https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 26 Apr 2026 00:28:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1366679 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 01:03:30 +0000 Traci 1366679@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you for all the support. I talked to her tonight and must admit I was not as calm or graceful as I would like. </p> <p>It's settled and done and over with now and we can slowly move back to the way things were before she found Facebook.</p> <p>I did ask her about email but she said they took that away from her when she got Facebook. That was my signal that Instagram or other sites are a lost cause. We'll stick to phone calls and face to face visits and the world will keep turning.</p> <p>I really felt like a heel putting this on here, but your thoughtful responses were above and beyond what I had hoped for. Thank you for listening, suggesting and supporting me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1366439 Tue, 30 Sep 2014 19:35:42 +0000 Hil 1366439@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think you've had some great advice - I just wanted to chime in an share your pain. My mom and aunts drive me insane on FB. My mom is one of those who places personal messages in inappropriate place. My one aunt has a bit of a sleeping tablet habit and very often posts as the drugs are taking effect. Her posts are now a standing joke. And then there is the passive aggressive aunt who posts all her grievances regularly for the world to see. Strength to you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1366049 Tue, 30 Sep 2014 07:36:12 +0000 Cheryl Glasgow 1366049@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a tough situation....it would be sad not to be able to share pictures with her. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1366000 Tue, 30 Sep 2014 04:47:59 +0000 Anonymous 1366000@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi, ah, yes my mom freaks me<br /> out with LeFacebook too. The issue seems to be the wall and people tagging you in comments. You can disable your wall to her and also disable posts where you are tagged to appear on your wall. That's the simple thing to do. You can also hide your friend's list.Hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365397 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 15:57:52 +0000 elpgal 1365397@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Can you create a private Facebook page for family stuff and for sharing pics. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365375 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 15:30:52 +0000 ironkurtin 1365375@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think MaryK nailed it as usual. &nbsp;More forms of communication unfortunately also mean more ways to misunderstand each other. &nbsp;So I think you're making the right call. &nbsp;Your mother may be hurt, and telling everyone about it on FB, but I think eventually this too will be lost in all the noise. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365234 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 11:36:27 +0000 krishnidoux 1365234@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My heart goes to you! That surely is a very tough spot, and nothing you did drove you there. In fact, you did all the right things. It was excellent to address the issue face to face with your Mom, for example. Too bad she didn't understand and continued the behavior.&nbsp;</p> <p>You got some very good advice here. I really like Suz' suggestion for what to tell her.&nbsp;</p> <p>Having three generations interacting in the same space along with friends of friends makes for potentially explosive situations! I imagine our children must think we are so "retarded" with our own use of FB. Also, when our&nbsp;whole social/family/work/friend circles are virtually&nbsp;gathered like this,&nbsp;it becomes&nbsp;a very censured place for us, in the end. That's why we end up liking videos of cats and babies and nothing that will rock the boat unless the majority would adhere.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365231 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 11:34:18 +0000 Traci 1365231@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Crutcher, we live 12 hours away, so it's not that simple.</p> <p>I tried calling her yesterday, but got no answer and no voice mail pick up. &nbsp;We'll see what the next week brings.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365205 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 11:01:14 +0000 crutcher 1365205@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Traci, Give her a hug and take her to lunch...Don't let this cause a rift...It is just absolutely not worth it...good luck... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365116 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 04:04:29 +0000 Jeanie 1365116@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I understand this. &nbsp;I think having parents on FB just gets a little complicated. &nbsp;I say this as a parent and as a daughter. &nbsp;My oldest son is on FB and honestly sometimes I don't want to see the pics he posts! &nbsp;I feel like he and his girlfriend do some crazy things that a parent shouldn't be seeing. &nbsp;I am pretty liberal and I just pretend I don't see these. &nbsp;On the other side my mom is on FB and she just doesn't get it even though I've tried to walk her through it. &nbsp;She makes awkward comments in the wrong places, like you were saying. &nbsp;&nbsp;I have a friend who actually created a fake FB name so that her mom can't find her on FB. &nbsp;I think there should be a FB for family and one for friends because there are times I just don't want my older relatives seeing certain things. &nbsp;I think you were right to de friend her and just be honest about it. &nbsp;It certainly is hard but if she can still get pics then I bet she will be happy. &nbsp;My mom doesn't get email either. &nbsp;She is always telling me there is something wrong with my email because her messages aren't working. &nbsp;There are some other social media sites like My Space and Bebo or maybe Snapchat would work. &nbsp;Hugs :)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365108 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 03:30:48 +0000 rachylou 1365108@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes. It's email. Altho I've never used it myself, so can't tell you what the whole thing looks like. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365104 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 03:18:35 +0000 Jules 1365104@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think you've done the right thing in a difficult situation. You've already received great advice. I'm posting mainly to share something on the lighter side about grannies on fb:<br /> <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/weird-news/lists/grandmas-keep-accidentally-tagging-themselves-as-grandmaster-flash-on-facebook-9728582.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.independent.co.uk/n.....28582.html</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365019 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 01:02:49 +0000 Mo 1365019@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My WBMIL is now 80 and pretty good, all things considered, on FB but I see some of the issues you mention with out of context replies. &nbsp;Luckily, hers are pretty much all positive, but still you can tell it's a bit 'off'. &nbsp;She also uses all capital letters in all her correspondence, email or FB, which she has no idea comes across as 'yelling'.&nbsp;&nbsp;I consider BF lucky that his mom will at least embrace the technology, whereas my own mother, 13 years younger, is worried the internet will steal her whole identity lol. &nbsp;<br />Sorry it's hurt you but I'm sure she meant no harm. &nbsp;I hope you guys can come out the other side better off than before.&nbsp; </p> <p>&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1365007 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 00:47:55 +0000 DonnaF 1365007@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Traci;</p> <p>I'm wondering about your mom's age and just wanted to note that with my mom I've noticed a pretty rapid decline in her capacity to understand explanations and deal with technology.&nbsp; She used to be able to log onto her computer and check her email but can no longer do so.&nbsp; My SIL set her up with FB, but maybe it's better than she never learned how to use it!&nbsp; It's sad though because it would have been a way for her to keep up with her grandchildren.</p> <p>I agree that setting your mom up with something simpler and more limited than FB might be the answer.&nbsp; You may also need to keep the same log-in combo or at least write it down for her and post it somewhere convenient. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364941 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 22:07:44 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 1364941@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Does she have a cell phone? &nbsp;If so, you could use that to text and share pictures privately and stay in touch. &nbsp;Another option is google plus which allows you to share with only certain people. &nbsp;You could create an account for each of you and then there would be no others involved.</p> <p>I understand your challenge. &nbsp;I just got back from my parents house where I fixed their e-mail and my dad's internet banking. &nbsp;I had helped him with both the last time I was there. &nbsp;I now ask if there is anything that needs fixing before I leave just in case. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364904 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 20:48:40 +0000 Tina 1364904@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like the idea if using a separate from FB type of social media. If you could use Instagram then she would still have a connection. I feel for the generation that likes the concept of social media and the connection it provides but it's beyond their scope of comprehension.<br /> If you could present this to her as your new way of keeping her posted and then just encourage her to that end, she will get used to it and perhaps like it better. Then, hopefully, you can keep your privacy by sharing personal things via the phone or in person.<br /> I'm sure if she asked around she would find she wasn't the only parent locked out of their child's FB account:-) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364856 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 18:53:18 +0000 Traci 1364856@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Is that different from the messenger, Rachy?</p> <p>When I message her she responds by posting on a different status update or shared link of mine. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364854 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 18:50:57 +0000 rachylou 1364854@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There's FB email. I believe you automatically get one, so it could be one stop shopping at least for your mum. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364839 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 18:10:45 +0000 Traci 1364839@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Peri, you're very right. I think part of what makes this tough is that part of this comes from her lack of ability to understand.</p> <p>I gave her the very clear directive to think of it like talking loudly in line at the grocery store.</p> <p>Where I'm stuck is...at the very least she knows that she doesn't understand the technology and using it in the way she has hurts me. At some point a grown person has to just accept what they don't know and change the things within their control.</p> <p>Suz, thank you. Those words are really helpful. I want her to know she hasn't lost ME over this, she's just lost access to my Facebook page. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364827 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 17:51:14 +0000 Peri 1364827@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm wondering if a written down list of Do's and Don'ts would help her. It really sounds like she is completely clueless, not malicious. You could write her a menu of what is appropriate to share in a public place and what is not, plus a list of steps on precisely how to contact people more privately. She also needs a lesson on how things go viral when sharing happens. </p> <p>It sounds like she is over sharing anyway, but just doesn't understand how many people see what she has over shared. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364812 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 17:29:57 +0000 Suz 1364812@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Traci, this sounds so tough. I have no good advice, really, since I am not so good with all these platforms myself.&nbsp;</p> <p>One question I had: What does (or did) your mother enjoy about FB? Did it allow better contact with you than she had enjoyed in the past, from <b>HER</b> point of view? (Obviously, there were serious problems from your point of view, and no wonder.) I'm just thinking about trying to replicate as many of&nbsp;the "goodies" for her without the "baddies" (for you) in whatever platform you move to.&nbsp;</p> <p>I might also try to put it in terms of the positives. You know, "it looks like FB was making it harder for us to maintain our loving connection; here's another way we can stay in touch without all those &nbsp;problems and misunderstandings. I don't agree with all your decisions or everything you've said, but I love you and want to remain connected to you." &nbsp;</p> <p>Something like that?&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364795 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 16:53:40 +0000 Traci 1364795@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you, Mary! I have already tried explaining it to her to no avail. Thank you for reminding me that I need to let go of the idea that she's going to understand. I knew that a few weeks ago, but lost sight of that. It's a bad habit of mine to want to explain myself until I'm blue in the face. I'm working on that, and your reminder was spot on.</p> <p>These are exactly the level headed and thoughtful responses I needed to hear. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364771 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 16:24:49 +0000 MsMary 1364771@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Traci, I think you've done the right think by de-friending her.&nbsp; I think trying to convince her that it's her own fault is a losing proposition.&nbsp; You don't need to tell her why you're de-friending her (not in any detail, anyway), you just need to tell her that you've done it, it's not up for discussion, and here's the alternative place she can look at your photos.&nbsp; So I think I'd leave it at "I'm sorry it didn't work out... you can see my pics over here on Instagram from now on."&nbsp; </p> <p>And by the way I feel your pain.&nbsp; My parents have gotten so they can't even do email or any kind of online communication any more, so they are missing out on seeing any photos from me.&nbsp; It makes me feel sad!&nbsp; :(</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364739 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 15:33:54 +0000 Traci 1364739@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That's a great idea, Becky! I actually have an Instagram account I never use. I could try to get her set up there. I'm pretty lame and just do mobile uploads from my phone, so that would be easy to keep up with, but separate from my other social networks.</p> <p>Thanks for the support, Alexandra. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364730 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 15:18:43 +0000 Alexandra 1364730@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Traci, that's tough! I'm sending hugs and good vibes your way. Hopefully someone will chime in with good advice soon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364729 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 15:18:17 +0000 froggiebecky 1364729@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It sounds like her lack of computer skills is haunting her--with no concept of internet etiquette! And Facebook, for all it's claims to be easy to use, I would expect to be a bit of a mystery for some, especially in the concepts of sharing and privacy and what's broadcast and what's not.</p> <p>If you'd like to use it to just show her pictures of family outings, have you thought about maybe posting them to an online photo album and sending her the link?&nbsp;<div><br />I use smugmug (here's mine, for an example&nbsp;<a rel="nofollow" href="http://froggiebecky.smugmug.com">http://froggiebecky.smugmug.com</a>), and as you can see, down at the bottom, there's a place where she can add comments, if she likes. Also, you can change the privacy settings between public, semi-private (cannot access the album without a direct link), or fully private (only you can see the photos). Also, smugmug doesn't send out spam. It's one that's used by many professional photographers (I am not one).&nbsp;</p> <p>Other friends of mine have used picasa for similar purposes. I"m not familiar with all their settings, but I think they've got some of the semi-private settings (must have a link to access) that smugmug has.&nbsp;</p> <p></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-mom-on-facebook-disaster#post-1364723 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 15:00:09 +0000 Traci 1364723@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You are the kindest, most thoughtful group of women I've ever known. So I'm coming to you for advice on a deeply difficult and personal situation I've found myself in. This is going to get long, apologies for that.</p> <p>A couple of years ago my mom requested me as a friend on Facebook. I didn't really want to accept, but felt like it would be a jerk move to not.</p> <p>Over the couple of years, she's become slightly more active on fb. There have been several instances where she clearly doesn't understand the format and makes comments in the wrong places, such as telling me when she plans to arrive at our house as a reply to an announcement that I've accepted a friend request from someone she doesn't know. It's annoying, but I've brushed it off.</p> <p>In the last 6 months, dh 's estranged mother became very ill. We haven't had contact with her for almost 20 years. This was not a decision we took lightly. It was done to protect our family and our children from a very toxic and mentally I'll woman.</p> <p>When dhs mom's illness neared the end, my mother started friending her fAmily members. She's a grown woman, nothing I can do to stop that. Then she started responding to their grieving posts with things that I felt touched close to home and smacked of criticism of our family's choices.</p> <p>I moved her to a special category so I wasn't getting updated on all her comments. </p> <p>I waited until she was at our house for a visit and talked to her privately about the hurt her comments caused. She said she thought the comments were private, yet that makes no sense because she named the person she was responding to in the thread of someone else's status update. I explained to her that if she sees other peoples names then she is not talking to only one person. She apologized and said she had no idea. We talked about some other family issues and things from my childhood, etc.</p> <p>Less than a week later I made a response to a friend's (not a friend in common with my mom, a stranger to my mom) status update about trouble she is having with one of her children, and my mom came along and commented, airing some personal things, and asking my forgiveness. I asked friends for suggestions of how to get around this problem. Since my friend's settings are to allow comments by friends of friends, it seems there's no way around it.</p> <p>I sent my mom a private message and told her id have to remove her from Facebook. I feel terribly guilty.</p> <p>It's been a couple of weeks and I'm hearing from my daughter that my mom is posting on Facebook saying Facebook made her friends with people she never chose and now she's lost family over this.</p> <p>I need to call her today to try again to explain to her that she hasn't lost family and that it is not anything Facebook has done to her, but her own choices to make public comments about things I hold private, that drove me to my decision.</p> <p>I know she likes having Facebook to receive pictures of family outings and updates on what we're up to.</p> <p>If you've made it this far, any words of advice? I've thought of maybe suggesting we email instead of using Facebook. We've tried that in the past and her lack of computer knowledge made it tough for her. She's also super paranoid that people are stealing her banking information or putting porn on her computer through email.</p> <p>Another thought I've had is to make a separate Facebook account just for her. I really don't want to do that, as I already have 2 accounts, one for work to link to my company's page I manage (definitely can't put her there!) and my personal one that I use to keep in touch with lots of friends.</p> <p>Soooo, thanks for any advice or strategies you can suggest for this. </p>