YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Have you ever had someone question what you own

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Have you ever had someone question what you own https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 04 May 2026 05:50:04 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Barbara on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own/page/2#post-240700 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 22:24:59 +0000 Barbara 240700@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ That's so true, MaryK! What ARE they thinking? You must be quick on your own mental feet to not be rattled by theml. I think these folks may be insecure AND jealous. And, unfortunately, it's USUALLY women! MsMary on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own/page/2#post-240675 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 21:12:42 +0000 MsMary 240675@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I've been taking some classes in psychology, and one of our instructors (a practicing therapist) says she responds to personal questions like that from clients by saying something like "I'm really interested in why that's so important to you" or "Wow, it's fascinating that you're so curious about me. What's that about?" Seems like that would work great in these kinds of situations, too -- put the person doing the asking back on the spot instead of you! Anonymous on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own/page/2#post-240636 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 19:56:21 +0000 Anonymous 240636@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Barbara, your story of the woman who so blunty asked you what you do, reminds me of one of the most rude quesyions that I have been asked. I hope this is not hijacking your thread Debbie. When my now husband, then boyfriend and I, were at a party and I was meeting some of his old friends for the first time, a wife of one of his buddies said to me, "So Sandy do you own a house of your own?" Ahhh, flabergasted is how I felt. I am getting a little shaky thinking about it now. Luckilly I had a great answer at the time, "I said "yes, I own 2." biscuitsmom on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own/page/2#post-240631 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 19:49:03 +0000 biscuitsmom 240631@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ lol, lynne! Im going to try that next time....Debbiek, yes, please dont let it get to you..I think thats a great response! Anonymous on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own/page/2#post-240629 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 19:48:21 +0000 Anonymous 240629@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh Debbie, that is strange. I feel very awkword when someone mentions my personal belongings to ME. It is not their business. I would never ever stick my nose into their personal belongings. I hope I would never be scatter brained enough to let something like that slip out of my mouth anyway. We've talked aout my nosey neighbor who doesn't mind telling me what I shouldn't be wearing. She is that way in many areas of our life. I think that she means well but it is embarrasing and uncomfortable. She just called me to see about lunch again and I am not so keen on it. You did well to ignore the comment. Debbie on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own/page/2#post-240591 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 18:54:49 +0000 Debbie 240591@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks everyone. If it happens again I'm just going to say Thank-you for noticing and move on. Barbara on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own/page/2#post-240560 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 18:13:25 +0000 Barbara 240560@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ "Thank you" is always appropriate, Sarah. Especially when sincerely spoken. Then if someone starts the "how much?" chatter, you can just ignore them. I don't get defensive at all, I just feel sorry for the person being so shallow about material possessions. That's all they are at the end of the day.... Sarah on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own/page/2#post-240552 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 18:00:08 +0000 Sarah 240552@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Comments about where I buy things, what I own, how much I spend... Those make me very uncomfortable. I've been at both ends of the spectrum financially, and at the end of the day what matters aren't those details. I have different priorities and am at a different place in life than anybody else. I do tend to get very defensive initially, so I try to take a deep breath and try to see where the other person is coming from. MOST of the time I just say "thank you" and carry on. In your case Debbie, I don't know what I would have said. But like Angie pointed out, it really is nobody's business what or how we spend our money. I'd never ask someone what their car payment is! Some things seem to be fair game in this world that shouldn't be. Barbara on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own/page/2#post-240548 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 17:51:58 +0000 Barbara 240548@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Love it lynne! Maybe I'll try that on a snotty acquaintance that seems fascinated with my red patent Privo ballet flats. Should I tell her I got them on Ebay for $20? Nah..... Although I don't think I could get away with the $14K comment. LOL. lynne on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-240492 Thu, 28 Oct 2010 15:48:11 +0000 lynne 240492@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Biscuitsmom, my sister used to do that, too, until I just started making up numbers. "How much did you pay for that?" "$14,000". Said with a smile, it shut her up. biscuitsmom on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239833 Wed, 27 Oct 2010 16:23:00 +0000 biscuitsmom 239833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ That is so aggravating! My sister does it to me all the time....whenever I wear something new she immediately hounds me with 'you're buying MORE clothes?' which I dont do all that often...or my 'favorite' 'how much did THAT cost?' She thinks its 'stupid' and 'wasting money' to shop anywhere but a thrift store...and that if you can get it on it fits fine! arrgghh! Heather on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239822 Wed, 27 Oct 2010 16:02:02 +0000 Heather 239822@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think people forget to mash their "inner monologue" button sometimes. Brush off the inquisitions and don your cute fashions! lynne on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239799 Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:31:15 +0000 lynne 239799@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree, it sounds like she was defensive. I've had the same sort of comment in both friendly and unfriendly ways. I had a student (4th grader) say to me " You wear a different pair of shoes EVERY day!" I've found the best response is just a smile, or something like "Aren't you sweet to notice". JewelryGirl on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239363 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:44:25 +0000 JewelryGirl 239363@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Something to think about - we all have a "filter" based on our own experiences. She may have said it one way (based on her experiences, thoughts, etc.). However, we may "filter" something like this & internalize it completely differently (based on our own experiences, thoughts, etc.). Make sense? It may very well have been meant as a compliment that just wasn't articulated well. Hard to guess the true intent... Sally on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239360 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:38:32 +0000 Sally 239360@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ When I went to the states last year, I went with an empty suitcase and told everybody that I was going to shop seriously when I got there as I had refrained from shopping all year. I didn't shop that much considering...but my MIL said one day when I had been to the mall "and have you finished shopping yet?" I said "no I still have a bit more to do" Anyway her children were embarrassed. I did buy 4 pairs of shoes, 5 pairs of jeans, tops, 2 jackets, a dress and a coat...not that bad considering that I had gone with money to spend on clothes....then I lost weight and its all too big for me! Carole on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239356 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:23:39 +0000 Carole 239356@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Barbara-that's perfect! Love it! It's amazing to me that people can be so rude and hurtful.I have never been quick on my feet, I usually just sit there stunned with a surprised look on my face and think of the perfect thing to say 2 hours later! But I think the biggest thing I've learned is that it works to my advantage to not get defensive. Walking away works fine too. So sorry you had to experience such ugliness! Barbara on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239353 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:14:21 +0000 Barbara 239353@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ debbie, I've never had anyone ask me about my shoe collection, but once when I was on vacation with my sister, we were lounging at the local pool with our young children. A woman to whom my sister had just introduced me asked, "What do YOU do?" A standard question to be sure, but snippily rendered with upturned nose. At the time I was not working, spending lots of quality time with my toddler son. My answer: "Whatever I want to." My sister says it's the best comeback she's ever heard. judy on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239340 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 22:41:49 +0000 judy 239340@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Yes, I have! Sorry that happened to you, Debbie. Sounds like her claws came out! I love it when I can channel my inner comedienne and smile and say something funny that diffuses the tension. But those moments have been rare. Auburn on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239279 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 20:33:54 +0000 Auburn 239279@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ugh, I hate this. I've most definitely experienced it (I call them jellyfishers). I even have had my mother do this to me, as in "oh of COURSE you just HAD to get Tory Burch flats even though you just pay for the name." Um, what's it to you mom? I bought them with my money and, guess what, I love them! I just repeat that the issues and lack of decorum lie squarely with the one delivering these lines, NOT with you (or me). If someone hits you with that line again, just look at them sweetly and say, in a saccharine sweet voice (I'm a firm believe in the kill them with kindness maxim), "Variety sure is the spice of life!" They'll have no retort, I promise. Irene on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239272 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 20:27:34 +0000 Irene 239272@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My friends do it all the time, especially with the shoes, because I do have many shoes (especially if you compare with how many they have). This is because a) I love shoes b) the shoes I buy tend to be good quality & not too trendy, so I can use them for years and since I have so many, I don't overuse them. On the contrary, they buy new shoes every one or two years. The same happens with coats. I don't know, I guess it's because my family will rather buy good quality things that last than not-so-good and cheaper stuff that only lasts a couple of years. That said, I don't take it personally. Maybe it is because I know they don't say it to hurt me, I think it's more of an appreciation. Like when they see me with something new (or that they haven't seen) and are like 'hey, is that new? i really like it', so I'll take it as a compliment. Anyways, like the girls have said, what you spend your money on is nobodyelse's bussiness (apart from husband/boyfriend/person you share your life and house with). Aida on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239260 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 20:04:24 +0000 Aida 239260@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Some people don't handle confrontations gracefully. Sounds like she was just being snippy, definitely no need to be hurt by it. Besides, if you love fashion having a fabulous shoe collection is just that, fabulous! Lisa on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239246 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 19:43:40 +0000 Lisa 239246@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I've had this happen at work. One time, the comment was in reference to the quantity of shoes I have. The second time it was in reference to the fact that many of my shoes are Cole Haan. I challenged that person to wear a different pair of shoes everyday for a week. When they did that with no problem, I challenged them to another week. Needless to say, they don’t question the quantity anymore. For the second time around, I told that person I like to buy shoes that last, which lets me build up my collection and left it at that. Some people I think are just jealous or want to spread their negativity. Debbie on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239237 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 19:20:52 +0000 Debbie 239237@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks everyone! I'm feeling better about it now. I think you are correct she was angry and decided I was as good of a target as any. Isabel on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239024 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 13:58:10 +0000 Isabel 239024@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Debbie, first, you are such a good woman to be raising your grandson and to be so involved. I agree with Laura, I don't think that the situation and the comment were coincidental. She was taking a jab at you. It wasn't really a question, after all, it was a very passive aggressive comment. So BOO to her ! People do silly things at silly times. Just shrug your shoulders and move on. It is her problem, not yours. This happened to me once about 25 years ago. A coworker who outwardly disliked me once said, " For crying out loud, how many coats can one person own ? " I once read that the way to address is it is to defuse them and say one of two things : " Wow, I had no idea you paid attention to what I wear. " then change the subject or," Yes, my life is abundant. Especially with good people. " Sparky on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-239022 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 13:53:17 +0000 Sparky 239022@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Yuck. People can be cruel sometimes without quite meaning to. From what you describe, it sounds like she was on the defensive, so I think her comment stems from that. If it weren't your shoes, she would probably have found something else to comment on negatively (and yes, I'm assuming what she said came across as a criticism). She's just lashing out. Don't let it get to you. Anna, I'm so sorry you had this happen to you as well. Laura on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-238992 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 11:45:43 +0000 Laura 238992@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Not sure what the situation between your grandson and her son was, but my guess is that if this comment immediately followed that discussion, she was angry or afraid about that and decided to take it out on you personally. Not a very lovely human being. ((((hugs)))) Debbie! April on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-238984 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 10:24:49 +0000 April 238984@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Debbie, it stings to feel judged, doesn't it? Sorry this happened, but Angie is right -- it's nobody's business. Something similar happened to me just yesterday, though not clothing-related. I'm having some repairs done to my front porch (big stuff, involving cement work) and the contractor brought a crew of three, so four men in total. I got home after the crew had left yesterday and my neighbor rushed out to exclaim over how many guys had been working at my house all day, and to say, "I thought to myself, 'How can she afford THAT?'" My porch has needed repair for 15 years, so it's hardly like I'm standing on the lawn setting fire to hundred-dollar bills, but that's how the comment made me feel. Louise on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-238975 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 08:38:50 +0000 Louise 238975@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ What a rude woman!! The only such incident I've had like this is with my BF's daughter. She said "mummy says you have lots of lovely clothes and shoes and a nice car not like us" I told her that Daddy didn't pay for any of my things I worked full time (unlike her mother- not that I said that bit just thought it and she sells all the nice stuff we send you!!) and paid for all my own clothes, shoes and car x Angie on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-238957 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 05:48:48 +0000 Angie 238957@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, Debbie. Sorry to hear about this incident. Anna, you too. Just remember that it's nobody's business but your own how you choose to spend your money. And that's the end of the story Scarlet on "Have you ever had someone question what you own" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/have-you-ever-had-someone-question-what-you-own#post-238939 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 05:09:57 +0000 Scarlet 238939@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ If someone is actually noticing what shoes you wear every time they see you, I would say this comment is coming from a place of either admiration or jealousy, depending on her tone. People not interested in shoes would not give it that much thought. A friend said something like this to me once, not snippy but a little critical nonetheless, and I said, look, you spend money on your hobbies, and this is one of mine. She seemed to actually get that.