's about tribalism and being talked to by weird people on the street... who nonetheless don't get out enough...</p> <p>ps: Astrid, I think that is hilarious! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626371 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 10:32:27 +0000 Astrid 1626371@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That conversation doesn't say anything about you, just about him.</p> <p>I know for a fact that a few people in school thought I was a lesbian because of my pixie cut and because I didn't join their crazy talk about boys. I think they needed a simple explanation why someone wouldn't want to be like them - people are stupid. I didn't care what they thought. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626369 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 10:20:20 +0000 Maneera 1626369@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That sounds like a very weird encounter, Mochi...but you handled it so well! </p> <p>Don't give this another thought. Some people think they're so *smart*, they can *know* all there is to you without even knowing you. They judge people based on what they look like, and then think it's totally OK to voice their thoughts. I strongly dislike such people. I don't think it's *cool* to start a conversation like that. </p> <p>Just because your style has fewer feminine details doesn't mean you look gay!!!! Infact, I don't think lesbians are not feminine. I know some who are quite feminine too! </p> <p>As for your friend, I can understand why that comment bothered you. Believe me when I say that there is nothing 'masculine' about you. You have a great style that's quite 'You' </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626357 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 06:22:18 +0000 rachylou 1626357@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, so there *is* a *lesbian style* that involves Converse... Thing is, it's the exact same style as *I work in IT*... I don't want to say anything, but diversity in tech is totally an issue... No big bulky lumberjack type has ever come to fix my email. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626335 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 04:23:54 +0000 gradfashionista 1626335@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The guy sounded odd and I would leave it at that, but it's clearly touched on some insecurity that might prompt you to consider whether your style image is the one you want to project. FYI I live in Converse-like sneakers, BF jeans and leather jackets right now, but don't consider that indicative in any way of my sexual preferences. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626315 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 03:01:51 +0000 unfrumped 1626315@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree , shrug it off.<br /> You may be interested on your own in increasing feminine aspect of outfits-- same as any style goal, be it to add edge, add tomboy, androgyny, add ladylike, authority. Things related to both messages/ clothing codes and/ or aligning with identity or inner feelings.<br /> Problem is, this guy is not who you want to use as the arbiter of what you are achieving!</p> <p>Added bonus is Rachylou, ROFL as per usual. Makes my day. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626279 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 00:43:07 +0000 DonnaF 1626279@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a crazy person encounter!&nbsp; None of the dozens of lesbians I know wear red Chucks or even Doc Martens.&nbsp; I can't think of any with black motos, but one gal had a dark brown moto which went better with her hair.&nbsp; My minister, who is lesbian and is the most girly and stylish adult in the congregation, wears Poetic License heels among other brands.&nbsp; The other (lesbian) minister wears d'Orsay pumps. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626251 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 22:54:11 +0000 Mochi 1626251@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>WHOA, Sterling, what ever happened to imitation being the highest form of flattery? Plus, you know, Doc Martens are expensive! There are much more cost-effective ways of mocking people. I cannot believe how wacky people can be.&nbsp;</p> <p>And Rachy, triple LOL. You always have a great tie-in story no matter WHAT I throw out there.&nbsp;</p> <p>Thanks for all the comments. Believe me, I am not concerned or dwelling on the guy. Oh, he asked me where I was from and I said, "New York." Then it turns out he had prayed that morning that he would run into someone from New York. I guess it was me. I told him if he's that good he shouldn't waste his prayers on stuff like that, more like on Lotto tickets. He was weird, but the gayness and the Boston accent made me cut him some momentary slack. I just can't explain why--I'm from New York and at first I just thought he was colorful. The whole exchange was maybe two minutes long.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626248 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 22:40:56 +0000 Echo 1626248@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I worked for years in customer service, and believe me, I am a freak magnet. Never, never, never take seriously what some random "off" person says to you out of the blue. The things they say reflect them, not you, and not usually reality, either. I know that you are a sensitive and insightful person, but please don't overthink this. I guarantee you that Random Crazy Man doesn't remember you, what he said to you, or why he said it.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626239 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 22:13:14 +0000 Anonymous 1626239@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I find it interesting that he based his decision on <u>your shoes</u>. &nbsp;</p> <p>I have a story. &nbsp;In my town, the lesbian community decreed that Doc Martens would be their uniform (an unspoken code). &nbsp;That was not a problem at all. &nbsp;But when Doc Martens became fashionable and were being worn by women across all walks of life, the lesbian community thought they were being mocked. &nbsp;They became really, really mad. &nbsp;They started confronting perfect strangers and asking them "what their deal was." &nbsp;The poor woman in the grocery store had no clue what was happening. &nbsp;I started to step in to explain what was happening, but I got embarrassed and opted to mind my business. It was uncomfortable. &nbsp;The store manager had be to called. &nbsp;</p> <p>Today NO ONE wears Doc Martens, at least that I see. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626231 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 21:59:33 +0000 rachylou 1626231@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh also - have I told everyone my story of when I met Justine Bateman's stalker? There I am sitting in a cafe minding my own business and this guy starts talking to me. He tells me he's not interested in me 'that way' (what I'm not cute enough?!). It somehow gets out that I'd just seen Justine in a play that week. So then it all comes out. It must have been the Justine nearness vibe I was giving off. She's his true love. Blah blah. Next night, I hear the SWAT team had to get him out of the theatre bathroom he'd blockaded himself in... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626227 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 21:31:17 +0000 texstyle 1626227@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think most of us have had a strange (and not really welcomed) comment or two made to us at one point or another.&nbsp; Sometimes they <i>are</i> bothersome. I remember a friend years ago saying something to the effect of "all normal women want children" and "only 10% or fewer of women don't." Well, that percentage may have been totally wrong, but it's the point of stating to someone "I don't think you are normal in my book" that hit home. She even went on to say that she didn't think people without children could possibly know what it's like to really love another human being in quite the same way as a mother. </p> <p>That person was on the verge of becoming a mother, so hormones were likely part of her thoughts, but nonetheless it was one of several things that made me realize it wasn't a healthy friendship for me to continue. </p> <p>FWIW, I don't see you as dressing or projecting in a masculine way from your WIWs here at all Mochi.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626202 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 20:08:35 +0000 Anonymous 1626202@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It is of my own opinion that this guy was "fishing". Making something up to see if you would bite and then who knows what would have progressed from there. I am someone who does not trust strangers and can spot a fake a mile away. Good thing that you walked away and do not assume anything based on what he said. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626197 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 19:53:09 +0000 Anonymous 1626197@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Perceptions are very personal and biased. Even when people try to tell you their opinion, as it's verbalized it's being filtered through social acceptability, tact or hostility, motive, etc. Impossible to really assess the value!<br />I'm going to go out on a limb here and imagine that even though you're not gay, this guy is not who you want to date next, so I'd just feel a little sorry for myself that I had to put up with that, admire my own resourcefulness in extracting myself &nbsp;and move on. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626190 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 19:28:26 +0000 rachylou 1626190@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lololol! That is hilarious, Mochi. Couple of days ago our neighborhood speed freak joined me for my coffee break. Your guy is one up on mine, because I have no idea what tie-dye tights speedy was saying.</p> <p>If you want to know, tho, if you're doing Lesbian Fashion, the answer is no. You have a fancy artsy earthy aspect to your style that sometimes the sheltered think is Lesbian Fashion. Berkeley Feminist Earth Mothers and Episcopalian Lady Reverends are responsible for this confusion. Ok, they're not, but everyone comingles at the Health Food store.</p> <p>Btw... so when I was very very young I went to St. Louis and was surprised at how many openly gay people there were... Right. Not so. It was just that there was a big contingent of gay Midwesterners who came out to the coast and Midwestern Fashion was Gay Fashion out here... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626167 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 18:51:55 +0000 RoseandJoan 1626167@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Converse are so gender neutral though, I see them as neither masculine or feminine. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626158 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 18:41:27 +0000 Mochi 1626158@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The earlier statement from when I was 21 has bothered me, though, I have to admit. I guess everyone has had bizarre things said to them? Not just me? Or am I a sponge for people's weird comments?&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626156 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 18:39:38 +0000 Mochi 1626156@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I analyze things a lot.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626155 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 18:39:01 +0000 Mochi 1626155@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Not really, but I can't help reflecting on it. It makes me wonder sometimes what kind of perceptions people form based on externals. And also I'm truly interested in "feminine" vs. "masculine" identities (through clothes, but not limited to that).&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626148 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 18:24:09 +0000 texstyle 1626148@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Do you really care what he thought? I wouldn't. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626144 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 18:19:12 +0000 Anonymous 1626144@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>God, people say the weirdest things. But he sounded a bit odd anyways, so consider the source. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626116 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 16:21:11 +0000 JAileen 1626116@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My mother and I went to a same sex wedding in Toronto years ago (2002 or 2003). My husband stayed home with our son because school was in session. One of the people getting married was maid of honor at our wedding. At a party (not the reception) someone asked me if I were gay. I was surprised because no one had ever asked me that before. I laughed and said no, and neither is my husband. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626086 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 15:39:18 +0000 Mochi 1626086@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really do have to sign off, heh, but I'll say it's dogged me for a long time, not whether I project as gay or not but rather a sense that I don't project as feminine very well. I remember very very well a woman making some offhand remark to me when I was 21: she said that if I were a man, I'd be really good-looking! I have no idea where that even came from! Sigh </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626081 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 15:32:37 +0000 Jenn 1626081@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I feel like you handled that really well. </p> <p>It's interesting how we use dress signals to identify people as part of our "tribe," even though they're probably not as accurate as we assume them to be. &nbsp;When I think over my lesbian friends and acquaintances, I can't really pinpoint a single thread that runs through all of their styles, and yet, we all have the stereotypes that really don't hold up to reality, in either direction.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/hot-and-run-post-on-a-weird-encounter#post-1626079 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 15:29:59 +0000 Mochi 1626079@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am fine with whatever people think I am. It is just funny that red Converses would be the smoking gun. I do suspect that I skew somewhat masculine in how I dress. I don't feel right in super-girly clothes and shoes, anyway. But I'd like to play with feminine touches. Or at least I keep saying that. Tango gives me an outlet to wear the occasional heel and dress, lol. </p>