https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 16:08:45 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday/page/2#post-357113 Fri, 27 May 2011 20:57:19 +0000 Michelle 357113@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Biscuitsmom, do I ever understand what you're dealing with!! I have family members who comment continually on my weight. With them it's done out of love and concern rather than malice, but that knowledge doesn't help, and the comments cut to the quick.<br /> Line up a support network. We're all here, obviously, and I'm sure your husband is too. Knowing there others to make you feel better will make it easier to brave the temporary unpleasantness.<br /> Wear something that makes you feel comfortable. I cannot stress this enough. By this I don't mean physically comfortable, but something that feels like you and will allow you to relax as much as possible. I need to take my own advice here, honestly, and I can tell you from experience that sacrificing your own preferences in an attempt to please others doesn't do much good.<br /> Look polished on the day of. It helps.<br /> Take Biscuit. Dogs are amazing helpers, as you already know. Plus, walking him could give you an excuse to get out of there!<br /> Don't rise. I like the idea of congratulating your sister on her own weight loss and generally not buying into the negativity around you.<br /> POST PICTURES!!! If you put together an outfit with YLF input, I guarantee you'll feel better about it. It'll be even easier to picture us cheering you on! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday/page/2#post-357031 Fri, 27 May 2011 17:54:59 +0000 catgirl 357031@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, I thought of another response. I just read Ask Amy (that newspaper column) where someone wrote about gossiping and how a good response is to say to the gossiper, "You know, she/he speaks so highly of you." </p> <p>Along those lines, I suggest a sweet smile and these words: "Oh, auntie/sis, it's good to know I can always count on you to say the right thing." </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday/page/2#post-356918 Fri, 27 May 2011 16:00:09 +0000 Anonymous 356918@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>1.) Wear something you feel fab in<br /> 2.) Be confident!<br /> 3.) Congratulate your sister and tell her how great she looks<br /> 4.) Tell auntie how happy you are to see her<br /> 5.) And know that all of your YLF friends are cheering you on!!! </p> <p>Enjoy yourself.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday/page/2#post-356851 Fri, 27 May 2011 15:03:24 +0000 biscuitsmom 356851@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I cant get over how kind and supportive everyone is here....your responses truly mean the world to me and I am printing this thread out so I can keep it with me....our visit got postponed till next week (she wasnt feeling well) so hopefully I can get DH to take a few pics and get opinions on what looks best (not just for this, but in general.) Sorry it took so long to get back on here, but DH has been home from work and getting online for more than a minute or two is just about impossible... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday/page/2#post-355959 Thu, 26 May 2011 02:17:04 +0000 Linn 355959@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You've gotten some excellent suggestions but I'd just like to add that there are some people who try to make themselves feel better by putting others down. I have a sister-in-law like that and believe me I know how you feel.<br /> If it's not absolutely necessary to see your aunt then why bother? I don't see the point in being around others who try to make you feel bad about yourself just so they can feel good.<br /> If on the other hand you have to see her then just smile even if she says something negative. You can't be faulted for smiling and it will make her wonder what you're up to. I think it's best not to get defensive cause if you do the person knows they got to you. Best wishes </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday/page/2#post-355745 Wed, 25 May 2011 20:07:51 +0000 StacyJo 355745@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Everyone has replied with some outrageously great advice. Can't add anything but the steely glare option when a less than kind comment is made...Jackie O used this technique quite often I read...really just put people in their place without a word. </p> <p>Know that we're here to support you and think you are wonderful. Anyway, if you just can't get out of this soiree, might you be able to go out and get yourself something fabulous that you have been wanting for a while and putting off getting? </p> <p>(Short of that, perhaps we can get some dashing young handsome Special Ops team members to come in and rescue you at the preciously the right moment that will daze your auntie and sis beyond words. I know that this can be done...just got to find that secret cell phone number to The Prez ). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355705 Wed, 25 May 2011 19:14:53 +0000 Aziraphale 355705@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have nothing to add to the great comments above, and can only agree with everyone. Hold you head up high. You don't have to please this woman! If she wants to be ignorant and unkind, she's the one with the problem, not you. Best of luck. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355681 Wed, 25 May 2011 18:37:47 +0000 rae 355681@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>LOL, Patty, that really lightened the mood... Maybe that is a good line to add to an internal dialogue to keep you smiling, BM... </p> <p>Mary, you are SO sweet! Thank you times infinity. :D</p> <p>BM, I hope that you will keep us updated on your thoughts and on the results of the visit, should you choose to go. Big hugs to you!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355532 Wed, 25 May 2011 15:00:03 +0000 Patty 355532@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good advice here already but if things go bad you can always work in "you old buzzard" as in--another cup of tea you old buzzard?<br /> Seriously tho--hope your visit is uneventful--you shouldn't have to change. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355526 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:54:36 +0000 biscuitsmom 355526@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow...I cannot tell you *how much* I appreciate all the wonderful advice Ive gotten from each of you! I am literally moved to tears....will be back on a little later today to comment more- I need to leave to take a friend to a Dr appt </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355517 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:46:33 +0000 MsMary 355517@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae! I'm so sorry about the situation with your mom! If you ever want some quality time with a 50-something who thinks you're fab, you know where to find me! XXX OOO</p> <p>And your advice is FAB!!! I'm making this thread a favorite, too!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355464 Wed, 25 May 2011 13:55:44 +0000 celia 355464@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh BM, I know the feeling. My MIL was like that for some years and the only reason why she doens't complain about my weight anymore is because I lost some.</p> <p>Usually I would say (and do) not to speak to them anymore, but as it happened to me sometimes is not only our relationship with thatperson but there are other people involved also.</p> <p>This being said and as you already had great advice I can just share my coping mechanisms with this situation.</p> <p>First of all weight is just a part of our outer apearence, it doesn't mean we are ugly, unfashionable, uninteresting or any other thing.So when someone tries to reduce you just because you weight more than whatever they think you should is because they really don't have anything more to talk about.They probably are the uninteresting and unfashionable ones.<br /> If the rest of the world loves the way you are (and I'm sure they do) that person is really a minority and her opinion is not worth while.</p> <p>One strategie I always found rewarding was to look good on my skin. For the short period of time I was with her to act the part of the confident with myself person(even if I was not feeling it).</p> <p>You are great and no one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself.</p> <p>About what to wear choose something you know makes you look good. I don't think you ever posted outfits ut why not try this time?I always find that if I'm wearing something with YLF aproval no matter what anybody says I feel great.</p> <p>lots of huggs </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355440 Wed, 25 May 2011 12:31:18 +0000 Anonymous 355440@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Biscuitsmom, you've already gotten tons of good advice, I know you will find the advice here that works best for you. Big hugs.</p> <p>Mary, I want to hire you as my therapist!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355423 Wed, 25 May 2011 10:33:25 +0000 Lynne 355423@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>you have so much good advice to choose from here! I remembered something I did years ago, and the effects are still working......do you remember Pavlovs dogs? He taught them, by association, to salivate at the sound of a bell etc in expectation of food? Well, my MIL, by way of conversation, likes to berate her DILs to each other. Years ago, I decided I didn't want to hear it. If she phoned and started to speak badly of my SILs, I would say "gotta go, thx for calling!". If I was in the room and she started I left the room. Guess what? 15 years later, she will still berate my SILs to whoever will listen - except me. Just putting this out there under 'it worked for me'! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355411 Wed, 25 May 2011 08:32:08 +0000 ButterflyLady 355411@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with the others - do you *have* to go? Mary's advice is spot on - the things they are saying are not about you - they are about making themselves feel better in some way. Sad, in a way, that they have to be nasty to others to feel good about themselves.</p> <p>((virtual hug))</p> <p>Wear something you love, that makes you feel confident and try and rise above it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355405 Wed, 25 May 2011 08:03:15 +0000 Aunty 355405@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am getting on plane now to come and get you!!<br /> You are a wonderful person with a great personality and if they are mean to you I will probably explode.<br /> MaryK has it nailed for advice, but do you really have to go??? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355385 Wed, 25 May 2011 06:34:09 +0000 catgirl 355385@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae, what insightful advice - I am going to make this thread a favorite.</p> <p>BM, Mary is spot on. My dad recently hurt my feelings this way, but he is my father and has a million good qualities that make up for the occasional slip. You've got nothing but grief from this aunt, and there is no reason she needs to be a part of your life. If you must go, take Mary's suggestions with you. </p> <p>As for your sister, I'd feel free to tell her off, in ladylike terms of course. She has the right to be pleased with herself, but not at your expense.</p> <p>So sorry you're having to deal with this kind of negativity. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355285 Wed, 25 May 2011 02:52:34 +0000 rae 355285@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well, I actually second the suggestion of avoiding this person if at all possible. I had to make a really tough decision at one point and have not seen my own mother for almost a year and a half because she would not respect certain boundaries -- and honestly, it's been the most positive, peaceful year and a half. It seems drastic sometimes to not see someone when you are expected to see them, but... well, it kills me to think of you accepting this treatment from anyone. :(</p> <p>That said, the following advice has *really* helped me in the past:</p> <p>- Remember that you can only control *yourself* - it can be super frustrating when you keep asking for respect but don't get the response you want. Take the law into your own hands, so to speak, and know how you will stop the verbal abuse yourself - even if you have to physically walk away or go home early. YOU always have the power to end an abusive conversation.</p> <p>- Remind yourself who's speaking - It's not your SO or your bff or Angie telling you you look horrible! It's someone who *only* says hurtful things and there for has no credibility. There is no reason to expect her to be nicer, but you can at least be ready for it and remove yourself emotionally. </p> <p>- Most importantly - think about all the people in your life who DO accept you, think you're wonderful, and even envy you! Sound corny, but being cognizant of your own special gifts can turn a really deep cut into a glancing blow. :T </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355217 Wed, 25 May 2011 01:11:17 +0000 sarah 355217@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ugh - I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I can see why Mary wants to get her therapy license. I'd print out a picture of Mary and whenever you're really going to lose it, steal glances at it for fortitude and encouragement. Honestly, maybe opening up about would help? Hang in there. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355205 Wed, 25 May 2011 01:06:11 +0000 Katiepea 355205@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry you have to go through this BM. </p> <p>Mary has given you some outstanding advice. Maybe think of it like going through labour.... you have to go through it, it's painful and hurts like heck but at least once it's over, it's over!</p> <p>If you really have to go, I'd make sure you wear something you feel comfortable in, and make sure you have a clear time you need to leave (arrange a friend to "call" if necessary). Perhaps plan something nice just for you after, so as to try to minimise in your mind the event and have something nice to look forward to.</p> <p>Remember, sadly you can't change anything they will say, do or imply - you can only manage your reaction after it. (I have been known to say things in my head at times when I've come across people like this such as "Oh, here she goes again.. blah, blah, blah, blah!" whilst smiling politely... ;-))</p> <p>Best of luck! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355148 Tue, 24 May 2011 23:32:42 +0000 Angie 355148@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hugs of empathy here, and what Mary said. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355146 Tue, 24 May 2011 23:30:19 +0000 krishnidoux 355146@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>MaryK that is such good advice! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355139 Tue, 24 May 2011 23:08:12 +0000 elpgal 355139@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mary has given you excellent advice.</p> <p> I have some hawk-eyed relatives who tend to do the same thing. One time, when I couldn't stand it any longer, I turned to my husband and said something like 'Dude, you lose and now you owe me that foot-rub. Didn't I bet they would comment on my weight within 5 minutes of us getting here?'. I am pleased to report that this has soured the relationship somewhat but I haven't heard a peep about my weight since then. Keep in mind though that when I made this comment, none of them were sick/dying/celebrating or otherwise in any distress. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355105 Tue, 24 May 2011 20:53:19 +0000 amyreh 355105@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love Mary's advice! That sucks you have to deal with this, just wear something that makes you feel confident and pretty and know that is really what matters, not what they think! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355104 Tue, 24 May 2011 20:53:13 +0000 MsMary 355104@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So I'm thinking about this some more, and I'm wondering what it is that YOU want to get out of this event? Because what you want will affect your coping strategy.</p> <p>Is there, realistically, anything you can do to get what you want from them? Even if it means saying, "You know, all my life I have been looking for a kind word from the two of you, and it would mean the world to me if you could think of that kind word right now. How about 'Biscuitsmom, you are a terrific person and we love you!?'" If you think they would be willing to give you want you want if you came right out and asked for it, then that might be an option.</p> <p>If,on the other hand, there is no way to realistically get what you want (either because they are too self-absorbed or evil or whatever to give it, or because you can't bring yourself to ask, or for whatever reason), then your coping strategy will be different, and should involve telling yourself something like, "I know I desperately want their approval, but I'm not going to get it because they're just not capable of giving it. And that's okay because I am no longer a little girl who needs anybody's approval. I have a wonderful life and wonderful relationships with others, and most importantly, I approve of myself!" Repeat as needed.</p> <p>I always think it's a good idea to really take this stuff apart and turn it over and look at it and examine it, you know? Doing so can take some of the power away from those evil relatives sometimes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355093 Tue, 24 May 2011 20:37:01 +0000 Anonymous 355093@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hey, I so get you. I have a very slim and stylish cousin and aunt, the ladies who lunch kind of type, and i always ask my mom/bf when i get out the door to meet them: do I look like I starved recently? BUT I never let them know they get to me, and neither should you. I am pretty average sized, but not in the model-thin ways but your weight is none their business! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355077 Tue, 24 May 2011 20:14:49 +0000 Lynne 355077@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>poor you! Every family has one of these people :(.</p> <p>My way of coping would be to<br /> a) dress comfortably, no extra stress from tight waistbands or wobbly heels<br /> b) keep the conversation firmly on them: lots of open questions about them and their favourite subjects/hobbies/interests<br /> c) escape whenever I needed to. Bathroom, kettle, make-believe phone call, walk Biscuits again, whatever it takes to give you some space when you need it!<br /> d) accept Heather's invite and put my feet up instead </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355074 Tue, 24 May 2011 20:08:25 +0000 Polly (thunalata) 355074@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sounds like a nightmare! I think everyone's given great advice. I love MaryK's how to cope with comments. It is their problem in the end, not yours, if they make comments - it just doesn't always feel like it at the time...</p> <p>Sending sympathetic hugs your way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355071 Tue, 24 May 2011 20:03:25 +0000 Marigold 355071@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear about having to deal with a mean Aunt (I'll be dealing with one over the Memorial Day weekend), just relax and take deep breaths, and don't let her get to you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/help-i-need-to-lose-50-lbs-and-get-a-whole-new-look-by-thursday#post-355065 Tue, 24 May 2011 20:00:14 +0000 Girl X 355065@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>How do you feel about alcohol? Sorry, I meant 'copious amounts of' alcohol. </p>