https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 05 May 2026 00:40:48 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy/page/2#post-208564 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:45:20 +0000 Barbara 208564@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am always honest, sometimes brutally so. But I'll never deliver my opinion in a rude or mean-spirited manner. Everyone here seems to be quite civilized about what they have to say. IMHO, the main objective is to have FUN! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy/page/2#post-208559 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:32:29 +0000 RoseandJoan 208559@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This site is very different from other fashion websites, most of us are on a style journey and are learning as we go, we value each other for our shared experience and Angie is always encouraging but firm. </p> <p>Some websites offer a carrot where as a lot offer the stick, this website falls into the former category. I have personally always received supportive and constructive feedback of the lose the belt or top to short variety and I find it invaluable. </p> <p>I would honestly recommend just jumping in on the WIW threads and speaking the truth just bear in mind there are real people awaiting your response. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy/page/2#post-208558 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:31:44 +0000 judy 208558@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting topic you bring up, Martie. </p> <p> I wonder is it's the difference between critiquing every outfit on it's own merits (the perfect color, proportion, fit, accessories, let's say) vs. supporting the woman to evolve her own style by discovering what fits and flatters her own particular body type?</p> <p> So what someone posts may be just about the fit, that they are getting used to, or just about shoes that they are trying out. The feedback helps the learning process, and I find there is a balance here between these two extremes" of perfect outfit" and support of that one's discovery.</p> <p> It is a tender subject, bodies and whether or not one feels attractive. I feel Angie has set a respectful, helpfully suggestive tone on the forum, while at the same time being very clear what works and does not. I think how you have been received here is an example of that as well! She has embraced your suggestions and I hope you can stick around if you feel to do so. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy/page/2#post-208548 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:11:47 +0000 RandomThoughts (Andrea) 208548@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Martie, I hope you don't just go away or stop posting. Your perspective is every bit as relevant as that belonging to anyone else.</p> <p>You knew your comments may not be well received, so that should come as no surprise to you, whether it was your content or the delivery. I've posted one WIW thus far. It wasn't my best outfit ever but I thought it was fun and it was a little outside my comfort zone so I thought, what the heck?</p> <p>Constructive criticism is great, but as others have pointed out it must be constructive and it's quite personal when you open yourself up about how you dress. Being kind is more helpful than brutal honesty. People can learn in an atmosphere of caring. If people were too blunt in their criticisms I suspect the number of WIW posts would drop significantly and that isn't what most of us want. I draw a lot of inspiration from seeing what other people wear.</p> <p>I hope you post again, Martie. And I hope you'll offer kindly worded, constructive criticism if you see a WIW that you don't think works. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy/page/2#post-208528 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 16:08:42 +0000 biscuitsmom 208528@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As has been said many times by many people this is what sets YLF apart from most fashion boards- people respect each other and are kind and constructive in their responses whether they like a person's style or not. I think everyone here does a fabulous job with that and is one of the many reasons Im very, very happy to be on this board </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy/page/2#post-208332 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 04:00:01 +0000 Kyle 208332@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like the topic and various perspectives. I have sometimes wanted tougher criticism to help me improve or tweak an outfit or understand how to take it to the next level. I have also wondered on occasion if people were just being nice in their praise, but perhaps that is insecurity. That said, I also appreciate that people are not snarky or mean spirited here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy/page/2#post-208324 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 03:48:22 +0000 Refugee 208324@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>An upfront preface about me:<br /> No, I have not posted even one WIW.<br /> I wish I had the time to comment more here because I have learned so much.<br /> I love the helpful atmosphere here and try to be a part of that.<br /> On to replying to this post specifically:<br /> I do not say something looks great if I do not honestly believe that it does. If I can say why something does not work I will cetianly speak up. By the same token, I will sit quietly if something does not work for me but I cannot articulate why. My natural personality is to be quite snarky and I know I can come off as abrasive if I am not careful. With the amount of help I have received here (simply by reading posts and looking at the photos people have posted here) I would not want to be ungrateful by being rude by posting an off the cuff remark.<br /> If you want an uncensored, off the cuff remark to your post I would be happy to give one. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208316 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 03:43:59 +0000 taylor 208316@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>hmmm, I wonder if you are confusing politeness, support and sensitivity in our replies as not being as critical, or honest as we could be.? </p> <p>You stated that you would come here and post a photo for reassurance...I believe that is exactly what everyone one does here...offer reassurance in a polite, sensitive and supportive way.<br /> Honestly, there is only one fashion stylist here and that is Angie...I try to leave the critiquing to her , unless a specific question is asked, then I will chime in honestly, as I believe everyone else does.</p> <p>I also agree with Jenava </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208309 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 03:37:47 +0000 Jenava 208309@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have to say, I am completely offended at Martie's last sentence about men. Ugh...if that's all we dressed for can you imagine what we'd look like? Yeesh.</p> <p>I don't think anything is broken with the way we critique outfits. I've almost always got good feedback on my questions. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208270 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 02:49:30 +0000 Angie 208270@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Martie, I for one really appreciate that you took the trouble to share your honest feelings about this. You could have just as easily clicked onto the next place in the Internet. And it has generated a thought provoking discussion.</p> <p>I also understand some people might feel a bit insulted by the implication that they are being dishonest. People go to great effort (and invest a lot of time) in providing constructive feedback.</p> <p>As the forum moderator here, I appreciate ALL respectful perspectives, so you certainly don’t have to hold back if something doesn’t work according to your eye. </p> <p>For me the big positive thing that comes out of this thread is the extent to which it shows how people in this community are so thoughtful about the way they treat each other. This is extremely emotional terrain and it is very difficult to be constructive without hurting someone’s feelings. </p> <p>The other thing that occurred to me is that maybe we should get back into using the CRS Patience suggested. Greg and I thought about building CRS feedback into the site (“opt in” of course). What do you think? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208221 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 01:57:59 +0000 annagybe 208221@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't think it's all milk and honey here. I once had a veteran tell me point blank that my look was too hard. I also don't get a huge amount of comments on my looks. But I'm ok with that because I feel pretty secure with my look and also realize it's definitely not for everyone.<br /> The last time I wore a white button down shirt was for a job interview two years ago. I've since lost 40 lbs since that interview and got rid of the shirt. I never replaced it because it doesn't fit my current style or life style. My style is not classic and occasionally not figure flattering. For example I like harem pants, but they do not make my hips, thighs and rear look svelte. I think they're fun and an interesting silhouette.<br /> Constructive criticism is good, but it should be constructive. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208217 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 01:50:41 +0000 April 208217@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Martie -- I have found, after being here for a reasonable amount of time, that </p> <p>1.) there will always be things that I don't think work but that others do, and vice versa. That's the subjectivity of fashion and aesthetics that Maya alluded to. (Frankly, if I thought my view was always correct, I wouldn't have found this site in the first place because I wouldn't have been looking for help.) </p> <p>2.) if someone has truly gone astray, someone will generally point it out. Angie is remarkably good about saying, "I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't give my opinion..." and other forum members are also willing to say "that would work better if..." I've been on the receiving end of many such comments in my time here so I know that they are offered and that they have helped me see my clothing in a more critical way. (Helpfully critical rather than my-confidence-has-been-destroyed critical, which is a key distinction.)</p> <p>It's possible that this won't turn out the be the right forum for you but I hope you'll at least stick around long enough to see how it works, because it really does. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208211 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 01:44:28 +0000 Jonesy 208211@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I lurked for a long time on this forum before I started posting, and I have read A LOT of posts/replies! I *do* think that people offer constructive criticism--I really don't see people automatically liking everything or being dishonest, as you imply. </p> <p>Two things about this forum that might not be perfectly congruent with your approach, and thus be causing you some discomfort: People are really encouraged to have fun with their clothes and to take risks, and people are genuinely kind and supportive toward each other. Re. the first thing: Maybe you are more conservative or classic in your style, so when you see others wearing trends and sporting edgier looks, it just looks off to you, and you can't possibly believe that others find these looks attractive. But lots of people--even discerning people--like to see people trying out trends and making the trends work for them. It's fun! It's creative! </p> <p>Re. the second thing: Maybe all of this politeness just strikes you as "sugar coating" it, but again, this doesn't mean that people are lying or being dishonest. The tone of the comments reminds me of what I would say if I were shopping with a close friend or relative. If I didn't like something, I would be polite about it, and try to be constructive, being careful not to say anything hurtful. Perhaps, since this is an online community, people try to be even more tactful, since it's easier in real life to add warmth or shades of meaning to constructive criticism.</p> <p>Just my two cents, of course! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208205 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 01:37:36 +0000 shana 208205@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I always try to be honest in giving feedback whether or not anyone else agrees with me because that is what I expect from others. I am not looking for false flattery or an ego boost but polite, constructive criticism, feedback on fit &amp; flattery &amp; suggestions on how to improve etc. </p> <p>I think Queenie makes an excellent point. It takes alot of guts to take a picture of yourself and post it on the internet for the whole world to see. I think we all try our best to gauge where someone might be on their style journey and temper our feedback based on that. </p> <p>I agree that personal taste plays a great role in how one perceives an outfit. I am (or strive to be) modern classic - I can't help but judge every outfit I look at from that perspective. I try to lay aside my personal like/dislike of certain trends and give feedback on fit &amp; flattery but there are definitely some looks that I just don't get. I generally don't respond at all to these. I think we've had this discussion before and this is what most people do (and not necessarily lie through their teeth!).</p> <p>WIW's are a minefield though. These are outfits that people have actually stepped out the door wearing. Do they really want to hear that perhaps their outfit was not quite right? I am not sure so I try to err on the side of caution. </p> <p>As in the real world, I'm sure the forum suffers from some degree of groupthink. Not that often though. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208197 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 01:23:47 +0000 Maya 208197@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmm. I have had some time to marinate on this post since I read it a few hours ago. </p> <p>First of all, it seems a bit audacious to assume that we are being less than forthright simply because our opinions differ from yours. I am not sure what post you are talking about, but it doesn't really matter. What I *do* know is that fashion is largely subjective. Whatever you thought of the outfits in question is by no means a factual statement.</p> <p>It actually seems to me as though you feel you are being attacked, although thus far the posts in response have been mostly respectful. I am honestly a little confused as to the motivation behind this post. Is it to give us a reality check? To call us out? If so it seems to have somewhat backfired on you and now you appear defensive.</p> <p>As you can see from this post, I certainly do not mince words or hold back.</p> <p>My order of operations when it comes to giving feedback are as follows:</p> <p>-If I can't comment objectively on something, I will make that clear in my post or just not comment at all. There are certain things I just don't like. It does not make them wrong. It is simply not my cup of tea. </p> <p>-If I do like something, I will say so and try to write at least a word or two as to why so the person understands why it works, or at least gets a boost of confidence.</p> <p>-If I don't like something but can't explain why, I won't comment. It isn't helpful or constructive to the person seeking feedback to just hear "I don't like it" without any explanation as to why.</p> <p>-If I do have a reason for not liking something, I will say so, even if it isn't the popular opinion. I feel it is the obligation of the community to present all sides and viewpoints and let the poster determine which side they fall on.</p> <p>I feel I have been remarkably consistent and balanced with my feedback. </p> <p>I also disagree heartily that a white shirt and jeans is appropriate for all or even most situations. Once again, this is a very vague statement that is subjective at best. Distinguishing opinion from fact is imperative to being a productive and helpful member in this community.</p> <p>If you see something you don't like, I would encourage you to speak up. But please try to keep an open mind and do not make assumptions about the motivations and thought processes of others. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208097 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 23:42:07 +0000 Rosie 208097@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've been MIA the past couple weeks (my apologies, will update soon, all is terrific) but I wanted to chime in briefly. </p> <p>We all definitely err on the side of polite, which is what makes this a warm, congenial place where people feel comfortable. I definitely feel that people are honest in the most constructive way possible. I agree with what has been said about personal preference playing a part in feedback, and sometimes people don't respond if they are unsure how to frame their critique in a positive manner that will be helpful, not hurtful. No one here wants to make anyone feel attacked or put down. I also think that as people get to know each other a bit, people become more honest. People also get to know the taste of the wearer. </p> <p>I have to catch up on my reading, but doesn't Angie's recent post <a href="http://youlookfab.com/2010/08/26/what-makes-an-outfit-flattering/" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/2010/08/.....lattering/</a> perhaps get to the heart of this issue? It is often in the eye of the beholder. Your aims may not be the same as mine. I may not care when people's ankles look large, but it might be the thing you dislike the most! </p> <p>I think (and hope) that you will find as you continue to read more that we are all pretty honest with each other, and that we DO ask for and encourage honest feedback. I think one thing to remember is that it is important to post *why* something is not flattering, because only then is the comment constructive. As stated above, often when I can't figure out what it is I don't love, I think about it for a while and may not make it back to post. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208088 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 23:13:13 +0000 MsMary 208088@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Martie, I'm interested to hear what kind of responses you expected from your original post? I do agree that you seem to be posting your opinion as fact, and perhaps assuming that those who post differing opinions must therefore be ... what? Purposely being dishonest?</p> <p>I do think that the people who have positive things to say are probably more likely to give feedback than those who think an outfit missed the mark entirely. I know I try to follow the old "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all" rule, especially in matters of style which is not my area of expertise. So to a point I think you're right that the feedback may be skewed towards the positive.</p> <p>It's not possible, I guess, to get inside people's heads to see whether they really mean what they post, but after reading this thread do you still think people are posting dishonest feedback? And is there anything anybody could say to convince you otherwise? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208086 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 23:08:33 +0000 Martie 208086@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well didn't she tell me. I'm done should have kept quite. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208085 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 23:03:48 +0000 Anonymous 208085@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208081 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:57:17 +0000 Ana 208081@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's okay, Martie. I think it wasn't so much that we didn't appreciate what you had to say, more that it may just have been how you said it. At the very least it generated some interesting discussion. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208080 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:54:56 +0000 Tanya 208080@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmm, I do not think people saw it as personal attack. It is more the fact that you say that some things are not flattering as if it were a well accepted fact, while really, it is *you* who thinks that they are not flattering and others might agree or not. </p> <p>Most of the people here will start they comments with " I think" or "In my opinion" etc. It is all very subjective at the end. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208077 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:50:46 +0000 Martie 208077@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As I stated at the first of my post "I’m sure several people will not appreciate what I have to say" so it seems I was correct. I’m sorry so many of you saw it as personal attack as opposed to one person’s observation. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208071 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:42:11 +0000 Lori 208071@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"Let me assure you ladies not all new fads work for everyone, less is more and a nice pair of well fitting jeans and a white shirt work for almost every occasion."</p> <p>I find this a bit statement condescending and fairly subjective - most of us are very well aware what fads do or do not work for us, and many would not agree jeans and a white shirt work for them for most occasions. I have been frequenting the site daily since I found it, and have seen very few instances where I thought an outfit was truly off, but I also take the next step and think maybe it is not necessarily off, but it is not my style. You will not find me commenting on harem pants or white bottoms, because neither tickle my fancy, and I wouldn't feel right commenting on something I personally do not find appealing. Also, I am not a stylist and neither are 99.9% of the women who post, but they do have personal opinions and I have found that they give those opinions with heartfelt honesty and constructive criticism where needed. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208069 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:40:06 +0000 Ana 208069@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Queenie, good points! I think people do work out a lot on their own just by taking the photos and posting them and having a really good look at their outfits. Usually they just need help getting started. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208064 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:34:30 +0000 Ana 208064@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Martie, you should feel free to express your opinion to the individual on that thread. When I've posted in the past that I didn't like a particular outfit and why, lots of times people disagreed with me. They didn't castigate me, they simply stated that they liked the outfit and told me why. It generated interesting discussion and it's valuable to the rest of the community. You shouldn't feel censored, but you shouldn't expect everyone else to agree with you either. There is always going to be a mix of opinions. That's just the nature of the beast. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208062 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:32:13 +0000 Queen Mum 208062@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Martie-- If you feel that a look is not flattering, please chime in and say why. Often someone will do that and it's something nobody else had noticed yet. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208061 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:30:38 +0000 Queen Mum 208061@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with the other ladies... I think everyone here tries to be kind, supportive, tactful and honest.</p> <p>BUT, I'm not going to blast someone the first time they get up nerve to post a picture. I know nothing of their history, means, lifestyle, or wardrobe options. I try to make positive comments encouraging what I see that I like. Over time, it gets easier to be a little more forward with feedback as we get a little more familiar with eachother. ALSO... I've noticed that most women work out the little kinks in their style on their own.. it's a process and we all make mistakes a long the way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208058 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:26:52 +0000 Kristen 208058@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Martie, I understand what you are saying; there are times over the last couple of years that I have been on the forum where an outfit gets all kind of praise that I don't really think it deserves. I've come to attribute it to a couple of possible reasons:</p> <p>1. Sometimes it is simply a style that I don't like and can't appreciate. Try as I might, after two years, I still don't particularly love the tunic-and-leggings look, for example. But other people love it, so they cheer it on! And rightly so.</p> <p>2. Sometimes the positive commenters are new to fashion themselves, and haven't yet acquired a discerning eye. A lot of times I will see opinions change as the thread continues after another member, usually a veteran or Angie, will give some constructive criticism to the poster. It's a way for everyone to "train their eye" so to speak.</p> <p>I do think that YLF is one of the politest and most thoughtful forums out there, but I don't see much of the mindless positvity you seem to be describing. There's a lot of good constructive criticism to be had here, just be patient! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208057 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:26:25 +0000 Martie 208057@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm simply saying that the look was not flattering on the individual that was asking for the opinion and yet they were told it was. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/honesty-is-still-the-best-policy#post-208054 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:23:13 +0000 Louise 208054@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If I don't like something but can't offer a constructive way to change it then I usually don't say anything however we are a fairly big community that we share ideas and someone else will have a solution </p>